Tape 2 - Christian Reflections from the Jewish Family

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Dr. Irwin "Rocky" Freeman

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And Bayit means home. Shalom Bayit, a peaceful home. How to have a peaceful home?
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Now listen carefully. Don't think that you have a peaceful home because you don't beat your wife. Don't think that you have a peaceful home because, you know,
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I'm not violent, I'm not hostile. A peaceful home goes far beyond that. Far beyond that.
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A person, they say, who is only friendly with strangers has never passed the test of peace.
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Because by being friendly with a stranger, he can be motivated by praise or self -interest. True peace, true shalom, is to be found where people differ in fundamental aspects.
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That's where you find true peace. When the behavior patterns are different, when their aspirations are different, when their desires are different, and where the love that a man has for his wife, wife has for her husband, young people have for their parents, and parents have for their, watch it, where that love is not totally pure.
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Where it's a love that sometimes doesn't express itself like it wants to. And anger is constantly pressing for expression.
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That is the true test, according to the Jewish sages, of peace, shalom.
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Whenever things are different. See, it's easy for you and me to be at peace with one another here tonight. But when you go home, and you got sent out with husband and wife and young people, and you've heard it said, you have a husband, you have a wife.
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Husband, wife. The husband's got to get along with the wife. But the wife's got to get along with the husband. Now you got a son.
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That son's got to get along with the wife. That son's got to get along with the husband. That husband's got to get along with the wife.
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And he's got to get along with the son. The wife's got to get along with the son, and got to get along with the husband. Now you got a daughter.
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The daughter's got to get along with the son. Daughter's got to get along with the wife. Daughter's got to get along with the husband. Wife's got to get along with the son.
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Wife's got to get along with the daughter. Wife's got to get along with the husband. Husband's got to get along with the wife. Now you bring in -laws in there. Dear people, is it any wonder there are tensions in the home?
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I'm not surprised there ought to be. There have to be. There have to be. But there can be peace.
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There can be peace in a home. And it can be a sweet peace. And you don't have to give up your personality.
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No one has to give up their personality. No one has to throw away who they are. No one has to be crushed.
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No one has to be demolished. No one has to be forced down. No one has to be in a point where they can't express themselves. I believe that a teenager.
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I believe that a nine -year -old boy. I personally believe that a ten -year -old girl. I believe that an eight or nine -year -old ought to have some freedom of expression in the home.
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Or a man will say, Dad, I don't understand why you do that. Mom, why do you do that that way? I don't understand that.
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I don't believe that's right. I saw a young father. He has four children, teenagers.
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And he was correcting one of them. And he just noticed a little look of disdain on his 18 -year -old daughter. And he turned to her and looked at her and he said,
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Jennifer, do you think Dad's unfair about that? She said, Yes, Dad, I sure do. He said, Would you express that to me?
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And she shared it with him. He said, You know, I didn't think about that. And he said, Son, will you accept
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Dad's apology? Will you forgive Dad for that? He said, I corrected you in anger. I should not have done that.
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And he said, You and I will talk about this later. And it just went on. I thought, Man, that's interesting to me.
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That's strange. People do that kind of stuff. I mean, that's godly. Man, that's
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Christian. That's loving. That's giving. That's understanding. That's discernment.
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That's all those things that we talk about, but they put it in practice. I said, Why can't we all do that? It takes effort, doesn't it?
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And it takes time to have a peaceful home. A person who truly loves peace pursues that peace in the home.
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A person who truly loves it knows two things. They know the obstacles that will stand in the way, and they know how to solve the obstacles.
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Most of the questions that are asked me, and I promise you if you ask your pastor, I would suggest to you that most likely he will say that most of the questions that are asked him about problems and difficulties in the family are just simply this.
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It is not what the obstacle is. Everybody knows what the problem is, but how can
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I solve this problem? And yet, I will assure you that there is no one sitting here right tonight who doesn't already know enough to have a successful family.
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We are constantly learning, but never able to come to that. Listen, dear people, if you just put in practice what you already know about your
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Lord and about His love for you and your love for the Bible and what the Bible says, if you just put that in practice, listen, you will take giant strides in the growth of your family and your relationships.
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There is no secret formula. No one has a magic key. It takes time, it takes effort, and it takes discipline to do it.
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And anybody tells you they can give you a secret formula, and if you'll follow these nine steps, or if you go through this conference, or if you'll go through this program, it'll solve and it'll do and all those.
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My dear people, it never has happened. It didn't happen in the lives of the apostles. It has never happened in the lives of the great Christian men and women who affected this world for Christianity, unlike anybody else has.
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They all took time and they took effort. Now, I'm not saying it takes you 50 years, but it does take time, it does take effort.
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It takes some people longer than it does others. But God takes you where you are, and God works with us where we are, and He takes us with what we've got to work with.
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And I quit asking myself, well, did you do what you ought to do? Did you do what you ought to have done?
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Because I found out most time I could never say yes, and I was getting discouraged. So I just quit asking myself, did
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I do what I ought to do? What I've learned to ask myself is, did I do the best that I could do at that time with what
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I knew to do with? And I found out many times I say, now, if I could do it again, I wouldn't do it that way,
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I'd do it different. But at that time, I did the best that I could with what I knew, and with where I was, and with what
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I had to do with. And that's all God wants, is to be faithful with what
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He's given me. Use that which you have, and my dear sweet people, God will never give us more light until we obey the light we already have.
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He just does. Peaceful home. Well, let me bring it to a close for this evening. You're so patient.
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A person who loves peace will understand the obstacles that stand in the way of that peace, and how to overcome them.
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And it is extremely difficult to keep peace everywhere. But I am convinced that the most difficult place on this earth to keep peace is in the home.
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It is the most difficult place that I have ever known anything about. You can keep peace on the job, you can keep peace in school, you can keep peace in the office, you can keep peace everywhere, but the conflicts that arise in the home, my dear people, it is very difficult to keep peace.
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And so the Jewish people say, what is the gain from quarreling? You correct one small fault and you replace it with a greater one.
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Nothing is more hateful to God, they say, and nothing is more harmful to God's people than strife.
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Pride bringeth forth contention, the scripture tells us. And any time a husband's arguing with his wife, a wife's arguing with her husband, then pride has reared up in one of the two.
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Any time young people argue with their parents, or parents are arguing with their young people, it doesn't make any difference which way they go, it is pride that has reared up.
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If there is an argument going on, I'm not talking about a disagreement, I'm not talking about understanding and trying to explain something,
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I'm talking about an argument, and you know the difference. And I think they've latched on to something.
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A man who will sacrifice peace to some other goal, no matter how important, for the most part, ends up by accomplishing nothing except to make his home a flaming inferno.
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He will have turned it into a scene of contention among all the members of the household, himself included, caught up in the flames, and once the flame of controversy is lit in a home, it will keep burning and burning and burning and burning, and it's extremely difficult to quench it, to extinguish it, once that controversy has lit.
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And so I want to pick up tomorrow and talk about some of the causes of dissension, how to escape the dissension, about what
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God means when he says, look at yourself, and the reactions, and then go back in and look at the books that were opened at birth, and to look at the lights that were lit whenever you were married.
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There are basically two lights that were lighted whenever you were married, and there are two books that are opened when you were born, according to Jewish law and according to Jewish culture, and they both put practical handles on things that you and I can do, and I promise you, if you be here tomorrow, and especially
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Wednesday, don't miss Wednesday. I got a goodie, Wednesday. Don't miss
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Wednesday. One of the things that I deal with and you deal with, and it's something that just comes out of nowhere, and it's something none of us want, and yet it is there all the time, and I want us to look at what the
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Scripture actually says about dealing with that subject, and I believe it'll put some handles, and I think that you'll rejoice when you see it.
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I know you're already working on it, and so be that. When you leave, if you haven't signed up for our free magazine, would you please just stop by the table and sign your name and address and get the free
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Jewish magazine. Remember Romans 116, for I'm not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, it's the power of God in salvation to everyone who believes, to the
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Jew first, but also to the Gentiles. It's the power of God. So you need to know what's going on amongst
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Jewish people. The magazine's free. It's a freebie. I mean, you'd want something free, wouldn't you? Say yes.
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Well, you look like we're in the mortuary now. The cowboys have already lost, so we ought to be rejoicing today.
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It's a new day. They got their Redskins coming in Sunday, and they don't score many points. Who? They sure did, didn't they?
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What was it, 33 or 38 to nothing? How much? 30 to nothing?
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Oh, I lost $100. No, I don't believe that.
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Oh, listen, thank you for coming. I appreciate you so much. You don't know what being in your presence does for someone like me.
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I'm everywhere, and I go all the time, and, you know, I go into churches, but I come to you with one desire, and that's to be a part of your life and to share something, hopefully, that'll be helpful to you.
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I work on the same things, but, you know, I never come to this church, and it has been the highlight of my year other than going to Israel.
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That's the highlight of my life, other than being home, so that'd be number three. Other than being home, being in Israel.
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But I want you to know that you minister to my life, your pastor, your staff, and you as a people, just by what
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I know God's doing with you. And as I listen, as I sit in the office, and I watch people come and go or listen to what's going on, you know, and I just observe without being nosy or anything, listen to you, and I see what
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God's doing in your life here in Denison. If Jesus tarries and doesn't come, you have a glorious future in the
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Lord. You really and truly do. It's exciting to me, and as I drove up the highway, I was sharing with your pastor the day at lunch, as I drove up the highway,
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I just thought, you know what a joy, and I don't want to move or anything, but it would just be a joy.
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I just wish it was closer so I could be a member of your church. I would just love to be here, not to give any money or anything,
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I'd just like to be here and watch. I just want to be here and watch what God does in your life.
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But you have some great couples in your church, you have some great senior citizens, if you call them that, you have some great young people, and it's exciting, and I sense, you may not, because you know, you're in the middle of the forest, but when someone stands out and looks at the forest, sometimes you can see it, and I sense, not only warmth and unity and love, but I also sense anticipation, and that's so important to me, to sense that you're expecting something to happen in the life of yourself and your church.
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Now I don't know what it is, and I don't know when you'll build your building or what, that's in the hands of God with you, but I just pray and thank
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God for you, I thank God for this church, I thank God for the impact. Now let me just close with this remark, and your pastor will come and close this, just remember this and spread it about, the more
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God blesses your church, and the more He does for you, the more opposition you're going to get.
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Satan is going to come against you, he is not going to allow this church to have an impact on this community, like I believe
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God wants it to, and it is having, and it's growing all the time, but Satan's going to come against you, and so be aware that there's an enemy out there, and any opposition that comes against you, when you're being faithful to the
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Lord, God will overcome, God will overcome, and we are at the heart deceitfully and desperately wicked, but in it all we are more than conquerors, through Him who loved us, and gave
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Himself for us, and greater is He that is in you, than he that's in this world, do not fear, man or the spirit world, just walk with God, and He'll bless you for it, pastor if you'll come and dismiss us.
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It's good, well we could, you know, start mentioning these ball games, and things like that, my mind gets to rolling, you know, and gets to thinking about it, isn't it interesting the temporal values of life, you know
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I mean, I like sports don't you, I mean, some of, well you don't have to, you know, you can get to heaven without it, it's not a prerequisite, for serving the
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Lord, but it's one of those activities of life, that seem to attract a lot of people, and you know, in college
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I enjoyed it, and enjoyed it before, and enjoyed it after, and I enjoy it now, it's just the thing about, when you think about it, everybody either give up things to the
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Lord, or give up that which might help them in their lives, whether it's what I'm doing, or what you're doing, just being around Christian people, if my church wanted to meet, and everybody does to me,
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I want to meet with them, I mean, I want to be there, number one is, I want to find out what they're talking about, so we had a business meeting, that I don't know how to vote you see,
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I don't want somebody telling me, well this is what they did see, because then it's hearsay, and it's not admissible in the court of law, and so I want to know the facts, about what's going on around me, and then
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I like to be around Christian people, and I promise you, that if the Lord doesn't come next year, they have another playoff, there'll be another next year, and there'll be another next year, until the
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Lord comes, and the amazing thing is, most of those playing in those playoffs, won't be there, they won't be in heaven, they'll be still hanging around Astrodome, they'll still be hanging around Angel Stadium, or they'll be hanging around Shea Stadium, or they'll be hanging around Fenway Park, still wondering what happened, what happened, and there'll be more people, watching those things, and it's amazing, and in most of those homes,
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I won't say most, but a great number of those homes, and certainly, statistics tell us, the majority of them, need all the help they can get, they need all the help they can get, and so many of them, ball players, all alike, you know, some go to voodoo doctors, to get their backs healed, and others go to this, that, and the other, and all those things, and I'm glad you're here, because then if you weren't, it'd just be me and the pastor, and he wouldn't give up the pulpit, that quick, it was just he and I, you see, and so I'm delighted, that you're here, and we're talking about Shalom Bayit, right, yes,
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I came walking down the aisle, and saw a couple of these ladies notes, and they got more notes than I got, and so I thought I'd borrow their notes, and bring it up here, and share with you what they wrote, and, but Shalom Bayit means what?
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Peaceful home, Hebrew for peaceful home, a home of peace, peaceful home, we're talking about a peaceful home, and we just talked briefly about it, just introduced it somewhat, last evening, about some prerequisites, for it, and then we talked about dissension, and dissension in that home, that which disrupts the home, and we talked about how a wise man, a wise person, will understand the obstacles, that will appear in that home, to stop it from being, or cause it not to be a peaceful home, and not only will he recognize the obstacles, that come into the way, but also he will recognize, or find the solutions, for those obstacles, something that will erase, or eradicate, those particular obstacles, and we talked about last evening, briefly about, no matter what sacrifices a man makes, for a goal, no matter how important that goal is, if he reaches that goal, to the sacrifice of peace in his home, he has lost essentially everything, it will have no real lasting value for him, and he has given up that, which is most important to him, and he brings contention, into that home, and we talked about how, the flame of controversy, it is amazing, even in Christian homes, once that controversy begins, in a home, it's extremely difficult, to extinguish it, or to get it to stop, you could even say,
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I forgive you, and I forgive you, and we just kind of go through, those little motions, but still that controversy goes on, and I thought we'd just start tonight, by looking at some basic causes, of dissension in the peaceful home, that which prevents it, from becoming a peaceful home, now men have the right idea, they just don't have the right methods, sometimes, in this sense, man naturally considers himself, to be the master of his home, now we know what the scripture, talks about that, and we're going to talk about, some more tomorrow evening specifics, and in Thursday, specifically about the man, and his role, and the wife, and the role, and the family, and the children responses, and what the scripture, and the
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New Testament, actually tells us about that, but even lost people, people who are not Christians, have the right idea, because God seemingly, has put in the life of every man, that desire, that need, that pull, that compulsion, to be the master of his home, by master
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I mean, one who cares for it, not a dictator, not some tyrannical leader, but he has that need, and he has that desire, and men want, the respectful attention, of all members of their household, they want the respectful attention, of every member of their house, to their needs, whether they express those needs or not, whether the man lets them know, what his needs are, or doesn't know, whether the wife and the children, know what he needs or doesn't need, it makes no difference to him, he wants them to respect it, whether they know what they are or not, somehow or other, automatically they ought to do so, because he is the master of the home, he is the lord of the house, and sometimes explanation is needed, now the wife we said, is the queen of the home, she is the queen in Jewish life, of beauty, she is the queen of love, and she is the queen of compassion, man has royalty, sitting on his head, in the
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Jewish home, in the Jewish home he is the king, and royalty is his primary factor, that is promoting or pushing, towards bringing their home, into a peaceful coexistence, so to speak, in what we call
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Shalom Bayi, and any person, who alters that order, does so at the dire consequences, of peace in that home, and one of the biggest problems, in our society, is because of economic difficulties, and economic pressures, not only does the husband have to work, but the wife has to work today, and not only does husband and wife work today, but the children many times, young people have to go out, and get a job, and would it be possible, even a dog would carry a paper out, at times, if they could do so, because of the economic pressures, that are upon the family, and so consequently, because of these varying pressures, many times, men relinquish their responsibility, of being the master of the home, and they turn it over to the wife, and she has to do almost everything, she takes care of all the finances, she pays all the bills, she handles all the banking, she handles all the postal, she handles everything, and the man goes to work out of the job, he comes back, she may go to her work, and come back, but she has all these additional responsibilities, because he is the master of the home, and he has other things on his mind, now man's need, to be the lord of his home, to be the head of his home, or to be the master of his household, can be a tremendous threat, to Shalom Bayit, or to the peaceful home, the very fact, that God has given him this need, to be the head of his home, can be a threat, in that home, especially if members of the household, by their behavior, do one, two, or three things, their lack of concern, towards his desires, or wishes, their lack of desires, towards these things, as him being the head of the family, not whether he is right, or wrong, for example, if members of the family, you and I know, just go so far, as to just openly, blatantly disobey, anything that the father says, anything that the husband says, no matter what he says, they're going to disobey it, they're going to go against him, no matter what he says, they will find a way, because young people, are very adept at this, aren't they, now young people understand, what
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I'm saying, they'll go, and they'll ask dad something, and dad says, no you can't do this, and so they'll go, to old tender hearted mother, and they'll say, mom, is it okay if I go, because I'm going to be, real careful about this, and she'll say, well
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I don't see anything wrong with that, go ahead, and then all of a sudden, he'll go out the door, and dad says, whoa, where are you going, well mom said, we could go, but I just told you, a few minutes ago, and so he goes in and says, why did you tell, she says,
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I didn't know, they didn't tell me, you told them, what they did, and so they know, how to play those little games, and the next thing you know, there it is, that inferno, it is raging, in their home, and so consequently, they just go so far, as to disobey, what he desires, or wishes, and many wives, do the same, or if they spite him, just deliberately, spite the husband, the father,
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I can name you, wives, and young people, that literally hate, the father, and the husband, now whether he is right, or wrong, whether he's spiritual, or non spiritual, whether he is godly, or not godly, no woman, no child, has the right, to spite, that husband, that father, it is wrong, wrong, wrong, no matter what he does, he may be a murderer, he may be a drug pusher, he may be anything, but it is wrong, to have spite, because spite, is resentment, and resentment, is hatred, and hatred is wrong,
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I may not like, what he's doing, I may totally disagree with it, and it may be totally alien, to the lifestyle, God wants me to live, but as far as his world, spite, and hatred, they have no part, in the life, of a believer, none whatsoever, sometimes
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I think, we get confused, as to resenting, an act, or that, which a lifestyle is, and the individual, we may hate, what a person does, but you have to love, that individual, you have to love them, no matter what they say, and no matter what they do,
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Jesus loved sinners, Jesus loved people, and you and I, have to learn, to discern the difference, the problem is, sometimes, we don't like people, when actually, what we're trying to say is, we don't like what they do, we don't like what they do, but it carries over, and then also, if the family members, if they just completely, ignore his wishes, as if he were non -existent, they listen to what he says, they pay attention, to what he says, for a while, and then, they just don't pay, any attention, as he wants them to, and so what does he do, here comes the father, and he begins, to impose his will, he begins to impose his will, and he says,
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I am the head of the home, I am the master of this house, and you will now do, what I say,
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I've asked you to do it, now you don't want to do it, now you are going, to do what I say, whether you like it, or not, and that horse, goes to the water, and that head, goes down in the water, and that horse, will either drink, or drown, one of the two, now what happens, that house, that home, is now in a state of war, a state of war exists, it goes like, you heard the story, of the teenage boy, that he's dead, but saying something to him, is very harsh, and the young boy stood up, and he said, you sit down, and don't you say a word, and so the young boy, sat down, and the mother came along, and she said, you know boy,
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I just really admired you, I don't understand, that's the first time, you've ever done that, you just were sitting there, and you were just as quiet, and you weren't saying anything, he said, yeah mom, but you don't understand, in my heart,
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I was standing up, and I was screaming, and that's sort of the way it is, that's sort of the way it is, outwardly we will conform, but what is happening, in a home such as that, whoever wins that war, both parties lose, whoever wins that war, both parties lose, if they win the war, if they, as opposed to him, if they win it, the home loses it's dignity, a home has lost it's dignity, any time the man, is not the respected leader, of that home, that home has already lost, it's dignity, it's lost it's dignity, in the community, it's lost it's dignity, in the church, you know what we say, we say, boy she runs that house, she runs and watches, you don't know, who's asking him to do anything, he can't do anything, unless she clears him, he can't do anything, unless she says so, and we call him, hen pecked, we have little phrases, we use, whatever that is,
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I'd never have to figure that out, I mean I've been around, chicken farms, I've been up in Arkansas, what have them, by the hundreds of thousands,
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I've never seen any guy, if there were pecks on his head, I've never seen those, they live with them, they hang out in there, you know, I don't know what, where that came from,
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I think I do, I've seen how, the roosters and hens act, and stuff like that, you know, but if that hen does, what that rooster says, he don't peck them, he only pecks them, when they get out of order, you know, and this is the way, it applies in, now what happens, if he succeeds, if that man succeeds, imposing his mastery, over that family, when they are not willing, to submit to that, what he has done, is he has gained his loyalty, he has gained his power, he's gained his position, but he's lost his kingdom, he's lost his kingdom, because that respect, is not there, now, if neither side triumphs, and the war continues, then you have a flaming inferno, instead of that home, being a little heaven on earth, it becomes a little hell on earth, and people don't like to go to it, and you know that's why, a lot of young people, love to come to church, sorry to say, may not be the right motive, all the time, but every time, the church doors open,
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I can name you young people, in our city, and in our church, I can name you young people, they just can't wait, sometimes elders go down there early, why, because they just want to, get out of that house, they want to get away, from all of that, it just beats their brains, and they just don't want, to be around it,
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I can name you wives, that work late, I can tell you husbands, that work late, when they don't have to work late, but they'd rather be down there, than come home and listen, to all of that, because they know, that war is raging, within that household, so what happens, man, under normal circumstances, according to scripture, and I'm not talking about, where a wife works, it's a whole thing, wife works, doesn't work, that's not what
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I'm talking about, but under the, initial situation, when the man works, outside the home, and the woman works, inside the home, under those normal conditions, the man goes out, for example, and he's out there all day, and he's active, he's talking, he's busy, it's sort of a tension, charged atmosphere, he's dealing with people, all day long, and he just can't wait, till he can get in his car, and he can get home, and he can just sit down, and boy, just sit there, and maybe give him a glass of tea, a cup of coffee, coke, and he just kicks his shoes off, and boy, he can just take a sigh of relief, and just lay back on that couch, and it is total silence, however, that wife has been working, all day, and at home, but she's been working alone, alone, and she can't just wait, until that husband gets home, and the kids haven't got home, to school yet, and he's going to get home, and he's going to roll in, and she just can't wait, to sit down, and talk with him, about the things, that have been going on, in her mind, in her life that day, and so what happens, here they come, and he rolls in the house, and she greets him, and here they are, and they're sitting there, and he doesn't want to talk, and she doesn't want to be quiet, and the next thing you know, you have an argument, without even understanding, why, without even realizing, later on, they'll say, how did that start,
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I mean, what are we really arguing, about here, well, I don't know, well, I mean, I don't disagree, with you on that, well,
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I don't disagree, with you on that, well, why are we arguing, why are we yelling, at one another, why are we screaming, at one another, yeah, you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, and you can go, medically or biologically as an
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Irish teeper. That's sort of like a nervous breakdown. That is a medical impossibility, too.
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That's the big umbrella, and there's no such thing. Your nerves don't break down. What a nervous breakdown is is an individual who's run out of resources, and they've run out of answers for their questions.
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That's all it is, and we just call it a nervous breakdown. What do they do? They build your nerves back up whenever you go down to the therapist.
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They don't build your nerves back up. They don't shoot your pills to build your nerves back up. They give you answers. If you go to the right one, they give you answers.
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If you got the money. I'd rather go to the pastor, let him counsel me, and save money, wouldn't you? Well, I ain't going to that preacher.
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I'm gonna tell you, I understand that, too. I understand how that goes. So what happens? Once the man gains control of his teeper, he begins to learn discipline.
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Let's look at a couple passages of Scripture. Turn with me again to, and you'll see that we've been in this book a lot because it is a book of wisdom.
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A book of wisdom. Proverbs, one of the greatest things that I know of. I knew a youth director one time.
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I said, what do you do with your young people? And he said, every year we take a patrol through Proverbs.
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We just go patrolling through Proverbs. And he takes his young people, once a year, they go through Proverbs. It'd do good every husband to patrol through Proverbs, and every wife to patrol through Proverbs.
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But let you and I just take a glance at Proverbs 15 .1. When you see it immediately, you know what it is. It's familiar to you.
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Every one of you have seen this. Leading from the King James Version of the Scripture, a soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.
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It is difficult, you know, it takes two people to argue. And listen, somebody's standing and screaming at you all day long, and if you just stand there and look at them after a while, they get tired.
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The thing that motivates them is when you say something back to them. But you know, somebody just screams and starts arguing, and they look and say, well, aren't you gonna say anything?
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Just say, that's interesting. That's interesting. That's all you gotta say is that's interesting.
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And they'll say, what's interesting? You'll say, that is interesting. And they'll say, well,
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I mean, we know you agree or disagree. You'll say, I don't have to agree, and I don't have to disagree. I just think it's interesting.
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And just go and do what you're doing. And they'll stand and try to figure out what you mean. And by then, the anger begins to subside.
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It's very difficult, but we like to get in there and give them some kind of theological dissertation about why they are wrong and all of that.
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Look at verse 10. Correction is grievous unto him that forsakes the way, and he that hatefully proves shall die.
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Oh, you can just go on and on through this book and all of these things. Look at verse 33. The fear of the
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Lord is the instruction of wisdom, and before honor is humility. Before God ever honors a person, they have to be humble.
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I suppose and suspect that's why most of us never have much honor from God, because most of us know very little about humility.
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And we use the word, and we act. You know, we act out what we think humility is.
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Humility is thinking, oh, well, you know, it's kind of walking around somehow or other. I don't know. And if somebody's a little aggressive, well, then they can't be humble.
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And yet Jesus was humble, and yet he took a whip and ran some guys out of the temple area.
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And yet he was humble. Paul was humble, wasn't he? Yeah, I think he was. And yet Paul talked about two young men in the church.
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He said, I turned those two young men over to Satan, so they'll learn not to blaspheme God. Yet he was humble, but yet he was aggressive and bold, and sometimes, you know, almost caustic in what he was doing.
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And so sometimes I think we get things out of order, but why do we get things out of order? Because we have preconceived notions, and we have presuppositions, because, you see, we have cloned one another.
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The reason you and I have problems sometimes is because we're always counseling each other. And the way we counsel each other is we want everybody to be just like us.
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Now, we don't say that, and we say, oh, no, I wouldn't want to be like me, but that's exactly what we try to do with each other.
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We try to make each other like we are. And yet God has enough problems with just one of us.
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Why in the world would he want two of us in any one church? Again, he wants us to be different, but that's exactly what we do.
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We're always sharing all this great wisdom we have, and then whenever it comes time to prove or put him by, it just isn't there.
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So what happens? If this man, every single time, almost without exception, if that man gets control of his temperament, and if he builds that discipline in his life of really being a godly master and head of that home, you know what happens to the members of that household?
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Out of their own will, out of their own desire, out of their own volition, they begin to try to please him.
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They want to please him because they see him trying. They see him putting forth effort to be disciplined. They see him trying to control his temper.
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They see him trying to press that anger down. They see him trying to deal with him honestly, lovingly, and kindly, and they begin out of their own will to respond to him out of love because love creates love.
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Jesus said, give, and it'll be given unto you. He didn't just talk about money. We get a lot of hell on earth because we give a lot of it, excuse me.
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You want mercy, give mercy. You want love, give love. You want understanding, give understanding. You want kindness, give kindness.
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Whatever we got, Jesus said, whatever you judge with, that's how you're gonna be judged. And it's a fact of life.
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It's a fact of life. Love people, they'll love you, and that's who you are. The problem is, we want to be loved, but we want to think about who we're gonna love.
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Most of our love is conditional. When Jesus loved, unconditional. And it does something whenever you tell your dad or you tell your husband,
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I love you unconditional. No matter what you say to me and no matter what you do to me, I love you anyway. Now, we were talking,
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I was over at the pastor's home, and we were talking about, he was counseling with someone, and I was talking with his family, we were sitting there, and they had a couple cats.
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They got by me mentioning this. Now, I'm not a cat lover, I care less, unless they're big ones. I like tigers,
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I like lions, I like cheetahs, I like those. But these little cats, Todd has an independent spirit, and I can't stand that, because I've had one all my life, and I don't like that.
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You know, an independent spirit, that's how long you feed a cat, that cat will hang around, you stop feeding, you go get him another master. They don't care about you, they tolerate you.
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A cat just tolerates you and puts up with you because you feed them. But a dog, now I have a dog,
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I love dogs, see. A dog, well, you can beat that old dog, you can kick him, lay him around, don't feed him, he'll hang around your door.
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Do you know what I mean? You gotta beat him off. You know, you take him, listen, we took a dog one time, I'll never forget that, it was a teenager, took a dog, somebody told me dogs can swim, so I thought, well, that'd be good.
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Took him up on a big bridge, I think it was about a block off the water, and threw him off the bridge. He was our dog.
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I went home about four miles. Went back home, boy, the next day, here come that old dog, dragging up to the house.
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He done come out of that river, laid down there and got his breath back and got some strength and walked four miles back to that house. I've never forgotten that.
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It's kinda like people are. It's kinda like people are in a lot of ways. You know, if we respond and we react in the manner in which
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God wants us to react, people react to that, we are reactive people. A person never, ever, and I'm gonna make a statement, don't use me as your,
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I'm not your guide, I'm not your example. The Bible just plainly teaches me and you that anger should never be expressed in your home in any way, fashion, or form.
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Anger should never be expressed in a home. Not if it's a peaceful home.
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There is never any need for it. There's never any. Does not the Bible say lay aside anger? Oh, I know it says be angry and sin not, but that's for an immature
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Christian. They don't talk about mature Christians. It says lay aside all anger and malice. Lay aside those things.
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Pride bringeth forth contention. And I get angry because I don't get my way.
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I get angry because somebody has tread on my right. I get angry because somebody has intruded into my little world.
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But a person that is giving of themselves and doesn't care about what they, it's just willing for everyone else to be honored, everyone else to be blessed, and everyone else to be loved.
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And if love comes that way, wonderful. If grace comes that way, wonderful. But let me just expend my life as a servant and as a servant of the
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Lord and a servant of the home. My dear people, it's hard for you to get angry under those kind of conditions. I'm not saying that's what
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I do. I'm just saying that's what the Bible says. That's the ideal man who doesn't get angry in his home.
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You say, man, I don't know any. I don't know any ideal men or women. I don't know any ideal young people if that's the ideal.
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Why would God tell us to lay aside all anger if there is not the possibility of doing so? I had a lady one time tell me, she said, well, she says,
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I don't sin. And I said, I beg your pardon? And she says, I don't sin.
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And I said, you don't sin? I mean, S -I -N, you never commit a sin? She said, no, and I thought I'd give her the good one.
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I said, you never get angry at your husband? She says, I never did. I said, you don't? I mean, he doesn't do anything to displease you?
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She said, yeah. I said, you don't ever get upset? She says, I get a little nervous at times, but I don't get angry. I don't get angry. So I found out who her husband was.
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And I went and told him, I said, does your wife ever get angry with you? I understand she doesn't get angry. He didn't know who told me that.
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I thought I was gonna pick him up off the floor. That guy broke up. He said, who in the world told you anything like that?
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He said, man, let me tell you some things to tell her. He just made me four things to go tell her. Said, any one, I'm gonna get her.
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So I picked out number two. And I made the tragic mistake of listening to that guy.
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To this man, that woman, and when I walk into a church, she will walk out. I mean, I've been to that church two or three times.
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When I walk in, she walks out. She don't come. And all I did, I just asked what he said, you know?
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And I thought the guy was putting me on straight. And now she come unglued. I found out if she got angry or not.
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She was angry with me, God, pastor, church, everybody else. Saying it isn't so doesn't make it so.
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Now, I want us to remember one thing. That more things are gonna happen in your home to cause you to be angry and to cause problems and to cause dissension, to cause difficulties than will happen any place else on the planet
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Earth. More things will happen in your home. Not on the job, not in school, not anywhere. Satan has a way of creating atmospheres and attitudes in a home and probing and prying personalities and all sorts of things will go on in our homes to keep us from having a peaceful home.
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And that's why it takes a very serious time of self -examination, especially on the part of the man.
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Everything that God created, he created perfect. Man was created perfect. Woman was created perfect.
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The garden was created perfect. The animals were created perfect. All of God's creation was perfect.
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All of God's creation was good. And God gave everything that he created a specific purpose.
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Everything was perfect. Everything had a purpose in the plan and the mind of God. God also created differences.
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You and I know that. There's fire and there's water. There's land and there's sea.
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There's earth, there is sky. And there are all sorts of differences in God's creation.
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In that, of course, there are those things that are bad for us. And you and I are talking about dissension.
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Strife and dissension. Strife and dissension can never be good. There are those, the reason
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I mention that, in theological circles, there are those, even in Christian movements, there are those who believe that strife can be good.
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Strife is never good. Dissension is never good. It never happens where it is right.
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And even when the person that is responsible for them, even if he believes he's right, it's still wrong.
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The reason I say that is because there are movements all over this country, you can sit on television, you can listen to them, you can read it in books, you can go to conferences, you can go to meetings, that if they don't say it, it isn't so.
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And if they say it is so, and everybody was wrong until they got here. And now that they got here, everybody else needs to get in line and straighten out.
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If you don't get in line and believe that, then you cannot be right with God. Oh, you can love God, you can be saved, but you can never be completely right with God if you aren't in that school of thought.
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And that violates everything I understand about the New Testament. And yet there are movements exactly like that.
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And those people love the Lord. I'm not saying they don't love the Lord. I'm not saying they aren't saved. I don't know whether they're saved or not, and you don't either.
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You assume they are. You don't even know I'm saved. You assume I am. I don't know you are. We assume we are.
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We say we are. Fruit can be imitated. Judas fooled them for a while.
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He fooled them for a long time. Fooled them for a long time, and it can happen.
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So, what are we saying? I'm saying that strife and dissension is always wrong. And any person that causes strife or dissension in the body of Christ, that individual is wrong.
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Now, strife and dissension may occur. And we're not talking about where a person believes the Bible or doesn't believe the
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Bible. We're talking about little personalities getting in big causes because of a giant ego and trying to promote something and declaring everything else is wrong.
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On the other hand, there is a law of God that man is to be master of his home.
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There are those who refute that today. There are psychologists and psychiatrists and even preachers of the gospel or preachers in churches who claim to preach the gospel.
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Many in the Christian movement who say, no, the man is not to be head of his home. That was a cultural thing.
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Paul wrote that, and Paul was, you know, he was a male chauvinist, and he was all of these things, but yet it is a law of God.
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And to establish that role in the home is the advancement of life. It is the advancement of that home to get that man in his proper place in the home.
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And the one who desires to do so has to examine himself for this reason.
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There are two things that come to play in a man, specifically when he begins to deal with peace in his home and assuming his role.
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One of them, he has to make sure that he doesn't have selfish pleasure in his heart. A man that is trying to assume the role of a head of a home from a selfish point of view is going to destruct that home.
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He's gonna cause all sorts of problems in that home. The other one is, if a man tries to do it from a dictatorial point of view or with a tendency to be a dictator.
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I am the head of the home, I'm the dad of the home, I'm the father of the home, and this is just the way it is. This is the law of the land.
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Doesn't take counsel from his wife, doesn't take any kind of consideration from his young people, and it's just, this is it.
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He doesn't take counsel from anybody simply because he believes he has a right. May I share something with you tonight, men?
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You have no authority in your home whatsoever. None, zero, zilch.
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A man has no authority in his home whatsoever. The only authority a man has in his home is delegated authority given him by God.
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He has none of himself, he has none of his own. It is God delegating his authority, and God says, sir, run your home for me.
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Rule your home on my behalf. As I am the president of the company, would tell the manager or the supervisor, you do this and so, as the chairman of the board would say, you do this.
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God says to the man, I'm the chairman of the board, so to speak, now you run that little corporation, you run that little kingdom just like I tell you to do.
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The problem is, man wants the rule, but he doesn't want the responsibility. He doesn't want to meet his responsibility, and it doesn't automatically happen.
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That's why a man must study himself very, very carefully for possible error, and if you don't hear anything else
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I say this week, would you please make a note of this? I have stars on each side of this statement.
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That means to me it is important. No one, no individual on earth, myself the least, no individual on earth is so righteous that his motives and his character are beyond reproach.
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No one on this earth is so righteous that his motives and his character are beyond reproach so that any person who differs from him is always at fault.
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No one is that right that any time somebody disagrees with them, they are wrong or they are at fault.
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Now, dear people, you can find that on the television, you can find that in the pulpit, you can find that in Sunday school classes, you can find it in the homes of the land, the homes of the land.
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You disagree with certain things in certain areas and certain places, and even in Baptist life, you disagree with certain things, and my dear people, you are automatically wrong before you ever speak.
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And yet, if I understand anything about the Bible, I've only found one individual that has ever walked the plains of this earth that that could be said about, and that would be the
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Lord Jesus himself. He was the only one that was perfect within his being. And yet, many
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Christians, we act as if we are, because if someone just questions us about something while we take offense and we become personally affronted by, well, how dare them even question when there's no question, well, how could
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I be wrong about this? Well, it's the way of the world for a person to consider their activities, is it not?
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It's the way of the world for everybody who thinks their activities are more important than other people's. I mean, you know, my activities are more important than yours.
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You think your activities are more important than mine, and it doesn't make a difference who you compare me to. There's a fine, there's an important, but not as important.
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And I'll tell you something else, it's the way of the world that everyone else's problems and the things they do, the tasks they do, and the jobs they perform are not as difficult as mine.
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I don't care what they do. It doesn't make any difference. They may be a deep sea diver trying to find some cockle shell down 1 ,400 feet of water.
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His job's not as hard as mine. It doesn't make any difference what it is. Going to the moon or anything else, our job is always harder, and our things are always more important than someone else's.
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And that's why we have to be extremely careful in dealing with people. No difference that would ever arise between a husband and a wife, no difference, as I understand what
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God is saying to us, on any question in the home is ever a justification for an argument.
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No difference that ever comes between a husband and wife is ever a justification for an argument between a husband and wife.
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Now, what you're thinking is this, huh? Some are saying, oh, my, you're gonna tell me that, I mean, you're gonna tell me that you never argue.
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I'm saying that the word of God teaches us that you don't have to. We don't have to.
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God wants us to have peace in the home, and there can be peace in the home if we'll work on it.
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Now, you may argue every five minutes when you start out, but you might start arguing about every 15 minutes, and before long, if you keep working at it, you may only argue once a day and then once a week, and before long, you can stop arguing with somebody if we have the right motive and the right attitude with each other.
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We just can do it. You don't argue with your boss. You don't argue with your school teacher.
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They'll flunk you. Your boss will fire you. Well, why would you wanna argue with the one that's given her life for you, the one who puts up with you?
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Now, I understand she could've done much better. I understand that. I mean, if she hadn't married me, who do you think she'd be?
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No matter how good -looking you are, no matter how intelligent you may think, she always could've done better. She could've married somebody with money.
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Oh, yeah. You don't have to look far. What am I saying? I'm saying that neither side in any argument or in any situation can be completely right.
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No one is 100 % right in anything that they are saying and doing. Now, we can say the scripture says this.
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The scripture can be right, but if both of us will adhere to what the scripture says, we're not gonna argue.
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We just aren't. I'll commit to it and you'll commit to it, then there's no argument. The argument comes when one wants to do it and the other one doesn't wanna do it, or one sees it and the other one doesn't wanna look at it.
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That's where the arguments come because when two people are walking with God, my dear people, listen, Peter had all kinds of problems in his life.
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John was a sweet, loving guy. It was John who wrote the great and comparable book of the Revelation.
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It was John who wrote John 3 .16. It was John who said, you know, in the beginning was the
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Word, the Word was with God and the Word was God. It was John who wrote the beautiful, in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd
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John, those beautiful letters of fellowship to Christians. Peter, strong, boisterous, obnoxious, impulsive, put the sword out and whacked some guys ill.
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They come to get the Lord. Oh, Peter's always doing something. Jesus said, I gotta go to Jerusalem. Peter stands out there and wrote, said, you're not going,
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Lord. Jesus said, get thee behind me, Satan. And there's all of them. But when you go to Acts 3, you find an amazing thing.
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Peter and John going together to the temple at the hour of prayer.
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No arguments, walking together in the Lord. And it can be done.
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Paul, scathing Pharisee, out killing Christians. The early
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Christians were fearful when they brought Paul up there blind. Anytime Paul went in town, they were all fearful.
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But then all of a sudden they saw the love in his heart. They saw the graciousness in his spirit. And dear people, we have the same
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Holy Spirit operating in our lives as they did. We may not be of the caliber of men and women that they were in those days, but we have the same access to the same
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God and the same scripture. And we certainly can be better Christians than we are. We just can be.
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And so what I'm saying to you is that there is a general principle that I believe that ensures family happiness.
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A general principle, and it's simply this. Happiness does not depend upon similarities in temperament and character.
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Trying to make that wife just like you want her, trying to make that husband like you want him to be.
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It does not matter that they are different in temperament. It does not matter that they are different in character.
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The general principle to me, as I understand it, that ensures family happiness is the harmonization, the harmonization, the harmonizing of the individual differences.
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To make them work together and keep the individual distinctiveness. To keep their uniqueness. God doesn't want her like anybody else and God doesn't want you like anybody else and you can walk together, side by side, just like Peter and John, as different as night and day, but still walk in harmony.
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And that's the beautiful thing about a marriage. I had a lady tell me one time, she said, in the presence of her husband, she said, we've been married 40 years and have never argued.
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I said, that's tragic. Because one of your personalities has been crushed.
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One of you didn't express your personality and one of you just did silence. Now it'd be wonderful if they said, we found the secret to this.
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Because my dear people, when you put two people together, first of all, there's going to be some, and now there are no such thing,
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I've never met two mature Christians who walked together and just got married and said, boy, we got it from that day on, it was just blossoms and cream.
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Now, I've never heard that, but I have seen Christian couples who have grown in the Lord and have gotten victory of these things in their lives and now they don't argue.
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Now they walk in peace. But for someone to tell me that they never have,
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I'm skeptical, I'm skeptical. And maybe you're one of those, but I'd still be skeptical no matter.
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Anger, once you let it loose, it makes it impossible to distinguish the proper from the improper reaction.
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Once anger turns loose, it is extremely difficult for your mind to pick up what is the proper or the improper reaction.
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It's extremely difficult to do. And anger let loose is like a spoken word. Once you've spoken it, you can say, forgive me,
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I didn't mean that, but it's already gone. It's like a fire bullet. It's like an arrow that has been fired. You can't ever take it back.
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I take that back, I didn't mean that. Now you may not have meant it, but you can't take it back.
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It is lodged within the heart. It is lodged within the heart. And one of the great tragedies of the church is there are
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Christian men and women and young people who sit in church with deep roots of bitterness in their heart because someone 20 years ago said something and they've never ever gotten it out of their life.
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Someone a few days ago said something and it offended them and they've never gotten it out of their heart and it just sits like a cancer and it just festers and festers and festers and eats at that particular life.
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Why? Because we are reactive people. We have reactive impulses, reactive impulses.
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When you see something happening in your home, for example, when you see something happening in your home and it's going to require some action from you because you don't want to put your approval on it.
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You don't want to condone it. You don't want to say that, you know. And it may be that you don't want it to happen again.
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What would you do if you see it? Most normally, we respond. We react to that situation.
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Jewish law says you must never say anything even though you don't want it to occur again or you don't want to approve of it, but you must never speak until you are certain, certain that your reaction is going to cause a positive effect as opposed to a negative.
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If it will cause something positive to happen, you can say, but if it isn't, then you cannot speak.
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You cannot speak. The wisest course of action that I know is to be silent at the moment of anger or the moment of anguish.
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If somebody hurts you, says something that just cuts deep to the quick of your heart, don't speak.
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Don't say anything at that moment. If you become angry, don't speak at that moment.
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Let silence be the course. And say to yourself, I've only got one test to pass.
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You see, we're always thinking so futuristic. I'm going to be right with God from this moment 50 years.
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No, just take it a step at a time. Take it a step at a time. I've got one test to pass, that's this one.
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If I can just get by this one, I'm going to be successful. And consider that test of your character and of your heart as the only one you've got to pass because that's the only one you have to deal with at the time.
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Don't worry about what you're going to do tomorrow. Don't worry about what you're going to do next week. Don't worry about what you did yesterday. Just forget the past and don't worry about the future.
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Just concentrate on that particular one. And there are any number of helps. You've read the illustration. I've heard the illustration.
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I was reading it again about a man and he designated a coat. He had a jacket. But he didn't wear it anywhere else.
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He just had a sport coat. And he called that his anger coat. And anytime he caught himself beginning to become a little hostile, getting those feelings of anger towards his wife or towards his children, he would stop, close the conversation, and say,
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I don't want to speak anymore. Or if he just said, you know, was feeling it come up, he'd say, excuse me. And he had that thing all the way back to the farthest end of the house, in a closet, way over the corner.
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And he would go back and take his time and casually go in his closet, get that coat out, put that coat on, stand in front of the mirror and look at that.
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And then he would slowly walk back in. And by the time he got there, of course, his anger had subsided. He'd gotten control of that reactive impulse that all people have.
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And he got control of it. Now, there are many helps that can occur. But this is something he did. And his wife gave testimony that that man gained control over a temper that was almost always uncontrollable.
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And whatever works can be done. Would you look with me, please, at Proverbs chapter 22? We'll have to hurry because we want to get the examination handed out.
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Proverbs 22, 24. Make no friendship with an angry man.
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Now, that's interesting. Brother, that means you and I, most of us almost become hermits. We'd almost have to go off into a cave somewhere, wouldn't we?
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But that's what God says. Make no friendship with an angry man and with a furious man thou shall not go. Don't go with them when they're furious.
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Don't go with them when they're angry. Look at Proverbs 15 again.
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Verse 18. Well, let me back up a little. Would you look at verse 17?
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Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therein.
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It's better to go out and have some broccoli and some asparagus where love is than to go down here and get a big prime rib with somebody that has anger and hostility wrapped up in their life.
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Look at verse 18. A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger appeases strife.
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If we had more men who would just work on temper, Christianity would take giant strides.
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It would take giant strides. The church would take giant, and certainly homes would take giant strides. You know, in Jewish homes, we have what we call lights.
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You know, you see lights. You see the Hanukkah lights. You've seen the menorah, the candle holder. There are seven, and some
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Hanukkah's different. We have those, and in every synagogue that you go to, there's the eternal light. There's always a light on.
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Always a light on. Stays on all the time. Never goes out. And in Jewish homes, they have these lights, and they're called lights of peace.
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Lights of peace. That's what we're talking about, peaceful home. And some of you, the very first night
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I was here, I said, good evening, and someone said, shalom. And you and I, we've been together enough that we know shalom is a universal word.
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It is that word that means peace. It's a word your Lord used when he was raised from the dead.
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He appeared to his disciples, and he said, peace it is I. That's shalom, it is I. And there are other scriptures where the word appears, of course.