Should Being a Single Mother Be Considered a Red Flag in Dating?

The Consequences of Rejecting God’s Design for Marriage

99 .9 times out of 100, what we're talking about is people who've willingly chosen this path that's contrary to God's plan, and they're reaping all the bitter consequences of it. And so there has to be some way for people to look at man on the outside and say, hey, maybe we should just all do what God says.

You know?

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Of hearing nothing but doom and despair on the radio. The message of Christianity is that salvation is found in Christ alone, and any who reject Christ therefore forfeit any hope of salvation.

And any hope of heaven. The issue is that humanity is in sin, and the wrath of almighty God is hanging over our heads. They will hear his words, they will not act upon them, and when the floods of divine judgment, when the fires of wrath come, they will be consumed and they will perish.

God wrapped himself in flesh, condescended, and became a man, died on the cross for sin, was resurrected on the third day, has ascended to the right hand of the Father, where he sits now to make intercession for us.

Jesus is saying there is a group of people who will hear his words, they will act upon them, and when the floods of divine judgment come in that final day, their house will stand.

Genesis 2:24 and the Design of One Flesh Marriage

Welcome to Bible Bash, where we aim to equip the saints for the works of ministry by answering the questions you're not allowed to ask. We're your host, Harrison Kerrigan, Pastor Tim Mullett, and today we'll answer the age-old question, is being a single mother a red flag?

And Tim, as we kick off this conversation, what Bible verse do you have for us?

Yeah, Genesis 2 -24 says, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

Jared Okay. So, what is that verse saying? How does that apply to this conversation?

I mean, this is basically the foundation for marriage in the Old Testament, but I mean, basically, if you want to think about the most commonly quoted Bible verse in the New Testament and in the Old Testament even about this topic, it's this.

So, basically, as the New Testament writers are looking back to the Old Testament and looking at God's perspective of marriage, it's all basically built on this foundation. A man shall leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

So, that's what marriage is. One man, one woman becoming one flesh, you know, forever. That's the point. Yeah. So, then when you're thinking about a topic like single motherhood or something, what you're doing, what you're talking about from the very beginning is something that was not the design, okay?

However that came about, like that has come about as a result of sin, like sin in some sense, okay? Meaning, like even in the best case scenario where man dies and you have a single mother, that only happened because Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

So, that's a consequence of sin, right? Penalty for sin is death. So, that's not the primary design of the human race. The primary design of the human race is one man, one woman for life. That's the issue, right?

And so, then when you're living in a world that's been influenced by sin, then a lot of things happen. Some of which are innocent like that, but then at the same time, hearkening back to the rebellion of our first parents, which we're part of.

So, there's that and then a lot of this is woman as a single parent, did that happen from fornication? Did that happen from divorce? If it happened from divorce, there had to be some sort of sinful party in the divorce.

There's no such thing as two innocent parties in the divorce or something like that. So, this is just a situation that comes about in a fallen world. And that is not the primary plan. And so, then in the way that God has made the world, God's made the world in such a way that there's just consequences to these things that are deep and profound.

And so, yeah, he's structured the world in such a way that not only is his revealed will that a man and woman should be joined together in permanent marriage forever, that's the plan. But then he's constructed the world in such a way that deviations from that plan, from whatever way they come about, are always going to be filled with challenges in so many different ways, right?

So, even in the case where you have the godly woman married to the godly man when the godly man dies and then she's left with a child or something like that, even in that kind of situation, you're still marrying a woman who is going to miss her husband.

And in the best case scenario has already experienced certain things about marriage that you haven't, right? And then there are certain entailments to that, meaning you're going into a marriage with, there's obviously baggage there.

There's no way to word it in, I mean, you can get offended by that way of wording it, but there's obviously baggage of some sort, okay? So, yeah. So, obviously, it's just God didn't, like God's design for the world in the first instance was, like he created a good creation and if sin hadn't entered into the picture, you know, obviously, I mean, this is like one of those hypotheticals that he obviously had, like his plan was to create the human race and allow them to fall and then to bring a Redeemer into Christ.

So, there's that, but I mean, the idea of single motherhood is contrary to that stated intention.

Red Flag Versus Deal Breaker in Dating

For humanity in the first instance, for sure. TB. Well, and it seems to whenever you have this kind of conversation, it seems like there's two, things are divided pretty evenly amongst most men and most women, where most men are looking at a question like that, hey, is being a single mother, you know, you're a single guy, you're interested in a girl, you find out that she's a single mother, right?

And it seems like most men, at least most, you know, Reformed Christian men look at that scenario and they say, yeah, obviously, that's a red flag. I mean, yeah, I mean, sure, like you said, there might be an explanation for it, but it's a red flag right off the bat and that's just obvious.

There's no debate about, you know, like, hey, if I've got two women who are both equally godly, you know, equally polite and nice and whatever else that you're looking for in a wife, and then one was previously married, has a child, the other has never been married, I mean, come on, that's obvious.

And then at the same time, you have women who are looking at that same scenario and they're saying, no, you can't say that's a red flag, you know? And so, it seems like it's pretty evenly divided with exceptions along, you know, like males think one thing, females think the exact opposite thing.

But what were you going to say as I was talking about that?

JORDAN Yeah, part of that is that people don't understand what the word red flag means in this context.

TAYLOR Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right.

JORDAN. So, yeah, I've asked these questions along these lines and, you know, routinely I'm greeted with the reality that people don't know what this word means. And I think, go ahead. TAYLOR.

Yeah, red flag meaning, hey, obviously not, this is inherently, you know, like an issue.

JORDAN A deal breaker.

TAYLOR Yeah, like it's inherently a deal breaker. A red flag is just something that you look at and you say, hey, I need to ask more questions about that because it could be a deal breaker.

JORDAN. Yeah, and that's just the obvious meaning of the word. But then I think one of the things that, you know, you find when you interact with people on a regular basis is that a lot of people, they don't really even know what the words are using.

So, this is one of those examples where if you say, hey, is it a red flag they hear, there's a substantial minority of people who hear deal breaker, right? When that's not really what this phrase means in this context at all.

Okay.

TAYLOR Sure.

JORDAN. So, a red flag means like, you know, hold on, shine a spotlight on this, do extra due diligence and see what you're finding out here, you know, that kind of thing, not a deal breaker no matter what.

But then, yeah, so, I mean, I think obviously, I guess you can, there, a lot of ladies, I think one of the things that's happened is that a lot of ladies are reacting to this in a way that's different from the men in the fact that, a lot of it's the result of the fact that they bear a lot more of the burden, like the consequences of fornication.

TAYLOR Yeah.

JORDAN. You know, so, a man can fornicate and get a girl pregnant and then absolve himself of all responsibility of what happens at that point and get away with it, you know? And in that kind of scenario, there's not always like an effective legal means of holding his feet to the fire or even a social means of doing that.

And, you know, particularly if she's sleeping around with people, you know, she may not even know who it is, right? And that kind of thing. And so, then what you have is you have a bunch of men who are using that one woman and she's left with the result of it all, right?

But then she's happy to be, like, she's involved in it. And this is part of what we deny, right? We deny that the lady has any culpability in any of this and any responsibility in any of this. But then, like, if you think about, like, well, what actually happens is she starts, she's pregnant, she's unmarried, she bears all the stigma of that still.

And there is, you know, despite Juno, there is still, like, stigma that's associated with single motherhood, right? So, what happens is, like, the lady is going to bear all that shame and guilt and we're pretending like it doesn't exist.

And so, then what actually happens is you have ladies who are just, like, full, like, they don't even know what they're doing. Like, they don't know, like, they're so intent upon trying to protect the woman in this kind of scenario that they don't realize that, like, the end result of this project that you're embarking upon is just to de-stigmatize, like, single motherhood, like, de-stigmatize fornication.

Like, that's not a good thing for society to de-stigmatize fornication. Like, we don't wanna do that, do we, right? So, like, in the effort of, like, so, in the best case scenario, you have, like, the Christian girls who were promiscuous in their past and maybe even had a child out of wedlock or something like that, and now Jesus has redeemed them and there's no, therefore, no condemnation.

Then they're taking that as, like, this, like, moral mandate to remove all the stigma and shame associated with fornication and, you know, untimely pregnancies, you know, that kind of stuff. And it's like, that's not actually good for anyone.

So, but then in the first instance, yes, a lady is gonna bear more of that by virtue of the fact that she's stuck with the result, right? Which is, I mean, part of why, like, this is why, like, fornication is riskier for women than men.

Like, it really is. Like, they're not, like, not only is it riskier, like, in terms of they're gonna bear all the consequences of it, like, biologically, I mean, like, emotionally it messes with them way more than it, like, it typically messes with a man too, right?

So, like, they attach, like, they're made to attach to men. Like, that's what they're, I mean, that's what they're made to do. I mean, I saw some ridiculous thing on Twitter about, like, a guy finding out that it was his wife's desire, she's about to die, and her desire was to sleep with her ex one last time before, like, her husband is finding this out, that her desire is to sleep with her ex one last time before she dies or something.

It's like, why does that happen? And that's not like, you look at that and it's not like, hey, that's a crazy woman or something, like, you can say that, but it's like, that's because women are made to attach to men, okay?

And it's harder for them to take it back, you know? So, like, it's, it really is.

That's gonna be an awkward funeral.

Yeah. I mean, it's ridiculous.

Especially if the ex comes.

See, the thing is, it's like, if you don't understand that there are differences between men and women along those lines, then you just look at that and you say, hey, women are stupid or something like that.

It's like, no, they're actually made to attach to men. Like, they are, you know, they emotionally attach to men, like, and then the more that men they emotionally attach with, the less they have to give to the last dude, you know, in the list.

So, like, that's the way it works. So, like, now you think about this, though, like, what I'm trying to say is, they bear all that, like, they bear all the consequences of the fornication and then the guys get off scot-free and then they look at the guys and they're like, hey, yeah, well, you know, I didn't get here from no one, from nothing, right?

There is a guy involved in this too. Can we please acknowledge there's a guy involved in this too? And maybe a bunch of guys involved in this too, and maybe I'm just a product of a bunch of being used by a bunch of men.

And yeah, all that's actually true, sure. Yeah, sure, all that's true, but then you can't, if there was some sort of guy who came along and preserved himself from all of that, then it's not as if you can, like, say, hey, you better just kind of accept me for, you know, like, you then come, you take on all this stuff, like, all this baggage I have, this emotional baggage, this, like, the consequences of all this stuff, you take it all on, right?

And now you're going to marry me and, you know, maybe the other guy has child visiting rights and all that, and you do that because men in general are pigs, it's like, well, that isn't necessarily the way this works, okay?

So, like, that isn't necessarily reasonable, but then I think what ends up happening, though, is that, yeah, I mean, there's also, like, the reality that, yeah, I mean, most men are looking at porn, addicted to porn, and so then if you have a bunch of men who are addicted to porn and then looking at the lady who, you know, got pregnant and saying, hey, you know, harlot, you know, scarlet letter, whatever, you know, like, Jezebel, Jezebel, you know, whatever, like, if that's what you're doing, it's like, isn't that pretty hypocritical?

And it's like, all that's true, all that's true, but at the same time, is there some ability to say, hey, yes, all that's true, but then in the best case scenario, you have two people who save themselves for each other for marriage, and that's the best situation, you know?

Isn't that a lot better? We don't have to deal with any of this, right? And so, and then, is it okay to, like, acknowledge that there are things.

The Cost of Sexual Sin and the Reality of Baggage

To do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get what you're saying, you know, and I think, because there are a lot of women, even women who, you know, we interact with online who I see sort of making, they're making these arguments that are essentially, hey, you've got to accept the woman for who she is, she's not less valuable just because she has a child now, or she's, you know, she's unmarried with a child, she's not a virgin, whatever, and, you know, I want to try to give them some benefit of the doubt in the sense that I'm sure there are plenty of, you know, reprobate men out there who are the, they are like the addicted to porn kind of guy, they are the guy who's had just as much, you know, intercourse himself with women, right?

But then they're being hypocritical about it, and they're probably not extending as much grace and mercy to the women they're talking about as they expect to be shown to them. I'm sure that probably happens, but then, yeah, at the end of the day, the reality is, it's like you're saying, hey, best case scenario, you know, the best case scenario is like, okay, you've got a man who didn't save himself for marriage, and you have a woman who didn't save herself for marriage, and now she has a child out of wedlock, and, you know, the woman's looking at this man and thinking, you need to view me as no less valuable than the woman who did save herself.

I think…. P1. Or, you know, or who didn't either, but at least didn't get pregnant, you know? P2. Didn't get pregnant, yeah, and it's like, hey, okay, but you've still got to acknowledge that that is not an ideal situation to start a marriage in, but you just have to be able to say that.

P1. Well, it's like, I mean, you can get.

Married to the guy without the life plan who has $100 ,000 worth of student loan debt, and like, can we all acknowledge that, hey, he may be the most godly man in the world or something like.

That, but then, like…. P2 That's not the ideal situation to start, you know, start the significant life change. P1 There are entailments to this, right?

P2 Sure.

P1. And I think it's perfectly fine to acknowledge that there, I mean, that's the thing, everyone just has to be reasonable. There's obviously entailments to what we're talking about. So, the choices that you make, like, just because you become a Christian, that doesn't mean that all the choices that you make no longer have consequences.

So, what you sow, you're going to reap, like, that's the point. And so, you can sow a bunch of different things. If you sow to the flesh, you're going to reap to the flesh corruption. And if you've slept around with a bunch of men and you have kids from three different dudes or whatever else, and you're a single mother, you've sown to the flesh a lot of this corruption that you're going to reap.

And then if you bring someone else into this equation, you're asking them to reap this with you, okay? In a way that they didn't have to. So, I mean, there's obviously, like, that's just, like, the thing, you know?

So, then if you can just be a little bit realistic about what's actually happening, like, when you have a single mother, like, there's, and a lot of guys aren't, they don't think about these things. But I mean, what often happens is you have a lady who is, like, who's providing for her?

No one's providing for her. So, what does that mean? She has, like, kids who she has, you know, have all of, you know, most of, like, the reason why she's in the mess she's in is because she has a bunch of scoundrels for friends, right?

So, she doesn't have good relationships. She doesn't have good friends. She's often not involved in church. And then she's in this scenario that she's in, like, she's not involved in church because she wasn't involved in church to begin with when she was getting into the mess that she was getting into, right?

So, now all of her relationships are all these pagans. And now she has to figure out how to put food on the table while having a kid. And the only way to do that is to pass this kid around to a bunch of disreputable people, right?

And then best case scenario, daycare, right? But then often ladies who are in the situation, they're not even able to afford daycares, right? So, like, meaning, like, they don't have money. They didn't have a life plan that they had set up that involves them, like, trying to figure out how to provide for a kid, right?

They were, they had probably a life plan. They didn't even, they probably just got pregnant. Like, some girl who gets pregnant when she's 16 or 17 or whatever else, she doesn't have any plan to provide for anyone.

There's no kind of job that she's going to get, you know? So, then at that point, her kids are being passed around by all these people in order to take care of her while she's working. And they're being raised by a bunch of godless pagans.

And so, then you think as a guy, you're going to come in there and you're going to take that on, and then you're going to say, hey, yeah, they're going to be my kid now or whatever else. It's like, but this eight-year-old kid has been discipled by a bunch of junk for a long time, you know?

And now, like, and then they have, like, other people in the mix, like, you know, the former dad, you know, who had, like, now you have to trade, you know, and hand them off to them for the weekend, you know, randomly.

And, you know, and then you can have all these financial situations where you're getting sued and, you know, you're, like, trying to hold onto the kid and they're being torn between two different people.

And then you have all the in-law situations and you have all the family situations. And so, I mean, it's obviously, like, that's just dealing with the kid element of it, right? But then, I mean, like, the issue is, it's like, you know, people who get divorced, they often get divorced over and over and over again.

That's the way it is. So, you know, people, like, everyone is, like, the issue is, like, literally everyone who gets divorced, they're going to say it was the other person. Like, that's what literally everyone says when they go into counseling.

It's not my fault, it's the other person. I can't see anything that I'm doing wrong, it's all them. So, I'm, like, you know, literally, you know, I'm the, you know, Mother Teresa, right? I'm a saint, right?

Whatever that means. But, you know, and then this guy is, literally, Adolf Hitler, you know? And that's what they're going to say every single time, but then if you have any kind of understanding about how human nature actually works, then you'll realize that, you know, it takes two to tango and there's, like, look, it is what it is, man.

Like, you know, people, like, if you were such a great wife, why did you have all the problems you had, right? And if you were such a great husband, like, if you're just so wonderful, like, you know, wouldn't that at least go a long way, you know, towards this thing?

And so, I mean, I think, like, the issue is, like, what ends up, what happens is, like, people, you got two people who are totally, utterly blind to their own problems and then they have significant problems and you put them in a relationship and this guy, and all that you get is you get two people utterly blind to their own problems in a relationship together who have no capacity to show grace and mercy to each other who then are magnifying, like, the significant problems on the other side and totally blind to the problems they have.

In the end, like, the end result is, like, they didn't learn any lessons from it and they just run through the cycle over and over again. So, I mean, that's why, like, you know, ladies who are in this situation from the very beginning, they often go through two or three husbands, four husbands with four different kids because they never fix the thing that was wrong with them in the beginning, right?

And you can just see it playing out in families to where this is, like, the dynamic to where it's just like, you know, grandmother has four divorces, you know, all the daughters have three or four divorces and that's the way it works, that's the way life works, you know?

And it's just like, well, that's because there were problems there that existed and then, you know, every new guy comes along, thinks, hey, yeah, it was the other dude, you know, she's pretty, you know?

She's pretty, she, you know, she sold me a good story, right? It was all this guy and then, you know, six months in, you know, three months in, whatever, they start realizing, oh, man, you know, that's what it was, right?

And so, I mean, like, the same thing happens with guys, you know? So, I mean, like, the issue is it's just like this is–these are just realities that people have to be honest about, like, and particularly when you live in the, like, in a society full of nominal Christians, when you're living in a society full of nominal Christians where everyone says they're a Christian, then, you know, okay, she, you know, she's pretty, she's, you know, she's used the abuse word, she was abused, you know, whatever else emotionally and all that ways, whatever, so then your heart goes out and then you could be, like, the savior that comes along and fixes the whole thing, right?

Because men are oriented to want to, like, fix it, right? Like, I'm going to fix it, I'm going to come along and it'll be different because, you know, I can make it better or whatever, and I can, you know, I can– there's like a God complex kind of thing there that's happening too, you know?

But then it's just like, hey, you know, like, look, just being honest about the nature of what we're even talking about, that at the very least, yes, this should be a red flag, you know? This should be something that says, like, how did this happen, right?

With extra levels of scrutiny that you obviously wouldn't show someone with very different outcomes, right? So, I mean, like, if you're considering marrying someone from an intact family, right? Intact family, no history of promiscuity, none of that, right?

Like, that's obviously those are– you have a lot of encouraging signs there, right? Covering it's, like, their life looks like a train wreck right now and the lives of all their family members look like a train wreck, right?

But, you know, it wasn't their fault, they just were the helpless victim of circumstances and all that. It's like, well, I don't know, like, maybe there's more to this than what I am being told at the very beginning,.

You know? So, do you think there's– what in your, you know, we've been talking about this saying, hey, the person, you know, the woman who she has the kid, you know, maybe she's divorced or maybe she just lost her husband, whatever.

In your mind, that's a red flag, meaning it's that needs to be looked into. It's not an inherent disqualifier yet, but there's a very good chance that it, you know, once you've investigated further, you realize it is.

What are the exceptions to that in your mind? So, give us an example of what would be, like, a hey, you hear about this at first, it's a red flag, you look into it more, it turns out it's not as bad as what it initially sounded like.

What would be an example of that in your mind?

Exceptions: Rape, Conversion, and a Faithful Track Record

JG. Yeah, I mean, obviously, the more red flags you pile onto a situation, the more concerned you should be. You get what I'm saying? So, like, I mean, I just painted, like, if this is, like, the girl that you're considering, like, this is, like, you're man number three, right?

You're man number three and there's two kids from two other people and then all of her family looks like that too, you know, at a certain point, it's just like, well, I think, yeah, you can be naive about what you're getting yourself into or you could understand that, okay, I understand what I'm looking at here, right?

Like, this wasn't an isolated incident. Yeah, I mean, I think there's obviously, like, you know, the girl who gets raped kind of, like, the extremely rare girl who gets raped, you know, who carries the baby due to no fault of her own kind of thing, you know, that, yeah, I mean, obviously, that's a different scenario, right?

That's a different kind of scenario than the scenario that we're talking about. That doesn't mean that there won't be entailments to that too, right?

Sure.

And there's a certain kind of person who is unwilling to hear that there are entailments to that also, but, I mean, obviously, like, that's a different situation than the kind of situation we're talking about.

I think, like, in general, like, if what you, what often happens is, like, in these kind of scenarios is there's a type of girl who will go through a bunch of stuff and then get remarkably converted and turn to Christ and be a totally new person, but then what often happens is you have ladies in these kind of situations who they don't darken the doors of a church, then they're at some crisis point where they need a bunch of help, then they get involved in a church, right, at that point?

Because they have, like, a extra source of babysitters and resources and people are going to think the best of them and not judge them and everything else, you know? So, I mean, I think, but then you don't necessarily, like, all you're looking at is, hey, maybe they're faithfully attending now, for now, right?

Yeah.

Until they can fix their situation, in which case, you know, who knows? But, so, I mean, there's that kind of person, but I think if you were to see, like, a long track record of, like, I was a pagan, you know, this all happened, I turned to Jesus, and there's, like, a substantial number of in-between years of faithfulness that you could look at to say that they've learned from this and they're different, you know?

I mean, that's a different kind of situation, but, I mean, I think in general, like, what, I mean, in an ideal world, you have, you know, people without baggage on both sides, you know, so what often happens is you have guys who are just so filled with guilt and shame from their own fornication that they're thinking, no good girl would ever wanna, you know, godly woman was ever gonna marry them, and so then they look at a situation like this, and they're like, hey, yeah, well, I would like to show someone the kind of grace that I would like to be shown to me, right?

Mm-hmm.

And then often what happens, even though in those kind of scenarios, is you end up, like, in a scenario where the guy is like, hey, I was trying to show grace, but I didn't realize how much baggage that is being showed here, right?

Yeah.

Like, how much baggage I'm in, how much of, like, all this stuff that other people did to this person is being taken out on, you know, me who's trying to show grace, right?

Yeah.

That kind of thing, so, I mean, I think in the best case scenario, you have a lot of, you have a person who is, like, has a long track record of being faithful post all this that godly people can look around and observe and test, you know, it's not just like a train wreck from start to finish, you know?

Yeah. Where you're just having to overlook red flag after red flag after red flag after red flag, you know? But then, I mean, obviously, it's just, like, once you get trapped in this kind of thing, you know, there's often just, it's hard, you know?

Yeah.

It's hard to...

Yeah, you definitely want to be careful if you're considering entering into that kind of.

Situation, right? Well, I mean, like, as a lady, like, when you're a lady who is just kind of being, you know, like, what often happens is, like, once, like, and the reason why it repeats is because, like, you're in part, you know, like, they're attracted to the same kind of dude, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. And then the kind of person who is gonna give them more compassion and grace and whatever else are, you know, guys who have their, like, significant own issues too, right? Who are just looking for someone, like, just looking for a warm body or whatever, right?

Kind of thing, you know? And so then you end up, like, a lady who is not prepared to do all the parenting and providing and everything on her own, who is being passed from worthless dude to worthless dude because they're the only ones who are gonna give her a time of day kind of thing, right?

And then it's just a nightmare. So, yeah, I mean, I think, obviously, like, God is forgiving God that, you know, there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If the Lord would account iniquities, none of us could stand.

All those things are true, and, like, there's hard situations that people can find themselves in, but then, you know, there is, like, the reality that people should obviously, I mean, this is– these are– if everyone, like, looked at– the thing is, if everyone were to look at what's on the other side of sexual sin and see, like, where it ends up and would flee from it with everything that they have, that doesn't have to be them, you know what I'm saying?

Like, I mean, that doesn't, like, 99 .9, you know, times out of 100, that's not even, like, these are– like, what we're talking about is people who've willingly chosen this path that's contrary to God's plan and they're reaping all the bitter consequences of it, and so there has to be some way for people, you know, to look at man on the outside and say, hey, maybe we should just all do what God says, you know?

Maybe this is all what you expect to happen when we all just say, no, we don't want to be king over us, and, like, it's just going to be a bunch of pain and suffering and, you know, mess, you know? And so God's just going to let us go through it because, like, until we wake up, and, like, that's–.

So the way of the transgressor is hard. If you want to be spared all the hard that comes from that, then there's a clear way, and so, you know, I think at the end of the day, like, the real repentant person, the real repentant person isn't going to be the person who's saying, hey, I deserve a consequence-free life, you know?

The real repentant person is just going to say, hey, I don't deserve anything, you know? So if someone wants to have mercy on me, and then I don't deserve it, and I'll be grateful to that, right? But then what's often happening in these kind of situations is you have people who feel like they deserve mercy, and when you just– when you feel like you deserve it, that's, like, you're the worst person to show it to, you get what I mean?

Like, I'm not saying that–. I'm saying, like, let me see if I can word that in a way that doesn't trigger necessarily people. What I mean is, like, showing a person– like, when you show– like, there's nothing worse than showing a person mercy who feels like you owe that to them, you know?