Gospel-Centred Submission in Marriage

Obedience to Christ in Marriage

Obedience, submission and authority. These types of words generally seem to cause tremendous discomfort for people. After all, we're all our own authority really. No one is superior to us. No one has the right to tell us what to do.

We are submissive to nobody and we're all equal. That seems to be the battle cry that surrounds the Christian no matter where he goes. Submission and authority were told are concepts designed by man for the sole purpose of gaining uncontrolled power for a select few to oppress and exploit the majority for their own purposes.

And that especially applies to women apparently. And though there are certainly innumerable instances throughout the history of mankind where man has abused his God-given authority, it does not mean that God's good and wise design in establishing different roles and structures of leadership and submission is inherently evil.

Yet again, that's exactly what we're being told. A never-ending, it seems, number of articles can be found all over the place that suggest things like these. One of them said, the list of passages putting down women in the Bible is almost endless.

Ever since Eve deceived in the Garden of Eden, the Bible has been the chief literary vehicle in the constant oppression of women. Or the Bible provides religious and moral norms preventing women from playing a full and equal role.

I'm afraid that the same way of thinking has made its way into the church. We've abandoned God's good design in the differing roles for men and women. We've bought into the idea that that equals inferiority.

Well, in truth, nothing could be further from the truth. And as a result, our marriages have suffered tremendously in different ways. And the picture that marriage is supposed to be to the world has been greatly distorted and vandalized.

Our text today, Ephesians 5 verses 22 to 24, is no doubt one that is often approached with great emotion. But in it, Paul reminds us of these distinct roles of man and woman in the context of marriage.

And what we'll see is that Christian submission, Christian headship, is unlike anything that the world's understands it to be. That its roots extend deeply into the truth of the gospel and grow out of heartfelt obedience and imitation of Jesus Christ.

Submission is not based on inferiority and neither is headship based on greater worth on part of the individual. We need to, we must return to biblical understanding of biblical manhood and womanhood if we want to live our marriage the way God intended it and to display Christ to the world.

And so as we work our way through these couple of verses, I want us to note some distinct features of gospel-centered submission in marriage. And because apparently nobody that steps ever behind a pulpit can count past three, we will see three different things in this text.

I'd like us to see that submission is firstly obedience to Christ, that it secondly involves Christ-like headship, and lastly that it is an all-encompassing submission. With that let's begin and look at our first point, obedience to Christ.

In our study of the book of Ephesians we have now come to the section that theologians have called the household code section. It begins in chapter 5 verse 22 and it extends all the way to chapter 6 verse 9 and in it Paul addresses mainly three different types of relationships found in the Greco-Roman household.

He begins first with the relationship between husbands and wives and then he moves on to children and their parents and lastly masters and their servants. Though it's not the only theme, submission is the central theme within this whole unit and today we get to begin with the section between husbands and wives.

And what we'll see in verse 22 again is that a wife's submission to her husband is obedience to Christ. In verse 22 Paul writes this, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. I'm not sure that in our day there are many more verses in the New Testament that have the ability to upset and anger a great number of people as quickly as this verse and the two that follow it.

To be sure we are entering highly controversial territory in this passage today and even some of you here today you read these verses you hear a statement like that and your alarm bells might immediately go off you instantly feel uncomfortable with this language of submission and authority and obedience and though it may sound like it to us in a time where confusion in regards to gender and gender roles abounds and we're told that no one in all creation has authority over another and anyone can do what is right in their own eyes.

It's not at all a controversial statement for Paul to make. The call to wives to submit to their husbands was nothing out of the ordinary for the Ephesians to hear. Culturally in the in the Greco-Roman world in the household at the time wives were actually required to submit or be obedient if you will to their husbands.

That was because women were regarded as existentially inferior to men and so a wife's submission was merely seen as a natural outworking as an expression of her inferiority to man. One scholar even notes that Josephus the early church historian lived around 37 AD to 100 AD that he even claimed that women were inferior to their husbands and ought to be obedient in all things.

It was simply a common held and understood as fact that women were to be subordinate to men and so in and of itself this concept as Paul introducing here is nothing new to his audience but Paul doesn't stop there.

He doesn't simply say wives submit to your husband and leaves it at that. I think he adds an all-important qualifier and characteristic to this submission. He doesn't just take this cultural norm from the time adheres to it and sprinkles a little bit of Christianity on top to make it more appealing and less offensive.

Rather with Christ as the foundation as the rock on which a Christian's daily life is to be built as he's laid out all throughout the book until now he says look at the end of verse 22 he says this as to the Lord.

We have to understand that this qualifier of as to the Lord is very much contrary to that that evil this twisted godless idea of submission that was in all reality really just a form of blind unquestioned submission on the part of the wife to her husband is presumably the inferior being but as to the Lord is where a wife's submission really begins.

What does Paul mean by that? It should be obvious to us that under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit Paul is most certainly not suggesting some form of gross idolatry and violation of the first commandment where the wife makes her husband her Lord and God and begins to to worship him rather he's saying wife your submission to your husband notice how it also says your own husband is first and foremost or begins with obedience to Christ.

He puts it in a similar way actually in Colossians 3 verse 18 where he says wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. John Calvin put it very bluntly he said wives cannot obey Christ without yielding obedience to their husbands wives women desiring to be wives one day Lord willing you will be.

You have to understand and know this that in the context of marriage in the relationship between the husband and wife submission to man submission to your husband begins with obedience to Christ. Submission to man begins with obedience to Christ.

And so with a culture at the time demanded obedience due to inferiority and where nowadays submission is seen as inferiority Paul presents submission as an act of obedience to Christ this is vastly different.

There's not the slightest hint of inferiority on part of the woman in this text the only inferiority that we actually do find is the wife's submission to her husband in relation to her submission to Christ.

And so we we cannot believe the lie that submission and obedience are the shackles and the chains on the hands and feet of the wife that permanently tie her to a life of inferiority and lesser value. And likewise men will get into a little bit later you cannot be deceived and become puffed up and prideful and arrogant and thinking that you are of superior of superior worth simply because your wife is commanded to submit to you submission.

Christian submission does not equal lesser value and neither does authority equal superiority. We see this best in Genesis 1 27. Right in the creation account read that both men and women were created what in the image of God.

And that's where man and woman get their inherent value. And it is an equal value in the eyes of their creator. And no matter how many times the world tries to tell you otherwise the worth of a human life the worth of husband and wife is not found in their differing roles whether in authority or in submission or how productive there are or beneficial they are to society and solely found in the being created in the image of their God.

And likewise in Christ we all know Galatians 3 28 there is no male and female. God doesn't save one and not the other or saves one a little bit more than the other both have the same standing and are heirs of the grace of life together as Peter puts it in 1st Peter 3 as Shane has read.

Now if a wife is to put herself under the leadership of her husband as an act of obedience to Christ as an act of her worship then this becomes a matter of the heart. Why. If you cannot simply be concerned with and content with the outward appearance of obedience when in your heart rebellion rages on and paying public lip service to your husband is rather easy compared to the true sincere obedience from the heart that Christ demands of his people.

If you sit here you're squirming at the idea that the Apostle represent represents and maybe your blood is beginning to boil a little bit and you're ready to get all up in arms. If you will not and you say you cannot possibly submit to your husband.

If that's the case then you may have to examine if you are really ready and willing to fully obey Jesus Christ. And if you're willing to obey him on his terms or on yours you need to face the fact that you are disobedient and rebellion women.

I ask you this. Do you really do you do you really believe that Christ who purchased you with his own blood and that God the Father who knitted you together in your mother's womb who created you in his image has given you in the marriage covenant a hard and burdensome command only to beat you up and live a life in misery.

Have you not found his commandments to be good to be a delight to you. Do you not joyfully and willfully submit yourself to them and trust that God knows men and women that he loves his people that he knows what's best for them and how they can bring the greatest amount of glory to his name.

Submission is not a burden. It is not a way designed by God to pull you down and drown you in the sea of despair and feriority and misery but as a God-given blessing a privilege given to you by God in which you get to daily imitate the gentleness the quietness of heart and spirit that Christ displayed when he submitted himself to the will of the Father and went to die on the cross to save his people.

It's a daily means of your sanctification. Now it's easy for us to take verse 22 isolate submission and persistently beat the drum of obedience and say women you have to submit. But when we look at verse 23 we begin to see that submission within this one flesh union of husband and wife is not a one way street.

It's like a two-sided coin if you will with the wife's obedience to her husband on the one side and the husband's Christlike headship over his wife on the other. I would see this in our second point Christlike headship you cannot have one apart from or without the other.

Christlike Headship in Marriage

And so Paul in verse 23 he writes this. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church his body and is himself its Savior. The Apostle now grounds verse 22 in the fact that the husband has been given his head over his wife and just like the previous verse he again adds an all-important characteristic when he draws the parallel between Christ and a church.

Now verse 23 this verse specifically has been cause for a tremendous amount of debate and it surrounds Paul's use of the Greek term here for head. So it's it's a very recent debate in the history of the church that only began about 70 years ago.

As far as I can tell it's certainly not been without its fair share of controversy. And at the heart of the discussion is the metaphorical use of the term. Some have suggested that it should be and could be interpreted as first or beginning in the sense of source or even in a sense of preeminence.

And there do seem to be a couple places in the New Testament where Paul uses the term in a sense that could be different from authority. However if we look at our immediate context of the entire passage here in Ephesians and how the individuals in the home are to relate to what another the sense of authority just fits the flow of the text better than anything else.

And Paul has also used that exact term by the way already in Ephesians chapter 1 verse 22 where he applies almost the exact same phrasing as we find here in verse 23 when he establishes Christ's authority over all things to the church.

In chapter 1 he writes he that being God the Father put all things under his Christ's feet and gave him as head over all things to the church which is his body the fullness of him who fills all in all all things are put under Christ's feet and he was given his head over all those things.

And in the parallel manner as a picture of Christ and his relationship to the church a husband has headship over his wife. It ought to be really amazing to us that we believe we we hold to differences in authority and almost every aspect of life.

Really we believe in the authority of an employer over his employee the authority of parents over his children. And we generally understand and hold to a government's authority over its citizens. And in none of these instances we would generally say that authority is a bad thing.

And we even see a difference in roles we see submission and authority within the Trinity itself. We understand that in the act of redemption the father gives his son the son was sent by the father not to do his will but the will of the one who sent him was the son who submitted himself to the authority of the father in order to pay the penalty for our sins and bear the wrath of God on our behalf.

And we most certainly I trust we believe in the authority the headship and leadership of Christ over his bride the church. But there's something that as soon as we begin to speak about a husband's headship over his wife that we depicted as wicked and evil as if headship were this prison this dark damp dungeon robbing a woman of all her liberties putting her at the mercy of this diabolical tyrant that is her husband.

Now on top of Paul's translation of head it's been suggested that was Paul is writing here. He's simply basing on the cultural norm of the day and as a consequence it has little or absolutely no contemporary meaning or implication for our marriages today again keep in mind the parallel that Paul draws between Christ and his church has Christ's headship of the church ceased.

Was that only applied for the church in the first century. Now I don't want to stretch that illustration too far and go beyond its intended meaning. But at the very least I think it's an implication that the same remains true for us today.

And I think it finds consistency in the other clearer New Testament teaching. For example when Paul speaks about head coverings and headship in 1st Corinthians 11 referring to Eve being formed out of Adam's rib and being created as a helper fit for him because it was not good for man to be alone he grounds his argument in creation.

Verses 8 and 9 he says. For man was not made from woman but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman but woman for man. And in another place when Paul talks about the different authority within the church the Apostle anchors his theology again in Genesis when he writes to Timothy in his first letter he said.

I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man. Rather she is to remain quiet. And here's the reason. Verse 13. For Adam was formed first then Eve and Adam was not deceived but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.

What Paul is writing here is is not a case of him being culturally relevant and appropriate. These differing roles of men and women of husband and wife and the theology of Paul have their foundation in the creation account.

And so this most certainly applies to us today. And the question then becomes what is this leadership. What is this headship on part of the husband. Look like Paul tells us. He gives us this great illustration.

Even as Christ is the head of the church his body and is himself its Savior Christ is the model for the husband men you need to. You must fix your eyes on Christ just like your wife's submission flows out of her obedience to Christ.

Your leadership must find its source in imitation of Christ. And headship leadership that imitates Christ. It's one that works from the bottom up. Jesus gives himself a great example in Matthew 20. Verse 25 to 28 he says this.

You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them and the great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant and whoever would be first among you must be your slave.

And verse 28 is all important here. Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom. For many men with a sacrificial servant like heart you must lead your family.

Initiate. Set the overarching tone of love in your home. Leadership doesn't mean that you have to do everything at all times by yourself and never consult your wife about anything. Your headships not dictatorship totalitarian domineering abusive leadership on your part is no headship at all.

So an imitation of Christ with gentleness. Direct your family. Direct them how you can use your your finances wisely and for the glory of God regardless of whether you have children or not. Lead family worship.

Be the first to say let's think and pray about how we can serve the local church and then involve your wife in all of these things. Allow her let her use her abilities and give things. She's your helper your God-given support not your sleep.

Your leadership in the home should look something like this. It's a short account from a pastor in the US. He writes. This cooperation between husband and wife is the norm in the Christian home. When I felt led of God to leave mobile for Oklahoma City our son did not want to leave his friends.

He asked mother do we have to go. She said well daddy feels God leading him and we will go where he goes. And then he says I did not demand it. She gave it with her whole heart. In the one flesh union.

Husband and wife submission and headship are to work in union as well. The one leads and the other supports with the common goal of imitating Christ's relationship to the church for the glory of his name.

Know these two foundations established in verses 22 and 23. The fact that a wife's submission is grounded in the headship of the husband. Paul concludes by addressing the nature and the extent of that submission.

And verse 24 look at it. He says. Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. And we see that submission within the marriage is an all-encompassing submission.

Naturally the language of in everything this implied totality makes us a bit uncomfortable and causes us to ask some questions. As the Apostle saying that wives have to literally submit in everything.

Is she to submit in the minutest detail. For example when she can and cannot leave the house or she's to dress what she is allowed to buy. What book she's allowed to read or not to read. Is she blindly to obey a husband.

That is obviously wrong. What about an abusive husband that demands her to sin in some form or fashion. Some people have suggested that yeah that is the case though. I think the answer is yes and no. What I mean yes.

As long as the husband's requests are based on scriptural principles that work for her good and the glory of God she's to submit. She's not to submit if the husband demands her to deny or disobey her Lord.

For example if a wife has established a sinful pattern let's say of going out at night during the week to participate in the wildest debauchery and drunkenness with her friends you better believe that is the husband's duty to steer her away from a behavior that destroys her soul and call her to repentance.

We could also say let's say she begins to read and really enjoy some books from well-known false teachers that do not teach the gospel or a false gospel. And she begins to teach her children again you better believe the husband ought to step in defend the gospel his children and his wife by correcting their teaching.

On the other hand there's no biblical warrant for her to obey. When a husband is asking her to blatantly sin to enter into drunkenness with them to partake in or commit sexual immorality or deny Christ in everything she's to obey like every other Christian anywhere first and foremost her God.

The obedience of Christ. Obedience to Christ trumps obedience to man. Remember Acts 5 the Apostles they've been preaching and teaching the gospel and eventually ended up getting arrested. And they stand before the council and the great high priest.

And they're told not to preach anymore. And what was their answer. I said we must obey God rather than men. And so they continue to preach. And likewise Christ told his disciples if you love me you will keep my commandments.

If a husband demands his wife to deny Christ disobey his commandments. A wife cannot women. You cannot blindly obey your husband if he caught. If he asked you to sin against Christ deny him and disobey him.

And so this in everything again is qualified and limited by one's obedience and faithfulness to God. So when Paul is using this language he's speaking about the holistic nature of submission meaning he's speaking about both the spiritual as well as the quote-unquote secular because for the Christian there really is no such distinction for us to make.

A wife cannot claim to submit to her husband only in spiritual matters. But they're not submitting others because the spiritual affects everything else she does your faith your theology affects every aspect of your life.

You just can't separate the two as we've seen in verse 23 already. It does not equal unquestioned tyranny. I'm part of the husband. Paul is assuming here when he draws this parallel that the husband himself is obeying Christ's commands.

Remember again first Corinthians 11. Paul says that the head of every man is who Jesus Christ. The husband himself is under the authority of Christ and has no right to disobey his command. He cannot demand command anything of his wife that Christ himself does not ask of his people.

And that's why Paul goes on. We'll hear about this next week to urge the husband to love his wife lover as he does his own body because the one that loves his wife loves himself. Now if you've been married for even just a second you'll know that all of this is very difficult to do.

We understand Genesis 3 16 when God says to the woman your desire shall be contrary to your husband but he shall rule over you and wives. I think you know exactly what that verse means. You've experienced it.

You've likely lost count of how many times you've not agreed with your husband on his plans or suggestions because simply not what you want it's not what you desire. Maybe you feel like he isn't paying any attention to how you're feeling about a given situation.

I think in the same way husbands you understand this temptation of simply wanting to to put the hammer down as it were an exercise of God given authority simply to get things done instead of lovingly patiently gently leading and shepherding your wife through whatever situation you're dealing with.

I welcome you to marriage in a fallen world. And though the war against sin will remain in this life we all know that if submission of the wife is grounded in the obedience to Christ as an imitation of his submission to the will of the father as he emptied himself to the point of death even death on a cross.

And if the headship of the husband is grounded in the self-sacrificial servant like giving of himself as the lamp of God slain for the propitiation for our sins then and only then can a wife joyfully willingly lovingly in everything submit to her husband and be the helper and support that she's supposed to be.

And likewise only in light of the gospel can the husband lead his wife exercises God given headship as a servant and not a tyrant. The gospel really Christ is at the heart of submission and headship both alike.

You desire your marriage to flourish to be sweet and most importantly to be God honoring and Christ exalting. Then wives imitate Christ in your submission. Husbands imitate Christ and your servant like sacrificial leading.

Now we have some of us here that are not married and it's always difficult to go through a passage. And what do we do. What are the unmarried do. What do we do with this. Well my prayer is that we hold our brothers and sisters accountable.

That women encourage other women to persist in their support of their husbands. That men encourage other men to remain faithful and to continue to lead their wives. And that we would apply ourselves even now to be ready to be a husband to be a wife and don't wait until the day when you get married.

So women clothe yourself as Shane has read with respectable and pure conduct that you're adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is precious in God's sight.

And men single man let's strive to be a servant like self sacrificial man of God under the authority of Christ and immerse ourselves with all the time that we have and all the resources that God has given us to the service of our master.

If you desire to be married continue to be patient trust the Lord with his good timing. Marriage is a blessing. Men cannot for the sake of satisfy satisfying their desire choose a spouse a quarrelsome that is not willing and ready to submit in marriage.

And likewise women you cannot allow yourself to choose a man that has not placed himself under the authority of Jesus Christ. I'll close us with this account of a preacher that I think demonstrates a wife's loving submission out of reverence for Christ.

Well he writes this until the Lord called her home. For over 57 years Francis and I had as nearly perfect a marriage as one could imagine doing her terminal illness. She talked about her view of her role as my wife.

She always considered her role as being to do what she could to enable me to pursue God's call. She expressed to our children and her sister that she had only one concern about her illness. She did not want to be a hindrance to my work.

She felt I should be out preaching the gospel instead of having to look after her hearing of it. I told her she was no hindrance. Instead she had been my inspiration and strength through the years. I assured her the same Bible that said to preach the gospel.

Also said that a man who did not look after his his household was worse than a heathen. Precious precious memories. I could wish for every couple a marriage such as ours. Let's close in prayer.