Is My Insecurity Prideful?

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Alright Tim, the question for today's episode is, is my insecurity prideful? Definitely man, it's prideful. Definitely, no qualifications given. Just so we're clear, we're not talking about my insecurity, I'm not insecure at all.

Keep telling yourself that. I was actually answering for you.

You were answering for me? This is actually just an episode applied to me.

I thought you were asking, are you prideful?

Am I prideful? Well, I'm definitely, I have my moments where I certainly am. But I don't know that it's necessarily always coming from an insecurity. But okay, so the conversation for today is about insecurity.

I think probably most people when they think of an insecure person, they're probably thinking of the opposite of prideful. Right? So, why are you saying yes, it is prideful?

Most people, just to say a word about that, most people, and then I'll go there, but yeah, I think just to say a word about that, most people do view insecurity as basically a victim category. So, people view the person who's insecure, part of what's happening is anything that feels like a negative, unpleasant experience that a person might be going through, we've adopted a certain set of rules that basically you're not allowed to shame the victim, you're not allowed to blame the victim, you have to like coddle the victim, essentially, affirm the victim, validate the victim, you have to do all these things.

And so, insecurity is one of those things where like all the mama bear instincts come out. And a lot of this is just like when you live in a society that's very feminized, then you have someone who is insecure.

And women often, like insecurity is often a problem that women struggle with to a big degree. And so, then like the lady kind of mama bear impulses work up within people to where you see this person and you understand, right?

And then you have to show almost unmeasured or unmitigated compassion towards that kind of individual. And so, all the victim roles apply where you just, you can't shame them, you can't blame them, you can't, you have to affirm them, you have to validate them.

And that's all that, those things are all rising to the surface. But then part of the problem is if you actually look at like the issue objectively, like insecurity really, I mean, insecurity, low self-esteem, all of these things are just forms of pride.

And as you're asking me, well, why is that? Because that doesn't seem very intuitive, right? Yeah. Yeah, so when you think about that, I mean like a person, like when you think about a person who's like has low self-esteem or insecure in that way, what you imagine, you're rightfully imagining like a person who has a very low view of themself, which seems the opposite of pride, right?

So like pride is like the person who has like a very high view of themself. And like, that's generally how you're trained to think about it. Like pride is like the person has a very high view of themself.

But then the problem is like low, like having like a unreasonably low view of yourself is also a form of pride, basically. So, you know, one of the ways to think about this is Philippians 3, 4 talks about this category of putting confidence in the flesh.

And so, you know, Paul says, though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also, if anyone thinks he has confidence in the flesh, I have more, but like this is a category which is like a bad thing, right?

So like you shouldn't ultimately ground your confidence in yourself. You should ground your confidence in the Lord. And so with like the prideful person, like as we typically understand it, like we'll just talk about like the arrogant person.

With the arrogant person, he has an overestimated view of himself, right? But then his confidence is grounded in who he is. And that's why it's prideful, right? So he thinks more highly of himself than he ought to.

And he does so in a really unrealistic way, but it's still like what's happening is it, like his ground of confidence is within him. But then the same kind of thing is happening with the insecure person.

Their ultimate ground of confidence is in themself, right? And there's a sense in which like the person with low self-esteem, they're almost like they're seeing the world more accurately than the boastful person is, if that makes sense, like in a certain sense.

Like meaning like if you try to ground your ultimate confidence in yourself, like the sober, the sane, the rational thing is to have none. Does that make sense? Right, yeah, yeah. Because like when you think about it, like there's always someone who is like more intelligent than you.

There's always someone who's wiser than you. There's always someone who's stronger than you. There's always someone who's better looking than you, right? Like there's always a bigger fish, right? Right, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, technically there is the most beautiful person in the world and there is technically the most intelligent person in the world. But even then though, like when you take that person, that one person that exists, right?

The biggest fish there is in all those categories. Like the issue is they're not the biggest fish in every area of life, right? And then they're like compared to God, they're nothing. And then when you think about like whatever they're trying to boast in themselves, like all you're doing is like you're just one, you know, death row inmate boasting that you're a little stronger than the other guy, right?

But the problem is that like it's the point that a man wants to die and after that the judgment and compared to God you're nothing and he can snuff you out whenever he wants to snuff you out, right? And if you think that like he's gonna be impressed by any of these like things that you do that you think you're so good at, like they're worthless rags.

They're trash before the Lord. So, they don't give you any ground of boasting, any ground of merit before the Lord. And so, like the person who is like insecure, the problem is like they're doing the same thing.

It's just that they're seeing the world more realistically in a certain sense. Does that make sense?

Yeah, it's like, you know, I don't know if you've ever seen the movie, but Major Pain from the 90s. I've heard of it. I don't know if I've watched it. It's basically, you know, you've got this military guy who's seen all this action and he's just kind of like a real crazy dude and he takes this class of essentially ROTC students and, you know, they have this whole journey throughout the movie where they go from just ragtag group of undisciplined kids to extremely disciplined and very good at what they're doing working together as a team and whatnot.

And, you know, at the very end of the movie they've come all this way. They've accomplished all this stuff together. And at the very end of the movie, the drill instructor, Major Pain, he, you know, he tells everyone, congratulations, you've been promoted from pieces of crap to maggots.

You know, and it's like, essentially what you're saying is the prideful person, you know, they don't even realize that they're the piece of crap getting promoted to maggot, you know. They think they're like king of the world and the insecure person realizes, hey, yeah, I realize I'm the maggot, you know, and I feel like I'm the maggot, right?

Right, right.

So I think there's a, either way, both of those are, the problem is that, so the insecure person is still putting confidence in his flesh, right? And he's realizing he doesn't have the appropriate grounds for confidence.

But what he's not doing is he's not grounding his confidence in the Lord and that's why it's prideful, if that makes sense. So he's not grounding it where it needs to be. It needs to be grounded, like your confidence needs to be, my boast is in the Lord, right?

Right. Like if you're gonna boast, you need to boast in the Lord. So the insecure person, he's not boasting in the Lord. The pride, you know, the arrogant prideful person, right, he's not boasting in the Lord.

So both of those are just forms of self-focus, like self-idolatry, and like the, you know, the quote-unquote insecure person, he's just far more realistic about it. Now that's not to say that, that's not to say that, you know, like there's a sense in which he's being unrealistic about it and then there's a sense in which he's being realistic, more realistic about it, meaning, you know, like I can never do anything right, you know, I'm just so worthless, I'm just so stupid, you know, I'm just so, I mean, a lot of times insecure people, they may not be like nearly as stupid, like objectively speaking, as what they're making it out, right?

But then compared to God, I mean, obviously, they're worse than what they think, right? They're worse than stupid. We're all worse than stupid. We're all worse than stupid compared to God, right? So, but then the, so what's happening though, is a lot of people, they'll look at people with, like quote-unquote low self-esteem and they think that the Christian's job is just to kind of come along and build their self-esteem, right?

But then when you're doing that, all you're doing is fueling pride in them. Like what you don't want to do is take someone who has like no grounds for confidence in their flesh, right? And then try to help them to put confidence in their flesh.

Like that's not the solution. The solution is not just to like look in the mirror and say, hey, you're wonderful and you're special and you're amazing and God thinks that you're smart, you know? It's like, like maybe not, maybe you're not smart, you know?

Like maybe you're God thinks you're so pretty. God thinks you're so pretty, right? So look in the mirror and tell yourself, you're just so wonderful and pretty. And, you know, and that's what people do.

They come along and they try to feed these people with vanity. And what's happening is it's just like, hey, yeah, I'm not as good looking as that person on the movie, right? And I'm never going to be, you know?

And a lot of cases like that, it's just like, hey, you know, like they really have low self-esteem and they have reason, like if they're just comparing themselves with other human beings, I mean, like so like there's a certain sense in which you're just not going to fix it by saying, hey, you're really attractive, you know?

It's like, well, why didn't anyone ask me to the prom or whatever, right? Like they weren't beating down the doors to ask me. So, you know, maybe I'm not what I think I maybe I've gotten the situation right, you know?

I mean, sometimes it's like, you know, once a person takes on that Eeyore kind of, you know, woe is me posture in life, then it kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for them. Meaning like once you go to, I'm so stupid, I'm so dumb and no one likes me and you know, everyone thinks I'm dumb, you know, then it's just like, no one wants to be around that, right?

Right. Yeah, no, like you kind of avoid this kind of people like play, but like the fundamental issue though, here's the issue. It's a prideful posture anyways. So what you want to do is you're not trying to build people's self-esteem.

What you're trying to do is help them to see themselves realistically, right? So that means see yourself realistically as you relate to other people and learn to accept like God made you a certain way, accept how he's made you to be, honor him with whatever he's given you.

So some people he's given 10 talents, he may have given you, you know, two and a half, right? Okay. Yeah. You laugh because we're not allowed to admit it, right? Yeah. Like that's the whole point. Like you're not allowed to admit.

That he gave that one guy over there, just one talent, you know? Like, hey man, you just got two and that's okay. I mean, it's okay to just have two talents.

Yeah, but see, so what we're trained, like we're mercilessly trained to tell them, no, you got 10. And it's like, they're looking at it and they're like, I got two, man, you know, maybe one and a half, you know?

Maybe one and a half inflation, you know?

I got one and a quarter, you know? Like if you're telling me I got 10, it's like, I don't have 10, I got one, you know? It's like, all right, fine, you got one, do the best you can with that one, right?

So like the issue is not how many you got, you have to be content, right? So a lot of this is just like pride and covetousness. It's like, I need to have 10 in order to be okay. It's like, you don't have 10, you got two, right?

Deal with it, you got two, so what? You got two. Do what you can with the two, right? Like whatever category you're talking about, do what you can with the two, like just honor the Lord with the two. He's not expecting you to have 10 if he only gave you two, so do two, right?

You do two well. So part of it is that, to where like, they're just filled with covetousness, they're filled with envy, and they're just rightfully, they see themselves more rightfully, right? And they're filled with covetousness and envy, and it's just like, hey, you got to get over yourself, man, and do what you can with what you have, right?

So part of it's that, and then part of it, the other hand is, it's like, well, yeah, you don't exaggerate it. I mean, if you're given three, don't say you got like one, right? So part of it is trying to learn to see yourself a little bit more realistic to relate to those things, but ultimately the issue is like, no, I mean like, yeah, I mean, we're compared to God, we're nothing.

Who cares? Quit comparing yourself with other people so much. Quit all this negative, I can never do anything right, whatever. If the creator of the universe has come to forgive you a debt you can never pay, to come to live inside of you, to fundamentally change you, put your confidence in him, like ground your confidence in him.

And so what most people are doing is they're trying to fix this problem of insecurity by filling people full of vanity, when what they really should be doing is trying to help them to learn to place their confidence in the Lord and not himself.

Right, and you see that a lot with Paul too. You know, Paul, it seems like Paul is a really good example of this where, you know, he's the person who calls himself the chief of all sinners, right? He's the least of the apostles.

And so he has a very, you know, low view of himself in a certain sense, but he also recognizes, I mean, in the verse that you bring up, he's essentially saying, hey, look, like as far as worldly accomplishments go that men can accomplish, especially in the society we live in, I'm essentially as good as it gets.

You know, like I got everything right according to, you know, Jewish customs, but then none of that's worth boasting in. Instead we boast in the Lord, right? And so, and you see that a lot. I mean, Paul is not necessarily like a timid guy.

I mean, he's a very bold guy and he's constantly asking the churches that he writes to to continue to pray for his boldness, you know, and he even appeals to, you know, go speak before Caesar, right, to appeal his case where he's been in prison.

And so he's not necessarily like this guy who thinks, oh, I can never do anything right, you know, constantly beating himself up. But he is realistic. You know, he understands that he's an incredibly sinful person who murdered people while at the same time, you know, having confidence that God has delivered him and forgiven him for all those things, right?

That's right, yeah.

So, yeah. So when you're thinking about these things, I mean, you know, whether you're Paul, you know, having a realistic expectation of who you actually are, like in that way, like seeing yourself, hey, I'm the chief of sinner.

That's what the Christian should be having, that kind of posture. They should be having this kind of posture to say, hey, I'm not trying to boast to myself. I'm trying to boast in the Lord. I see myself accurately.

I see, like compared to God, I'm, you know, chief of sinners, my righteousness is filthy rags. And so for the Christian, that shouldn't be like turning you into depression and, you know, paralyzing, you know, shame and everything else.

You have an answer to that in what Jesus said on the cross. So take the answer, you know, take that answer, you know. Boast in what Jesus has done for you. You know, you're not just like living in the shame and, you know, everything else because you're not going to be enough.

The issue is, yeah, you're not enough. Jesus is. So trust in him.

Right. Okay. Fair enough. This has been another episode of Bible Bashed. We hope you have been encouraged and blessed through our discussion. We thank you for all your support and ask you to continue to like and subscribe to Bible Bashed and share our podcast with your friends and on social media.

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