Highlight: Veterans & Identity

Apologia Studios

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one thing, this is where I want to talk about identity here, but one thing watching a lot of these interviews, um, with the seals and ex seals,

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I should say. And, uh, you know, green braids, all these special forces guys like, and this is going to get right into what you guys do, but, um, so I know

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I'm preaching to the choir. Um, but one thing I took away from it is these guys, you know, are, are trained killers and they're the best at what they do.

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Um, their identity is that, that is, you know, for however many years they're in, like, and they put,

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I mean, they, they, they are completely sold out to this. This is what they do. So that is, that's where they find their identity is in that.

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And so when I'll allow these guys, uh, retire and get out, they are, they're their identity that they've spent so many years, um, you know, working towards now is kind of obsolete and no one needs trained killers, like, you know, working at home

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Depot or wherever, you know. Right. Well, the culture is different, especially when you're deployed or even, even stationed or training or whatever, you're in a very particular kind of culture.

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And then you kind of come back to, I guess the real world. Yeah. Quotes there.

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But yeah. Yeah, exactly. So a lot of these guys I'm watching, I mean, these are like, like,

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I'm just in awe, like over like their accomplishments in the military. And then they like, you know, a lot of men up divorced.

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A lot of them are suicidal. A lot of them have had suicide attempts, um, because they, their, their identity is not in Christ, which, you know, we're going to get into, but, um, and so I just kept noticing a theme with a lot of these guys.

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And I was like, man, I'm, I'm like, you know, kind of like like a giddy little school boy excited to like hear their stories and stuff.

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And then you get to that point and it's like, man, they just need Jesus. They just need Jesus, which is totally what you guys are doing.

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And that's why I'm so excited. Um, so I'm going to let you jump in there and just kind of run with it. And then

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I'll, I'll jump in later. Yeah. So the, the identity piece is huge.

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A lot of, um, and we can talk about post -traumatic stress. We can talk about post -traumatic stress disorder.

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Is it a disorder? We could, we could have all of those discussions, but I'll tell you a lot of the folks who attend our programs, whether it's the service member or the spouse, you know, and the spouses so often find their identity and being the spouse of a service member.

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Um, if that service member has been injured somehow, um, we see spouses who find their identity in being the caregiver.

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That's, that's their whole identity. You know, they're not, um, the mom and the wife now they're a caregiver.

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And if you take that away from them, there are real problems to their identity because that's what they're wrapped up in.

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And having a proper view of who you are, changes your ability to deal with whatever the world might throw at you, whatever trauma, whatever difficulty, whatever trial, whatever experience you've had.

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And that's a huge issue. Most of the people, when you boil it down, who attend our program, uh, and, and I don't,

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I don't want to get into a fight with anybody over, you know, post -traumatic stress or not, or whatever, we could have that conversation too.

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But, um, most of the people who attend our program, although they've endured trauma, they've experienced some, some difficult things in their lives or because of their service, what they're actually struggling with is the fact that they're no longer wearing the uniform, carrying the rank, doing the job.

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They find themselves in an unknown world, whether they serve for four years or 20 years, 30 years, doesn't matter.

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They find themselves in a place that they just can't relate to. And people don't just respect them because they walked into a room, um, who am

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I, what do I do? What does this mean? And so, um, it would be best if you could go into the military and, you know,

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Christian young people do go into the military, understanding that your identity is not in a job. It's not in a rank.

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It's not in a uniform. It's not in a place that you've been. It's not in that stuff. Your identity is found in Christ.

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You were created by God for a purpose. Sin separated us from God. We're reconciled back to God through the shed blood of Jesus Christ, his death and his resurrection.

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We are made a new creation in Christ. It's all about Jesus. And when we understand that our identity is in Jesus, that we were created, then

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Revelation 4 .11 to give glory to God, that's the whole purpose. Then you may love your job or hate your job, but that doesn't change your own perception of who you are, how valuable you are, how much you have to contribute, et cetera.

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And so for us, we talk about all of this, you know, first in very broad terms and then in very specific terms, if there is a

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God, right, this is a big question, right? If there is a God and we believe there is, so this is day one of our program, it's day like, like hour one of our program.

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If there's a God and we believe there is, then there is design. If there's design, then we should understand what that design is and how it applies to us as individuals.

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And if we'll learn to align our lives, the things that we do, the thoughts that we think, you know, the actions of our lives, if we'll align to that created purpose, then we can move forward with meaning, with purpose, with value, having our identity in him instead of in the other stuff that's happened in our lives.

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That's very simple. We spent a week breaking that down. But that's for anyone, you know, you know, as a pastor,

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I would talk to parents whose kids moved out of the house. They say that the, the time where divorce happens most often is either within the first two years of marriage or the first two years after the last child leaves the house.

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Well, why is that? Because the identity has shifted. The identity has changed. As parents, my identity is wrapped up in my kids.

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They're gone. Who am I now? If your identity is in Christ, then you continue to move forward in spite of that jobs, layoffs, pandemics, whatever.

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If your identity is in Christ, these things may be inconvenient. They may be hard to deal with. They may have, you know, very real ramifications in our lives.

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I wouldn't downplay any of those things, particularly, you know, deep traumas and childhood traumas and those kinds of things, but that's not who you are.

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You're not that anymore. You are a new creation in Christ and God has a great plan for you as a new creation in Christ.

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Amen, man. I love that so much. I mean, that's the basis of a lot of our addiction stuff that we've done ministry addicts and stuff.

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And it's the same basic principles. I will tell you though, and this is back to the identity thing.

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When I left the Marine Corps, um, I was in Iraq leading Marines in combat. We, we were the

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Marine infantry battalion that breached the berm into Iraq. The first KIA of the war was one of our lieutenants, uh, the battle of Baghdad, Baghdad on April 10th.

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That was our battalion. We were ambushed going into Baghdad in the middle of the night. Um, we had over a hundred casualties.

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Uh, I mean, this was what I was doing. And then a month later, I was out of the Marine Corps working on a church staff.

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And, um, and I could tell you that whole story of how that all happened, how that all went down.

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But, um, I had already made a decision to get out. Nothing was going to happen. The war was going to end quickly.

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And then we ended up in Iraq. If you recall in 2003 or 2002, we were in Afghanistan. Yeah. Iraq was kind of like a sideshow.

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And then our battalion at the last minute was sent to Kuwait and then, you know, everything else unfolded and happened there.

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So that wasn't supposed to happen. So I had already decided to get out. My pastor had said, Hey, I know you don't have any Bible training per se.

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You don't have a seminary degree. Um, but our church is growing. I could use someone with some leadership ability if you'd be interested in coming on, on board.

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So I said, sure. And then went to Iraq, came back. I had already put the paperwork in.

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I was, God worked in my heart. I believe I was doing the right thing. I transitioned out of the Marine Corps, doing a job.

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I loved the only job I had wanted to do since I was 14 years old. Um, I was an infantry officer because I wanted to be an infantry

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Marine. Cause that's why you go into the Marine Corps. And if you're in the infantry, you want to go to combat as weird as that might sound.

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That's what you train for. That's what you prepare for. And that's what we did. And then

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I found myself trying to beg volunteers to clean the church on Saturday night and trying to get people to just do stuff.

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Right. And, um, I would get super angry during church staff meetings. Like I thought everybody was an idiot.

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I just did not transition well. I had a really hard time, even though I came from a church background and a

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Christian background. Um, one thing about serving in the military, if you're doing it right, you're all in.

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And particularly in, you know, I would say the infantry world and the Marine Corps, for sure. Special operations community, for sure.

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You're all in. Everything about your life is about that job. Right. And so a month removed from combat operations in Iraq, I was completely lost.

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I mean, I was, I was a wreck. I was a mess at home. I was angry all the time. I had two young kids, um, a wife that loved me, thankfully that she probably should have left, but she didn't.

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And I'm very thankful for that. Um, while I'm working on a chat church staff, I'm at home, you know, throwing, throwing things and screaming at my kids and my wife.

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And it was a very, very difficult time. And people say, well, was it post -traumatic stress?

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Was it for me? I mean, there was probably some of that coming off of that experience, but for me more than anything, it was a complete loss of identity.

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Like people just did not respect me. Didn't understand who I was or where I had been or what I had done and how important it was.

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Um, and after about 11 months of that, my pastor who had been my pastor before that experience, um, called me into his office and said, man,

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I love you, but this is not working. This was 2003. Not a lot of conversations around combat trauma.

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He said, this is not working. I don't understand why I want to help you, but you need to go unless you figure this out.

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Wow. So this was a Friday. He said, we've got church on Sunday. You've got responsibilities. You need to be there Monday.

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I want you and your wife to take off for a week. Um, at the end of that week, you can come back and tell me what you're going to do.

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And that was the first time I had really stopped long enough to even think, uh, my wife and I drove up the

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California coast to San Francisco and talk for hours and hours and hours. We spent that week together. And I realized that identity was my problem.

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I was not that guy anymore and God was doing a work in my heart and I needed to allow him to do that.

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And that's when I really as an adult began to align my life to the life God created me to live, you know, and we use phrases like that, but, but I don't mean that in a fluffy way, like seriously, like God created me with purpose and there was something he wanted me to accomplish and do.

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And I needed to lean into that and stop looking over my shoulder and saying, well, maybe I should go back.

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And it was again, through that process that I began to find my identity. I struggled for a while after that, but that's why

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I can relate so much so well to this identity conversation. Now remove Jesus from that, remove a loving church family and a loving pastor and a loving wife and, you know, loving extended family.

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I had all of those things remove all of that. I didn't abuse any substances. I wasn't that guy.

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I didn't drink. I mean, I didn't do those things and I still struggled. Um, and we wonder why, you know, our men and women who are transitioning out of the military have such a hard time.

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They just don't know where to land. Right. There's no one telling them what to do. Right. Yeah, man. I appreciate that so much.