TLP 238: Teach Your Children to Apologize, Part 1

This paralyzed man was unable to be a profitable member of society, but his broken relationship with God was so much more important. We need to teach our children to apologize, because forgiveness is more important than working legs.

Opening Thanks, Retreat Update, and Listener Support

Welcome to Truth.

Love. Parent.

Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, A .M.

Brewster.

Good day to you all. I really want to just start by thanking you for your patience. I am very sorry that I did not post any episodes this past week. I've had a very difficult time getting caught back up after the holidays.

On top of that, I just returned from Victory Academy's annual snowshoe retreat. We spent the whole week in a cabin with no electricity or running water, and we talked about, of all things, purity. Actually, we talked about satisfaction in general, and we focused on many of the ways we seek for satisfaction outside of God.

The devotional times are spent on money, food, friends, and things like that, but the evening chapels were all about sexuality. It's so fantastic to look into God's Word and see the world so clearly. He truly does know what's best for us, and He outlines so perfectly what happens when we worship the creature rather than the Creator.

Anyway, again, I'm sorry that we didn't post anything this last week, but thank you to those of you who prayed for the retreat and who knew that I was falling behind. If you're wondering how you could have even known about the retreat in order to pray for it, I encourage you to follow us on Facebook.

We share carefully curated parenting articles there all the time, but we also post more informal information there as well, and I also share things like that on Twitter at ambruster. And if you're curious how you could have known that I've been struggling to catch up in the new year, you could join the Closed TLP Facebook group.

I often share the personal things there, and you can receive your code for joining the group by joining the TLP family at truthloveparent .com. And thank you to Scott and Mindy and Lisa and an anonymous donor today for making this episode possible.

Their faithful giving is just such an incredible blessing to us, and I really, I mean, what's even more of a blessing for me anyway is I love getting to know our patrons. Scott and Mindy and I spent over an hour on the phone a week or so ago, and it was so incredibly encouraging.

Lisa and I have talked on many occasions and love getting to know her and her husband. And if you'd be interested in getting to know more about TLP's mission, you can click on the 5 ways to support TLP link in the description of this episode.

There you'll learn all about us. And if you've been listening to the show for any length of time, will you please consider rating and reviewing us on iTunes? Recently we've been receiving some very low ratings.

I know how it happens, really, that normally the world would have little to no interest in what we're doing here, but sometimes our episode titles attract people from all walks of life. Well, no doubt, many people wouldn't have liked anything I had to say in the recent two-part 2019 Parenting Trends episode because I did it from a Christian perspective.

And they have no problem throwing down a single-star rating when they don't like what they hear. Anyway, those people are more than welcome to their opinions and the ratings, but I'd like to call on those of you who genuinely love the Lord and the show to take a minute to at least give us a five-star rating.

Any review you could leave to would also be that much better. Okay, so let's start the discussion about teaching our children to apologize. First, let me remind you about our free episode notes available at truthloveparent .com.

All you have to do is click the link below to be taken to them. Also, I need to clarify that we're talking about apologies, not apologetics. Do I believe that we need to teach our children to apologize for and defend their faith?

Definitely, and I think we need to spend a lot more time talking about that on this show. I think one reason I haven't really gotten around to it is that we're still building a foundation for Christian parenting.

Apologetics is a training-level concept, and many of us just aren't there yet. That training doesn't really take root until we've done the appropriate teaching and interpreting and counseling. And that doesn't mean we shouldn't start apologetics training when our children are very young, but I think that our kids will not truly engage in apologetics until they first submitted to Christ, and second, until they've regularly submitted to your teaching, interpreting, counseling, and training.

But if you'd like to know more about how to train our kids about God and get them into apologetics, then you should check out my four interviews with author and speaker Natasha.

Crane.

She's a powerful voice for women and parents in apologetics. You can learn more about her, her books, and how to keep your kids on God's side by listening to episodes 65, 66, 67, and 105, and the links to those episodes will be in the description.

Below.

Anyway, again, that's not the topic of today's show, so I think it's a good idea to define.

Our terms.

Defining Apology and Apologetics

Number one, what is an apology? Merriam-Webster defines an apology as an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret. If you search apology on Google and click on images, most of them will say, I'm sorry.

However, I want to put a finer point on it by saying that an apology is a confession of sin and request for forgiveness. So I want to start with why asking for forgiveness is so important, and then I want to study what the Lord has to say about apologies.

First, understand that the words apology, apologize, and the like are not in Scripture. The first known use of the word, it wasn't until 1533, and it originated in Middle French or in Late Latin. However, those terms did have some roots in Greek.

Merriam-Webster suggests that a hybrid of apo and logos is in its basement, and that should be very interesting to us. Logos is the word for a word. It's something that is said or an account given. More precisely, in the Bible, it speaks to the revelation of God's truth and Christ himself.

Apo is a prefix used to refer to something that is apart from something else. For example, apostate refers to someone that has fallen away from truth. So we can see how in the Scripture, the word apologia means to give a defense.

That's our modern understanding of apologetics. But we can also easily imagine how the word could have come to mean what it does today. An apology is admitting to how we did not align with God's truth.

It's speaking in such a way as to show that we were nowhere near where we should have.

Been.

Now, I find all that very interesting. Perhaps you don't. Either way, I'm no scholar, but I truly enjoy the evolution of language because it teaches us about ourselves and from where we've come. So number two, why are apologies so important?

Why Confession and Forgiveness Matter

Let's review our definition. An apology is a confession of sin and request for forgiveness. I think 1 John 1, 9 through 10 is a beautiful picture of when apologies are necessary. It reads, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us. You see, we desperately need to apologize or we will not be forgiven. We don't need to apologize if we haven't sinned, and we won't ever apologize if we don't believe we did anything wrong.

This is why I make a very clear delineation for my children. Some things are unintentional. My child accidentally bumps into me as they turn a corner. It would be appropriate to say, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.

Are you okay?

But it would be unnecessary and inappropriate to say, please forgive me for running into.

You.

Of course, if they did it on purpose, that may be a different story. But according to the picture I just painted, if it were accidental, there's no reason for an apology. And I think we need to be very specific in our words and our terms.

We can't afford to be fuzzy and slushy. Let's be honest, our kids don't understand so many concepts. Clearly defined ideas are explained to them and they still misinterpret them. How much more trouble are we going to cause when we use the terms apologize and say you're sorry identically?

I'm going to suggest that we only instruct our children to say they're sorry when they unintentionally and without sin inconvenienced a person or situation. Something gets accidentally broken, time is inadvertently wasted, someone unintentionally gets hurt, and it would be very difficult to really point to any fault or sin.

No one was being lazy or disrespectful or unkind, then it's completely appropriate to say they're sorry. But if we legitimately need forgiveness, then we must apologize. But what does it mean to need forgiveness?

What is forgiveness? Well, Mary Webb defines forgive as to cease to feel resentment against an offender. And she defines resent as to feel or express annoyance. But I believe this definition falls far too short.

It puts way too much weight on feeling. Let's consider our passage again. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Sin is an attack against God that doesn't conform to His character.

If we remain guilty, then the consequences are going to continue to come into our lives. We need forgiveness in order to avoid those consequences and repair the relationship. Now that may sound very pragmatic and selfish on the surface, but it's not.

Yes, if I'm trying to merely avoid the uncomfortable secondary consequences, then yeah, my motives are probably selfish. But if I'm trying to avoid the primary consequences, my motivation is very different.

The primary consequences are that I've hurt my God, I've hurt others, and I've hurt myself by making it easier to sin in the future. Those are primarily focused outside of self. So yes, I need forgiveness so that I don't suffer the consequences of continuing to hurt my God and those humans against whom I've sinned.

So it's very appropriate to say that I need forgiveness. And forgiveness is more than simply ceasing to feel resentment against the offender. True forgiveness is outlined in the verse. Forgiveness involves two parts.

On one side, I stop holding your sin against you. I expunge it from your account as if it never existed. But secondly, it's working toward fixing the problem. As God cleanses us from all unrighteousness, then righteousness must be taking its place.

Forgiveness involves not merely gaining pardon, but also setting the person up for change from sin to righteousness. This is why forgiveness is necessary. And I'm going to argue that real change cannot happen if forgiveness has not been sought.

This is why this is the first legitimate counsel we can give our children. Counseling comes after education and reproof. So we've taught them what is right and what is wrong. We've reproved them and helped them interpret their sin in light of God's word.

We've persuaded them that they have sinned, but we're not done. No change can happen until they turn away from their sin and toward righteousness. Just because they've stopped their current sin doesn't mean that they're not going to do it again.

It doesn't mean we've set them up for any more success because all we did was teach and reprove yet one more time. And technically, the relationship is still broken. No forgiveness was granted. The relationship still has an offense.

Counsel is giving them the information and assistance they need to turn from their error and embrace the right. So when I've sinned against someone, as I did this morning, I need to confess that I was living in a delusion and sinning against God.

Then I need to ask God for forgiveness. And then I need to ask the person against whom I've sinned for forgiveness. I have to do all of this before I can continue moving in the right direction. Now I've entered the correction counseling stage.

I haven't just stopped walking down the road in the wrong direction. I've actually turned and started moving in the right direction. And the very first step was to humbly acknowledge my sin and ask for forgiveness.

Now I can continue being cleansed from my unrighteousness. That's why seeking and receiving forgiveness is so incredibly important. An individual who refuses to confess their sin is arrogant. They're delusional and they're claiming that the offense they committed wasn't an offense or shouldn't have been an offense.

And the relationship continues to be pained. Now let me say two more things and we'll finish up for today. First, if you have no idea about what I'm talking when I mentioned the teaching, reproving, and counseling stages of parenting, then please listen to the Parents 5 Jobs series linked.

Below.

That series outlines the five main jobs God has you on earth to fulfill. Second, everything I'm suggesting concerning apologies is illustrated for us in the Sermon.

On the Mount.

Apologies in Matthew 5 and the Sermon on the Mount

And if you've been a listener of the show for any length of time, you know that I keep going back to Matthew 5 because it gives us the basic overview of the Christian life and the steps we must all take in our journey to submitting to Christ and becoming more like Him.

It starts with acknowledging our sin and being grieved by it. Then comes the humility. Now the passage doesn't specify confession and repentance and apologies, but it does show us what comes next. When we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.

And Matthew 5 describes the outcome of God cleansing us from unrighteousness. It says that we will hunger and thirst after righteousness and start exemplifying God-honoring character in our lives. Now there's a lot more I want to say about this.

Actually, there's a lot more Jesus wants to say about this. So next time we're going to look at three important truths that Jesus will reveal about the nature of apologies. Please share this episode and leave us your star ratings and reviews.

If we truly want what's best for our children, if we want them to be able to truly correct their trajectory, then we need to teach them the importance and formula for seeking forgiveness. So to that end, I'll see you next time.

Truth.

Love. Parents.

Is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.