TLP 37: Parenting a Terrorist | what to do when your child explodes

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God never promised that parenting would be comfortable, but you can always do what you have to do.

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Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, AM Brewster. Have any of your children ever engaged in terrorism?

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I'm not asking if they've ever blown up a car or murdered people in the name of a false God or corrupt government.

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But that doesn't mean that you don't have a terrorist living in your home. But more on that in a minute.

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Many of you have likely heard the TLP snippet number 5 that we published a couple Saturdays ago. But for those of you who didn't,

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I want to share with you a massive blessing. In the month of February, a Truth. Love. Parent participated in a competition and we won.

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By God's grace, we were gifted Potomac's most expensive and robust publishing account for free for life.

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That is over a $900 a year value for life with the ability to reach a larger audience without having to ever take down our previous episodes.

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Now if you like more details and the exciting account of how God blessed us with this amazing provision, I encourage you to listen to, again, a

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TLP snippet number 5. It's just a couple minutes long, but it's pretty exciting. Okay, now back to this concept of parenting a terrorist.

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Merriam -Webster defines terrorism as, quote, the systematic use of terror, especially as a means of coercion.

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They further define terror as a state of intense fear. Has your son ever thrown a tantrum?

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Has your daughter ever yelled at you? Have they hit a wall? Deliberately broken something of yours?

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Has he ever threatened to hurt you, himself, or someone else? Did she ever do any of those things in order to get her way?

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Well, then your child's a terrorist. It may not have been that fearsome when they were smaller, or it may have been.

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Paul Tripp tells a story of a mother who every day prayed that her child would sleep in and then spent the day looking forward to when he would be in bed, and her child was only four.

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But definitely, as our children get older, taller, smarter, and stronger, their intimidation tactics are more substantial.

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But it's okay. Young or old, don't worry. Yes, your child is a terrorist, but he comes by it naturally.

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Honestly, which of us hasn't used terror tactics in our pasts? Hopefully we're past that now.

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Hopefully. Unfortunately, we parents are often as prone as our children to use terrorism. But we'll save that topic of how not to be a terrorist parent for later.

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Because of our sin natures, there's not a child on the planet who hasn't engaged in terror tactics at least once in his or her life.

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Some are worse than others, but regardless of how powerful or successful your child's terror attempts have been, it behooves every parent to know how to deal with a terrorist.

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Today, I'd like to give you two tips for anti -terrorism in your home. But before I do that, I want you to know that though it may sound like I'm making light of a very real and very scary situation,

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I'm not. And I want to say specifically to those of you who have a very rebellious and troublesome child at home,

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I completely understand what you're going through. Because I, like you, am often tempted to parent out of fear.

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I have up to 10 terrorists living in my home every year, and this includes my own biological children. For those of you who don't know,

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I work in a home for at -risk teens. And sometimes I might be afraid that a boy might hurt someone or something or himself, but sometimes it's just as simple as I don't want to have to deal with the 45 -minute -long hassle that will follow if I correct his behavior.

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So we're definitely in this together, and I want my experience and study to benefit you. So here are my two anti -terrorism tips from a once -fearful father.

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1. As Christian parents, we must never fear terrorists.

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Proverbs 29 and 25 says, The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the

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Lord is safe. You see, we need not fear our children or what they may do because we serve a

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God who is far greater and more powerful than they. He will keep us safe when we believe

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His word and act on it. Our homes and even our bodies may bear the marks of a wrathful child, but we need never fear that child because He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world.

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Doing what God commands is always wiser than doing what man demands. The consequence for disobeying

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God is always worse. We've been called by the sovereign God of the universe to intentionally and premeditatively parent our children to the nurture and admonition of the

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Lord. We are to care for them physically and spiritually even when they don't reciprocate. And this almighty

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God will correct and discipline us if we fail to do so. Paul told Timothy in 1

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Timothy 5 .8, But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

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This is a high standard with incredible consequences. Jesus gave us his own twist on this principle, never fear terrorists, when he said in Luke 12,

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I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body and after that have nothing more that they can do.

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You see, the God -man who would eventually lay down his own life to death by the hands of his own creation basically said, what's the worst they can do?

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But see, then Jesus continues and says, But I will warn you whom to fear. Fear him who after he is killed has authority cast into hell.

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Yes, I tell you, fear him. All of this to say, there is far more reason to fear

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God when we're not ambassador parents than there is to fear our children when we are.

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But then Jesus continues yet again in the same passage and says, Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?

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And not one of them is forgotten before God? Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not.

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You are more of value than many sparrows. Jesus just told us that the one to be afraid of is

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God. But then he shows us that if we are his children, we have nothing to fear because he loves us and cares for us more than the sparrows he superintends.

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Romans 8 .28 sums us up as well. When we love God, believe his word, and are actively trying to fulfill his plan in our lives, we have nothing to worry about.

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God will orchestrate it all to be the best for us. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good, to those who love

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God, to those who are called according to his purpose. And this goes for our children. So the next time you're tempted to ignore your child's sin, like we talked about in episode 31, or dread the moment she wakes, or flinch when he gets angry, remember that your

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God is bigger and more important than this rebellious child. So number one, we are never to fear terrorists because God is preeminent.

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He is to have first place in our hearts, and for that reason, we can move to number two. As Christian parents, we must never negotiate with terrorists.

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Acts 5 .29 says we must obey God rather than men. If my child is being a terrorist,

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I mustn't allow him to dictate the conversation, the activity, the bedtime, the electronics, the rules, the discipline, the friends, the schedule, the consequences, or especially my emotions.

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He has no right to dictate anything. Now, I'm not saying that within the normal context of a functioning,

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Christ -honoring home, that I don't allow my kids to have a significant say in the activities we do, and the foods we eat, and even the lessons we learn.

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What I am saying is that anyone who's using terror tactics to usurp authority does not have the right to dictate what is to be done or how it's to be done.

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Instead, I must stand calmly in God's truth and be consistent with His commands. And as I mentioned before,

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I especially mustn't resort to terror tactics myself. I cannot afford to lose control and try to scare him into obeying me with threats and manipulation.

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I must be humble, gracious, loving, patient, and kind. I need to be an ambassador parent.

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Those are the first two steps to dealing with terrorists of any age. Next time, we're going to learn another invaluable tool when it comes to parenting our children.

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And though we must use this tool in all of our parenting, it becomes extremely helpful to hold our ground when we're tempted to negotiate with the terrorist standing in my living room.

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But before we go our separate ways, there's another type of fearful parenting that we need to discuss. It's very similar to the one we just talked about, but instead of being afraid because of what my child is doing,

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I parent out of fear because of what my child is becoming. You see, in moments like that, my parenting isn't motivated by wisdom and sovereignty of God.

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It's motivated by my own lack of control in their lives. If I could just kind of control everything they thought and did,

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I wouldn't be afraid. But this type of fearful parenting is a sin too. It's prideful and it's controlling.

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An example of this is when I see my children making poor choices and I let my mind zoom into the future and I see that how these poor choices are laying down now might become huge issues in the future, and I start to become fearful of the direction that they're going.

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But again, that's fearful parenting, and God has not given us a spirit of fear.

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So listen, you and I, we do not have to be afraid in our parenting. God is in control.

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And if that doesn't flood your soul with hope and peace, I'm sorry, nothing ever will. You see,

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God never promised that parenting would be comfortable, but you can always do what you have to do.

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God's given us a way to escape every temptation. He says that in 1 Corinthians 10, 13. He's promised that any and all situations can and will work out for His greatest glory and our greatest good if we believe

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Him and strive to become more like Christ, like we saw in Romans 8, 28. Your child may try various terror tactics on you, even today.

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Don't negotiate. Don't give in. Don't be afraid. Lovingly stand firm in the truth of God's Word because God is worth it, and He's called you to sacrifice your parenting to Him because it's our reasonable act of worship.

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Trust your Heavenly Father to keep His promises, and don't hesitate to call in air support. Believe it or not, there are people who want to help.

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Like Tim Chalice mentioned in our last discussion, he said find people in your local body of Christ who can help you, who can answer questions, who can show you those parental blind spots in your life.

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And in issues like this, don't try to do it alone. Get your pastor. Send us an email. But we have something that also might be helpful for you, kind of as a reminder of the things that we discussed today.

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In addition to the episode notes that we publish at evermindministries .com, we've also created a simple image for you to post in your home.

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Perhaps you need to put it next to your bathroom mirror. Maybe you need to see it first thing in the morning.

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Regardless of where you put it, I want to tell you two things about it. Number one, it's designed to remind you of the things that we discussed today.

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And two, it's designed to remind you of these anti -terrorism tools in a covert way. Your self -worshiping child won't realize necessarily that it has to do with them.

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It just has two simple imperatives on it. It says, never fear and never falter.

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The never fear reminds us of the peace we have in Christ. I've included Proverbs 29 .25

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as well, which reads, whoever trusts in the Lord is safe. You don't have to fear for your child, your home, or yourself.

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We will be safe when we trust in God. The second part, never falter, subtly reminds us not to allow our child to become the authority.

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We've included Acts 5 .29 on there as well. We must obey God rather than men. This beautiful truth keeps us focused on God's commands and not on our children's demands.

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I hope you'll cruise on over to evermindministries .com. Download that image and use it as a reminder of God's expectations and promises.

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And of course, I'll link it for you in the description. And if you're struggling in your parenting and you need more than just an image to help you out, we would love to assist you in any way we can.

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Parenting a terrorist is scary, I know. Please don't hesitate to contact us at counselor at evermindministries .com.

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We really want to help. And as I mentioned before, next time we'll be discussing a tool that will help you take the next step in being an intentional premeditated parent.

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So join us next time as we talk about the communication house. Again, like I said, parenting can be scary, but God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.

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Truth, Love, Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.