Jeff Durbin: Soft and Gentle Tongues

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If you would, please open your Bibles to Proverbs chapter 15, book of God's wisdom,

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Proverbs 15. We're in our series, Wisdom from Above. Proverbs chapter 15, hear now the word of the living and the true

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God. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

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The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.

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The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.

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A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

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Thus far as the reading of God's holy and inspired word, let's pray together as God's people. Father, thank you that you love your children.

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Thank you that you're the unchanging God. Thank you that you have a love and a faithfulness that endures forever.

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We thank you, Father, for your mercies that are new every morning. And Lord Jesus, most of all, we thank you for your perfect life, your righteousness, your death on our behalf, your resurrection from the dead.

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Lord, we trust in you. We thank you for the gift of eternal life. And God, we thank you for the gift of your word and these specific words of wisdom from you.

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Lord, set a guard over our mouths. May we,

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Lord, hate injustice and unrighteousness with our mouths.

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Lord, heal our hearts, renew our minds, bless our mouths and tongues. Lord, let light shine from this body and all who hear this message that belong to you in such a way that it dispels darkness, glorifies your name.

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We pray, God, that you would guide today by your spirit and your word, that it would not be the words of a mere man who's unworthy to be speaking it, but it'd be the words of your spirit,

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God, and the transformation would come from you. We pray that in Jesus' name, amen. Wisdom from above.

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So much in this glorious book, this revelation from God has to do with the tools that God has given to us.

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Our eyes, our tongues, our mouths, our hands, our feet. And so much has been given in scripture regarding our mouths that really we could preach until most of us go to be taken home with the

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Lord of old age. We could preach on the subject of what scripture says about our mouths and our tongues, what comes out of us, the things that actually defile us.

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And it's interesting because oftentimes we can think about the beginning of our relationship with God.

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We think about growing in the knowledge of God, the things we want to know about him, what's he like?

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And so we do what we ought to do and that's study the character of God. We study his attributes. We wanna know about God. We've studied things like the

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Trinity, the deity of Christ, justification by faith, all very, very important things.

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And you ought to know, and we ought to know what God says about those things. But this study, this study of wisdom is vital because God shows concern in scripture not only for our salvation, but our sanctification, not only about redeeming us, but actually saving the whole person, transforming us, renewing us, making us like Jesus.

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And Jesus is of course God incarnate, but Jesus is also, he can be described as the embodiment of wisdom.

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What is God like? If God were among us, what would he speak like? How would he talk to others?

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How would he live in the world? How would he be in terms of justice? What does righteousness look like?

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What does wisdom look like when wisdom is incarnate and walking among us? And so much in the book of Proverbs is about how we interact with the world with our mouths.

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There's stuff here about discord and slander and gossip, and so much here about how we use this tool right here in our mouths, our tongues.

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The wisdom of God regarding our mouths is something that all of us have to spend more and more time studying and learning and growing and repenting of, confessing, acknowledging before God.

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Scripture here says, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

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Here it is. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly, foolishness.

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It's gushing out of them. See again, the eyes, the tongue, the mouth, the hands, the feet.

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Scripture talks about our eyes as the tool, the tongue here as the tool, the tongue of the wise commends knowledge, the mouth here again in verse two, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.

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Scripture talks about our hands sinning. Jesus says it, right? He says, if your eye caused you to sin, do what with it?

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Pluck it out, cast it from you. If your hand caused you to sin, what do you do with it? Cut it off and cast it from you.

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Not literally, we know that those things aren't actually the source or the cause of the sin, but it's deeper within us.

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And of course we have that famous verse in Romans about our feet. Their feet are swift to do what?

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Shed blood. So scripture talks about these things with our bodies as tools.

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And we need to consider, as you look at a passage like this, you need to dig deep and consider what is my mouth like?

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What is my tongue like? It's a tool. And I was reflecting on this as I was preparing for a meditating on this passage and asking

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God to please bless his sheep here at Apologia with something that would transform us. I was thinking about this issue of the tool and I was thinking this may be the way,

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I hope it's the way it is in your own house, men. I was thinking about my family.

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My children have been raised around weapons. And of course you have the standard martial arts weapons in my home.

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You've got what I used in competition and Ninja Turtles and the bow staff.

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And those things don't seem overly threatening, but trust me, they are. My kids have, my little boys,

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I've given nunchucks to as soon as they can hold it in their hands and spin it around. And they've hit themselves in the head more times than they've been effective with it, but that's how you learn to do the nunchucks.

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And so my kids have been around martial arts tools, those kinds of things, scythes, broad swords, katana blades, those things.

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But also I think really today, the ultimate tool, my children and my family has been raised around guns.

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Guns, tools. And I've taught my children, and I hope you have too, to respect this tool and to, in some sense, be kind of terrified of it.

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As young as I can start introducing them to the weapon, to the tool, I try to convince them to be afraid to touch this thing.

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To understand that this thing is a blessing in a certain context. It is a gift in a certain context.

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It is something that can actually save in a certain context. It is something that can feed and provide for you in a certain context.

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But it is also a deadly, deadly, dangerous, dangerous tool.

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And so I've trained my children to respect it. And I think, and you probably have experienced this when you teach your children to shoot a weapon.

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It's one of the great experiences I have to settle my own heart as a father that they're gonna understand this thing is actually scary.

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I remember the first time I took my first son, Sage, to go shoot at a shooting range.

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The fear in his eyes when he pulled the trigger for the first time.

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The shock to his system when he pulled the trigger for the very first time. I'll never forget that moment.

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That has burned into my memory as I was watching him pull the trigger and the loud noise and the gun popping back.

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The fear in his eyes. His hands were shaking. He immediately respected this tool and understood it as something that, of course, is a good tool, can be used for good, but it is terrifying.

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This thing can cause damage. It can kill. It can maim. So raising our children to see this tool as something that is a tool to save.

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It is a tool to literally destroy. It is a tool that actually can provide.

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I was also reflecting on my granddaughter, Eve. She's so sweet.

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This little, sweet, tiny, little, dainty, little, red -headed, beautiful girl. So much energy.

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It reminds me so much of her mother. It's like a repeat. It's like deja vu looking at her running around the house.

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She's so sweet. So I'm coming into the kitchen one day and as I'm walking into the kitchen, this tiny, little,

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I think maybe three -year -old girl comes running out of the kitchen, turns the corner super fast, running out of the kitchen with a massive, sharp butcher knife.

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Running around it like with this, out, like this. Turned the corner, almost pierced me, right?

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Now, the interesting thing about that is that I, of course, beat her. No, I'm just joking. That didn't happen, okay?

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The situation you're in like that is you want to get down to their level and explain to them, this thing is so dangerous.

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It will harm you. This will cut you. This will make you bleed. But I understand how she viewed it.

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It's a tool that was a blessing to her for whatever she was trying to cut in the next room.

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She realized, I can't tear this apart. What will work? Oh, this sharp instrument will be a blessing.

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I will accomplish all that I want. She didn't see the terrifying nature of the tool and so she just ran around the house wielding it.

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And so, of course, when I said to her, I was like, Eve, you can't just run around with that.

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You have to respect that tool as something that, yes, is a blessing, but it is also devastating.

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It can, devastating. You have to acknowledge its danger. And that's what we teach our children when it comes to certain tools, whether it's a gun, a firearm, or if it's a pair of scissors, or if it's a knife, a butcher knife, we teach our children to acknowledge the potential danger of the tool itself.

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The tool is and can be dangerous. And I think if we're gonna grow in our wisdom as God's people, as people who have been saved by Christ, we need to take more seriously our mouths and our tongues.

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You consider passages in Proverbs over and over again warning us about the danger of our mouths, the danger of our tongues.

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We need, I believe, looking through the lens of Scripture to view our own mouths and tongues in the same way that we view that butcher knife from the drawer.

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And I think oftentimes we do not act like that as God's people. You can see it in our basic conversation, in our speech, in our small huddles with other believers, where nobody else really is watching how quick we are to say horrible things with our mouths, how we have sharp tongues, or I think even more obvious you can see is on social media today.

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Oftentimes we act on social media like what we do with our fingers and what we say and the social media atmosphere has no real consequences.

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We can be abusive. We can run around like fools. We can be people on social media who act like we have all this theological understanding.

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We know things about God. We can instruct others. We understand this book or elements of this book, but it's what we do and say that pours forth from our hearts and our mouths and ultimately our fingertips that demonstrates whether or not we are really wise people if we actually know

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God. You wanna show me the depth of your love for God and your understanding about God?

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You wanna show me how holy you actually are and how righteous you are? Show me with your mouth.

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Show me with consistency with your tongue. Scripture is constantly pointing us to this and just to demonstrate this as a consistent theme and pattern throughout the scriptures, go to your

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Bibles to Matthew chapter 15. Here's the Lord Jesus. Matthew chapter 15, one of my favorite passages, so much can be said about it.

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This is that well -known section where Jesus is confronting the religious leaders of his day who are setting up standards, man -made traditions that conflict with God's own law.

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They're hypocrites and God here, Jesus, confronts their hypocrisy and shows them that actually it is your tradition that is making void the very word of God.

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So there's the context, but in Matthew chapter 15 in verse 10, after that scene where Jesus confronts them over their man -made tradition, the text says, and he called the people to him and said to them, hear and understand.

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It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a person.

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Then the disciples came and said to him, do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?

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Note that by the way, Jesus says something that is harsh, strong, that offends, that's not sinful.

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He answered every plant that my heavenly father has not planted will be rooted up. Let them alone, they are blind guides.

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And if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit. But Peter said to him, explain the parable to us.

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And he said, are you also still without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled?

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But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart. And this defiles a person, for out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.

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These are what defile a person, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone. In other words, your religious externals are not impressive to God.

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It's not even real, you can toss it all out. For the Lord Jesus, he demonstrates that God actually cares about real righteousness, real holiness, real justice, real love for neighbor.

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And Jesus is confronting the fact that they wanna look all right on the outside. And Jesus is saying, no, the sin is inside you.

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This is where it begins. And then it comes out of you, pouring forth from what?

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A sick heart. This is where it begins. It's of course, as believers, as we reflect on God's wisdom about our mouths and our tongues, we have to consider, okay, first, what's the root cause?

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It's my heart that is broken. It's my heart that is off.

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It is my heart that I have to deal with that internal sin within me. Confess it, confront it, put it to death.

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If that sin is dealt with internally, then the mouth has nothing to pour forth.

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And so Jesus is showing us what real wisdom looks like. It looks like dealing with what's inside of you, because what's inside of you ultimately comes out of you, it pours out of you.

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So Jesus is telling us that it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles the person.

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Such a serious sin, our mouths, or what comes from our mouths and our tongues, we need to pray what the

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Psalmist prays. Go to Psalm 141, verse three. Psalm 141, verse three.

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Let this be one of our life verses. Psalm 141, verse three.

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Text says, set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth.

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Keep watch over the door of my lips. Set a guard,

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O Lord, over my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips. Your mouth and my mouth will set the world on fire.

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It's gonna bless, it's gonna heal, or it's gonna wound and destroy.

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So Lord, set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth. Keep a watch over the door over my lips.

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Of course, again, to demonstrate this is thematic, it is something that God is constantly impressing upon us in his word, our mouths, our tongues.

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Guard my mouth, James chapter three. Go there, if you don't know this passage, get to know it.

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It's very convicting, very challenging. I think any of us can recognize at some point or another, we fail in this area of our mouths and tongues and let this be a place that we are anchored to deal with our own sin and to take this tool so seriously.

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James chapter three, starting at verse two, after warning about not many becoming teachers, it says, for we all stumble in many ways, amen.

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And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.

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If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.

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Small bit, guide the horse. Look at the ships also, though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder, wherever the will of the pilot directs.

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So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.

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How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire.

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And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. I can feel the way to that in the last couple of weeks, right?

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I mean, just the tremendous gift of social media and this technology, it can be used for, it's again, it's a tool that can be used for good things, it can be used for bad things, and in a sinful world, it goes both ways.

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But one of the benefits is to see the fires that broke out in California and to watch people live streaming it and to see it all take place right in front of you live from all parts of the world, you're watching what's taking place.

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I saw a video come up this week and it was a family that turned their camera on and just ran out their front door.

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And all they were saying was, oh no, oh no, oh no. They were saying, please, God, Jesus, help us.

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And it was interesting because it was right out their front door and you didn't see any fire, there was really nothing, no smoke, no fire, no nothing.

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But just off in the distance, maybe two or three miles away, don't know exactly because it's on video, two or three miles away, you saw just this little fire beginning kind of on a mountain, not far away, but they knew what that meant.

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That little fire was gonna set ablaze everything around them. Nothing could stop this thing.

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And so as the time progresses in this video, you see it go from this little tiny fire off in the distance to you see these little specks, little hot specks floating around the neighborhood and those teeny tiny little hot specks start to set the entire neighborhood ablaze.

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And then of course, you all know the result of all of that is so many lives have been devastated and so many homes have been absolutely destroyed.

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It looks apocalyptic, but what was it from? Such a small thing, such a small fire.

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And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life and set on fire by hell.

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For every kind of beast and bird of reptile and sea creature can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue.

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It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. And here it is, the two lanes, right?

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With it we bless our Lord and father and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.

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From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

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Does a spring pour forth from the same opening, both fresh and salt water?

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Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives or a grapevine produce figs?

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Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. Who is wise and understanding among you?

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Here it is, who's wise? Not who's theologically the best, who knows the most things.

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Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct, let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom, of wisdom.

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Scripture confronts us at every turn regarding our mouths and our tongues.

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One final verse from the New Testament, go to Colossians chapter four. Colossians chapter four, you've heard this before, but here's a

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New Testament verse that sounds just like Proverbs 15, one, Proverbs 15, one.

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This is Colossians four, starting with verse five. Here it is, watch the word again.

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Walk in, what, walk in what? Wisdom, we need to be wise people, brothers and sisters.

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Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.

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Let your speech always, let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt so that you may know how you want to answer each person.

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Again, this is just on repeat over and over and over again, God concerned with not just our theological knowledge, not just how we can talk about God, but how you live matters to God.

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And that's what's so glorious about the life of the Lord Jesus. When you read those narratives, you're reading someone that is not just giving you theological knowledge, he's not just speaking in abstractions, he's actually demonstrating to you what wisdom is like, what is the image of God supposed to be like, how do we reflect the glory and the righteousness and the character of God?

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But here is the challenge, are you ready? Proverbs 15, verse one, the text says, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

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Here's the problem, it's the problem of imbalance. It's the problem of not recognizing categories.

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Oftentimes you might have a believer who loves the Lord, wants to obey his word, they see the text before them, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

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And so they say, okay, here's what I need to be like, I need to always have the soft answers, I can never speak a harsh word.

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And so they try to put a big smile on their face to lower the tone constantly, big smile, bright eyes, and always speak to people in a soft, soft way.

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Why? Because a soft answer turns away wrath. There's the biblical principle and the answer is, absolutely, yes, but there's a problem of imbalance.

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Because if you take a text like this to mean that as a Christian you can never confront evil in a harsh way, that you can never speak hard words or serrated edges, you can never let that come forth from your mouth, then what's gonna happen is you're gonna end up creating a standard that makes

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God and his righteous prophets looking like they are sinning. It's the problem of imbalance.

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When I think about this problem of imbalance, I'm remembering a story that's something that happened to me while I was in Nashville.

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I believe we were in Nashville for the vote when they were, the Southern Baptist Convention was voting on the issue of abolition for the

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Southern Baptist Convention. And so I was there for the vote and to support the guys that were there that got this thing in.

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And so I remember I was walking into the convention center, ginormous place. It must've been 20, 30 ,000 people there in attendance.

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So people are everywhere. And so I'm on the street about to walk in and this gentleman walks up to me and he says,

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Pastor Jeff. I said, yes. And he said, hey, I really wanna thank you for your ministry.

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It's been a blessing to me to see all the evangelism. It's been an encouragement. I said, oh, praise the Lord. I'm glad God's using it in your life.

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I'm so thankful that he's using it. And he goes, but I got a bone to pick with you. And I'm like, oh boy.

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I just wanted to go to the conference. You got a bone to pick with you. By the way, it's something that'll happen.

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I got a bone to pick with you. And this is the most common. People will walk up and say, Pastor Jeff, just a 30 second question.

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Liar. There are no 30 second questions, right? That's, it doesn't add.

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So when people say that, I just go, mm -hmm, yeah. But he walks in and he's like, I got a bone to pick with you. I said, okay, all right, that's fine.

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What is it? He says, I got a problem with you and your cigars and your drinking.

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To which I say, I don't even like cigars. I can't even remember the last time I actually smoked a cigar.

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They make your mouth taste like an ashtray for two days. But I have been known to have one to celebrate on occasion.

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So he was like, you're abusing cigars. I was like, when's the last time I had a cigar? He was like, well,

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I don't know, but I've, I heard you smoke them sometimes. Okay, but it's the drinking thing.

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I said, well, do you know where Apologia Church started? Oh, no. Do you know how this church came to be?

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No, do you realize that it was because I was the chaplain at a drug and alcohol rehab facility and the church began because people were getting freed from drunkenness and addiction to drugs and all the rest, that they came to Christ out of that and that's where it came from.

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And I'm the pastor over that. And he was like, well, no, I didn't know that, but I don't like the fact that you would say that drinking is not a sin.

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And so I said, okay, let's test this. I said, is drunkenness a sin?

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He says, yes. I said, I agree with you. I said, I would go so far as to say that drunkenness is a wicked sin that will send you to hell forever.

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Agreed? He said, yes. I said, okay. I said, is drinking a sin?

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Is alcohol a sin? And he was like, well, yeah, I think so. I said, so what you've done,

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I wanna encourage you to see this, is because you've set up an unbiblical standard that is imbalanced, you are making scripture look like it contradicts itself and you're making

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God look like he is sinning. It's the problem of imbalance. And what do I mean by that?

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What I tried to demonstrate to him is that while scripture says that drunkenness is a sin and it is a sin, it is a sin we will all confront.

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Amen? Well, two of you said yes. Guys. Okay. We need to change the nature of the sermon today.

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We're gonna go somewhere else. Okay. Drunkenness is a sin that will send you to hell. Amen? It is a sin that we will always confront.

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Amen? Does scripture talk about it that way? Yes. However, if we're imbalanced and we look at a text that calls drunkenness a sin and a sin that will send you to hell and we set up a standard that says a

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Christian should never drink, we're gonna have a heck of a time dealing with scripture like for example, one of the many places where Jesus in his first public miracle turns water into what?

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And it was not grape juice. It was wine.

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That was what surprised them at the wedding was that Jesus made some delicious high alcohol content wine at a wedding celebration.

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So if we say, well, because drunkenness is a sin and people abuse alcohol, therefore Christians cannot drink alcohol because it is a sin, then we're gonna make

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Jesus look like he's sinning in his first public miracle doing what? Turning water into alcoholic wine at a wedding to celebrate.

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More, we're gonna have a problem with all the texts in scripture that speak glowingly about wine as a blessing, as a gift from God.

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And we're gonna have a worst time dealing with the text like go to Deuteronomy chapter 14.

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This on the subject of imbalance. In Deuteronomy chapter 14, and here's what

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I brought to this gentleman. Starting in verse 22, look what

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God says here in his law. You should tithe all the yield of your seed that comes from the field year by year.

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And before the Lord your God and the place that he will choose to make his name dwell there, you shall eat of the tithe of your grain, of your wine, of your oil, and the firstborn of your herd and the flock that you may learn to fear the

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Lord your God always. And if the way is too long for you so that you are not able to carry the tithe when the

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Lord your God blesses you because the place is too far from you, which the Lord your

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God chooses to set his name there, then you shall turn it into money and bind up the money in your hands and go to the place that the

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Lord your God chooses and spend the money for whatever you desire, oxen or sheep or wine or strong drink.

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Whatever your appetite craves and you shall eat there before the Lord your God and rejoice you and your household.

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Here is God calling his people to come to this celebration and to worship.

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And he's like, you know, you got your wine and the place is too far away and you can't carry it, you know, sell that stuff, turn it into money.

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And then when you get to the place of the celebration and this worship, there you can buy anything you want to celebrate, whether it's the sheep, whatever, whether it's the wine or the strong drink and then worship

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God. Here is God calling his people to worship him and in this celebration, even saying, and celebrate with wine or strong drink.

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And so here's the issue. The problem of imbalance when you're reading the scriptures.

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Somebody could say, well, alcohol is used sinfully, so therefore no one can have alcohol or if you drink alcohol, you're in sin.

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That's gonna be a problem for us every communion, amen? Somebody says, this happens regularly.

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Pastor Jeff, I was visiting the church and I came up and I took communion and to my shock, to my shock, you guys put alcoholic wine in there.

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Why? And my short answer is because Jesus told me to.

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It was Jesus, not Pastor James or Pastor Jeff that told us how to do this.

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And he put wine on the table and he put wine on the table for a reason. And so that's why we have wine.

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And you're like, well, I just don't know. I mean, this is, I don't know what this is gonna do to me. I had a thimble of wine. I don't know,

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I don't know how I'm gonna react or I don't know if I'm gonna get crazy tonight. I'm like, if you think that this thimble of wine is gonna cause you problems, you got bigger problems, my friends.

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And the kids love it. Amen, kids?

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They're like, every Sunday we have a different wine. The kids walk by like, Pastor Jeff, good one this weekend.

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This one had good legs. That's never really happened.

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My point is, is the imbalance in the Christian life. You can read a text in scripture.

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You have to read it in its right category. Wine is a blessing. Alcohol is a blessing. It is also used in a sinful way.

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You can't then set up a standard that begins to make God look like he is sinning.

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If your standard and your piety makes God look like he's sinning, it is your standard that is wrong.

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It is your standard that is wrong, amen? Now I need to lay that down and here's why.

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Because we have to recognize as we're studying God's wisdom and saying, how do we use these tools in a way that blesses and in a way that heals and in a way that is just, we have to recognize you look at a principle like Proverbs chapter 15, verse one, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

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We can't then say that there is never a place for a hard word. There's never a place for a cutting word.

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Otherwise we're gonna set up a standard that makes God look like he is sinning. So we need to think in biblically balanced categories.

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Proverbs 15 one says, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

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When you think in categories, biblical categories, think about Jesus in Matthew chapter 23, just go there quickly.

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Here's the embodiment, the embodiment of wisdom, how we should speak, how we should react to evil, how we should confront evil.

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And here's why I'm bringing this up as you get there. You have a lot of evangelism pastors in the

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West that will not simply speak sharply against evil. They will not condemn evil.

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They will not be prophetic against evil because it's imbalanced.

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Say, well, I wanna speak with seasoned with salt. I wanna speak with grace. I wanna do this.

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And sometimes to be wisdom in this world as an image bearer of God, you need to speak like Jesus.

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Matthew 23, 13, but woe to you. What's that? Woe, a curse on you.

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Condemnation on you. Does that sound harsh? Probably felt harsh. It's not the first time that the religious leaders would have been offended by Jesus.

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We just read it in Matthew 15. They were offended. Disciples like Jesus, did you know that you offended them with what you said?

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Jesus, where's your soft answer to turn away the wrath of the Pharisees and the Sadducees? No, it's the wrong category.

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It's the wrong moment for that. It's the wrong lane for that. Jesus says, woe to you, scribes and Pharisees.

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Hypocrite, you're not real. You're fake. Look, it's a mask. You're only pretending. It's a mask.

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You're on a stage. You're playing for people. You're just playing a part. That's what hypocrite is.

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Hupakrite, you are an actor. It is a mask on your face. For you showed the kingdom of heaven in people's faces.

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For you neither enter yourselves, nor allow those who would enter to go in. They would have been so offended by that. What do you mean

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I don't enter the kingdom of heaven? Jesus is like, you're not going either. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte.

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And when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.

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Woe to you, blind guides, who say if anyone swears by the temple, it's nothing. But if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he's bound by his oath.

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You blind, what's it called? Guides. You blind guides, you blind fools, for which is greater the gold of the temple that has made the gold, or the temple that has made the gold sacred?

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He says in verse 23, woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you tithe mint and dill and cumin and have neglected the weightier matters of the law, justice and mercy and faithfulness.

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Jesus, and here's the devastating one in verse 27, says, woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness.

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So you outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

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Here is Jesus, wisdom incarnate, God incarnate, not deescalating this situation.

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This is Jesus not deescalating. What does this scene demonstrate to us?

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Here is wisdom incarnate in the right moment, in the right context, doing what all of us ought to do in the face of this kind of evil and religious hypocrisy and abuse of other image bearers of God.

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You and I are not to make peace with evil, amen? We don't make peace with evil.

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There's a category and a context here where Jesus is dealing with false teachers and religious hypocrites who are destroying others.

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And so Jesus is not using the soft answer to turn away wrath. He's actually using sharp answers.

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He's using harsh words. And of course, you know, another famous one, let's do it again so we can make sure we have proper categories in front of us.

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We know how to use wisdom in certain contexts. Jesus says in John 8, 44, you are of your father, the devil.

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Oh, we have God as our father. We're Jews. We've got the Torah. We've got the Tanakh. We've got

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God's word. Look at our religiosity. It's even in the way we dress. Everybody knows we worship

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Yahweh. They see the temple. They see how we act. They see all the religious ritual. They see us gathering on Sabbath.

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They know these are the Jews. They love God. And Jesus says, no, actually God's not your father.

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Your father is Satan himself. You're children of the devil. You're not

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God's children. Brothers and sisters, that is not a soft answer. It's not a soft answer.

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But wisdom tells us how to actually live in a glorifying way to God in different realms, different categories, different lanes.

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And Jesus, of course, is the embodiment of wisdom. And you can see him giving the soft answers at times and also other times giving the serrated edge and giving the confronting harsh word.

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Paul in Galatians 1 and 5. You don't need to go there, but just to rehearse this and remind you of this.

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In Galatians chapter 1 and 5, Paul has some very, very strong words. He's not giving a soft answer.

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Why? Because people's souls are at stake. The gospel itself is at stake. And in Galatians 1, he has a very quick greeting and says,

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I'm amazed that you're so quickly deserting him and called you by the grace of Christ to a different gospel, which is really not another.

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But there's some who trouble you and want to pervert the gospel of Christ. And he says, even if we are an angel from heaven to preach to you any other gospel, let him be anathema.

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Let him be eternally separated from God forever. Am I still seeking to please men or God?

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If I was seeking to please men, I would not be the slave of Jesus. There's Paul's words there in the opening letter.

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Can you imagine coming to church on that Sunday? Hey everybody, welcome to Galatians church. We got a letter from Paul, very excited to read it.

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Here we go, unroll it and it's immediate, immediate. Everybody would have scrunched down into their, whatever they were sitting in, scrunched down.

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And then in Galatians 5, he has words for the people who are trying to add things to the gospel, even a single thing to the gospel, like circumcision.

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You at least got to get circumcised, at least keep that part of the law. He says, Christ has become of no benefit to you.

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Whosoever of you attempts to be justified by law, you've fallen from grace. And then he goes on to simply say that these people who are troubling you, these people who are distorting the gospel, they want to bring you into their group and they want you to listen to them and follow this false gospel.

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He says, I hope they cut themselves off. Brothers and sisters, here's the point.

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That's not a soft answer. That's not a soft answer. That's a pretty harsh word from an inspired apostle.

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And so we have to make sure that we're thinking in terms of wisdom in a fallen world, in whatever particular situation that we're in, we don't set up standards that make

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God look like he is sinning. Sometimes we need the sharp word. I'll give you a verse to look at later.

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You don't need to go to it now. Ezekiel 23 20. Write it down. Go read it later.

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Ezekiel 23 20. And you'll know what I mean when I talk about a devastating word from a prophet that is as sharp as I can imagine.

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Not a soft word. Here it is. Jesus does say in Matthew 5 19, the

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Sermon on the Mount. He says, blessed are the peacemakers. That should be our constant hold, disposition.

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Spirit is God's people. God has saved me. He's brought me to peace with himself. He calls me to make peace, to be a peacemaker.

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That's what we have to be known for. However, however, when being peacemakers, we need to consider that when confronting evil and false teachers, we aren't trying to make peace.

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We don't make with peace with evil or speak niceties to it. I'm reminded of,

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I can't remember how long ago that it was, but there's a very well -known false teacher, evil man, wicked man, wicked, wicked man.

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The more I see from this man, the more I'm just constantly just amazed just at the fall and the apostasy and the sin and the evil.

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It's the world's most well -known gay pastor, Brandon Robertson.

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We had an opportunity to have him on to speak and he agreed to come and talk to Pastor James and I in a standalone program because he had been saying some things.

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And so I was saying some things and then we agreed to say some things together. And I noticed before I had him on,

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I wanted to see how he was interacting and engaging with some other well -known people who had had him on.

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And I have to confess that largely I was so disappointed in what

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I had seen. He's the world's most famous gay pastor. And so people that should know how to handle a man like that had him on and I was disappointed.

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I don't want to condemn those men. And I just want to say, I was disappointed that those men were handling this wicked, wicked man, this false teacher, this apostate in the way that they were.

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I thought they were not saying what needed to be said. They were not confronting the evil that they needed to confront.

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They weren't treating him as serious as this was. And so one of the things that I asked the

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Lord for is Lord give me strength to be faithful to you and to not care about pleasing people and what they think.

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Help me to say that what I need to say to this wicked, wicked man leading so many people astray. And so when

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Brandon Robertson was on, I don't think you could say that, hopefully you can't say, and forgive me if I was, honestly,

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I'm not a perfect man and I fail a lot, but I don't think you could say that I was abusive or mean -spirited towards the man.

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But a number of times while we had him on, I just confronted him straight away and said the very hard things.

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I said, you are a false teacher. You are an apostate. You are an evil, evil man.

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You're leading people astray. And I said, you do need to repent of your sin. And I confronted him over the evil.

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It wasn't time to play nice or to speak soft to evil like that.

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So here's the point. In thinking about this category and this wisdom from God, we need to consider that because it is a fallen world, we have to view things according to their own category.

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The husband, the professing Christian husband who leaves his wife and children for another woman unrepentantly, callously, does not need a soft answer.

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Amen? He does not need a soft answer. The man robbing the elderly lady in the parking lot doesn't need a soft answer.

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The political leader forcing experimental vaccinations doesn't need a soft answer, right?

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It's the soft answer that gives them freedom to do so. Christians need to be the kind of people to understand the category that they're working in.

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In this kind of tyranny, in this kind of evil, we have to confront it boldly and sharply.

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Kenneth Copeland doesn't need a soft answer, right? Kenneth Copeland doesn't need a soft answer from any of us.

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David Koresh did not need a soft answer. However, your wife does in your daily communication.

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Your husband does. Your kids do. Your brothers and sisters you are in fellowship with do.

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The average lost person on the street does need the soft answer.

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Proverbs 15, one again, brothers and sisters. The text says, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

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We can, I think, call this the biblical art of de -escalation.

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The biblical art of de -escalation. And so there's actually another proverb here

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I wanna introduce you to that's like this. It's in Proverbs 30. So just go over a few pages,

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Proverbs 30 in verse 33. I love how this is put.

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Proverbs 30, verse 33. It says, for pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife.

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I love that. I love that. Not many of us, well, this is apology. Many of you probably are making homemade butter, yes?

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How many ladies are making homemade butter? Anybody, okay. No? We need to have some butter -making classes, ladies.

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It only takes now, we've got these little churner things. You could do this in like 10 minutes. Apparently it only takes 10 minutes, but I think a long time ago with the big things, it took a lot longer than that.

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But the point is, and yes, I looked it up this week because I personally have never made butter, but it actually is something that takes a lot of effort.

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It's continuous. It's press and press and press and press and press.

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It is work, work, work. And it's probably something that would have gotten you real sore and real, actually in probably pretty good shape.

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Like if you were the butter churner, it was like, bam. Like you were the lady in town that looked like she was on anabolic steroids.

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She's definitely the butter churner. She makes the best butter. But it's something that you press and press and press and press.

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And after pressing it for long enough, it produces something. And I love how this is also put here.

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Pressing the nose produces blood. Can you imagine the picture there of someone's head's down there and you're just pressing and you're just pressing and you're instigating and you're pressing and you're pressing and you finally draw blood.

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And so the wisdom is you press milk and press it and press it produces curds. Press the nose, it produces blood.

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And you press anger, you keep pressing it and working it and pushing it and pushing it, it produces strife.

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So take this in tandem, take it together. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word, you'll get what you want.

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So again, we need to consider as you think about wisdom here and how we should use our mouths about the biblical art of de -escalation.

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Now, as you consider this, you have to consider the fact that people will always have some way to argue when you try to encourage them to practice the biblical art of de -escalation, to give soft answers, to stop pressing, pressing, pressing and encouraging the strife.

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People would say, yes, Pastor Jeff, except, except there is yet another proverb,

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Proverbs 27, six, that says, faithful are the wounds of a friend. You always love that person in the body who just loves to constantly confront people and say horrible things and make people feel small.

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They always have that chestnut verse, their life verses, here is why I'm so abusive to others.

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It is because faithful are the wounds of a friend. I'm just trying to wound as many people as possible because I'm the faithful friends.

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So they say, yeah, but Proverbs 27, six says, faithful are the wounds of a friend. And so I'm saying things that are nasty and harsh because they're true.

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And I'm just trying to be the faithful friend who is doing the wounding. It's a benefit in my life of having me in your life.

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We need to consider something that there is a remarkable difference, a remarkable difference between faithfully wounding a friend and disabling them.

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There's a remarkable difference between faithfully wounding a friend and disabling them.

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You wanna increase the anger and hostility in your home and relationships? Here's the wisdom from God, press and press and press and press and press.

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You're gonna draw blood. You're gonna press that anger and you are gonna have strife.

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You wanna increase the anger and hostility in your home and relationships? I have some suggestions if you wanna increase it.

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Here's your pressing. Here's some things, some words you can say in conflict.

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Husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters, people who are in conflict.

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Here are the harsh words that don't have a place in a certain context.

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You constantly disappoint me. You are such a disappointment.

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You are the most unreliable person in my life. You suck as a husband.

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I'm embarrassed that you're my wife. I hate coming home to you.

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I wish I didn't marry you. I hate you. Now, you might hear these horrific things right now and think,

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Pastor Jeff, that doesn't happen in Christian homes. We love Jesus. There's no marriages that look like that.

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Brothers and sisters, I've been a pastor for a long, long, long time. I'm just giving you things that I have heard on repeats because we all have those moments of sin and brokenness.

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Amen? Take off the God face. Stop pretending. If you want to heal, you've got to confess your sins so that you can be healed.

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And so if we think about the context of wisdom and relationships, I've got a house that's full of strife, I've got a relationship that's filled with anger and strife,

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I've got to think about what scripture says, a soft answer turns away wrath, a harsh word stirs up the anger.

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Okay, all right, I can't press and press and press, and so these words fly out of our mouths.

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These things are what defile us. And let's be honest, when we say these hard words to our wives, our husbands, our children, our brothers and sisters, when we say them, it's not to faithfully wound them, it's not to heal them.

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Why are we saying these harsh words? Why? It's because inside, our hearts are filled with hate.

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Hate. These are the sorts of things that aren't meant to bring peace. There's no goal of restoration and healing right now in this relationship.

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I'm saying this because it feels good to hurt you. I'm saying this because right now in this moment,

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I'm filled with anger and rage towards you. What's Jesus say about murder? Where does murder begin?

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Where does it begin, brothers and sisters? In the heart. And so I am murdering you in this moment, in my heart, and what you see with this tool is just an indication that that is there.

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That hate in my heart, that anger in my heart towards you, these words are coming out, not because I intend in any way in bringing peace or healing this relationship.

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I may be trying to cause this relationship to self -destruct. And so we have to consider, how do we allow these principles to guide us with our tongues to bring healing and to bring blessings?

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Because perhaps the reason, perhaps the reason your home is chaotic and filled with anger and strife is because of all the harsh words flying around.

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There's the principle of wisdom, soft answer turns away the wrath. The harsh word stirs up the anger, it stirs up the strife.

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So perhaps there's so much strife and chaos and anger surrounding you right now in whatever community, the small group community, the house, whatever it is, perhaps it's because of all the harsh words flying around.

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Perhaps God's wisdom would be in that situation to find the soft answer, the actual healing word.

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How do I use this tongue and this mouth to bring healing? It's God's promise and principle, soft answers turn away wrath.

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Soft answers turn away wrath. So the wife who is dealing with a short -tempered and angry husband could say,

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I hate being around you, you're the angriest man I have ever known. Now, ready?

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That may be true. Right? That may be true in her experience.

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He's a short -tempered guy, loves the Lord, wants to glorify God, but there are moments where he has a short temper, he's angry, blows his lid, and she might actually feel like that.

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I hate being around you and you are the angriest man that I know. Okay, but is that the answer that is going to turn away the wrath and actually bring healing in the relationship?

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No. It's just a jab. It's just a punch thrown.

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There's no healing in that. So, how do we practice the biblical art of de -escalation? Well, the principle is soft answer.

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It doesn't mean to lie. By the way, this is probably the most critical part of this, brothers and sisters, so that we get this and get it right, all of us.

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All of us get this right. A soft answer does not mean flattery.

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We can't confuse the two. Soft answers do not mean flatter the person.

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What is flattery? What is it? It's a sin. Because what is flattery?

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It is lying to somebody. It is lying to somebody because you are trying to gain something.

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God doesn't lie. We're made in His image. He calls us, commands us not to lie. A soft answer does not mean flattery.

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Flattery is a sin. Soft answers are not. So, she may truly struggle with her husband's behavior.

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She may be praying and asking God to heal this. So, what's the soft answer that may work? You can choose your own words, brothers and sisters.

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Find your own route. Here's a suggestion. Instead of, I hate being around you. You're the angriest man that I know.

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How about the soft answer that de -escalates it? Turns aside the wrath so we can actually talk and we can heal.

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She could say, I love you. I respect you as my husband.

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I love you and I respect you as my husband. You mean so much to me and I am constantly praying for you.

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How can I be a blessing to you with this struggle of anger?

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You know that it's a sin. How can I be a blessing to you as you struggle with this?

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I know that you love our Lord and you want to honor Him with your life.

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How can I help you as your wife? How can I pray for you to overcome this sinful anger? I'm here for you.

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There's a soft answer. And what does she acknowledge in the answer? This is sin.

01:00:00

This is sin. You need to get free from it. But she's not doing it in such a way as to press the nose and cause it to bleed.

01:00:10

She's trying to give the soft answer. To quell the strife. To turn away the wrath.

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She's trying to bless and to heal. There's a faithful wound. There's what

01:00:21

God calls us to. The newcomer to the body. Coming to the first small group.

01:00:28

Everyone's there. We've been friends for years. Fellowshiping for years. Newcomer comes and all of a sudden. Gossip.

01:00:35

Right there on the kitchen table. Right? Oh no. The newcomer to the body caught gossiping at dinner.

01:00:42

You could say. As you pull them aside. Do you know what a wicked and sinful mouth you have?

01:00:50

Now. Ready? Is it true? Yeah. But we're all being sanctified.

01:00:59

Amen? Yes? And your mouth is wicked and sinful too. And so what you could say.

01:01:06

Pick your own route. Is you could say the soft answer. That says. Hey can we encourage you with what

01:01:13

God says. That has been such a blessing to our body. To have equal weights and measures.

01:01:19

To guard your lips from gossip and slander. Can I encourage you with something that might bring peace to the situation?

01:01:26

Have you gone and talked to them yet privately? What scripture actually calls us. To keep peace among us.

01:01:33

And to uphold justice. That you go to them privately. Nobody here even needs to know about this right now.

01:01:39

And so I'd encourage you. To go talk to them. It might end up being such a blessing. Peace might be made.

01:01:45

And so I want to encourage you with that. Now there's a way to actually bless somebody. And to help heal them.

01:01:51

And to help save them from that kind of life. That brings so much destruction. Amen? So brothers and sisters.

01:01:58

Find a way. Find a way to use those soft answers. That turn away wrath.

01:02:03

That actually heal and wound in the right way. And don't disable. Often times.

01:02:09

It's interesting. One of the big blessings. In my life. Is that there were no recording devices.

01:02:17

When I first started doing evangelism. With the cults. Right? So I'll have often times.

01:02:24

And it's such a gift to hear. It's something that keeps fire underneath me. You can keep going. God is using this.

01:02:32

People will come out to me all the time. And say hey Pastor Jeff. Thank you so much for your ministry. To the Jehovah's Witnesses.

01:02:37

To the Mormons. My church is using your videos. To actually get inspired. And to learn how to evangelize the

01:02:43

Mormons in our area. That is always such a gift. And the thing that people say to me the most. I think.

01:02:49

Other than this is what God has used me to get me doing this. Is to say I appreciate so much. How gracious and loving you are.

01:02:57

To these people that you are talking to. What I have to say to that is. Number one.

01:03:03

Thank God there were no recording devices when I was 18. And number two.

01:03:08

That love and graciousness. Is completely from the Spirit of God. Is nothing in me.

01:03:13

It is all the work of God in my life. In those moments I can tell more than anything. The Spirit of God active and at work.

01:03:21

And bringing his truth to that person. It is truly the work of God. However. Hopefully.

01:03:28

I have been faithful in demonstrating. That when you are speaking to the cults. Or those who are propagating a false gospel.

01:03:36

You still need to tell them the truth. Amen. So we just popped a video up.

01:03:42

Two days ago. The Jehovah's Witnesses are out in full effect again. And I love it.

01:03:50

I love it. They have come to my door a few times. And now they have stopped. But also we know that they are at the airport now.

01:03:58

They are posted up at the airport. So now it is like. I know exactly where the fish are. I know which pond to go to.

01:04:03

So I can go there whenever I want. I want to talk to Jehovah's Witnesses. It is amazing. So we went to the airport to say.

01:04:08

Let's go do some evangelism. Talk to these Jehovah's Witnesses. So we went to the airport. Got in front of two

01:04:14

Jehovah's Witnesses. The conversation lasted about nine minutes. And then the woman ran away. Hopefully you can see.

01:04:24

Hopefully it is a godly example. In that moment. Here is a cultist who is leading people astray.

01:04:30

After a false god and a false gospel. But we are not shrieking at them.

01:04:37

We are not being nasty. And try to just give harsh words. We are trying to love them.

01:04:44

Tell them the truth. And not lie to them. I don't know how many times in that ten minute interaction.

01:04:50

That I told them. You are preaching a false Christ. You are leading people astray. You are leading people to hell.

01:04:56

I didn't lie to them. I didn't flatter them. But I also tried to give as many soft words. And answers as I possibly could.

01:05:03

As I possibly could. Wisdom from above says. A soft answer turns away wrath.

01:05:09

But a harsh word stirs up anger. So brothers and sisters. This is part one.

01:05:16

Part two. I am going to connect the next few verses. In terms of how we should be thinking.

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About our mouths. And God keeping watch over us. And the evil. And so let us brothers and sisters.

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Be peacemakers. And let us be praying that prayer. That God would set a guard.

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Over our lips. And that we would use our tongues. And our mouths. In a way that is honoring and glorifying to God.

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Amen. Let's pray. Father thank you for your word. Thank you for the gift that it is to us. I pray

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Lord that you would use this message. To bring glory to yourself. To renew our minds. To heal us. Make us more like you