Conflict and Resolution

ReCAST Church of Mattawan

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You're listening to The Podcast, a Recast Church in Matawan, Michigan. This week, Pastor Don Filsak preaches from his series,

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The Awkward Love Book, blushing away through the Song of Songs. Let's listen in. Well, good morning, everybody.

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Welcome to Recast Church. I'm Don Filsak. I'm the lead pastor here, and we are not going to slide past announcements. I'm actually going to give the announcements, so if you're new here or even if you've been here for a little while,

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I encourage you to fill out the connection card that you received when you walked in. You can turn that in back at the welcome table, and we'll give you a free t -shirt or a coffee mug back there, your choice, just as a way of saying thank you for being willing to share your information with us.

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We do have an app that is the primary way that we choose to get out communication to you. If you go to the

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Google Play Store or the App Store, you can look up Recast Church there. You can find our app. It's got all the up -to -date information that is available there, and then some information in that worship folder that you received when you walked in, you'll notice that it's not chock full of information, primarily because we want to drive all of that information towards the app as much as possible, and then you received an offering envelope when you walked in.

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You can recycle that back there. There's no pressure on you here. We don't want to add any pressure around the area of giving, so we don't pass an offering plate.

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We just give you that envelope every week. It's between you and God in terms of worship and relationship with him.

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If you choose to use that, there's a slot in the welcome table out there where you can use that slot to give.

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Otherwise, just throw your envelope. There's a place to recycle it back there so that it doesn't end up on the floorboards of your car or just a bunch of those stacked in your

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Bible or whatever, however that works for you. Then immediately after the service, there's going to be a potluck.

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Please stay. Even if you didn't bring food, that's okay. There's going to be plenty of food to go around, so hang out here afterwards, and we'll have some time to eat some food together and just chat and get to know each other better.

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We are better together in community, and we need community, and so I encourage you in that direction. Then I say this,

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I'm giving a rating to every single one of these messages as we go through the Song of Songs, and I mean them sincerely.

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This one is rated PG -13, and I give that the rating. That means that this is the highest rating that I'm going to give to a sermon.

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I really genuinely mean this, and I want to make sure you understand this. We've only got three more messages in the

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Song of Songs, but when I give it PG -13, I'm actually suggesting to you as parents that my standard would be that I don't think there's anything to gain for a 13 -year -old or under to listen to this message.

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That's what I'm trying to communicate to you by that rating. I actually don't think it's beneficial for them. I don't think it's helpful for them.

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If you have somebody in here, it's okay if there's some rustling during the introduction, and you want to get your kids out of here, there's some programming back there for them, so you can take them around the corner to the kids' area back there, and they can hang out back there.

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That said, we're going to dive in. We've been granted another Sunday in which to worship God together.

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He has been good to us. He has been kind to us. He has given to us his amazing and great love poured out through his son,

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Jesus Christ. I hope that you feel that in the gathering of God's people here this morning. I hope that you lean into the love of God in Christ this morning in community.

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As we've been going through the Song of Songs, it may be striking that we have a book that's so pointed in terms of being a love song in the

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Bible. It really is a book that's very physical in nature. It is very provocative in its content.

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It can at times feel disconnected and far from the gospel, and kind of like, how does this get in the

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Bible? But all of that changes as we remember that God is our creator, and that the gospel is good news that our

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God is not a big cosmic killjoy. He is for the blessing and for the benefit of his people, and he loves us dearly.

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And it is his delight to give to his people good gifts. He is in the abundant life business.

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He is in the setting captives free business. He's in the relationship business, and he is even in the healthy marriage business.

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And all of these things come back to the central way that we know his love. He made it all good.

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We broke it through sin, and he is fixing it through the sacrifice of his only son, Jesus Christ.

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And so in our text this morning, we're going to see an example of conflict within the marriage of the king and his bride.

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A common and age -old conflict, as a matter of fact, a conflict that goes all the way down to maybe even this past week.

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It's probably likely that this very conflict that they experience here maybe has worked out in your marriage within the last month or couple of weeks, or this past week.

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This text is honest. Marriage isn't all naked romance. It also involves moments of apathy, moments of busyness, moments of conflict.

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But we also see in this text that a married couple, for a married couple, it also involves moments of fixing, moments of healing, moments of kissing and making up.

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So let's open our Bibles or our devices or your Scripture journal to Song of Songs, chapter five. We're going to start in verse two, and we're going to go all the way through the end of chapter six.

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So we're almost reading two whole chapters of the Bible here together. It's going to be a little bit longer, but it is good for us to listen together to God's holy word, what he desires for us to hear recast.

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Again, Song of Songs, chapter five, starting in verse two, all the way through the end of chapter six.

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She, I slept, but my heart was awake, a sound. My beloved is knocking.

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Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one, for my head is wet with dew and my locks with the drops of the night.

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I put off my garment. How could I put it on? I bathed my feet. How could I soil them? My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me.

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I arose to open to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh on the handles of the bolt.

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I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and gone. My soul failed me when he spoke.

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I sought him, but found him not. I called him, but he gave no answer.

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The watchmen found me as they went about the city. They beat me. They bruised me. They took away my veil, those watchmen of the walls.

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I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him, I am sick with love, others.

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What is your beloved more than another beloved, almost beautiful among women? What is your beloved more than another beloved that you thus adjure us, she?

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My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among 10 ,000. His head is the finest gold.

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His locks are wavy, black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water bathed in milk, sitting beside a full pool.

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His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet -smelling herbs. His lips are lilies dripping liquid myrrh.

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His arms are rods of gold set with jewels. His body is polished ivory bedecked with sapphires.

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His legs are alabaster columns set on bases of gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice is the cedars.

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His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved, and this is my friend,

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O daughters of Jerusalem, others. Where is your beloved gone, almost beautiful among women?

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Where is your beloved turned that we may seek him with you? She, my beloved, has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to graze in the gardens and to gather lilies.

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I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine. He grazes among the lilies.

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He, you are beautiful as terza, my love, lovely as Jerusalem, awesome as an army with banners.

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Turn away your eyes from me, for they overwhelm me. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.

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Your teeth are like flocks of ewes that have come up from the washing. All of them bear twins.

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Not one among them has lost its young. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil.

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There are 60 queens and 80 concubines and virgins without number. My dove, my perfect one, is the only one.

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The only one of her mother, pure to her who bore her. The young women saw her and called her blessed.

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The queens and concubines also, and they praised her. Who is this who looks down like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, bright as the sun, awesome as an army with banners?

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She, I went down to the nut orchard to look at the blossoms of the valley, to see whether the vines had budded, whether the pomegranates were in bloom.

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Before I was aware, my desire set me among the chariots of my kinsmen, a prince. Others, return.

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Return, O Shulamite, return, return, that we may look upon you. He, why should you look upon the

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Shulamite as upon a dance before two armies? Let's pray.

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Father, I thank you so much for your word. It's a challenge to understand all of this poetry and to dig in and to really make sense of it.

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And Father, even upon this reading, I'm sure there's some confusion, there's difficulty in knowing what are the illustrations pointing to, what is all of this metaphor about.

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But Father, I pray that you would help me with accuracy and clarity and with passion about your word to declare this truth here in the presence of your people for their benefit, for their blessing.

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Father, that your spirit would superintend this in a way that drives home to our own hearts, especially those in this room who are married and then those who are single to recognize your desire for them to wait and to not awaken this kind of romance until the right time.

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But Father, I pray that you would be working in our hearts the redemption of the cross, the redemption that we need in order to have healthy relationships, in order to resolve conflict within our marriages and our relationships out in the world.

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Father, it's only on the basis of the cross that we understand and truly grasp love and forgiveness. And healing and resolution to the wounds that we experience from others around us, including our own spouses.

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So Father, I pray that you would allow this to be a message of healing, a message of resolution and reconciliation for those who are married, who have wounded one another, for those in other relationships where there have been deep wounds.

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I pray that the cross would come in and would compel us to forgive. We have been forgiven so, so, so much.

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And so, Father, I pray that from that place of forgiveness, we would now lift our voices in praise and glorious just awe over you in these songs that we sing.

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Please receive them as worship to you in Jesus' name. Amen. Encourage you to get as comfortable as possible considering the content of what we're going to be talking about.

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And keep your Bibles open if you've lost your spot to Song of Songs, chapters 5 and 6.

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And having that in front of you is only going to help you to see that the things that I'm saying are coming from God's word. We're walking through this poetry together.

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Our text is going to outline pretty well this morning. For those of you that have one of those scripture journals or you're taking notes, it outlines fairly well, although the breaks are a little bit confusing.

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The first is the conflict. And we see the conflict from verse 2 of chapter 5 through verse 6, the first part.

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And then we see the second part begins again in chapter 5, verse 6, and goes all the way through chapter 6, verse 1.

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And that's the pursuit. And then it ends with the resolution, which is almost the rest of chapter 6.

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So it's the conflict, the pursuit, and the resolution. Now, whether or not the whole text is a dream is up for debate.

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You see it right from the get -go that she says in verse 2 of chapter 5,

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I slept, but my heart was awake. Well, what does she mean by that? And again, we're talking about poetry. We're talking about a song written by King Solomon in his wisdom, idealizing romantic love between one man and one woman, husband and wife.

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And then she says, I was on my bed, but I was awake. So what does she mean by that? Or I was sleeping on my bed, but I was awake.

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And it's like, well, is she talking about a dream? It's quite likely. But the method of communication here matters little.

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It makes more sense of a woman wandering the streets alone at night in her nightgown in that ancient culture, as well as the way that the watchmen treat the queen of Israel.

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To see this as a dream, the queen was beat up by the king's assigned watchmen. And that seems like the stuff of a nightmare, not the stuff of reality.

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And so the conflict begins here right off the bat in verse 2. While she was asleep on her bed, she has gone to bed alone.

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I want to point that out. She's in bed. She's alone. She has gone to bed alone. Her husband has been out late. It is late enough for the heavy dew to have settled on the land.

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He says, my hair is wet with dew, implying that this is pretty late, if not early in the morning, that he is showing up.

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He was likely out working among his men, but it's not even explained very clearly. We just know she went to bed alone and he shows up later.

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He has come home. He's wet with dew. It's cold outside. He wants to be in his bed with his wife.

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Knock, knock, knock. Let me in. He knocks and he tells her to come unlock the door.

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He calls her by terms of endearment. The first one, a little bit creepy to us, he says, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one.

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All these cutesy terms for endearment except for sister, which just creeps us out. But remember from last week, we talked about that creepy title, sister.

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Why in the world would that be used between husband and wife? Are they brother and sister? Is this incest? Not at all.

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Not at all. The term was a term of endearment that evoked the idea of protection in that ancient culture. He is the protector for her, much like a brother was responsible to protect his sisters.

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And so that was a lifelong assignment until marriage. So it was a very common role for a brother to be the protector of his sister until she is married, at which point that protection is expected to be the responsibility of her husband.

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And so that's why this is a term of endearment that was used in that ancient culture. But he wants into his room.

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He's there. He's knocking. He's cold. He's wet. He's on the outside. And how many of you just think, just go ahead and raise your hand just to get you engaged a little bit.

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How many of you think that what he wants here is a reasonable request? Go ahead and raise your hand. It's fairly reasonable.

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He wants in his own bedroom. So let me in, he says. But her thinking is expressed in verse three, and it's likely that she said it out loud to him as he's there calling to her from the door, my love, my dove, my cutie pie, my sweetie, let me in.

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And she says, I'm already in bed. It's cozy in here. I don't want to get out of the bed.

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It's kind of cold out there. Anybody ever just, like you get snug in bed and it's like, I'm not getting out. Like it's not, once you're in there, it's like, nope.

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And not only that, she says, I've already cast off my clothes. My feet are washed.

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My feet are going to get dirty if I walk across the floor, which maybe you need a broom and then you sweep a little bit better, but I don't know.

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She's taken off her outer garment and she has washed her feet. And the effort, I want you to just see what is in the way here.

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The effort required to throw on a robe and to rewash her feet seems fairly minimal to his discomfort outside in the cold.

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But these inconveniences deter her from letting her husband in. She is not welcoming in this context, even to her own husband in this scenario.

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Some think she might be teasing and behaving playfully here, but I mean, she does mention her nakedness.

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She does mention she has bathed and is in bed. But the nature of the conflict implies that she is, at least for a moment, caught up in the inconvenience of the whole thing.

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He makes a more concerted effort to get in and in his eagerness, he puts his hand through the latch to try to unlock the door from the outside and there would have been a hole there for a key and he's trying to reach around and lift the latch, the bar that would have gone down to make sure that nobody from outside could get in and he can't quite get it.

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But she sees him trying and her heart leapt within her. She has moved past, suddenly moved past in her heart, she's moved past the headache to increased openness to be together with her man.

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So she gets up and she applies more myrrh and that's what's going on with the hands dripping with myrrh.

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She's applied more sweet smelling, you know, good smelling perfume and she opens the bolt to the door, swings it wide to her man and he's gone.

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He's gone. She's too late. He asked her to open the door, she said no.

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He tried again to get in but there was no way to unlock the bolt from outside.

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He has felt rejected and she now in the text even expresses that she now feels terrible as well.

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The phrase that you see in the middle of verse six, my soul failed me when he spoke.

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Well, when did he speak? He spoke when he was outside of the door. He's talking to her. He's talking to her kindly, please sweetie, come and unlock the door, let me in.

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And she says my soul failed me. My heart failed me. I didn't do well in that situation. It can be understood to mean that her inner response betrayed her when he first spoke to her through the door.

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This wife is wishing, in other words, she had responded differently and had just jumped up and let him in but she didn't.

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Her heart told her no and now she regrets it. So let's take a moment to dissect what is a routine conflict within marriages.

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For some reason, undisclosed, she went to bed alone. That's not ideal.

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Even though this is a dream, the author Solomon is in charge of the dream and as the author of this dream within a song and he knows that there are plenty of times in marriage when a couple are separated.

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There are going to be plenty of times that you don't go to bed together at the same time but that's never ideal and if it becomes too frequent, it can cause a lot of conflict especially for those of you that have to travel, your company takes you away from your spouse for long periods of time.

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How many of you just would acknowledge that that's a tough thing? That's not an ideal. That's not a good thing. When you have to travel for business and you're gone and gone and gone, it racks up and it can become a significant conflict in a marriage.

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So he speaks sweetly to her through the door but her gut response, her soul's response is to come up with excuses.

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She's too tired. She has a headache. She has to get up early. I don't know all these things. It's cold out there, whatever.

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But when her heart changes and she is ready, she finds him gone. He ditched her.

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And ladies, let me just suggest this to you and then I'll suggest something to the men as well. Ladies, the rejection card is not a pro move.

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The rejection card is not a pro move. But men, the avoidance and ditching her card is also not a pro move.

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He says, fine, she doesn't want me. I'm out. And he walks. Gets in the car, squeals the tires and drives off.

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No words, no talk. He's just gone. He has a bruised ego.

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Do you see that in the text? He has a bruised ego. He's bruised. She has dirty feet and sadness having rejected him.

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She had to get up anyways. Now she's standing there cold and nothing. Now I don't imagine many of you have locked your spouse out of the bedroom literally.

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It may have happened. Don't tell me. I mean, you can tell me about it privately if you need some counseling or something but don't say it right now.

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But you may have, and I think this is probably more likely, that some of us and many of us have done so, locked our spouses out of the bedroom metaphorically.

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And this, of course, we know can go either way. I know men who withhold sex from their wives and I know wives who withhold sex from their husbands and I have counseled both.

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And yet the passage we looked at last week in 1 Corinthians 7, I'd encourage you to jot that down if you weren't here and go look up that passage, what it has to say about the mutual ownership of each other's bodies in romantic love and the giving and giving and giving of yourself in romantic love and the intention behind marriage is that self -giving.

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But that passage indicates communication and agreement regarding sexual intimacy in marriage.

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You have the right, hear me carefully you guys, this is the truth, you have the right to say, not tonight and have that honored.

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But you also need to consider how you're going to feel if that becomes a routine.

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How is he or she going to feel if that becomes a routine? And you also need to, according to scripture, talk it through and come to an agreement about these things.

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And unfortunately, many of us men have strong egos that get way too easily bruised and eventually we're walking away and giving up on even asking anymore.

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Frank discussions are a good application to this text. Let me say that again, frank discussions with one another is a good application to this text, honesty in talking about your intimacy in marriage.

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And on this front, let me say that there's a silliness surrounding the debate or the consideration of how frequent is normal.

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Why would it matter if you knew the average number of times that married couples globally have sex?

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Does that matter to you? Talk to your wife, talk to your husband and figure it out for you.

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It's up to you, figure that out. In our text, we see the conflict. He feels rejected.

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She wishes, in this text, an ideal marriage. She wishes she hadn't made him feel rejected.

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She's not twisting the knife. She feels bad for the way she treated him. And that leads to the pursuit.

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The pursuit begins at the end of verse six, if you see it in the text. The offending party here, this is a good model, this is a good example, the offending party begins the pursuit.

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The one who rejected pursues the one who feels rejected. She is trying to find her man, she's seeking to make it right.

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She calls out for him, but he is long gone. And like in her previous dream, she encounters the city watchman in this text, and not in the previous text, they didn't really factor into the story much at all.

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But here they beat her and leave her bruised and they take her veil. Now remember that this is a song written by Solomon, and we need to understand why he would include this in his song about love.

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And I believe after a lot of reading this week, what makes sense to me is that this is here to highlight the insecurity that she feels at being ditched.

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Of course, everything's kind of dreamland here, and he feels rejected, so he departed to make her pay.

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And she does indeed feel abandoned by him. She feels unprotected by him, and she wanders the night streets alone.

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And this insecurity is expressed in a tragic dreamland encounter with bad men.

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She rejected him, so he rejected her. He lost out, so has she.

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And this is the age -old stubbornness of living together with another sinful human. How many of you that are married know that you married somebody who's sinful?

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Do you already know that? That's good. I mean, I don't have to tell you that. You guys know that that's true. And any prince charming that comes along for you single ladies, he's a sinner.

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Any princess who you go to sweep off her feet, single guys, she's a sinner. The number one thing that I think is a priority, and I say this to everybody that I do premarital counseling for, forgiveness.

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Practice it. Get used to it. It is a fundamental, established thing that is necessary for a successful marriage.

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Learn to forgive. Do it often. Practice it. It's going to become a lifestyle for you if your marriage is going to be successful.

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Anybody that's married, want to say amen to that? Have you had to do some forgiving? A lot of it, almost daily.

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It is just the reality of loving another sinful human. But she is pursuing him, and she is seeking to show him love here in the text.

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And in verse eight, she enlists the help of the young maidens. Probably her young maidens who were with her in her marriage.

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They would often have young maidens who would walk in the marriage procession ahead of everybody with lamps, and Jesus gives a parable about those young maidens that would walk like that.

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But she makes them promise that if they find him, that they inform him that she is lovesick for him.

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She says, I'm so sorry for what I did the other night. I'm sorry for making you feel rejected. If any of you find him, let him know

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I'm lovesick for him, and I feel terrible about what I did. She is desperate to make it up to him.

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And so then the chorus of the musical, the others, these young maidens speak up in verse nine, and they have a singing part asking why in the world should they help her find this guy?

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He sounds like a bum. This is the group of ladies who get along with the bride and basically say, ditch him.

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Are you serious? Why in the world would we help you find him? He's a jerk. Look, he left you in the dark.

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I mean, you were exposed to the watchman. You were completely out there on your own. What's the big deal about your lover that we should help you?

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They seem to kind of take her side, don't they? And so she describes him in verse 10 through 16, against the counsel of these young maidens.

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Here's my man. Here's what I rejected the other night. He is one in a million, she says.

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He is radiant and ruddy. He's got a healthy complexion. By the way, when she says 10 ,000 in verse 10, when she says this in verse 10, my beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among 10 ,000, you're going, well, hopefully there's not like 30 ,000 in the ...

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I mean, how many were in the community, right? She's got three of them?

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One for every thousand? I don't know. What you need to understand is that's the largest numerical division expressed in Hebrew and in the

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Greek language. In a world that was very concrete, what you need to understand is there was not much abstraction.

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They didn't go to math class and multiply really huge numbers together. It wasn't really common. When you think about sitting down and physically counting things, how many of you are going to sign up to count 10 ,000 of anything?

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No. Maybe anybody? Anybody on that? None of us. None of us are eager to count 10 ,000 feathers or lead weights or anything.

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We don't want that assignment. Why? Because it's just a large number to count. Well, everything was concrete back then.

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You were counting real things. You were counting real oranges. You were counting real fruit. You were counting real people.

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At the end of the day, counting much more than 10 ,000 or anything that ... You can go multiples of 10 ,000, but you really didn't want to count much beyond that.

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When the book of Revelation, for example, wants to explain how many angels surround the throne of God, and it wants to say a number that you don't want to count, a number beyond counting, it literally goes above that, and it's a big deal in scripture.

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It says 10 ,000 times 10 ,000. The biggest number that they want to talk about multiplied by itself.

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That's myriad and myriad, 10 ,000 times 10 ,000 are the numbers of angels that are around the throne of God praising him, uncountable numbers is the idea.

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When she says this, she's saying, he's one in a gazillion. He's one in a million.

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He's just ... He's it, distinguished among all. His head is the finest gold, speaking of value.

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His hair is wavy and his black as a raven, none of this gray stuff for the queen.

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His eyes sparkle. Apparently, they didn't even do the touch of gray back then, but I don't know.

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His eyes sparkle like streams of water, but the whites of his eyes are like doves bathed in milk, super white.

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His cheeks are like beds of spices. Well, how in the world are his cheeks like beds of spices? What does that mean? It's likely an allusion to his beard.

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Men were bearded in those days, and his lips are scented like myrrh. I don't want to point out that she also is visual.

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I made a big point of saying that men are visual from the text last week, but this is the only place where she comments on his appearance in the entire love song, while the man can't stop talking about her beauty all throughout this song.

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There's a distinction and there's a difference in the way that they respond to one another. His arms are rods of solid gold.

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His body is chiseled like polished ivory, bedecked with jewels and sapphires.

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Value is expressed through the use of gold and jewels and ivory in her descriptions. He is tall like the cedars of Lebanon.

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He is strong, stable, and valuable to her, according to verse 15, the man that she rejected because she was afraid of getting her feet dirty.

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She knows from experience that his mouth is sweet and altogether desirable. She rejected him for fear of getting her feet dirty.

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She rejects, she regrets it here in the text, and she speaks here of what she missed out on.

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He is indeed her lover, but he is also, and here it is in verse 16, her friend.

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Why do I want help finding him? He's not just merely my lover, he's my friend.

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He's one in a million, handsome and valuable. He is strong and stable. He is her lover and her friend.

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So let me point out this ideal here in verse 16 that is so fundamental. It's more than an ideal.

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I would even say it's a necessity in marriage. A husband and wife must be both lovers and friends.

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Friends and lovers. Not one without the other. Cultivate friendship with your spouse through communication.

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Cultivate it through hobbies. Cultivate it through time spent together. Cultivate it through meals and through doing life together, through playing games together, through having fun together, in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom.

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And there's a further reason for this interplay with the young maidens. Why is she saying this to the young maidens of Jerusalem? Why is that interaction going on with the queen?

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This is to help them know who they are to look for in marriage. They are not, these young maidens are not to be merely, you know, they're basically saying, why would we want to help you find a guy like that?

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She said, because he's amazing. He's my lover and he's my friend. They are not to be looking for a wealthy man, a merely handsome man, or a merely radiant man like Gaston.

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They are to be looking for a friend, one who talks to them and listens to them.

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One who will do life together with them. So she has convinced the young ladies to help in the pursuit.

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And they ask her in verse 1 of chapter 6 where he has gone. And they're willing to join her in the pursuit.

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But the author of this song doesn't show us any interest in explaining how the wife and husband get reconnected. We don't see them walking down the street and all of a sudden, or he shows up the next night after work and she lets him in.

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Or we don't even know how they get back together again. But they are back together again in verse 2. And you might not see it at first glance, verse 2 of chapter 6.

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But that's where the resolution starts and it starts hot and heavy. The search is over.

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He has gone down. The ladies are like, where can we find him? She's like, that's okay. We're back together again.

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How do you know? He's gone to his garden. She has been consistently the metaphor for garden all throughout the song.

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All throughout the song, where you see garden, that's her. They are reunited in verse 2.

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The maidens don't need to keep up the search. They have found one another and they have made up. Let me just suggest to you something that the young kids that are still in the room could cover their ears on this, but I could just tell you that makeup sex is good sex.

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And that is what is going on here. He has gone to the garden. And they are once again feeding and feasting on intimacy.

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She reestablishes that she belongs to her lover and her lover belongs to her.

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And I think Solomon chose intentionally to leave out the way that they were reunited. How did they find one another? How did that all come about?

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How are they together again? And he did so so that he could instead focus on the reestablishment of their sexual union.

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Her rejection of him, hear me carefully church. This is fundamental marriage to those of you that are, this is like marriage 101 to those of you that are married.

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Her rejection of him on one particular night didn't stop this couple from enjoying one another.

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His ego wasn't so fragile that they couldn't move past it. She is enamored with him.

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He is captivated with her. And after the hiccup of conflict, they are back to romance quickly.

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Do you see it? They're back to romance quickly. He reaffirms her in verses four through 10 where she's affirmed him.

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And I want to just point out that we could have recorded his first words after this bad night where he ended up going off and who knows where he slept that night.

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He could have said many things, right? You left me out in the cold. Your clean feet are worth more than me.

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You didn't even let me in my own bedroom. This is my bedroom. I pay for this. I'm the king of Israel and you rejected me.

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Can you imagine all the things that he could say to her? And what does he say? You're as beautiful as Terza.

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Terza was the name of the northern capital of Israel and it literally means beautiful. That's the translation of that word, a gorgeous city in the north of Israel.

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Jerusalem, of course, he says, you're beautiful like Jerusalem. Of course, it was a glorious sight to behold as the southern capital.

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But then he adds to this that she is as awesome as an army with banners.

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Where the word awesome does not have the chintzy and weak meaning like the way that we use it today.

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Like we might say, man, that New Kids on the Block concert was awesome. Really weak use.

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Do you see what I did there? That was intentional, okay? Really cheap use of the word awesome.

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Awesome. But awesome as in a tinge of terrifying.

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Terrifying in scope and power. She is beautiful and terrifying to him at the same time.

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Men? Anyone? Anyone? He is reminding her that she has power in his life.

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She exercised it a couple nights ago, whatever the timeframe is, and she made him feel rejected.

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The king of Israel, rejected by his woman, and he felt it. This young lady is powerful in the life of the king.

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There's a song written by Twenty One Pilots. I might be speaking to only five people in the room. Any of you heard of Twenty One Pilots? Okay, okay, good.

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There's a few of you. There's a song written by Twenty One Pilots on their new album. It's called Formidable. Love the song.

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I really like the band. I mean, it doesn't mean that you need to like them, and maybe I'm gonna get judged for that. I don't know.

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But the song Formidable matches the thoughts behind this verse four.

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He wrote it for his wife, Tyler Joseph, who's the lead singer of Twenty One Pilots, and he wrote it for his wife, Jenna. And in an interview, he said it was motivated by a moment when he hugged her and felt so much love for her, and then this thought popped into his mind.

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Just terror. She could destroy me in a moment. She could walk out on me.

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She could leave me. She could reject me and go be with another man and destroy me.

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And for this reason, he uses the word formidable for his wife. And as a man speaking now as Pastor Don, who is married to a woman who is beautiful as Terza, as lovely as Jerusalem, and as terrifying as an army arrayed for battle,

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I would agree that a wife can be a formidable thing. Any of you married guys wanna just say an amen to that?

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Can your wife be a terrifying, lovely, beautiful, all rolled up into one kind of thing in your heart?

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Absolutely. Go ahead and look at her and say, you're beautiful. And you're formidable. His response in verse five is intentionally dramatic.

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Don't even look at me. Your gaze overwhelms me. You are captivating with a single glance.

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And then he reaffirms her beauty with the same words from last week about her hair and her teeth and her cheeks and her value and beauty and all of that.

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And in this song, it might be a little confusing in verse eight of chapter six, but Solomon references 60 queens and 80 concubines and virgins without numbers.

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But out of all of the women that he has met, he's just cataloging the type of women that he's met, from foreign dignitaries to young maidens, she alone stands as his.

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She alone stands as his perfect one. She is the only one for him, he says in verse nine.

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She's unique among her mother's children. Not any of her sisters hold a candle to her and all call her blessed.

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And again, Solomon here is correcting his own reality as he writes this wise, idealized love song.

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His reality. What was Solomon's reality? Oh, much darker than this. He had over 1 ,000 sexual partners as the skeevy king of Israel, but he recognizes in this one verse, well, really two verses, verses eight and nine taken together, a better standard that is equal to only one.

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And all the other women praise her with the words of verse 10, who is celestial and splendor would be a great way to ask it.

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All the women want to know, like, who is this? All know she is beautiful like a sunrise. They declare her beauty like the sun and the moon and they recognize also just like he did that she is awesome, like an army with banners.

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Well, they're reunited and they enjoy physical intimacy. She highlights his value to her. He highlights her value to him, while subtly reminding her that she is powerful, formidable, awesome to him.

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And now we get to verse 11. Goodness, don't be too down on yourself. If your mind went straight to a double meaning, as you read where she goes in verse 11, she goes down to the nut orchard.

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And is it possible for this to get any more awkward? And it is true, and I read it and I did research, and it's funny to watch scholars try to use funny words and things, and they all blush through the text.

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You can actually hear them in the words that they write blushing, but apparently nuts as a euphemism for male anatomy has been around for a very, very, very, very long time.

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Not just since middle school. I was thinking it was just since middle school, but it isn't.

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It's much more ancient than that. And I think a genuine double meaning is meant here. Go ahead and read it and think about it and see,

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I mean, it's there. And in one sense, she goes to his orchard like he has gone to her garden. He has enjoyed her body and she enjoys his.

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But on the other side of the meaning, she likens her love for him like a visit to the orchard in the spring to check on the progress, and suddenly she is taken away by love.

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Look at verse 12. She says, before I was aware, my desire set me among the chariots of my kinsmen, her prince.

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This is a really warm and getting kind of hot in here kind of metaphor. She starts out going to check on the produce and ended up on a thrill ride.

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And this metaphor makes me uncomfortable. It probably does some of you, and the rest of you are laughing because I'm the one who has to say it.

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But the fastest vehicle available at that time was a chariot, and she likens what she has awakened in them by her visit to the orchard as a ride in a chariot with her man.

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And as long as it's already awkward and blushworthy, let me take just a moment to clarify what might be some good and healthy sexual parameters within Christian marriage.

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We might be tempted to adopt within the bedroom of Christian couples the very word of our culture, which is consent.

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As long as you both are into it, it's okay. But let me just suggest to you that there are things that are sinful that ought not to be in your bedroom.

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What can a couple do? What should they avoid? Is there a sanctioned holy position?

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No laughs? Just discomfort? Okay. Interestingly, a couple of months ago, actually,

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I just looked it up this morning. You can go, if you do podcasts at all, I highly recommend this one.

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I'm going to commend this one to you. A couple of months ago, I heard John Piper address this very topic on an episode of his

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Ask Pastor John podcast. It's Ask Pastor John, September 27th. If you're taking notes and you want to read or listen to that, it takes about,

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I think it's like 15 minutes to listen to. I commend it to you if you want to hear a more detailed approach to what is and isn't appropriate for Christians within their bedroom.

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But this book, as I pointed out, I've pointed out many times, it is not a techniques manual. It isn't.

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The scripture gives some good principles to apply within the bedroom. Communication will, of course, always be key, but we should set a very general commitment to avoid anything in the bedroom that is harmful, anything that is coercive, anything that is degrading, or anything that practices sin.

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And I thought about giving you some lists and I thought, there's just no way I can cover all of the aberrations and the errors that you can fall into as a married couple.

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But let me just say this, and I mean this sincerely. If you have questions about this, or if you're feeling pressure from your spouse to do things that you don't feel comfortable with, get together,

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Linda and I and you as a couple, and talk that through and try to figure it out and try to talk about what the Bible has to say about these things.

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And as awkward as that might be, I offer it because I know people need it. To have John Piper in his

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Ask Pastor John, John Piper, who's asking him for sex advice? Like, I might ask him about the meaning of a

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Greek word, but I would never think to write him for sex advice, and he gets it enough that he says,

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I was compelled to write it because it's such a common question. Such a common question about what people are doing in their bedrooms, and no guidance.

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And if the church isn't going to talk to you about it, well, the world certainly will, and they will guide you astray 10 times out of 10, right?

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So, if you need counsel or need to talk to somebody, we would be open to that.

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I would not be open to sitting down and just talking with one of the ladies here about that. I would have my wife there with me.

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In verse 12, we find that she is gone. She's out on a chariot ride.

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And in verse 13, the young maidens are pictured as calling behind her, come back, come back, return, that we may take in your beauty.

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And he says in conclusion to that, no, she's for my eyes. Why should you look upon her like the dance between two armies?

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That can be a confusing metaphor. The metaphor here is centered on her captivating beauty. She grabs attention to such a degree that he likens it to a battle scene between two armies.

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How many of you just, if you're watching, if you were watching, standing on a hill watching a battle take place in the valley, would have a hard time turning your eyes away?

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It would take your full attention and he says that's the way my love is. He has her all to himself and he will not share her beauty.

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We started in this text with conflict. We saw a pursuit in the middle and we see a racy resolution in the end.

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And I think there are plenty of applications for married couples and singles here. I want you to think about some of these and I'm just going to rapid fire them at you.

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Commit to resolving conflict, communicate and agree. If you plan to abstain from intimacy but only for a season, only for a time, make sure there's a deadline on that.

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Men don't give up on your wives, don't walk out, don't squeal the tires. You might need to say sometimes, guys, use your words.

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I said that to my kids when they were little, use your words. But sometimes those words need to be, I need some time.

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Give me 15 minutes alone. Go to the garage. Go ahead and say, I need a drive. I need to get in the car and I'm going to drive away and I'm going to be back in 30 minutes.

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I'm not giving up on you. I'm not walking out on you. I am coming back but I need a moment. How many of you have ever felt that way in marriage?

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Guys, go ahead. Just don't leave me hanging on this. Really? Five of us? The rest of you just never, never need that.

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But it can be really hard in the heat of battle, in the heat of conflict to actually use your words but let me just encourage you to toughen up and use your words and let her know that you're not giving up on her but you need a moment.

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Singles, word for you, look for a spouse who is also your friend. Look for a spouse who is also your friend.

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Admit and pursue reconciliation when you have wronged or rejected your spouse, good application. Make up sex is good sex, good application.

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Give rather than take in the bedroom and communicate, communicate, communicate.

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But all of these things start in our text with a knock at the door. Most commentators believe that this knock at the door here in our text was the very basis for John in the book of Revelation using a knock on the door for Jesus.

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Jesus knocks on the door. There he has Jesus knocking on the door of a church, not knocking on the door of a heart.

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We often think that Jesus is knocking at the door of your heart, open up, let him in, as if that's about salvation. No, he is knocking on the door of a church.

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Well, if anybody belongs in a church, it's Jesus, why has he got to knock? Think that through for a minute.

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Why in the world does the king have to knock on the door of his own house? Because he's been locked out.

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What? What? The king locked out of his own house, Jesus locked out of his own house.

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We are his house, church, us. But in Revelation 3 .20, it's demonstrated that for some churches,

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Jesus is on the outside wanting in. And as we come to communion, consider the conflict in our text.

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He wants in, she has excuses. And there's a parallel here. Jesus wants in, church.

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Will we let him in? We take communion for the purpose. The goal of communion is letting him into our memory, letting him into our remembrance every single week.

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We come to the tables to take the cracker to remember his body that was broken for us. We take the cup of juice to remember his blood that was shed for us.

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Your spouse, church, will never be enough. If you place too much hope in your spouse, you will be let down.

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You will be disappointed. And further, do you know what another consequence of you putting too much trust in your spouse is?

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You will crush them under the weight of expectations that they can never fulfill. They can't be

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Jesus for you. They can't be your savior. There's only one of those. His name is Jesus. Conflict will arise, and you will need pursuit, and you will need resolution.

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So if you belong to Jesus, come to the tables to remember and give thanks for his great love poured out for us.

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His sacrifice is the basis of our forgiveness toward others, even including our spouses.

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His love is the hope we have for a better love than what we have in our hearts right now.

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Hope in him is the hope that we also can improve and be better in our marriages. So if you've asked

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Jesus Christ to save you, then come and rejoice in communion together during this next song. And if you are not yet saved by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, then

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I encourage you to skip communion. But feel free to come and talk with me, come and talk with Dave, come and talk with the elder on duty back there.

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And any of us would love to talk with anyone about the way to start a relationship with Jesus Christ today. Let's pray.

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Father, I thank you for the reality of your word that highlights that there will be conflict here in this place.

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You don't leave us with just the ideal and the expectation that everything's gonna always go exactly well, but you even provide, even like the sacrificial system in the

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Old Testament is a way of identifying that we will break your law. We will be, we will thwart your desires in our lives.

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And the cross highlights that, the need for a savior. So Father, if there's anybody here who is still in that need for a savior,

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I pray that you would press on them with boldness, the willingness to come and talk with me or Dave or the elder on duty, or maybe somebody else that they know that attends here who would be able to lead them into a relationship with you.

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But Father, for the marriages that are here, I pray that you would, through your spirit, for those who belong to you, you would be empowering us to deal with the conflict, to be forgiving, to be pursuing one another, and to be resolving and bringing to resolution the conflicts that will arise, that will arise even today.

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Father, I pray that you would make strong marriages that recognize that it is normal for us to have conflict.

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It's absolutely, every marriage has their share, fair share of conflict. But Father, I pray that you would make us a people of grace, a people of quick forgiveness, a people who are quick to get back to romance and intimacy with our spouses.

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Father, for those who are single here, I pray that you would clarify for them the relationships that you're calling them to, some to a life of singleness, some to a spouse in the future.

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But Father, I pray that you would cast before their eyes a vision of holy singleness, dedication to you, love for you, and growing in you.