Proper Biblical Confrontation - [Luke 17:3-4]

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Our Father in Heaven, we do thank you for the wonder of your person.
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We are in awe of you this morning. We bow before you. We, as the psalmists, would lift up our souls unto you and give you thanks.
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We give you praise for your kindness to us. We are in awe of your mercies toward us, how you keep on forgiving us, even with all of our sins.
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You love us, you forgive us, you cleanse us, and you keep us as your very own.
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We're blessed, a blessed people. And when we consider the unspeakable gift of your
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Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, we can only lift up our souls in grateful praise. So this morning we come to you and we ask that you'd help us, teach us,
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Lord, even when it comes to this subject of dealing with our brother and sister or dealing with someone with some type of issue in their life, help us, oh
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Lord God, to do it biblically, help us to do it with the right motive, with the right spirit, with the right heart, attitude.
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Lord, may you get all the praise and glory as you teach us. In Jesus' name, amen. If you would open your
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Bibles to Luke 17, I just want to start this off with a couple of verses from Luke 17.
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Again, the title, Proper Biblical Confrontation or Proper Biblical Rebuking.
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And I am not advocating this morning that this become your mission in life or this become your primary emphasis.
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You know, I have, Brother Dave, I just found out, don't go away from Sunday school class this morning thinking,
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I just came away with the insight that I have the spiritual gift of rebuking.
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No, that would be the wrong attitude. But if you think this way, if you are a believer in Christ, it's not if, you will at some point in your life be speaking to somebody or need to deal with somebody, whether in your family or outside of your family, and you are going to need to confront some type of issue.
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It could be sin. It's a shortcoming. It could be something that you see in someone's life and you are going to have to deal with it, and there is a proper way to do that.
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But notice the words of our Lord in Luke 17, in verse 3, Luke 17, 3, where Jesus says,
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Be on your guard, or your translation may say, take heed to yourselves. Be on your guard.
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If your brother sins or if your brother trespasses against you, rebuke him.
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And if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins or trespasses against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turns again to you, saying,
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I repent, you shall forgive him. So you see here that we are admonished of the
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Lord to confront. We are admonished to rebuke, to admonish strongly.
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Rebuke has the idea of reproving with words so as to correct someone.
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It has the idea of expressing a sharp disapproval or a reprimand.
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And when you think of confronting somebody, it's kind of like this, it's a face -to -face situation.
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You are facing a person with their error, or you are facing a person with their sin.
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And it's for the purpose of dealing with that issue, and hopefully the desire is that the person comes out of it or is delivered from it, that there is a life change.
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That's what it's all about. It's not to prove how great biblically we are, that we can swing the
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Bible at them and chop away and do some business. That's not the idea here.
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The idea is to be a help to other people. And notice some of the verses that I put at the top of the page.
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Proverbs 25, verse 7, Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed, or secret love, it might say in your translation.
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Better is open rebuke than secret love, or love that's concealed. I think it was in one of the commentaries
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I looked at, it said that expressed love is better than suppressed love.
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Expressed love is better than love that's covered up. Even if that love comes by way of a wise and loving rebuke and criticism and confrontation, it's still good to do it.
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It's better than covering things or not dealing with things and saying, oh, I love the person, but not dealing with them.
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How about the second verse, Proverbs 27, verse 6? And I love this. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
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Faithful are the wounds of a friend. I think I may have mentioned recently that I started reading
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Pilgrim's Progress again, and I just remember Pilgrim's, Christian's friends, and one of them is faithful and the other one is helpful,
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I believe, is his other friend. But the conversations that they had and the way that they would iron, sharpen iron and help each other, and when you really want to help someone,
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I mean, it is our duty to deal with issues straightforwardly, and if we do it, we're proving ourselves to be faithful.
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I'll give you something out of this is Charles Bridges' commentary on Proverbs. Listen to what he says about a person, the type of friend who would confront their brother or sister in Christ and try to help them.
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Listen how he describes them. What is the friend who will be a real blessing to my soul?
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Is it one that will humor my fancies and flatter my vanity? Is it enough that he loves my person and would spend his time and energies in my service?
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This comes far short of my requirement. I am a poor, straying sinner with a wayward will and a blinded heart going wrong at every step.
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The friend for my case is one who will watch over me with open rebuke.
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My friend will be one who will watch over me, faithful, caring for me, not letting me go, not letting me go in a wayward way, the way that I would...
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We see the issues in others' lives more than we see it or easier than we see it in ourselves, don't we?
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We use a microscope when we look at other people's faults, but we use a telescope when we look at our own.
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They seem so far away, so small, so insignificant, but they are big. And we'll get into that when we look at Matthew chapter 7.
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But he says, the friend for my case is one who will watch over me with open rebuke and be a reprover when needful, not always, but when it's needed, when it's appropriate, when it's needful and he will not be a flatterer.
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The genuineness of friendship without this mark is more than doubtful.
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Its usefulness is utterly paralyzed. That secret love that dares not risk a faithful wound and spares rebuke rather than inflicts pain judged by God's standard is hatred.
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And he quotes Leviticus 19 .17. You can look in there, it says when you're dealing with your neighbor, what you need to do, there are times when you need to rebuke them.
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And if you don't, you're not showing them that you love them. Far better the wound should be probed than covered.
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It's true when it comes to the physical wounds or boils or things that happen.
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Sometimes they need to be opened, they need to be cleansed, they need to be taken care of rather than just put a band -aid on them and let them get worse.
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Rebuke, notice how he describes how it should be. Rebuke, kindly, considerately, and prayerfully administered, cements friendships rather than loosens them.
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Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Notice the next verse in Proverbs 28 up at the top.
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He who rebukes a man will afterwards find more favor than he who flatters with the tongue.
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Because when you flatter with the tongue, I mean, are you really being genuine? Think about it. When a person is flattering another person, why are they flattering?
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Who is it all about? Somebody tell me. Why is one person, when one person A, when
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A flatters B, what is A looking for? Approval.
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What would somebody else say? Do you want something back? Right? You know?
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Oh, how great you are and how wonderful you do your job or, you know, go to the boss's office.
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Oh, boss. You know, I mean, well, if you...
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Remember I said it's true rebuke and all these words, it's got to be genuine. Okay?
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It's got to be genuine. Most folks, when you flatter, it could be genuine flattering, but you're not showing the true expression of your heart when you're flattering.
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It's about you. It's about the person. But when you rebuke someone and you do it properly or when you confront somebody and you go to them, it is for their well -being.
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You're really wanting to be a faithful friend. You're really, really desiring for them to go from the place where they are in the sinful state, in the state where they're apathetic, they're disengaged, their heart is cold, their relationships are sour, their marriage is on the brink, their relationship with their kids is falling apart.
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And you see it. If you're a friend and you're going to be a faithful friend, you're going to go in and it's going to be as if it's taking a scapel and cutting and opening up and there's going to be wounds.
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And it's going to hurt that person, but it's going to hurt in a way that is good because it's going to bring the true healing, the true restoration, the true change that they need in their life.
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Faithful are the wounds of a friend. And that person who rebukes a man will afterwards find more favor than one who flatters with the tongue.
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Finding more favor. If you deal with someone in an honest and reputable and caring and truthful way, even though it appears to be what?
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Does it appear to be positive or negative on the surface? It appears to be negative, doesn't it?
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You're coming to me and you're face -to -facing me. You're confronting me with something in my life and it seems to be negative, but it will result in blessing.
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It will result in favor. It's much better than smoozing, if you know what
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I mean, flattering, than letting things go or being puffed up in flattery.
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And that's all you're going to do for the person. You're not really going to help them in their need. I remember one time Deb and I were at a church, one of the first churches we were ever at after the
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Lord saved us in Texas. And there was a need that we had to find a place to rent.
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And we checked around and we first started in the church. And we found that there was a woman in the church who had a place for rent.
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And we went and approached the person and said, you know, we would love to be able to try to move in. And we did. And we thought, you know, this person had been in the church for many, many years.
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And we rented and we ran into all kinds of problems. There were some character issues.
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There were some attitude issues. There was some lack of spiritual fruit in this person's life.
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And really it all came down to the fact that this person was a so -called pillar in the church, a founding member, but had never been dealt with, concerning some of the issues that were in that person's life.
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And if someone had lovingly dealt with her, Deb and I would have been spared. We went through the ringer. We were out of the house not too long after.
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I mean, we lived there for a period of time. But we did that whole house over.
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We painted and wallpapered and did all this stuff. I mean, we were just gung -ho, ready to move in and live there.
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And just over time we found out there were just too many issues, and it just wasn't going to work out.
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And we had to move. But if somebody had been faithful to her, if somebody had tried to help her and deal with her, maybe she would have changed.
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And it would have been to the point where these sinful patterns and habits that she had had in her life would have been dealt with, and she herself would have been where she needed to be and more obedient and more glorifying to the
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Lord. And other people would be spared, too. And that's what's critical in the church. We are to one another, each other, right, to love one another, to care for one another, to pray for one another.
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And even in the Scriptures, I mean, I'll give you a couple more if you're interested, those that are taking notes.
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In 2 Timothy 4, we could turn there if you'd like, because we'll go there and then we'll go right to Galatians 1.
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In 2 Timothy, in chapter 4, we have this principle.
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I mean, this is the verse that we all know about preaching the Word of God, how important it is for us as leaders in the church, as men in the church, to preach the
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Word. And, of course, this instruction is primarily to those that are in ministry, but there's a practical application here for any believer.
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It says in 2 Timothy 4, verse 2, I'm reading from the King James, So this principle is here that there are going to be times when we do need to point out sin in people's lives.
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That's the reproving. And we need to rebuke people or express our disapproval for something that's going on in their lives.
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It's an in -the -face confrontation, expressing disappointment, disapproval, this is not right, you're not heading in the right direction, and you need to turn, you need to make a change, you've got to look at what
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God's Word says, and you can't continue this way because this is dishonoring to the Lord. You're living a life in a pattern that doesn't fit the gospel, the life that is to be changed by the grace of God.
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And we need to do that. As believers, we saw in Luke chapter 17 that we're to do that for our brother when they come, and if they repent, and that's what we're looking for, right?
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We desire for them to have a heart change, a life change, an attitude change to where they're going to turn and go in the right direction.
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Their life is upside down, it's going to be flipped right side up, and they're going to honor the Lord in that way.
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Now, turn with me now to Galatians chapter 6, and you can just hold your Bible open there.
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I'm not going to speak to that verse just right now because I want to do some other points here from the notes so that we can work our way down this sheet.
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Now, the extremes of our day, you notice on the sheet, the extremes of our day.
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How do people think when they think, oh, boy, I've got to rebuke someone,
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I've got to face somebody, I've got to show my disapproval, and I need to show it with words.
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And did you notice in 2 Timothy 4, it says that you're to do that with what? With long -suffering, suffering long, with patience with people, not to be short -fused, but to be long -fused with people, to give them, in the way like a firecracker, give them space, give the long fuse on it so that you're not a person who's like, you know, you've got to jump, you've got to do this really quick, you've got to have it done now, and it's got to be on my schedule.
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You've just got to love them enough to be patient with them. But the extremes of our day, many times, as you'll see the first bullet there, pound them with the
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Bible club. No mercy, no love demonstrated. Let them have it, full bore, bang, away with it,
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I got you. And then the next thing I put, slice and dice, you know, really let them have it, just chop them up, you know.
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And, you know, we smile and we laugh, but there have been times when we may have done this. We haven't been patient.
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We haven't really demonstrated love. We haven't given, we haven't come to the person with the right attitude.
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What is missing when we're doing this? What is missing?
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Love is missing, right? Compassion is missing. What's another aspect? I know somebody will get it,
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Bruce. All right, yeah, you know, we consider ourselves, and when we consider ourselves first, we say, you know, there go
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I, but by the grace of God. Or I remember the day when I was caught in that sin, when that consumed me, or it controlled me.
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I was in the same boat, and God delivered me from that. And he loved me, and he delivered me, and he was patient with me, and I ought to be the same with this dear brother or sister.
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And when you think that way, what does that cause us to do? We get in the right frame of mind, we get in the right attitude, and we humble ourselves, don't we?
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Humility, you got to go into this with love and compassion and humility. Then the other extreme then, and this is what
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I think is more prevalent. You'll have a few people that will be the slicers and dicers, the
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Bible clubbers, bangers away. But most of the time, and in most churches with most people, just don't do anything.
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I mean, you remember, judge not that you be not judged. You know, you can't judge people.
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And before we look at Galatians, just hold your hand there and take a look at Matthew 7, if you would with me.
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I mean, we hear that all the time. That's why we're not going to do it. We're going to love people, and we're just going to let it go.
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I mean, how loving is that? You see a little child reaching towards the fire in the fireplace, stick their hand there, a toy ball or something rolls into the fireplace, and they're going to reach in there.
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Well, I'm just going to love them. They're going to get their ball back. No, we're going to smash them up, right?
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We're going to protect them because we care for them. We know they're going to get hurt. And the same with a person who is in a pattern of life, a sinful pattern, and they need the help.
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They need to be confronted. In Matthew 7, Jesus says, judge not that you be not judged.
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Yeah, that's right, it's there. But it doesn't stop there, right? It continues to go on. For with what judgment you judge, you shall be judged, and with what measure you meet, it shall be measured to you again.
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And why do you behold the mote or the speck that is in your brother's eye, but you do not consider the beam or the plank that is in your own eye?
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And how will you say to your brother, let me pull out the mote or the speck out of thine eye and behold a beam or the large piece of squared timber is in your own eye?
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And so, as Bruce said, we need to consider ourselves. But it doesn't say here,
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Jesus doesn't say, don't do anything, right? He doesn't say that.
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He says, you need to do this. You are going to, notice in verse 5, you hypocrite, first cast the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to do something, not just to sit back, not just to disengage, but the ultimate aim, yes, is to go take the speck out of your brother's eye.
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You're going to do that. You're going to help him. Jesus is not saying you don't do it. He's not saying don't do it at all.
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He's dealing with how you do it. And don't do it. And the whole idea as far as judging, and that is what
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I've talked about with the Bible club or the slicing and dicing, is having a critical and a harsh spirit.
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It is passing judgment on people beforehand. It is not giving any benefit of the doubt.
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You might not even know the whole story, but you've already passed the judgment. You are critical.
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You are harsh. You're always just looking to get somebody. And if you're getting ready to rebuke someone or confront someone at any moment, and you think that you will enjoy it, your heart is not right.
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Because it's not easy. Even when you do it, it's not easy to do. It's necessary, but it's not easy to do.
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Dottie, did you have a question? Yeah.
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Was it easy to do? Were you a little bit nervous, butterflies in the stomach? Yeah, amen.
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Because you're doing the right thing. You're obeying the Word. And here in Matthew 7, it doesn't say don't pluck the speck out of their eye.
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So you're going to do that. But first, examine yourself. Look at yourself. Humble yourself.
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Confess your own sin. Deal with what's in your own life first, and then go with the right attitude, not being harsh.
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There go I but by the grace of God. I'm a sinner the same as this person. God has graced me, favored me, and delivered me, and now
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I want to help them. And it's remarkable. I mean, is a person going to thank you if they're in their car with their family and they're rolling up to a railroad track and they don't see the train coming, are they going to thank you for letting them go or are they going to thank you for warning them and helping them?
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Certainly they are going to thank you for helping them and for restoring them in these types of situations, for lightening their burden, for putting them back on the path by God's wisdom that God gives you.
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But it's going to take this deep breath. It's going to take this prayer, this attitude of casting yourself upon the mercies of the
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Lord and being dependent upon God but doing something, confronting and going to them.
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And here, you know, sometimes we hear and read these types of verses that says we are to rebuke, we are to confront, we are to pull the speck out of our brother's eye.
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But then how do we do this? And this next section of the sheet is not going to be fully conclusive.
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It's not going to be the only way that this can be done. But I hope to give you some practical tips here that you can take that will spiritually help you to be prepared and will also give you some hands -on practical things and examples of how to say things when you're talking to people because sometimes we just don't do it right.
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We know that when we've been blasted, right? Anybody in here been blasted? Somebody's come up to you and really let you have it.
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Now, their desire was probably for your good. They just didn't know what to do or how to handle it and they did it the best way that they could.
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But we can learn how to better do it, right, how to do it with the right attitude. And the first thing
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I've put here is that confronting is a sign of love.
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It's a sign of commitment. Rather than enjoying this, we should be broken over the person's condition, sad for them, their life may be a mess, and God is being dishonored if they're a believer.
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And it's no time to be a crusader wielding a sword that does not have any love of the proper spiritual, good biblical attitude behind it.
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First thing on the list that we need to do is we need to pray. We don't just charge in, but we need to pray.
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And as we're praying, one of the things that we need to do is we need to consider our own heart. Now, we're in Galatians 6, and you'll notice verse 1.
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Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness.
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And I think that was that the verse that you alluded to, Bruce, you were thinking of, you know, restoration with a spirit of gentleness, coming with care.
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This is a bruised reed, a smoking flax. This is someone who is broken, and if you come on hard, and if you come on with the sword, you may not be able to help them.
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You're just going to totally squash them where they are, and we need to come with gentleness and loving them.
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And it says here in Galatians 6, 1, each one looking to yourselves so that you too will not be tempted.
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We need to pray as we're entering into this that we will not be tempted because we are in danger when we enter into dealing with other people's sin, we are in danger of being tainted by that.
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We are in danger of being tempted towards it, or letting it go, or looking over it, or treating it lightly, or it's not so bad, but it really is.
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We are tempted ourselves maybe to be drawn in. If we're not examined, if we're not prayed up, if we're not strengthened, if we're not walking with the
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Lord. Did you notice who is supposed to go and help the person? Does it say the person who's carnal, the person who's fleshly, the person who is wayward, the person who is just kind of checked out and not engaged spiritually?
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No, it's the spiritual. And certainly we want to go and make sure that we are able to deal with the situation that is with this person because we are in the right frame of mind and we've confessed our own sins.
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We thank the Lord for deliverance maybe in the same area. We want to go in, God protect me, protect my mind and protect my heart.
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I don't want to be puffed up with pride because I think you could be tempted to pride as you're dealing with somebody because I'm better off than you are and I'm better than you because I already took care of this one.
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What's up with you, you wimpy Christian? Get it together. We could be tempted with a blind spot that is in our own lives.
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We could get pulled in and this is a time for humility, for carefulness, a time to be circumspect and not to be caught up or trapped up and fall ourselves.
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So we pray for that. And then secondly, I put here, we pray for God to give us wisdom. If any of you lacks wisdom, James 1 .5
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says, pray to God. He gives it liberally and as our sister Dottie said,
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God graced her and I'm sure God gave her wisdom and God gave her the words, gracious words to speak to a person.
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And our words should be seasoned with salt. Our words should be edifying, building up. They're encouraging and it's not for our benefit.
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It's for the glory of Christ Jesus, our Lord and Savior. And our desire is to deal with the person in such a way to call them, to call them back to obedience to the word of God, to call them to walk properly before the
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Lord. Peggy, question? You can do both. Well, at times you may have to do that.
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If you have somebody who is not a believer, maybe they're coming to the church and they do something that's sinful, there's something that's wrong, you can deal with that, certainly.
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You can call them to it. But of course, what are you going to call them to? Sanctification? You're going to call them to walk as a
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Christian? You're going to call them to Christ? You're going to point them to the cross? Right. You're going to show them that they're sinful before God and call them to repent of their sin and believe upon the
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Lord Jesus Christ to be saved? Certainly, yeah. You can do that. And parents do that with their children.
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They confront them. Their children who aren't saved, they do that. So you pray for the
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Lord to give you wisdom because when it comes to dealing with situations, we may not know the whole story.
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We might be like the NFL official on the football field and he sees something happen and he throws the flag and then everybody starts scuffling and complaining because he didn't see the thing that happened before that second.
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He only saw the secondary offense, but he didn't see the first one. And we might be entering into it and we don't have all the facts.
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We don't know what really happened. And there's always two sides to what? To every story.
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Right. If you're dealing with one person, that's only that side of the story. And we need to make sure that we not only get that, but we also, before we pass any judgment, before we even think about maybe the course of action to take, what this person needs to do, we need to go talk to the other party.
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And sometimes it's even the best to pull both together. But in here, I'm mainly dealing with how we talk to one person.
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And then, of course, certainly, the third bullet here, we pray for the Lord to turn their heart, to grant repentance, grant an enabling to change.
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In 2 Timothy 2, 24 to 26, there is just the principle of dealing with a person that God would perhaps grant them repentance so that they could be delivered out of the snare of the devil, captured by him for his will.
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And that's certainly for the lost people, but there's a principle there that we still are looking for the
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Lord to work in a person's life. Again, we're yearning for their restoration, for their deliverance, for a drastic change to bring them back to obedience to God's word.
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And we need to be dependent upon the Lord and pray and ask God before we go talk to anybody.
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And then secondly, the second point here, not only do we pray, but then we confront. We actually, if you look in Galatians 2, let me ask you if this sounds like a confrontation.
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Galatians 2, verse 11. We're in the same book, just turn back to chapter 2. Galatians 2, 11.
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This is Paul speaking, Galatians 2, 11. When Peter was come back to Antioch, I withstood him or I opposed him to the face.
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I think it tells us right out of the gate what happened here. This is a confrontation. Paul withstood
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Peter to the face because he was to be blamed. For before that certain came from James, he did eat with the
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Gentiles. But when they were come, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing them which were of the circumcision.
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And the other Jews dissembled, verse 13, likewise with him, insomuch that Barnabas also was carried away with their dissimulation.
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And when I saw that, they walked not uprightly according to the truth of the gospel. And that's the whole point. Paul wanted to make sure that every believer walked according to the truth of the gospel.
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Not Paul's standards, not according to Paul's dictates, but according to the truth of the gospel.
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He said, I said unto Peter before them all, if you being a Jew live as after the manner of the
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Gentiles and not as do the Jews, why do you compel the Gentiles to live as the Jews do? And simply what had happened was, is
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Peter was sitting at a table with a bunch of Gentiles, eating with them. And some
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Jews came in the door. And Peter got up from the table and went over and left the
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Gentiles there, went over to cling and to associate himself with the
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Jews that had come in. When he did that, it was unloving. When he did that, it showed prejudice.
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When he did that, it showed favoritism. And Paul found out about it. Paul knew about it.
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And Paul didn't let it go. Because what had happened was, is that Barnabas did the same thing.
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He caused somebody else to stumble. And that's what happens when someone stumbles, in the church particularly, other people can follow suit.
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So the idea is, is to help the person to understand, you know, according to the truth, Paul, Peter, you did wrong,
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Paul is telling him. And he confronted him right to his face, and he did it right openly before all the people, because it needed to be stopped.
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It was unkind, uncharitable, it was prejudice, and it showed favoritism. And Paul dealt with it.
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He confronted him. But when you confront, it's not the ripping off of heads, but it's showing compassion, pity, love, desiring the person's good.
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Well, good. It's treating people like the Lord Jesus treats people.
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Now sometimes, like in this case here in Galatians 2, you see it with your eyes. There's no ambiguity.
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It's not unclouded. It's not secondhand. You see it, and you deal with it straight on.
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But sometimes you're getting, you might not know, again, all the story, or you might get it secondhand.
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You might find out, you know, one of the elders in the church may come to you and say, here's a person who has an issue.
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Would you please go talk to them? It's something that we'd like for you to deal with. Maybe it would be more preferable for one of the ladies to deal with one of the ladies in the church and not one of the elders, so we'll ask.
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Or it might be a younger person. We'll ask somebody to go talk to them. When that happens, you don't have completely all the facts, and maybe the elders or the leaders don't have all the facts, and you need to be very careful.
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And that's why I put this second part in here. And again, this part here and some of this outline,
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I had gotten from one of our professors at Southern in Northbrook, Tim Bucher, who taught us last semester.
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And he said, when you're speaking to people, it's good to speak on the basis of impression and not conclusion.
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And I'm going to show you the difference between these two. When you deal with the basis of conclusion, I've kind of already dealt with this, you are taking on the role as judge and jury.
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You pronounce the person guilty, and you blast them. That's conclusion.
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And the result of that is that they get defensive. Walls come up. And we, again, need to be careful because we may not have the whole story.
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And here are some examples. I just put some examples together of the difference between, well, maybe
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I should do them after. I'll explain expression and then do the examples. So, like in this case, I'll give you just one quick example.
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You don't say something like, well, if you were doing it based on conclusion, this is how you would do it.
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God showed me that you are a filthy sinner. And God sent me, like he sent
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Nathan to David, to point the finger at you. You were wrong. You need to repent. You need to do something.
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I know you're wrong. Get with it. Something like that. That's conclusion. You're the judge.
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You're the jury. Pass sentence. It's over. But on the other hand, with impression, it's because you want to be careful, because you want to be long -suffering, because you want to get the real story, because you really want the person to be helped, you use words like, it appears to be happening this way or that way, and your words or actions seem to be coming across like this.
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And you ask them to explain. You're looking for more facts. You're looking for more information.
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You don't rush to conclusions. You make 100 % sure that you have a good grip on the subject of the issue.
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You ask them, help me to understand. Tell me more. It looks like this is going on in your life.
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And the result of that is it opens up discussion. The walls won't come up, but walls will come down.
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They'll see that you care about them. They begin to trust you, and they'll see that you're really trying to help.
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And what you're trying to do is put your arm around them and really, really help them. Here's some examples.
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How about if you're dealing with somebody and the subject is anger? And you go up to the person, and you say, you are an angry person, and God is going to strike you down for it.
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Is that conclusion or is that impression? Conclusion, of course, right? I mean, now,
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I'm going to the real extreme. But if you be honest with yourself, you and I have done this.
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It may be to a lesser degree, but we've done it. And you know what the really knife turner is, the really bad part of it all is, is when you bring in the name of Jesus or God or the
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Bible. And I'll give you some examples of those. In this case here, I think a better way to do it would be,
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I noticed the way you just spoke to your wife or your child or your husband, and it seems like you're pretty angry.
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Notice that? It seems like you're angry. I mean, you don't know what just went on. The other person could have just lashed at them, and yeah, they didn't react and respond properly, but you've got to make sure we get the whole picture.
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Can you tell me a little bit more of what's going on in your life, and I'd like to be able to help you.
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Here's another example when it comes to weakness. You're talking to a brother or sister in Christ.
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You are always full of so many doubts and fears. It's pretty clear that you're not a believer. I mean, what kind of help is that going to be to a person, right?
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I mean, seriously, I know that I'm stretching it. Is that hyperbole, or is that another word?
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I don't know. I'm stretching it, exaggerating. The better way is, over the past few months, when we get together,
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I could sense your lack of assurance. Something's going on. Can you tell me more about what you're thinking, because I'd like to help you out.
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Now, no walls there, right? Well, it's confronting them, though.
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You're going to them, the idea, because, yeah, I almost came to the point where I said, would you please just strike out the word rebuke on this?
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This is really confronting. This is more, the class is really about, it's leaning more towards the confronting people with things that are in their life, because when you rebuke somebody, really, you can do that when you're confronting, but the rebuke is that sharp disappointment.
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It's that quick pointing out. It is that Nathan dealing with David, but even when you're rebuking, some of these same principles that I'm talking about need to be used.
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You have to have the right spirit. You have to love the person. You have to be long -suffering and demonstrate humility, but good point,
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Peggy. You get the gold star for the Sunday school class this morning. Yeah, let me give an example.
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I'm going to deal with Bruce, and we're talking, and there's something going on in his life, and I'm going to confront him, and I'm going to rebuke him if need be, but the things that are going on in his life,
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I'm not going to tell you about it, and I'm not going to tell you about it. I'm going to cover that. I'm not going to spread it around.
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I'm going to cover that, and that's just one application of it. I'm going to cover it. There's a whole lot of things going on in Bruce's life, but I'm going to deal with it, and, you know, other people think
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Bruce is the greatest brother since sliced bread, and he is, because I'm not opening up the closet because I love him.
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I'm going to cover that. Well, and the thing that I might be dealing with him is he has offended me, and I've covered it.
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I've loved him. I've covered it. I've dealt with him. I've restored, you know, worked with him, restored him, but I haven't let everybody else know about it.
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I've let it go. I don't need to prove a point. It's between us and God, and other people don't need to know about it.
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How about a lack of attendance or commitment in the church? Here's what you say to the person. I hardly ever see you at church services, and you call yourself a member of BBC?
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You sure are uncommitted to the gospel work going on here. Why don't you get it together? You know, there's the idea.
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On the other hand, lately, it appears your attendance has slipped, and you've missed a lot of services.
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Is something going on in your life or your family? Can I help you? I mean, you're getting the point. Depression.
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Somebody's depressed. Why do you always look and act so depressed?
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Come on. Real Christians don't act that way. Snap out of it. Or, I get a sense that you're upset, possibly even depressed.
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Notice, a sense of, possibly even. I'm not passing judgment. I'm not saying that they are, because I don't really know what's going on.
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I'm going to find out, though. Would you like to share what's going on in your life? I'd really like to come alongside and encourage you.
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How about if somebody's lazy or idle? Man, you are a real spiritual deadbeat.
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When are you going to get a grip and start serving Jesus? Notice there. When are you going to start serving Jesus? When are you going to start obeying the
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Bible, right? When are you going to start looking for a job? When I look around BBC, on the other hand, you kind of get the idea.
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Did you ever go to the, I don't know why it just came into my mind, the dentist office I used to read as a kid, the
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Highlights magazine, and there was goofus and gallant, right? Are you getting that idea here?
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Although, it's a spiritual goofus, a gallant who's a spiritual guy.
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So, when are you going to get a grip and start serving Jesus? When I look around BBC, I see so many people are plugged in and pulling up their sleeves.
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I could be wrong, but I've noticed that you just come and go on Sundays, and it appears you don't even get involved.
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Can I help you find a ministry? Can I help you find a job if you're dealing with a job? And then the last example, maybe somebody has resentment in their life.
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When Brother So -and -so told us he got a job promotion and a raise, you just about blew a gasket.
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Don't you know that Jesus wants us, get it again, don't you know that Jesus wants us to be content with our lot in life?
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You are way out of line. Again, extreme, right? But we get into that attitude because we get frustrated with people, or we're pulling the load, we're pulling the oars, and other people are, come on, get with it.
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Maybe better, when Brother So -and -so announced he got a promotion and a raise, the majority of the church just rejoiced with him.
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It looked like you didn't enter into his happiness. Is something going on that I could help you think through?
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Get the idea? I mean, it's not in conclusion, it's impression. Then next we need to listen.
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We may have missed something. Let them talk, tell their side. Hold back on passing judgment.
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Let them explain. God has given us two ears and one mouth, and we should act proportionately.
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I think you got that one, right? Let them work it out. Engage them lovingly. When we do that, when we listen, the results of that is, one, we'll get the facts, maybe from their perspective, of course, and we can get the other side sometime.
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Two, our heart will be more engaged. There are times when I am listening to somebody that I am fighting back the tears.
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Whether on the phone or whether I'm dealing with them in person, my heart is just entering into it. I'm becoming broken.
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And you know what? It's okay if you cry too when you're dealing with somebody because you're broken for them, and that's good.
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We need not manufactured or fake, but our heart is really broken over them.
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We're responding in love. It also shows them that you care. Again, they will trust you. And the plus side of it is, you know, if you're speaking to somebody and you let them talk and they work it out and you just bring
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Scripture up, you know what happens sometimes? They work it right through. They see what it is that they need to do, where they're wrong, how they, oh,
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I didn't understand that I was, oh, yes, that's sinful. Oh, God help me.
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You know what? I'm going to go to the Lord and I'm going to ask him to forgive me, and then they go on and they're changed.
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And then after we've prayed, as we confront based upon impression, not conclusion, as we're listening to them, then we need to inform.
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We need to speak freely, truthfully, and with unreserved sincerity.
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We need to be super sincere in our hearts and come with a loving spirit and deal with the issue.
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Bring the Bible to bear on the subject. Think through how they can grow through this. How can they be delivered from this and go and grow on and mature in the
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Lord? And you would study a certain passage of Scripture you find on what the need is that needs to be addressed.
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If the subject is pride, then deal with verses with humility. If it's being miserly, generosity.
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If they're having a problem with anger or hatred, love. If it's anger, control, and so on.
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And then as you're speaking to them, you're going to need to have them come to the place where they realize the issue that you've confronted them with.
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They know that they need to confess it to the Lord, but then there are steps that they have to take. There are the
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Zacchaeus steps. He's robbed other people. He needs to restore fourfold. There is restitution that needs to take place.
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There is going and asking another person forgiveness. And you need to hold the person accountable, giving them some homework, following back up with them, making sure that you stay in touch with them.
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This is not just a slice and dice and you've got it and now it's all up to you, but you're going to lovingly help them through it.
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It may take days. It may take weeks. It could take months. It could take years. But is the
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Lord patient with us? The Lord kind to us? Has the Lord favored us? Has he forgiven us?
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Has he dealt with us for years and maybe some of us for decades? Yes. And we need to be patient and loving and kind with other people.
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And who's going to help each other? Who's going to help in the church but each other, us? We're going to love one another and care for another in this way.
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And talk about some direct action to take. And sometimes it's good to ask the person, what do you think that you need to do?
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What do you need to put into your life? What do you need to take out of your life? Maybe there's a certain thing that they set before themselves or a certain environment that they get into, and they're just making a provision for themselves to fall.
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What are they going to do to get rid of that, to take that out of their lives so that they won't be tempted and they won't go in that direction anymore?
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Help them come to those types of conclusions and then make sure accountability is there.
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And then lastly, of course, always, always, always continue in prayer for this person's heart, for your heart as you're dealing with them, for patience, for long suffering to continue with them because sometimes you're going to come to the place, you say,
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I cannot believe that this is the 105th call about the same subject or this is the 110th situation that they've come up to me in church and they're asking me about the same thing and they're not getting anywhere.
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Well, the Lord has done the same for us. Praise the Lord he has and treat them kindly and in the same way.
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And you're looking and praying for their complete deliverance and recovery and change and restoration, for restored relationships, for them maybe to be saved if you're dealing with someone who isn't, for anger to go away, bitterness to be uprooted and dealt with, for their heartache.
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And some people, I mean really, you know, sometimes you can try to come with, you've got to be really careful, you come with Bible verses, you're all right, you feel great.
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God has got you out on the mountaintop, they're in the deepest valley and you're coming with them with all these pat answers.
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Don't use pat answers, you know. They've lost somebody in their life and they're very depressed or there's been a death in the family and you just come along with some verse and pat them on the back and walk away.
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No, enter in. I love to be able to try to when I'm dealing with people to be allowed into that 18 inches, you know what
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I mean? I mean if someone, just think about after this class when you're talking to people how far away you stand to people.
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But I love to be able to endear myself and to earn somebody's trust to be able to get within that 18 inches and just really, really deal with the person's needs.
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And it's a great blessing. It is something that I believe the Lord has called us to do as we're doing the another's and it's for God's glory.
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And who knows if God could surprise you and that other person with deliverance, with a restoration, with a changed life that more glorifies the
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Lord. And again, periodically follow up with the person. Be thankful to God when he surprises you with his goodness.
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And you know what, as Sister Dottie said, you will even be surprised sometimes for a person, maybe not right away, but maybe years later they'll come back and they'll thank you.
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They'll thank you in God's name for God's grace and mercy to use that person, you, to come and help them.
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And, of course, it all doesn't put a feather in our cap. It brings glory and honor to the
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Lord. Just a couple of verses in closing. Whoever heeds instruction, this is, if somebody, think about this, we could be on the receiving end.
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Somebody might be coming to us to help us. And if you're in there, that situation, if you heed instruction,
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Proverbs 10, 17 says, you are on the path of life. Whoever loves discipline,
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Proverbs 12, 1, loves knowledge. Proverbs 13, 8, you want poverty and disgrace?
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Then ignore instruction. But if a person that heeds reproof is honored, the
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Bible says. Proverbs 15, 31, the ear that listens to life giving reproof will dwell among the wise.
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I love that one. Proverbs 17, 10, a rebuke goes deeper into the man of understanding than a hundred stripes or blows into the fool.
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Proverbs 19, 20, listen to advice and accept instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future.
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And then lastly, Proverbs 25, 12, like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.
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It's valuable. It's precious. And how much more, I mean, think about it.
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What kind of a faithful, cherished, valuable friend or brother and sister in Christ we will be to be used of the
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Lord to get out of our comfort zone, not with a club, not with a desire to, wow,
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I can't wait to just get to church so that I can really slice and dice. That's not the point. But I really want to help a dear brother and sister in Christ.
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And if you're thinking, well, who would I talk to? Well, all you have to do is come to a church services, and all you have to do is just look.
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First, you can see people whose heads are down, who are discouraged. Then look at the people who are crying.
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That's another usually indicator. Then look at a person who is not acting like they usually act. Then if you find out you can't find somebody to minister to in that way, just ask somebody, how are you doing?
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And if they say, okay, no, how are you really doing? And they say, oh, pretty good.
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No, you're not hearing me. How are you really, really doing, my dear brother and sister in Christ?
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And if you're going to ask that question, you've heard me say this 100 times, if you're going to ask that type of question, be prepared for the long haul.
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Be prepared to roll up your sleeves, to have your heart ripped up a little bit, to love them, to sacrifice for them, truly love them, and sacrifice your time and your energy to deal with them, to bring them to the place where their lives will honor and glorify
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Christ. And that's what it's all about. So their lives are changed. So they're restored. But it's going to take this tough thing to do, confronting.
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I'm not saying it's something you have in your pocket, and I'm pulling it out every
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Sunday. It's only when it's needful, right? It's only when it's necessary to act in this type of way with the right spirit, with true sincerity and humility for the glory of Christ.
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Let's pray. Father, we thank you for your mercies towards us and how you've dealt with us.
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And if we consider our own lives, we know that there have been so many times when we cannot believe how faithful you've been to us, to forgive us once and again for our sin.
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Lord, you've put us on the path. You have brought us into your family. You've called us your very own.
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And as we live together in the family of God, as in the church, as we serve and we live together and rub shoulders, we're going to have people that we see that are hurting.
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We're going to see people that are in sin, that are not living up to the word of God.
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They're disobedient. They're dishonoring the Lord. And help us to properly deal with them. Help us to have the right attitude, the right heart, as we lovingly come alongside of them and confront face -to -face what the issue is, but in a proper way, as you have dealt with us in kindness, as you have dealt with us in sincerity and understanding and great care.
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And when their lives are changed, not unto us, O Lord, be the glory, but unto you.