Fostering for Jesus #foster #fosterparent #fostering #fostercare #adoption

We're ready to go, guys. Welcome to the Truth and Love podcast. We are thankful that you have joined us for this episode. This is another special episode for the Truth and Love podcast. If you have never watched or joined us at the Truth and Love podcast, we welcome you very much to the network, to the podcast.

If you may know John and Joanne or Tripp and Misty, James and Bethany, correct? It's Bethany. That's correct. If you know them and you don't know us and you're joining us to see their episode here on fostering, we welcome you.

To learn more about us, you can find us on YouTube or Facebook. Go to truthandlovenetwork .com. We would also encourage you go to laborersconference .com. We're going to have a conference at the end of April in Knoxville, Tennessee.

With that being said, tonight's topic is fostering for Jesus. And I'm going to turn it over to Mr. Jody Yupp. He is going to be our moderator tonight. Thank you, brother.

Thank you all for being here tonight. I want to just introduce you guys and make sure that anybody who might come on with us or who might see this at a later time, just kind of make sure we're all for me with one another.

John Boyd and his wife are here with us tonight, Joanne. John is currently serving with Baptist Children's Homes in North Carolina, right now in a licensing and a foster care manager capacity. John was at one of the first churches I spoke at several years ago when I came on board, and he was in the process of doing some interviewing.

We're glad that he's come on board at Baptist Children's Homes of North Carolina. He's retired from the state of North Carolina. He's worked with Guardian Ad Litem. He's also been a probation parole officer and has served North Carolina, I think, for a total of 34 years.

Is that right, John? Yes, sir. And a graduate of UNC Pembroke. He's got his BS in sociology, concentration in criminal justice. And Joanne has her master's degree from App State, K -12 education, mathematics specialty, BS from UNC Pembroke, and she's a retired school teacher.

She's also serving right now as an area manager for Caregivers by Design. And so we're glad to have you guys with us. Tripp, you and your wife, Missy, I met you two years ago when I was doing food roundup down in Sandy Run.

The day I came to pick up food, you were there, and you had that cute little kid with you, man. I never forget it. I got it this day. So glad to meet you down there. You are pastoring Livonia Baptist Church, and you are president of the Pastors Conference at Sandy Run Baptist Association.

You also moderate Sandy Run Baptist Association, and so you've got a lot going on down there. You have your master's in preaching and pastoral ministries from Midwestern Seminary and a BA in behavioral science and sociology.

And Missy, I think you just kind of right now, you're trying to figure out how to run the new house that you guys are in and figure out what that looks like for family and care and making sure home is home for everybody involved.

But you are also very talented on the piano and have recorded a lot of music on your own, several instrumental projects. And you currently serve, I think, the church as their piano player. But prior to all of those things, prior to becoming a stay-at-home mom, I think you worked at one of the churches down in Shelby as a receptionist for Elizabeth Baptist Church in Shelby.

And you've got 22 years of service, too, also in at Iron Mountain. So Missy, we're glad that you guys are here with us. And Tripp, glad that you guys are on board. You now are foster parents for us at Baptist Children's Homes at one of our new properties called River Hill Refuge down in Shelby.

And we're glad that you guys are on board with us as well. So thank you guys for being on. Yes. James and Bethany, you guys, I think living down in Louisiana, a little warmer than probably what we've got here in North Carolina right now.

My wife is currently in Texas and she got off the plane in Brownsville and told me it was 78 degrees and said she missed the cool weather in North Carolina right now. So James, I think you're the pastor.

You are a pastor. And Bethany, you are a speech pathologist, if I think I've got that correct. And you guys began fostering a 17-year-old daughter three months ago. So I'm looking forward to hearing what you have on this perspective.

You've got a golden doodle named Graham, who I understand is the life of the party and probably the center of your family before you began fostering. So we're glad to have all of you guys on. Robert and I met at Gardner-Webb.

I don't know how many years ago we were trying to figure out when we were on campus together, but I know we were on campus together. I lived off campus. I think I was probably the older guy on campus back then, Robert.

I came back to school in 2000. And that was 10 years after I graduated high school. And I remember walking on campus thinking I must be the oldest guy here. And I felt like I was. So anyway, the Lord called me back.

I surrendered and went back. And I'm glad that I got to spend some time with you there. Robert is a husband and father, has been for over 25 years. Currently serves as an elder at First Baptist Newton.

I spoke there not long ago and got to meet him and his wife and the congregation there. He's a graduate of Gardner-Webb like me. And he's a contributor of the Truth and Love Podcast and the Laborer's Podcast.

He's also the founder of Truth and Love Network. Kelly, his wife, is a mother and a graduate of Northern Orion University and has taught herself for over 11 years. So glad to have you guys on. And last, I am Jody Up.

I pastored two churches in North Carolina for 23 years. In the last two years, I've been serving at Baptist Children's Homes of North Carolina. Stacey and I have been married for 23 years, have two kids.

Cameron is 21 and Savannah is 18. She's a junior at North Greenville and Cameron works in Wisconsin at the Henry Firearms Factory in Rice Lake, making those really nice, fancy Henry rifles. And so we're proud of both of our kids.

Stacey and I are both graduates of Gardner-Webb. I earned a Master's of Religious Studies from Southern California Seminary and then went back to school and continued and received a Master's of Ministry and Leadership from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.

And Stacey also has a Master's of Education and Administration and Supervision from Liberty. She was a Christian school principal for seven years and now works at Billy Graham in their donor relations department, but really works more for the tour team.

And she's actually on tour right now. She left Friday and will be gone for 16 days with Franklin and the others on the Frontier Tour. So that's a little bit about all of us. Thank you so much for coming.

Glad you guys are here. And let me jump into this, if you don't mind. And so I'm gonna start with Robert and your wife, if you would. How did you first hear about foster care and how did you get involved with that?

I'll let you go. We talked about this today and Robert even asked me, how did we even first hear about foster care and come into that? And I think the short answer is that we were pursuing possible avenues for adoption.

We each have a grown child and we have only been married since 2016. So we were looking for a way that we could grow as a family. And I think when we initially heard, I guess our initial conversations were, I think there was an advertisement in town for foster adopt movement.

And so that got us looking into what did we need to do in order to adopt, initially adopt, but I think we've settled now into foster care. Okay.

How about the Erickson's? How did you guys get involved? What was your initial pull? What brought you to foster care?

Well, we've been praying about it for several years now on what to do. And we'd attempted it one other time, but we ended up having a serious car accident that prevented us from completing the classes.

So we put that on a hold, but still had that feeling that we needed to do this, but we just couldn't get settled on the time. About three months ago, God woke James up in the middle of the night and told him to get ready because we were gonna have somebody coming in the next three months.

And so, and sure enough, it happens. And so we were surprised, but not surprised all at the same time. And our friend is the one that works for DCFS. And she said that she got some papers at the office and recognized this child's name from church.

She had been at church before several years ago. And her boss talked to her and asked her if anybody from the church could take her. So she goes, well, let me just call my pastor and his wife. And then by that afternoon, she was with us.

By that evening, she was with us. Look, I wanna thank y 'all,.

All of you who are fostering right now. And even the Boyds years ago, they fostered for a short time. All of y 'all have fostered, I have not. And I wanna thank all of y 'all for doing that because at Baptist Children's Homes right now, we're making a big push for foster care.

And there's lots of good agencies. When I say that, please understand, I'm not pushing us above anybody else. We're doing the same work. If you bring a child into your home, that's what we're supposed to be doing for the kingdom.

And so I just wanna thank all of you who are fostering. Now, Tripp, how did you and your wife get brought in? What brought you into foster care?

We talked about it a few times and it just never seemed like the right time. And after Missy had dealt with breast cancer and surgeries and all of those things, we entertained it again. I felt like the Lord was leading us to do it.

And we had some, there was some children at the church that were obviously food insecure and did not have good home situations. And so that also kind of pushed us in that direction, understanding there were a lot of other children who had these same needs.

And so we inquired and the ball got rolling and it started rolling pretty quick. So that was kind of how we started.

Well, I'm so glad that I got to meet y 'all a couple of years ago. And I even, I think I even said at the time, hey, we're building some properties down in Shelby and we'd love to have somebody like you.

And I meant it at the time, but I had no idea the Lord would work it out where you'd be living in one of our properties. But I want you to know, I appreciate you. I appreciate what you guys are doing.

And I'm looking forward to filling those other two homes down there besides you. It's part of what we need to do. Let me transition a little bit. I've got John and Joanne there. John, I know your role is you've come on as a licensor and also a foster case care manager.

So I want you to tell us what you do now. Currently what I'm doing is I'm working.

As a licensor and trainer. I did foster care case management when I was first hired and training as well. The foster care in Babs Jordan's home has changed so tremendously in recent years, six, eight, 10 months time period that we saw the need that we needed to start having more licensing and also more training.

And so the transition just kind of worked out for me to be able to work over into that department. And it's just been a good thing for me. I've really enjoyed that so far. I'm just getting really my feet wet in it because it started after Thanksgiving.

But our whole goal is stuff like this to get people to become foster parents and do it through the Babs Jordan's home because I know we're not trying to single out the Babs Jordan's home, but it is an opportunity that we have the foster care case manager that's gonna work one-on-one.

And I think the bigger staffs can attest to that from their perspective from being in Shelby and working with that person that's working there. So I've just been very blessed in the position that I find myself in.

And I know that the Lord has a direction for me. And we talked about that when you came and spoke at the church and I'm just trying to be true to what he has planned.

Well, everybody can have a role in foster care, whether you're fostering or whether you're on your side, whether you're trying to go and train and license. My side, I try to promote. My biggest job is promoting the ministries and promoting that ministry.

As you well know, John and Tripp, you two guys know that's a lot of what I do. But even in our churches, people could, there's a lot of support that they could help us in the church. If they can't foster, they can provide resources and they can adopt the family who's kind of adopting and fostering and be an adoptive grandparent or an adoptive foster grandparent.

And just as far as license, John, what would be some of the things you could tell.

That people could help do? Well, that's exactly a good transition, Jody, because that goes into our fostering. And honestly, we depended solely on the church for resources. What I mean by that is, we have children placed with us and it was a Friday afternoon.

And when they were placed into our home, they didn't have anything.

Except for the clothes on their back. And so our person Did that happen to the rest of you? Has that been a similar experience to some of you guys? Yes. Okay.

And our call went out to the church and it basically was like, hey, this is what we got, this is what we need. And by Saturday morning, our truck was full.

How many of y 'all received help from your local church? Yeah. All right, I'm glad to hear that because that's what we want the church to do is provide some help. So Robert, I wanna jump to you guys again.

We know John, he is in the license process and training process. I wanna know what your training was like. How did you receive your training and how did that go?

So we went through our local county. That's where Kelly and I saw the advertisement for the Foster and Adopt Movement. So we contacted them. We set up with them the next training session. And it was all day sessions.

Was it Saturday? Yeah, on Saturdays.

How many Saturdays do you remember? I have a horrible memory. I think it was five Saturdays and they were all day sessions, but we were still in the... There was still some COVID things happening. So they were all day virtual sessions.

Normally it would have been 10 sessions and they would have been a little shorter, like three or four hours. I don't know exactly the number, but it would have been a few, like 10 sessions for just a few hours in their training room.

But because there was still some COVID things happening, they had not gone back to live training.

Yeah, and I personally enjoyed the online Zoom training that they had. I mean, we were in the comfort of our home. We could get our coffee or whatever we needed. For me, it was nice.

I don't know if they actually offered that. I didn't know what they were doing during that time, how they were completing their training, but I'm so glad they did find a way to do that because, man, that would have really put a big stumbling block in the path of a lot of people trying to be qualified to foster kids.

And it would have left a whole lot more kids without a home. I'm glad they did that.

I didn't know they were doing it, but I'm glad to hear that, Robert. Oh, we had a shift on the fly really quickly, Jody. It was one of those things that it was being invented as we kind of went through it.

And as trainings would pop up, we'd have people that say, yeah, we can do that online. And they didn't mind doing it. And that even continued after the COVID restrictions were lifted.

So, John, tell me how many hours through BCH and through the state of North Carolina, our training here in North Carolina might be different than the Erickson's. So explain what our training is like here.

Well, in North Carolina, we have 30 hours that we're required to basically train potential foster parents. And in that training, we basically go through a whole host of what they're going to experience during fostering.

We try to, anyway. There's no experience like doing it, though. But our biggest focus is we have this product called the CARE product. And in that product, we basically train foster parents on how to work with the children that are placed in their home and really how to deal with different things that might occur during their placements.

But the training itself, we do offer sometimes during the week. It just depends on what the needs are for the trainees. We do do it on Saturdays and Sundays if that's a need as well. So it's one of those things.

We're kind of flexible to try to meet the needs of the people that are interested in becoming foster parents. But the biggest thing is the 30 hours.

Yeah. So like in Louisiana. To be honest with you, we haven't had training. The first question I asked DCFS caseworker was, don't I need to be trained for this? And they said, well, under the circumstances, because it's an emergency placement, we're what they consider a fictive kin.

So we're not really kin, but we're fictive kin. And so we didn't have any training. They just placed them with us. We're going through the certification process right now to be certified foster parents.

But training has not even been brought up to us yet. So we're not even sure how many hours. I think we were supposed to, when we tried it a few years ago, I think there were five classes. That's what I'm talking about.

Yeah, so like five courses, maybe two hours long. So 10 hours maybe of those courses. But then they'll do the home development stuff and fingerprinting and background checks. They've already done most of that, but we just got to do the home development stuff now.

I think that can happen sometimes in North Carolina, John, but it's rarer in, I think, our area. Am I correct on that?

Well, it does occur and they do have emergency placements and the only requirement that's needed there is to have court approval. The judge has to sign off on it. Once the judge signs on it, that placement can continue.

And each time they have a court hearing, it has to be addressed, but they want them to get their training done as quickly as they possibly can. There's a twofold reason for that. One is monetary, but secondly is that, that way the court doesn't have to keep saying, hey, they're in an unlicensed placement because eventually it's going to be looked into why they're placed with unlicensed.

But with the Erickson's, they're expressing and having that heart to work for this child. And a 17-year-old's tough to place anyway. Yeah.

Yeah. The older children are tougher to find homes for even long, for short and long-term basis. They really are. Right. She's three months from 18 years old. Oh, she's three months from 18?

So that might be another reason too, since she's so close to that age. They've actually let her sign and attempt to stay with us until she's 21. So we're hoping that, cause I'm pretty sure we're not going to get to adopt her before she's 18, but maybe they'll still let us adopt her once she's, once we get all the paperwork and stuff done, but she will be over 18 when it happens.

I'm sure she'll be able to have a large say in that because of her age, that a judge would take her wishes under consideration, that if you have a desire to adopt her and she has a desire to be adopted, hopefully that will not be as hard.

We're praying so. For sure. So Tripp, you've heard a little bit, I know John described North Carolina. They described a little bit about what they're going through in Louisiana. I'm going to change the question for you a little bit.

What was a surprise to you in your training? Did anything surprise you or did anything catch you off guard?

I believe we, in the training that we did, we were licensed originally with another agency. And so I think the training that we went through had a lot, there were a lot of like scenarios in real life, kind of explaining situations and these kinds of things.

And some of them were shocking to us. And we actually, our licensing person, we had conversations like, do these things really happen? And her answer was more than you know. And so now we know that that is the case, but that was the thing for us was just all that happened in the life of these children many times before they come out of their homes and are placed in foster care.

Tripp and Missy, what's been the most frustrating part for you?

I would say bio parents still have a ton of rights and it's frustrating sometimes when, if bio parents are not holding their end of the load or they're not, they're just not following through with the things that's required of them, it's still kind of in their court.

So that's just been something to learn. It's been a learning curve for us, but there's always opportunity to minister to the bio parents because just like the Lord loves those babies, he loves them too.

How about Robert and Kelly?

Any frustrations when you guys think we're coming into the system? What has been your biggest frustration?

I'll say for me, during the training, the biggest frustration for me was we didn't, and I'm not sure how the training is through you guys, through the Baptist State Convention and Baptist Children's Home.

So we went through our local county. So with that being said, you have to take in consideration the possibility of a different faith, of an individual or a family coming into your home than your own. And so we wrestled with how do you deal with that of a child of a different faith, a different religion coming into your home and what we would do with that.

And then the only other thing for me that's been frustrating, which is probably mostly my fault is the re-education or the education classes that you have to take to get re-licensed. Trying to get all those hours in and fit that in the schedule.

Okay. John, what are some of the licensing frustrations you had on your side being a licensor? What were you frustrated with?

From a licensing perspective, it's a challenge sometimes because there is a large, big notebook of papers that have to be done for the application process. And it's challenging for the foster parents.

And they have a heart to work with children. They have a heart to go ahead and the children place with them, but they're having to fill out all this paperwork and get it all done. And it's a state requirement, but still it's just the challenge that they have to go through that.

And it's like Robert was expressing about the training that you have to do after you're licensed. In the Baptist Children's Home, we require 20 hours every two years and that's per foster parent. So that's 40 hours in the household that they have to do.

And that's in addition to their standard requirements of CPR and bloodborne pathogens and all the other different state requirements that are there. So the license component is a challenge when you think about the foster parents and everything that they're already providing to the children and to our communities.

And on top of that, they're having to do all the other extra things that we're asking them to do.

We'll just do a check again, make sure everybody's hearing okay. Everybody able to hear the sound and are we back on okay? Yes, we're back on. Sorry about that. No, no, no, that's okay. I'm just want to do that every once in a while and make sure we're all together.

We can still hear we're all together. Trent, Missy, I want to start with you. I want to ask you, what would you tell somebody? What would you tell somebody who's coming into fostering? If they're just coming into it, what's something they need to know.

They might not be aware of? That might be a loaded question, Jody. Gosh, you just can't wear your heart on your sleeve.

Rob and I talked about this at his church. So go ahead,.

And then I'm gonna get back to Robert real quick. There's so much acclimating and transitioning that happens on a daily moment by moment basis for us, for the children that we already care for, for our new placements, daily just working out.

We have, just based on the children that we've cared for so far, it takes about six months for there to begin a good foundation of trust. So it's a lot, a lot of work, but it's worth it.

And I think one of the things Why don't you share with me at your church?

Remember when we were talking about kids coming and going sometimes in the home? I'm gonna ask you to share with me how you dealt with that, because I don't want to take your thunder, but I never forgot that comment you shared with me.

Sheriff, I want to go back to you, because I think you wanted to say something, but you may have to refresh my memory on that comment. I'm sorry if I cut you off, but go ahead. I was just gonna say that, one of the things that almost everybody says is I couldn't do that because I would get attached.

And the thing we say in response to that is you are going to get attached. You are gonna bond with the child. I mean, there are relationships that are built, and I don't believe that you can do it right if you're not attached, if you don't form a bond.

I mean, the child needs to know that you love him or her, that those connections are there. That's an important thing.

Robert, do you remember that discussion now? I can't recall the quote. Refresh my memory. I remember asking you, how do you do it and not get attached to the children, knowing that they may be pulled or they may go back to their parents?

And you said something to me. I just wanted to see if you remember that, or explain how you deal with that then.

Well, I'm not Robert, but for me, there was a book that I had read after our first placement that I wish I had read prior to our first placement, because it so clearly just laid out what I felt like, well, what I wish I had known, but it was go all in with your heart, but guard your mind.

That's what you said to me, Robert.

You said, I've heard some people say, you gotta guard your heart, gotta guard your heart. You can't let your heart get into it. You said to me, no. No, you go all in with your heart, but what you have to do is prepare your mind that they could go back home.

And that's what I never forgot from you too. You guys shared from a different perspective that Sunday, and I never forgot that.

Yeah, and another thing too, is on the spiritual side of things, it is a real exercise in trusting the sovereignty of God. I mean, you come up with all these scenarios of what's best for that child, but you have really no say-so.

The only control that you have is when they are with you, and then you have no control when they come, when they leave, and what happens to them, what happened to them prior, and what happens to them, or what they're going through when they leave.

So it is a true exercise in trusting the sovereignty of God that he's got everything in his hands, and he's got everything under control, and that all things will work out together for good for those that love him and are called according to his purpose.

And so it is, if you want training and trusting in the Lord, foster care is where to be.

I'm gonna ask James and Bethany, how do you prepare your heart and mind? Now, I understand it's a little bit different because you have a desire to adopt this young lady, and she has a desire to stay, but how do you guard yourself against, you know, those things that could come in your mind?

You wanna tackle that one?

Wow. We communicate a lot with each other, and we let her be involved in that too, because I think sometimes with her being 17, she probably has felt in her life that she hasn't had a say, or she's had too much of a say where there wasn't a good balance, where she either was having to parent herself or not get any supervision.

So we're having to like learn to teach her how to look at God's word, how to pray, how to wait for answers, things like that. And we're having to do it as a team. And sometimes we've messed up, and we've had to say, you know what, we thought about this, and after we prayed about it and thought about it, we probably should have said it this way to you and not this way.

And so she's had to learn to be patient with us, and we've had to learn to be patient with her. Well, I appreciate your honesty.

About even saying sometimes maybe you didn't say the right thing, or maybe you, after thinking about it, thought you should have done it a different way. I think honesty, especially in teenagers, I'm learning that now, trust me, I have an 18-year-old and a 21-year-old, and I'm learning that just tell them when you messed up.

You know, I didn't handle that right, or whatever, just being honest with them is a big deal. Tripp, I'm gonna drop down to you, and Missy, I wanna ask you, tell me something rewarding that's happened to you guys since you started fostering.

Give me one rewarding experience.

So our second placement came in July of 2022, and he was with us until the week before Thanksgiving of 2023. And during that time, we taught him about the Lord, we took him to church, and when he went home, he did a trial home with his mom.

And during that time, we stayed in contact with her and just supported her. I don't know how much support she had outside of her BSS top team, but we got to see her reunite with him, and she regained full custody just last week.

And it was amazing because she is stronger, and just that the Lord gave us the opportunity to be part of her encouragement is such a blessing, and they're doing great.

You know, I think the goal, I hope the goal for most organizations, whether it's the state or an organization, is if we can reunite a child with their parents and make it healthy or create a healthy environment, that's what we want to do.

So I'm glad to hear that you had the opportunity to steward that child while the mom was doing whatever she needed to do to get things in order and to be healthy financially or otherwise, get things right, and then able to receive that child back again.

We want to hear the rewarding experiences, even though they're tough on you guys, we want to hear the rewarding experiences. So Robert, Kelly, what has been a rewarding experience for you guys?

I'll go, I have something. So we've mainly had younger children. And so what has been the most rewarding for us thus far has been seeing the growth in the children, whether it be the natural growth that would happen, you know, wherever they are, rolling over, crawling, taking their first steps.

It's, oh, it's so beautiful. And, but then also the other growth that we see in the children, where they were and where they come and seeing that growth in between has been so rewarding, just, you know, to see some of the fruit of our labor working with these children.

I think for, I think one, just one moment that sticks out for me is with our first placement, we had a three-year-old girl and it was sometime probably was between late December and sometime in January, we had done bath time and all that.

And we were just kind of winding down for the evening and she'd gotten a book for Christmas. And if I'm not mistaken, the book was like a Paw Patrol book or something that some little show that kids are interested in.

And she's sitting and she's turning the page and page after page that she's turning, she's saying, she's thinking that she's reading it saying, Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me over and over.

And I thought for the longest time, who knew that all the times that we took her to church, if it was making a difference and it absolutely did. Amen.

How about you that Eric says, while something rewarding that has happened to you along the journey so far, what kind of experience can you share with us?

Well, with her being 17, it's been quite different because we haven't been able to instill in her the things that we would teach our own children if we had them. And so we're having to go back. At first we thought, oh, we're gonna just go in their gung-ho and we're gonna tell her how it's gonna be and what we expect and all this stuff.

But when she came, we saw that she was very fragile and that was not gonna resonate with her. So we've had to take little tiny baby steps. And so we're having to address little bitty things at a time.

And so it's not that we're seeing like huge, huge growth all at once, but we're seeing a little bit of growth every day. And just her becoming more aware of her own actions and what she says and what she does has grown a whole lot.

And we've seen her grow spiritually as well. And so for that, like we're very grateful. She goes to the altar almost every Sunday. She's just got a lot that she's trying to work out and sort through with God and forgiving others and things like that.

So we've been able to help her along with that process.

One of those things is recognizing that her room is dirty. Okay, like when she first came here, it was like She didn't care. Didn't care. And then we would have to point it out to her.

Now, like she'll walk in and she's like, this room is a mess. And we're like, yes. Now if we can just get to the action part of it, where she'll want to clean it by herself without us saying, hey, you need to clean your room.