January 30, 2023 Show with Brigadier General Kevin Jarrard on “Marriage & Parenting God’s Way”

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Good afternoon, Cumberland County, Pennsylvania, Lake City, Florida, and the rest of humanity living on the planet Earth who are listening via live streaming at ironsharpensironradio .com. This is Chris Arnzen, your host of Iron Sharpens Iron Radio, wishing you all a happy Monday on this 30th day of January 2023.

I am thrilled to have back on this program as a returning guest, an old friend who has the same name but a new title and position in the United States Marine Corps. I have on the program a formerly Colonel Kevin Girard, who is now Brigadier General Kevin Girard, and he's also an elder at Grace Community Church of Dawsonville, Georgia, where Ray Rhodes, the very well-known author, is the senior pastor.

And today we're going to be addressing marriage and parenting God's way, and we'll also be announcing the 2023 Faith and Medicine Conference in Cumming, Georgia, and a subsequent speaking engagement where General Girard will be speaking there in Cumming.

And it is my honor and privilege to welcome you back to Iron Sharpens Iron Radio, Brigadier General Kevin Girard.

Thank you for having me back, Chris. It's always a real treat for me to be on your program, to remember all of our old friends there in Carlisle, Pennsylvania. I'm thankful for your ministry, brother, and I'm looking forward to talking with you about marriage and parenting.

And for the sake of our listeners who are not very familiar with what the different ranks in the military entail, tell us about what exactly are the responsibilities of a Brigadier General, and by the way, congratulations on that promotion, but if you could tell us about that.

Sure. Thank you, Chris. I'm honored to serve our country. I've been a Marine longer than I've been just about anything else, except maybe a son and.

A brother.

So, I am kind of privileged to serve our country. I've been mostly a reserve officer throughout the last 30 years, but significant periods of active service and being promoted to this rank will mean mostly active service from now to through the end of my career for several more years, but usually to whom much is given much is required, and so I have broad responsibilities for large numbers of Marines and various policies that affect their lives.

I'm headed in a few weeks to the 1st Marine Division, a storied Marine unit out in Camp Pendleton, California, where I'll spend most of the summer assigned there, but thankful for the opportunity to serve, Chris, and thankful for what the Lord has done.

I think any of us who have spent long years in uniform who are believers know that perhaps more than most that the Lord ordains all things. I'm thankful to have learned that lesson. He's preserved my life and kept me and directed my steps, so praise be to God.

Amen. Now, tell us about Grace Community Church of Dawsonville, Georgia.

Thank you for that opportunity, Chris. I think that's what I'm most excited about is our church. This is my hometown. There are six generations of Girards buried close to where we are here in beautiful North Georgia, but when we returned here after some years of active service, reformed theology was not something that could be found.

It was a theological wasteland, you might say, at Northeast Georgia, and so I was connected to Dr. Ray Rhodes through a mutual friend that connected us through a Ligonier conference, and Ray told me that he, too, was looking for a church, had been unable to find one, so we took a plunge and planted Grace Community Church in Dawsonville, Georgia, 16 years ago, I think, maybe if my math is correct, 16 years ago, and we have served alongside one another as the two elders there.

We're looking to add to our eldership as the church has grown, and the Lord has grown the church significantly, especially over the last few years, and so we've got a congregation of maybe 150 on Sunday mornings.

That's our normal attendance, and so we're thrilled to see what the Lord is doing there at Grace Community Church, and I'm honored to serve along Dr. Rhodes. He is working on what will be the definitive biography of Charles Spurgeon, and so we're excited for that book's publication, we hope, later this year, to go alongside his earlier volumes on Susie and their marriage.

Yeah, well, I definitely have to have Ray back on the program. He always proves to be a fascinating guest, and the most recent book that he wrote on Charles Spurgeon's wife that General Gerard just mentioned is titled Susie, the Life and Legacy of Susanna Spurgeon, Wife of Charles H. Spurgeon, and that is published by Moody Publications, and you can get that from our sponsors at Cumberland Valley Bible Book Service, cvbbs .com, that's C-V for Cumberland Valley, B-B-S for Bible Book Service dot com.

And by the way, the website for Grace Community Church of Dawsonville, Georgia, is GraceChurchDawsonville .org, GraceChurchDawsonville .org, and Dawson is spelled D-A-W-S-O-N, GraceChurchDawsonville .org.

Well, tell us also now about this speaking engagement that you have, I believe it is immediately following the 2023 Faith and Medicine Conference in Cumming, Georgia, that is being organized by Dr. Rhett Bergeron, who was my guest recently on Iron Trip and Zion Radio, and I look forward to having him back on the show.

He was an extremely fascinating guest as well, the founder of Real Health Medical, and so tell us about this conference where you are speaking on the very theme that we are addressing today.

Sure, Chris, Dr. Bergeron is a good friend, Cumming is maybe 30 minutes from where we are, a little less in Dawson, and so many of our members see Dr. Bergeron as their primary care provider or his clinics, and so he's a good friend to us, a good friend to Reformed Theology.

I spoke at the Faith and Medicine Conference last year just really about that very subject out, faith and medicine, and how we are to bring redeeming love to bear in our vocations, and so I enjoyed it very much.

He invited me to participate this year in a little bit different role, so the Faith and Medicine Conference is all day Friday and then finishes up about midday Saturday. The biblical counseling module is sort of stapled on to the backside of that, and the reason that it has become associated is really because in the world of biblical counseling, we know that spiritual issues affect the body and vice versa, the body affects our spirit in many ways, and so one of the most common recommendations that we have as biblical counselors is to recommend that some of our counselees get a full physical at the outset of counseling to see if there are any physiological issues that could be affecting the inner man, so to speak, and so Dr. Bergeron's practice is always a good place to refer folks to to just get a good head-to-toe checkup to see if there are any physiological factors that could be creating some issues.

So the relationship between the inner man and the outer man is not something that we ignore as biblical counselors, the Bible talks frequently about that relationship between the inner man and the outer man, and so we're thankful to have Christian medical providers like Dr. Bergeron who are willing to help us with that relationship.

Well once again, let me give the website where you can find out more information about this conference, which is coming up very soon, February 3rd and February 4th, which is this Saturday and Sunday, February...

Friday and Saturday, I think, Chris, Friday and Saturday.

Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, you're right. It's this Friday and Saturday, sorry about that, folks. This Friday and Saturday, February 3rd and 4th, the website is faithandmedicine .org, faithandmedicine .org, and you can find out all about the Faith and Medicine Conference as well as the speaking engagement where General Girard will be speaking.

And by the way, we already have a listener question. My questions for General Girard. Are you intimidated working beside celebrity pastor and author Ray Rhodes? Are you scared of him and awe of him? Is hero worship a temptation for you?

And that was written by Ray Rhodes.

The answer is a resounding yes to all of those, Chris. I will be sure to put him in his place privately, privately, Chris.

You know, I have met Ray at many conferences I have attended. I've interviewed him several times. I've had long chats with him, and that is definitely the funniest thing he's ever said to me anyway.

Well, we are longtime fans of the Andy Griffith Show, and so we routinely refer to ourselves as Andy and Barney. But there is some debate about which one of us is which. One of us is Andy and the other is Barney, Chris.

I'll let others decide who is who.

By the way, let me give our email address to all of the other listeners who may have a question for you on marriage and parenting God's way. It's ChrisArnzen at gmail .com, C-H-R-I-S-A-R-N-Z-E-N at gmail .com.

As always, give us your first name at least, your city and state, and your country of residence. Please only remain anonymous if your question involves a personal and private matter, and could readily understand with a subject like marriage and parenting, I keep mispronouncing parenting.

Marriage and parenting, I could readily understand people having personal and private questions. And so you may remain anonymous if that is the case, if you are indeed asking a question that involves marriage and parenting that is personal and private.

But otherwise, if it's just a general question about what the Bible has to say about those very important issues, please give us your first name at least, city and state, and country of residence. Now, starting off with marriage, this is obviously, as I already mentioned, a very crucial area in the life of Christians.

And it's also very often an area that really, perhaps even more aggressively than any other area of life, tests the authenticity of whether or not the husband and wife are truly regenerate, are truly children of God.

Because, obviously, living with someone day in and day out, and going through some of the most trying times together in life, as well as the most joyful times in life, that can really be a place where one's faith, as it were, is put to the test, as they say, when the rubber meets the road.

And tell us about that, as far as how marriage is really that testing ground, and I'm getting emails as we speak, that's kind of why I'm speaking so clumsily right now, but tell us about that.

It's interesting, in the course of biblical counseling, when a couple will come to receive marital counseling, that really is the first thing we talk about, is the gospel. Because marital challenges may be the first time that their faith has really been tested, and so the first thing that we'll attempt to ascertain is, am I dealing with a husband and a wife who are both regenerate, who are both truly believers, or is perhaps one of the two a false convert?

Maybe they thought they were converted, but in the course of counseling, they're either converted through the course of counseling, or their faith is tested in such a way that they reject the gospel completely and walk away.

So really, before we get into whatever the problems are, the challenges that they're experiencing, I think we begin with the foundation of the gospel. Does each party, the husband and the wife, are they truly believers?

Do they understand the gospel? And are they truly united with Christ? And then we move on from there. And of course, if they are believers, if they are in Christ, then there is great hope that the problems in the marriage can be appropriately addressed and that there can be reconciliation and joy.

And even for the case of an unbeliever, what we're working towards is their conversion. And there is hope there also that Jesus is merciful and come to Christ, and then the problems in the marriage are the symptoms.

They're not the real problem oftentimes, Chris.

We have a listener in Metro Manila in the Philippines, Ramon, who has a question. And the question is, I was just looking at it, and now I can't find it. While I'm looking for it, our email address is chrisarnson at gmail .com.

Chrisarnson at gmail .com. Oh, OK, I just found it. Can General Gerard explain what Ephesians chapter 6 verse 4 means and give some tips about it? Well, let me read that. Ephesians chapter 6 verse 4, I'm reading from, of course, the New American Standard Bible, sponsors of this program.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Very good question, because there may be people who are parents who try to justify their ill treatment of their children by redefining what it means to provoke your children to anger.

So what do you think it means?

Yeah, I would first commend the book. I'm going to be sharing the platform this Saturday with Lou Priolo, Chris, and he is one of my heroes in the biblical counseling world. And his book, I told him this once before.

I'll tell him again Saturday. His book, The Heart of Anger, really transformed me as a father. And anger is the sin that is most vexing to me in many ways. And so Lou's book, The Heart of Anger, really helped me in my journey as a Christian father.

But I think to answer Ramon's question, all discipline is of two forms, formative and corrective. And when we hear the word discipline, that often has negative connotations in our culture. It's lamentable because it should not be universally associated with punishment.

But that's really the way it's used in our culture. If you're going to discipline a child, people will think you're going to punish them. But I found there's an inverse relationship between formative discipline, which is training, and corrective discipline, which is what we normally associate with some sort of sanctions or punishment.

The less training there is, the more punishment there is. The more training that takes place in the home, father to his children, the less need there is for what we normally associate with as punishment, corrective discipline.

And I'll give a simple example. If I want my son to clean his room and I make a habit of going in with him each morning and very cheerfully working alongside him, OK, son, let me show you how to make the bed.

Let's tuck in this and let's pick this up and pick that up. And it's something that we joyfully do together so that I can show him, teach him, train him what the standard is for cleaning the task, cleaning your room.

It's a happy time for he and I to spend together. Then a few mornings, a few weeks down the road when all I have time to do is say, son, I need you to clean your room. He immediately understands the standard and has some some happy memories of he and dad doing that together.

And so when I come back to inspect his work, I'm pleased with the outcome. I think too often we just tell our children to do this, do that, we bark orders and then we're frustrated with the outcome. And that leads, frustration often leads to provoking our children to anger.

I think that's what the scripture means. Ephesians 6, 4, that we have unrealistic or unreasonable expectations of our children and therefore it provokes them to anger, Chris.

Excellent question, Ramon, and I think an excellent answer. Thank you. Keep listening to Iron Trip and Zion Radio there in the Philippines and keep spreading the word about the program there in your native country and beyond.

Speaking of which, you are obviously, you've been announced and identified as a brigadier general in the United States Marine Corps. You've been in the Marines, as you put it, longer than anything else you've been doing in your life.

Obviously, your primary guidance and influence and not only just being a man and going about all the day to day activities all men in general are involved in, your greatest influence is not only the triune God and the Holy Spirit dwelling within you and the scriptures, but how has being a Marine affected your life and perhaps given you a unique way of living out your life as a husband and a parent?

Has being a Marine benefited the way you make decisions and the way you conduct yourself as a husband and parent?

Well, I think that any, for all of us, our vocation and the training that we undergo as part of our vocation, as we bring that home, so to speak, it's usually a double edged sword. And I would say it's the same in the case of my training as a Marine.

There is much that I think that is beneficial, Chris, that I'm able to think methodically. I'm really a professional planner in many ways. And so planning and attention to detail and imposing order on chaos are things that I learned in three decades as a Marine.

And I hope that has had a positive impact on my marriage and my children. The other edge of that sword, however, is when from time to time, my wife and children have gently reminded me that they are not Marines.

My home is not a Marine Corps base, and so I'm thankful that I have a godly wife and godly children who help me, help remind me of the appropriate spheres that I live in. While I may be recognized by our government as a general, when I come into our home, the rank that I hold is father and husband.

And that's a very different proposition and comes with a whole different set of responsibilities. And I need to bring different skills to bear. But I hope as a Marine, what I have modeled for my family, Chris, is Romans 13, that being in the service of our country, bearing the sword is a occupation that God has ordained.

He has given us governments as a good gift and that those who bear the sword are to be a scourge to evildoers and a blessing to those that do good. And so that's certainly been my charge as a Marine straight from Romans 13 on behalf of my family and on our country, that I have fulfilled that that God given calling for all soldiers, that they are to be to bear the sword in the cause of justice.

When disciplining your children, does the phrase drop and give me 50 ever come up?

Well, more so with the boys than the girls, perhaps, you know, my my girls have soft places in my heart for my girls. My boys have probably borne the brunt of my Marine-esque discipline, Chris. But I think they have forgiven me for my excesses when I did not take off my uniform, so to speak, before I came in the door.

And that's something that they can chuckle about now. Our baby is 19 years old. So all of our children are grown for the most part. And so they they tend to laugh about those things now that they're a little older.

Huh. We're going to our first station break, folks. If you have a question, once again, our email address is Chris Arnzen at Gmail dot com. C-H-R-I-S-A-R-N-Z-E-N at Gmail dot com. As always, give us your first name, at least your city and state and your country of residence.

Please only remain anonymous if your question involves a personal and private matter. Don't go away. We'll be right back with Brigadier General Kevin Girard and Marriage and Pantering God's Way, Parenting God's Way, right after these messages.

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That's royaldiadem .com. Always mention Chris Arnzen of Iron Sherpa and Zion Radio. We're now back with our guest, Brigadier General Kevin Girard, and we are talking about marriage and parenting God's way.

If you have a question, our email address is ChrisArnzen at gmail .com. ChrisArnzen at gmail .com. Give us your first name at least, your city and state, and your country of residence. We have an anonymous listener who asks, Brigadier General Girard, how free are you as a general in the United States Marine Corps to speak openly, without hesitation, what the Bible teaches about marriage and parenting?

General Girard. Thanks for the question. Yeah, thanks for the question, Chris. In as much as it is part of my duties to do so, I feel very free, Chris. It's not something that comes up every day. I'm an infantryman by trade, but I certainly am very comfortable openly talking about my own family, my own wife, and offering any encouragement I can to those that ask.

And just supporting the families that are part of my responsibility and looking after Marines, taking care of their families often is part of that duty. And so in my spheres, which are somewhat limited to the infantry units that I've been a part of, I have never really had my faith challenged in any way as openly by any sort of hostility.

So I'm thankful for that. I realize that my experience may be unique, and that others may have experienced some challenges in living out their faith before the watching world. But I think the closer you are to interpersonal violence in the course of our duties and war fighting, the easier it is to bring reality to bear.

And of course, we believe the Bible is true because one of the reasons we believe the Bible is true is that it corresponds to reality, the correspondence view, that the truths of the Bible correspond to reality, which is one of the ways that we can be confident that the Bible is true, Chris.

Excellent question, Anonymous. And if you are a first-time questioner, please email me your full name and mailing address. Obviously, that information will not be disclosed to the public because you have won, if indeed you are a first-time questioner, a free New American Standard Bible, compliments of the publishers of the NASB, and also compliments of Cumberland Valley Bible Book Service, cvbbs .com, who will be shipping that Bible out to you free of charge.

So let us know if you are indeed a first-time questioner. I think one of the things that attendees of a conference, such as the one where you are speaking, or even those that are seeking biblical counseling over marriage or parenting, or anything else for that matter, is that they want to learn something that they didn't already know.

Obviously, it's always valuable to be reminded of things that you already do know, things that you already knew the Bible taught you, but it's also, I think, probably something that those who are either attendees at a conference or those that are undergoing counseling, they're here and learn something that they didn't even think of before, and therefore, that means they are likely doing things wrong.

And they may be even unaware that they're doing things wrong. Obviously, when any of us is overtly committing a sin and a clear violation of the Scriptures, we typically all know that, that when we are doing that.

But there are times when we are just unconscious that we are not thinking and acting biblically. Can you give us some ways that you think, even many Christians are doing marriage and parenting—I don't know why I'm having a hard time saying parenting—doing marriage and parenting the wrong way?

Can you give us some of those issues that you may have even experienced, those that you have counseled or those that have visited a conference will even approach you and say, wow, I didn't even think of that?

Sure, Chris. When I was young and foolish, I had a romantic view of family life, I think, in as much as I thought that if I could just build a castle and dig a deep moat and raise the drawbridge and my wife and I could create a perfect little environment in which to raise our children, we didn't need anything else, that our family was sufficient to raise godly children.

We were a homeschool family for most of our lives, and so I thought if I could wall off the world that the enemy was out there somewhere and that my primary duty was to protect my family from the world out there.

And then one of the ways the Lord helped me is that he taught me that marriage and parenting in particular are really team sports, and what we need more as much as anything else is the body of Christ to help us in our marriage and in our parenting duties, and for most believers, the body of Christ means our membership and commitment to the local church.

And so if I could give one piece of marital advice, one piece of parenting advice to Christians, it would be to love the church as Christ loved the church, meaning you're willing to sacrifice everything else for the church.

What I normally say, I try to exaggerate to make my point, but it's really not much of an exaggeration, that I'm at church every time the doors are open because my life, my marriage, my family depends upon it.