- 00:02
- Should I stay or should I go? Flo is already bopping her head.
- 00:09
- Some of you know that song, you're aging yourselves. But it's more than just the title of a hit song from back in the dark ages.
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- It's a question today that hundreds, if not thousands, of people who are in their church are wrestling within themselves.
- 00:25
- Should I stay in the church I'm at or should
- 00:31
- I go? One of the things I try to highlight, just finished our membership classes here last week, is to have the right mindset about the church, ecclesiology, the doctrine of the church.
- 00:43
- And that is, if you're committed to the head, Jesus Christ, you are automatically, inevitably, consequently committed to the body.
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- But a lot of Christians want to decapitate the head and say, I'm committed to Christ, but not to the body.
- 01:01
- Nowhere is that true in the scriptures. So many times people will just leave church, their church, whatever it is, that maybe they shouldn't, and others who should be leaving are not leaving.
- 01:14
- So I want to discuss today three things I'm going to highlight under three categories. And that is reasons to leave the church, biblical, valid,
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- God -honoring reasons to leave the local body you might be a part of. Then, secondly, reasons not to leave the church.
- 01:29
- And then third, how to leave, if you do leave, how to leave well. But before we do that,
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- I want to stimulate your thinking as a thought provoker. On your handout that you have there, you'll have a list of ten things.
- 01:42
- I want you, if you will, number them. One to ten, ten being the, this is the top ten list of why people today, it's a survey, leave the church they're a part of.
- 01:54
- So a number of them, what you feel are one to ten, one being the most common reason why people leave church, to go to another local body, and ten being the least common.
- 02:06
- No, no, what actually is the survey? Yeah, yeah. Well, what you think, yeah, and then I'll give you the answers.
- 02:13
- Yeah, yeah, exactly. Good question. Thanks, Larry. And then we'll go through that. What do you think is the most common reason people leave from one to ten?
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- And you can list them there, and then we'll go over it. This is just to provoke your thinking a little bit, so you'll see where our culture is at.
- 02:43
- Be interested to see if anyone got what is the number one most common reason. How are we doing?
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- As you're going through that, I want to reiterate again the importance of, I mean, the
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- Scripture uses many, many metaphors about the church, but the one I want to highlight, as I mentioned earlier, is the head and the body.
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- 1 Corinthians 12 is a classic passage, you don't have to turn there, but commitment to the head is commitment to the body of Christ.
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- One flows from the other. And we'll see as we get into this how that translates practically.
- 03:30
- We're not going to be looking up a lot of Scripture passages, and I wanted to give you some practical wisdom on this today. Okay, I'm going to go backwards, top ten list, ten to one, okay?
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- The tenth reason people leave a church, 13 % say. By the way, this is taken from Lifeway Research, Lifeway branch of the
- 03:55
- Southern Baptists, Lifeway Research. Number ten, pastors seemed hypocritical. That was the reason number ten.
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- I don't know if you had it, most of you had it higher, I imagine. Yes? Yeah, that was a kind of surprise for me too.
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- Number nine, related, 14 % said this. Pastor was judgmental of others.
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- Okay, those of you who have been here long enough, what is an unbeliever's favorite Bible verse? Judge not, lest you be judged.
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- Well, we got to read the whole context. Okay, the eighth one, 14 % also said this.
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- Church was run by a clique that discouraged involvement. Number eight, church was run by a clique that discouraged involvement.
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- Seventh reason, the church didn't seem to be a place where God was at work. 14 % also said that.
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- Church wasn't a place where God was at work. Sixth reason, kind of relates to number ten, which was the pastor seemed this hypocritical.
- 05:14
- Well, the members seem hypocritical. That's the sixth reason. I remember one fellow, my wife and I, when we lived in New York, we're talking to him and he said,
- 05:26
- I'm not coming to the church anymore because they're all a bunch of hypocrites. I said to him, welcome to the boat, you're in there too.
- 05:33
- And so am I. So we went on and explained to him the gospel beginning with sin.
- 05:42
- Number five, there's just too many changes. 16%. Too many changes.
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- One service, two services. I mean, when we had one service, we could get up, we had time enough to do it, get up and greet one another.
- 05:57
- But I miss that. We can't do that as much with two services. I don't know. But that's what, this is a general survey.
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- Too many changes was number five. Okay, fourth, the pastor was not a good preacher. 16 % listed that.
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- That was a fourth reason for people leaving the church. Pastor was not a good preacher. Okay, from ten to four, did any of you pick any of those for your number one reason?
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- Which one, Joel? Okay. Top three, number three, church members were judgmental of others.
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- There's a judgmental card again. Church members, not just the pastor, but just judgmental of others.
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- 18 % said that. Second, I did not feel engaged or involved in meaningful church work.
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- I did not feel engaged or involved in meaningful church work. Therefore, the number one reason, the church was not helping me to develop spiritually.
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- 28%. Anybody pick that? Wow. A lot of you got that right.
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- What's that? The most sinful one, okay. 28%, about one quarter.
- 07:21
- Okay. Reasons to leave. Now, we're going to get through three categories.
- 07:27
- I said the reasons to leave, reasons not to leave, and then how to leave well. But caveat, as I go through these reasons to leave, this is not to say we'll kind of get back to it when we get to the third category, how to leave well, that just because these are valid reasons, don't just boom.
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- You'll understand that when we get to the very end. First of all, and this is kind of broad strokes.
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- It might not cover some things that you may be thinking about, but I'm doing it in a broad stroke kind of way. Some are more specific.
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- Ordination of women. A lot of denominations are doing that nowadays. Women are to be ordained for the pastor as ministers.
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- I have a cousin, they go to a church whose pastor is a woman. She's ordained. Second, kind of similar.
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- This, as we know, has been part of our culture. It's just Romans 1, spiraling down.
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- Ordination of homosexuals. A lot of denominations allow for that. Those two are kind of almost no -brainers,
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- I guess. Okay, third, let's get into some more detail.
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- If you're in a church. Now, we're talking if you're in a church or somebody's in a church. Not necessarily, you can also use these as what to look for in a church.
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- But if you're in a church and these are the things that would be valid to leave, but we'll discuss again how to go about it.
- 08:48
- The third reason I have is doctrinal purity has been compromised. Doctrinal purity has been compromised.
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- I was teaching at a college and career group at another church this past Friday. And I can tell they're not into doctrine because I taught on doctrine and I think they were bored to death.
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- They loved the music, but then when it was time to teach the scriptures, there was a lot of yawning going on. And it wasn't for lack of passion from my part.
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- Doctrinal purity, okay. What are the non -negotiables of the faith? Let me ask you that. One at a time. Listen to me.
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- What we would refer to as the non -negotiables of our faith? Anybody? The gospel, okay.
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- One at a time. Bruce? The Bible, okay. The Trinity.
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- Ah. Go ahead. Salvation by grace alone through faith alone in?
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- Christ alone. Good. The gospel, Trinity, the Bible, salvation.
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- Somebody? Bruce. I mean, yes. Jose. The deity of Christ.
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- Good. Is that what you were going to say? Yes. Okay. Great minds do think alike, I guess. The deity of Christ.
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- How about something else concerning Christ? The resurrection, bodily resurrection.
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- Something else about Christ that Eric Johanson led us in service during communion last week.
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- Substitutionary? Atonement. Let me give you this quote from the
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- Truth Matters conference from 2011. Phil Johnson interviewing Pastor MacArthur.
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- And in talking about any pastor of a local body, Pastor MacArthur says this. Look, he may have, he referring to the pastor, may have a different view of the fall of angels.
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- He may have a different view of baptism. He may have a different view of eschatology. We don't all have different views of eschatology here, do we?
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- And that might be the best shot you've got. That might be the best church there is there. But what the question that needs to be asked are, is he faithful to the core of the gospel?
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- Which is a triune God, which was mentioned by Bruce. The deity of Christ. The deity of the
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- Holy Spirit. The deity of God the Father. The virgin birth. The sinless life of Christ.
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- Substitutionary atonement. Literal resurrection. Salvation by grace alone. Through faith alone.
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- In Christ alone. That's what I call the drive train, MacArthur says. He continues, if those things are right, you might have to tolerate some of the other things that aren't nearly as absolutely critical as those are.
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- Doctrinal purity. And we know that from Ephesians 4, without turning there. Christ, the risen
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- Lord, gave some to be pastors, teachers, apostles, prophets for the foundation of the church. And today, pastor, teachers, and evangelists for the equipping of the saints.
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- And that we might not be carried away. We would no longer be infants carried away by false teaching and false doctrine.
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- So doctrinal purity is important. Fourthly, which is kind of the other side of the coin. Moral purity.
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- Moral purity. Paul says to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4 .16 to watch over your life and your doctrine.
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- Both. It's two sides of one coin. Doctrinal purity and moral purity, right?
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- Yes. And this comes into the area of church discipline.
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- Just read some verses for you. You can just write them down if you want.
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- I'm not going to Matthew 18. Romans 16. Pastor Mike preached on this a few weeks ago.
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- I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught.
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- Avoid them. Titus 3. As for a person who stirs up division after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him.
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- 2 Thessalonians 3 .14. If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person and have nothing to do with him that he may be ashamed.
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- When we first started, my wife and I come to the church here three years ago. I wasn't in the service initially a few first few
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- Sundays. I was sitting with my little daughter in the nursery because everything was new to her. So I would ask my wife, how was the service?
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- What was it about? Well, one of those first few Sundays and it was sad in a way. There was a church discipline happening here and it's sad for the pastor, sad for the leaders.
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- But what I realized, I looked at my wife and when she told me, I said to her, I said, this is the church for us.
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- Because when leadership is willing to do what Christ says, I think that's very important. In the Gospels, the term for ecclesia, a little bit of ecclesiology here.
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- The term for church, which is ecclesia, is only mentioned two times. Twice. Now, there's a lot in the epistles that the
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- Lord has allowed through the Apostle Paul and the Apostle Peter to write about the church life and what we're to do.
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- First and second, Timothy and Titus, the pastoral epistles. And Peter has a lot to say in his first letter about church.
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- But Christ himself only used the term ecclesia twice. One time was when he told
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- Peter, I will build my church. Now you think, well, the second time that Christ used the term church, what would he talk about?
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- How to do evangelism? How to worship? How to preach?
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- No. He talked about Matthew 18 there. If your brother sins against you, just the two of you, talk to him.
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- Nobody else. Doesn't listen, doesn't repent, bring two or three others. For the sake of restoring that person.
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- That's the goal. Restoration and repentance. If he doesn't listen to those, bring it before the church.
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- Local body. The only second time. So the only time Christ gives any actual instruction,
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- Matthew 16, 18 is actually a promise that he will build his church. It's his church and he will build it. But the only instruction that always struck me that Christ gives in the gospels about the church is the area of how to deal with sin.
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- Why? Ephesians 5. Pastor Steve last year, I believe, did a whole series of Sunday schools on this.
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- Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Parathetical note. And gave himself for her.
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- Why? To present her holy. That's why a bride walks down the aisle in a white gown.
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- We're the bride of Christ. So Christ is all consumed as a head about the purity, the moral purity of the church.
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- Okay, three more reasons that would be valid God honoring to leave. But then, of course, we'll couch it with to do it in the right way.
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- Number five. Expository.
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- If you're in a church that focuses on expository preaching, then it's abandoned. When expository preaching is abandoned.
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- Now, that doesn't mean that you can't have topical messages. Sometimes pastors might want to switch their p .m. message with their a .m.
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- message. The point is that the focus is not just topical.
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- That's not the environment, the culture of that local body. Expository preaching highlights 2
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- Timothy 4 that we preach the Bible. What does the Bible? What is God's agenda? Verse by verse.
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- So I don't have to skip over sections that are difficult. That's doing what the Apostle Paul told
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- Timothy as his swan song letter, 2 Timothy 4. Last words are lasting words. Preach the word.
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- Don't preach what's going on in the evangelical culture. Don't preach your own humanistic philosophy. Preach the
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- Bible. And again, I'll couch that at the end. That doesn't mean that, oh, you know, if all of a sudden there's topical,
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- I'm out of here. We need to discuss how to approach that. Six. When you're in a church and all of a sudden seeker -sensitive movement is embraced.
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- When the seeker -sensitive movement is embraced. What do I mean by seeker -sensitive? For those who might not be familiar with that, it means that we run the church.
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- We have worship on Sunday based upon what's been a misnomer, what a seeker, an unbeliever who's seeking
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- God. But we know from Romans 3, right, that no one seeks God in and of themselves. But anyway, that's been the label that when a so -called seeker, what do they want?
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- People who are pastors of seeker -sensitive churches, traditionally they'll go out in the streets. And they'll say, what are you looking for in a church?
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- So we'll gauge a church, what we do Sunday morning based upon what everybody else thinks.
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- Not about what the head of the church, Jesus, has said in his word. So when we embrace, when a church that we're a part of has not been seeker -sensitive and all of a sudden embraces that.
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- That would be valid to say, wait, what's going on here? And we'll discuss how to go about that. And the last one
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- I have, which actually will be one of the reasons why not to leave a church. But I have it in both categories and I'll try to qualify it.
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- Is music, the issue of music. But what do I mean in this category, why leave?
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- When music is central over the pulpit. Like when I went this past Friday to the church, there is no pulpit.
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- Teaching and preaching is not central. It's all about the music. And music is important,
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- I love to sing. But when that becomes primary over the word, that's important. I love what
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- John MacArthur says, it's called the 7 -11 music. Seven words, repeated 11 times.
- 18:20
- Okay, any comments or questions on these? From the doctrinal moral purity and some of the others I mentioned. Okay, reasons not to leave.
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- These are actually the first two that I'm going to list. I have found in my few years of experience are actually the most common things why people leave.
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- The first one is the youth group. The youth group, you know that church down the street?
- 18:49
- Their youth group is so much better. They play rock and roll music, it's so much fun.
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- My kids are bored. Our children are not the spiritual directors of our home.
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- You as a parent are and you have to make that decision. In terms of your children.
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- But they're not the directors. They should not be choosing the church we attend based upon their social status and network.
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- The second which I think is the top two for why people leave a church but ought not to is, again
- 19:26
- I bring it as music. But not when music, not as I mentioned before when music takes precedence over the scriptures.
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- But you know, well I like traditional versus contemporary music. If you ever do a general search online on the internet, the first thing that churches highlight today is not what they believe their doctrine or what they teach if it's expository or topical or not, it's the music and you'll see temporary, contemporary, traditional.
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- Traditional or contemporary or both. We welcome everything. But that ought not to be the reason.
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- The third one, I know some of it was touched in the survey about the pastor, judgmental or hypocritical.
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- Third reason not to leave when you have unrealistic expectations of the pastor. Unrealistic expectations of the pastor.
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- When I had the privilege of pastoring a small church, it was a church plant. And because it was a church plant, the very first thing
- 20:25
- I did at our first meeting was ask him that exact question. What are your expectations of me?
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- Because a lot of times there's unspoken expectations that are unspoken, unsaid, but they're real.
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- And so if the pastor doesn't meet my personal expectations of him, then whether the expectations are biblical or not.
- 20:47
- Listen to this. I found this on a blog, on a website. I think it was, I forget the website now, but this explains this under this category.
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- Here it is, quote, The ideal pastor, I found this very funny, but it got the point across.
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- The ideal pastor preaches exactly 20 minutes within hours content. He condemns sin, but never offends anybody.
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- He works from 8am to midnight and also serves as a church janitor. He makes $40 a week, wears good clothes and donates 30 of that 40 a week to the church.
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- He is 29 years old, has 40 years of experience. He's a strong leader, yet also follows everyone's advice.
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- He can effectively relate to all the teenagers and spends all of his time with the elderly.
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- He is tall and short, thin and heavyset, and has one brown eye and one blue eye.
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- He makes 15 house calls a day, regularly visits the hospital, and he is always in his office.
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- End quote. I'm still looking for that pastor. Haven't found him yet. Unrealistic expectations of the pastor.
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- Of course, realistic expectations should be what the Bible simply states. Okay, fourth reason not to leave.
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- This kind of relates to one of the survey questions. Here it is, let me give it to you. I'm not being ministered to.
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- I am not being ministered to. I'll put it a different way, same idea. My needs are not being met.
- 22:35
- There's an associate pastor, an assistant pastor at a Reformed church in Lansing, Michigan. I believe he's
- 22:40
- Greek based upon his last name. Even I had a hard time pronouncing it. Jason Halopoulos. And he says this.
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- Quote, I tell every one of our new member classes, if we all walked into church each week and had a list of people we were going to try and encourage or minister to, do you know how dynamic this church would be?
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- Just on Sunday mornings, let alone if we did it during the week. If we each were concerned about the other person and walked in each
- 23:07
- Sunday with that in the forefront of our mind, instead of, why didn't he talk to me? Why doesn't anyone care about me?
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- Why isn't anyone ministering to me? Start ministering to others, Jason says, and you will find that you are being ministered to.
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- End quote. Even if it's, you know, you might not be in the setting of a home group, but even here as you walk along each other and rub shoulders, you seek to serve and to provide a word of encouragement, whatever it is.
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- On this reason, also Tom Rayner, who is the CEO of LifeWay, he's got his
- 23:46
- Master of Divinity from Southern Baptist Theological, and I'm curious to read his latest book,
- 23:54
- I'm a Church Member. He says this, listen carefully on this whole issue of needs not being met.
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- Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church backdoor, the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church.
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- And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.
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- But all the research studies of which I'm aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members.
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- And here it is. A sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.
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- Many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement.
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- I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.
- 24:53
- Look, for example, he says that some of the direct quotes from exit interviews, and I'm just quoting here why people said they left.
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- Quote, The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted. The pastor did not feed me.
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- No one from my church visited me. I was not about to support the building program they wanted.
- 25:19
- I was out two weeks. No one called me. They moved the times of the worship service.
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- It messed up my schedule. I told my pastor to go visit my cousin.
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- He never did. Tom continues, We have turned church membership into country club membership.
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- You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits. The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture.
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- The Apostle Paul even uses the member metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation.
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- In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they should give.
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- The solution he finishes to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality.
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- End quote. So you come, whether it's on a Sunday or throughout the week, or wherever you engage with the local body, how can
- 26:23
- I serve this person? What is the Christian life? How is one saved?
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- What is the essence of being a Christian? Galatians 2 .20 I have been crucified with Christ and I what? I no longer live.
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- But Christ lives in me. What's the key to marriage? Not I, but we.
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- What's the key to the local body, the ecclesiology, the church? Not self, but others.
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- Serving others. Okay, couple of more reasons not to leave. Number five, children's ministry.
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- Now, by saying not to leave, it's not what I'm saying these are not important. But you have to know what is priority and how to go about it as we'll touch on the end.
- 27:07
- Well, you say, let me go back to the youth ministry we mentioned earlier in church ministry. Well, I don't like what they're doing. Children's ministry is not happening for my kids.
- 27:17
- And we just talked about not having an entitlement mentality but a servant mentality. Good opportunity to serve.
- 27:23
- Get involved in the youth ministry. Get involved in the children's ministry. You'll love some of the children, especially mine.
- 27:32
- Okay, a sixth reason why not to leave. Because there's a buzz about another church. A buzz is going around.
- 27:39
- An evangelical buzz. They're very contemporary and cutting edge. They do things differently.
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- Kind of dry where I'm at. I want to go where the buzz is. And here's how the argument goes with that.
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- That the Spirit of God is at work there because there's a buzz going on. Don't you know that reference?
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- 2 Corinthians 12, 12. Where the Spirit of God is, there is a buzz. Seventh reason not to leave.
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- The church has changed. The church has changed. It could be a number of things. Changing services.
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- Church has always changed. And I write here, unless the changes are unbiblical then we don't have a reason to move on.
- 28:22
- We don't move on when our wife or husband changes. And the eighth reason not to leave.
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- If it were to happen to a church that somebody's a part of, a new pastor comes along. And people say, okay, that's it.
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- I'm with the old pastor. We're going on into a new pastor. I'm gone. Question is, does he meet the qualifications of a pastor of an elder?
- 28:49
- And is he the one that has been called to that service? Okay, any questions on reasons not to leave?
- 28:59
- Okay, so now, even for reasons to leave that were mentioned. Doctrinal purity, moral purity, all that stuff, preaching the word of God.
- 29:06
- But how do you do it well? Let's say somebody is thinking, should
- 29:12
- I stay or should I go? But they have one of the valid reasons. Maybe they find some doctrinal impurity.
- 29:20
- Or maybe there's been something else from the list that I gave you of seven. Maybe we're going a little too secret sensitive.
- 29:28
- The first thing I would say, if you are even thinking of leaving, even for the right reasons. Because what happens a lot of times,
- 29:34
- I mentioned at the beginning, people who ought not to be leaving are leaving their local body. People who ought to be leaving are not.
- 29:41
- And I'll give you some examples of some friends of mine. Boy, my friends provide great examples all the time. Not very the best example.
- 29:47
- Some of you are probably thinking, maybe I shouldn't hang out with Harry too much. But if you're thinking of leaving, if you're wrestling with the question, should
- 29:56
- I stay or should I go? Before anything else, address the issue or issues that are making you think about this, even if it's valid with the leadership.
- 30:06
- So you can talk it out. Even you say in your mind, but it's a valid reason. I mean, it was taught in Sunday school class.
- 30:13
- He said doctrinal impurity has been being compromised. Address it with your leaders first. And by the way, to do it well, not via text, not via email, not via a letter, but face to face.
- 30:32
- Address it. You never know as you talk what's going on, what might happen. Even if it's a valid reason, before you make a decision to move on to a new body, address it, even for valid reasons as that.
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- Secondly, after that, have a good reason for leaving. Before you go, evaluate whether your reasons are good, legitimate and God -honoring.
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- Not one of the other ones that we mentioned, which is you ought not to be leaving for that. Now, that doesn't mean, again, you shouldn't talk.
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- If you're concerned about it, it shouldn't be a valid reason to leave, but you can, again, address it with the leadership, pastor and elders.
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- So after you've, if you're thinking of leaving, discuss it. If you made your decision after you've discussed it, then you can do that as we go through this list.
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- Let me give you a couple of examples. I have a friend who the church has compromised on moral purity, not doctrinal purity, but moral purity, okay?
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- So I've been working with him for a number of years, and he's now an elder at his church, and we've been walking through what the
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- Scripture says about church discipline. So he's walked through it with a pastor and with the elders about church discipline, and now they're beginning to implement that in meeting with people concerning that whole issue.
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- I have another friend who the issue is not moral purity, but doctrinal purity has been compromised.
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- Actually, I think it's the church where I spoke at Friday. And he's frustrated. He says, they've given me watered -down topical stuff.
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- I'm not being fed. I said, well, don't talk to anybody else about it. You go in and address it privately with the pastor.
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- Honor him in that way. And with the leaders. He says, I have. What happened? Nothing has changed. I said, okay.
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- How long do you want to be patient? You want to wait six months? You have to make a decision. Or a year? If you feel that doctrine is not important there and they're just giving you watered -down topical stuff, you have to decide on that.
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- But the first thing is to go and address it. And he did. Thirdly, communicate your decision to leave with the leadership again face -to -face.
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- So once you, if you're thinking about a communicator, but then when you finally decide with legitimate reasons for the reasons we gave, then communicate with them.
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- Fourthly, tell these leaders the truth about why you're leaving.
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- If you have legitimate reasons to leave, then you have nothing to hide or worry about. Don't couch the real, sometimes difficult reasons behind a bunch of spiritualized nonsense.
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- That, I'm saying that to say that it's not easy to leave, especially when you've been engaged in a local body and been a part of that body.
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- It's not easy. So be upfront and tell them the truth as you've been discussing it. And of course, by the time you get to this point, you would have already discussed, you know,
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- I'm thinking of leaving because of this. So by that time, when you get to that step, it's not like, oh, wow, it'll be much easier in maintaining open communication lines.
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- Five, this is very, very important. If you're involved in any kind of ministry in the local body that you're a part of. Five, appropriately transition or conclude your ministry commitments.
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- So if you're involved in a ministry, anyway, you should already be working or mentoring or discipling somebody who could take over for you or pass on the baton, so to speak.
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- But if you leave your local body, make sure your commitments of ministry are taken care of. You just don't leave a hole.
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- If you've been an active part of ministry, your role will need to be transitioned. So that's very important to do.
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- This period shouldn't drag on, but you also shouldn't not just drop the ball on the people you've been committed to.
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- You shouldn't make it a long, drawn -out process, but at the same time, you want to make sure you leave with that in place if you're serving in a certain capacity.
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- And lastly, leave graciously. Leave graciously. I found one of the best quotes
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- I found on what it means to leave graciously is this one. It was a post by Ray Pritchard, and he says this, leaving graciously means, listen to this, you refuse to speak evil of those who remain in the church.
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- Look forward, not backward. Focus on your new church, not your old one.
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- Think carefully before you speak about your former congregation. Don't say anything that could be remotely construed as criticism.
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- Even casual comments could stir up endless controversy. Let the golden rule guide all your comments, public and private.
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- So it's leaving graciously is what's very important. So it's not just knowing the right reasons to leave, maybe some reasons that are not right to leave
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- God -honoring, but the key is whether which category it is, whether it's the right reasons to leave or not to leave, is how to leave.
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- It's to discuss it, even if you say, well, my reason's valid, so I can leave without telling anybody. No, you need to discuss it and talk about it.
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- Many people leave for the right reasons, but leave the wrong way. Others leave for the wrong reasons, but still communicate it, leave in the right way, in that manner that they communicate with the church and with the elders, with the leaders.
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- The church I pastor was about 20. I'm just using this as an example because that's what I know. And some people, you know, when people leave a church, you feel it more when it's a small congregation.
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- Some people left well, and some people didn't leave so well. Some people, when they left, sat down with us and talked with us.
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- Others just left and then showed up two, three years later and hi. Oh, hi. Can I be involved in your music team?
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- Really? Why'd you leave the church? You left our church and you went to another church. Can I call your pastor and ask for a recommendation?
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- Phil Johnson, going back to Truth Matters, interviewed with John MacArthur. These are very wise words for Pastor John.
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- He says this. First of all, don't be in a big hurry to change churches.
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- I don't like that, he says. I don't like church hopping all the time, going here, going there, jumping here, jumping there.
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- You need to be a part of a community of people that you become intimately acquainted with, that you're personally involved with, that you minister to, minister with love and are loved by, and you use your gifts, and you fulfill the one another's, and you're not going to find a perfect church.
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- You're not going to find a perfect pastor. And I understand, MacArthur says, there's a downside to the ubiquitous nature of people like me, because it's, you know, people like you tend to compare your pastor to me, and that's,
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- I don't like that. I don't feel comfortable with that, because pastors are my favorite people in the world. They need your support.
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- They need your love. They need your help. They need your encouragement. So find a place and land there.
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- You're not perfect. That place isn't perfect. He's not perfect. I'm not perfect.
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- Find a place where you can serve and use your gifts. So now he's anticipating, in this quote, what others might say.
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- And he says, you say, well, what kind of place? You're telling me MacArthur to find a place and land there and serve and get involved in the life of the church?
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- What kind of place? And he answers the question. A place where the Word of God is honored and Christ is exalted.
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- Okay? The Word of God is honored, Christ is exalted, and that can come in a lot of different packages.
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- And where the leaders are trustworthy. So notice he mentions really three criteria. The Word of God is honored,
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- Jesus Christ the head is exalted, and the leaders are trustworthy. Don't leave because you got ticked off at a meeting.
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- Don't leave because somebody made a decision that made you mad. Don't leave because you didn't like the fact that they put somebody in this responsibility, and it should have been you, or somebody you wanted.
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- Don't let it get petty. End quote. Good words of wisdom.
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- Okay, we have a couple minutes left. Any comments, questions about how to go about it?
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- Right. Amen. Good point. Excellent. Alright, let's close it with a word of prayer.
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- Father, thank you for Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who is the head of the church.
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- He is the one who said I will build my church. It's his church. And we thank you for the body.
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- Thank you, Father, that you have, as Dave freshly reminded us that we were placed there, appointed by you, into the body by the
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- Holy Spirit, as 1 Corinthians 12 says. Pray that you would help us and help people around in other churches who just don't have that commitment to the body that they claim they have to the head of the church.
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- Those are not two things that can be separated. Father, guide us with your word and help us,
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- Father, to love the church the way Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. In Christ's name we pray.