Raising Children to Do Right - Part 1 (Eph 6:1-4) | Adult Sunday School

Yes, good morning.

Glad you're here this morning as we get started together. Let's begin by opening your Bibles to the sixth chapter of Ephesians. So Ephesians chapter 6 we're actually making forward progress. We've gotten out of chapter 5 for the most part arriving at chapter 6 and Before we begin let's open with a word of prayer.

Well our great God and father of the Lord Jesus Christ. How grateful we are to gather here together this morning and to open your word. To hear from you through the scriptures as your spirit makes it plain and clear to us.

We do ask father that you would enable that clarity of speech and thought clarity of hearing. That your spirit would apply his word where it is needful in each and every one of our lives. Our father what an amazing thing it is.

That the Word of God can speak in that kind of personal way to each of us exactly where we are for the purpose of Growing us in the likeness of Christ. That we might stand as redeemed lights in a lost and dark world.

For the glory of Christ alone. We pray. Amen.

Children Are a Blessing and a Grief

Well.

As I say we are in the sixth chapter of Ephesians Ephesians chapter 6 and for this week and next we are going to bring a Two-part message entitled raising children to do right. So this is sort of the continuation of the family and parenting.

Rubric. It's that's stood over all of this, but we are turning to address the topic of children beginning this morning and then next week as well and The scriptures tell us that children are a blessing.

Children are a blessing. For example Psalm 127 in verses 3 through 5 We read behold children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward like arrows in the hand of a warrior. So are the children of one's youth.

How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them? They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gates. So children are a blessing a blessing of the Lord. But children can also be a grief.

Children can be a grief for example Proverbs chapter 17 and verse 25 Working we read a foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him. So children are a blessing of the Lord, but children can be a grief.

We raise a foolish child. It will be there'll be no end of the grief that will come to us on account of it. Disobedient children are one of the signs of societal depravity and the scripture tells us the end of the age.

Societal depravity in the end of the age are characterized by disobedient children again, for example in Romans chapter 1 verses 28 and following. Where Paul writes. And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer God gave them over to a depraved mind.

To do those things which are not proper being filled with all unrighteousness wickedness greed evil. Full of envy murder strife deceit malice. Gossips and slanders and haters of God insolent arrogant Boastful inventors of evil that is quite a litany disobedient to parents.

Disobedient to parents without understanding untrustworthy unloving. Unmerciful and although they know the ordinance of God that those who practice such things are worthy of death. They not only do the same.

But also give hearty approval to those who practice them, right? Square in the middle of.

That.

Viceless of depravity we find disobedient to parents. Disobedient children characterized the end of the age. Paul writes in 2nd Timothy chapter 3 verses 1 and following. But realize this that in the last days difficult times will come.

For men will be here. We is here. It comes again. Lovers of self lovers of money boastful arrogant revilers. Disobedient to parents. Ungrateful unloving. Unholy irreconcilable malicious gossips without self-control brutal haters of good treacherous reckless conceited lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

Holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power a boy such men as these. So yes disobedient children are Absolutely a mark of the end of the age and the depravity That characterizes it.

Since God is the one who has established a family structure he views disrespectful and Rebellious children as the equivalent of disrespect and rebellion against him. He equates them together. And God views those things so seriously he puts them on a par with treason and Idol worship keeping your thumb in Ephesians.

You can look back just a couple of passages. Leviticus 19. Leviticus 19.

Seriousness.

Disobedient children. Leviticus 19 verses 1 through 4. Then the Lord spoke to Moses saying speak to all the congregation of the sons of Israel and say to them You shall be holy. For I the Lord your God am holy.

Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father and you shall keep my Sabbaths. I am the Lord your God. Do not turn to idols or make for yourselves molten gods. I am the Lord your God. Again fascinating.

This is a rebuke of idolatry and right. Smack in the middle of it is this issue of reverence and respect of children to their parents. There's a big deal. It's a big deal. One more. Deuteronomy 21. Deuteronomy 21 and beginning in verse 18.

Deuteronomy 21 and beginning in verse 18. If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother and When they chastise him, he will not even listen to them. Then his father and mother shall seize him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of his hometown.

And they shall say to the elders of his city. This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard. Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death. So you shall remove the evil from your midst and all Israel will hear of it and fear.

God is very very much concerned With the state of our children's heart and how they respond to parental authority over them. Turn back to. The sixth chapter of Ephesians. The topic of raising children within the protective confines of a believing community.

Is what we want to talk about. And even if your children are fully grown this morning, even if they are fully grown this morning. Nice this message and next we'll have something for you, too. It has something for all of us something for all of us.

Let's look at the text together. Chapter 6 and beginning in verse 1. Children. Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise.

So that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger. But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. I have a threefold approach.

That we'll start with this morning. Simple outline threefold approach to raising children to do right in a world that does wrong. A threefold approach. To raising children to do right in a world that does wrong.

In a world that does wrong we'll look at the first one together this morning and then next week the second and the third so. The first for us this morning. Help them to recognize their obligation. Help them to recognize their obligation.

Children Must Obey and Honor Their Parents

Verses 1 2. Children obey your parents in the Lord for it. For this is right honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise now Paul is Turning in his address to the believing community here from husbands and wives and he is now beginning to address children.

Following this he will begin to address the household slaves so he's still within the confines of the believing community and.

Now it's.

Children and it follows the same pattern and that we saw for wives Our husbands and wives and then we will see for slaves and masters it is the same here for children and parents and that is that Paul first addresses the one called to submit and Then he addresses the one who is in authority in that relationship.

Same structure exact same structure and And we were reminded here and I will just take that moment to remind you of the grammatical connections that flow through this passage and ties it all together.

We have in verse 18 Where Paul writes don't get drunk with wine for that is dissipation but be filled by the Spirit. Present passive imperative the idea of a continuing action to to put oneself in a position where the Spirit is Continually filling and influencing and transforming us so that our thinking and our behavior comport with our new status in Christ and Then he spills it out in verses 19 to 21.

You'll remember through a series of five present middle Participles the last of which is in verse 21 Where he writes being subject to one another in the fear of the Lord and then that spills out Into wives to husbands children to parents slaves to masters.

That's how it works now it works and So when we think about the context here verses 1 to 4 what we see is that Paul's instructions here in 6 1 2 4 are an outgrowth of his command to be continually filled by the Spirit.

Now that means that there are several features I think contextually that stand out from this. So here they are.

First.

Paul is assuming that the children will be included in the meetings of the church and hear the letter read Notice verse 1 he's addressing them as children. He's addressing the children. So there's an expectation.

They're going to hear this. You're going to hear this in the public reading ministry of the church at Ephesus. He's assuming they're included. Second, he's assuming they're old enough to understand what he is writing to them.

Old enough to understand it old enough to believe it and old enough to live a spirit-controlled life. All right. This is flowing out of the command to be filled by the Spirit. And so he's expecting these children that are the the audience of this.

To comply with the command just like he's assuming the wives can comply with it. The husbands can comply with it. The slaves can comply with it and the masters can comply with it. Third. Third notice that he's addressing the children directly.

Directly addressing the children. He is not going through their parents. He's speaking directly to the children. So a Question I think that would naturally arise for us is How old are these children? How old are they?

I think we have to assume a few things. That they are young enough to still be at home. Young enough to still be at home and yet old enough to deliberate whether they're going to obey this commandment or not.

So young enough to still be home old enough to deliberate whether they'll obey or not they are still being Brought up look at verse 4. They are still being brought up ectrefo. The Greek it's what's used in 529 there to speak of nurturing and strengthening.

So that gives us a little idea on this they're old enough to be nourished and strengthened and brought up by continuing to receive instruction and Discipline from their fathers verse 4 so old enough to believe old enough to receive instruction.

Young enough to still be in that home and under their father's authority. That's the best we can tell I Mean, it'd be great to have well, let's look at the Greek word to techno and we allow tell us exactly, you know.

They're nine and a half years old. No, no, it's very it's a very broad very flexible word So contextually, I think that's what we can derive To these children those young enough to be still in the home old enough to hear and believe.

Paul gives two overlapping but not Identical commands he gives them to overlapping but not identical.

Commands and.

The first command is to obey. The first command is to obey. Verse one children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Obey hoop. Akua is the Greek verb. It's comprised of a preposition of pair which means under and and Akua to hear so it's the idea of to hear under to listen.

It reminds me of Proverbs chapter 1 verse 8 where we hear. There's Solomon's instruction to his children to hear or to obey or to listen to your father. It's that kind of an idea. It's it's to listen with the eye to obedience.

What it's not is yeah dad. I heard you. It's to listen with obedience. One commentator and I think he nails it. He says the the command to obeyed Hukou it means to do what you are told. I love it when it's really concise and simple.

What does it mean? Children do what you are told. By your parents in the Lord for this is right. Notice there is no Qualification and there is no limitation on this no qualifications. No limitations. Do what you are told do what you told.

It's intentionally broad. It's intentionally broad. It's it's intentionally broad in the same way. Look at verse 24. Where Paul's instruction to the wives is intentionally broad. Where he says wives ought to be to their own husband subject to their own husbands in everything.

We talked about that that is an intentionally broad idea. We have the same thing here. Do what you are told children. Do what you are told. Paul doesn't care about exceptions. He does not deal with exceptions.

I'm not saying there's not exceptions that don't exist. He would acknowledge there are exceptions that don't exist. But the deal with the exceptions is to vacate the command of its force of its impact of its authority.

If we have to deal with yeah, well, what if your parents, you know, or there's that man I'm gonna deal with that. I'm gonna deal with the main idea, by the way. When you when you read or hear a command in Scripture and your first thought is yeah.

What about and you start to conceive in your mind of this this? interesting set of circumstances that will somehow Relieve you of the obligation, you know, what if my and and you worked out guess what?

That's a hard rebellion. That's a hard rebellion. If you're if you're looking to get out from it immediately when you hear it, that's not a heart of faith. It's not a heart of faith. So Paul is Speaking here in absolute terms.

Okay, so let me help a little bit. I'm gonna go out on the limb here a bit and tease it out. Areas of obedience. Obey your parents. Okay. Here you go. Here's a few Family chores. Family chores do what you are told with regard to your family chores.

Whatever your parents tell you to do you do work schedules. Your parents set your work schedules. They have final authority over these things if they tell you you cannot work on Sunday. Then the answer is you cannot work on Sunday.

And if that means you don't get the job guess what you don't get the job they have authority over your friendships. They have authority over your friendships who you may see how often you may see them.

They have authority over your use of social media. How much?

What?

Platforms. What hours of the day or night? They have authority over your movie. Watching what movies you may and may not watch. Well, you know my mom and dad they said I can't watch that. Yeah, you're right.

You can't. Yeah, but everybody else's watch. Hey, you know what? I don't matter. They're not your parents your parents say no. The answer is no. The answer is no. They have authority over your curfews and your bedtimes.

When you must be in when you must go to bed. Can they make you go to sleep? No. Can they make you turn off your social media turn out the lights be in the bed. Yeah. Yeah, actually they can. Well that I can't make me.

No, of course because this like with with the wives earlier and the slaves to follow it requires one's voluntary Submission to the authority over them. That's the demonstration of a heart of faith. So it's not that day.

Dad's bigger than me. They'll come in age when he's not. Come in age when he's not but. Your submission to him to your mom is a result of a believing heart submission to your parents is ultimately submission to the Lord.

A Failure to submit your parents is a failure to submit to God. Oh I'm not doing it here. How about this budgeting and expenditures? Yeah, they have a right to tell you what you can spend and what you can spend it on.

Yeah, but it's my money. I earn it. No your child. Your child dating. When you can date who you can date. What is dating look like? Yeah, they have authority over all that to all that to.

Schooling.

Where you will go to school? What you will study the authority over that to use it a family car. Yeah, actually they do. Yeah, yeah. Yeah dad. Can I have the car keys? No. No, you're feeling sufficiently uncomfortable yet.

Or shall I go on the authority is extensive. It is extensive. And and if that is uncomfortable to us that is merely a sign of how much we have drunk our culture. How deeply we have drunk our culture? Listen, the Bible doesn't knows nothing about adolescence.

That is it. That is a psychological reality. This command to obey is a present imperative and that means that there's a stress on the ongoing action of the verb. You are to continually obey your parents.

Whatever they said whatever they say, that's what you are to do. That's what the believing heart looks like. That's what being filled by the Spirit looks like in the life of a believing child. Now notice here obey your parents in the Lord in the what does that mean in the Lord.

It's a few possibilities. Okay a few. It could be a reference to Christian parents. Which the idea would be children obey your parents or obey your Christian parents. Could be that children obey your Christian parents.

That's possible or it could speak to the to the Parameters of your obedience in other words children obey your parents in the things that are Christian. In the things that are Christian in other words when they're when their commands are Christian commands to do Christian things you obey them.

That's possible, too. But I don't think either one of them is correct. So I think the third is the correct idea and it's this it is the reason for your obedience. It is the reason for your obedience. In other words, you are a Christian.

That's the reason. Because you have been incorporated into Christ by faith. Chapter 1. Therefore you should obey your parents because they have been placed over you by God and by being obedient to them you are Expressing the new life that you have in Christ the new life you have in Christ.

I Think that fits best Contextually with the flow of the whole passage about spirit empowered living spirit empowered living now Paul gives a reason. The reason the children should obey their parents.

Notice it for it is right in the sight of God. Don't you like that? How many times as a parent have you found yourself in a situation with a child where they want a reason? Why do I have to do this? I love this reason because it is right.

Because it is right. But you'll love that I Kind of takes it all out of the whole subjective area. It's just a statement. It's a reality it is right for a child to obey their parents and This rightness is is woven into the law of Moses.

That it expresses the mind of God. Therefore it is right though. The word is the chaos. It's it's often translated righteous. Righteous it is it is righteous to obey your parents. It is right To obey your parents.

It is the Christian thing to do in our sister letter over in Colossians chapter 3 verse 20. I Like the English Standard Version of that verse where Paul writes their children obey your parents in everything.

So we see the correspondence here. Here it is for this Pleases the Lord. I love that. I Love that bird is right. Why is right. Because it pleases God that's why it's right it pleases God. This this rightness of The child's obedience to their parents is made very clear in the Ten Commandments, isn't it?

Make clear in the Ten Commandments. It's the fifth commandment and and Paul cites it here he brings the fifth commandment to bear and. And and the Ten Commandments act as an introduction to the entire Mosaic law.

And so through the gateway of the Ten Commandments into the Mosaic law, this is what's right. This is what the mind of God is and Paul enlists it to support his command. To do what is right honor your father and your mother which is the first commandment with a promise.

That's the fifth commandment the first commandment sequentially the first one with the promise. Here's the promise so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.

This.

Command to honor honor your father and your mother is For those children who are still in the home a command to obey. Remember I said they are they are overlapping but not identical. Overlapping but not identical and so the second command is to honor.

The first one is to obey the second is to honor. These are very closely related. They overlap even but they're not identical commands identical. So the command to honor honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise first obey second honor.

So if you are a child living under your parents Ruth. If you do not obey you then you dishonor. You dishonor your parents, which means you dishonor God by refusing to obey. In fact, we could say that we learn to honor by learning to obey.

So, I think this is can sweep up the small children. How do we teach our children to honor us? We teach them first to obey us. Obedience is the first expression of honor. To fail to honor your parents Is to fail to honor God.

It's to refuse to honor God. All right years ago Carol and I worked in college ministry for a number of years. And I can remember a time when there was a young man in our college group who he. I've probably heard me speaking about these kinds of things and he came up to me and he had an interesting question to me.

His question was. When does my obligation to obey my parents cease? When do I not have to obey them any longer? And here was my answer to him. When you take your hand out of your daddy's pocket. When you take your hand out of your daddy's pocket.

What does that mean? It means when you pay your own way. When you are economically free from them. Yeah, well, I am. I pay my own cell phone bill. I said is that all of life? I put gas in my car. Congratulations.

You have the maturity of a 14 year old who puts your food on the table? Who puts the roof over your head? Who pays for the doctor's bills when you're sick or injured and on and on and on? You are a child.

Yeah, but I'm 20 years old. I'm a senior in college. You're a child still. You haven't yet transitioned. No, I don't want to hear that. I Can assure you they don't want to hear it. But it's the truth.

You are a child still. Until you establish yourself economically such that you can live on your own. Such that you can live on your own eventually. Genesis tells us that a man leaves his father and his mother and is joined to his wife and they become one flesh.

And it is at that point where his duty to obey in the childhood expression for honor Rather gives way to the more mature obligation that lasts a lifetime. So the obligation to honor stays with us forever.

It's a lifetime obligation. The obligation to obey remains as long as you are under his roof as long as you're under his roof. We can see this reality in a couple of New Testament passages. So for example go with me to mark chapter 7.

We sort of see the truth of it by looking at the opposite of it here in mark 7. Beginning verse 9 Jesus is speaking to the Pharisees here and criticizing them and so forth. And he was also saying to them you are experts at setting aside the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition.

For Moses said honor your father and your mother and he who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death. We've read that that is the law. But you say if a man says to his father or his mother whatever I Have that would have helped you is Corbin that is to say given to God.

You no longer permit him to do anything for his father and his mother thus invalidating the Word of God by your tradition. Which you have handed down and you do many things such as that. So he's criticizing the Pharisees for their their fundraising scheme, which was to basically tell people hey, you know what just say that you're that you're.

Your wealth is dedicated to God and therefore not available to help mom and dad and in so doing. You violate the law you do not honor God. You do not honor God in such things. You actually elevate your own opinions and ideas.

We see again over in chapter 10 with the rich young ruler verse 17. Jesus was setting out on a journey and a man ran up to him and knelt before him and asked him good teacher What shall I do to inherit eternal life?

Jesus said to him why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments. Do not murder. Do not commit adultery. Do not steal do not bear false witness. Do not defraud honor your father and mother.

He said to him teacher I have kept all these things from my youth up and looking at him Jesus felt a love for him and said to him one thing you lack. Go and sell all you possess and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven and come follow me.

But at these words, he was saddened and he went away grieving or he was one who owned much property. Now I don't want to unpack this whole thing other than make this observation that he says I have kept this from my youth.

I have financially honored My mother and father. So there is a financial component To an adult in the honoring of their mother and father. We'll get to this momentarily, so back to Ephesians 6. And notice the promise that it that accompanies this this command to honor.

It goes well with you and you may live long on the earth. In other words that this commandment contains a promise of a long and prosperous life to those who obey. To those who obey this is in the keeping of The way God Established his covenant with the nation of Israel.

If you obey me, I will prosper you when you disobey me. I will chasten you. If you obey me in the honoring of your mother and father, you will live long in the land. You will prosper as a nation. We see the idea in Proverbs.

It's all over the Proverbs for those who do right. They will prosper for those who do wrong. They will suffer none of them. I mean every single person who does right lives forever, you know rivers a really long life and live the prosperous life.

No, of course not.

You got to go to the book of Ecclesiastes to sort these things together. But there is this Way that God has set up the world and generally speaking Children. Adult children, so that's all of us. How we respond to our parents if they are still living?

Does in fact. It does affect us.

And so thinking.

Let's try to make a little bit of practical here in Thinking what it means for both children and adults to honor their mother and their father. Let me suggest some practical ideas. Okay from here on out it's for the most part just some practical applications.

What does that mean? It means that it is not thus says the Lord. This is thus says David. I think I have the Spirit of God. So I'd like to suggest some of these for your consideration to you. These are practical ideas and I was Greatly influenced in the in the putting of this section together.

Some years ago by a by a blog post I read by Tim Chalice and I recommend you go back to that. The blog post by Tim Chalice. I don't have the date of it. You'd have to find it but it's entitled six practical ways to honor your parents.

That's the blog post six practical ways to honor your parents by Tim Chalice. Well, I was not satisfied with six. So I've got many more than that. But it at least got me thinking. So here they are ways to honor your parents.

For children who are still at home start there for children who are still at home. First time obedience with a happy spirit. Okay, we just begin there. First time obedience with a happy spirit. What's first time obedience first time?

Obedience is mom or dad tell you to do something and you do it. Imagine that. You don't need to be told again. They don't need to count. You don't need to drag your feet and you know, we'd all frowny mouth and roll your eyes, you know.

There's a whole multitude of these things. First time every time with a happy spirit. That's what it means to obey and honor. For those of you who are still home another way to honor your parents is To extend grace to them and do not hold their sin or their shortcomings against them.

Extend them grace. Hey, you know what mom and dad they're sinners. Like, you know when you're real really little you don't figure that out but you know get a little bit over. Hey guess what.

There's sinners do.

So extend them grace. They're extending you grace. You extend them grace and and don't hold their sin and their shortcoming against them. They're in progress to third. Speak well of them. Speak well of them.

Refuse to speak evil of your parents to your siblings when you're married to your spouse. To your children to your church to your community. Speak well of your parents now. Some have painful memories.

Some have painful memories of their parents. I understand that. Some of you do. And if that's true of you, I want to remind you of two things. Okay, that'll help I think.

First.

They gave you life. No matter how bad they were they gave you life. They did not murder you in the womb. They gave you life and Life is a gift. And if they gave the gift of life to you, then they have given you something profound.

So be grateful.

For that.

Second if it had not been For the circumstances of your childhood You would not have ever bent the knee and come to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. In God's providence. That which was meant for evil God meant for good.

The difficulty of your upbringing the the painful memories are part of God's Grace to you to bring you to salvation. You did not become a Christian despite your background. You became a Christian because of the grace of God extended to you in your background.

And that way of thinking Makes all the difference in the world. All the difference in the world. Does it mean they didn't do wrong by you? No, it's not meaning that at all. What it means is God was doing something in that.

And what he was doing is he was redeeming you. Redeeming you. And if you can grab a hold of that that is a practical application of Romans 8 28. If you can grab a hold of that it will change your perspective and You can be grateful Grateful to God for what he has done.

And saving you. Honor your parents by esteeming them publicly and privately. By esteeming them publicly and privately. Respect their need to see that they have made an impact on your life for good and give them credit where you can.

Look to see where their impact on you did was evident in good and and give him credit.

Thank them.

Thank them for what they have taught you. Oh, maybe you're maybe you're the kind where my father was never satisfied. He was always wanting more and more and more from me. Was that right? No. But did he teach you to work in the process?

Yeah, I did. Be thankful. Thank him for it. Thinking for it and related. Seek their wisdom. Seek the wisdom of your parents. Even though in the end you may choose not to take it. Honor them. By recognizing they have lived longer than you and run your major life decisions by them.

Call them up and say hey dad. I'm thinking about this and that and the other thing. What would you think about that and listen to what they have to say? You don't have to do it. It may be completely wrong but they have lived longer than you and.

Maybe there's something they're gonna say to you that might be helpful. Honor them. Honor them. Don't discard them. Hey, you know, I only needed you for a while, but I don't you know more. I'm always I'm way smarter than you.

It's amazing actually. How dumb our parents get? Or are when when we're 13 and how smart they get by the time we're 25. They've lived longer than you. Support them. Support your parents through expressions of love and care.

This is the way to honor them. Support them through expressions of love and care. Call them on the phone. Call them up. Send them a note. Send them a birthday card. Visit them. Remember them. You're not gonna have them forever.

Don't waste it. Honor them because in honoring them you honor God. Set a reminder on your phone. Call your mother on her birthday. It can't be that hard and send her something. Send her something. Oh.

Be patient with them. Here's another one. Be patient with them. It's a way to honor your father and your mother. Be patient with them. What does that mean? Well, how about this. Listen respectfully to their old stories?

Listen. Respectfully to their old story. Yeah, but he tells the same story every time.