WWUTT 840 Q&A Submissive Wives, Christmas Myths, Wearing Pants, MacArthur's Session?

Introduction and Listener Questions

How does a wife submit to a husband who just won't lead? Can a Christian woman wear pants instead of a long skirt? And what was with that thing John MacArthur said to that guy? The answers to these questions when we Understand the Text.

This is When we Understand the Text, a daily Bible commentary that we may encourage your time in the Word to become strong men and women of God in the midst of a depraved generation. For all our resources, visit our website at www .tt .com.

Here once again is Pastor Gabe. Thank you, Becky.

You're welcome. And speaking of resources, I actually just added something new to the website this week. Right at the top of the links page. So if you go to www .tt .com and you click on links, the very first thing on that list is now a church search.

Oh, wonderful. So there's a list of... Helpful. There's at least three sites on there right now. And I can add more later if there are others that know, hey, this is a good church website to do a search for sound doctrinal expository churches.

That is awesome. So that resource is now on our website. And the first place that I would tell you to go, by the way, first ministry that I would encourage you to utilize to find a good doctrinally sound church is Founders Ministries website.

And I think it's founders .org. I think it's the website. So they've got a church search on there. And those churches that subscribe to that directory, they have to fill out a form and you have to ascribe to one of the statements of faith that is a historical Baptist statement of faith.

Oh, that's nice. So now, of course, yeah, that resource is going to be Baptist, but that's still the first place that I would send you to. Of course, because I'm Baptist. We've got quite a few messages to get to today.

We should just jump right into it here and forego our usual seven or eight minute banter at the very beginning. Oh, they're going to miss out. Everybody's missing out. So this is a handwritten letter.

And we did not get this person's name. I do have a location on the envelope as to where it came from. But this person apparently wants anonymity, anonymity. So out of respect to this individual, I won't mention the name or where it came from, even the initial that she puts in here.

But this is neat, a rare thing for us to get a handwritten letter like this. Oh, yeah. Pastor Gabe, the Bible makes clear we aren't meant to walk this life alone. Yet daily, year after year, I beg God for a friend and continue to walk alone.

My husband professes but wants nothing to do with serving or Bible studies or prayer or anything else. We go to church on Sunday and he races for the door and is angered if I take too long talking. I'm only allowed five minutes.

I am to bow to my husband's authority, which means my life is consumed by work and loneliness. Prior to marrying, my evenings were spent reading or streaming sermons, and now they are consumed by DVDs of Hallmark sap or old TV series, empty blah to fill my head instead of God's word.

My husband is not the man I dated. He was a lie. He never really existed. My church has no midweek service and is very rule. So when there is something at night, I can rarely go because it is so dark here and my eyes can't handle it.

Your podcasts are enjoyed while I work, especially the Q &A episodes. I have never learned how to interact with people and I listen to how you and Becky talk to each other and I try to learn. My childhood was lonely.

My first marriage abusive. Then I was saved and married a supposed believer, but I have real doubt. How do I honor my husband's authority and survive this? I have been told that I can't discuss problems at church or he will quit going.

I believe some see some of the odd things, but nobody really reaches out. Depression seems to be taking over lately and it is not right. How do I have joy? Please, how does one honor God when her husband doesn't permit it?

Please give me some understanding of how to walk that line. I will be listening and hoping for any input. So is there any input that you can offer?

Trials, Joy, and Prayer for a Lonely Wife

Well, I'd say keep praying for a friend, a godly friend, of course. We are supposed to be specific in our prayers. So think about what you would really need to glorify God even more. And pray for that.

Try to be a little bit extra friendly at church because in a rural community, it's tougher because you don't get together during the week. You don't have that neighborly, you know, hey, come on over. You're just a, you know, hop, skip and a jump away.

And, you know, we can bake cookies or whatever during our Hallmark movie. Or anything like that. But, you know, just go ahead and extend an invitation. It doesn't hurt to extend an invitation for the friends at church.

Now, one of her struggles, she says, is difficulty in talking with people. Right.

She does have the five minutes. So use that time very wisely. Okay.

Maybe plot how you're going to use that five minutes. Right. Okay. Think about who you're going to ask.

And then go up to that person and say, you know, if they're chatting, just say, excuse me, I just have a quick second to ask you something and then invite them over or get their number and talk with them later.

There's no, there's nothing against, you know, calling somebody up and or texting. Depends on what you prefer. Mine, it's easier to text me than it is to call just because of all the interruptions. Yeah, sure.

Let's see. Giving glory to God, just in the fact that you can be at church and he's not hindering you from that, that is wonderful that you get to have that time with the body of Christ and singing up praises.

So finding those small moments.

Yeah, just the small moments that make you happy. Yeah. And cling to those. Yes. Cling to those moments.

So related to that, James 1 says, James 1 to count it all joy. My brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for, you know, that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfast have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing.

Now, this was a passage. We had Bible study in our home on Thursday evening, and we've been going through Job. We go through the same book that we do on Thursday on the podcast. And when we finished up our reading of Job, one of the things that I mentioned was this past week, James 1 verses 2 through 4 came back to mind for me.

And when we read, count it all joy, when you meet trials of various kinds, this does not mean grin and bear it. Right. But that we need to have joy in our hearts knowing that God is going to deliver us out of this and that he is working this ultimately for our good and his glory.

Amen. That doesn't mean, hey, just buck up, it's going to get better. God's doing something good with this. That's not the way that we should respond to that situation because, I mean, life is hard. It's very hard.

Trials are tough. And that's what James says. Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds. Yeah. If it isn't hard, it isn't a trial. Yeah. And he didn't say it's a knee. He said trials. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Tough stuff. I love that he adds various kinds though because it's kind of like the junk drawer of trials. Whatever you can think of, whether it's major or a little minor thing, whatever it is, count it all joy when you face trials like this because you know that this is growing you in your faith.

And so if you know and you can be assured in your heart, according to the promises of God, that he is sovereign and he is working this out ultimately for his glory, then you can rejoice even not knowing what that glory is going to be.

Right. How that's going to work out. Right. For your sanctification, for somebody else's salvation, whatever it might happen to be, yet you continue to put your trust and your faith in God. Philippians 129, for it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ, you should not only believe in him, but also suffer for his sake.

Being a Christian is going to be hard. And I know that this probably is not the best news for you, the person who wrote this letter to us, but it's just an encouragement to you that you would continue to rejoice in God even in the midst of tough circumstances.

Right. So related to your marriage specifically, 1 Peter 3, verse 1. Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives.

When they see your respectful and pure conduct, do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Now, that may frustrate you to hear that advice, to hear that you must submit to your husband who expects you to do that anyway, and yet he does not present himself as a man who is worthy of submitting to.

But nonetheless, couple this with what is said in James 1, that you rejoice in God and that you submit to him first and foremost. You submit unto the Lord. Paul had said like in Colossians and Ephesians, in 1 Timothy and other places, that slaves are to submit to their earthly masters.

Now, considering the stigma that slavery has in our culture, and those are passages, you know, pastors in America don't like preaching through those passages. No, they don't. I approach those passages with no hesitancy, but nonetheless, it still pops in my mind, wow, I'm about to talk about slavery here.

Slaves submitting to earthly masters and what kind of, you know...

Explanation for the slavery... Right.

How many people are going to go, well, this is a different kind of slavery, not like Civil War era slavery, so on and so forth. But the point in Colossians 3 in particular is that we work first for God before we work for anyone else.

So the work that you do, you do heartily as unto the Lord and not to men.

Which means you're not grumbling or complaining, which is very tough to do whenever you're becoming depressed. And also, in that passage about the wives, don't look at that as, I don't need to take care of myself, because that's not what it's saying.

It's just saying, don't take your pride in how you look. Yes, right, right, right.

It's good to look good. I love it when Becky does herself up for me, honestly. I think it's fantastic. So that may be a treat to your husband, to do something like that. But the point being that your beauty is not something that's seen on the outside by the makeup and jewelry and clothing and things like that, but rather that your purity comes from your heart, the way you love God and you obey his commandments.

And let that be the purity that is displayed in the actions that you do. And in so doing, you are daughters of Sarah. And I love how Peter puts that, because we've got places like in Galatians 3, where when we are followers of Jesus Christ, we're children of Abraham.

But Peter specifically talking to wives who are trying to win over unbelieving husbands, he says, you're daughters of Sarah if you do these things as she did for Abraham. So it's such a touching thing from the apostle to personalize it in that way.

Philippians as Encouragement in Suffering

So in your free evenings, what Bible book do you suggest her to go through for encouragement? Or, you know, focus.

Philippians. There you go. And the reason why I pick Philippians is because, remember this, Paul's in jail. He's in prison. And it is the book that is the most filled with rejoice, praise God, give joy, be at peace, be filled with thankfulness.

These are the instructions that permeate Philippians, all four chapters. So he's in prison, and he's been in prison for preaching the gospel. And yet the Philippians have sent to him an offering that they've collected to try to encourage him in his ministry.

So he's under house arrest. People can still come to him, but he can't go anywhere. And the gospel is being proclaimed, and even the palace guard has heard about it, and people are coming to Christ. So Paul is writing to the Philippians to encourage them to say, hey, it's not what you think it is.

Not like I'm languishing and I'm dying here, because God has actually used this trial that I'm going through to have the gospel proclaimed to others, even people in the palace guard. So he is, even in the midst of this circumstance of being under house arrest for preaching the gospel, is still able to praise God and rejoice, even through that trial.

So if Paul can do that there, then how much more encouraged would you feel in reading through that letter and knowing I likewise must rejoice in the midst of my circumstance, knowing that God is creating in me a steadfastness, regardless of whether or not I see what on the other side of this that it's going to be.

So also out of Philippians chapter two, verse 14, well, let me start in verse 12. Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now not only in my presence, but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

For it is God who works in you both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or disputing that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of Christ, so that in the day of Christ, I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.

So in the midst of these circumstances, doing all things without grumbling or disputing, so that you may be blameless and innocent, shining as lights in the world in the midst of a twisted and crooked depraved generation.

Right.

But that also means not to become prideful in, well, I'm doing all of this good stuff. You know, like it's not, we are all sinners. So don't just think that you are all holy and he is not acting like how he should.

And so you're all focused on him. If you're that focused on him, start praying for him, pray for him to grow closer to the Lord, for the Lord to save his soul, for all of that, that is weighing on you of what, where he should be on your mind, start praying for that genuinely.

And then it will open your eyes to see where you can ask for forgiveness too.

Yeah. You likewise asking for forgiveness so that you may be grown in sanctification.

Right. Because whenever somebody does you wrong and is living with you, I mean, that's tough because you see that every day, every day. And so that's when it becomes more important to focus on. Be conformed to the mind of Christ.

Yes.

Thank you. Exactly. So checking her own heart and making sure her motives are right. Right. That she's thinking of her husband the right way. Right. Now I'm going to give you another piece of advice here.

And this one I'm going to be a little bit more careful with than everything else that I've said so far, which even in the handling of the word, I want to be very careful, but here I want to be careful in the way that I give this advice to this.

You're going to have to use a little discernment. Maybe you'll see it as good advice and maybe it's not the advice that you should follow, but I'll leave that up to you after wisdom and prayer deciding what you should do.

Because we don't have all of your circumstances. Yeah, right.

We don't know all the facts, all the situation. Here is the advice I want to give. Weigh this, pray about it, decide how you think you should follow it. Go to church without your husband. Because if you are not convinced that he himself is actually a believer and he is hindering you from growing in what is being preached, taught, being able to develop personal relationships so that you have a friend that you can rely upon, you can't be there for very long.

He wants you to be rushed out the door. So you don't have time to develop those relationships and talk with people. If he's preventing you from developing friendships with those that, you know, are your brothers and sisters in the Lord and your husband is not, then you need to consider going to church without him.

If he's that disconnected from submitting to the teaching authority that is coming from the pulpit or showing love and brotherhood with those who are supposed to be his fellow saints, then he's in his mind and in his heart disconnected himself from the body.

And you thinking that church is good for him, continues to drag him along and you're suffering as a result. If he's not really a believer, don't obligate yourself to have to be in the position of getting him to church.

Maybe he does need to stay home until he can realize that he's not truly a Christian and he's outside the fellowship of God so that it will cause him to repent of his sinfulness. And maybe he is a believer, but he's just so infantile in his faith that you just don't see any evidence of it yet.

And perhaps it's one of those kinds of situations where the evil person must be purged in order for him to realize, now I'm disconnected from the body of Christ and I know I am outside of the grace of God for his people.

Maybe that's the next course of action that you're going to need to take so that you may be able to grow in the way that you're supposed to grow and your husband will feel the remorse that he needs to feel so that he's not under this impression that, I'm safe because at least I go to church, at least I'm there.

And so he's actually made up in his mind an excuse for why he doesn't need to repent of sin or read his Bible or grow in Christ or lead his wife because he goes to church and that's enough. And so you may need to just let him not come, not feel like you have to walk on eggshells just to make sure your husband comes to church, but you may actually just need to let him not go.

That way you can grow those relationships and you can make a better assessment between the faith that you need to test in your own heart and also whether or not your husband is producing fruit and showing evidence of being a follower and a believer in Christ.

How do you feel about that advice?

I feel like it's good advice. I also feel like down the road, there might become a wedge between them, but time will tell.

Right. That's good to see the positives and the negatives of that. Right. Right.

Like it could, I mean, he could repent and come to Christ and that would be wonderful. Right. And that's, I mean, that's what our ultimate hope is, is just that everybody comes to Christ.

And we want to pray for him for that. We want to pray for her and for him. And I even will want to take a moment to do that before we continue on to the program instead of waiting until the end.

I want to make sure to say thank you to the writer for reaching out to somebody because in difficult situations, it's really tough to know where to turn, who to talk to, how to say just enough without not saying everything.

Because when I was going through a really, really rough time, I learned very quickly that I don't give more information than what people ask because they, I mean, I don't know if they just don't care or they just don't want to know, or it's scary.

It's scary when you cross that barrier.

Yeah. Are you saying you shouldn't give more than people ask for, or you're saying I was guarded and I wasn't giving more than people ask for?

I think the people who cared the most are the ones who asked more questions. Okay. Okay. And those were the ones that I could trust. That's what I'm saying. Okay. Because otherwise it becomes so much information.

It wasn't like a platitude, how are you doing? Right. Sort of a thing. It was somebody really was like pushing you, be like, Becky, come on. Open up, tell me, tell me more.

Okay. Tell me more and then try to work it out with me. Yeah. And then we would pray about it. And that was so wonderful. So whenever you were at church and you have that five minutes, go ahead and see who reaches out with the softness of the heart and look for that person who would be open to listening to you and invite that person over.

That's the person I would start with. Since you're not very.

Not personable. Personable. Yeah. Yes. More introverted, not an extrovert. Right. Right.

I have my tendencies both ways. Yeah.

Same with me. I can be an introvert today or I'm ready to jump on top of rooftops and. I know. Shout at everybody. Thank you so much for your letter. And I hope that advice was helpful. We want to take a moment to pray for you right here and also for your husband before we move on to some other emails here.

Okay. Our Lord God, we thank you for the continued grace that you show to us every single day with the gift of your son, Jesus Christ, who died on the cross for our sins and rose again from the grave.

This is not just a gift that was granted 2000 years ago, but it is a reminder of your grace that comes to us every single day that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And I pray that we would not get too haughty or too proud, even to the point that we're withholding our anxieties or thinking that we can deal with them on our own.

But we understand the words of Peter in 1 Peter 5, casting our anxieties upon you because you care for us. There is an individual that wrote to us and you know who she is and you know her by name and you know the struggle that is going on in her heart to find a good friend, to be able to grow with her church, to love her husband in the right way.

And I ask that you continue to give her guidance in her heart. According to your word, that she would know the joy of the Lord, even in the midst of sadness, still being able to rejoice in the promises that she knows have been granted to her by faith in Jesus Christ.

And that you would also work on her husband's heart to turn him from the frozen place that he's in and that he would be thawed out. He would realize his sin. He would see that he's not loving his wife, laying his life down for her the way that he should, that he would become that leader in his home he's supposed to be.

He would feed her the word of God. They would pray together. He would apologize to her. He would be that encouragement and that upbuilding in her life that he is supposed to be so that these two people would become more than just a husband and a wife going through the motions day to day, but that they are also brother and sister in the Lord.

And I pray that her church would recognize some of the things that are going on with her. And it's not just a surface thing or people see that there's something, but they don't want to get involved. Somebody in her church will really reach out, step out to her in love and will show a compassion, a heartfelt compassion toward her with a friend that she's not yet had in the midst of this trial.

Teach us all to continue to rejoice in the midst of all circumstances, knowing that you are growing us in steadfastness in Christ Jesus, who is our hope for our future and our glory. And we pray and ask these things in Jesus name.

Amen. Amen. And yes, okay.

One of the PS. If you're not sure what to invite them over for, coffee is a great start.

Even if you don't drink it, I don't drink coffee, babe.

Get cocoa today or yesterday. Yesterday was national cocoa day. You know, whatever. Just invite them over for a drink of some sort. And, um, and I don't know, go from there.

How do you know that yesterday was national cocoa day? Uh, Twitter. Oh, okay. It's a day for everything. Yeah. You know, I used to work with somebody who actually had a calendar in their office. Love one of those.

But it was, it was just loaded with stuff. Oh, I know. Like every day had seven or eight things that it was supposed to be. Except for my birthday.

Then it's like two awkward things. It's like, yeah, right.

I know. Yeah. The day that I was born on something ridiculous. I can't even do like drink coffee. Yeah. So, uh, Joanne next email. Hi, Pastor Gabe. I always enjoy your podcasts and videos. All very helpful to me right now.

I am especially interested in the 25 Christmas myths, but I cannot find them. I want them all right now. I see a mention of a book that you wrote by the same title, but I can't locate it. Please let me know how to obtain the book.

Merry Christmas to you and to your family. I was supposed to be done with this before Thanksgiving and I'm still not done with it yet. No, I, I don't know why. I don't know why I'm not done with this yet, but I'm just not.

I'm hoping that it will be this weekend and I can finally be done with it.

You're gonna, you're, you're pretty busy jam packed this weekend. I know. I know I've got a lot going on. Nobody's more aware of that than I am. Yeah. I'm pretty tired. Yeah. It'll be soon. Yeah, it will be.

Cause I mean, it's like the finalizing kind of. Right.

So it's close. You won't get the print version before Christmas. You will get the ebook version before Christmas. Before next Christmas. Yes. There you go. You'll have it before Christmas 2019. I will have copies of it at G3, but unfortunately I was not, I'm not going to be able to get the print done before Christmas.

You'll still be able to order it before then, but you're just not going to receive it until after Christmas is over. That's okay. I mean, I'm the kind of person that likes this kind of stuff, regardless of what season it is.

So I hope you'll still enjoy it anyway. Every lesson that's in there, 25 Christmas myths, every lesson has the gospel in it. So you're going to have a gospel filled book of how the Christmas story points to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Cause of course it does. Of course. But, but that's just to say, right. That's just to say you'll still be fed by it anyway, especially, especially if you're the kind of person that thinks that Christians should not be celebrating Christmas anyway.

Well, then you have no excuse not to read it in January, right? Because you're not celebrating Christmas. That's right. And you could, you could buy it for your friends that celebrate Epiphany.

Yes, you could.

You'll have it by then. You just won't have it by December 25th. See, see if I was writing for Epiphany, which isn't that that's January 9th. Is that the date? Yeah. Somewhere around there. Yeah. Hang on.

I'm going to type this in. When is Epiphany? It's not in the Bible. So I don't have to understand the text on this date. January 6th, Sunday, January 6th. Okay.

That's when Epiphany is. That is actually the date I was going to say. So all right.

There you go. If I was going by Epiphany, I would only have six Christmas myths I would have to write on instead of 25. Well, because I went by Christmas day, December 25th, I loaded myself up with 25 Christmas.

Myths, which is why it's not done yet. Right.

Right. But thank you for your interest, Joanne. Yes. And your excitedness. Yes. I've enjoyed writing it, even though I mean, it's kind of in like the grueling work sort of phase, but I've nonetheless enjoyed writing it.

And you can hear two more Christmas myths on the podcast this Saturday. Tomorrow. That's right. Tomorrow. What am I up to now? I've done three and four. Five and six Christmas myths, five and six this coming Saturday.

All right. Where did my emails go? I minimized my screen here. Here we go. OK, this is Tommy. Hey, here's another one for you. All right. So I just found out about your YouTube channel, and I just want to say thank you for what you are doing and helping people understand the text.

So my question is, is it wrong for women to wear pants? It comes from the passage where it says that women should not wear men's clothing, which is funny because in those days, pants weren't even invented.

Thank you for what you do and God bless. OK, I want to let you think about your answer to that question. I'm going to share a story first before I come to you and find out what your response to this is going to be.

All right. Unless you're ready to go. Are you biting your tongue right now? I am. OK, so here's a story to share. First, we had a woman that came to our church one time and after I had finished preaching and I go to the back and I'm shaking hands with people as they're coming out, you know, she comes up to me, shakes my hand and she says to me, do you let your women in church wear pants?

And and immediately I didn't quite understand what she was asking. So my immediate answer was, we prefer it. And and then she kind of looked embarrassed by that. And then I was like, oh, oh, oh, OK, wait, wait, wait.

I get what you're saying. So you came from a church where women were required to wear long skirts. And she said, right. That's OK. So you're asking if we let women here wear pants. She said, right, that was my question.

And she was even she was even an introvert. So I know that she was thoroughly embarrassed by my answer. But anyway, so that was my that was my experience with somebody having come from one of those independent fundamentalist churches and concerned that that she was going to be judged if she wore pants to church on a particular Sunday.

So what is your response to this?

I get this email from Tommy. So my response is, is that there is still a women's section and there is still a men's section. OK, and the women's section, yes, has pants, but the men usually don't wear that.

Well, I don't know anymore. They're selling skinny jeans in the men's section, too.

So, yeah. And you see that on Babylon Bee all the time. Yes, yes. Jaws of life needed to help get worship leader out of his skinny jeans. That's so funny.

Sad because sometimes that's true. But anyway, so I. OK, in Kansas, you just it's not practical to wear a skirt. It's really not. The wind is just crazy. So no, pants are preferred.

Yeah, and it's not a little bit warmer, especially especially the wind in Kansas. The name Kansas literally means people of the south wind. So it gets it gets rather windy here. Yes. And some days, yeah, the pants are better than better than the dress.

Probably a better idea, right? Then to then to do the dress, I have seen some faux pas happen in Kansas because somebody wore a dress on that day and probably should not have. So pretty common here.

It's like the hair pulled back everything. It's it's just it's too windy. But anyway, that's beside the point.

In the Bible, it says that women should dress modestly. Likewise, women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel with modesty and self control. We also read this a little bit from First Peter, Chapter three, a moment ago.

She should not dress with braided hair or gold or jewels or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness with good works. So dress modestly, not to call attention to yourself.

Now, even though you're dress, you're shopping in the men's section and you're shopping in the women's section, there's still some things there in the women's section. That's not appropriate. You probably shouldn't be wearing, right?

Yeah. Avoid. Yes. Mark and avoid. Now, now it always comes about every time. Mark and avoid. Don't don't help it. Don't mark to get yourself in trouble. No, it's just a mental mark. You're not coming in there like PETA throwing paint on the first, you know, stuff like that.