Is My Insecurity Prideful?

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Alright, Tim, the question for today's episode is, is my insecurity prideful? Definitely, man.

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It's prideful. Definitely. No qualifications given. Just so we're clear, we're not talking about my insecurity.

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I'm not insecure at all. Keep telling yourself that. I was actually answering for you.

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You were answering for me? This is actually just an episode applied to me. I thought you were asking, are you prideful?

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Am I prideful? Well, I have my moments where I certainly am, but I don't know that it's necessarily always coming from an insecurity.

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But okay, so the conversation for today is about insecurity. I think probably most people, when they think of an insecure person, they're probably thinking of the opposite of prideful.

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So, why are you saying, yes, it is prideful?

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Most people, just to say a word about that, most people, and then I'll go there, but I think just to say a word about that, most people do view insecurity as basically a victim category.

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Some people view the person who's insecure, part of what's happening is anything that feels like a negative, unpleasant experience that a person might be going through, we've adopted a certain set of rules that basically you're not allowed to shame the victim, you're not allowed to blame the victim, you have to coddle the victim, essentially, affirm the victim, validate the victim, you have to do all these things.

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And so insecurity is one of those things where all the mama bear instincts come out.

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And a lot of this is just, when you live in a society that's very feminized, then you have someone who is insecure, and women often, like, insecurity is often a problem that women struggle with.

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Oh, yeah, big time. To a big degree. And so then, like, the lady kind of mama bear impulses work up within people to where you see this person and you understand, right?

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And then you have to show almost unmeasured or unmitigated compassion towards that kind of individual.

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And so all the victim roles apply where you just can't shame them, you can't blame them, you can't, you have to affirm them, you have to validate them, and that's all that, those things are all rising to the surface.

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But then part of the problem is if you actually look at, like, the issue objectively, like, insecurity really, I mean, insecurity, low self -esteem, all these things are just forms of pride.

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And, you know, as you're asking me, well, why is that? Because that doesn't seem very intuitive, right? Yeah. Yeah, so when you think about that,

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I mean, like, a person, like, when you think about a person who's, like, has low self -esteem or insecure in that way, what you imagine, you're rightfully imagining, like, a person who has a very low view of themself, which seems the opposite of pride, right?

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So, like, pride is, like, the person who has, like, a very high view of themself. And, like, that's generally how you're, you're trained to think about it.

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Like, pride is, like, the person who has a very high view of themself. But then the problem is, like, having, like, an unreasonably low view of yourself is also a form of pride, basically.

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So, you know, one of the ways to think about this is Philippians 3 -4 talks about this category of putting confidence in the flesh.

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And so, you know, Paul says, though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh, also, if anyone thinks he has confidence in the flesh,

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I have more. But, like, this is a category which is, like, a bad thing, right? So, like, you shouldn't ultimately ground your confidence in yourself.

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You should ground your confidence in the Lord. And so, with, like, the prideful person, like, as we typically understand it, like, we'll just talk about, like, the arrogant person.

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With the arrogant person, he has an overestimated view of himself, right? But then his confidence is grounded in who he is.

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And that's why it's prideful, right? So, he thinks more highly of himself than he ought to. And he does so in a really unrealistic way.

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But it's still, like, what's happening is it, like, his ground of confidence is within him. But then the same kind of thing is happening with the insecure person.

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Their ultimate ground of confidence is in themself, right? And there's a sense in which, like, the person with low self -esteem, they're almost, like, they're seeing the world more accurately than the boastful person is.

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If that makes sense. Like, in a certain sense. Like, meaning, like, if you try to ground your ultimate confidence in yourself, like, the sober, the sane, the rational thing is to have none.

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Does that make sense? Right, yeah, yeah. Because, like, you're, like, like, when you think about it, like, there's always someone who's, like, more intelligent than you.

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There's always someone who's wiser than you. There's always someone who's stronger than you. There's always someone who's better looking than you, right?

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Like, there's always a bigger fish, right? Right, yeah. Yeah, I mean, obviously, I mean, technically there is the most beautiful person in the world.

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And there is technically the most intelligent person in the world. But even then, though, like, when you take that person, that one person that exists, right, the biggest fish there is in all those categories, like, the issue is they're not the biggest fish in every area of life, right?

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Mm -hmm. And then they're, like, compared to God, they're nothing. And then when you think about, like, whatever they're trying to boast in themselves, like, all you're doing is, like, you're just one, you know, death row inmate boasting that you're a little stronger than the other guy, right?

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Right. But the problem is that, like, it's the point that a man wants to die, and after that, the judgment. And compared to God, you're nothing.

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And he can snuff you out whenever he wants to snuff you out, right? And if you think that, like, he's going to be impressed by any of these, like, things that you do that you think you're so good at, like, they're worthless rags.

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They're trash before the Lord. So they don't give you any ground of boasting, any ground of merit before the

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Lord. And so, like, the person who is, like, insecure, the problem is, like, they're doing the same thing.

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It's just that they're seeing the world more realistically in a certain sense. Does that make sense? Yeah, it's like, you know,

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I don't know if you've ever seen the movie, but Major Pain from the 90s. I've heard of it.

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I don't know if I've watched it. It's basically, you know, you've got this military guy who's seen all this action, and he's just kind of like a real crazy dude.

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And he takes this class of, essentially, ROTC students.

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And, you know, they have this whole journey throughout the movie where they go from just ragtag group of undisciplined kids to extremely disciplined and very good at what they're doing, working together as a team and whatnot.

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And, you know, at the very end of the movie, they've come all this way. They've accomplished all this stuff together.

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And at the very end of the movie, the drill instructor, Major Pain, he tells everyone, congratulations, you've been promoted from pieces of crap to maggots.

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You know? And it's like, essentially, what you're saying is the prideful person, you know, they don't even realize that they're the piece of crap getting promoted to maggot.

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You know, they think they're like king of the world. And the insecure person realizes, hey, yeah,

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I realize I'm the maggot, you know, and I feel like I'm the maggot, right? Right, right. So, I think there's a, either way, both of those are, the problem is that, so the insecure person is still putting confidence in his flesh, right?

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And he's realizing he doesn't have the appropriate grounds for confidence. But he's, what he's not doing is he's not grounding his confidence in the

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Lord, and that's why it's prideful, if that makes sense. So he's not grounding it where it needs to be. It needs to be grounded, like your confidence needs to be, my boast is in the

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Lord, right? Like, if you're going to boast, you need to boast in the Lord. So the insecure person, he's not boasting in the

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Lord. The pride, you know, the arrogant, prideful person, right? He's not boasting in the Lord. You know, so both of those are just forms of self -focus, like self -idolatry.

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And like, the, you know, the quote -unquote insecure person, he's just far more realistic about it. Now, that's not to say that, that's not to say that, you know, you know, the, like there's a sense in which he's being unrealistic about it.

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And then there's a sense in which he's being realistic, more realistic about it. Meaning, you know, like I can never do anything right.

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You know, I'm just so worthless. I'm just so stupid. You know, I'm just so, I mean, in a lot of times, insecure people, they may not be like nearly as stupid, like objectively speaking, as what they're making it out, right?

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But then compared to God, I mean, obviously, they're, they're worse than, they think, right?

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They're worse than stupid. We're all worse than stupid. We're all worse than stupid compared to God, right? So, so, but then the, so what's happening though, is a lot of people, they'll look at people with like, quote -unquote, low self -esteem, and they think that the

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Christian job is just to kind of come along and build their self -esteem, right? But then when you're doing that, all you're doing is fueling pride in them.

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Like, what you don't want to do is take someone who has, like, no grounds for confidence in their flesh, right?

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And then try to help them to put confidence in their flesh. Like, that's not the solution. The solution is not just to like, look in the mirror and say, hey, you're wonderful, and you're special, and you're amazing, and God thinks that you're smart, you know?

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It's like, like maybe not, maybe you're not smart, you know? Like, maybe, like maybe,

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God thinks you're so pretty. God thinks you're so pretty, right? So look in the mirror and tell yourself, you're just so wonderful and pretty, and you know, and that's what people do.

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They come along and they try to feed these people with vanity. And what's happening is, it's just like, hey, yeah,

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I'm not as good looking as that person on the movie, right? And I'm never going to be, you know?

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And a lot of cases like that, it's just like, hey, you know, like, they really have low self -esteem and they have reason, like, if they're just comparing themselves with other human beings,

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I mean, like, so, like, there's a certain sense in which you're just not going to fix it by saying, hey, you're really attractive, you know?

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It's like, well, why didn't anyone ask me to the prom or whatever, right? Like, they weren't beating down the doors to ask me, so, you know, maybe

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I'm not what I think I, what you're, maybe I'm, I've gotten the situation right, you know? I mean, sometimes it's like, you know, once a person takes on that Eeyore kind of, you know, woe is me posture in life, then it kind of becomes a self -fulfilling prophecy for them, meaning, like, once you, once you go to,

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I'm so stupid, I'm so dumb, and no one likes me, and, you know, everyone thinks I'm dumb, you know, then it's just like, no one wants to be around that, right?

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Right. Yeah, no, like, you kind of avoid those kind of people, like, play, but, like, the fundamental issue, though, here's the issue, it's a prideful posture anyways.

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So, what you want to do is, you're not trying to build people's self -esteem, what you're trying to do is help them to see themselves realistically, right?

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So, that means see yourself realistically as you relate to other people, and learn to accept, like,

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God made you a certain way, accept how he's made you to be, honor him with whatever he's given you. So, some people he's given 10 talents, he may have given you, you know, two and a half, right?

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Okay. Yeah. I mean, you laugh because we're not allowed to admit it, right?

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Yeah. Like, that's the whole point, like, you're not allowed to admit that he gave that one guy over there just one talent, you know? Like, hey man, you just got two, and that's okay.

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I mean, it's okay to just have two talents. Yeah, but see, what we're trained, like, we're mercilessly trained to tell them, no, you got 10, and it's like, they're looking at it, and they're like,

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I got two, man, you know? Maybe one and a half, you know? Maybe one and a half inflation, you know?

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I got one and a quarter, you know? Like, if you're telling me I got 10, it's like, I don't have 10, I got one, you know?

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It's like, all right, fine, you got one, do the best you can with that one, right? So, like, the issue is not how many you got, you honor, you have to be content, right?

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So, a lot of this is just, like, pride and covetousness, it's like, I need to have 10 in order to be okay. It's like, you don't have 10, you got two, right?

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Deal with it, you got two, so what? You got two. Do what you can with the two, right? Like, whatever category you're talking about, do what you can with the two, like, just honor the

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Lord with the two. He's not expecting you to have 10 if he only gave you two, so do two, right? You do two well.

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So, part of it is that, to where, like, they're just filled with covetousness, they're filled with envy, and they're just rightfully, they see themselves more rightfully, right?

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And they're filled with covetousness and envy, and it's just like, hey, you gotta get over yourself, man, and do what you can with what you have, right?

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So, part of it's that, and then, you know, part of it, the other hand is, it's like, well, yeah, you don't exaggerate it.

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I mean, if you're given three, you know, don't say you got like one, right? Maybe you got, you know, so part of it is trying to learn to see yourself a little bit more realistic to, you know, related to those things, but ultimately the issue is, like, no,

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I mean, like, yeah, I mean, like, we're, compared to God, we're nothing, you know? Who cares?

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Quit making, quit comparing yourself with other people so much, you know? Quit, you know, all this negative,

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I can never do anything right, whatever. God, if the creative universe has come to forgive you a debt you can never pay, to come to live inside of you, to fundamentally change you, put your, put your confidence in him, you know, like ground your confidence in him.

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And, and so what most people are doing is they're trying to fix this problem of insecurity by filling people full of vanity when, what they really should be doing is trying to help them to learn to place their confidence in the

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Lord and not himself. And you, and you see that a lot with Paul to, you know, Paul, it seems like Paul is a really good example of this, where, you know, he's the person who calls himself the chief of all centers, right?

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He's the least of the apostles. And so he, so he has a very, you know, low view of himself in a certain sense, but he also recognizes,

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I mean, in the verse that you bring up, he's essentially saying, Hey, look, like as far, as far as worldly accomplishments go, that men can accomplish, especially in the society we live in,

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I'm essentially as good as it gets, you know, like I've, I got everything right.

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According to, you know, Jewish customs, but then none of that's worth boasting in.

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Instead, we boast in the Lord. Right. And so, and, and you see that a lot. I mean, Paul is, is not necessarily like a timid guy.

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I mean, he's a very bold guy and he's constantly asking the churches that he writes to, to continue to pray for his boldness, you know, and, and he, he even appeals to, you know, go speak before Caesar, right.

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To appeal his case where he's, he's been in prison. And so he's not necessarily like this guy who thinks,

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Oh, I can never do anything. Right. You know, all it constantly beating himself up, but he is realistic.

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You know, he, he understands that he's an incredibly sinful person who murdered people while at the same time, you know, having confidence that God has delivered him and forgiven him for all those things.

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That's right. Yeah. So, yeah. So when, when, when you're thinking about these things, I mean, you know, whether, whether, whether you're

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Paul, you know, having a realistic expectation of who you actually are, like in that way, like seeing yourself,

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Hey, I'm the chief of center. That's what the Christian should be having that kind of posture. That should be having this kind of posture to say,

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Hey, I'm not trying to boast to myself. I'm trying to boast in the Lord. I see myself accurately. I see like, compared to God, I'm, you know, chief of centers.

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My righteousness is filthy rags. And so for the Christian, that shouldn't be like turning you into depression and, you know, um, paralyzing, you know, shame and everything else.

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You have an answer to that. And what Jesus said on the cross. So take the answer, you know, take that answer, you know, boast in what

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Jesus has done for you. You know, you're not just, um, like living in the shame and, you know, the shame and everything else, because you're not going to be enough.

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And the issue is, yeah, you're not enough. Jesus is. So trust him. Right. Okay. Fair enough.

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