8. Confession of Sin

Confession, Repentance, and the Core of Biblical Counseling

Okay, we're continuing in our series on biblical counseling and tonight's session is on confession of sin. Just to review a little bit, we started off with an introduction to biblical counseling. Then we saw that there's a crisis in counseling.

Then we looked at the role of the Holy Spirit in counseling. And we did a two-parter on what is euthetic counseling. Then we did two parts on directive versus non-directive counseling. And so tonight we come to an introduction on confession of sin.

The core of biblical counseling, if you boil it all down and get right to the nitty-gritty, there's several things that are essential for it to be biblical counseling. One is repentance. Two is confession.

And three is the forsaking of sin. And these practices open the way to spiritual, mental, and physical health. Just look at them. Obviously, repentance is turning from sin. Confession is admitting and agreeing with the offenses that you've committed and then actually turning around and forsaking of sin.

So if you look at it from that perspective, this session is of major importance because it gets right to the nitty-gritty, right to the heart of what is considered to be biblical counseling. The thesis for this session is Proverbs 28, 13.

He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion. You can see how that is important. Without confession and your concealing sin, there are all kinds of problems that occur.

There's ramifications for concealing sin. And it's just given in very general terms here that concealing transgressions, he who does that will not prosper. So according for scripture, the remedy for sin is confession and forsaking, which are the two hallmarks.

And the book of Proverbs shows three results. Now, these are not the only results, but these are the ones that are highlighted in the book of Proverbs. Misery, defeat, and ruin. You can find those. That's a consistent theme through the book of Proverbs.

If you're hiding your sin, if you're not confessing it, those are the results that you're going to wind up with. So confession and turning from sin brings pardon and relief. So you can see it's, again, Christianity is a religion of antithesis.

There's one way and then the other way. There's no neutrality, no middle ground. And you can see that the results are quite striking in contrast. The book of James also teaches that sin can cause physical illness.

Remember in James chapter 5, James directed the sick to call for the elders of the church. So this is an important point. The church is also concerned for those who are physically sick. Yes, we're concerned.

The priority is the spiritual health of the individual. But we're also concerned for those who are physically sick. And as we go through this session, you'll see there's some very good reasons why. At the heart, because all sickness is ultimately a result of Adam's sin.

If Adam didn't sin, there would not be disease. That all came as part of the curse. So when we say a result of Adam's sin, we're not saying that all sickness is a result of the individual's sin. But it all stems back to Adam's sin.

You understand the distinction that we're making? So with that in mind, then prayer and medicine are both legitimate and should be explored for the physically ill. And we're going to get into that a little bit more.

If a physically ill person has committed sin, then confession and repentance must be sought after. And again, reconciliation is the ultimate goal. But there is another possibility as a cause for sickness, for the glory of God.

What do we mean by that? If you remember, if you go to the book of Job, Job's afflictions were not a result of his sin, but for God to demonstrate something to the world. The author of Job is meticulous about letting us know that even in the midst of all the affliction, Job didn't sin.

And in fact, God called him blameless and upright. So just because somebody's sin is sick, you can't put, oh, you've got to be in great sin. That's what Job's friends did, and they were chastised by God for their lack of understanding.

We see the same thing in John chapter 9, the man who was born blind. He wasn't born blind because of any sin, neither his nor his parents, but for the glory of God, that God would be glorified in the healing.

And that man, I mean, if you think about it, here's this blind guy, and we're still talking about him 2 ,000 years later. However, that being said, God does use sickness to chastise Christians for their sin.

And the text of 1 Corinthians 11 .30, that's the Lord's Supper. Remember, the church in Corinth was abusing the Lord's Supper, and the apostle says, whenever you are weak and sick, and some have fallen asleep.

So illness is not just a simple matter, and it needs to be explored. And it can't be too quick to jump in just because somebody's sick, say either, oh, this is sick for the glory of God, or it just happens.

No, we want to explore, especially if there's a possibility that sin is at its heart. So if a person is sick then because of sin, then biblical confrontation is, in fact, appropriate. So the next headline is confessing to others.

Confessing Sin to God and to Those Offended

Now, first and foremost, sin must always be confessed to God. But when the person has offended another person, confession and forgiveness are necessary with that person as well. So again, all sin is committed against God.

It doesn't matter what it is. If it's a sin, it's committed against God. But while you're sinning against God, you can offend another person. And when that takes place, then you need to reconcile with the brother or sister that you've offended as well.

If you go to Luke 15, there's a parable of the prodigal son. He confessed to both God and to his father. And the prodigal son is an excellent example of biblical confrontation and biblical repentance.

And we see five results of the heart change. Remember, the prodigal son's heart was quickened while he was still in the pig pen. And when he came to himself, in other words, he was no longer deluded but was able to see.

You see five results, and these are instructive for us. Firstly, he made a wise decision followed by right actions. The decision-making is colored by sin. Once he came to Christ, he was able to make a wise decision.

But the important thing is he followed it up by doing the right thing. It's one thing to merely say, oh, you know, I didn't mean to do that. No, it has to be followed by right actions. Secondly, he acknowledged his sin before God and man.

He didn't try to hide it. He didn't even try to reconcile in a corner somewhere. What he did, his sin was public because he had forsaken, left his household, apparently very prosperous family. And so his reconciliation and his repentance was also public.

Then he sought to correct the wrongs, which is, again, a part of biblical reconciliation, maybe, depending on the sin, restitution, and making right the things that you did that were wrong. And he did that by confronting the person he wronged, namely his father.

And the last part, the last result here, or the last decision that he made, it may sound a little funny at first, but it's very important. He prepared for the confrontation. He rehearsed. If you remember reading the text, he says, I will go to my father and I will say.

And he's rehearsing to himself. That's an important point. If you're ever in a position where you have to go and confess sin to somebody, somebody that you've offended, it's always good to rehearse what you're going to say so that you're saying what you really mean to say.

Sometimes in emotional situations, we can lose our train of thought and say something that we didn't mean to say. All right. Does that make sense? The prodigal son rehearsed what he was going to say. So if you're ever in a position where you're counseling a person who's going to confront, you can actually help him and give him some suggestions on how to say what he needs to say and what besides the words of what to say.

However, a little caveat. It must be taken that the person doesn't merely recite the words from the counselor. It's got to come from the individual, but you can assist in that process. And when confessing of sin and asking for forgiveness, the following question should be asked and answered.

Will you forgive me? Forgiveness is more than just being sorry. It's more than just having even a godly sorrow. You are, in fact, requesting forgiveness. And the person who is the offended party must then grant.

And whenever I've been involved in something like this, I ask the people to say, are you asking for forgiveness? And they say, yes. Well, go ahead and ask for it then. And so they ask for forgiveness.

And then the other person shouldn't merely say, well, that's okay. No, it's not okay. That's why they're asking for forgiveness. So the other person should say, yes, I forgive you. It doesn't have to be exactly those words, but the essence of those words should be in it.

Do you follow that? Because too often we say, oh, no, it's okay. Don't worry about it. No. Because if a person needs forgiveness, it's up to us to grant forgiveness or request it, depending on our circumstances.

And the reason for that is because sin should never be minimized. It's never like, oh, are you sinning against me? That's okay. Sin should never be minimized. And the other person may avoid granting forgiveness.

So that's why we want to make sure that the proper wording is used. The offender can ask the offended party for help as a sign of good faith. Like if somebody has done something wrong, let's say it's using unkind language towards a person.

When he comes and asks for forgiveness, he can then say, listen, would you do me a favor? I have a problem with this. If you hear me being unkind, would you let me know? Would you help me? That's what I'm talking about.

And that will also help the relationship. You find that? See that? Yeah? This means yes. This means no. This means I don't know. Okay? Now, I know somebody's going to do that at some point. I know you guys.

And one of the reasons we do that is because the offender may truly need help in breaking old patterns and establishing new biblical ones. And that's what we want to do. We want to come alongside. Remember, as a counselor, we are paracletos.

We are to come alongside. We are comforters. The offender may also need help in working out a new relationship with his brother now that they've been reconciled. That can be awkward, you know, for a little while.

And so if there's a relationship being built and you have dialogue back and forth, and even somebody assisting, that can all help to establish a new relationship. It's also important that each person understands what biblical forgiveness is.

And so I'm just going to go through a little bit of what is biblical forgiveness. We are commanded to forgive like God forgives us. That's Matthew 18. You know, we must. That's the command of scripture.

We must forgive. Remember the story of the unfaithful servant. All right? And he suffered dire consequences. So if we're supposed to forgive like God forgives us, we need to ask and answer this question.

How does God forgive us? Jeremiah 31, 34. They will not teach again each man. This obviously is the description of the new covenant. They will not teach again each man his neighbor and each man his brother, saying, Know the Lord, for they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, declares the Lord.

And then here's the relevant portion. For I will forgive their iniquity and their sin. I will remember no more. Now, obviously, God doesn't forget anything. So this is legal terminology, meaning I will remember it against them no more.

That's the promise we have in the new covenant, is when we confess our sin and God forgives us, he will not hold that sin against us ever again. And we are to forgive like God. So that means the person forgiving, who is the offended party, is promising not to hold the offense against the offender.

That's the importance of asking for forgiveness and then granting of forgiveness. In fact, there's an implied threefold promise in granting forgiveness. So if somebody offends you and they come and they say, Will you forgive me?

And you say, Yes, I forgive you. Implicit in that is a threefold promise. First part of the promise is not to bring the offense up to the offender again. You don't have to worry about it. Once you've granted forgiveness, it's put aside and you don't bring it up again.

You're not commanded to forget because it doesn't matter if you forget it or not. You just can't bring it up again. But it's also a command not to bring the offense up to other people. You don't walk around and say, Oh, you know, Charlie offended me.

This is what he did to me, but I forgave him. That's self-deception. It's exalting the self. And the third thing is not to bring it up to yourself again. That's the hardest part. You can't walk around and stew in it.

I forgave him, but inside I'm still angry. Then you really haven't forgiven and you violated your promise. Something's coming. Important note. Forgiveness is granted when it's asked for, not for future obedience.

When somebody comes and asks for forgiveness, you can't say, Well, I'm going to wait and see if you really don't do this again. No, when you're asked for forgiveness, you must grant forgiveness because that's what God does to us.

Psychosomatic Illness, Psalm 32, and the Physical Effects of Sin

That's why I gave it the red star because that's also hard. We're going to talk a little bit about psychosomatic illnesses. You may say that's kind of funny right in the middle of confession of sin, but it's relevant.

Firstly, what do we mean by psychosomatic illness? Usually people use it as, Well, he's not really sick. It's all psychosomatic. But that's not really what psychosomatic is. Psychosomatic illness, according to the dictionary, it's a physical illness or condition caused or aggravated by a mental factor such as internal conflict or stress or relating to the interaction of mind and body.

What psychosomatic illness means is your body and mind are so connected that things that bother you in your mind can actually have physical manifestations. There are people who have developed temperatures strictly because of stress.

There's all kinds of medical documentation stating that this is really true. People can work themselves up in such a frenzy in their mind that they actually then have symptoms of diseases that they don't really have.

That's what a psychosomatic illness is. Psalm 32 discusses this. How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity and in his spirit is no deceit.

This is what David says. When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away. Through my groaning all day long, for day and night your hand was heavy upon me. My vitality was drained away as the fever heat of summer.

Just look at how that's described. When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away. My vitality was drained. It's serious. That's why it's so important that we have clear consciences, that we are right before God because if we don't, it can actually affect our physical well-being as well.

I acknowledge my sin to you and my iniquity I did not hide. I said I will confess my transgressions to the Lord and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you on the time when you may be found.

Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him. You are my hiding place. You preserve me from trouble. You surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go.

I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Do not be as the horse or the mule which have no understanding, whose trappings include bit and bridle and to hold them in check. Otherwise they will not come near to you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but he who trusts in the Lord, loving kindness shall surround him. Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous ones, and shout for joy all you who are upright in heart.".

Now that's an important psalm in dealing with this whole issue of confession of sin. The sin-connected illness that David experienced was the result of psychosomatic effects, and David felt it. David was describing depression in that psalm, and the effects of his anxiety were evidenced upon his body.

Vitality was wasted away like a summer fever. Just look at his description. My body wasted away, groaning all day long. My vitality was drained away. His sin was so heavy upon his heart that it affected him in a physical way.

I repeat, the sin-connected illness David experienced was the result of psychosomatic effects. I'll bear repeating. Remember, illness can come from three sources, and this is something that we always want to keep in mind so that you're not chasing the rabbit trail.

It can be physical or organic, a virus or a physical injury. It can be sin. We've seen that sin can affect your physical well-being and the effects of the mind. People can actually talk themselves into being sick, and it's the counselor's job if somebody is sick to find out and explore.

That's why you've heard me say this when somebody comes to me for counseling, specifically for depression, I always ask them when was the last time they had a medical exam because you don't want to be looking for sin or something like that if the problem is hormonal or there's an infection in the body.

An important point, most people know why they are in trouble even if at first they deny it. And this is when you get more comfortable with counseling, you'll see that this is really true. Somebody will come in, you know, they're feeling better.

I don't know why I'm depressed. You know, I just am. And after you talk to them for a while, it comes out they really know. Not all the time, but most people. Many people have been taught that sin has no relationship to depression, and that's something that you're going to have to overcome as well if you're dealing with somebody who is depressed.

They need to be taught that feelings flow from actions. A guilty conscience leads to fear, but a good conscience leads to boldness. That again comes from the Proverbs. The Psalms are an important and beneficial tool in counseling, in particular depression, because David describes depression numerous times throughout the Psalms and then what the remedy is.

In particular, Psalm 51, 38, 32, all speak of anxiety, depression, physical distress, and emotional, visceral responses. And Psalm 51, in particular, is an excellent example of true repentance. That's where David confesses to the Lord his sin with Bathsheba.

And David acknowledged that hiding sin causes distress of both body and soul. Psalm 32 shows the confession of sin brings relief and happiness. So you see both sides. Confession comes when a person begins to see himself as God sees him.

That is such an important point. In fact, I'm going to be addressing this on Sunday morning in the sermon. How important it is that we see ourselves as God sees us and not as somebody who is of infinite worth and building up my self-esteem.

Confession is pleading guilty to charges brought by one's conscience. You can see how true that is. That's why somebody who has seared their conscience over is such a danger to himself and to others because his conscience has no effect any longer.

It's seared over. Confession is acknowledging that God is right and we are wrong. David acknowledged in Psalm 51 that he had lost the joy of salvation. That's probably one of the biggest tragedies of somebody who is hiding sin because somebody who has been redeemed and yet they're hiding sin lose that joy that you have knowing that you have this relationship with our Savior.

You can usually pick this up. Somebody starts absenting themselves from church, from the body in other ways, no longer reading the scriptures, just losing that joy of salvation. Confession comes when a person begins to see himself as God sees him.

People who come for counseling are seeking that joy of forgiveness. When somebody finally does come for counseling, it's usually because they know that there's something spiritually wrong and they're looking to have that rectified.

Another important verse in counseling is 1 John 1 .9. We use that all the time Sunday morning. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The story of David in Bathsheba is an important study in the effects of sin and the importance of repentance. Now here's the upshot. Even though David repented and was forgiven of his sin, there were still temporal consequences.

For David, David's primary sin was rebellion against God and consequently he had rebellious children. There are at least four temporal consequences of David's sin and this is right from the scriptures.

Physical illness, remember David was physically ill. The baby of his in Bathsheba, the baby died. Remember David fasted and was praying but the baby died. Amnon attacked his sister and then Amnon is murdered by Absalom.

All in scripture related to David's sin. You can see that how would that play out today? Let's say somebody falls into sin, into drug use and they contract a disease from the needle, AIDS, HIV, something like that.

They come to faith, they're forgiven of their sin but those temporal consequences are not necessarily taken away.

Yes? No, it's interesting because when my cousin and I were discussing, even though we didn't even know, faith just like sin.

Yeah, and that's true. I mean we see that familial ties and familial consequences from parents who live in sin and don't rectify that. In David's situation, God used Nathan the prophet to confront David biblically and this is what he says to him.

Thus says the Lord, behold, I will raise up evil against you from your own household. I will even take your wives before your eyes and give them to your companion and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight.

Indeed you did it secretly but I will do this thing before all Israel and under the sun. God takes sin seriously and we should too. Proverbs 3 revisited, my son do not forget my teaching but let your heart keep my commandments.

Now notice, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not be wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord, turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones.

Now if you go through the scriptures, especially Psalms and Proverbs, you will see wording like this throughout relating how sin affects physically and that's the main purpose of this whole section on psychosomatic illness.

Turning away from evil and fearing the Lord affects your physical condition. It brings healing and refreshment. A guilty conscience is a body breaking load while a good conscience leads to health and long life.

So you can conclude something like this. In large measure bodily welfare stems from the condition of the soul. What about after restoration? The person restored through forgiveness should then counsel others.

We get that from the example of David in Psalm 51. David longed to tell others. Look at what he said. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways and sinners will be converted to you.

There's nothing like if somebody is in a particular sin, somebody who has been there and then has been confessed and restored through repentance to come alongside and say, listen, let me talk to you, let me encourage you.

Natural response of forgiveness is to help others by sharing your own experience. And specifically this can be done by counseling those in trouble. Any questions? What do you think of the baby's death?

The only answer I really have for that is God knows what he's doing. What else can you say? We all would like to have a happy ending and see that the baby was fine, but it wasn't in God's will. And I'm sure there's a reason for it.

Well, let me say this too. You have the baby dying. David understood because as soon as the baby died, he got up and washed, started eating. He did have another baby with Bathsheba who was Solomon. So there you see consequences, and yet you see forgiveness.

There is restoration as well. And I think because David, why was the consequences so severe? Because David was the king, and he had a responsibility, and he caused a lot of problems in the kingdom for that reason.

Yes? Do you think there's any possibility that it—.

I hadn't thought of it in that realm. I'd have to give that some thought. Any others?