Proper Biblical Confrontation - [Luke 17:3-4]

Our Father in Heaven, we do thank You for the wonder of Your person. We are in awe of You this morning. We bow before You. We, as the psalmists, would lift up our souls unto You and give You thanks. We give You praise for Your kindness to us.

We are in awe of Your mercies toward us, how You keep on forgiving us, even with all of our sins. You love us, You forgive us, You cleanse us, and You keep us as Your very own. We're blessed, a blessed people.

And when we consider the unspeakable gift of Your Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, we can only lift up our souls in grateful praise. So this morning we come to You and we ask that You'd help us, teach us, Lord, even when it comes to this subject of dealing with our brother and sister or dealing with someone with some type of issue in their life, help us, O Lord God, to do it biblically, help us to do it with the right motive, with the right spirit, with the right heart, attitude.

Lord, may You get all the praise and glory as You teach us. In Jesus' name, amen. If you would open your Bibles to Luke 17, I just want to start this off with a couple of verses from Luke 17. Again, the title, Proper Biblical Confrontation or Proper Biblical Rebuking.

And I am not advocating this morning that this become your mission in life or this become your primary emphasis. You know, I have, Brother Dave, I just found out, don't go away from Sunday school class this morning thinking, I just came away with the insight that I have the spiritual gift of rebuking.

No, that would be the wrong attitude. But if you think this way, if you are a believer in Christ, it's not if, you will at some point in your life be speaking to somebody or need to deal with somebody, whether in your family or outside of your family, and you are going to need to confront some type of issue.

It could be sin. It's a shortcoming. It could be something that you see in someone's life and you are going to have to deal with it, and there is a proper way to do that. But notice the words of our Lord in Luke 17, in verse 3, Luke 17, 3, where Jesus says, Be on your guard, or your translation may say, take heed to yourselves.

Be on your guard. If your brother sins or if your brother trespasses against you, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins or trespasses against thee seven times in a day and seven times in a day turns again to you, saying, I repent, you shall forgive him.

So you see here that we are admonished of the Lord to confront. We are admonished to rebuke, to admonish strongly. Rebuke has the idea of reproving with words so as to correct someone. It has the idea of expressing a sharp disapproval or a reprimand.

And when you think of confronting somebody, it's kind of like this, it's a face-to-face situation. You are facing a person with their error, or you are facing a person with their sin. And it's for the purpose of dealing with that issue, and hopefully the desire is that the person comes out of it or is delivered from it, that there is a life change.

That's what it's all about. It's not to prove how great biblically we are, that we can swing the Bible at them and chop away and do some business. That's not the idea here. The idea is to be a help to other people.

And notice some of the verses that I put at the top of the page. Proverbs 25 verse 7, Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed, or secret love it might say in your translation. Better is open rebuke than secret love or love that's concealed.

I think it was in one of the commentaries I looked at, but it said that expressed love is better than suppressed love. Expressed love is better than love that's covered up. Even if that love comes by way of a wise and loving rebuke and criticism and confrontation, it's still good to do it.

It's better than covering things or not dealing with things and saying, oh, I love the person, but not dealing with them. How about the second verse, Proverbs 27 verse 6? And I love this. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend. I think I may have mentioned recently that I started reading Pilgrim's Progress again, and I just remember Pilgrim's, Christian's friends, and one of them is faithful and the other one is helpful, I believe, is his other friend.

But the conversations that they had and the way that they would iron, sharpen iron and help each other, and when you really want to help someone, I mean, it is our duty to deal with issues straightforwardly, and if we do it, we're proving ourselves to be faithful.

I'll give you something out of, this is Charles Bridges' commentary on Proverbs. Listen to what he says about a person, the type of friend, who would confront their brother or sister in Christ and try to help them.

Listen how he describes them. What is the friend who will be a real blessing to my soul? Is it one that will humor my fancies and flatter my vanity? Is it enough that he loves my person and would spend his time and energies in my service?

This comes far short of my requirement. I am a poor, straying sinner with a wayward will and a blinded heart going wrong at every step. But the friend for my case is one who will watch over me with open rebuke.

My friend will be one who will watch over me, faithful, caring for me, not letting me go. Not letting me go in a wayward way, the way that I would, sometimes we, I mean, we see the issues in others' lives more than we see it or easier than we see it in ourselves, don't we?

We use a microscope when we look at other people's faults, but we use a telescope when we look at our own. They seem so far away, so small, so insignificant, but they are big. And we'll get into that when we look at Matthew chapter 7.

But he says the friend for my case is one who will watch over me with open rebuke and be a reprover when needful. Not always, but when it's needed, when it's appropriate, when it's needful and he will not be a flatterer.

The genuineness of friendship without this mark is more than doubtful. Its usefulness is utterly paralyzed. That secret love that dares not risk a faithful wound and spares rebuke rather than inflicts pain judged by God's standard is hatred.

And he quotes Leviticus 19, 17. And you can look in there, it says when you're dealing with your neighbor, what you need to do, there are times when you need to rebuke them. And if you don't, you're not showing them that you love them.

Far better the wound should be probed than covered. It's true when it comes to the physical wounds or boils or things that happen. Sometimes they need to be opened, they need to be cleansed, they need to be taken care of rather than just put a band-aid on them and let them get worse.

Rebuke, notice how he describes how it should be. Rebuke, kindly, considerably, and prayerfully administered, cements friendships rather than loosens them. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.

Notice the next verse in Proverbs 28 up at the top. He who rebukes a man will afterwards find more favor than he who flatters with the tongue. Because when you flatter with the tongue, I mean, you're really being genuine.

Think about it. When a person's flattering another person, why are they flattering? Who's it all about? Somebody tell me. Why is one person, when one person A, when A flatters B, what is A looking for?

Approval, what would somebody else say? Do you want something back? Right? Right? You know? Oh, how great you are and how wonderful you do your job or, you know, go to the boss's office. Oh, boss. You know, I mean, well, if you remember I said it's true rebuke and all these words, it's got to be genuine.

Okay, it's got to be genuine. Most folks, when you flatter, it could be genuine flattering, but you're not showing the true expression of your heart when you're flattering. It's about you. It's about the person.

But when you rebuke someone and you do it properly or when you confront somebody and you go to them, it is for their well-being. You're really wanting to be a faithful friend. You're really, really desiring for them to go from the place where they are in the sinful state, in the state where they're apathetic, they're disengaged, their heart is cold, their relationships are sour, their marriage is on the brink, their relationship with their kids is falling apart.

And you see it. If you're a friend and you're going to be a faithful friend, you're going to go in and it's going to be as if it's taking a scapel and cutting and opening up and there's going to be wounds.

And it's going to hurt that person, but it's going to hurt in a way that is good because it's going to bring the true healing, the true restoration, the true change that they need in their life. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but in that person who rebukes a man will afterwards find more favor than one who flatters with the tongue.

Finding more favor. Remember, if you deal with someone in an honest and reputable and caring and truthful way, even though it appears to be what? Does it appear to be positive or negative on the surface?

It appears to be negative, doesn't it? You're coming to me and you're face-to-facing me. You're confronting me with something in my life and it seems to be negative, but it will result in blessing. It will result in favor.

It's much better than smoozing, if you know what I mean, flattering, than letting things go or being puffed up in flattery. And that's all you're going to do for the person. You're not really going to help them in their need.

I remember one time Deb and I were at a church, one of the first churches we were ever at after the Lord saved us in Texas. And there was a need that we had to find a place to rent. And we checked around and we first started in the church.

And we found that there was a woman in the church who had a place for rent. And we went and approached the person and said, you know, we would love to be able to try to move in. And we did. And we thought, you know, this person had been in the church for many, many years.

And we rented and we ran into all kinds of problems. There were some character issues. There were some attitude issues. There was some lack of spiritual fruit in this person's life. And really it all came down to the fact that this person was a so-called pillar in the church, a founding member, but had never been dealt with, concerning some of the issues that were in that person's life.

And if someone had lovingly dealt with her, Deb and I would have been spared. We went through the wringer. We were out of the house not too long after. I mean, we lived there for a period of time. But we did that whole house over.

We painted and wallpapered and did all this stuff. I mean, we were just gung-ho, ready to move in and live there. And just over time we found out there were just too many issues, and it just wasn't going to work out.

And we had to move. But if somebody had been faithful to her, if somebody had tried to help her and deal with her, maybe she would have changed. And it would have been to the point where these sinful patterns and habits that she had had in her life would have been dealt with, and she herself would have been where she needed to be and more obedient and more glorifying to the Lord.

And other people would be spared too. And that's what's critical in the church. We are to one another, each other, right, to love one another, to care for one another, to pray for one another. And even in the Scriptures, I mean, I'll give you a couple more if you're interested, those that are taking notes.

In 2 Timothy 4, we could turn there if you'd like, because we'll go there and then we'll go right to Galatians 1. In 2 Timothy, in chapter 4, we have this principle. I mean, this is the verse that we all know about preaching the Word of God, how important it is for us as leaders in the church, as men in the church, to preach the Word.

And, of course, this instruction is primarily to those that are in ministry, but there's a practical application here for any believer. It says in 2 Timothy 4, verse 2, Preach the Word, I'm reading from the King James, Be instant in season, out of season.

And then it says, Reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. So this principle is here that there are going to be times when we do need to point out sin in people's lives. That's the reproving.

And we need to rebuke people or express our disapproval for something that's going on in their lives. It's an in-the-face confrontation, expressing disappointment, disapproval. This is not right. You're not heading in the right direction.

And you need to turn. You need to make a change. You've got to look at what God's Word says. And you can't continue this way because this is dishonoring to the Lord. You're living a life in a pattern that doesn't fit the gospel, the life that is to be changed by the grace of God.

And we need to do that as believers. We saw in Luke chapter 17 that we're to do that for our brother when they come. And if they repent, and that's what we're looking for, right? We desire for them to have a heart change, a life change, an attitude change to where they're going to turn and go in the right direction.

Their life is upside down. It's going to be flipped right side up. And they're going to honor the Lord in that way. Now turn with me now to Galatians chapter 6. And you can just hold your Bible open there.

I'm not going to speak to that verse just right now because I want to do some other points here from the notes so that we can work our way down this sheet. Now the extremes of our day, you notice on the sheet, the extremes of our day.

How do people think when they think, oh, boy, I've got to rebuke someone. I've got to face somebody. I've got to show my disapproval. And I need to show it with words. And did you notice in 2 Timothy 4, it says that you're to do that with what?

With long-suffering, suffering long, with patience with people, not to be short-fused, but to be long-fused with people, to give them in the way like a firecracker. Give them space. Give the long fuse on it so that you're not a person who's like, you know, you've got to jump.

You've got to do this really quick. You've got to have it done now. And it's got to be on my schedule. You've just got to love them enough to be patient with them. But the extremes of our day, many times, as you'll see the first bullet there, pound them with the Bible club.

No mercy. No love demonstrated. Let them have it. Full bore. Bang. Away with it. I got you. And then the next thing I put, slice and dice. You know, really let them have it. Just chop them up. And, you know, we smile and we laugh, but there have been times when we may have done this.

We haven't been patient. We haven't really demonstrated love. We haven't come to the person with the right attitude. What is missing when we're doing this? What is missing? Love is missing, right? Compassion is missing.

What's another aspect? I know somebody will get it. Bruce? All right. Yeah, you know, we consider ourselves. And when we consider ourselves first, we say, you know, there go I, but by the grace of God.

Or I remember the day when I was caught in that sin, when that consumed me, or it controlled me. I was in the same boat, and God delivered me from that. And he loved me, and he delivered me, and he was patient with me, and I ought to be the same with this dear brother or sister.

And when you think that way, what does that cause us to do? We get in the right frame of mind. We get in the right attitude, and we humble ourselves, don't we? Humility. You've got to go into this with love and compassion and humility.

Then the other extreme then, and this is what I think is more prevalent. You'll have a few people that will be the slicers and dicers, the Bible clubbers, bangers away. But most of the time, and in most churches with most people, just don't do anything.

I mean, you remember, judge not that you be not judged. You know, you can't judge people. And before we look at Galatians, just hold your hand there and take a look at Matthew 7, if you would with me.

I mean, we hear that all the time. That's why we're not going to do it. We're going to love people, and we're just going to let it go. I mean, how loving is that? You see a little child reaching towards the fire in the fireplace.

Stick their hand there. A toy ball or something rolls into the fireplace, and they're going to reach in there. Well, I'm just going to love them. They're going to get their ball back. No, we're going to smash them up, right?

We're going to protect them because we care for them. We know they're going to get hurt. And the same with a person who is in a pattern of life, sinful pattern, and they need the help. They need to be confronted.

In Matthew 7, Jesus says, Judge not that you be not judged. Yeah, that's right. It's there. But it doesn't stop there, right? It continues to go on. For with what judgment you judge, you shall be judged.

And with what measure you meet, it shall be measured to you again. And why do you behold the mote or the speck that is in your brother's eye, but you do not consider the beam or the plank that is in your own eye?

And how will you say to your brother, let me pull out the mote or the speck out of thine eye, and behold a beam or the large piece of squared timber is in your own eye? And so as Bruce said, we need to consider ourselves.

But it doesn't say here, Jesus doesn't say, don't do anything, right? He doesn't say that. He says, you need to do this. You are going to. Notice in verse 5, you hypocrite, first cast the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to do something.

Not just to sit back, not just to disengage, but the ultimate aim, yes, is to go take the speck out of your brother's eye. You're going to do that. You're going to help him. Jesus is not saying you don't do it.

He's not saying don't do it at all. He's dealing with how you do it. And don't do it. And the whole idea as far as judging, and that is what I've talked about with the Bible club or the slicing and dicing, is having a critical and a harsh spirit.

It is passing judgment on people beforehand. It is not giving any benefit of the doubt. You might not even know the whole story, but you've already passed the judgment. You are critical. You are harsh.

You're always just looking to get somebody. And if you're getting ready to rebuke someone or confront someone at any moment, and you think that you will enjoy it, your heart is not right because it's not easy.

Even when you do it, it's not easy to do. It's necessary, but it's not easy to do. Dottie, did you have a question? Yeah. Was it easy to do? Were you a little bit nervous? Butterflies in the stomach? Yeah?

Amen. Because you're doing the right thing. You're obeying the Word. And here in Matthew 7, it doesn't say don't pluck the speck out of their eye. So you're going to do that. But first, examine yourself, look at yourself, humble yourself, confess your own sin, deal with what's in your own life first, and then go with the right attitude, not being harsh.

There go I but by the grace of God. I'm a sinner the same as this person. God has graced me, favored me, and delivered me, and now I want to help them. And it's remarkable. I mean, is a person going to thank you if they're in their car with their family and they're rolling up to a railroad track and they don't see the train coming?

Are they going to thank you for letting them go or are they going to thank you for warning them and helping them? Certainly, they are going to thank you for helping them and for restoring them in these types of situations, for lightening their burden, for putting them back on the path, by God's wisdom that God gives you.

But it's going to take this deep breath, it's going to take this prayer, this attitude of casting yourself upon the mercies of the Lord and being dependent upon God but doing something, confronting and going to them.

And here, you know, sometimes we hear and read these types of verses that says we are to rebuke, we are to confront, we are to pull the speck out of our brother's eye. But then how do we do this? And this next section of the sheet is not going to be fully conclusive, it's not going to be the only way that this can be done, but I hope to give you some practical tips here that you can take that will spiritually help you to be prepared and will also give you some hands-on practical things and examples of how to say things when you're talking to people because sometimes we just don't do it right.

We know that when we've been blasted, right? Anybody in here been blasted? You know, somebody's come up to you and really let you have it. Now, their desire was probably for your good. They just didn't know what to do or how to handle it and they did it the best way that they could.

But we can learn how to better do it, right, how to do it with the right attitude. And the first thing I've put here is that confronting is a sign of love, it's a sign of commitment. Rather than enjoying this, we should be broken over the person's condition, sad for them, their life may be a mess, and God is being dishonored if they're a believer.

And it's no time to be a crusader wielding a sword that does not have any love of the proper spiritual good biblical attitude behind it. First thing on the list that we need to do is we need to pray. We don't just charge in, but we need to pray.

And we need to, as we're praying, one of the things that we need to do is we need to consider our own heart. Now we're in Galatians 6, and you'll notice verse 1. Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness.

And I think that, was that the verse that you alluded to, Bruce, you were thinking of, you know, restoration with a spirit of gentleness, coming with care. This is a bruised reed, a smoking flax. This is someone who's broken, and if you come on hard, and if you come on with the sword, you may not be able to help them.

You're just going to totally squash them where they are, and we need to come with gentleness and loving them. And it says here in Galatians 6, 1, each one looking to yourselves so that you too will not be tempted.

We need to pray as we're entering into this that we will not be tempted, because we are in danger when we enter into dealing with other people's sin, we are in danger of being tainted by that. We are in danger of being tempted towards it, or letting it go, or looking over it, or treating it lightly, or it's not so bad, but it really is.

We are tempted ourselves maybe to be drawn in. If we're not examined, if we're not prayed up, if we're not strengthened, if we're not walking with the Lord. Did you notice who is supposed to go and help the person?

Does it say the person who's carnal, the person who's fleshly, the person who is wayward, the person who is just kind of checked out and not engaged spiritually? No, it's the spiritual. And certainly we want to go and make sure that we are able to deal with the situation that is with this person, because we are in the right frame of mind, and we've confessed our own sins.

We've thanked the Lord for deliverance maybe in the same area. We want to go in, God protect me, protect my mind, and protect my heart. I don't want to be puffed up with pride, because I think you could be tempted to pride as you're dealing with somebody, because I'm better off than you are, and I'm better than you because I already took care of this one.

What's up with you, you wimpy Christian? Get it together. We could be tempted with a blind spot that is in our own lives. We could get pulled in, and this is a time for humility, for carefulness, a time to be circumspect and not to be caught up or trapped up in a fall ourselves.

So we pray for that. And then secondly, I put here, we pray for God to give us wisdom. If any of you lacks wisdom, James 1 .5 says, pray to God. He gives it liberally. And as our sister Dottie said, God graced her, and I'm sure God gave her wisdom.

And God gave her the words, gracious words to speak to a person. And our words should be seasoned with salt. Our words should be edifying, building up. They're encouraging, and it's not for our benefit.

It's for the glory of Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior. And our desire is to deal with the person in such a way to call them, to call them back to obedience to the Word of God, to call them to walk properly before the Lord.

Peggy, question? You can do both. Well, at times you may have to do that. If you have somebody who is not a believer, maybe they're coming to the church and they do something that's sinful, there's something that's wrong, you can deal with that, certainly.

You can call them to it. But, of course, what are you going to call them to? Sanctification? You're going to call them to walk as a Christian? You're going to call them to Christ. You're going to point them to the cross.

Right. You're going to show them that they're sinful before God and call them to repent of their sin and believe upon the Lord Jesus Christ to be saved. Certainly, yeah, you can do that. And parents do that with their children.

They confront them. Their children who aren't saved, they do that. So you pray for the Lord to give you wisdom. Because when it comes to dealing with situations, we may not know the whole story. We might be like the NFL official on the football field, and he sees something happen, and he throws the flag, and then everybody starts scuffling and complaining because he didn't see the thing that happened before that second.

He only saw the secondary offense, but he didn't see the first one. And we might be entering into it, and we don't have all the facts. We don't know what really happened. And there's always two sides to what?

To every story. Right. If you're dealing with one person, that's only that side of the story. And we need to make sure that we not only get that, but we also, before we pass any judgment, before we even think about maybe the course of action to take, what this person needs to do, we need to go talk to the other party.

And sometimes it's even the best to pull both together. But in here, I'm mainly dealing with how we talk to one person. And then, of course, certainly, the third bullet here, we pray for the Lord to turn their heart, to grant repentance, grant an enabling to change.

In 2 Timothy 2, 24 to 26, there is just the principle of dealing with a person that God would perhaps grant them repentance so that they could be delivered out of the snare of the devil, captured by him for his will.

And that's certainly for the lost people, but there's a principle there that we still are looking for the Lord to work in a person's life. Again, we're yearning for their restoration, for their deliverance, for a drastic change to bring them back to obedience to God's word.

And we need to be dependent upon the Lord and pray and ask God before we go talk to anybody. And then secondly, the second point here, not only do we pray, but then we confront. We actually, if you look in Galatians 2, let me ask you if this sounds like a confrontation.

Galatians 2, verse 11. We're in the same book. Just turn back to chapter 2. Galatians 2, 11. This is Paul speaking. Galatians 2, 11. When Peter was come back to Antioch, I withstood him or I opposed him to the face.

I think it tells us right out of the gate what happened here. This is a confrontation. Paul withstood Peter to the face because he was to be blamed. For before that certain came from James, he did eat with the Gentiles.

But when they were come, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing them which were of the circumcision. And the other Jews dissembled, verse 13, likewise with him, insomuch that Barnabas also was carried away with their dissimulation.

And when I saw that, they walked not uprightly according to the truth of the gospel. And that's the whole point. Paul wanted to make sure that every believer walked according to the truth of the gospel.

Not Paul's standards, not according to Paul's dictates, but according to the truth of the gospel. He said, I said unto Peter before them all, if you being a Jew live as after the manner of the Gentiles and not as do the Jews, why do you compel the Gentiles to live as the Jews do?

And simply what had happened was, is Peter was sitting at a table with a bunch of Gentiles, eating with them. And some Jews came in the door. And Peter got up from the table and went over and left the Gentiles there and went over to cling and to associate himself with the Jews that had come in.

When he did that, it was unloving. When he did that, it showed prejudice. When he did that, it showed favoritism. And Paul found out about it. Paul knew about it. And Paul didn't let it go. Because what had happened was, is that Barnabas did the same thing.

He caused somebody else to stumble. And that's what happens when someone stumbles. In the church particularly, other people can follow suit. So the idea is to help the person to understand, according to the truth, Paul, Peter, you did wrong, Paul is telling him.

And he confronted him right to his face. And he did it right openly before all the people because it needed to be stopped. It was unkind, uncharitable. It was prejudice. And it showed favoritism. And Paul dealt with it.

He confronted him. But when you confront, it's not the ripping off of heads, but it's showing compassion, pity, love, desiring the person's good. Well, good. It's treating people like the Lord Jesus treats people.

Now sometimes, like in this case here in Galatians 2, you see it with your eyes. There's no ambiguity. It's not unclouded. It's not secondhand. You see it, and you deal with it straight on. But sometimes you're getting you might not know, again, all the story, or you might get it secondhand.

You might find out one of the elders in the church may come to you and say here's a person who has an issue. Would you please go talk to them? It's something that we'd like for you to deal with. Maybe it would be more preferable for one of the ladies to deal with one of the ladies in the church and not one of the elders.

So we'll ask. Or it might be a younger person. We'll ask somebody to go talk to them. When that happens, you don't have completely all the facts, and maybe the elders or the leaders don't have all the facts, and you need to be very careful.

And that's why I put this second part in here. And, again, this part here and some of this outline I had gotten from one of our professors at Southern in Northbrook, Tim Bucher, who taught us last semester.

And he said when you're speaking to people, it's good to speak on the basis of impression and not conclusion. And I'm going to show you the difference between these two. When you deal with the basis of conclusion, and I've kind of already dealt with this, you are taking on the role as judge and jury.

You pronounce the person guilty, and you blast them. That's conclusion. And the result of that is that they get defensive. Walls come up. And we, again, need to be careful because we may not have the whole story.

And here are some examples. I just put some examples together of the difference between, well, maybe I should do them after. I'll explain expression and then do the examples. So, like, in this case, I'll give you just one quick example.

You don't say something like, well, if you were doing it based on conclusion, this is how you would do it. God showed me that you are a filthy sinner. And God sent me, like he sent Nathan to David, to point the finger at you.

You were wrong. You need to repent. You need to do something. I know you're wrong. Get with it. Something like that. That's conclusion. You're the judge. You're the jury. Pass sentence. It's over. But on the other hand, with impression, it's because you want to be careful, because you want to be long-suffering, because you want to get the real story, because you really want the person to be helped, you use words like, it appears to be happening this way or that way, and your words or actions seem to be coming across like this.

And you ask them to explain. You're looking for more facts. You're looking for more information. You don't rush to conclusions. You make 100 sure that you have a good grip on the subject of the issue.