TLP 451: What Should Be the Goal of Your Parenting?

We lecture or ramble on, and we walk away assuming our kids are completely on page with us. I'm not sure why we do it. I don't know if it's arrogance or delusion. It didn't work that way when our parents lectured us.

Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents. Where we use God's word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, A .M. Brewster.

Praising God for Season 19 and Family Updates

Hey everyone, it's great to be back with you today. This is the final episode of season 19. That's right, next week we'll be starting season 20 and celebrating our 5th anniversary. When I started this podcast back in 2016, I never imagined we would be here doing what we're doing.

And we're going to talk more about this in later episodes, but I never want to miss the chance to praise God for bringing us this far. And of course, speaking of exciting life events, I just want to praise my kids here for a second, or praise God for my kids, or maybe both.

So as of this school year, they are both high school juniors, and the Lord has provided them an opportunity to take their first online dual credit college course. So they're taking New Testament Literature and Interpretation from Bob Jones University.

And once again, my wife and I are just so proud of them. They're doing a great job. If you'd like to learn more about Bob Jones University, and no, this is not some paid advertisement, you can check out bju .edu.

And you can also listen to an interview I did with Steve Pettit, the university president. The interview was called The Future of Christian Families and Higher Education, and you can find a link for it in the description of this episode.

That show was part of the Family and Education series, which you can also find a link for in the description. That link will take you to our blog, Taking Back the Family, where you can also be able to find today's free episode notes and transcripts.

We are also finding a bunch of things today. And with that, let's talk about the most optimal goal of our parenting. I'm keeping today's episode short, but I don't want any of us to think that that means the concept isn't as important.

It's excessively important. It's just pretty easy to grasp. The hardest part is accepting the counterintuitive nature of it. But once you've done that, it's really kind of a no-brainer. Okay, so we know that Deuteronomy 6 commands us to diligently teach our children the fundamentals of God.

We discussed this in much more detail in the following episodes, Christian Parenting 101, Where in Your House Is God Not Allowed?, and one of our recent episodes, Every Lesson You Need to Teach Your Kids.

Suffice it to say, we're supposed to be so diligent in this endeavor that it's as if we're always talking about the things of God. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise.

You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates. By the way, if this is the first time that you're joining us, I want you to know that we have free episode notes and transcripts on our blog, Taking Back the Family.

You can access that in the description below. Anyway, when you take that lesson and combine it with our four children series, you end up with a really astounding conclusion. The four children was specifically about how children respond to truth and how you can parent each of the unique responses.

Generally speaking, we looked to the life of Christ to see how He spoke to people with each of the four hearts. But just like the Deuteronomy passage, we're left with the impression that there is never a good time to stop casting the truth seed onto the soil of our children's hearts.

Just imagine that. Yeah, this isn't an important time to speak truth to my kids. We'll just skip it this time. Then you have the rock, the bread, and the donut, which deals with why we give our things.

Couple that with the biblical injunction to pray without ceasing and Christ's repeated commands to work diligently and to use our time wisely for the kingdom of God. And when you think about the practical applications of the communication house, and if you're honest with yourself, you're presented with a lofty, admittedly daunting, and yet divinely decreed calling as a parent.

We must always be speaking God's truth to our kids. Now, this is counterintuitive, primarily because we imagine that so much of our parenting seems so completely detached from all things spiritual. Potty training, report cards, driver's ed, meals, chores, soccer games, bedtime, playing UNO, and the plethora of, can I say it, earthly things, we would have us believe that the spiritual stuff is somehow foreign in those categories.

But I think that's just a gigantic lie of Satan. I believe that Deuteronomy 6, which is just one passage of the many that leave us with the impression that the truth of God should ever be on our lips, I believe all of these passages are setting the high biblical expectation that we constantly speak the language of heaven.

Now, I want you to really marinate on this one. Let the language metaphor sink in. Many of you speak a language other than English in your house, but I bet many of you have also have had children who didn't eat their dinner the way they That means that in my house, as well as yours, we're talking to our children about the same things, even though we're using a different language.

Now, let's redeem this illustration. Can you admonish your kids to eat their food without mentioning God, His word, or His expectations? Of course you can. But why would you? What's the point of quote-unquote speaking that language?

If Romans 11 .36 is right, and it is, then from him and through him and to him are all things to him, this is speaking of Christ, be glory forever. And if Colossians 1 .16 -18 is true, which it is, then for by Christ all things were created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities, all things were created through Christ and for Christ.

And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.

And if 1 Corinthians 10 .31 is true, which it is, then whether we eat or drink or whatever we do, and that includes parenting our kids, we must do so all to the glory of God. Then all of this means that it's a legitimate expectation that all of our conversations and lectures and discussions and sharing times have their root deep in the things of God, be spoken in the language of God.

Parenting Rooted in God and His Truth

So, based off that reality, I want to flesh this out practically. Number one, I believe we waste our parenting when it's rooted in something other than God and his truth. Now, that doesn't mean we always have to quote scripture and cite catechisms and speak on theological things, but there are three levels to this.

A. All of our parenting must be motivated by a desire to glorify God. This will demand that not only our motivation, but also our methods be scriptural. This can be as simple as wanting our children to play kindly on their game system.

But please don't fool yourself. Just because you use the words like kind and nice doesn't mean your children are understanding the expectation that they obey God for his glory. You're going to have to explain to your children who God is and what his expectations are and what those look like in our lives and how to have a relationship with him in order for them to have a proper understanding of biblical kindness.

I was just talking to my son about keeping his room clean, and I could just go on and on about how he's supposed to keep it tidy, but for what reasons? I had to tie it back to who he is in Christ and who his God is and what his expectations are.

And then once you've laid that foundation, you won't have to touch back to it every time, but the more you do, the better. That's why B. There's really no reason most of our teaching and training shouldn't intentionally speak of God in his word.

Remember, do we really want our kids obeying us out of fear of us? Do we want them worshiping us? If not, then we need to motivate their obedience correctly in a relationship with God. C. However, all of our reproof and counsel needs to definitely be infused with biblical truth.

I can't persuade my children that they've sinned without referencing the Bible, and I can't provide them good counsel for how to stop sinning and how to start being righteous without it. But Aaron, what about those silly times when my kids and I are just playing or when we're talking about the events of the day?

Do we really have to speak heavenly language then? Well, the events of the day are easy to point out God's goodness and provision and instruction and patience, but I admit that being silly probably isn't going to be filled with biblical wisdom.

However, I do hope you're being silly with your kids because you want to glorify God. If so, then you're doing number one. All of our parenting must be motivated by a desire to glorify God. This will demand that not only our motivation, but again, our methods be scriptural.

The main point is that we have to be intentional about this. It's too easy to waste our parenting. We can go entire days without talking about God and his expectations. In fact, we often only bring him up when our children are in trouble.

Talk about sending the wrong messages. And finally for today, number two, we risk wasting our parenting when we don't draw our children into a decision. This is from where we get the title of today's episode, The Point of Nearly Every Conversation.

I say nearly because I just want to leave the door open that there probably are going to be conversations that, you know, this isn't the point, but for most of them, the vast majority of them, I believe this can be.

In the Parents' Five Jobs, we talked a lot about teaching. Bad teaching won't include God. Okay teaching will talk about God. Good teaching will make sure the child understands God's expectations, but the best teaching will help our children apply what they've learned about God.

In our Teach Your Child to Learn series, we walked through the circle of learning. True learning only takes place when the child learns the facts, understands them, and then uses them in life. That last step is what the Bible calls wisdom.

Drawing Children to Accept or Reject the Truth

So let's put all this together in an example. I'm teaching my child bathtub behavior or curfew or whatever, or I'm confronting my child about disobeying the bathtub rules or breaking curfew or whatever.

Apply the illustration as necessary. Number one, I want to help my child have the right motivation for their obedience. If obedience is doing the right thing in the right way for the right reason and the right power, I have to make sure I teach them the right motivation.

That absolutely must include who God is and what his expectation is for my obedience. Number two, I want to make sure my child understands my expectations and how they align with God's expectations. I can do this through questions.

I can role play. I can have them explain it back to me or even teach it to a sibling. This is an absolutely vital role that too many parents skip. Don't believe the lie that just because you said it, your kids understand it.

Number three, then I need to help them understand how they can apply the truth they've learned. This is the practical application. For example, if this is the reproving stage after a child has sinned, then this must include leading them to an apology and repentance.

That's the practical application of everything they said they've learned and understood. And all of this has one driving main idea. Number four, I need to draw my children to a place where they either accept or reject the truth that I've been sharing with them.

Too often we parent by throwing out dictates. We lecture or ramble on and we walk away assuming they are completely on page with us. I'm not sure why we do it. I don't know if it's arrogance or delusion.

It didn't work that way when our parents lectured us. Anyway, this is the point of today's episode. This is the whole enchilada. This is the point to which we should get with our kids in every conversation we have with them.

I've taught my child what I expect for them in the bathtub. I've made sure they understand the expectations and can practically work it out. And then I can, and it will sound different in nearly every situation, I can call them to respond to the truth they heard.

Are you going to obey daddy? Do you believe taking a bath this way would glorify God? Now let's apply this to the breaking curfew. A week ago you had this conversation with your son. You explained the biblical expectations for curfew.

You verified that he completely understood the importance of glorifying God in his obedience and that he practically could step through how to get home on time and what to do in an emergency situation.

But then you also called him to accept or reject the fact that obeying curfew was a realistic way that he could glorify God. And then he was prepared to accept the consequences if he disobeyed. Of course, he agreed that all of the expectations were accurate and that the appropriate consequences for his disobedience were appropriate as well.

And then the two of you discussed the implications for a short time. Now, a week later, he's late. He has no legitimate excuse. Now when it's time to confront him, it's not just, you didn't do what I said.

Now it's, you didn't please the Lord the way we discussed. The implications will be completely unavoidable. Only a delusional child would argue with the consequences that he had agreed to a week ago. Now, of course, he may be delusional and there are other parenting strategies for that.

But I cannot tell you how this situation has lifted a massive burden off of my parenting. This is onboarding at its best. This one step of verifying that your child has accepted what you have taught them has potentially given you a glimpse into their hearts, as well as made it very hard for them to argue in the event they break the rule in the future.

They've totally agreed with you that God and your expectations are right and good and acceptable and that they don't obey their sinning against their Creator. It's really hard to say that one minute and deny it the next.

And if they do, again, you know your child's heart that much better. I'm inviting you to parent with intelligence. God expects us to parent in His Word, so we need to use our parenting Bibles even when we're instructing our kids in the simple things of life like tying their shoes and doing math.

And then we need to purposefully and clearly invite our children to accept or reject that truth. Let me recap one more time. It's this one simple step that can empower our parenting in amazing ways. Parent your child to glorify God, right?

Do it for the right reasons. While doing so, you will likely rely heavily on biblical principles or direct commands. Why wouldn't you? Many times you need to root your parenting directly in the explicit character of God.

That makes all the sense in the world. It's all about Him anyway. Be sure they understand it. Help them to know how to really apply it in their lives, how to wisely live it out, how to prove their belief.

And then this is the new thing. This is the key idea. Bring them to the whole point of the conversation. Ask them if they truly believe what you've shown them. Call them to verbally accept or reject what you've discussed.

When you do so, you see their heart, you get their buy-in, and you make parenting through their disobedience that much easier because they already understand the implications of their sin.

And they've accepted it. Truth. Love. Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.