1 Peter 3:1-7 Husbands and Wives

Welcome to the podcast of Recast Church in Madawan, Michigan. This is a message from Pastor Don Filsek from the series Ready for the Storm on 1st Peter. If you'd like more information on Recast Church, please visit us on the web at www .recastchurch .com.

Here's Pastor Don.

The Weight of 1 Peter 3:1-7 for Church and Culture

The subject of 1st Peter 3, 1 through 7 has a ton of implications for Recast Church and for our culture at large. But to be honest, as a dude, I get to get up here and talk about correct behavior for wives, and I've never been a wife, and I get an opportunity to stand up here and talk about correct behavior for husbands.

I have been one of those. So I want to point out, and I think it's probably hopefully clear to those of you who have been here for a while now, that the text is always my guide. That my goal is to walk through books of the Bible, and in walking through books of the Bible, to find what the original author meant, and to share that with you, regardless of how our culture feels about these things, regardless of how we feel about these things, we have a choice before us every time we come encounter, we come into contact and encounter God's Word.

Our faithful Creator has communicated to us through the power of the Holy Spirit, in a written word, that shows us how to order our lives. And just as Peter telling Christians to submit to the Emperor a few weeks ago felt kind of tough, right?

Like that whole idea of knowing that there was a brutal Emperor over the Roman Empire during the time, and Peter says submit to that authority, and submit to the authorities that are around you, and then just as Peter telling Christian slaves to submit to their masters is hard to swallow, even in that Roman context, Peter, this week, is going to tell wives to submit to their husbands.

I would suggest that that phrase, wives submit or be subject to your husbands, has the power to eclipse all else that Peter has to say to us in these seven verses. It has the power to grab a hold of our minds, and we would, we wouldn't be doing justice to that text if that's all that we focused on, but we are indeed going to talk about that, and that's why I lead out with that in my introduction here, is to clarify that that is a part of this text.

But remember that what Peter is driving for in this entire section of Scripture, in the entire section of his letter, is that Peter wants us to do good in the midst of our culture. He's talking about the interface of the church to the culture, the way that we look to the world out there, particularly preparing his people that he's writing to for the storm of persecution that is on its way for them, and he wants us to remember that the Christian's role in our culture is to do good to those outside of the faith.

He wants us to walk that careful line between not going over into sin, but still engaging our world for good. And so many churches have, have swung the pendulum one way or the other where there's a complete withdrawal from the world, a fearful attitude towards what is outside of the four walls of the church.

And on the other hand, we could swing the pendulum the other way and, and sin and call it good, right? And so the Christian life somewhere walks in the middle of this, and that's what he's been talking about all of this during this section of Scripture.

He wants us to walk that careful line, and in light of this, the way that a Christian considers and contemplates and works and lives and breathes in their home life matters in this culture. It matters in Peter's culture.

It matters in our culture. So let's open our Bibles to 1 Peter chapter 3 verses 1 through 7. We're gonna dive into this powerful, God-given radical passage that I think challenges our culture. If you don't have a Bible, please raise your hand.

I see Mark's got a stack of them back here, and we just want everybody to have a copy of the Bible on their lap as, as you're, as I'm reading along so that you can follow along and, and, and see for yourself what is in there.

And then if you don't own a Bible, you can just take that one with you when you go home. Follow along. Recast the words of God for us this morning. Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.

When they see your respectful and pure conduct, do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good, and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Prayer for Strengthening Families and Hearing God's Word

Let's pray as the band comes to lead us in worship. Father, we recognize your hand on our lives. We recognize your hand in your word. We recognize that you have the authority over your created order. And Father, I pray that as we have an opportunity this morning to come and sing praises to you, come and hear from your word, come and be challenged in our lives.

Father, I pray that you would be strengthening families here through this awesome message that you have for us this morning. I fear that many of us have misunderstood this text, and there's an opportunity for some significant correction.

And at the same time, it is a difficult challenge. It is a hard thing that you call us to do. But you are gracious. You are merciful. And I thank you for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ that makes it possible for us to walk with you, to be forgiven, and to be made whole.

And I ask for that for our families that are represented here, for everybody that is here within the hearing of your word this morning, that they would be encouraged and strengthened as a result of gathering together.

And that as we have an opportunity to praise you in song right now, Father, that we would lift up voices as a redeemed people who have been bought back from the curse of sin through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Wives, Submission, and the Call to Win Unbelieving Husbands

Peter begins our text this morning. So we're in 1st Peter 3, 1 through 7. And again, I want you to have your Bibles open to that text so that you're seeing that the things that I'm saying, maybe even more so this morning than ever.

I want you just kind of looking at the text and seeing that it's there, that the things that I'm talking about are coming from here. But the very first word we see in our text is likewise. That's a word that appeals to what has already been said, so that he's tying what he's going to say about wives being subject to your own husbands and everything that follows.

He's tying it to something he has already said prior. Likewise means in the same way, just like I got done saying, and just like the previous illustration, just like the previous examples. Well, what were his previous examples?

Well, we go back a couple weeks in the messages, go back to last week, and I think what he's saying is likewise, in the same way that everyone is to be subject to. You see the word subject as our verb here, be subject to, and you could go back in the text and find the previous two times he's already used that phrase, and it's with intention.

He says, in the same way that everyone is to be subject to civil authorities, and then later he says, in the same way that Christian slaves are to be subject to their masters. In the same way, likewise, wives are to be subject to their own husbands.

Now a couple of things, there's a few things that I want to kind of walk through in this very first verse, and we're going to cover this entire text, verses 1 through 7, and we're going to unpack it, but as we cautiously unpack, carefully, delicately unpack this first verse, there's some observations.

The first observation I want to point out, and it must be clear from this text, is that wives are to be subject to who, does the text say? Their own, their own husband. This passage does not place every woman under the authority of every man, as some have interpreted, as some have thought, as some have preached, as some have conceived this concept, that every woman is under every man that they meet, and we know that that is not to be the case by the fact that Peter clarifies and makes it abundantly clear that what he's talking about is within the context of family.

This is a family-oriented message that he is talking about here, and he says every wife is to be subject to her own husband. There are some who reject the concept of the headship of the husband in the home on the faulty premise that scripture teaches that every woman is to submit to every man, but the text clearly says a wife is to be subject to her own husband.

So that's the first observation. The second observation is to talk about what does it mean to be subject, which can be accurately translated as submit, and you'll see that in different translations and different verses, and there's really no way to duck and weave that the concept of subject or submit is to come under the authority of someone else.

There is indeed a hierarchy that is being spelled out here in first Peter, whether we're comfortable with that or not. And the fact of the matter is we live in a culture, how many of you have identified we live in a culture that doesn't like hierarchy, that does not like authority?

A lot of what's going on in the news, have you guys noticed some resistance to authority in the news recently? Have you guys identified that at all? And there's a lot of that going on in our culture, a lot of that going on in our country, and I would suggest to you a lot of that going on in churches and a lot of that going on in our hearts.

Have you identified that in yourself? I know I see it. I see it in me. I see a resistance. I see it when I drive five over the speed limit, right? Any of you like that? Some of you are going, only five?

And some of you are going, oh the pastor drives five over. Do you know if you give a rule and how many of you when you see the rule, there's a little bit of kickback, like you're standing on the edge of a stream and it says no throwing stones into the water.

What do you want to do when you see a stone? Like what's the gut level response? And so there's a tendency for us to push back against authority and this text, this section of first Peter is spelling out authority structures in our lives to submit to.

That there actually is some semblance of hierarchy to the created order in the way that God has designed things. So this word submit is important obviously for this text for us to understand. If a wife is being called to submit to her husband in the way that we are called to submit to civil authorities, if a wife is being called to submit to her husband in the way that a Christian slave is to submit to his master, then no amount of ducking and weaving is going to free me as your pastor from making it clear that this is a very culturally uncomfortable phrase that he is talking about here.

The amount of submission in this text is not qualified. How many of you want it to be qualified? It is not be subject as long as he's respectful. Be subject if he pulls his weight around the house. Be subject if he empties the dishwasher.

Also the phrase be subject cannot be explained away as some level of co-authority. As much as as much as people have tried to actually wrangle it you you you hear some people talk about this text and eventually the wife is the leader of the household.

Eventually, they're able to get to the point or or this is just about mutual submission or something to that effect. And there is a text in scripture that talks about mutual submission and this is I don't know if you've noticed that this isn't one of them.

There's going to be some things that the husband is required to do that are very significant that are going to affect a wife's ability to joyfully submit to her husband and there's some keys that are on both sides of this equation.

And I'm grateful that Peter gives both of these in the same text. He balances this out by the time we get down to verse 7, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. But a third observation that we have we may have missed in this text because it's right there in front of our faces and it really matters a lot.

Peter is telling wives to enact their will in this effort. Now if you were to study Roman culture, if you were to understand the culture of the day and the era where where first Peter was written, where Peter is sitting down with a pen in his hand and is writing these things, if you could be there you would be shocked and a little bit scandalized that he's speaking to the wives directly.

That's the type of culture that he lived in. That's the place where he lived and breathed and yet he does not address husbands. This is key folks. This is very important that you get this. Men, listen in on this.

He does not say husbands subjugate your wives. It would be great in one sense if the men could plug their ears for a minute and and just the women could listen in to what God is telling them to contribute to their marriage.

And then the wives could plug their ears and listen and it would be like the love dare all of a sudden, right? Like they wouldn't know you're doing it, but you're doing it. They wouldn't know that you're just trying to love them lavishly and extravagantly.

Are you getting what I'm saying in this? So what is happening here is he is speaking to the wives and he is not telling the husbands to get their wives in line or under control. He is speaking to wives saying you have a choice in front of you.

If you're here and you're married or you're here and you anticipate that someday you're going to be married, and you're a woman then you're looking and there's two options before you. Two choices. And he dignifies the wife with the role of deciding to honor God by honoring her husband.

He says you can you can go your way and you can kick and kick and kick or you can submit to your husband and see how that works. This is God's way. But you have a choice. Do you see the dignity in that?

I hope you see some some semblance of dignity. You can he's saying I I'm telling you what God's way is. I'm telling you what God wants. The fourth observation in verse one is that, and this is pretty obvious, he's speaking about marriage.

And hopefully that's obvious. But without thinking carefully about what marriage is, this can turn into a very like a cold and harsh command of God, right? Like we can hear it and just be like a wife submit to your husband.

We're talking about marriage here. How do you view marriage? To say wives submit to your husbands if the assumption is that a husband is a harsh and demanding man who rules over his household with an iron fist, that's certainly going to produce a desire to rebel.

Who wouldn't any one of us, right? But we're talking about marriage. We're talking about two people who at one time have stood before an altar and said I do and I love and they gazed into each other's eyes and said I love you and I will give you all and till death do us part in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, in good times and bad, I will be with you till the end.

Okay, if you're married, can you remember that day? If you're married, raise your hand if you remember that. Men, hurry up, raise your hand. You remember it even if you don't remember it. Remember the day.

You remember that day well, right? I mean some of us, how many of you honestly, if you're thinking back, it feels like it's a blur. You remember the day but it's a blur. It was just kind of like I felt like I was like outside of myself watching this whole thing unfold.

And it was an awesome thing. But you go back to that day and you say this is a this is talking about a marriage here. This is talking about two people who want it to work. At least they did at one point.

I know you know that things can get pretty ugly in a marriage, right? We know that from our culture and hopefully you don't know that firsthand, but I know some of us do and so things can get pretty ugly pretty fast.

And so but at least at one point you said I'll I want to do what it takes to please the other. I want to do what it takes to make this marriage work. I don't want to be one of the statistics. I want this to last a lifetime and you said as much when you got married.

And so this command is in the context of that kind of marriage where there is love and there is a desire for things to move forward. But my last observation in verse one is that he's speaking to all Christian wives.

Um, look at look some people would would quickly in your mind kind of think well, he's only talking to the wives of unbelievers. But look at verse one likewise wives. That's all be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word even if the even even in the case where there are unbelieving husbands or those who are disobedient even if some do not obey the word they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.

Linda told me she was going to be leaving. I didn't just offend her. Or maybe I did that some might be one some unbelieving husbands could be won by The faithfulness of their wives by their conduct by the way that they act by the way that they treat them.

Notice that he says even maybe absent from words. Not by the nagging of their wives to come to church not by the the nagging of their wives to behave properly but by the wives. What does the text say?

By their actions by their conduct by the way that they live their lives. I know many wives who have unbelieving husbands. It has been glorious. It's been an awesome thing. It's been one of my favorite things here at recast church to see the number of women who started attending this church alone.

And now attend with their husbands. And not only attend with their husbands, but their husbands have given their lives to jesus christ as a result of their wives faithfulness. It's a beautiful thing. It's a glorious thing.

There are some though that are and maybe you're here this morning but there are some that i'm still diligently praying for their husbands that they're still coming here faithfully as Wives who do not have believing husbands and they're doing the best that they can to win their hearts.

I know what a difficult thing peter is asking for here and i've had conversations and i've walked through this with some of you. But peter is speaking to those wives who have come to faith in christ and their husbands have not.

That's part of this. There's a component of that in here. And that peter speaks to them in this culture is amazing. It was a given during this historical era as I studied the history. That a wife followed the religion of her husband without question.

That was the way in the roman empire. So that when peter dignifies wives with this clear expectation that they remain firm in their faith while submitting to their husbands. That means that there is some things that submission doesn't cover.

And this is very important because there is a sense of qualification in the history and the way that peter rolls. Um, in other words, what is one of the most likely requests that an unbelieving husband is going to put on his wife?

Stop going to church. Stop believing that fairy tale. Stop praying. Stop reading the bible stop poisoning the kids minds with this christian talk. Can you imagine some of the types of things that an unbelieving husband might say.

And is she's then supposed to by peter's injunction here. Is she supposed to submit to that? I do not believe that peter. He says like i've told you to submit to authorities like I have told the christian Slave to submit to his master.

That's the way and then we actually can look into peter's history and see Peter who said submit to the emperor submit to the authorities that are over you. Actually practice civil disobedience. Did you know that?

You study the life of peter you get into the book of acts. They told him civil authorities told peter Do not go out and proclaim the gospel stop doing this. They arrested him. They brought it before the tribunal.

They said stop it cut it out. He's arrested. He's put in the stocks an angel comes and lets him out. And where is he the next morning? In the temple doing what? Preaching the gospel. Peter here is not putting authority of the government over christ over christ.

He recognizes that christ has the supremacy is to have the supremacy in a person's life. He is not putting the master over christ in the life of a slave. He is not putting the husband over christ in the life of a wife.

But he is saying there is a gentleness in as much as you can Do for your husband in gentleness and in kindness trying to seek to win his heart do so. There's a spirit of kindness. There's a spirit of service and humility and grace and deference.

That peter is saying is required of a christian wife. Peter believes that the end result of a wife who responds this way with meek and humble service towards an unbelieving husband. Very well might just result in that disobedient Unbelieving husband being won by her respect and pure conduct and I Have had a front row seat to see that happen here.

It's an awesome glorious thing to behold, but just a side note here. That I know that some of you wives are here alone this morning. And I know that some of you long to be here with your husbands. And you've been faithfully and graciously serving your husband for years.

The only thing I know to say to you is that god is sovereign over salvation. First peter 3 1 through 7 isn't a magical passage that requires god to save your husband if you're respectful and pure. Now you might be doing a stellar and awesome and glorious job.

And it doesn't seem like it's getting anywhere with your husband and so then do we. Do we do this for the result? Is that what it really boils down to submit to your husband so that he'll be kinder to you so that he'll be more Loving towards you or do you do it unto christ like he has said likewise as he said to these others.

Submit to the authorities as unto christ still speaking to wives. But getting a little sidetracked. Peter now addresses a word picture to show the type of conduct. He's talking about when he's talking about wives submitting to their husbands.

He tells these wives that a focus on the external adornment is not the way of a christian. But rather a focus on the internal dressing of the heart. With an imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

There's an there's a there's a an attitude a focus on a way that we could put attention to the outside. That has no focus and no attention to the inside of a gentle and quiet spirit. But at first blush even as I say that you might say don are you are you being honest with a text?

You might disagree with me because doesn't it say she's not supposed to braid her hair. Doesn't it say she's not supposed to put on gold jewelry? Doesn't it say that she's not? What's the last one? I Think we ought.

I think we'd all agree that she ought to wear clothes. Right, we would all agree with that. And so all of a sudden I think that with even the last word there. It kind of snaps a little bit into focus that obviously he's using a metaphor a figure of speech here about Illustrating something he's not just strictly lining out things.

Well, thou shalt not braid your hair thou shalt not wear gold jewelry. Silver is okay. Platinum's. Okay, just not gold jewelry. Just follow the letter of the text, right? It's more than that he's not legislating specific External types of clothing like he's like, well, you can wear this brand, but you can't wear this brand.

But you can do this with your hair, but don't braid it. Right. Is that that's not the point that he's trying to make here. What he is doing is using the adornment of clothes jewels and braids. The externals that can be very a very common focus that women can get very wrapped up into.

And he contrasts the external with the internal in other words what I really believe he's saying is Don't be women. Who want to be known? For the external. There's a way that you can roll in life. There's a way that you can live that that that focus is strictly to be known for your body strictly.

To be known for what you wear. And I would suggest to you guys even there's a way that you can push this over on your Wives in a way that is unhealthy and that is really so you focus that you want the trophy wife.

You want her to wear all the designer stuff? You want her to look great around your co-workers just and it's really about you right guys, you know this. You know that that happens in your heart where you want to show off your wife to your work buddies at the christmas party and be Cautious and careful about the things that you're pushing over on your wife.

Enable her and allow her to be able to follow this to where the external isn't what it all is about. Think through that. Beauty beauty is a nasty problem in our culture. Anybody notice that. Have you noticed it?

No one two people four go ahead and raise your hand if you've noticed that this is an issue in our culture. Okay a couple more. Um beauty fashion jewelry makeup is all really big business in america now i'm not all of a sudden.

You know, like maybe you've got some mary k consultants in here and you know, someone's selling silpata or something and it's like, okay. What's you know, what's what you got with my business? Um, well, i'm not trying to shoot down your business.

I'm, just saying, you know, I think that this is an issue of focus. It's about the individual's heart. I can't tell I can't tell by whether someone's selling jewelry or selling makeup that where their heart is.

But I do know that there's an issue. And the natural question that every christian woman needs to process in particular those of you that god has brought here this morning. Is what is the biblical principle of verses three through four?

What's the principle underlying. Not thou shalt not braid thy hair. Not thou shalt not wear gold jewelry. But if I can summarize I believe peter is saying focus on your heart. Focus on your heart. And look at the end of verse four.

A gentle and quiet spirit is precious in god's sight. Gold jewelry. Is that precious? Precious as in costly precious is invaluable. This is not by the way. The word precious here is not the condescending.

Oh, you're so precious. No, it's value. It's worth. Like precious stones or precious metals. It is precious in god's sight. When we exhibit a gentle when a woman exists exhibits a gentle and quiet spirit to god a gentle and quiet spirit is of value and use to him.

And men. More and more we need to take on this principle as well. Getting caught up on the external is not just a woman's sport. Many men get up early to work out. They can exercise lots of discipline when it comes to p90x and getting their body all ripped and.

Some men use more product on their hair than my mom did. I grew up in the aquanet days. And if you remember aquanet, I think I have lung issues residual lung issues today. Because my mom used so much i'm thinking like a can and a half a day.

And I mean that was when your hair was like a helmet, right? Um you get and then some. Anybody ever do the high bangs in the 80s any of you ladies here? Uh, some of you know what i'm talking about and that took a lot of hairspray.

Um. But there are dudes now who are using product like that right not gonna call anybody out you know who you are but. Many men are very mindful of their bodies. Have you noticed that and yet the same bears true for us.

God wants us to discipline our hearts. He wants us to focus on the beauty of the heart. Not to I want to. I want you to hear me carefully not to the neglect of the not to the neglect of the external. Not.

I mean you've got to take care of this body to some degree. You're gonna have to put some clothes on so look decent, right? I mean. But but it's a question of focus. Are you getting what i'm saying? And and you only you only you can really suss this out with god about what is motivating you in the morning.

And I mean some some of you are like your checklist people and I I don't like to throw you bones too often. But i'm gonna throw you one here and just kind of a question that you can ask yourself to think through.

And a reasonable question for you to ask yourself where you sit right now. Is how much time did you take to get ready this morning? And then contrast that answer with how much time did you spend in god's word in prayer this morning?

Contrast those two and I think you're starting down the road of understanding what peter is driving for here. He's not saying you shouldn't get you wasted your time getting dressed this morning. No, thank you for getting dressed this morning.

I appreciate that. Um might be a distraction to the rest of us. But you get what i'm saying? I mean the external, you know, what are you what are you spending your The lion's share of your time on is everybody getting that?

Let's adorn. That is dress up our lives with a focus towards spiritual disciplines of bible reading prayer evangelism love kindness mercy and truth. But to remind us that peter is still speaking to wives.

He uses the old testament as a model for wives. He appeals to a culture that is even more ancient than his own. I don't know if you realize I mean some people want to just talk about culture when they get into these tough passages of scripture.

All they want to hone in on is well. That was their culture and we're in a different culture now and we get to change what the text is telling. Peter here actually appeals to a culture as far removed from his culture as ours is from his.

Are you getting what i'm saying? You go back 2 000 years you get around the life of paul you go back another 2 000 years. You're getting around the life of abraham and sarah you getting what i'm saying in that.

So you kind of go they're just about as distant back as as anything and he goes and he appeals to sarah a very distant ancient culture from his time. And he talks about sarah who called her husband lord or master.

I do not encourage this. Don't try it ladies. It's not going to last very long um. That's not what the text is telling you it's not saying so therefore to be a good wife. You need to call your husband lord what?

No, those wives who follow sarah's example those who are like daughters and sisters to sarah. Those who are following her good example are those who do good to their husbands. What do you have to do to qualify to be like sarah in the old testament?

Do good to your husband. Not you don't have to call him lord. You don't have to call him master, but you need to do good to qualify. Using sarah as an example. I think really helps. I love it. I love it that peter zeroed in on sarah because we we just went through the book of genesis and sarah was not a subjugated woman.

Read her story if you want to see uh wives if you want to see an example of what? Sarah, I mean peter's appealing to her. So go back and look at her and look at the things that she did and the things that happened in her life.

She had no problem letting her desires be known to her husband. She didn't struggle to let him know what she wanted. At the same time she can be held up as a woman who followed her husband and went with his decisions and was submissive to him.

She did indeed respect her husband despite the fact that abraham did not always act respectably. Have you noticed that in the life of abraham as we went through that in the book of genesis? Hopefully you picked up on that.

We spent a few weeks talking about his life. She honored him at times when he made outright bad decisions. Remember that whole brother sister thing. Hey act. Why don't you just act like my sister while we're in this foreign land?

Twice how many of you ladies might think that she was kind of like hey bonehead. This didn't work the first time. Like, you know, you've thought it. You've thought it with your own husband, but how does she respond?

She goes along with it again a second time. It didn't work so good the first time but you know what if this is what you want abraham, that's where we're going. That's what we're going to do. How many of you think that was hard for sarah you think that was tough for her.

This is not an easy calling that is being placed. This is not an easy role. We're going to get to what the husband's role here is in a second and before I launch into that. Let me point out. As we conclude kind of the first section on for the for the wives.

That he tells wives to do something that is different than what he tells husbands to do. That in itself bears some significance. I believe that this is just one fraction of a common theme in scripture that shows that wives and husbands have different roles to play.

We are created differently. We have complementary roles that when brought together and functioning. Well in a committed marriage with christ at the center makes a beautiful picture of christ and his church.