Exemplary Husband (Session 2)

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Our Father in heaven, Lord, we come before you this morning reminded by Scripture, by your
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Holy Spirit, of our frailty, of our need for you, our seeming inadequacy for the task in front of us as we think about marriage, leaving our home, leaving our wives.
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Father, I would pray that you would encourage us this morning.
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Point us in the right direction. Show us how we can, by your enablement, by your
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Word and by your Spirit, be better husbands, be better fathers, and even for those who aren't married, prepare to be the kind of man who can lead his wife well, who would indeed be exemplary.
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And Father, who would seek to please you in all things, Lord, I pray for each man here this morning, that you would strengthen them,
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Lord, that we would encourage one another as Scripture says, that we would sharpen one another.
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Father, we pray for these things in Jesus' name, amen. Well, good morning. We do have a few things over here, some apple juice and some muffins and some other odds and ends, so help yourselves.
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We have some plates and napkins and cups and, well,
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I guess the principal's office just let out. So, I don't know what to say, oh yeah,
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I don't want to be too funny. All right, sorry, sorry, well, when we met a month ago, let me just ask this question first, let me just ask the question, oh, and nicely we have a pencil for me to drop.
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The, what does it tell you that we have so many movies, songs, books written, performed or whatever about love, about marriage, what does that tell you?
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Just secular -wise, it's important. What else should it tell you?
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It's misunderstood. People desire it. People desire it, Anthony, two or three times, sure, or six or seven or eight,
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I mean, I knew a woman who was, I used to work with her, she was like in her mid -thirties at the time and she'd been married four times and lived with four other guys and I just thought, date much?
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Here's what it should tell you, too, how about this? That it's difficult, right?
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If it was easy, I mean, you know, you don't see many movies, not too many, about walking.
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Why? Because it's something we take for granted, we can all do. Marriage is difficult, relationships are hard, they take work, they take effort.
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I mentioned last time, you know, the line, and I really like it, I've been thinking about it a lot, it's not in scripture, but I still like it, it says falling feels like flying until you hit the ground, right?
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You think your relationship's fine and then one day, boom, it's not. I've been surprised at the number of men that I've talked to over the last many years who had no idea that their relationship was falling apart until their wife either left them or moved out.
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It's because we have this, often get this attitude that our relationship is on cruise control, we have no idea that there's anything wrong until it cracks up.
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And last time we were talking about, well, we started talking about the first three chapters of the book, and he gives some examples here,
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I'm not going to go through those, but a couple highlights to just kind of get our minds right. Men and women, as I said last time, are different.
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This is good. This is very good. I mean, I cannot even imagine,
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I can't fathom the idea of, for example, homosexuality, you know, homosexual couples, because I'm like, who would want two of me in the same,
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I just can't even get that. The idea, and we're going to talk more about this this morning, the idea is that we bring different strengths and weaknesses to a relationship, right?
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Because men and women are different. We also talked about major pitfalls in relationships, not pursuing
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Christ first and foremost. I think this is the number one issue in marriage.
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People say, well, it's communication, it's this, it's that, you know, what are some of the issues that people struggle with?
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Well, it's money, it's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But ultimately, if you think about it this way, if you put the gospel, if you put the
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Lord Jesus Christ first in your relationship, other things kind of fade in into the background a little bit.
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I was thinking about this this morning. What should you be looking for in a wife?
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And the first things that came to my mind, and I'm sure the first things that would come to your mind, does she love the
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Lord Jesus Christ? Number one. And the second one that came to my mind was, this might be a little bit different.
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What do you think the second thing that came to my mind was? You shouldn't be looking for a wife because you're already married,
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Steve. I wasn't thinking that. Thank you, Jonathan. Well, no, I mean, even for the first person, what should we seek in life?
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Well, I don't know. Scripture says, if you find a good wife, it's so, you know,
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I don't know. I suppose you could find one by accident, you know, with the idea of not looking for one.
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I don't think it's a bad thing, though, because it's better to marry than to burn with passion. So, but I would suggest that the second thing that's very helpful when considering a wife is, is she a good forgiver?
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Why would that be? Because you're going to need it, pal. You're going to need it.
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You are going to need it big time. Okay, so not pursuing
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Christ first and foremost. Second, pride. Pride is a major problem in a number of ways.
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We are to put in on humility instead. Sinful communication. And I think this is one of the, you know, it says major pitfalls.
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This might be the number one, I think you could say, corrosive agent in relationships.
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Because, I mean, Scripture talks about it. Ephesians 429 says, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.
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And I think I even said this, that our homes, if we put signs all over the place with Ephesians 429 and then we notice them, like for me it would have to be in different colors all over the place so that I would actually, you know, it wouldn't fade into the woodwork or whatever.
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But if we paid attention to that, our marriages would be much better. Because here's what happens.
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We don't even listen to ourselves sometimes to think, how's this going to sound or how is this sounding now?
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And the way they are, our words are received are often not the way we think they ought to be received.
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So sinful communication is a major problem. We should be thinking about language that builds up, not that tears down.
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A lack of appreciation and thankfulness, failing to thank our wives, you know,
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I mean, even small things. My wife makes me breakfast most every morning and I like to thank her for it.
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Well, why is that? You know, she'll joke sometimes, well, it's the same old thing every morning. Well, because that's what I want every morning.
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Because there is a perfect breakfast. But yeah, no, it's just, well, let's put it this way.
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When my wife is gone, do I notice the fact that she's gone? You know, one of the ways that I notice is it amazes me how many dishes
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I use. Because I think, oh, I'll just, you know, put off the breakfast ones to lunch.
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And you know, how many can there be? I'm just one guy. And then by the end of the day, I'm like, dude, who made all these dishes?
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And it gets, it gets bad. Um, another area that we mentioned was self -focused expectations being me focused instead of focused on the relationship or even more importantly on our wives.
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Okay. So that brings us to today. And we're going to be, uh, we're going to start talking about God's purpose.
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God's purposes for marriage. Dr. Scott says, by the way, I got to meet
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Dr. Scott at the, uh, I mean, I know him. I know Dr. Stuart Scott. Uh, I, I saw him at the conference and it was, it was just fun to see him and to talk to him for a few minutes.
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Um, marriage is good and has perfect purposes. He says God's overall purpose for marriage.
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What is it? Overall purpose for marriage to glorify
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God. Thank you. And that is his purpose in all things. So God's overall purpose for marriage is to bring himself glory.
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This is clearly accomplished through some specific areas. Number one, companionship.
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But let's look at Genesis 2, 18, Genesis 2, 18. We're talking about companionship.
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And would somebody read Genesis 2, 18, please go ahead.
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Okay. It's not good for us to be alone. Adam's in the garden. He's alone.
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God says it's not good for him to be alone. I will make a helper fit for him.
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The word fit means comparable or corresponding to notice what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean the same as fit means comparable or corresponding to not the same as none of the animals were fit for Adam, meaning they weren't good companions for him.
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So then God created Eve from Adam to be a companion to him.
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Dr. Scott doesn't write. He created Eve to be a servant for him or anything of that sort, a companion.
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Now, how a husband should treat his companion. Companion. Number one, he should be with her and involved with her.
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Spend time with her. Be involved with her. In fact,
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I put here, plan to spend time with her alone. Now, this is frightening for some of us.
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We don't know what to talk about. Why would it be frightening for any of us, by the way?
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Plan to spend time with her alone. Sharing feelings and opening up about yourself.
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Yeah, I don't want to do that. Let's go back to March Madness. By the way,
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March Madness is thinking that marriage is easy. Okay, so plan to spend time with her alone.
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What does that mean? When's the last time you went on a date with your wife?
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What are some of the reasons we have for not dating our wives? What's that? Too busy.
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Children. Children's a big one. Not planning, which we would call, yeah, sloth.
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It's expensive. True, people say that. Okay, I just, sorry,
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I'm going to like reject all these answers. Children now is not a bad answer, right?
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Because then you have to get a babysitter and whatnot. But the truth is, you can find a babysitter if you really work at it.
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I think this is the number one reason here. And I remember, it's just hard, you know, sometimes to think of examples that don't involve me.
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Sorry. When I was in seminary, taking probably somewhere between 11 and 13 units, and working 48 to 56 hours a week because somebody had to pay for seminary, and that person was me.
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So what I would do is work overtime so that I could, so that we could have the money to pay for seminary because there were no scholarships for me.
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So with that, I remember one of the elders at Grace Community Church, I was meeting with him and he said,
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Steve, you know, are you dating your wife? And I said, well,
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I'm really busy. But because my wife knows that, you know, we're going out once a week.
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We just pick a time and it was usually, you know, a real romantic time, like Wednesday afternoon or something like that, because that was my window of opportunity.
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And we would go someplace wonderful like Burger King. So that gets to the expense part.
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You know, I mean, she knew where we were, you know, time -wise and money -wise and everything else. And we were just going to cut corners and just go out and spend some time alone.
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But the point is, we can do something. You know, we weren't going to be able to go out on a Friday night because I was going to be working.
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We weren't going to be able to go to the movies because I didn't have time for that. In fact, it's funny to me, the kids will say now, don't you remember when we watched such and such a movie?
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And I'm like, no, I think I was asleep. Because, I mean, literally in bed asleep, because they were doing things, you know, while I was doing whatever
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I had to do. We can make time. It does take planning and it takes energy, but we can do it.
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In fact, what I would really like to encourage you guys to do, and you can view this as homework if you like, what
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I would like you to do is, in the next month, take your wives out.
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And here's even better, you plan it. Everything, plan it.
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And then have her evaluate it.
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And I remember in seminary, one of the classes we had was called Pastor's Home. And Dr.
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Mayhew, who was teaching the class, said, man, this is what I want you to do. Take your wives out. And our wives were sitting in the class, right?
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This is the only class they got to go to in seminary. He said, take your wives out. You plan it.
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He says, but here's the trick. Your wives are going to grade you because here's the goal. The goal is for your wives, for it to be the perfect date for your wife, right?
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Not for you, for your wife. What does something like that do? If you're going to plan the perfect date for your wife, what does that do for you?
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You have to know what she considers a perfect date. You know what we did that night?
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No, it was a step up from that. Not a big step up. Watch this.
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Watch this, fellas. This is the romantic devil that I am. Yes, foster freeze for corn dogs and malts.
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Listen, if this is what she wants, this is what she gets. She wants a chocolate chip malt.
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I know this, okay? This is number one. There is no second best.
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This is it. And then we went to the quilt store.
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The quilt store. Why would I go to the quilt store? Because she loves quilts.
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And guess what I never do? Go to the quilt store. I never step foot in that place.
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So we go out and, you know, she's like A plus, man. And she could honestly say that.
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Why? Because I knew what she wanted and we did what she wanted. Plan to spend some time with her alone.
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Secondly, develop common interests with her. This is one, again,
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I mean, I don't know what to say, except I remember a time where I said,
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I don't have anything in common with my wife. Well, is that true? It's not true.
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But, you know, she doesn't like sports. I mean, she could care less about sports.
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I'm really not that into quilting. And I don't want to sit around, you know, doing a quilting bee with her, whatever that is.
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So what do you do? It's the noogie patrol coming for Dan Norman.
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Okay. What do you do? It says right there, develop common interests.
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Find things that you can both do together. Maybe it's something that neither one of you have ever done, but find things to do together.
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Next, let her know how she can help you with work alongside you. Let her know how she can help you.
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Now, that's kind of a tricky thing to do there. Why would
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I say that's kind of a tricky thing? Okay, we're men, we don't need help.
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It'll sound like you're bossing her around. You have to be a little bit careful about that, right?
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There are good ways to do this, and there are bad ways to do it. You know, a bad way to do it is something like, you know, leaving a note.
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Do this, you know. Mow the lawn.
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Probably not the best way to go. And I think it's just important that we, she's not the boss, right?
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But I think it's important that we show respect, even in the way we ask for things. You know, honey, can you help me with whatever it is?
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Or the next time you go to the store, could you do this too, or something? But why would this be what, first of all, how you communicate is important, but why is this important anyway?
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Why is this important to let her know how she can help you work alongside you? Why? That's her role, right?
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We just read it in Genesis. This is why she's here. And inherently, you know, within her, she knows that.
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This is what she signed up for. Now, here's one.
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Call her from work. That can be tricky. And I have to be honest, I rarely did that.
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You know, I think it kind of depends on your job somewhat. What's that?
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Yeah. Well, I mean, in the old days, I could do it. I, you know, I just didn't call her from when
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I was working for the Sheriff's Department very often. I did sometimes, but not very often. So I think that can be a good thing.
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I think in certain particular instances, when would be a good time to call her from work? An important time, maybe.
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Call her. What's that? Okay, that'd be an opportune time.
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But when do you think it would be, like, really important? Okay, when you're going to be late.
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When there's something unexpected that comes up. What about if there's some sort of rift between you?
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If there's some kind of issue at home? If there's some kind of disagreement, or maybe she's just not real happy with you.
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Sometimes a call, an unexpected call, can be a good thing. Maybe she's struggling in some way, and you just want to call and encourage her.
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Good. So, I mean, sometimes I think that can be very helpful. And I think the most important thing, and what
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I want to stress here this morning, is it says, you know, how a husband should treat his companion.
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And I think the important thing is to make sure that she knows that she is not just a priority.
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You know, there's work, there's the kids, there's the car, there's my hobbies, there's all these things, and there's my wife.
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But that she is my main priority, in terms of earthly priorities.
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Okay. The fifth one listed here is, tell her about what you do.
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Tell her about what you do. What does that mean? Share your day with her.
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How many of you guys have young kids, or have had young kids?
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Brad can raise his hand. I used to come home from work, and there are a few things that would happen when
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I came home from work, when we had little munchkins running around. One was, she actually wanted to hear about my day.
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This was peculiar to me. I didn't really understand. But there's a reason why she wanted to know about my day.
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And that's because she'd been talking to little, you know, crumb droppers all day long.
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And so listening to an adult was kind of refreshing. Even if I thought, this is really dull, and I don't understand it.
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For her, it was important. Not only because she needed a connection to the real world. But, yeah.
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But she also cares about me, right? So this is a good thing to do. So that was number one, by being with her and involved with her.
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Number two, by seeking to understand her and help her. And the flip side of telling her about your day is, ask what she did today, and then listen.
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Here's another thing that would happen when I came home a lot. There were times where I didn't even understand who it was I was talking to.
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Because I would say something, and, you know, they weren't always the nicest things coming back to me. Now, this is before she got saved, now she's perfect.
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But I would listen, and I'd go, did I do something? And the answer was, generally speaking, no.
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I hadn't really done anything, you know, that merited what was coming my way. But sometimes there were irregular times of the month that would, you know, change her behavior towards me.
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And sometimes she'd just be frustrated with the kids. And here's something that you younger men may not have learned, but I think us older guys have figured out by now.
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There are times when our wives just want us to listen. My first thing, when somebody starts telling me something, because I think by nature we are problem solvers, by training
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I am a problem solver, because that's what police officers do, they solve problems. So when somebody starts telling me something, my first response is,
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I'm going to tell you how to fix that. Sometimes your wife will tell you things that she doesn't want you to fix.
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She just wants you to listen. And if there's anything more miserable in this life, it's just sitting there and listening and going,
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I can't do anything about this. I'm just supposed to listen. But that's what you're supposed to do.
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And it's hard. It takes, you know, just love is what it takes.
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You have to just listen and just kind of go, okay. Sometimes she can even say something like this, did you want any input on that?
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You know, because the answer is probably going to be no. You know, no, I just want you to listen. I, guys don't do that.
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I just want you to listen. I just want to know, because we want to solve problems. I don't know why
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I framed it this way. I have a question, Steve. Yes, you have a question. I have an answer. Please tell, so if it feels sometimes like you're putting her out or she's not really interested in hearing about what you do, is it better to discontinue or persevere in that because it's important for her to hear your side of the world?
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That's a good question. If she seems disinterested, I don't know, what do you think?
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What's that? Let it be. Or drone on. I vote for, you know, taking a pass.
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Yeah, I mean, I think, well, I was stocking the shelves today at the grocery store.
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Not that you would know. Exactly. There you go.
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So I think there are times when, you know, if it's just the same old, same old, but maybe she wants to hear that same old, same old.
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You know, I mean, it was really in a job like I had when our kids were young, when I was working in a radio car, it's kind of hard to come along or to come home and sort of encapsulate a full day, you know, because a lot of things could have happened, you know, so, but maybe give her the highlights, the most interesting parts of the day.
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Yeah, well, interesting. Yeah. Okay. Plan a regular time to talk to her about her concerns and then pray, study, help her find solutions.
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Now, again, this can be, I like what he says there, but I think this can come along or this can sound, if it's not done right, it can sound kind of condescending.
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So it should be something more like, you know, honey, is there any way I can help you?
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Are you struggling with anything? Are there things that we need to talk about? Or, you know, instead of, well, hey, tell me about your concerns and then we'll pray and try to help you find solutions.
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So ask her how you can pray for her. We want her to pray for us. Well, we should be praying for her.
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And then also here's one, pray with her. Pray with her.
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Spend some time. I tell people, I mean, my concern before people get married, and you young guys can get this, before people get married,
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I'm concerned about their physical chastity, right?
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Want them to stay pure before they get married. But there's one thing that is almost,
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I mean, there's a certain intimacy that goes with prayer. I'm kind of like,
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I don't even know, you know, how much time a couple before they get married should spend in prayer because it is so connecting.
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So I think it's, but for us, for married people, because again, there's an intimacy, there's a connection there.
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I think it's important for us to pray with our wives, to spend time with them doing that. Thoughts or questions about that?
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Okay. Assist her when she needs it or when she doesn't need it.
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Is there anything wrong with helping your wife? Yes. Well, that's true.
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If you're going to get in the way, that's true. What's that?
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Yeah, there you go. But I mean, is there, you know, I've met guys.
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I've heard of guys who think that, you know, doing housework is beneath them. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that actually.
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So it's not a bad thing to actually do some once in a while, you know, wash some dishes, scrub a toilet.
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It won't kill you. Probably. I mean, who knows? It could. Okay, by appreciating her, by appreciating her, and I think this is vital.
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If you think this way, I thank God for my wife. And if you think in the morning, as you're praying in the morning,
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I thank you, Lord, for my wife. How will that affect your attitude towards her?
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I think it will help your attitude towards her. Because it will cause you to reflect on the good that she does for you and to you and that she is in your life.
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You know, I just think, here's how I think about it. I don't want to get too emotional here.
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It's too early in the morning. But when I think about, you know, kind of the things
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I would say in summarizing my wife, you know, like if I were giving her eulogy,
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I would say a few things. I would say, number one, she is quite simply the best person I've ever known.
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Right? And if you think about her in those terms, it's a little bit harder to get upset with and yell at her and dismiss her or insult her, etc.,
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etc., etc. Because you're thinking, okay, this is the best person I've ever known and I'm going to talk to her that way?
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No, I'm not. Thank and verbalize specific qualities or deeds that you are thankful for.
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I think my wife makes muffins, you know, so that I can bring them to the men's ministry on Saturday morning.
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I didn't make a lesson. You should be thankful. You should be thankful for that. Because I never stir them enough and the baking powder or soda or whatever it is, you know, those mix in it.
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Okay. So there you go. And here's an important one.
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Speak well of her to others. I think I might have mentioned this last week. It's so, or last time we were together, last week if you were here.
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Speak well of her to others. I'm telling you, you want to stand out in a crowd, just say nice things about your wife in the workplace.
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It is amazing. They'll look at you like you just landed on a, you know, from a spaceship and you just stepped out because you are one special dude.
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If you can say nice things about your wife. That's not what guys do. Here's one.
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This should grab you by the throat and choke you out. Leave her a note of appreciation. Leave her a note of appreciation.
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You know, a note is a piece of paper where you take a pen and you write something nice. Well, I have to say that because, you know, guys are like, well,
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I texted her. Thanks. You know, or I put an emoji on her
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Facebook post. Write her a note, right?
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Let her know that you really appreciate her. Take a few minutes out of your day to do that.
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Okay, by appreciating her. Fourthly, by treating her special as if she's special compared to others.
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Open doors for her. Open doors for her.
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I opened my wife's car door because I like to just show her that I am putting her first.
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In fact, when we, when I first started doing that, she's like, you don't have to open my door and I'm like, I know.
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But I want to consciously have a reminder that you're there, right?
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That you matter to me. And I want to show you that. Listing, planning dates.
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We've already talked about that. Dates are a good thing. It's good to spend time with her because she needs to know that she is important to you.
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Number three says, put her needs and desires above others. There's something wrong when other people and their needs and priorities come before your wife and guess who notices it more than anybody else?
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Your wife does. And this is not a good thing. It's like, you know, it's like the proverbial fingernails on the chalkboard when she, when she thinks that you are more concerned about the needs and desires of other people than her.
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Number four, he says, show her non -sexual affection. What does that mean?
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That means you can give her a hug outside of the bedroom. You can kiss her outside of the bedroom.
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And it's important. You know, I use this word. I thought it was funny. I won't, I won't embarrass the person who would never hear this, but you know,
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I use this word and the person looked at me and said, what is that?
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Well, this is like, I think what some guys wind up treating their wives like.
38:07
She's not your concubine. She's not somebody that is only, you know, your lover when you're in the bedroom.
38:17
And this is, I mean, that's an ancient term, but basically, you know, it's just like additional wives with all, you know, without all the accoutrement.
38:31
And I just want to clarify, that's not part of our homework. That is not part of your homework. That guy's a troll.
38:50
I've got my eye on him. Do not. Yeah. Were you in the principal's office? I'm going to be sending a few emails out about that one.
39:03
All right. Okay. Fifthly, says be sexually intimate with her, focusing most on her enjoyment.
39:13
I'm not going to say much about that. Only, only this, that if all you're concerned about in bed is yourself, then you are really cheating ultimately yourself, but you're not being right with your wife.
39:33
Okay. By treating her special compared to others. And fifthly, by revealing yourself to her, communicate your thoughts, perspectives and goals.
39:43
Communicate your thoughts, perspectives and goals. Not every thought, by the way. You know, if you want to have a dangerous relationship with your wife, tell her everything you're thinking.
39:57
Likewise, you don't want to know everything she's thinking. Gee, Steve, you're putting on some weight there. I don't want to hear it.
40:05
It might be true, but I don't want to hear it. It isn't.
40:10
Why would it be important to talk to your wife about, you know, your goals? Okay, so they can be aligned.
40:24
Makes her feel involved, right? Again, getting back to that helper thing, right? This is why she's here.
40:30
If she doesn't feel like, you know, she's part of your life, then there's going to be some estrangement and you don't want that.
40:40
Another reason I think maybe it's important for goals. Any other thoughts on that? For, to share goals? Yeah, Mark. And your family.
40:51
Yeah, I think that's good because they, you know, she wants to kind of know where we're going.
40:57
Where is this whole, you know, train heading? Is it going over the cliff or is there a plan here, you know?
41:02
So yeah, that's good. She can hold you accountable. I think there's truth to that too.
41:08
But I think it also just kind of gives her a sense of, we really do have a plan.
41:14
We really do have a direction. And I think it can give security as well, you know, in that sense.
41:27
And we mentioned let her know how she can pray for you. You want her to pray for you.
41:35
You want to pray for her. And by the same token, you know, you can't say, well, you can say, just pray for me.
41:42
But if you say pray for me because, you know, I'm studying for a promotional exam. Because I'm, you know,
41:50
I've got a difficult thing going on at work. I've got, you know, whatever. My carpool partner's driving me crazy.
41:57
Whatever it is. Or, you know, I think I have an opportunity to evangelize so -and -so. These kind of things, again, get back to the helper mode.
42:05
And also make her feel involved in your life, bringing you guys closer.
42:13
Now, how could she help you? How could she help you in the Genesis 2 .18 way? Well, every marriage is different.
42:21
I can't pretend to say that every marriage should be exactly the same or that every husband and wife, you know, are going to divide the household chores, you know, the same.
42:32
Steve and Janet might do things this way. But, you know,
42:37
Pradeep and Sunita might do things differently. And is that okay? Yes.
42:45
You know, as long as, you know, Janet's not the one who's the spiritual leader. And, you know,
42:54
I mean, there are things that are to go to the husband and things that are to be for the wife.
43:01
And we ought not to confuse those things. But, for example, you know, is there a biblical mandate on who should run the checkbook?
43:14
No. Is there a biblical mandate on who should wash the dishes?
43:22
No. You know, but is there a biblical mandate on who should be the breadwinner?
43:33
Yes. Is there a biblical mandate on who should be a helper at home? Yes. So, I mean, there are different divisions of labor that can take place.
43:48
But, overall, the biblical picture needs to be maintained. Each of us have different strengths and weaknesses.
43:58
And here's what I would say. Here's the thing, you know, I was thinking this morning about John Gershner. How many of you ever heard of John Gershner?
44:06
A few of us have. John Gershner was R .C. Sproul's mentor. And, in a lot of ways, he sounded like him, probably because they were
44:13
Presbyterian and they smoked. But I digress. John Gershner had a sermon.
44:22
I don't remember all of it, but I remember parts of it. And it was called, How to Possibly Escape Hell.
44:30
And I was thinking this morning, well, how to possibly, you know, know women generally and understand, well,
44:41
I guess, understand women, you know. If somebody writes a book called How to Understand Women, here's what
44:48
I would say. Burn it. Why?
44:55
Every woman is different. Every woman is different. I mean, seriously.
45:01
I mean, yeah, just erase that book. It's a terrible book. If they make a movie called
45:06
What a Woman Wants, burn it. It's terrible. Because they are... I know it was.
45:16
I never saw it. But I think, well, I was in seminary.
45:22
All right. Every woman is different. Some other things he says here.
45:30
Children are not her job. You know,
45:36
I just think probably when I was young and even more stupid than I am now. I probably had that idea.
45:43
Children are her job, right? So what does that say? Children, you know, the children are your job.
45:50
Going to work is my job. What about that? Okay, it abdicates responsibility.
46:02
And really, it comes back to, are the children her job?
46:10
No. Who's ultimately responsible for the kids? You are, right?
46:15
So this idea that you're going to, you know, just shove them off on her would be wrong. How about this idea?
46:25
My wife is my employer or my employee. I guess
46:31
I wouldn't want to say, excuse me. My wife is my employee. She's here to help me, right?
46:40
Therefore, I should boss her around like she's here to help me. Which one?
46:50
The employer, yeah. My wife is my employer. I need to work heartily as unto my wife.
46:57
No, that's not right. That's not right either. But I think it's important to keep in mind who she is, how
47:06
God has brought her into my life. And she is a fit companion for me.
47:13
Not an employee, not somebody that I can just put to work.
47:18
She is my companion. Now, how should marriage look? How should marriage look?
47:25
Dr. Scott writes, the marriage relationship is to be a characterization of Christ's relationship to his people.
47:32
Included in this picture is a snapshot of the gospel in that the husband's love is to imitate
47:38
Christ's sacrificial love on the cross. Let's look at Ephesians 5.
47:45
Ephesians 5, verses 25 to 30. I'm turning there as if I need to because I have it all printed out here. Ephesians 5, verses 25 to 30.
47:53
And if somebody would read that, please, when they get there. Ephesians 5, verses 25 to 30.
48:01
It is just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless.
48:26
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church because we are members of his body.
48:45
When you read that, do you think, you know, I know
48:51
I'm going to list my complaints against my wife. What do you think when you read that,
49:01
Corey? Okay, it's a perfect standard that I'm not going to live up to.
49:11
And I think that's the point. It should be very humbling. When you read that, you should just say, I fall short.
49:18
This is not me. I don't do this. I would like to do this. I don't do this.
49:27
And if we think, okay, I'm falling short. So my response to my wife when she falls short should be, how could you do this to me?
49:40
You have a lot of nerve doing whatever. Or should you just think,
49:46
I fall short. She falls short. We're fall shorters. This is what we do.
49:55
Now, how do we put this back together? Dr. Scott says, you know, you see yourself in one of these roles as king, lording it over his vassal, dictating and waiting to be served.
50:10
Well, if you read that passage in Ephesians 5, you would never think that way. And you know, this idea, this stereotype,
50:18
I mean, I love doing weddings. Because one of the reasons I love doing weddings is because I like seeing people happy and all that stuff.
50:30
One of the other reasons I like doing weddings is because I love when I read through that passage, because I always go through Ephesians 5.
50:38
And I love when, you know, I read the part about submitting to the husbands. And I love looking out at the audience and seeing all the unbelieving pagan women out there.
50:48
And they're like this. They're ready to charge. If it wasn't a wedding, they'd come grab me, you know, and throw me up on something, you know.
50:59
And then I get to this part and they tend to settle down a little bit. Because they realize that this is a high standard too.
51:09
So he says a king or a hireling over sheep, leaving when the going gets tough and not willing to sacrifice.
51:17
Their husbands like that. If things aren't going their way, they're out of there. How about this one?
51:24
A tolerant roommate making no commitment, ignoring sin and doing his own thing. Basically sharing expenses and a roof.
51:32
Wrong. A business partner. Wrong. An irresponsible steward or drifter, leaving responsibilities undone, going with the flow with no purpose or direction.
51:44
Again, wrong. A preoccupied worker too busy and distracted to fulfill marital responsibilities.
51:51
You work, she takes care of the home. Wrong. I mean, there are scenarios
52:01
I could draw for each one of those, but here's the important thing. All of them are wrong. We fall short.
52:08
Again, we're fall shorters. This is what we do. But that's the standard.
52:14
Jesus Christ is the standard. We can't just say, well, I can't do that and just throw up our hands. We have a high calling and we need to try to live up to it, work on it, love our wives sacrificially.
52:32
Think of them rightly. Treat them rightly. Okay, now, so we're talking about why we have wives, why
52:44
God gives us wives. We need to talk about sexual union.
52:49
It's in the book. I think it's in the book. See, I have the pre -edited version.
52:55
I won't tell you everything, but this book in its first printing hit the bookshelves at Grace Community Church, had a nice endorsement from John MacArthur, and a couple of weeks it was pulled off the shelves.
53:08
And the reason was because some people felt that Dr. Scott went a little bit too far in terms of talking about sex.
53:17
And here's a memo. If you're going to put your name on something endorsing it, you better read every page and make sure that you're okay with it.
53:25
All right, what's that? Isn't that Bill Johnson's job? Well, no, he edits those books, actually.
53:31
All right, so sexual union. Genesis 2 .24 says that they shall become one flesh.
53:38
And when we think about one flesh, I mean, there are a lot of considerations, right? They are a husband and a wife.
53:45
They are one unit. They are indivisible. They're there for each other.
53:51
But also one flesh means there's a sexual aspect to it. And procreation is part of God's plan.
53:58
Remember he said, be fruitful and multiply. But satisfaction in marriage is also part of God's plan.
54:05
Let's look at 1 Corinthians 7 verses 3 to 5. 1 Corinthians 7 verses 3 to 5.
54:18
And if somebody would read that, please. Okay. So that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self -control.
54:50
Okay. So we have marriage for sexual purposes as well.
55:02
Because ultimately, we don't want to have a lack of self -control.
55:09
So that's all I'm going to say about that this morning. Commitment is another part of marriage.
55:16
When we marry, we are covenanting before God to become one flesh. We are promising to permanently join our lives with another in the most permanent and comprehensive way possible.
55:29
The oneness God is speaking of seems to be a total sharing of one another. It is a sharing of ideas, beliefs, joys, difficulties, triumphs, failures, possessions, and bodies.
55:40
The motivation of oneness must be to obey and glorify God. And as I read that, one of the things that really hit me hard when we think about believers being married to unbelievers.
55:54
Listen to what he says there. It is a sharing of ideas, beliefs, joys, difficulties, triumphs, failures, possessions, and bodies.
56:02
There are things that are automatically stricken off that list if you are married to an unbeliever. You don't have the same ideas, beliefs, joys, right?
56:12
If your wife is not a believer, if she doesn't love the Lord Jesus Christ, she doesn't have your same worldview.
56:21
And she doesn't have your same joy. She doesn't know the joy of heaven. She's not fixed on where she's going because she either doesn't know where she's going or she's deluded in where she's going.
56:38
So there would be difficulty there. But this is the idea. There's a total sharing.
56:44
When we say become one flesh, it's not just sexual. But it is sexual. But it's much more than that.
56:50
It's about literally a merging of people. We also have to talk about leaving and cleaving.
57:00
The idea of leaving one's parents and then cleaving to one's spouse. Too much parental involvement.
57:08
I would never say, you know what, you can't talk to your parents anymore after you get married. Or she shouldn't talk to her parents.
57:14
Or whatever. And one of the things we really, you know, since our kids are close to us physically and emotionally, we just don't want to be involved in their marriages, right?
57:32
That's just not our goal. And it should never be the goal of in -laws or parents.
57:39
But leaving means to forsake. When you leave your parents, you establish a clear divide between you and them.
57:49
It's not that you don't love them. It's not that you don't respect them anymore. But there is a new primary relationship.
57:55
And that would be with your wife. And there's also a change of authority. Your dad doesn't get to tell you what to do anymore.
58:02
You are your own household. You're your own man. There's an exchange of dependence.
58:10
You're not dependent upon your parents anymore. Your wife and your children are dependent upon you.
58:16
First Timothy 5 .8 says, if a man doesn't take care of his own household, he is worse than an unbeliever.
58:26
After marriage, key changes take place. Each spouse is to be the other's most significant person on earth.
58:33
And I can't really stress that enough. If your wife isn't the most important person in the world to you, well, then you need to get to that place.
58:41
And she needs to know that. Not that she wasn't, but that she is.
58:48
Cleaving means, we talk about leaving your parents, cleaving means to pursue a firmly joined state.
58:55
To pursue that idea of one flesh. Only our pursuit of God is to be a greater pursuit than the pursuit of our wives.
59:08
God's intentions for the marriage relationship. It is our primary human relationship. It is the only relationship in the
59:15
Bible described as being one flesh. You know, you don't see, for example, you see a lot of instructions, some instructions, about how you should view yourself as an employee, or how you should view yourself in different relationships.
59:29
But you never see it described, any relationship described as being one flesh other than marriage.
59:38
It is also a permanent relationship. Matthew 19, 6, the Lord says, so they are no longer two, but one flesh.
59:49
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. The intention of marriage is to be permanent.
59:59
And that's why it's not to be entered into lightly. All the things that we say when we do a marriage and all that, it's all true.
01:00:06
But our society has, over the last 50, 60 years, has really degraded that idea.
01:00:14
And, you know, marriage for some becomes basically, you know, little more than an elongated date.
01:00:22
You're free to end it at any point. Here's an important point though.
01:00:27
He says, not only is it a permanent relationship, it is a perfecting relationship. What do you suppose he means by that?
01:00:34
It is a perfecting relationship. Okay, good point.
01:00:46
Yep, agree with that. Larry, was it you? I mean, ideally, and you know, this gets back to some other things that we've talked about.
01:01:02
Ephesians 4, 29, and the edifying language, the building up language, the perfecting relationship.
01:01:11
What does that mean? Does that mean we're going to be perfect? No, it means that it's a, what's the word
01:01:17
I'm looking for? It's growing. It's a work in process. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:01:23
Oh, well, how about this? How about if I put it this way? This would be a mutually edifying relationship, which means that both of us are to be built up by this relationship, that we should both be refined by it, that we should both be sharpened by it.
01:01:48
And I think too many marriages, you know, especially if you watch TV, I really don't recommend, if you want some bad marital advice, watch a sitcom.
01:01:58
Because what are all the jokes about? Dad is an idiot, right?
01:02:06
Yeah, well, I mean, nowadays, but older, even older sitcoms seem like what they did a lot was insult each other.
01:02:17
So yeah, I mean, the whole idea of how the world views marriage is completely wrong.
01:02:24
But then again, it wouldn't be very funny if they weren't tearing each other pieces. Okay, God's perspective on men and women.
01:02:38
The two are positionally and personally equal. They are positionally and personally equal.
01:02:44
They're both image bearers. Genesis 1, 27, you know, when
01:02:49
God says, let us make men in our own image, we're both men and women made in the image of God.
01:02:55
What does that mean? What does it mean to be an image bearer?
01:03:01
You know, in one sentence or less. Reflection.
01:03:09
It reflects some aspects of God's character, right? We do. I mean, we don't really reflect all of it.
01:03:17
We're not omnipotent or omnipresent or omniscient.
01:03:22
But there are characteristics of God that are reflected in us.
01:03:38
Okay, well, let me ask you this. Because I like these commercials about, you know, they're killer during the
01:03:45
Christmas holidays about, you know, animals dying in the snow, right?
01:03:52
They're freezing, they're outside, they're chained up and stuff like that. And it's terrible to see cats like that.
01:04:00
Sorry, I can't resist. And it really is difficult, right?
01:04:07
But I'm like, when I see commercials like that, what do I think? I think, well, animals are valuable and they're God's creation, but they're not image bearers.
01:04:21
Animals are not image bearers of God. They don't reflect, you know, we're not told that they're created in the image of God because they're not created in the image of God.
01:04:32
There are a lot of things that animals don't do that we do. So here's the point.
01:04:39
There's an intrinsic value in your wife that isn't present in your dog or your cat or your hamster or your python or whatever you've got.
01:04:52
We are positionally equal. We're also equal in Christ, Galatians 3 .28.
01:04:58
There's neither male nor female. But so much like we could say, father, son, spirit are equal.
01:05:14
We could say that a husband and wife are equal, but they have different roles.
01:05:28
They have different functions. The husband and wife are not equal in authority.
01:05:39
And this is a tough one, right? And we talked about that before, just in terms of, you know, submission.
01:05:50
That the idea that wives are to submit to their husbands is true, right?
01:06:04
But what does that mean? Does that mean that she, you know, she's an image -bearer asterisk?
01:06:11
She's not quite as much of an, you know, you're an image -bearer plus, right?
01:06:20
You're the plus one. When we talk about father, son, and spirit, which one is the most important?
01:06:34
Trick question is correct. So what's that? See, I think you could make an argument for which one is the most, which characteristic of God, which attribute of God is the most important.
01:06:53
You know, I mean, I think you could make an argument that some are more important than others. You'd probably be wrong, but you could at least make the argument.
01:07:10
Yeah, because here's the thing. We have different roles, not different value.
01:07:17
And, you know, if this really, if we look at it rightly, like we call this the
01:07:23
Trinity, right? Well, this is one flesh.
01:07:36
This right here. And too often we just do this.
01:07:43
You know, like there's some massive division. Well, that's not the way it's designed. Well, well, yeah.
01:07:58
And I'm not saying, I'm not saying, you know, yes, perfect, imperfect, right.
01:08:05
So true. But I think in terms of the relationship and the roles and everything, there are some comparisons to be made.
01:08:17
You know, in other words, the father is not greater than the son who is not greater than the spirit, but the father and son send the spirits.
01:08:28
The spirit willingly submits to the father and the son. The son willingly submits to the father. We never see the father submitting to the son or the spirit, but there is a, was it something
01:08:40
I said, Anthony? He's just trying to sneak. No, he had some place to go.
01:08:47
I knew about that. Yeah, so many times.
01:09:02
Right, like it's an org chart, right? And if you think this way, see me afterwards because you've got issues, pal.
01:09:16
This is, I mean, we can, same value, but different roles.
01:09:25
And so we, you know, again, if you're like lording it over your wife, if you think, well,
01:09:31
I've got this authority, I'll get that. You know,
01:09:37
I've got this authority, therefore I have to act in an authoritarian way towards her.
01:09:42
Well, what does scripture say? Ephesians 5 says, no, love her like Christ loved the church.
01:09:52
Now, well, I don't want to spend more time on that. It's just important to know that we are equal, but we have different functions.
01:10:02
Yes. I see it like we are equal. And there are times where we put ourselves under our wives, where it says, lay down your life for her.
01:10:11
You're a servant, just as Christ loved the church, right? And we put ourselves beneath her so that we can raise her up.
01:10:17
And at the same time, she's commanded to occasionally put herself beneath us in submission. And so we don't ever put our wives under us and our wives should never put us under them.
01:10:29
But that's something that we do willingly. And we do because we're commanded to by God to serve and be under our wives at times.
01:10:40
And our wives are told to occasionally submit and be under us at times. OK. Now, let me ask you about that.
01:10:47
Does serving mean that you are under the authority of somebody else?
01:10:56
OK. I just wanted to clarify that. Good answer. Yeah, because you can serve your wife without being under her authority.
01:11:05
And that's, we are to serve. But ultimately, she's not to have authority over us.
01:11:15
Does that mean that my wife can never tell me anything? No. But I think we'd be in a difficult place in our relationship if she started giving me orders.
01:11:34
We'd be in a difficult place in our relationship if I started giving her orders. But the ultimate difference is, much like with the
01:11:45
Trinity, there are going to be times when even though Steve and Janet are equal, there is a responsibility that comes over here that isn't over here.
01:11:59
And if push comes to shove, which it rarely does, then the decision has to be made over here.
01:12:09
So, but those kind of, we should strive to make those sort of situations rare.
01:12:17
And we do that in large measure by servant leadership, by emulating
01:12:23
Christ, by communicating, by doing all the things that he's been talking about here so that there isn't that conflict ultimately.
01:12:32
Other thoughts about that? Okay. Strock writes, the husband -wife relationship is not boss -employee, commander -soldier, or teacher -student relationship.
01:12:46
It is a love relationship in which two adults become united as one. Within this union, one partner lovingly takes the lead and the other willingly and actively supports that lead.
01:12:59
Okay. So it's like director and co -director, right? But you are the director.
01:13:06
First Corinthians 11 .3 says this, but I want you to understand that the head of every man is
01:13:13
Christ. The head of a wife is her husband and the head of Christ is
01:13:18
God. In other words, in terms of spiritual authority, there is a,
01:13:25
I guess you could say an org chart, let me ask you this. Let's just make it real practical for a minute.
01:13:32
Who picks the church that you go to? What's that?
01:13:44
Pick it together, okay? Her opinion matters, okay?
01:13:55
Ultimately, it has to be your responsibility. Let's just think for a minute.
01:14:13
Children's programs, music, bible version for preaching.
01:14:46
Now, which one of these is the most important? I just did that for Taylor, okay?
01:15:06
The preaching is really strong, but they use the message. We really need special music for that.
01:15:26
Here's the point. Ultimately, your wife may or may not have the right,
01:15:32
I mean, it would be an interesting exercise. I'm not suggesting you do this, but it would be an interesting exercise to see what the most important things to your wife about church are, and then to just reflect, how do we wind up where we are or whatever?
01:15:52
It may be that she puts number four, which ought to be number one. She ought to put that, or maybe she puts that as the first.
01:16:01
Ultimately, when it comes to spiritual leadership, you're responsible for what your family learns.
01:16:08
You know, when we're talking about the washing with the word and all these kinds of things, you are responsible for where you go and worship.
01:16:15
You're the one that's going to be held accountable. You're not going to be able to say on judgment day, well, we wound up at the church of what's happening now, because it was what my wife liked.
01:16:25
She really liked their children's programs. She really liked the music. She really liked the fact that on Easter Sunday, they dropped eggs and had all kinds of fuzzy animals running around.
01:16:34
She loved that. So what was I to say to her? You were to say to her,
01:16:40
I know you like those things, and I'm glad you like those things, and it shows the tenderness of your heart and everything, but we really need to be at a church where this is number one.
01:16:52
And so even though you like all these other things, and maybe we can help the church kind of improve, maybe we can get
01:17:00
Bethlehem Bible Church to do an Easter egg drop, or I wish you all the best in your endeavors.
01:17:19
Yeah, well,
01:17:56
I think that's a long situation here, but let me just summarize it.
01:18:06
Let me just summarize it this way. Problems like that don't happen overnight.
01:18:13
So it gets back to what Chris Stapleton said. Falling feels like flying. If you start in the beginning of your marriage by,
01:18:23
I'll just say, seizing the reins of authority when it matters, don't tell your wife where to grocery shop or all these kinds of things.
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If she likes one store over the other one, well, it's probably not going to be whole foods over whatever, because she just likes to spend money.
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And you can budget, you can do all those kinds of things, but when it comes to the church that you're going to attend, you have to be the determiner if there's going to be an issue.
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And if you did that from before the time you got married, I mean, I've asked people, well, here was a killer.
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I did this once in premarital. I asked the prospective wife,
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I said, can you ever see a day when you would go to a different church on Sunday morning than your husband?
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And she sat right there and looked me in the eye and said, yes. And I just go, I wanted to just like, you know, take a flare gun out or something like that.
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Well, the marriage never happened. Thankfully for that. But I just thought, you know, so and my point is that from the beginning that needs to be set out and it needs to be done well, and men need to be leading right from the beginning.
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I'm not going to take the time for the sake of time to read. Well, maybe I will. Let's look at Ephesians 5 and we're going to read a little bit more of it here.
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We read 25 to 30 earlier, and I'm going to start reading in verse 22.
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Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. And again,
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I just want to underscore, it's not husbands make sure your wives submit to you, but wives submit to your husbands.
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But listen to that as to the Lord, as they submit to him, they are to submit to you.
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Now that should be, it doesn't feel empowering to me. It feels humbling because I'm like, okay,
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I'm not worthy of that. 23 for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior.
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Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
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Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the word or washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
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And I'm just going to pause here for a moment and just say the most refining thing you can do is expose your wife and your kids to the word of God and to the accurate preaching and teaching of the word.
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Verse 28, in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body.
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Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.
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This mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
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When I read that, let each one of you love his wife as himself.
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What does that remind you of, that wording there? What did Jesus say? Here's the great commandment.
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Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. The second is like unto it, which was? Love your neighbor as yourself.
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Love your wife. Let each one of you love his wife as himself.
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Love your neighbor as yourself. It kind of sounds like the same idea. You love yourself.
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That's inherent in you. You have a great deal of love for yourself.
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If you love your wife as much, you ought to love her more, but if you love her as much as yourself, you'll be okay.
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Husbands must lead. He is the head of the wife. He is to actively and sacrificially love, including protecting and nourishing.
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Protecting physically and spiritually, by the way. If she's reading rubbish, you need to talk to her about that.
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Stop reading that rubbish. Stop watching that soap opera or whatever it is.
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I mean, don't say that, but just say, you know, is this really the best? Is this really honoring the Lord? Is this really improving the way you think about life and marriage?
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He is to purify his wife by exposing her to the word. He is to provide for her needs physically and spiritually.
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And note also, husbands must love actively. He must show it in tangible ways, not just say it, right?
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The one thing I learned from psychology years and years ago was this. There's what people say, and there's what people do.
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And you can take what they say and throw it out the window, because you measure what people really think by what they do.
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So if your wife measures your love for her by what you do, is she convinced?
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And Dr. Scott points out, pointing backward to individual acts doesn't cut it. Don't you remember?
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Here's my Ebenezer that I built when I, you know, did such and such for you. You don't get to do that.
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It's constant. It must be ongoing. We don't have much time, but let me just finish with this.
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We must love them, and we must live with them according to knowledge. 1 Peter 3 .7 says this, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
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Understanding really means knowledge. You are to live with them according to knowledge. It's that word gnosis or knowledge.
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Let me put it this way. You have to be a student of your wife. You have to be a student of your wife.
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You have to be constantly learning about her, learning what she likes, what she doesn't like. And, you know, again, let me say this again.
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She is not like you, and you should be thankful for that. Husbands must take the time and the effort to know the best way to love their wives.
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Stuart Scott writes this, It is a lack of love for God and one's wife that causes a husband to say,
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I don't like to read. It's just not in me to study, or I can't take the time to read or become knowledgeable.
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I venture to say that if a man were offered a million dollars to study God's principles of marriage or attend a marriage conference, he would make a great effort to make it happen.
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By the way, I'm not offering you a million dollars to attend Saturday morning class. But if that was the case, you'd be here.
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If I were to offer you a million dollars to learn more about your wife, what they like, what they don't like, you know, simple things, favorite color.
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I mean, you know, imagine being on the newlywed game now and being asked questions that should be basic.
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You know, what does she like to eat? What doesn't she like to eat? Listen, if your wife, if you're going to take her out for your anniversary and you take her out to this wonderful seafood place and you get there and she says,
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I hate seafood, good job. Yeah, you have to know these things.
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What does it mean, by the way, when it says that women are the weaker vessel? I mean, for some of us, that's not necessarily true, right?
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Some of our wives are strong. Maybe they can do more pushups than you can. Is that the point?
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They are weaker physically and emotionally, right? And you can do serious damage,
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I've mentioned it before, to your wife emotionally, the things that you say. But we're to live with them as if we understand that, as if we know their weaknesses and we should avoid kind of trying to exploit those.
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And again, if we just think about the image of Christ in the church, what does that mean? Christ loved the church, gave himself up for her.
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We love our wives and therefore, we're going to hurt them emotionally.
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No, absolutely not. Stuart Scott says, he must put his wife, the husband must put his wife before himself and serve her even when it means a personal sacrifice on her part or on his part.
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Yeah, I'm going to serve you and it's going to cost you. We need to be students, we need to be servants.
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In fact, even as we speak, I'm starting this whole S thing. Students of our wives, servants.
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You know, I'll come up with some more. This is how we are to think about them.
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We need to learn about them. We need to serve them and I really would like it if you guys would try to plan a time out, whether it's an evening or an afternoon or whatever, that your wives would really like and don't ask them what they would really like.
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There are tricky ways of doing that, by the way. For example, she says, where are we going to dinner? And then you say, what?
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No, you say, where did you think we were going to dinner? See, and then you'll find out what she wants.
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But that's cheating. So let's not do that. Okay, be students, be servants.
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Let's pray. Father, thank you for these men. Thank you for their willingness to get up early in the morning and to have fellowship and to learn from your word and learn from the wisdom of a man like Dr.
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Scott. Just pray that you would bless each one of us, that our homes would be strengthened, that we would be encouraged to be students of our wives, to be servants of our wives, to be mindful of our role as spiritual leaders, to be spiritual and physical providers for our wives, and to ever have the standard of the
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Lord Jesus Christ before us, knowing that we're going to fall short. And because we fall short, being humble enough to say, by the grace of God, I'm going to do the best that I possibly can to please the
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Lord in how I honor, cherish, and nourish my wife, and how
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I view us as one flesh, indivisible. Nothing can get between us.
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Nothing in this world can separate my wife and me. Father, make that our mindset.