Biblical Authority and Submission: The Twin Pillars of a Godly Marriage - “The Role of a Wife”

Test, test, test.

Silence falls over the crowd. Are well trained. We'll let the few lost sheep find their way in. Well, good morning.

Glad you're here.

Opening Prayer and the Middle East

Let's do this. Why don't you open your Bibles up to the fifth chapter of Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus, to Ephesians chapter five, and we will begin in verse 22. So Ephesians chapter five and beginning in verse 22.

Well, let's start with a word of prayer. Well, our father, we come to you this morning in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, asking you to draw our hearts, our minds, our affections upward to your throne.

That we this morning together as we peer into your word, that we would meet you there, that you would meet us there, and that your spirit would do his good work in us. Our father, there is always the competing thoughts, events of the week that has been and the week that is to be, they often crowd in on us.

So we ask you, father, in this time together to help us to be focused, to put away those things. But we would be remiss if we don't continue to pray for your people around the world who are suffering.

Certainly, what is going on in the Middle East is very much front and center, and so we pray there, Lord, that you would bring an end to this violence, that you would protect the believers, that you would watch over your ancient people.

We know that there will never be peace in Jerusalem until the king of peace returns. But we pray that you might grant a respite as we wait to see the king on his throne.

Amen and amen.

Welcome. Welcome, welcome.

Marriage, Trinity, and the Text of Ephesians 5:22-33

We are in the fifth chapter of Ephesians, and verse 22, Ephesians chapter five and verse 22. So, although we have no hard evidence whether or not the apostle Paul was married or had ever been married, he nonetheless had a profound understanding of marriage and contributed greatly to our understanding of God's intentions for marriage.

We see an example of that in 1 Corinthians chapter seven where he speaks about the equal conjugal rights of husband and wife, and in that teaching, we see clear evidence that the apostle Paul saw marriage as a partnership, a partnership in which both the dignity and worth of both husband and wife were valued.

We can see it clearly enough in that teaching. But the equality of the partnership does not eliminate a differentiation of the roles or the responsibilities or the authority structures within the partnership.

Let me say it to you again. The equality of the partnership does not eliminate a differentiation of the roles, the responsibilities, and the authority structures within that partnership. This reality is most clearly displayed for us in the interaction among the persons of the Trinity with regard to the realm of salvation.

Father, Son, and Spirit are equal in essence, and yet different in roles and authorities within that realm. For example, Jesus said in John 14, nine, he who has seen me has seen the Father, a clear statement of equality.

I and the Father are one, John 10 and 30. I came to do the will of him who sent me. We're immediately confronted now here with a hierarchy. The Father and the Son both send the Spirit. John 15, 26, when the helper comes whom I will send to you from the Father, that is the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, he will testify about me.

The Son and Father send the Spirit. There is a clear differentiation here. The Spirit's role is to glorify the Son. John 16, 14, he will glorify me, for he will take of mine and will disclose it to you.

So we see the role of the Spirit is to glorify the Son. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 11 and verse three that the Father is the head of the Son. Get familiar with this verse, by the way, because we're gonna keep referring back to it, but 11 three, I want you to understand, Paul says, that Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of a woman and God is the head of Christ.

So he is setting up a syllogism there. Thus in a Christian marriage, in which the husband and wife understand and fulfill their God-given roles and responsibilities, we find the image of unity and diversity within the Godhead.

Said again, a Christian marriage in which husband and wife both understand and fulfill their given roles and responsibilities, we have the image of the unity and diversity within the Godhead.

Take a look at the text.

We'll read it together, beginning in verse 22. Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body.

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body.

For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. The title of the message this morning is Biblical Authority and Submission, the Twin Pillars of a Godly Marriage, hyphen, the role of the wife.

It's a good Puritan kind of long title, okay? It's not fancy, not catchy, but it is descriptive. It is descriptive. Now, obviously here in 522 -33, Paul does not provide everything that a husband and wife need to know or do in order to have a God-honoring, Christ-exalting marriage.

In other words, there's a lot more that pertains to the topic beyond what is here. But, but, it is impossible to have such a marriage without taking seriously and earnestly the instructions that he provides here in this passage before us, okay?

So, say it another way. There's a lot more to marriage than just this text. But, but, unless we take it seriously and earnestly what is said here, then we will never have a Christ-honoring marriage, okay?

So, let's begin, okay?

Let's begin.

And I wanna look with you, beginning this morning, at seven aspects, seven aspects of a wife's submission. Seven aspects of a wife's submission that explain, justify, and exalt this godly characteristic of Christian wives.

Say it again. Seven aspects of a wife's submission that explain, justify, and exalt this godly characteristic of Christian wives. That's what we're aiming for. So, without further ado, the first aspect is this.

The Voluntary Nature of a Wife's Submission

A wife's submission is voluntary. A wife's submission is voluntary, voluntary. As we begin the study here, Paul's instructions regarding a wife's submission to her husband, it is important to recognize that this submission is a voluntary action on her part.

It is a voluntary action on her part. Now, listen carefully. The fact that it is voluntary does not make it optional. Say it again. The fact that it is voluntary does not make it optional, but rather indicates that Christ will not force a wife to submit to her husband, okay?

It is voluntary, not optional, but Christ will not force a wife to submit to her husband, but rather, he will gently and lovingly lead her to this blessed condition as a gentle shepherd leads his sheep.

A gentle shepherd leads his sheep. It will not be done with a club, but with a shepherd's staff. Matthew chapter 11, verses 28 and following. Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden light. Now, that is speaking, first and foremost, about salvation, for sure.

However, I think we can make a legitimate application of that reality to the topic of submission. His yoke is easy and his burden is light. It is not a harshness, not harsh. Now, how will Christ do this?

How will Christ lead wives to understand and embrace the voluntary nature of the submission that Paul is calling for? How will he do it? Here's the answer, you ready? By his spirit, through his word, okay, we're done.

By his spirit, through his word. That's how he will do it. There's no secrets, there's no secrets. So, let's begin. Let's zero in on the word. Verse 22, wives, be subject to your own will. Husbands, wives, be subject to your own husbands.

Let's unpack it, let's unpack it together. First, let's take a peek at the grammar, okay?

We'll take a peek at the grammar, here it is.

The first thing we would notice is that the statement, be subject, if you have a study Bible of any sort, you will notice that it is in italics. It is in italics. And that indicates that it was added by the translators for the sake of English clarity.

It was added by the translators for the sake of English clarity. Literally, verses 21 and 22, they read as follows. And being subject, because it is a participle, and being subject to one another in the fear of Christ, wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

That's what it literally says. Wives to your own husbands, as to the Lord. The participle, being subject, verse 21, is a present middle participle, and it gains its imperatival emphasis from the verb back in verse 18, to be filled.

This is among many, many reasons why we began way back there to get a running start at this. The verb is in verse 18, it is an imperative. That imperative force carries forward into the participles that follow, including this one here.

The middle voice, and I'm quoting here Harold Hohner from his very fine commentary on Ephesians. He says, the middle voice indicates that the subject volitionally exercises the act of submission, an act of a free agent.

He says the middle voice, it's a present middle participle. There in verse 21, the middle voice indicates that the subject voluntarily exercises the action of submission as an act of a free agent. This is further evidenced by the present middle verb in verse 24, where we see there, be subject.

So that's a present middle verb, and it indicates that the church is in voluntary submission to Christ. So the idea of a voluntary submission based on Greek grammar flows all through the passage. It's all through the passage.

It is a voluntary submission, theologically. Let's look at it theologically. Notice in verse 23, it begins, with the preposition for, you see it? For, hati in the Greek, to be translated because, easily enough.

And it combined with the indicative verb is, where the husband is the head of the wife. Paul is making a statement about reality. He's making a statement about reality. That is, that the husband is the head of his wife.

That is, he is in authority over his wife. That is a theological reality. That is not a command to be obeyed. That's a statement of fact. It's a statement of fact. In stating the reality, Paul expects that that in and of itself is sufficient reason to justify the voluntary acceptance of the wife's role in the marriage relationship.

Notice he doesn't provide any other reasons. He provides no other reason. The reason, the preposition for, translated for, because, the reason for a wife to be subject to her own husband, the reason is because the husband is the head of the wife.

That's a statement of theological reality. Beyond that, notice further here, there are no commands for husbands to make their wife submit to their authority, nor are there any commands for a husband to order their wife to submit to their authority.

Okay, again, take a look.

It's not there. It's not there.

This eliminates the harshness and even brutality that can accompany a faulty understanding of this very important spiritual reality. Just like God does not force us to read the scriptures or to pray, but they are an outgrowth of a life being transformed by the Spirit, so a husband has no authority to try and make his wife submit.

Say it again. Husbands, you have no biblical authority to try and make your wife submit.

Okay?

So, you cannot make her submit to your authority, and when you try to do so, you sin against her. This passage, I'll just say this now, this passage, we'll go through it, okay? We need to learn to listen to what it's saying to us, not what it's saying to the other person, and all too often, when we hear it, what we think of is, man, listen to what it's saying.

No, no, you listen to what it's saying to you. You don't be thinking about what, I wish old Blockhead listened to this. Yeah, me too, but not your responsibility, right? So, wives, this is for you. Men, there's something for you here this morning, believe me, but we are not in a position, as husband, we are not given the authority or the responsibility to try to make our wives submit, and if we do, we will sin against them, we will.

Love her to it, love her to it, cherish her,.

Serve her, lead her to it.

We lead sheep, we drive cattle. People are not cattle, people are not cattle. Well, beyond that, godly submission is not a natural gift or ability, okay, newsflash. There are not some women who are more naturally submissive than others, okay?

Put that thought out of your mind. There are not some, man, I wished I got a wife like yours, she is so naturally submissive.

Are you serious?

You're denying the work of the Spirit in that woman's life.

Right?

Submission, godly submission, is not a natural gift, nor is it an ability. It is a spiritual discipline that must be learned. It is a spiritual discipline that must be learned. Thus, it should be modeled and taught to the younger women by the older women of the church.

It should be modeled and taught to the younger women by the older women of the church. Turn with me to Titus chapter two, and beginning in verse three. By the way, at the risk of meddling in everything, but hey, I'm so far out on the limb here, I might as well.

Ladies, this should be the basis of women's ministries. Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good. In other words, they need to be mature, so that, purpose clause, they may encourage the young women, and that, by the way, that word encourage could easily be translated train.

Okay, sometimes encourage sounds kind of weak sauce. It's train. So that they may train the young women to love their husbands, love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

This is what should be modeled and taught in the church of God to the younger women by the older women. Also notice that Paul uses the plural women. Older women, that's a plural. That indicates that the training is not to be so much formally through a single recognized gifted Bible teacher as informally through older and younger women living together, I'll use the vernacular of the day, life on life.

It's discipleship. It's walking together through life in which these things can be taught and modeled. Beyond that, it is progressive and faltering. It is progressive and faltering like any other fruit of the sanctification process.

Like any other fruit of the sanctification process, it is progressive and it is faltering. Submission is not a lesson learned once, but a singular commitment that is repeatedly learned through the circumstances of life in dependence upon the Spirit.

It is a life's pursuit. It is a life's pursuit.

Why?

Because there's an outgrowth of the work of the Spirit and it falls under the great rubric of sanctification. And there is not any of us who are fully sanctified.

We're all in progress.

We're all in progress. And it's a progressive and faltering reality. In other words, we mess up, don't we?

We mess up.

It advances through prayer and the Word. It advances through prayer and the Word, both privately in times of reading the Scriptures, reading and meditating on the Scriptures, privately, ladies, men, and publicly through the formal teaching ministries of the Church, which is what's happening right now.

So it's both privately and publicly advanced through prayer and the Word. Beyond that, it is an essential part of a mother's discipleship of her daughter. It is an essential part of a mother's discipleship of her daughter, and I would say, a mother-in-law's discipleship of her daughter-in-law.

Because when you deliver your daughter for marriage, she is not yet fully complete, right? There's that ongoing process, and the mother-in-law has a role to play as well. More is caught than taught.

More is caught than taught. So, a wife's submission is voluntary. That's the first aspect. A wife's submission is voluntary. Secondly, a wife's submission is specific. A wife's submission is specific.

The Specificity of a Wife's Submission

To your own husband. Wives, be subject to your own husbands. This is a statement of specificity. Specificity, specificity.

There we go.

How many syllables did I have? I think I had more than I needed, didn't I?

It's really easy for you to say.

It's a statement, ladies, that you are to be in subjection to your own husband, not to all men generally. To your own husband, not to all men generally, and this is a very important distinction that is often lost in a discussion of these verses.

There's a great amount of specificity here. I just messed it up so that you would think I'm funny. In the church context, all women, and all men for that matter, are called to be subject to and obey the elders.

Hebrews chapter 13, verse 17, 1 Peter 5 .5. All women and all men are called to be in subjection and be obedient to their elders, but outside of that, their submission begins and ends with their own husband, with their own husband.

Be subject to your own husband, to your own husband. Now again, in being willing to step into the minefield of women working outside the home, let me go ahead and do it. Ladies and gentlemen, there is a potential conflict when your wife works outside the home and is called to be under submission to another man.

It's a potential conflict. What if he tells her to be there Saturday for work and you say, uh-uh, Saturday is the day that we're going to do something else? Your wife is now in this place of conflict between one person she's in submission to and another person she's in submission to.

I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying be careful.

Be careful.

The potential for conflict is there. It is there. If Paul had intended for all females to submit to all males, he would have used the proper Greek terminology for male and female like he does in Galatians 3 .28.

But instead, he chooses deliberately the words for husband and wife here in Ephesians 5. To your own husband. That's who you are to be in submission to,.

Your own husband.

This causes me to think about some advice for unmarried women.

Yeah.

So, let me give it to you.

Let me give it to you. If you are unmarried or you have children who are coming of age and are unmarried, in particular, I'm talking about daughters, let me offer you some advice in this area, okay? Ladies, since you are called to be submissive to one man in particular, wisdom dictates that you choose that man well.

Choose that man well. What do you look for in a husband, ladies? What do you look for in a husband? Gentlemen, you can listen to this because we can flip it and say, what do you need to be in order to be the kind of husband a godly woman would want to marry?

Furthermore, I would just suggest to you that the local church is a natural place to observe the character of a man and for a man to observe the character of a woman. Man, I'm way out here. In my opinion, online dating is inherently dangerous and fraught with relational fraud.

In other words, when you do the online dating thing, you can be whoever you wanna be, at least initially. Far safer, far safer to patiently wait and pray within the context of a local church to find someone whom you know, their family and them, and you can observe each other over a period of time and get some of these questions answered.

So here are the questions.

Ladies, does he have a love for God? Does this man love God? His willingness and ability to biblically love you will be a function of his love for God. It'll be a function of his love for God. If he does not love God, he will not love you like this.

It probably goes without saying, but obviously he's got to be a Christian. He's got to be a Christian, which means put an end to the thoughts of missionary dating. Put an end to it. Do not date someone you would not marry.

Don't do it. He needs to be in submission to the scriptures. He needs to be in submission to the scripture. Is he a man under authority? Is he a man under authority? Is he under the authority of the word of God?

Because that will be your protection, by the way. That will be your protection. Not, you know, what an excellent man he is and pray to God you find such a man, but ultimately it will be, is he in submission to the word of God?

Because if the word of God, through the spirit of God works in him, then he can fulfill his responsibilities to you.

So is he in submission to the scriptures?

Is he a humble man? Is he a humble man? James chapter four and verse six, God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. You do not want to be in a one flesh relationship with a proud man, or you will reap the spillover of God's opposition to him.

Let me say it to you again. You do not want to be in a one flesh relationship with a proud man, or you will reap the spillover of God's opposition to him. That's the reality of it. If you're looking for a good example of that, go back to first Samuel chapter 25 and read about Nabal and Abigail.

He was a fool. He was a fool and she was married to him. Does he have a servant's heart? Does he have a servant's heart? Does he serve others or look for others to serve him? Does he serve others or does he look for others to serve him?

Again, observe that. How does he interact with his family, especially his mother? How does he interact with his family and especially his mother? In other words, does he expect his mother to wait on him hand and foot?

If he does, guess what you're getting? A boy. You're gonna marry a boy. Does he have a strong work ethic? Work ethic. Does he have a strong work ethic?

Is he lazy? Is he lazy?

Some time spent studying the Proverbs will help you to be able to spot a lazy man. It will help you to be able to spot a lazy man. Do you have compatible personalities and intellects? Do you have compatible personalities and intellects?

In other words, will he compliment you or be a constant source of frustration and irritation to you? Will he be able to biblically challenge you and help you to grow in the likeness of Christ? Not every Christian man and every Christian woman are well-suited to one another.

It's more to it than that. At least wisdom would say that. Do you have a shared worldview? Do you share the worldview? Do you see the world the same way? Are you headed in the same direction? Are you headed in the same direction?

Ladies, since you will be called to follow him and not vice versa, this is not a small issue. This is not a small issue. If you have your heart, as a young woman growing up, to assert and go to the mission field, for example, don't date and marry somebody who has no interest in going to the mission field.

You're not pulling in the same direction. And you must follow him, not him you. As I said, don't date him if you won't marry him. And don't marry somebody you hope to change. This is all advice to someone who is not yet married.

Now, we've all made mistakes along this line. Every single one of us. And this is where the glorious grace of the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ signs to. It is not a forever. It is not a forever. We're both under construction.

But if you'd like to spare yourself some pain, it's worthwhile thinking about these kinds of things.

Okay?

Oh, one piece of advice for young men.

Here you go.

Gentlemen, if you are unmarried and wanting to be, do not encourage your girlfriend or your fiance to despise or chafe under her father's authority even though you think his rules are foolish and unnecessary.

Do not encourage her to chafe or to despise her father's authority over her and the relationship even if you think he is completely out to lunch. Because in so doing, you will be encouraging your future wife to despise and chafe under your authority when you wed.

Don't lay a trap for yourself.

Right?

Back to my earlier statement about humble your heart. There's something for you to learn even under what you think is a ridiculous set of rules to govern the relationship. All right, a wife's submission is voluntary.

A wife's submission is specific. Last for this morning, a wife's submission is devotional. Voluntary, specific, devotional. As to the Lord. Verse 22, do you see it? As to the Lord. When a woman gets married, something profound happens.

Her loyalties and authority structures shift from her parents to her husband. This is why the father hands off the bride to the groom at the beginning of the wedding ceremony. It images Genesis 2 .22 when God himself brought Eve to Adam.

It symbolizes there's a definitive point in time when she passes from under the authority of her father, parents, to her new authority structure, her husband. There is never a point in time when she is not protected by authority.

Authority is protective. Who gives this woman to be married to this man? We always ask that.

That's why. That's why.

Following her wedding, a woman's devotion and concern is now divided between her responsibilities for her husband and her pursuit of the things of the Lord. At the most practical level, this is as simple as time commitments.

At the practical level, it's as simple as time commitments. Before marriage, a woman has much more time to give undivided attention to Christ and his people than she will have following her wedding. The Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 .34, he says, the woman who is unmarried and the virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit, but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

That's just a recognition of reality. Now, it doesn't mean that somehow marriage reduces a woman's ability to love and serve God. In fact, what happens now is the mechanism through which her devotion is expressed changes.

The mechanism through which she expresses her devotion to the Lord changes. Therefore, a godly wife recognizes authority structures are from God, and by submitting to authority, she is submitting to God who stands behind the authority.

Specifically, as a wife submits to her husband, she is submitting to the Lord who designed marriage. It's devotional, ladies. When you submit to your husband, you are submitting to the Lord who is the designer of marriage.

This is an act of worship, an act of worship. A godly wife understands that authority and submission in marriage are an expression of the divine order, not a statement on human worth. Say it again. A godly wife understands that authority and submission in marriage are an expression of the divine order and not a statement on human worth.

We bear the image of God, male and female, and a godly wife does not chafe under that authority. She doesn't chafe under it. A godly woman grieves. A godly woman grieves when, through sinful self-interest, she fails or falls short in this area of her spiritual life and she seeks to change.

A godly woman grieves when, through sinful self-interest, she fails or falls short of this area of her spiritual life and she seeks to change. This is what it means. All right, well, I'll tell you what, let's put a bow on it.

What have we learned? What have we learned?

We've learned this. A wife's submission is voluntary.

It is always voluntary.

A wife's submission is specific.

It is always specific.

It is specific to your own husband. That is how God has designed it for you, to protect you, to turn your heart to him. A wife's submission is devotional. It's how you express, one of the ways you express your devotion to the Lord.

You understand he's the one who designed this whole thing and he loves you. And he has designed this for you so that, as you embrace what he has for you, you will begin to experience the joy that obedience brings.

Next week, next week, we're going to examine the fourth aspect, ladies, gentlemen, and that is comprehensive. A wife's submission to her husband is comprehensive. Don't miss, don't miss.

Let's pray.

Father, it is with a heart of humility, even reverence and awe, that we bow before you in this aspect of life. And we all readily admit that it cuts across us. There is within us deep that desire to have the world serve us, to work and manipulate even relationships so that they serve our interests.

And yet, we're called to follow the Savior who didn't come to be served, but to serve and give his life a ransom for many. And so we are called to that. And this morning before us, we have been talking about what Paul has to say as he begins to address wives.

And it is serious and even at times heavy. But Father, it is not a burden.

It is a joy.

There is great joy in obedience. There is great blessing that comes. And Father, I pray that this week that you would enable all of us, both husband, wife, man, and woman, to spend some time thinking about these things.

We will have very much to say to the men for sure. We have twice as much to say to the men because Paul had twice as much to say to the men. But right now, this is where we are. And so may you apply it as is needed for the glory of Christ we pray, amen.

All right, blessings on you. Again, I will just say this to you. If questions come to your mind that I didn't cover or that you think I ought to or whatever, please email them to me and I will do my level best to try to address them, either planning to address them in future topics, or if not, then if necessary, we'll do a kind of a clean-up session, okay?

Thanks, bless you.