Husband’s/Father’s Responsibility of Family Instruction

Silicon Valley Reformed Baptist Church

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Alright, well, today we're going to be continuing our series on the church and what

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I want to talk about today is the principle of family instruction and the husband slash father's responsibility in that.

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Why don't we start by reading Joshua 24 15 and then we'll pray.

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Joshua 24 15, and if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether gods your father served in the regions beyond the river or the gods of the

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Amorites in whose land you dwell, but as for me in my house, we will serve the Lord.

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Let's pray. Lord, we do thank you for the chance we have to come and to think about your scriptures and to think about the order of your church and the order of the home.

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Pray that you bless our time here today and help us to learn great things from your word. In your son's name I pray, amen. Now, when you talk about the topic of husband slash father's responsibilities to instruct his family,

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I think there's a sense in which a lot of the things that we're going to say today are not new,

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I mean they're probably old hat for most people, but at the same time I do want to think about these things not just as it relates to that responsibility in isolation, so as you read the

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Bible you're going to find that there clearly is an imperative put upon a husband to not only teach his children, but also to teach his wife, and I'm sure that most of us are well aware of these things.

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At the same time, when you think about the nature of the church that God has appointed to be a pillar and buttress of the truth, there are interactions between these different responsibilities that I don't know that we've thought through like we should at times, and there's a lot that you might encounter as you read through the

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Bible that really could be pretty eye -opening in terms of the way that you think about these things.

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So what I'm meaning is in general when you think about the way that the church has structured over the last, you know, 50 years or so, it seems like the church has structured itself in such a way that basically ignores a lot of the authority structures that are present in the home, and does so in a way that I think sometimes is fairly thoughtless, and so I want to think about some of these things as it relates to the connection between these two different principles, so the church is a pillar and the buttress of the truth that's responsible to teach the congregation the whole counsel of God, but then there's an order to that within the church, and there's an order to that within the home, and I want to talk about the intersection between those things as it relates to a husband slash father's responsibility for family instruction.

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So those are going to be some of the things that we talk about today, and you know what, I think that Joshua 24, 15 is one of these remarkable verses that we would do well to pay attention to as it relates to this topic in general, and the responsibility of husbands, you know, in general as well.

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I mean, this is one of those verses that I think we have a great temptation to read in a way that's fairly different from how it's presented in the passage itself, so when you think about the way that Joshua communicates, he communicates, as for me and my house we will serve the

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Lord, that's the language of responsibility, that's the language of authority that he is communicating, but there's no sense in which he's communicating that as an option for his family, and I think when the

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Presbyterians talk about these things, they talk about these things in a way that's a bit different than the way Baptists talk about it, but I would invite us

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Baptists to think about this kind of principle in a way that's a bit more strong than we're used to, and what you'll find there is that there really aren't qualifications given at that point where Joshua is not just simply saying, hey, my house, we will serve the

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Lord, assuming my children are believers, assuming my wife is a believer, in fact, he's making a pretty strong statement there to say that my house that I'm in charge of, that I'm responsible for, we're going to serve the

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Lord, period, because I'm the leader of my home. Now, you know, a wife and children may reject that authority and not want to place themselves under that authority, but the structures within the home, the practices within the home, there's a lot in that that he's not presenting in the language of option, you know, so if you imagine

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Joshua, it's inconceivable to think that for Joshua, let's say that his wife wasn't a believer or at some point rejected the faith, it's inconceivable to think that Joshua speaking the language of authority and responsibility would simply allow her to bring foreign gods into his house without check in order to worship those foreign gods.

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He may not be able to get her to worship the true God with a full heart, right, but, you know, as for me, my house will serve the

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Lord, there won't be any false gods in there at the very least, and so this is a fairly strong statement of responsibility, and obviously, you know, a husband, a father, they do not have the ability to regenerate a heart through their actions, but they certainly do have great capacity to set the tone of their family in general.

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So those are going to be some of the things that we think about today and we talk about today as it relates to those responsibilities in isolation, you know, a husband's responsibility over for the instruction of his wife and for the instruction of his children, but then we're also going to talk about how those relate to the broader question about how the church should be structured and what are some ways that churches can encourage this, what are some ways that churches can discourage this and perhaps take on more responsibility for these things than they should at times.

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So, the first thing we want to look at today is this first point at the top of your outline, and that is the point that the husband bears the primary responsibility for his wife's instruction, and I mean,

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I don't know, quite frankly, I don't know how to word this in such a way that it is not going to run me afoul of our inner egalitarians at times who want to scream at some of these things.

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It's interesting when you think about this topic because there's been no small number of internet controversies that have erupted within the

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Reformed world over this very point, which I know that in some sense we all should agree upon, right?

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We should all agree upon that it's the husband's responsibility to, a husband bears the primary responsibility for his wife's instruction.

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I think we all agree on this at times, but then there are many times in which we refuse to allow this to be applied almost in any way, and so that is troubling to say the least, but the point here we're saying is husband bears primary responsibility for his wife's instruction, and this point is going to be taught in a variety of places, particularly in the

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New Testament, but he fulfills that responsibility by one, by first, by personally washing his wife with the water of the

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Word. So in Ephesians 5, 25, husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

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So husbands are to love their wives like Christ did to the church, and when you think about the way that Christ loved the church, the purpose of Christ coming and giving himself up for the church, that purpose is that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the

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Word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

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So the husbands are to play the role of Christ in this analogy, and this means that husbands have a responsibility for the sanctification of their wife, for the washing of the water of the

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Word for their wife. A husband bears primary spiritual responsibility for her well -being, and that's going to involve some kind of instruction, to say the least.

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Now, I mean, obviously that can take many different forms, and I think that should obviously take the form of personal family devotions that are happening with the family in general.

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So in an ideal world, a married couple will have children, and we're going to talk about that later as it goes on, but there is this personal responsibility that a husband has to wash his wife with the water of the

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Word, and a lot of that is due to the nature of his disposition, his orientation, his ontological makeup, the way

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God made him. God made him in such a way to be a spiritual leader in his home, and that's not just a spiritual leader in name only, like that's an actual leader of his home.

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He bears responsibility for his wife in terms of teaching her, right? So I'm not saying that to the neglect of her own personal

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Bible study, I'm not saying that to the neglect of her own personal prayer, but a faithful husband can certainly and should certainly not be allowing a situation where he and his wife are never reading the

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Bible, right? So if a wife basically is in a situation where she rarely reads the

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Bible, rarely prays, that falls square on the lap of the husband who is responsible for her spiritual well -being, and at the very least he could ensure that that's being done at least once a day, right?

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Through personal family devotions, and so certainly when you think about the husband bearing this primary responsibility for his wife's instruction, he should be teaching his wife the

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Word. That doesn't mean he needs to be qualified to be a formal official teacher to the same degree as a pastor might, but certainly he can teach her what he knows, and he should be knowing something and growing and learning in something because he has a responsibility to pass that on to his family, and we're going to talk about that later, like the nature of that responsibility, but there's a lot more responsibility there than we realize.

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Now as I said, I mean there's been a variety of internet controversies over this point over the past few years which have been somewhat interesting to watch.

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A lot of these internet controversies have revolved around individuals basically saying that they do not permit their wives to read certain books because they feel like certain books are unhelpful for them, and then the reformed internet collectively loses their mind because a wife is supposed to be viewed as competent and capable and of herself and doesn't really need a husband in that way, and any kind of husband stepping in and saying, hey,

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I don't think you should be reading that. I don't really agree with where that's going is seen as a violation of her own personal autonomy and overstepping on his part, but I mean certainly part of a husband's role is to know what information she's putting into her mind and to be shepherding her and guiding her as it relates to how she's growing and learning, and if there are bad influences out there, he should identify those and protect the home from those kind of bad influences, and certainly that's all within his prerogative to do, and if he's just completely unaware of everything that's happening, he's probably not being a very good husband at that point, and so I think a lot of these things are blown way out of proportion, but obviously a husband, yeah, he has a responsibility to wash his wife with the water of the word, and if she's to be subject to him and submissive to him, she should be looking to him to play this role, right?

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So I think in many homes, a husband really hasn't been a very, in many, many homes, you know, if you just consider the broader evangelical churches, the husbands are not taking this role very seriously at all.

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You know, they may have wives who rarely, if ever, read the Bible and pray. They're not stepping in and ensuring that that's happening with any regularity.

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They wouldn't be competent, qualified to answer any of the questions that their wives might have, and so in a lot of different churches, you have a lot of women who don't naturally think to look to their husband for anything related to leadership.

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In a lot of, I would say most churches, most of the women don't naturally think to come to their husbands, and if they have questions and ask their husbands questions about what the

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Bible says, in fact, I mean, I think in most churches, you have structures that are set up where women go around their husbands to, you know, either like their functional women pastor or, you know, their pastors at times in ways that are short, are bypassing this responsibility a husband has to wash his wife with the water of the word to be the spiritual leader of the home.

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So in a primary sense, a husband is taking on that role of being the spiritual leader, and that's not just a token figurehead kind of leadership, it's like an actual leadership where he's responsible for the instruction of his family, particularly the instruction of his wife.

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So a husband bears primary responsibility for his wife's instruction. He fulfills that responsibility by personally washing his wife with the water of the word.

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Any questions related to that? Thoughts? Yes. Yeah, there's obviously errors on both sides, right?

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So there's errors on the one side where a person is expecting, where they do all the formal things to the neglect of the organic things, so then those formal things just kind of become checkboxes that are disconnected from everything else that's happening.

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But then probably on the other side, there's the error that you're mentioning where everything is so organic.

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It's supposedly organic, but it actually isn't. It's probably virtually nonexistent, we're just calling it organic on the other side, but then there should be a good mixture of both.

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Now I would say that, yeah, at times we can, there's a lot more, like if you do think very intentionally and thoughtfully about a lot of the organic things that should be there, assuming that they actually are there, that's a lot more than what we recognize at times too, but then

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I think often what's happening is the organic is, it should be mostly organic, therefore it's not formal, right?

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But then the organic is often questionable too. Is your name Jesus? Yes. Okay.

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Yes. Go. Sure. Sure. Yeah, yeah.

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I certainly think that they're, like the helpmate role, when you think about the help, so you mentioned two things.

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The first thing that you mentioned is the idea that a husband is not like a law within himself.

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Like there's other authority structures that are, he's put under. We're going to talk a little bit about some of those other things in a minute, like in terms of, so point number one, he fulfills his responsibility by personally washing his wife with the water of word.

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Second by placing his wife under the teaching of qualified elders who teach sound doctrine. He's going to be putting himself under, like a faithful husband should be putting himself under qualified elders who faithfully teach sound doctrine as well.

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So there's other influences that should be in his life. He's not simply a law to himself, right?

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The home is not just an island where, with no influences from the outside that are being filtered into it, but certainly it is his ultimate job to figure out what those influences are going to be.

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And that's part of what we're going to talk about in a minute. I guess his job to figure out what those influences are, like so God's going to hold him accountable for the influences he allows within the home, for the influences he allows, like his family to be placed under.

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I mean, certainly like there's a thousand churches in this area, you know, probably, right?

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So as a husband, you have to figure out which one are we going to go and place ourself under. So you have a job to figure out what those influences are and the buck obviously stops with you.

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God's going to hold you accountable for the ones you pick. So there's that. But then also, yeah,

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I think, so that's part of it. But the other part of it is you're saying your wife is a helper, like your wife is a suitable helper.

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So then are you saying she should be helping you figure out how to wash her with the water of the word or that she should be speaking into that at times and telling you,

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I think your washing is dirty, is that? Do what?

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Do what? About picking a church?

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Yeah, sure. Sure. Yeah, sure, yeah.

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So certainly, yeah, the wife is a source of counsel that you should consider as it relates to those things.

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I'm talking about just whose primary responsibility it is to make those decisions.

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So for example, with point number two, so point number one, a husband bears primary responsibility for his wife's instructions.

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He fulfills this responsibility by personally washing his wife with the water of the word. And then second, by placing his wife under the teaching of qualified elders who will teach sound doctrine.

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If we can just sit on that for a second, I'll talk about that, and maybe that will interact, and I'll try to interact with what you're saying related to that second point.

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So I think related to that second point, there is a responsibility a husband has to figure out what spiritual leaders he's going to place his family under.

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And that is a responsibility that God holds him accountable to. Now there's different postures he could take in doing that.

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He can make a decision like that with no input from his wife whatsoever.

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However, that would be generally unwise to make it with no input whatsoever.

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I'm not saying it would be wrong, it would just be generally unwise to do that. That would be on the one end of things.

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On the other end of things, he could basically be asking her what he's allowed to do, which would be, and that would be basically just taking whatever concerns and priorities she has and making them the most important concerns and priorities and just doing that.

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I would say if he's doing that, he's abdicating his role of leadership in that way. And I've seen a lot of,

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I think right now what's happening, what I see happening in case after case is that men have different priorities in picking a church often than women.

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And so a lot of those different priorities are related to the nature of their responsibilities.

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So in case after case after case in working with young men, what I find is that most young women, the priorities they have in picking a church are related to how will the children be cared for.

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And then in case after case after case with the young men, young men who are doctrinally minded, their concerns are more doctrinal and structural related to the church.

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The wives' concerns are more related to their own roles. And what I see happening with young people over and over again is the wives' concerns are winning out.

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So the concerns of does it have a vibrant children's ministry? Does it have activities for the kids?

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Those are the things she cares about. And so those are the things she's inserting into the decision -making process.

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And over and over again, what I see on the other side is, I know many, many young men who are very doctrinally minded who look at a church and I say, hey, you consider coming to our church?

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He's like, oh, I'd love to, but my wife won't, kind of thing because she has different sets of priorities.

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And it's like, well, tell me what your priorities are and their priorities are, like the sound doctrine, the shepherding that's happening there, their priorities are very different.

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So it's not entirely clear to me that those, like all concerns are not neutral for sure.

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All concerns are not neutral. There are priorities that the Bible encourages people to look for, and ultimately it is going to be like a husband's job to figure out what those are because God's going to hold him accountable for what it is.

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And so I think on the one end, just saying, hey, here's what we're going to do.

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I don't want any input from you, and I'm not going to listen to any input from you, and anything you have to say is entirely irrelevant, that's not necessarily the,

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I mean, that would be a pretty kind of bad posture to take. On the other hand, let me take your concerns, whatever those happen to be, and just make them the ultimate concerns is not necessarily a smart plan either.

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I would say in our home, I mean, I don't, I guess we're in a weird situation because most of the churches,

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I don't know that I've ever really asked Elizabeth, like what kind of churches do you think that we should go to?

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You know, and maybe that's me confessing that I'm a megalomaniac tyrant or something like that.

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I don't, I haven't really ever done that, but I mean, we've talked about all the, like here's where I'm thinking about going.

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We've had all those conversations, but I guess I've spent, like on my end, I've spent so many years studying what is the church and what should we be looking for, and I have a clear picture in my mind of what we're trying to do.

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So I don't think there's any necessary kind of pride that comes from that, just to have a clear vision of what a church should be and a clear place that you're trying to take your family.

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But that, connected with something else you've said, that's based on many, many, many hours of communication with other pastors and other godly men and other leaders and everything else to where there's a clear, in my mind, there's a clear, the most,

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I mean, I'm not saying it's perfect. I'm just saying there's a clear, in my mind, like there's passages that I'm looking at and saying,

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I want to do this, I want to do that. My family has to do this, this, this, this, this. That's what God holds us accountable to, and I'm looking for a place that fits those things and there's a clear kind of thing in my mind.

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And you know, if Elizabeth would ever come along and say, hey, have you thought about this one, then, and that's happened before, then it's like, yeah,

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I've thought about that and here's what, here's how I'm trying to balance it. If you can see any problems with it, let me know.

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But it's not like, I'm not approaching, in those kind of decisions, I've never really approached her like, hey, let me, like, and I'm in a posture that I'm uncertain about the path forward, and so can you help me gain certainty?

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There's clarity in my mind about what a church should be that we're looking for. And so, I mean, I would encourage guys to have a level of clarity about decisions like that to where they understand themselves to be a leader and they understand what the

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Bible has to say about it and they're pursuing that, but then that's not like an unrigid posture that's not willing to have input, but it's more of a, you can have like,

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I don't know what I'm doing, help me out, I don't want to be prideful to say I know what I'm doing kind of posture, or you can have a, there's a clear set of biblical priorities, and feel free to speak into those at any time, you know, kind of thing.

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If you see anything, I like to see if you see anything that I don't see that I may be missing, but there's still clarity there, you know, so it's, yeah, it's hard to articulate what that should be, like, in a short way, but that's a longer way there.

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But there was another question back, can you remind me, I don't know if I know your name. Daniel, okay, yes, sir.

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Yeah, that's a poor marriage. That would, you know, we've,

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I've had counselors talking about that. Those are issues that have been brought up in biblical counseling classes that I've been on, but I genuinely avoid,

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I generally encourage, like, that may, you know, there's a serious discussion about, like, does that fit into an unequally yoked kind of category, like, is the husband really, like, able to take on the responsibilities that he has in the home if his knowledge of the

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Bible is woefully inadequate and his wife is, her knowledge is, like, vastly superior to that?

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Is that, is that a wise marriage to enter into? Probably not, you know, so I would say that that would not be a wise marriage to enter into, you know, and I'm not trying to say that it needs to be completely the opposite way where the husband needs to have a very thorough understanding of the

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Bible and the wife is virtually, like, nothing, right? So that has its own set of problems sent the other way, right?

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But then I would think if you're going to have a suitable helper, you would want to at least be a little closer to even with that.

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So now, I mean, what do you do in that kind of situation? Well, I think the temptation in that situation would be for the husband to be constantly asking the wife, what does the

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Bible say about this, and what do you think we should do, and leaning on her way more than what he should be in that kind of role.

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So you're just creating a very, it's a very unwise way to approach marriage in general.

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Now, I mean, if you happen to be in that situation, you got to do what you got to do with it, right?

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You got to do what you got to do. But, I mean, you're going to have to, like, a guy in that kind of situation is going to have to up the ante at the very beginning and say,

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I'm going to have to, like, work as hard as I can to bridge that gap, you know, because my natural temptation is just going to be to give up leadership in my home and not take any responsibility there due to the imbalance.

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And that's, like, that's not good to, yeah, right, right, 1

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Peter 3, yeah. Even if some are disobedient to the word, when I'm over without a word, as they observe, you're chastened, respectful conduct, yeah, yeah.

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It's a bit harder even when it doesn't make any sense, right? But, yeah, I mean, the wife in that situation should not allow her husband to command sin, but there might be any number of wise or any number of things that are unwise where she supports and follows.

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And they'll reap the consequences of that, but she knows she's in a position of safety because she,

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God is, God is going to hold him accountable for it, not her.

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So, yeah, and this kind of relates to point number 3 too. So a husband bears primary responsibility for his wife's instruction.

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He fulfills that by personally watching his wife with the water of the word. He should, you know, obviously he should be taking what he's learning and passing it on to the family.

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He should be learning something so he can have to pass on to the family. He has a responsibility to place his wife under the teaching of qualified elders who teach sound doctrine because he's not an island in and of itself.

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He has a responsibility to answer his wife's questions about her elder's teaching. I don't know that any of us,

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I don't know that very many churches really see this as a real responsibility that a husband has.

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And that kind of relates to your point, like he should be a person who is competent enough to answer whatever questions she has.

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So 1 Corinthians 14 34 says, the women should keep silent in the churches for they are not permitted to speak, but they should be in submission as the law also says.

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And I want to talk about what that phrase in the churches mean at some point, probably not today because we may not have enough time.

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But women should keep silent in the churches for they are not permitted to speak, but they should be in submission as the law also says.

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Notice what it says, it says if there's anything they desire to learn, let them go ask the pastors later.

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Is that what it says? Let them ask the pastors later? Let them ask their women's ministry leaders later?

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Like is that? So many of the churches are set up in such a way that women are encouraged to bypass their husband.

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And I mean, I'm not saying that that's not for good reason. Maybe a lot of husbands have failed to be the leaders that they should be in their homes.

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They failed to know the Bible like they should. I would say in many homes, even in very solid homes, is to the great shame of the husbands that maybe their wives are more spiritually minded than them, or more faithful at Bible reading than them, or more faithful at prayer than them, or have maybe even have more

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Bible knowledge than men do at times. And I say that to the shame of men.

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But notice what it says. It says women should keep silent in the churches for they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission as the law also says.

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If there's anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home for it's shameful for a woman to speak in church.

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So like the idea is that if you take nothing from this other than the primary point we're trying to make here today, then take the primary point we're trying to make today that a wife should think, if I have a question about the

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Bible, who do I go to first? I should go to my husband first, right?

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I should go to my husband first because he's put in my life to teach me the

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Bible. That's not even saying go to the pastor first. So a lot of ladies will go to their pastor first.

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A lot of ladies will go to their friends first, right? They have a

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Bible question, they'll go to their friends first. First step, go to their friends, they don't go to their husband. In fact,

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I mean, you know, there's probably so much conflict in their marriage that they wouldn't, like what does this scumbag know about the answer to this

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Bible question? I'm just basically saying that when you're fighting and you have a relationship that's filled with conflict, you naturally don't want to go to him because you think, you don't trust him, you think he's going to find a way to basically make this all your problem and not his at all, right?

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But yeah, so yeah, it says go to your husband, he should have the answer, not go to your favorite internet teacher, you know, your favorite pastor, favorite, if they have a question they should ask their husband and that's, there's an expectation that they would want to, that they should want to.

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Emanuel, yeah, Emanuel, go for it.

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I am increasingly thinking that churches are violating the

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Word of God by not ever thinking to ask that, you know, I'm increasingly thinking that that should be a more natural kind of response than what it is.

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And I think if people, if more, you know, pastors were to think along those lines there would be a lot more harmony within the home instead of just taking it straight up, you know, so.

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Josh, so, so the, yeah, so the, basically

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I've been in multiple seminary classes where that concept is being discussed and applied to that particular situation.

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Not intellectual in terms of, part of this is a, there's no shortcut to knowing the

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Bible, right? So, you know the Bible by virtue of time you spend. So, someone has, some people have greater intellectual abilities than others that allow them to absorb more quickly, but there's no substitute for hard work.

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So what I'm, what I was, thought we were discussing is more the concept of knowledge over and against intellectual ability, like knowledge, like just which,

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I mean you could have someone with less intellectual ability who's put in more work and has more knowledge, right? Sure, so, yeah, what has, what was, the way the discussion goes, like unequally yoked right there is just a metaphor of two oxen that are plowing a field together, right?

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So it's a metaphor, it's not necessarily even meaning marry whom you will, only marry in the

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Lord at that point, it's just a, it's a metaphor that's axiomatic that applies to any number of situations essentially.

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And so then the idea is, you could take this in another way, let's say that you have like a very small man who can lift 30 pounds, okay?

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And then he marries a woman who can lift 400 pounds. Is he going to be a good protector of her, right?

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Is he going to be a good protector of her? It may be that of necessity you have a kind of role reversal scenario that happened there that's a bit unhealthy in certain ways, okay?

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So you just take that in the realm of strength. You might say, hey, I don't know how that's going to work out for you, okay?

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I don't know how that's going to work out. Now, you may not be talking about like, if he has a real responsibility to protect her from danger,

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I think women would, like they, if that's a real responsibility that God holds him accountable to, and she's the one always protecting him from danger, you may have like a role reversal that has happened by virtue of that choice.

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Now, he might, if he's in that situation, work really hard, like I would encourage him to work really hard to try to even it out a little bit so she's not always the one standing in front of the pit bull, you know, kind of thing.

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But like you think about that as it relates to Bible knowledge, if he is supposed to be the spiritual leader of her home, there are situations where a guy can step into the situation where he's just like, he hasn't done any preparation at all.

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She's done a ton of preparation, and she's just going to be looking at him, wanting him to catch up the whole time, right?

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And so the dynamic of the home is he's way, way, way behind.

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He may not be the best leader for her. He may not be the best leader for her, like practically, because she could probably, it'd be better for her to be the leader in that kind of situation.

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So that's not to say that it would be wrong for him to take on that responsibility, because marry whom you will, only marry in the

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Lord. It might just be that they're not a good match, and everyone knows it. Everyone knows they're not a good match.

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Again, the same way that if you have a guy who has prepared himself for the ministry, marries a new convert, it may be that he puts ministry on the shelf for about 10 years in order to figure out how to get everything together, because there's a lot of catch -up that needs to happen.

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So is it a good match? It's not the best match, like in terms of a scale of unwise to wise.

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Can God use it and work within it and make it better? Yes. But if you had people who were more in the same kind of area of spiritual maturity, it may make for a happier marriage and a more productive home than just having these massive imbalances one way or the other that you're having to spend a decade working through, kind of thing.

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So that's all I'm trying to say, basically. I'm not trying to say that there's some kind of law. I'm more just trying to say you may have one ox and another ox that you have to feed this one and get it to where then they work well together.

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So there may be a time where that's happening. Any other thoughts related to that? Okay. Husband bears primary responsibility for his wife's instruction.

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He fulfills that by personally washing his wife with the water of the Word, by placing his wife under the teaching of qualified elders who will teach sound doctrine.

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So obviously a husband needs to know what is a good church, what does the Bible say, are the characteristics that we should be looking for.

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He has a responsibility to pick a place that's going to edify them and benefit them. Answering his wife's questions about her elder's teaching,

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I think men should think that this is my responsibility. It's my responsibility to answer my wife's questions about the elder's teaching.

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This is not like some super husband responsibility kind of thing. Like maybe one day

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I'll be able to, no, if you're not able to answer your wife's questions about your elder's teaching, you need to step up your game.

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Devote yourself more to learning. You should be knowing what your elder's are teaching and being able to pass that on to your wife.

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Like that's your job. Like it's your job. I'm not saying you need to be able to teach it to the same level as what they're teaching, but it is your job to answer your wife's questions about what your elder's are saying and you should take that job seriously.

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Like you should say, this is my job. So, I should be devoting myself to learning so I can fulfill that job.

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Now, that doesn't mean that, like maybe there's some things that you can't.

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Maybe the elder's taught something that was like very, very unclear, right? I mean, that's where elders are bungling it and, you know, it's a, in their mind it's fuzzy, you know, and when it comes out to the congregation, it's completely obscure, you know, at that point and that's on them.

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But in general, this is your job. You should be able to answer your wife's questions and she should be going to you, right?

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And the church should be encouraging her to go to you. Everyone should be encouraging her to go to you when, you know, and she might have a temptation to go to everyone else and I would think that everyone should be thinking to themselves, hey, have you talked to, have you asked your husband about that?

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What does he think about that because you're under his authority? What does he say about that, you know? Because I don't necessarily want to be relating you in a way that's different than he's trying to lead you, you know, and that's a real thing, you know, that I think all of us should be thinking about as we're thinking about these things, like what, like that kind of check.

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What does your husband think about that? Four, ensuring that his wife has older women who will train her in her role.

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So older women, Titus 2, 3, older women likewise would be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine, they are to teach what is good, they are to teach what is good.

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Notice this isn't like a Beth Moore Bible study kind of thing, you know, leave Beth Moore aside. This is not even a K. Arthur kind of Bible study thing that's in view here, like if we like K.

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Arthur a little better than Beth Moore, like it's not, it's not even a K. Arthur kind of thing, right?

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So it's not like a Leslie Mitchell kind of thing if you know who that is either, like I mean, think about what's happening here, like so older women likewise would be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine, they are to teach what is good, and so what?

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Teach Grudem, systematic theology, what are they, like go through Ephesians together, like what are they supposed to do here, what are they told to do?

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So train the young women to love their husbands and children. People often say, hey, a wife doesn't have any responsibility to love her husband, only a husband has a responsibility to love their wife,

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I say no, it's right there, train the young women to love their husbands, they should love their husbands too, it's not just the husbands need to love them and they don't have to love them back, train the young women to love their husbands and children, be self -controlled, pure, working at home, that's a compound word there, that's one word in Greek, working at home, it's one word that means domestic, kind and submissive to their own husbands that the word of God may not be reviled.

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So what is the nature of this training, right, so it's teaching, they're to teach what is good, what is it though, it's more about training, isn't it?

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So yeah, I put some of the formal word there, so you have sopranososin, sopranososin from sopraniso, so that word basically is to instruct in prudence or behavior that is becoming and shows good judgment, to encourage, to advise, to urge.

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So notice this is behavioral training, it's not, this isn't really heavily doctrinal teaching, why would it not be doctrinal teaching that's in view here, obviously, like what has

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God given elders to do, to teach what accords to sound doctrine, right, they're qualified and equipped to teach what accords to sound doctrine, why are women prohibited from entering into an elder role, the reason why women are prohibited from entering into an elder role is because Adam was created first, because Eve being deceived fell into transgressions, so women are more easily deceived than men, they're not, they were not created first, that was not

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God's design for women to be the doctrinal teachers of the church, but what are they to teach, older women likewise, they're to be reverent to behavior, not slanderous to much wine, they're to teach what is good, there's behavioral content here, and I wish more churches devoted themselves to this task of passing along this behavioral content in their training, so notice what it says, to love their husbands and children, what should be older, what should older women be teaching younger women to do, how to love their husband, that's what they should be doing, teaching them how to love their husband and children, you say hey, women don't need to be taught how to love children, yes they do, children are needy, children are needy, they're not, they don't come out of the box perfectly behaved do they, you know at times there's a love that you have for your children and at times there's a, so many young mothers today are irritated, impatient, annoyed, bothered by their children, look upon their children's attention as something that's intruding upon them, they need their safe spaces, they need to distance, right, so they can't handle children interactions with them, but I mean what should older women be teaching, love their husbands and children, you know it doesn't necessarily even come natural for women to love their husbands in the way that they should either, okay, it doesn't, like love their husbands children, be self -controlled, notice self -control, pure, working at home, kind, submissive, all these things, these are behavioral things that need to be trained and the older generation needs to train them, so many young women today are going into marriage with basically no training at this point and trying to figure it all out and I've seen case after case after case after case after case of that kind of thing where young women are entering into marriages woefully unprepared to do even basic things like meal plan, meal plan, like fulfill their domestic responsibilities, have schedules that are life -giving within the home, know how to respond to a husband who is very different than they are, know how to care and love that husband without taking offense at everything that he does and doesn't do, most often doesn't do, right, how to care for children, like those are things that we need to teach and it's part of a husband's responsibility to think,

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I need to surround her with some older women who are going to help train her in these behavioral content and the purpose of that is the word of God may not be reviled, so any thoughts related to that, questions?

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Related to, I know what I meant when I said it, but what, related specifically to, yeah, so, sure, there's any, yeah, so the thing is, this is, this kind of training that the

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Bible encourages in Titus 2 is a very specific behavioral kind of training that I would say is desperately needed within the church, is desperately needed within the church and it's very difficult to find examples of this happening, like it's desperately needing,

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I don't necessarily even think that this needs to be, I think, we think anytime that there's a need, we need to create a formal

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Bible study for that that looks kind of like all the other Bible studies and I don't think that's what it's talking about at all, but related to this topic, yeah,

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I think there's a need for this and older women need to be stepping up and doing that and younger women need to be praying for older women to help them with that, seeking out older women to help them with that and I do think it's, if a husband is not putting his wife in an environment where there's going to be older women to do that and some of that's on him, right, because it's his job to ensure that she has those, but yeah,

55:01

I think in the

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Reformed world, what this forum typically takes is more doctrinally minded

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Bible studies and then in the non -Reformed world, it's all the reader response, hermeneutic, what do you think that this, like how does this make you feel, like this, but it's

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Bible study of a different kind, it's more like how does this make you feel and go around the room and everyone share their feelings about what they're reading in that way with no order or objective, but I think, yeah, like the question should women have formal church

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Bible studies, there is like a mission drift kind of category for that kind of thing where if you think about the nature of what is commanded, it's almost impossible in most churches to get ladies to do the commanded thing, but then they're more than happy to have just another

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Bible study for women, taught by a woman, in the worst case scenario, it's so that I can hear the

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Bible in my own heart language as a woman kind of thing, right, I need to hear this from a woman's perspective because I can't, you see how that like totally undermines the concept of pastoral authority that the only way

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I can hear the Bible is if another woman teaches me that, that's pretty common, but I do think this is an example of mission drift where you think about the primary mission that older women are given in the scriptures is to train the young women in these behavioral traits and there's any number of other things that typically clamber for our attention that keep us from doing that where we think we're like we're doing something, but we're not doing the main thing and so notice how a lot of that's behavioral training, it's not meant to be let's teach doctrine together, but then so many women in an attempt to be faithful to fight,

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I mean it's overwhelming obviously, so many women in an attempt to be faithful to Titus 2 are doing anything but Titus 2, okay, they're not doing

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Titus 2, they're just doing a ladies Bible study, yeah, and that's not what Titus 2 is saying, okay, so it's just a random generic ladies

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Bible study, it's not anything to do with training the young women to love their husbands children, be self -control, working at home, kind, submissive to their own husbands, that's the mission and we should devote ourselves to that mission and figure out better ways to do that mission and there's a great need, there's a great need for it,

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I mean the last church I was at, I mean none of the ladies at my church went into, none of them,

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I can't think of one lady at my church who went into marriage feeling like they had anyone teaching them how to love their husbands and children, be pure kind workers at home, being domestic, none of them were taught how to manage a household, none of them were taught how to meal plan, none of them were taught how to cook, to clean, to have cleaning schedules, laundry, all that kind of stuff, none of them were taught to like submit and respond to a husband who has very different desires than you do, you know, they were, they didn't go into marriage with any of that happening and that's,

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I mean because one, their parents didn't prioritize those things, you know, most of their mom were just working mom, doing their own thing in the workforce, they didn't teach them those things, so they went in there, they went into marriage basically just woefully unprepared for all of this and I think that churches, if the statistics

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I gave a few weeks ago about women in the workforce obtain, there's a massive absence of this thing that is being passed along to the next generation that we should be aware of, but any thoughts related to any of that?

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Comments, questions, concerns? I didn't get to the last half, the second half of it, so we'll do that next week, but last chance.

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All right, now I'll close this in prayer. Lord, we do thank you for the opportunity that we have to think about some of these truths that we found in the scriptures,

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Lord I pray that you give us eyes to see and ears to hear and help us to love your words, to love your truth,

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Lord. We know that your ways are right and our instincts on these topics are often not to be trusted.

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Help us to see, see where we're at, help us to make adjustments and the right kind of adjustments.

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I pray that you bring conviction where appropriate, give insight and clarity to how we can be more faithful to these things.

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I pray that you help the husbands in this room to understand their responsibility to be shepherds of their homes, particularly of their wives.

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I pray that you help them to see that as a real responsibility that they're growing in and that they need to have a sense of urgency to be ready and prepared and be faithful with that.

01:00:10

I pray that you help the ladies in the room that do have husbands to be looking to their husbands to provide that for them and expecting that they do.

01:00:23

And for the singles in the room, I hope you, I pray that you would help the young men to be preparing to be those kind of leaders and the young women to be preparing to be those kind of followers who know what kind of leader to look for.