Submission to Christ in Marriage

Good morning, beloved. If you are so able, please turn to your Bibles and Ephesians chapter 5. We're gonna be examining Verses 22 to 27. Please do stand when you have that for the reading of God's Word.

The Reading of Ephesians 5:22–27

Here he this morning the Word of the Lord wives. Submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church His body and is himself its savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. And gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.

So that he might present the church to himself in splendor. Without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without Blemish. Amen. May God bless the reading of his word. You may be seated.

Let us pray Sovereign God we come before you. Knowing that you are the true And only king of kings and lord of lords to whom we bow and bring true and humble submission to. We ask God that you would bless the preaching of your word this morning that would go forth in power and authority and that it would be received by receptive ears and hearts on good soil that the seed may grow and prosper.

And reap forth the blessing of eternal life and we ask these things in Jesus name. Amen. Boy, this is one of those fun sermons where It can be a challenge especially in a day and culture that we live in to preach such a message as this the temptation.

Of this message i'm going to speak to the brothers. Uh is that when we read a verse like we just did in ephesians chapter 5 verse 22 wives. Submit to your own husbands as to the lord, you know I don't want to see any elbows going like this to the wives from the husband saying you hear that honey.

You hear what the pastor just said? And then likewise in verse 25 when it says husband love your wives I don't want to see any of the women shoving their elbows into their husband saying you hear that honey.

Pastor said that and the reality is that there's a message here for both sexes for male and female for Those who are married for those who are not married. This is a message that is for you that will bless you that will encourage you and that will lead you into the right way of understanding the Beauty that god has made and ordained for us in holy matrimony.

There's a beautiful message here. And in reality what we see in these verses of scripture is a glorious presentation of the gospel. But I want to put this out there before we go any further into the text.

I want you to understand this in genesis chapter 1 Verse 26 and 27. We have the triune god. Saying let us make man in our image god creates in that perfect garden male and female. God had spoken his word into the cosmos and he says let us make man in our image.

And then the result of that in genesis chapter 1 verse 26 and 27. Is that the the moses says under divine inspiration and then he made them male and female. In his image in his likeness brothers and sisters.

Both male and female are equally made in the glorious image of god. There is no distinction between the male and the female in regard to their Humanity and the shared image that they have received from their maker from the creator.

We are indeed as the apostle paul Expresses so beautifully in galatians 3 28. There is no slave or free man. There is no greek or jew. There is no barbarian or scythian. There's no male or female, but we are all one in christ jesus.

Meaning that the barriers between us whether it be race. Whether it be the skin tone whether it be our sexual organs all those things break down into the unity of christ. Because on that great day when we are presented to christ, guess what we will be that bride.

We will be this singular bride that comes before the lord. Holy spotless and blameless before our savior. Therefore I want you to write this in if you're following along men and women are equally made in the image of god.

So there is no distinction in terms of human dignity and worth when we're talking about the sexes. It's not that that man is more so in a particularly ontological way made in god's image. It's not in the text of genesis chapter 1 and we don't see that in galatians chapter 3.

Yet What we see is this oneness of humanity both in the garden. God made god said let us make man our image and then he made man in his image both male and female and then By the apostle paul's words that we are all one in christ.

There is a unity that is shared amongst male and female in their connectedness to the creator and their relationship with christ. But there is an order. So I I have to admit that I I speak on this subject with great humility.

Because the subject that we are approaching this morning is one of great significance. It's one of marriage. A couple years ago. So i'll be honest with you. This is my third time preaching through the book of ephesians.

And i've preached it in canada. I've preached it in the last church. I just love the book of ephesians and I think it's a great probably one of the most brilliant pieces of work in the world. And I preached this sermon a similar sermon to this twice before.

And in wisconsin when I preached this message I had a sister who was very strongly opinionated on many things and she came up to me after the message. She's like You know, you shouldn't even preach These verses you are too young.

Who are you to tell me about life? Who are you to tell me about marriage? I was a little bit younger back then and but now i'm i'm in my 30s. So I will not tolerate that uh from you guys I've lived a little bit of life now.

This weekend it will be 11 years of marriage of me and my beloved. And so I think I can speak a little bit into this topic and I can speak a little bit. Uh from my perspective as a person who's been married for 11 years, but also as a disciple and follower of jesus christ know this that uh There is a a great power to understanding these verses of scripture that can bless your life.

That can bless your marriage that can bless your family bless your relationships. And there's a sacred mystery involved in all of this that I want you to Comprehend with me this morning. If not only by the power of the spirit working in us.

But I speak with humility, but I also want to tell you that I speak with great authority On this not because i've been married for 11 years not because of my position as a pastor. But because the words that I speak are not my own but they're from god's word.

And god's word is the authority. God's word has the final say in all matters, especially dealing With our relationships to god and to one another and no greater Relationship can one experience in this life apart from the relationship that we have with the lord.

Than the relationship that you and I will have with our spouse. Therefore with great humility, but with great authority I present to you this message of submission to christ in marriage. The order of creation.

And the family unit itself Has been trampled on in today's society. In today's modern world We see that all the gender roles and all the the the beautiful complexities that come with life and marriage Have been under assault by post-modern egalitarian and feminist movement.

That has taken over our country since the 1960s. We see again that these roles of men and women in our post-modern context have been to undo the biblical roles of male and female. And to usurp the structure and the sanctity of the family unit itself.

You know, there's two views predominant views in christiandom When it comes to the relationship of male and females. One is an egalitarian view, which is a worldly perspective, which essentially says They take the first part of what I said, yes.

Male and female we're equal. Therefore we're all one. Therefore. There's no distinctions. And because there's no distinctions a woman can take on the roles of a man the man can take on the roles of a woman.

And this egalitarianism that has infiltrated even the church uh does away with biblical authority And biblical headship and this is why we see even within evangelicalism What is supposed to be the conservative wing of christiandom at least here in america you have women pastors women who believe that it is their their right to be in the pulpit and to deliver God's word and to shepherd a people when god's word specifically tells us the qualifications of an elder the qualifications of a pastor.

And that is a role particularly specifically For qualified men and so egalitarianism begins to Blur the lines between male and female and because we're all one. Because we're all equally made in god's image.

Therefore we can equally share in these roles with very little distinction if any. I would submit to you that that is not the biblical worldview. And that is not what the bible teaches in regard to the roles of male and female.

Instead I would hold on to what is called a complementarian view. That affirms again the uniqueness of male and females being made in god's image equally all having Being made one in the body of christ under the supremacy of the lord.

Jesus christ yet being distinction. There being distinctions within the roles of men and women. Regardless of what the world says Men cannot get pregnant. Regardless of what they say Men do not have the appropriate parts.

It is not how god designed. This is not what god intended for men but instead Women have been blessed with such a beautiful gift to be able to to Procreate in their womb to hold and and have a child develop in them and then deliver that child into the world.

To nurture it to bless it to teach it and the role of a man Is to be a protector to be a provider and of course in also be a a nurturing father figure. We're not talking about these Gender roles in that.

They are completely exclusive in regard to. The mom always has to be the nice sweet one. And then the dad's always a cold distant dad who just provides. That's not what i'm talking about. But instead what we see in the culture is this breakdown of the nuclear family.

This breakdown of gender roles this breakdown of the family unit. And it stems from an egalitarian Perspective and even beyond just the egalitarianism and the complementarianism and the views that we've laid out before you this morning.

What's really at stake here is the gospel. What really is at stake here is? Addressing sin. And finding our solution to sin in the person and work of jesus christ. Because it is god himself who is established through creation.

And through his word the proper roles for men and women. This is now where we find ourselves in god's word. We see in verse 22 of ephesians chapter 5 paul after delivering a word of Walking in the newness of life as christians.

He says in verse 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for christ and and that's not just something that we do Within the church context. This is a submission out of reverence that we do in all relationships.

Specifically in the ones that paul are going to is going to lay out right now in verses 22 and 25 when he says wives Submit to your own husbands as to the lord. I want to admit that this is a this can be a potentially dangerous text.

And that this is a text that can be easily When understood and read only in a vacuum Misapplied and be even harmful to people. Why. Because the way in which wives submit to their husbands according to scripture.

Is what we see in verse 21 one out of reverence? For christ. Now are husbands worthy of their wives submission. I would present to you and say that yes. But We know we live in a fallen world. Where there are men who can be abusive men who can be cold and hard and distant and yet Even the an unbelieving spouse is worthy of submission.

And so how do we square these things these real life examples of life where where sometimes there's even abuse in a marriage Between the husband and the wife. And how do we square this with god's word saying wives submit to your husbands ask to the lord.

Well, I believe this that submission. Which is the key word here to submit Is a really ugly word in our culture today. Don't you agree? Think about that word and the connotation that it has especially amongst young people.

If you bring this into the modern world and you say and you bring this before a modern couple and you talk about gender roles. And you say it is a wife's duty to submit to your husband. The woman would likely scoff laugh and say Yeah, right.

And in fact, I know this because I have brought this up in many modern contexts and have gotten that very same response. There's something that has happened and shifted in our world since the 1960s. The culture has celebrated independence from authority resulting in a generation Who rejects godly submission?

And and what does that result in what's been a fruit of this venture since the sexual revelation? Revolution in the in the 60s and 70s. Nothing less than the breakdown of the nuclear family. Where divorce rates Have now skyrocketed over 50 percent in america where a majority for the first time in history, we're seeing a A huge shift in the demographics where somewhere north of 30 percent of households are now Run by single mothers.

We've also seen an increase in sexual morality along with all kinds of societal woes that stem from unfettered sexual supremacy in the culture notice the spread of all sorts of sicknesses and diseases sexually transmitted diseases.

You see monkey pox in the news. These are all things that are a result of a broken fallen world and in a sinful course of action. That has divorced sexuality gender roles from their proper place as god has ordained them and yet We know that there is an opposer.

There's satan the devil who is our opposer. Who did not submit to god and has sown his seeds of rebellion all over our land. Yet the answer to this the answer that we must come to is godly submission.

Godly submission. Submission first and foremost to christ who is indeed lord. Last week we talked about submitting to christ and the supremacy of christ lordship. Jesus christ is indeed lord of lords and king of kings and we must submit to him.

And in submitting to him We find our submission to one another in the context of the church the context of god's people. But we also see even more importantly or just as importantly submission in the family.

Because the family is sacred I know the world doesn't think so anymore. The world has has rejected traditional family norms. And again, what does that result in a world filled with even more chaos. As the nuclear family begins to break down in this country.

So will our institutions. It's no wonder why institutional trust Are at all-time low in this country? This is not something that is just New or has just developed recently. This has been a trend for the last 70 years in this country.

Godliness. And godly submission produces working blessed efficient happy families and homes. You see this is not about the subjection of women. Or setting women back as many women would accuse a message of like like this or words like this to to presume.

But instead this is for the true liberation of the sexes. To embrace the call of god and the submission that leads to freeness in christ. I want you if you can turn to first peter chapter 3. In first peter chapter 3 peter gives an A word admonition to those who are married a very timely word.

And he says in first peter chapter 3 starting in verse 1. Likewise wives. Be subject to your own husbands very similar admonition that paul gives the churches in ephesus. So that even if some do not obey the word.

That they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives. Notice what is at play here. Notice what's at stake. In terms of godly submission and submission to one another in the context of marriage.

Nothing less than the gospel. It's the gospel. Wives are to submit to their husbands even if they're unbelievers. Why? So that they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives. You know, maybe some of you guys have read a book the case for christ.

The case for christ was a book written by lee strobel who was uh independent journalist for the chicago tribune and He got married to the love of his wife, but he was an atheist and his wife was an atheist, too.

Shortly after the marriage the wife began attending church and became a christian. And this frustrated and angered lee strobel so much Uh that he could not believe that his wife would betray him that she would become a christian of all things.

When that wasn't what he signed up for he didn't sign up to marry a woman like that. He didn't sign up to marry, you know a christian woman. But what resulted was that as his wife continued to learn and grow in christ.

She began to change. Her life began to be a living testimony and so much so that lee strobel became inquisitive to her christian faith. And even though he was treating her Not very well. She maintained a godly stance of submission and of love and faithfulness to her husband.

And what resulted from that is that lee strobel then goes and does an investigative work to find out if christianity could be true. And that resulted in the testimony that he gave in the case for christ where he himself also became a christian.

And had submitted to the lordship of jesus christ and now their marriage is whole in jesus. So if you're following along in the teaching godly submission marriage honors god and can win unbelieving spouses.

How do they win unbelieving spouses? Well, it says in verse 2 of first peter chapter 3. He says when they see your respectful and pure conduct. You see when you come to faith in jesus. Jesus changes you from the inside out.

He does not leave you the way he found you. And he will begin to change you your heart your desires your the way that you present yourself the way that you live and you begin to have a life of respectful and beautiful purity.

And so it is by pure Conduct you can write that in as well. Godly submission produces fruit and of that fruit can be even the winning over of unbelieving spouses. By the pure conduct now, this is a challenge for not only women, but also for men.

There are many men who also have unbelieving spouses and in the same truth applies in Verse 2 that they see are respectful and pure conduct. They should see a difference in you. The world should be able to see a difference in each and every single one of you.

You know, there's a phrase that I really appreciate it goes like this. If you know that the world if the world cannot tell that you're a christian by your facebook. Then you're doing something wrong. If the world cannot tell that you're a christian by your conduct, but what you put out there on social media.

There's a great discrepancy then between that which you profess and that which you Act out in real life. Our life should be a living testimony. It is significant. However in our main text in ephesians chapter 5.

That through this text husbands and wives are reminded of their duties. And not their rights. They're reminded of their duties to one another but not their rights. And in the world that we live in today, we have forsaken duty for rights and maybe it's just the american in us Where we have so many beautiful rights enshrined in our constitution that grant us Unparalleled freedoms compared to the rest of human civilization and human history.

Yet dear christian. It is helpful to be reminded that is not always about your rights, but more so your duties. As a christian your duty as a father as a husband to provide to protect to be a defender to lift up the banner of Jesus christ.

Your duty as a wife to lovingly submit to the arrangement that god has blessed in the family. To rear your children in the way that they should go. Producing godly offspring for the glory of god and for the advancement of god's kingdom throughout the ages.

We must remember that it is important also to read all that is said in this section realizing again That it follows that which has been said in verse 21 about mutual submission. And that it presupposes what is stated in galatians 3 28 of the equality of christ the equality in christ of male and females.

But there is still a greater thing to be learned and grasped in ephesians chapter 5. Verse 23 says for the husband Is the head of the wife? Even. As christ is the head of the church His body and is himself its savior the christian family Is ordered under Christ headship.

I want you to write that in The christian family is ordered under christ headship. We see in first corinthians chapter 11 verse 3 the apostle paul says That the head of the woman is the man. The head of the man is christ and the head of christ is god.

There is headship and order notice that man Are under the headship of christ women under the headship? Of the man, but christ under the headship of the father. There is a mutual respect and submission In the arrangement of the godhead even and Christ though he submits as the god man to the father.

Does that make him any less god? By no means Jesus christ is equally god. Shares all the attributes of the one true and triune god. He is in himself fully god and yet First corinthians 11 3 he is in submission.

He is under the headship of god the father Doesn't make him any less god. In the same way that when a woman submits to her husband doesn't make her any less human worthy of dignity love protection. And under the image of the almighty god.

Therefore these are things that we are to be reminded of to be encouraged with. That this headship and submission Is ultimately out of reverence for him. Again, we we understand this in light of verse 21 of ephesians 5 submitting to one another out of reverence for christ.

But when our rights become the focus we I me Become the center of the relationship. When I make it about my rights or when you make it about your rights. Who's at the center? You see we can speak like this in regard to our political rights.

Because in a democracy and a republic the people rule and it is about the people. But in the family and in marriage It isn't about you. It isn't about your rights. It's about christ. It's about god. It's about the lord.

It is the lord who should be the center of our marriages and not me and my desires. Because when you look at why 51 of marriages end up in divorce in america. Most of them result in what's called irreconcilable differences.

Irreconcilable differences another way of saying that is Essentially in the marriage in the commitment one party says to the other. You know what this isn't what I signed up for. You are not Completing or satisfying what I thought you would be doing so therefore I have grounds and rights to.

To dissolve the contract to dissolve the covenant because you didn't live up to your side or you just not what I thought you would be. Irreconcilable differences. Now what's the error in that the gross sin behind that is the sin of idolatry?

The sin of me being at the center of the marriage and not christ. Because in a christ-centered marriage, it's not about you. It's not about me. It's about him. It's about christ. It's about his glory his kingdom his dominion.

And the family is at the heart of the dominion and rule of christ in this world. It is through the family it is through this beautiful Union of man and woman and marriage and holy matrimony that god is indeed increasing and blessing his kingdom.

The family is so important brothers and sisters. And marriage is the glue that holds Mary that that marriage is the glue that holds families together. You see i'm a product of divorce. My parents divorced when I was 13 years old.

So I know up front and personal. The destruction that comes with divorce. You know just recently, uh, my youngest son, uh, my oldest son. Uh, he said he watched a program, uh on disney or something and he was asking me.

Is it true that sometimes mom and daddies? leave each other. And I said, yeah. Yeah, so he this concept of divorce never even occurred to him and I said yes, unfortunately, there are people who get married and then they leave each other and.

And he says that makes me sad. And it should make all of us sad. Because it's not what god intended. God did not intend for this union to be broken by anything but death. And it is why oftentimes in our society divorce is usually the first option instead of the last.

And as soon as we're uncomfortable as soon as as our inconveniences are interrupted. We find it just and right within ourselves to initiate the dissolvement of the covenant. And that does not honor christ.

Does not honor his headship. Does not honor the reverence that we were to show to him in submitting to one another in love for the reverence and glory of christ. See it is with the lord at the center that we can begin to see the big picture of marriage.

That submission isn't about who has more rights or authority in the relationship. But rather that it is to acknowledge this truth that christ is the authority. Christ is the authority. Not you not me.

Not what I feel about my marriage, but christ. Christ is lord. And what has the lord ordained? But for us for women for wives to submit to your husbands as to the lord and husbands to love their wives.

We'll get more into that in just a second notice what it says. Though one more time in verse 23 for the husband is ahead of the wife even as christ is ahead of the church. So there's respect there's this Setting up of headship that we see in the text then his body and is himself its savior you see if we do anything to destroy to Waken the bond of holy matrimony of marriage.

We are attacking the very heart of christ. In that marriage is a picture of christ and his people. No less can we undo. And separate christ from his people. And that should be the same heart that we ought to have in our marriages.

That divorce is not an option. It's not even to be considered amongst holy people amongst those who believe in christ verse 24 says. Now as the church Submits to christ. So also wives should submit in everything to their husbands this again Is a respectful a a a submission out of reverence for christ.

Just as the church submits to christ in saying which is pretty important here folks that the pastor Or bishop or an organization is not the final authority but christ himself. And this is how you can recognize a true church from a false one the one who holds fast to the word of god as the inerrant inspired authoritative word.

And practices that which is laid out in holy scripture that is a true and good church. But there are churches now even in our nation even in our own backyard. That throw the bible to the wind and they say the bible's not that authoritative.

We can bend it here and there. There there are things that are just out of date. For instance, this is why we can have female pastors. These are just so out of date, you know, it's just cultural. It's just you know, we don't have to follow everything in the bible.

Nonsense because at that point who becomes the authority well they do but a true church. Finds its authority in scripture. Finds his submission to christ in holy scripture. So this is why again it says now as the church submits to christ the church is to submit to christ and everything in everything.

So also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands. But now comes a good strong warning in which we have to Understand verse 24 in light of what we're going to see in verse 25 husbands.

So now here's the word to you men husbands. Love your wives. As christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Husbands here's your command. Love your wife. Love your wife. I'm, not talking about have you know, just a nice little uh, Fuzzy feelings in your heart or or or love your wife when it's convenient when she when she looks good when she looks bad.

When she's healthy when she's not healthy wherever regardless of her circumstance, you love that woman. You love her so much that you'd be willing to die and lay down your life for her. You'd be willing to lay down your life for your children.

Is a sacrificial agape love to what she has called you to love your wives. And if you love your wife as christ has commanded us there's going to be a Um a few things that you will not even dare to do one.

You will not lay your hands on her in an inappropriate way. That's very important. Men are not to domineer their wives. Not to lay a hand on them to do harm to them. But they are to love And cherish that woman that god has ordained to be his own.

Therefore we should not even fathom. To lay a finger on god's precious anointed. And so brothers and sisters, we recognize that this submission is important. But but husbands know this the love to which you have been called to.

Is that with which christ has loved us with? Humble gentle loving and also in all ways. Another thing that we must avoid to do as husbands is to not consider our wives In the decision-making process.

It's easy for a man to say well i'm the head. What I say goes it's my decision. No, no, no brothers and sisters when when the bible says that when a man and woman come together, they become one flesh.

Not that you become a hundred percent of that flesh it is two that become one. Therefore decisions should be made in the context of relationship. You know, you you do not as a husband have unilateral power to do bad for your for your family.

You are to lead. And you are to lead well. And this is what it means to have the mind of christ. To submit to christ in all things just as the church submits to christ and that when we lead. We are someone worthy of leading.

Because it's so often That wives will follow their husbands even to the pit. And and husbands that's going to fall on you. That's going to be on your shoulder. That's going to be on you on that day of judgment.

So husbands Love your wives as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So you don't live and lead a life in which you lead your wife into despair. Or into the grips of death, but rather you be the one Who will be fighting for her championing her championing your family even to the point of death.

That's your duty. That's your job. Okay, regardless of how that of how that takes shape and form. It is your job to slay the dragons. It's your job to be protector. It's your job to be a provider. It's yours.

It's your responsibility. Just as christ is the one who slays the dragon for us. He's the one who comes the victorious david who comes and destroys the dragon of sin will destroy the dragon of satan the devil himself.

And he will present to himself a beautiful blameless perfect spotless bride. You see that one of the reasons why that bride is going to be spotless is because it's jesus who's done all the work to protect her.

And so it falls in the man. To be a strong protector. Are you protecting your spouse? Are you protecting your spouse your family your children from the influences of the world? From the machinations of the devil from his fiery arrows.

It is our job to be not only The one taking the lead in finances or work or mundane things of life, but spiritually. We are to be the priests of our own home. We're the ones who are to be leading our family and family worship.

Leading them in the word daily. Making them strong in the lord. This is our duty. And we do so out of reverence for christ. We see in verse 25 again. Husbands love your wives as christ. Loved the church you see the love that with with which we are to love.