40 Ways To Insure Failure In Life

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Have Faith In God - [Mark 4:36-41]

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Things do trigger off titles, song titles, words, what have you, trigger off things in our mind and that's kind of what
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I intended when I picked tonight's sermon title, 40 Ways to Ensure Failure in Life.
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What kind of a sermon title is that? What kind of a sermon is that? Well, despite its title, this is a sermon about how to achieve real biblical success.
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God does want you to be successful. God wants his children to be successful.
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Now, not in the blab it and grab it idea that the televangelist would put out, but God wants you to be successful as he defines success.
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How does God define success? But he tells us in his word, in Joshua, he says, for then you will make your way prosperous.
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And then you will have good success, that's Joshua 1 .8. Or Paul says,
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I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need, in Philippians.
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In other words, he says, I have learned that whatever God has for me, whatever condition he chooses to place me in,
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I have learned how to abound in that condition, whatever it is. I have learned,
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Paul says, how to be successful in God's terms. Because biblical success isn't measured by stuff and things.
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It isn't having your dreams come true. It isn't having a nice home or a perfect family.
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Success is not having everyone like you or having everyone think you're attractive or being amazed at your brilliance and your competence.
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You should dump the world's definition of success right now, because that is their definition.
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You may have seen the bumper sticker that says, he who dies with the most toys wins. There's another bumper sticker that's more to the point.
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He who dies with the most toys is dead. You know, and then who shall these things be, the
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Bible says. So what is biblical success? Biblical success, and this is a good definition, is the science of living blessedly.
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Biblical success is the art of living life within God's favor and under his watchful eye.
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In short, biblical success is that God is pleased with you, not that men are impressed with you.
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I'll say that again. Biblical success is that God is pleased with you, not that men are impressed by you.
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And so tonight's sermon truly is a little bit out of the ordinary pattern. We're not going to be going through a passage verse by verse.
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We're actually going to be looking at bullet points from Solomon. We're going to be looking at things that Solomon had to say, all directed at how to live, how to deal with other people, both
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Christians and non -Christians, because let's be honest with ourselves, there are a lot of clumsy
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Christians out there, a lot of clumsy Christians. They think they know what it means to be a
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Christian. They can give all the biblical answers. If you ask them, what does it mean to be a
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Christian, they can rattle it off. The trouble is their lives, to put it bluntly, are a mess.
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They aren't successful in the biblical sense because true biblical success comes when we, number one, understand that God wants us to find true success, as he defines it.
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He wants us to learn to live under his blessing and under his favor. He wants us to walk in the fear and the reverence of God.
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He wants us to become dependent upon his presence. He wants us to become dependent upon his presence.
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Men, when you go to work Monday morning, you should be conscious of the presence of God, and you should ask before the day starts, make that one of the things you ask for, is a sense of his presence in your life.
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Because Christianity is supposed to be practical, right? It's not something that we do on Sunday to the exclusion of what we do the other six days out of the week.
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And finally, biblical success, true biblical success is acquiring wisdom by studying the word of God.
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God wants us to be wise with true biblical wisdom.
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So what does it take to be successful? Well, there are many things to that, but one aspect, and the one I want to look at tonight, is learning to work and play well with others.
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Remember your days in kindergarten? Works and plays well with others. Well, we make jokes about that, but that is one of the things that we need to learn to do.
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Christians are supposed to be pleasant to be around. Christians should be regarded by their fellows and their co -workers as perhaps a little strange because of their beliefs, but nice people, people that are good to be around.
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We're glad they're here. We're glad they're here. Solomon had a lot to say about that.
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It seems from Proverbs that there are just as many people running around acting like jerks in Solomon's day as there are in ours.
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So he has a lot of things to say. Now, my friend,
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Pastor Tommy Nelson, by the way, most of this sermon comes out of his book, The Twelve Essentials of Godly Success, but Tommy tells of being in the placement office at Dallas Seminary one day and there was a stack of resumes sitting on a table.
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And he asked the placement man, who was his friend, he said, now, what's part of these?
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And the fellow said, well, those are the resumes of graduate students that we can't place.
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And he asked him, he said, well, what's wrong? You know, thinking, of course, that well is there something theologically wrong with them?
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Is there something morally wrong with them? And the fellow said, oh, no, no, no, they're theologically sound, but they can't get along with other human beings.
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So we can't place them in a church. And those men, quite frankly, unless they change that by God's grace, are never going to be successful in God's terms.
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So here, without further ado, are 40 things from Solomon that you can do to absolutely positively ensure that your life will be a total shambles.
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I've chosen to present them as negatives. You can put them, present them as positives if you want by simply putting don't in front of each one, okay?
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All right, number one, be a loner. Want to drive people away?
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Be a loner. Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire. He breaks out against all sound judgment.
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That's Proverbs 18 .1. Now, people run from personal connections not because they're godly, but because they are selfish.
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At root. They don't want other people making demands on their valuable time, making demands on their resources, having any kind of impact in their lives.
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You know, they want to basically be one man band. But the Bible knows nothing of the
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Lone Ranger Christian. We are basically designed to be in a family, which is why the local church exists.
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Now, I know there are exceptions. We all know stories of missionaries that have been sent off in God's grace and in God's provision.
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They've been sent off to labor by themselves sometimes for decades. But that's the exception. That's not the rule.
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We are told to gather ourselves together. We are not to abandon the gathering together of ourselves as the manner of some is,
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Paul says. You know, we are to come together. We are to come together for fellowship.
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We are to come together to worship God. We are to come together to be instructed in his word. We are a family.
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We are to support each other. We are not made, we are not made to go it alone.
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Just like God said about Adam, it is not good for the man to be alone. I'm going to make a helper for him.
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Well, it is not good for the Christian to be alone. We need other
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Christians around us. We need to support one another.
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We need to pray for one another. We need to be, we need to regard the interests of others as more important than our own interests.
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We need all of those things. We need that. And so, don't be a loner, don't be a loner.
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Now, I'm not going to expand on each and every one of these or we'd be here all night, so don't worry.
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The next thing we can do is be a bad listener, be a bad listener.
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If one gives an answer before he hears it, it is his folly and shame, Proverbs 18, 13.
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Nobody likes to be interrupted, particularly not in a way that indicates that the other person hasn't been listening to them in the first place, right?
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And for, there was a time, Dallas used to teach speech and communication and she actually had a time where she taught this to the sergeant's major academy in Fort Bliss and, you know, pretty strong willed guys.
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And one of the things that she would have them do in exercises is, you know, you would have a round table discussion going, but you couldn't speak until you had summarized what the previous person had said, and it drove them crazy, because the truth of the matter is, we don't listen, we're getting ready with what we're going to say, you know, we're coming up with our rebuttal, we're not listening to the other person's presentation as a rule.
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And it drove these men nuts, you know, which of course, was the intention all along. But the truth of the matter is, some people, some people, we simply don't listen to what the other person is saying.
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Now, in particular, husbands and wives, take note of this, okay? Husbands in particular, listen to your wife, because one of the things that, one of the differences that sets men apart from women is that, you know, men are doers, but women like to talk about things, that's the way they communicate.
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And so, take time to listen to your wife. One of these days,
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I may actually learn to do that, but in the meantime, no, seriously, learn to be a good listener.
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If you want to have biblical success, learn to listen well. The next thing, give, and this is tied to it, give your opinion before somebody asks for it.
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It says, a prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims folly,
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Proverbs 12 .23. Nobody likes to be around to know it all. And some people just never grasp the fact that others do not share their own high opinion in regard for themselves and for their opinions.
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A wise man, a mark of the wise man is that he doesn't tell everything he knows.
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You ever meet somebody and 10 minutes after you first met them, you've heard their life story? You know, the type of person who is, you know, it's kind of like the
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Mississippi, an inch deep, a mile wide. But the wise man waits quietly and makes you draw him out.
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He doesn't tell you everything that he knows. He, little by little, lets you draw it out of him.
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That's the way to be. People like to be around individuals like that.
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Also, on personal relations and speaking to one another, be argumentative. That's a good way to make sure that nobody wants to be around you.
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Be argumentative. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God. Now, that's
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Matthew, Matthew 5, 9. But do you constant men, again,
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I'll talk to the men a lot tonight. Do you constantly correct your spouse? Quit it.
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Don't do that. Nobody wants to be around a person who has to challenge everything they said.
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And not everything that is said needs to be challenged. You can run across people, you probably know somebody, who, you know, at high noon, they'll argue if you say the sun came up this morning.
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Because that's just, they say that's just the way they are. Well, don't be like that. People that can't let anything pass.
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Well, guess what? Nobody admires them for their oratorical skills. Nobody admires people like that for their oratorical skills.
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But everybody admires the peacemaker. Everybody wants to be around the peacemaker.
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The individual that knows how to pour oil on the water. That's the kind of person.
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Not being constantly combative, constantly argumentative. They know when to let something slide.
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And by contrast, they also know when things are to be confronted. Some things need to be confronted. And right then, but they know when, which is which.
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Now, here's one. You want to ruin your life? Be unforgiving. It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.
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Proverbs 23. Now, what you want to do here is keep a list of every hurt ever done to you.
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Every time you've ever been slighted in life, every time you've been offended by something somebody does, you know, make sure you put that on the list.
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And then take this list out periodically and review it so that you make sure that nobody gets away with anything and nothing slips.
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You don't forget anything, see. And never let anything go. And that way, you will absolutely ensure that you'll end up old and bitter and friendless.
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That is not success. And every one of us, I guarantee, if you don't know somebody like that now, you will.
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Because there are a lot of people in their lives that that is the pattern of their life. They never let anything go.
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What does the Bible says? The Bible says love covers a multitude of sins. Love covers a multitude of sins.
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A lot of things in our lives, we should just let go. Because in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?
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Have that attitude and let things just don't make a big issue out of it.
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If we learn to do that, first of all, our own lives will be a lot simpler and a lot smoother.
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And again, people like to be around people that are like that, that don't take offense at every little thing.
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Or how about this one? Say things that cut people off at the knees. There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
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That's Proverbs 12, 18. Nobody likes to be around a verbal bully.
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He humiliates and dominates other people with his tongue. The tongue is a vicious weapon.
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The Bible warns against it over and over and over and over again. You know, if we're going to license something, we should probably license tongues instead of guns.
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Because quite frankly, the tongue can do more damage than a gun can do. The unbridled tongue can crush your spouse.
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It can crush your child. You know, it can crush someone that you work with in a split second.
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And the thing about saying things is that once it's said, you cannot get it back.
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It cannot be unsaid. Even in a situation where one spouse says something to the other, hurtful, unkind, later begs forgiveness, forgiveness is given.
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But the fact remains, it was still said and you can't unsay it.
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So be very, very cautious with what you say. Learn to watch your mouth.
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If there's any single thing that will smooth your path in life, that's it.
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Learn to watch your mouth. Don't blurt things out. Because once it's out there, it can't be erased.
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It can't be taken back. In that same way, another way is to explode when you get mad.
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Proverbs says, a brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle,
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Proverbs 18, 18. Now, this is a great one for the home. Again, if you exploded someone, you can't ever take it back.
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You can't just say, I'm sorry, now can we just move on? It doesn't work like that.
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One of the things we have to teach our children, we teach our children to say, I'm sorry, right? Which we should do.
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But the thing, the next part of that lesson is, is that after you've said, I'm sorry, you still have to clean up the mess.
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Because saying, I'm sorry, doesn't make the spill milk go away. It doesn't make the broken vase, you know, put it back together, whatever it is.
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So that, you know, saying, I'm sorry, is a good thing to teach a child, but it doesn't excuse.
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And some people use, I'm sorry, as thinking, well, that makes everything back just exactly like it was, and it doesn't do that.
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It doesn't do that. Things stay. Things stay.
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You can't just move on. Because even though the relationship will never again be exactly the same as it was, after something has exploded.
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So, you know, interpersonal relationships, another way to look at it, if you make a habit, if you make a habit of kicking your dog in the head every time you see him, it's not going to be very long before that dog does not come when you whistle.
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Well, people are like that, too. If every time someone speaks to you, you snap their head off, they're not going to talk to you very much.
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You know, husbands and wives, that if you wonder why husbands, if you wonder why your wife quit talking to you, well, think about how you have reacted to her.
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And the reverse is true, too. You know, think of how you react to each other.
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Learn to watch your mouth. And learn to control your anger. I mean, we have good psychological names for it now.
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We call it anger management. It's just learning to keep, it's just learning to keep your emotions in control.
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Don't let your emotions rule you. You are supposed to rule your emotions. Your head is supposed to rule your heart.
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Your head is supposed to be in charge. And that's one of the things, young parents, that you must teach your children as they grow.
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You must teach them to control their emotions in general and specifically to control their anger.
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If they don't learn to do that, they are going to have a very, very hard time in life.
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That's one of the most important lessons you can teach a child, aside from their need for a savior, is how to control their anger, how to control their emotions.
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Now, here's another one. You'll love this. Be overly blunt. A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
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Proverbs 29, 11. Don't you just cringe when you get around somebody that says, well,
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I believe in being honest. You know, you just know.
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This is, first of all, a person that has no grace. No grace whatsoever.
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I haven't got the concept of grace. Don't know what it is. Don't know how to be gracious. You know, they've got to say, they've got to blurt out the first thing that comes into their minds.
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They have no concept of how to state things in a good way, how to couch what they have to say in proper terms so that it doesn't offend.
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They just have no concept of how to do that. And so they blurt out the first thing that pops into their head, and usually a big awkward pause follows after that, you know, while other people are going around wondering, can you believe what he just said?
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You know, and so they've never learned to discern what to say and when to say it.
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Not everything that pops into your head has to be said. Not everything that pops into your head is appropriate to be said, you know.
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And we need to learn, learn to modulate your speech, learn to moderate your speech, excuse me.
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Nobody wants to be around somebody that is so brutally blunt. So now a few others.
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Another good way to make sure that nobody wants to be around you very much is drop the ball when people are relying upon you.
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Like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes is the slugger to those who send him,
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Proverbs 10 .26. These are people that can't be relied on.
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They can't be relied on. Even if they say they'll do this, they'll do that, they never follow through.
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They've always got an excuse, you know, they've always got an excuse, but the bottom line is you can't count on these people for everything, for anything.
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So what's the lesson? Don't be irresponsible. Don't be irresponsible.
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If you do, people will draw away from you because you can't be counted on.
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Do what you've agreed to do. And if you do, you will draw people to yourself.
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You know, some people have trouble ever saying, no, I can't do that because I don't have time, you know,
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I'm already committed, I'm whatever it is. But learn to say that. Don't promise things you can't deliver.
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If you want people to rely on you and to regard you as somebody that they want to be around, reliability is way up on the list.
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Back in the days when we were a more agrarian society, men placed extreme value on the fact that somebody was reliable, that their neighbors could be relied upon to do whatever it is they said they could do.
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That a man's word was his bond. Once a man had given his word, then you didn't need a contract.
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My great -grandfather was a man of some means, bought and sold a lot of cotton and agricultural products and cattle and what have you.
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Never used anything except his handshake. Because in his town, it was known that if Ed Watkins shook your hand and said that I will deliver 100 head of cattle on the next day, they would all be there.
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In fact, 101 would be there to make sure that 100 got there. And if you can trust a man's word, what do you need a contract for?
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And if you can't trust a man's word, what good is a contract going to do you? That's the way men thought in those days.
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So don't drop the ball. Don't drop the ball when people are relying upon you. Another way to ensure that your life will be a disaster is to be selfish.
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The people curse him who holds back grain, but a blessing is on the head of him who sells it,
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Proverbs 11 .26. There is a difference between being frugal and being stingy.
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Being frugal is a virtue. Being stingy is a sin. You look at men like characters spring to mind like Ebenezer Scrooge.
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Ebenezer Scrooge was stingy. You know, he hung on to every coin so much that his fingerprints were impressed into the metal.
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You know, but God, nowhere in the Bible are we commanded to hoard.
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Nowhere in the Bible are we commanded to hoard what God gives us. Solomon also said in the book of Ecclesiastes that the things that come to us, whatever it is, whatever measure of wealth we are given, whatever possessions we are given, that's it, they're given.
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God placed those in our hands. He placed those in our hands to enjoy. He placed those in our hands to use.
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He also placed those in our hands to be a blessing to other people. Francis Schaeffer refers to what he calls the compassionate use of wealth and chides
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Christians in general for lacking in that particular area.
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God gives us whatever money he gives us that we are to sow, we are to be a blessing to others. The doctrine of the full barns comes out of that, that the man that gives generously and liberally will in fact receive generously and liberally.
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And don't make the mistake of saying, well, if I give, God has to give back to me. That's not the way it works.
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That's not what it means. The principle is we are to give and rely upon God, but learn to give liberally.
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Another one, make fun of other people. Whoever mocks the poor insults his maker.
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He who is glad at calamity will not go unpunished, Proverbs 17, 5.
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German, the German language has some great words in it. The Germans assemble words together and make a new word out of that that means whatever they want to mean.
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And one of them is schadenfreude. And schadenfreude means malicious pleasure at the misfortune of others.
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And what Solomon is saying here is don't have schadenfreude. You know, don't take pleasure out of the misfortune of other people.
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God hates it when people make sport of the pain of other people. But isn't that so much a part of our makeup as human beings?
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Don't we do that so much? It's, I mean, every comic that's ever been on burlesque found out that as soon as you slip on the banana, people will laugh, right?
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We tend to laugh at the misfortunes of other people. But God does not make sport of us, so why should we make sport of his children?
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God heals us. Making fun of other people is a mark of immaturity.
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Children do that. That's another thing that parents need to break their children of doing. But it's time for us to grow up.
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We are to find our security in Christ and leave other people alone. Now, here's one for you.
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Be two -faced. Blessings are on the head of the righteous, Solomon says, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence,
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Proverbs 10 .6. Wicked people smile at your face and stab you in the back. They smile at your face, stab you in the back.
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But the trouble with stabbing someone in the back is that eventually they turn around and you have to face them face to face.
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They tend to do that. The, every company's got backstabbers and everybody knows who they are, right?
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And what happens? They get avoided. You don't want to deal with those people because you're constantly having to look out for what's going to come next.
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And there's enough stress connected with your job. You don't need that added to it. So again, you want to make sure your life's a shambles?
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Be two -faced. Be two -faced and then you can wonder why people don't want to deal with you.
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And here's another one in the same vein. Be a gossip. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps the thing covered,
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Proverbs 11 .13. One of the quickest ways to ruin your relationship with anybody is to reveal something that you learned in confidence.
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One of the quickest ways to ruin your relationship with somebody is to reveal something about them that you learned in confidence.
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You only get once to do that. Nobody wants to find their affairs on the evening news, which is why both the
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Old Testament and the New Testament come down very hard on gossips. Now, why is that?
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Gossiping satisfies some of the worst impulses of the old sin nature because what happens?
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The gossiper becomes what? The center of attention. All of a sudden, the gossiper is the center of attention and he's making himself or herself look good and look important and look knowledgeable while at the same time tearing down the person they're gossiping about, making them look bad.
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The Bible says don't do that. Don't do that. Don't be a tail bearer, it says.
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Be trustworthy with the secrets that you have and keep them to yourself.
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It was interesting, Dallas and I used to, when we were relatively first married, we lived next to a lady who was an executive secretary and asked her one time, you know, what is the single most important characteristic of an executive secretary?
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And her answer was the ability to keep your mouth shut because a good executive secretary hears everything that her boss hears.
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She's always there. She's in every meeting. Those were the days when, you know, you took shorthand and the notes were typed up like that and those before recordings and all that kind of thing.
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But a good executive secretary is literally her boss's right hand and nothing that is said in his office she does not hear.
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And if she can't keep quiet, she's not going to have that job very long. So, don't be a gossip, don't be a tail bearer.
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Anything that is shared with you in secret, keep it to yourself. And if you don't know for sure if somebody would like you to share something, then don't.
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Use a lot of wisdom on that. Okay, moving on. Be an inflexible controlling perfectionist.
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It's a great way to win friends and influence people. Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean but abundant crops come from the strength of the ox,
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Proverbs 14 .4. Now, to get work done, you have to have oxen. And wherever you have oxen, you're going to have some byproducts from the oxen.
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But what do you want to have? You want to have a clean barn or get the work done? You know, real life, real life, things are not always neat and clean and perfect.
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You know, there's messes, there's nicks in the wall, there's all this stuff. And so, we can't always have life exactly the way we want it to be.
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So, learn to flex, learn to flex. Learn when it's appropriate to flex.
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There are times when it's not appropriate to flex. But a lot of the time, you know, it's just that, you know, we've decided to dig our heels in.
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Learn to be flexible. Learn to be flexible. You're a much nicer person to be around. Because it's true, life isn't going to go exactly the way you want it to go all the time.
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You have to be, you have to make allowances. You need to have a plan but be ready to adjust the plan as necessary.
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So now, here we go back a little bit to speech and all that kind of thing. Another one is be insensitive.
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Whoever, I love this proverb, whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice rising early in the morning will be counted as cursing,
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Proverbs 27, 14. Now, what on earth does that mean? Well, consider this, consider this.
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Solomon, I suspect Solomon was probably up early some morning. You know, he's out on the palace roof.
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And down, down in the street down there comes Moshe. And Moshe stops in front of Eliezer's house.
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And you have to understand that giving a blessing in Jewish society was not just, you know,
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God bless you. It was this big deal, you know, with a lot of pronunciations, you know, and, you know, may your wife be fruitful like Ruth and like Esther and may your, you know, the whole thing.
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And so, here's this guy, here's Moshe standing out in front of Eliezer's house at 5 o 'clock in the morning pronouncing a blessing very loudly.
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And then he goes off down the road feeling great, you know, except now what?
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Well, now all of a sudden the lights are on at Eliezer's house. The baby's awake.
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You know, the neighbors are up looking out the windows wondering what on earth has been going on. The right words but the wrong time.
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Solomon puts it well in Ecclesiastes, there is a time and a season for everything. There's a time and a season for everything.
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There's a time and a place to speak up and a time and a place to shut up. Good words spoken at the wrong time can be a curse.
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5 AM is not a good time to stand in front of your neighbor's house pronouncing a blessing. That's a good thing to do maybe but no when, no when.
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And the next one follows right along with that, be unsympathetic and unfeeling. Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day and the vinegar on soda which foams up.
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Proverbs 25 .20, learn again, learn to be sensitive to the time and the place before you put your mouth in gear.
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One particular example, let's say a young couple has lost their infant and they're grieving over that loss.
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That is not the time to say, well, this is God's will and we have to accept this.
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That's not the time to say that. That's not the time to say that. The statement might be correct but it's not the time to point it out.
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We are to rejoice, the Bible says, with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Remember, when
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Jesus came specifically to raise Lazarus from the dead, he took time to grieve with Mary and Martha before he went out to the cemetery.
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Even though he knew what he was about to do, he still took time to grieve with them.
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He had time for that. Be sensitive as to time and place. There's a time to speak, there's a time to not say anything.
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In a similar situation, I can give you a personal example, the same sort of thing.
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Dallas and I had lost our infant and I remember clearly people being there.
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I don't remember a single thing that anyone said because most of them didn't say anything.
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They didn't need to say anything, they were just there and to this day,
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I remember that. It's the same sort of thing. Moving along, be a user, be a user.
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Proverbs says, when you sit down to eat with a ruler, observe carefully what is put before you and put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite.
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Do not desire his delicacies for they are deceptive food. Proverbs 23 verses 1 to 3.
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Be cautious around manipulative people. Don't be one yourself and be cautious when you're around them because manipulators use people for their own ends and then they discard them.
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So, be very, very careful, be very, very careful.
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I knew of one particular place where the owner of this company, he had his technique where he would, he liked to hire people and then raise them above where they should be and pay them more money than they were worth and after that, he owned them because once they got used to making that salary, they couldn't leave because they couldn't get it anywhere else and that was his technique to manipulate people.
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You want to get away from situations like that. Don't keep, keep your anger in check.
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We've already gone through that one enough. So, the verse is, a man of great wrath will pay the penalty and if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again,
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Proverbs 19, 19. If you bail an angry person out of trouble, you're going to have to do it again because they don't learn.
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Again, the ability to control emotions is one of the marks of maturity. Moving on, another one is be rude, be rude.
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The poor use entreaties but the rich answer roughly, Proverbs 18, 23, nobody has risen so high that they have a right to be rude to others.
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One of the characteristics I remember of my father growing up is that he was unfailingly polite to everyone that he came across regardless of their station in life relative to his.
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He was polite to everyone and frankly, dad was the kind of a man that people like to be around.
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That was one of his characteristics. It also says, a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver,
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Proverbs 25, 11. The right word spoken at the right time in the right way is a truly beautiful thing.
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It doesn't have to be long, it doesn't have to be elaborate as long as it's the right word at the right time.
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Another way to make sure that your life will be a shambles is to be critical. The wise of heart is called discerning and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness,
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Proverbs 16, 21. If all you do is tell people what they're doing wrong, pretty soon they won't want to talk to you, will they?
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But sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. There's, there are at least two ways every time you have to approach somebody, you can have sweetness of speech or you can have harshness of speech and sweetness of speech is better.
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Another thing, be a mooch. Everybody know what a mooch is? The leech has two daughters, give and give, they cry.
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Three things, give and give, they cry, Proverbs 30, 15a.
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Nobody wants to be around somebody who is always after something. If people see you as a taker, somebody who always wants, somebody who's always grasping for something, you will never achieve biblical success at that because people are not going to want to be around you.
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Another one, be a liar. A false witness will not go unpunished. He who breathes out lies will not escape,
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Proverbs 19, 6. The bottom line is can your word be trusted or can it not?
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Either your word can be trusted or you're a liar, one of the two. Now, the world today would ask the question, well does it really matter if you're a liar?
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You know, it, well you can lie about certain things and that's okay, you know, but nobody on a personal one to one basis likes to be lied to.
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It's so funny. Everybody who's willing to say, oh well, you know, this public official, whatever it was, he only lied about something inconsequential.
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They don't like to be lied to themselves. Even if they lie themselves, they still don't like to be lied to.
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So if you want biblical success, you have to be honest. You have to be known to be honest.
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Now, in your honesty, don't forget to be sensitive but speak the truth everyone with his neighbor,
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Ephesians 4 .25. Let it be known, you should be known as an individual whose word is true.
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You don't lie. Your word is your bond. Another one, be sarcastic.
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Fools mock at the guilt offering but the upright enjoy acceptance, Proverbs 14 .9.
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The wicked person thinks evil is a funny thing. That's what drives most comedians today.
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The world make jokes out of the profane which is why you can't take your children to hear most of today's comedians, quote, unquote.
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Don't be sarcastic in your dealings with others. Nobody likes constant sarcasm. Husbands and wives, be careful that you don't respond in a sarcastic manner to each other.
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That will poison your relationship. Another one, never admit you're wrong.
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The wisdom of the prudent is to discern his way but the folly of fools is deceiving, Proverbs 14 .8.
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You need to admit upfront sometimes you're wrong and you need to appropriate the wisdom of others.
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If you don't do that, you're going to get beaten up by life because life has a way of reaching out and whopping you up beside the head repeatedly sometimes.
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Now, another way to look at that too is that not only do you not know everything, it is not necessary for you to know everything.
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That sort of eases it off a little bit. It's not necessary for you to know everything. God has graciously put what he wants us to know in a book so that we can open it up and read it.
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So what he wants us to know on just about any topic concerning life and holiness is right here.
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And in the rest of the world, you don't have to know everything. In a multiplicity of counselors, there is wisdom.
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Iron sharpens iron, which is why, you know, again, it goes back to number one.
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Remember, don't be a loner. You need more. Why do we have more than one elder? Because none of us know everything.
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None of us have all the wisdom that's necessary for any given topic. But when you get five guys in a room, then all of a sudden you have a synergy going on.
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Another one is be a pessimist. All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast,
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Proverbs 15, 15. Now, we all know who Eeyore is, right? You know, remember
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Eeyore? He's Winnie the Pooh's little donkey friend. And it doesn't matter how good a thing is, how pleasant it is, how nice the weather is, whatever it is,
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Eeyore always sees disaster right around the corner. You know, he's absolutely certain that the whole thing is going to fall apart just any second now.
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Well, that's cute in a cartoon character, but it's a pain in a real person. Nobody wants to be around somebody that has that constant pessimistic attitude, you know.
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The comment's been made that when we all get to heaven, there's going to be at least one person at the throne of grace that's going to complain about the glare.
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All right? You don't want to be that person. You know, don't be like that.
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Again, the inconsiderate. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but to the interest of others,
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Philippians 2 .4. We are admonished in Philippians to regard the interests of our fellow believers at least as important as our own.
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We're not told to negate our own interests. We're not told to ignore our own interests, but we are told to regard the interests of the brethren in the body at least as important as our own.
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And when you think about it, that's really a much better deal because if I'm concentrating on my own needs and my own interests,
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I got one person that's worried about that. If, on the other hand, I worry mostly about the body and I let them worry about me,
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I've got a whole lot more people that are concerned about my interests, my needs, praying for me.
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And it's a much better thing on balance. But as far as each individual is concerned, the world doesn't revolve around us.
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Again, another one of the marks of a child is that a child thinks the world revolves around them.
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You know, when a child is an infant, it does revolve around them. Everything in the household revolves around that infant with its needs and its schedule and all the rest of the things that go into that infant.
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And that's perfectly fine. But as the child grows, one of the things that the child needs to be taught is that the world doesn't revolve around them.
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All too many children are not taught that. They reach young adulthood and then they get out into the real world and suddenly discover that, hey, the world doesn't revolve around me.
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It has up to now, but all of a sudden it's not. And it's a big, big shock and it's hard to deal with.
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You need to learn that a little by little. So again, parents, that's another thing for you to teach your children.
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Again, teach them not to be self -centered. It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to see one's own glory.
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Nobody likes to be around a person that constantly blows their own horn. And again, the opposite side of don't be insensitive is, don't be overly sensitive where you are concerned.
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The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult,
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Proverbs 12 .16. Now, ask yourself, are you constantly getting your feelings hurt?
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Or more to the point, does everyone around you know when you've gotten your feelings hurt?
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You know, that generally comes from an exaggerated and unjustified opinion of our own importance.
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The truth of the matter is, most of us are not nearly important, that important, for other people to go out of their way, to do things, to get at us, to hurt our feelings, to do whatever it is.
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You know, the wise person knows how to take a hit and let it just roll off, because it probably wasn't really directed at you anyway.
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Along that same line, being codependent, if you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it.
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Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.
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Proverbs 25 .16 and 17, too much of a good thing is bad. That especially applies in personal relationships.
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Learn when to leave. Then you're sure to be welcome the next time you show up.
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You know, Benjamin Franklin, you know, the wisdom from Benjamin Franklin, fish and guests smell after three days.
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Well, don't constantly be at somebody else's house, you know. And the same thing, you know, don't be a loner on one side.
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You notice how these all balance themselves? Don't be a loner on one side. But on the other hand, don't constantly be, you know, underfoot at somebody else's house all the time.
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Just a few more here. Be jealous, that's one way. Wrath is a cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?
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Proverbs 27 .4, jealousy has probably destroyed more relationships than any other single cause you can name.
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Don't be jealous. Jealousy is a sin. Same thing with relationships, run hot and cold.
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Proverbs says, a friend loves at all times. A brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17 .17,
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loyalty is one of the most valuable commodities you can find. It's one of the most valuable commodities you can show, and it's one of the most valuable commodities you can find.
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People want to know that you are committed to them. Wives want to know that their husbands are committed to them.
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Vice versa. Husbands want to know that their wives are committed to them, that you will be there when the chips are down.
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There can be no true faithfulness, or no true friendship without faithfulness.
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Be loyal. Be loyal. Be cold is another way to head for complete disaster.
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Better is open rebuke than hidden love, Proverbs 27 .5. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy.
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If you don't feel connected to the important people in your life, ask God to change your heart.
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If you don't feel connected to your brothers and sisters in the body of Christ, ask
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God to change your life. Don't be cold. Others, don't be arrogant.
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If you're an arrogant person, people might tolerate you simply because they have to, but they will not like being around you, and you will never have biblical success if you're arrogant.
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Pride goes before destruction. And a haughty spirit before a fall. Skipping a few here,
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Proverbs 16 .18. Oh, here's another one, raise your voice. Nobody likes to be shouted at.
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A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger, Proverbs 15 .1.
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The world is full of people that are convinced that if they don't get their way, all they have to do is raise their voice.
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You know, if someone, particularly if someone is speaking another language, what are the first thing that we do is that we raise our voice somehow, is if somehow saying the same thing again louder will make it understood.
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We don't quite know how that works. But anyway, don't be a yeller yourself.
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Don't be a yeller yourself, and do not tolerate yelling in your children.
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And now, you know what I mean here. Of course, if the kids are outside playing, running around, yelling at the top of their lungs is a part of that and to be expected.
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What I mean is don't let your children yell at you in anger. Again, teach your child to control their emotions.
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Teach your child to control their anger and teach their child what is acceptable behavior.
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And yelling at those that are in charge is not one, is not one of the things that's acceptable.
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And along that same line, be rebellious and have a problem with authority.
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The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by vultures.
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Isn't that edifying? Proverbs 30 .17. But one of the things that I learned when
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I was working at Radio Free Europe is that one of the characteristic of dissident people is that they're dissident always.
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They're never satisfied. Rebellious people are always rebellious. Rebellious people cause trouble wherever they go.
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You want to avoid them. Don't you be like that and you avoid them.
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That's another thing where it is vital, parents, that you teach your children this.
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Teach them respect for authority. Teach them respect for authority.
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If they do not learn that lesson, they're going to have a hard time in life.
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As it was put to me one time, you know, not for a reason, but it was put to me one time, never lip off to a man with a gun, you know.
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Don't argue with the policeman. That's not the time to argue. The time to present your case is when you're standing in front of the judge, you know.
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But have a proper respect for authority. Have a proper respect for authority. Because otherwise, if you're caught up with rebellious people, eventually you're going to get in trouble just by being there.
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And if you yourself are a rebellious person, eventually the successful people in the world will avoid you because they don't want to get caught up in whatever message you're going to make.
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Because you will make one. Two more.
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Always think you're right. That's a great way to win friends and influence people. The sluggard is wise in his own eyes, wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly,
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Proverbs 26, 16. Nobody likes to know it all. So even if you are right most of the time, don't rub it in other people's faces.
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This goes back to, you know, don't constantly criticize people. And finally, number 40, be pompous.
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Solomon says, better to be lowly and have a servant than to play the great man and have no bread,
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Proverbs 12, 9. Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't esteem yourself too highly.
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If other people choose to give you awards, if other people choose to give you honors, accept them graciously, but don't give them to yourself.
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Remember that true humility consists in recognizing the source of the talents that you have been given.
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Paul says, you have received everything. Whatever you have, whether it's material possessions, whether it's talents, whether it's abilities, whether it's intellect, whatever it is, you received that from your creator.
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So why are you running around acting like it's something that you came up with yourself?
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Don't do that. Don't do that. So again, this has been kind of an unusual out of the ordinary sermon, but things that we need to hear.
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God put these things in his word. Everything that's in the word, God put there for our benefit.
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And he put these things here so that we would learn how to interact with people. Human relationships are important.
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Sometimes because other groups overemphasize certain things, we tend to soft pedal them, or we tend to ignore them ourselves in churches more like ours.
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And yet, they're there for a reason. They're there for us to look at our interpersonal relationships are important.
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God does want us to be successful. God wants us to be successful as he defines success.
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One of the things I really, really was struck by that obituary that was written for Jerry Falwell by Larry Flynn.
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If you remember that when Pastor Mike read that, you know, two men who are complete polar opposites.
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And yet, when Pastor Falwell died, Larry Flynn, his arch enemy, humanly speaking, wrote this editorial that said, this man against all ideas, against all possibilities became my friend.
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And that is the way the world should look at us as Christians. That guy,
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I don't agree with his Christianity. You know, I think his faith is misplaced, but I'm glad I know him.
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I'm glad he's my friend. That's the way the world should react to us.
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We would also like it if in God's providence they say, I want what that person has.
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That's what we're aiming for. But, you know, we should not go out of our way to drive the unbeliever away from us.
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We are to be attractive. We are to be the people they want around. And so, let's conclude with a prayer.
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Our Heavenly Father, we admit that relationships can be messy. And we admit also that we are a sinful and a needy people.
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And so, we would pray that you would help us to come to you first before we manipulate, before we aggravate, before we drive away the people in our lives.
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We would pray, Lord, that you would protect us from ourselves. We would pray that you would help us to be instruments of good rather than forces of destruction.
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We pray that we would represent you well as we treat each other with dignity and respect and leading them to a closer walk with you.