Biblical Communication

Good to go now?

All right.

Let's open up our scriptures to Ephesians chapter 4.

Ephesians chapter 4.

Now what I'm doing tonight is not so much of an exposition,

but application.

So we're looking at biblical principles of communication.

How to converse with one another.

How to talk, especially in times of conflict,

in a way that is both God -honoring, but will also love the other

person and result in unity.

So we are in Ephesians chapter 4, verses 25 through

32.

And there are four principles of communication here that we will

see.

Ephesians 4, verses 25 through 32.

Therefore, putting away lying, let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,

for we are members of one another.

Be angry and do not sin.

Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his

hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification,

that it may impart grace to the hearers.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for

the day of redemption.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking

be put away from you with all malice.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God and

Christ forgave you.

Looking back up at verse 25, we see that it starts with,.

Therefore, this is following up or it's making

application, it's giving the

command or the result of what is taught in just the

previous section.

If you look just a few verses previous,

let's start in verse 17.

It says, This I say therefore and testify in the Lord that you should no longer walk as the rest of

the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind.

So he's saying, but do not walk as the Gentiles have walked.

In verse 18, having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God,

because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart.

Skip down to verse 20, it says, So don't live as in your former ways.

This is what I was talking about this morning.

There's a change that has happened, so therefore we are freed from sin.

Paul's talking about this in a different aspect here.

In verse 20, he's like, But you have not so learned Christ.

He's saying you have not learned Christ in the way to still be acting or walking in the

way that the Gentiles walk.

If indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him as the truth is in Jesus,

that you put off concerning your former conduct the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lust,

and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created

according to God in the true righteousness and holiness.

Okay, so our verses here are talking about putting on this new man that's being renewed in righteousness,

that's being renewed in holiness.

So these principles of communication here are communication, how to speak with

one another in conflict.

This is one way in our text that we just read that you put on the new

man, you put on the new person, you put on the new life.

So the first principle is in verse 25.

The first principle is be honest, be honest.

Therefore putting away lying, let each one of you speak truth with his

neighbor, for we are members of one another.

Be honest.

The first reason is that we are to love our neighbor as ourself.

We are to love our neighbor.

That's the second part of the greatest commandment taught by Christ, to love our neighbor as

ourself.

And we certainly do not like to be lied to.

We certainly do not like to be misled.

We certainly do not like to be deceived.

And so the first thing, if you're in conversation with someone, especially something you may disagree upon

or you're in conflict about something, this could be your brother or sister, as in

siblings in the house.

This could be between

you and your mom and your dad.

Certainly this is the case oftentimes between spouses as husbands and wives are always

talking about things.

And when you're in close proximity to people, the closer relationship you have with someone, the

more typically the more conflict or the more things you're going to have

with them.

It's easy to rub each other the wrong way the closer you are.

So first off, it's the loving thing to do is to speak the truth in conversation

with somebody, especially those closest to you.

So you must be honest.

You must speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

When we read the verse here and we think that it's merely talking about lying, oftentimes we look at

that word lie and we think that it's just saying something that's not true.

Saying a complete falsehood.

But this would also include half truths.

Well, it's kind of true.

Have you ever thought to yourself that?

It's kind of true.

It's mostly true.

I didn't completely lie.

That also counts as a lie.

It also counts as withholding information that you know should be said.

It's withholding information or withholding the truth in a conversation.

That also is included in here of lying.

This is any form of deceit, lying, saying something that's not true or

withholding truth.

This is conflict, another thing that counts.

And this is talking about just being honest.

This isn't so much as an outright lie, but this is about being honest.

Oftentimes our body language does not match our actual language.

How many times have you or someone that you know, you don't have to mention any names,

let's say someone's upset about something.

Of course, I've never done this, but walk into the house.

I shut the door firmly.

I'm banging around in cabinets.

I'm closing drawers aggressively, you might say.

And my wife or someone asks me, hey, what's wrong?

And I say, nothing.

Nothing's wrong.

What are you talking about?

Obviously, something is wrong.

The truth of the matter is not matching my body language.

What do you mean?

I'm not upset about anything.

This isn't being honest.

Your words are not matching the reality.

Your words are not matching the reality and the truthfulness of the way you feel or

the situation.

Yeah, so our body language needs to match.

We communicate with our tone, body language, everything.

All that needs to be honest.

All of that needs to be true.

All of that needs to be forthright.

Another way that we do this, not so much lying, but another way we do this is

what's called disguising the message.

By the way, this is a standard.

I do a lot of counseling, biblical counseling.

What I'm talking about here is kind of in the standard biblical counseling curriculum.

I don't even know who originated it, but this is a

standard teaching in biblical counseling.

You're going to run into this if you listen to various teachers who emphasize in this.

But one teacher calls this backdoor communication.

Backdoor communication.

Let me think of a good example.

Maybe, yeah, let me think of a good example.

You're not going to the store right now, are you?

Okay, clearly that means you're about to leave and head to the store.

Somebody doesn't want you to do that.

But instead of communicating the what and the why about it, they use a backdoor.

They use the back way in.

You're not doing that right now, are you?

You're not going to the store right now, are you?

Well, clearly you are.

You're grabbing your keys.

You're grabbing your wallet.

That's not an accurate question.

That's self -evident or that's aware that you are going to the store right now.

So you need to be more direct.

Don't go through the back door.

Go through the front door.

Why are you going to the store right now?

Would be a more direct approach.

So say what you mean.

Say what you mean up in the front.

Go through the front door, not the back door.

Because really in that question, you're not actually asking if they are going to the store right now.

You're upset that they are going to the store right now, and you're putting it in the form of that question.

Rather, be more direct.

Go through the front door.

I'm not saying be more directly offensive.

I'm saying go through the front door, not the back door.

Why are you going to the store right now?

Do you really think this is the best time to be going to the store?

Maybe this isn't the best example, but I think you're understanding the principle of the matter.

Four.

Another way that we are oftentimes not honest, and again, this isn't outright

lying per se, but you need to not exaggerate.

Now you can use hyperbole.

Christ used hyperbole all the time.

He's using hyperbole when

someone's sinning.

He says, look, it's better if your eyes cause you to sin or your hands cause you to sin, it's better to pluck it

out or to cut it off rather than to go to hell with a

perfectly good eye and hand.

That's hyperbole.

He's making a point saying he's not over -exaggerating there.

He's making a point to tell us to take sin that seriously.

What I'm talking about is, I'm not talking about hyperbole.

That has its place.

What I'm talking about is exaggeration.

A great form that often comes up in

this is when you're in an argument or confrontation is you

always do this.

Or my wife sometimes says, I'm putting all our marriage issues out here tonight.

You never remember to take the trash down.

It's like, OK, well, that's not quite true.

I did remember two weeks ago, but it's that exaggeration.

Always and never are never true.

Someone doesn't always do this or that.

Someone doesn't never do this or that.

But oftentimes we paint people with those broad brushes in an argument

because it affirms our perspective.

It affirms our complaint.

It affirms our offense.

But that's not loving your neighbor.

And that's not helpful to bring resolve or unity in the situation.

Exaggeration is simply this.

It's expanding the truth for your own benefit.

That's what exaggeration is.

It's it's expanding the truth for your own benefit.

That's what happens when we say you always do this or we or you never do this.

Second principle of communication.

Keep current.

Keep current.

This is pulled from verses 26 and 27.

Be angry and do not sin.

Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

First thing here we see is be angry and do not sin.

Obviously, lying is a sin, as we mentioned before.

But there's a category for anger in which you can be

angry and yet not be sinning.

You can be offended against and actually be angry about that.

And that's OK.

That is OK.

It's what you do with that anger that you can sin with it or not.

And that's if the offense is legitimate.

You could be sinfully angry over an illegitimate offense.

And a good barometer for that is would God be angry about this thing?

Would God be upset about whatever happened?

If so, then you're in good company.

If the Lord would be upset about it, surely you're not in sin if you are upset about it.

But then you can sin in the way that you are angry about that thing.

You can have a righteous anger, but sin unrighteously and trying to bring

resolve or trying to execute that anger.

So what you should do is use that righteous indignation, use that righteous anger

as motivation.

It should be used as motivation to resolve whatever the problem is, to resolve whatever

the issue is, whatever you're angry about.

You need to use it as motivation to resolve the actual issue.

What actually happened?

Now, the next principle is I'm not done with that one, but I'm just giving you

a little little shortcut here.

The next principle is attack the problem, not the person.

So being angry and do not sin is going to have a lot to do with that.

Anger is sinful when it is used to attack others and yourself.

Anger is sinful when it is used to attack others or self -destruct

in some way.

That's when it's sinful.

So you're using it to attack others or self -destruct.

You're not actually using it profitably.

You're not actually using it in the way that God has given righteous anger for us to use.

In response to an offense, in response to a conflict, maybe in your marriage, maybe

in the church, maybe amongst your siblings, maybe in the workplace, there are two

natural responses.

The natural man responds in typically two different ways.

One is claiming up or kind of claiming up

or like a crab would just hide away in its shell.

It's to recluse or hide within yourself, to shut down, I would say.

It's either to shut down or to blow up.

Shut down or blow up.

And you're probably thinking to yourself, hey, I'm inclined this way or another.

You already know what you want to do or what you typically do.

To shut down or to blow up.

Basically, these are two ways of cutting off communication.

You can blow up in a way of just kind of like

an irrational crying or shutting down that way or blowing up that way

where it's like, okay, a conversation can't be had until that's done and over with.

The same thing with fits of anger or fits of rage, of blowing up in that way.

Okay, a conversation resolved to the situation can't happen while someone's blowing up

in that regard.

Or another example of shutting down is the silent treatment of just

going dark, going quiet.

Basically, just becoming a statue that

can't be reasoned with as well.

Another way that this happens is bottom lining, bottom lining,

or giving an ultimatum.

If you say that to me again, here's the consequence.

Fill in the blank.

If you forget to take down the trash again, whatever.

Fill in the blank of a consequence that you're

giving or a reaction that you're threatening with.

That's another way of cutting off communication.

This is what these two things do.

Shutting it down or blowing up cuts off communication.

The only way, whatever the conflict is, whatever the issue is, whatever the matter before you is going

to be resolved, is actually through communication.

You're blowing up those communication channels or shutting them down, those communication channels,

when you react in those ways.

Why is this principle called keep current?

This is really where it comes into play.

You need to deal with problems as they come.

You need to deal with the problems as they come.

Deal with your problems today or in a timely manner.

In our verse here it says, do not let the sun go down on your wrath.

What's the principle here?

The principle isn't that we have to take care of whatever the issue is today or right

now or before the sun goes down or before we go to bed.

Some people hold to that idea.

I don't because oftentimes things can't be

resolved in one conversation.

Things can't be resolved by the end of the day.

With your spouse, a good principle or a good practice would be coming

to peace with one another even though the issue isn't completely

resolved because the principle is this.

You can have peace with one another with an unresolved issue if you come to

an understanding that you're going to resolve the issue, that you should quit attacking one another

by the time the sun goes down, but you don't have to have whatever it is actually resolved, whatever the

disagreement is actually to come to a conclusion or a resolution on.

That may take some time because the principle is this, not to

keep storing up issues or offenses against one another.

You need to deal with one problem at a time.

You can't deal with one problem at a time if you keep stacking them up or storing them up.

How many times have you been maybe in a confrontation or a misunderstanding or a

disagreement with someone, it turns into an argument or it turns into a conflict and

then the last year of offenses they dump out on you like a dump truck.

It's like they back it up and just dump it out on you and you're hearing things and you're like,

I had no clue about these things.

I had no clue that this person was upset with me for so long and they took issue with

this, this, this and that.

Well, that's because that person did not keep current and so now all of a sudden the

conflict builds over time or their disagreement with you builds over time and then it

ends up in an explosion.

The dump truck gets backed up.

The whole bag gets dumped out.

This isn't loving to our neighbor either.

We need to keep current.

We need to deal with one problem at a time.

We need to deal with the problems as they come.

A caveat to this or a little bit of balance to this.

You don't have to bring something up every time something annoys you or upsets you and say, well, I'm

just trying to keep current.

There's a lot of little things that love just needs to overlook.

Love just needs to overlook.

Love needs to cover those things.

But actual sins, actual offenses, things that are not going to go away over time,

you need to address those things as they come or else they're going to build up

and create bitterness in you.

This is exactly what verse 27 says.

Do not give nor give place to the devil.

You're giving ripe opportunity to work, for the devil to work in your

church or in your marriage or amongst your brothers and sisters or

in any relationship that you have.

If you do not keep current, if you leave offenses

unresolved, that gives ripe opportunity to the devil to work,

to grow those offenses, to grow that bitterness, to use those offenses

against one another.

This is exactly what it's saying here.

That be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your

wrath, nor give place to the devil.

If you leave these things unresolved, you give place to the devil to work.

You give him ripe opportunity to create discord, disunity, and

destructive relationships.

Six key questions on this in keeping current.

Do I have all the facts?

Do I have all the facts of whatever situation it is?

I already mentioned this.

Should love hide it?

Should love cover it?

Is it sinful?

There's plenty of things that I do in my marriage that annoy my wife and plenty of things that she does that annoys

me that we never even have to talk about it because, one, it's usually a

situation where I'm like, I shouldn't even be annoyed by this thing.

And so it's actually something I need to get over, not something that she needs to correct or deal with

on her own or for herself.

The good question is, is it sinful?

Is this other person actually sinning against you?

And oftentimes it's not, and you need to overlook those things.

Or is this thing hindering someone else's growth?

Is it hindering your neighbor's growth?

Or is it hindering your growth?

If it's hindering your growth in the Lord or your walk with Christ, then that is something that you need to

bring up.

Another key question is, is my timing right?

Is my timing right?

Here's another insight to my marriage, but in teaching on this, I found out that it's really not just my marriage.

Oftentimes, as soon as I lay my head down on the bed and pull the cover up, my

wife says, hey, I need to talk to you about something.

Hey, we need to talk about this.

We need to resolve this issue.

Hey, I'm really worried about this.

And I've begun to say, if you want a profitable conversation, you're going to have to

wait until breakfast.

I don't have the right amount of brain cells right now to be able to

fruitfully engage with you on this.

Timing really matters.

You can have the right motive, the right heart on the matter.

It be something that you actually need to talk with somebody about, but be the worst timing or very

poor timing.

So be loving to your neighbor and pick a good time.

Pick the time that, think about them and what's the best way,

this is again loving your neighbor as yourself, what's the best way that,

what are the best circumstances or what's the best way that I would want to be approached about this issue?

And then do that for the other person.

And then lastly, are my words loving?

Are my words loving?

Hard truths need to come packaged in love.

Third principle, this has to do, you having loving words has a lot to do with the third

principle, which is attack the problem, not the person.

We get this from verses 29 and 30.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary

edification, that word means building up, or for the profit of, that

it may impart grace to the hearers.

So your goal in talking with someone is to build them up and

to impart grace to them.

Therefore, our words must be loving.

That means in any sort of situation, conflict or not, your words are to

build them up and to impart grace to them.

Ephesians chapter 4 verse 15 also speaks to this.

It says that we should no longer be children tossed to, sorry, that's

14.

But speaking the truth in love may grow up in all things into him who is the head

Christ.

So speaking the truth in love, attacking the problem, not the person, building them

up, imparting grace to them in our conversation.

So we should avoid unwholesome words or corrupt words as verse 29 says.

These are words that attack a person's character.

This is the words that attack the person and not the issue.

There's a difference between attacking what someone has done, that's the issue,

and attacking the actual person themselves,

attacking the very motives of the person.

It's easy in any sort of relationship to begin to assume or presume that that

other person does not love you and this is why they are treating you in this or that way.

But do not attack the character of the person.

Do not attack them or seek to tear them down.

But you can attack the way that they have treated you.

You can say the way that you have perceived something or received something.

When you did this, it made me feel this way.

Instead of coming to the conclusion that they do not love you or that they hate you on your

own, attack the problem, not the person.

So no need to attack the person's character or to think the worst of them.

We should actually think the best of the other person and presume at least on the front end that

they're acting in a way that is inconsistent with

their character.

This is an inconsistency in which they are acting.

This is why you're letting them know about it.

It's not who they really are.

Of course, this is under the assumption that who you're speaking with is a fellow

brother or fellow sister in the Lord, in Jesus Christ.

Do not tear down, rip apart, or hinder.

Don't use words that do those things to the other person.

These are words that cloud the issue.

Personal attacks just cloud the issue.

You're not able to talk about the real thing, the real problem, the real issue to be

resolved.

If there's arrows being flung back and forth, if you've got your dukes up and punches, verbal

punches are being shot back and forth against the other person.

It's clouding the issue.

You can't resolve what's actually the problem there.

It's muddying the water.

It's making a mess of the situation.

It's not resolving it.

We need to use communication that encourages or edifies.

Again, that means building up.

Again, notice the language here of imparting grace to the other person.

We're trying to make them better for our conversation.

We're coming to the person that we're offended by not to tear them down, but to

actually build them up, actually make them better, make them more gracious in there.

That way they may not offend you that way or others that way in the future.

It helps build a gradual peace or more peace

in the marriage because instead of tearing them down in every argument, you're trying to build

them up, build each other up, make them better, make them more gracious, make each other more gracious

in the marriage.

In this, we need to use words that help reach a solution.

Words that help reach a solution.

Going back to tone and body language, they need to match our words in this

regard as well.

Words that are attacking the problem, not the person, we may be doing that in our words.

We may be saying what we know are the right things to say, but our tone and our body language is not matching it.

We're tearing down with our tone, we're tearing down with our body language, but our

words are the right words.

No, your whole person and attitude needs to be toward correcting, toward edification,

and imparting grace.

A fourth and final principle of communication here from the end of

Ephesians 4 is act, don't react.

Act, do not react.

These are in verses 31.

Gather this from verses 31 and 32.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put

away from you with all malice.

Verse 31 is reactions.

Those are a list of reactions.

Verse 32 is action.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in

Christ forgave you.

So these reactions here in verse 31 are attitudes and actions that must be

put off.

This is what is commanded of us in the previous verses that we

read in verse 22.

That you put off concerning your former conduct.

These are the ways that we need to put off.

So we need to put off these things.

We need to put off bitterness.

Do not let bitterness grow in your heart toward another person.

We need to put off wrath, tearing others down, attacking others.

We need to put off anger.

In the context here, we know that this would be sinful anger, unrighteous anger,

unjust anger.

We need to put off clamor.

And evil speaking.

Paul says, put all these away from you.

And so these are the reactions that we must put off.

When someone offends us, when someone says a harsh word to us, when someone offends us in some way, these are the

natural ways that our flesh, our old man, wants to react.

We want to get even.

We want to punch back.

We want to attack back.

We want to tear the person down, not build them up.

We must not react in the ways that our natural man wants to react.

But we must act.

With all malice, this can be summarized as, and all these reactions can be summarized here, as a

desire to harm others or to see them suffer.

So it's very natural, the natural man, if someone is your enemy, you want to

rejoice in their downfall.

You want to rejoice in their downfall.

You want to rejoice when something bad happens to them.

This is why if you're maybe in an argument and the other person stubs their toe, it's

that much more funny.

You feel that God is spiting them in that very moment.

But this is, although funny, and although the Lord may use that to

resolve the tension in the situation, we should not in a true sense have malice toward the other

person.

That we're glad to see those that we are offended with or in conflict with

suffer or be in something bad

happen to them.

We need to put off those desires.

We need to put off that heart.

That is not the heart in which we should have.

That's according to the natural man, not to the born again man.

Rather, we should act, not react out of the flesh,.

But act.

And again, this is in verse 32.

We should be kind to one another,.

Tenderhearted,.

Forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

So even in the offense, we should be kindhearted in our conflict and have a heart

eager to forgive.

Yes, I'm in conflict with this person.

Yes, we're in an argument about this, that, or the other.

There's tension on this issue, but I'm eager for us to resolve it.

I'm eager to forgive this person.

I'm eager.

I'm wanting them to ask for forgiveness because I'm eager to give them that forgiveness.

I'm eager to grant them that forgiveness that we may be in unity, that we may be at peace

once again.

We are commanded to be kind to one another.

This means to be benevolent,.

Helpful,.

To be kind, benevolent, and helpful.

To be tenderhearted.

This means of good heartedness is the more literal

translation would be.

Of good heartedness.

That you've got a good heart toward the other person.

That you actually want their best, even in a conflict, even in a disagreement.

Conflicts are stopped.

The conflict ends when we begin to act and stop

reacting.

Think about it.

If two people are getting ready to fight, I'm a fan of combat sports,

it's only a sport, it's only a fight, it's only a boxing match if two people agree to get in the ring.

If two people put on the gloves.

If only one person has gloves on, it's no longer a fight.

This is the point of act and don't react.

It just takes one party to choose, you know what, I'm going to stop reacting in the ways listed in

verse 31.

Now there may still be an issue to resolve, but the conflict is at that very moment over.

Because one person is choosing not to fight about it.

One person is choosing not to engage in the fight, engage in the

argument.

One person is choosing to stop reacting or choosing not to react to the situation,

but to act in the ways that are in accordance with the new spirit,

with the new way in which we are to walk.

Act in accordance with the renewal of the spirit and of the renewal of the mind that

verse 23 talks about.

To act in accordance with an inconsistency with the new man, which is according to

God, which is according to righteousness and holiness, which

verse 24 speaks about.

Conclusion.

What am I calling for this evening?

What does this require?

This requires the changing of habits.

And the changing of habits is not easy, but it can be done.

The changing of habits, it's not easy.

I mean, especially if you've reacted one way your whole life, changing the way that you're going to act

and not react does not happen overnight.

You cannot just decide.

To do that.

I'm going to quit being that way or quit reacting in that way, but you actually have to practice those

things.

You actually have to make a new habit of reacting,

or I'm sorry, acting and practicing another way of living.

Think about it this way.

If someone is addicted to something, it can be even the smallest things.

It can be a chocolate.

It can be YouTube.

It can be TV.

It can be cartoons.

It can be whatever, even the smallest things, something small.

If you're addicted to something, you can't just decide not to be addicted to that thing.

You can decide that you don't want to be addicted to that thing, but you cannot decide not

to be addicted.

Rather, what do you have to do?

You have to stop doing that thing and what you were addicted to, and over time,

you will no longer be addicted to it.

Does that make sense?

You can't just make a decision not to do it.

You actually have to practice not doing it and therefore, break that addiction.

That's a good example of what I'm talking about here.

We have our own personality inclinations.

We have our own ways in which we, again, the natural man, wants to react and do certain things,

treat someone in certain ways, say certain things, handle

situations in certain ways, but that can be changed by God's grace,

by the renewal of the Spirit, by the renewal of our mind, and it takes time.

If you think about it in wanting to grow in any character quality, if we're wanting to grow in the manner of which we

speak to one another, this can happen.

If you're saying, hey, I want to be known as a...

I'm wanting to be known.

As a more trustworthy person.

Well, you can't decide for yourself and say, okay, now I'm just going to be

trustworthy.

No, you need to demonstrate yourself as trustworthy, that when you commit to doing something,

that it gets done.

Over time, then you will gain that reputation of being a trustworthy person.

So this is a habit that you have to cultivate.

The same thing happens with our speech, with our conversation, with the things that I'm talking

about this evening.

It's not easy, but it can be done.

And here's the other thing in conclusion.

No matter how irresponsible the other person is in our conflicts, in our conversations,

they may not be playing by the same rule book I just gave here.

It doesn't matter how irresponsible they are.

It doesn't matter how they are reacting instead of acting.

You must act biblically.

So this isn't conditional upon, well, yeah, I would do this, but they were acting this way, or they did this to me,

or they weren't nice to me, so I can't do this in response.

No.

It doesn't matter if the other party isn't playing by the same rules, if the other person isn't playing

by the same rules here.

Someone else's sin doesn't give you liberty to sin.

So it doesn't matter if the other person is following these principles of communication.

You must do them.

You have, for two reasons.

You have the responsibility to act biblically, act according to the Spirit, and secondly, you're going to

model for them how the situation should be handled.

So you're going to put water on their fire, and now you can,

hopefully, Lord willing,.

Move forward.

So you cannot change the other person, but you can change how you respond.

You can't change or control the other person, but what you can change, what you can control, is your own self, and

that's what you're responsible for in these principles of communication.

Let me close in prayer.

Our Father in Heaven, You give us such practical

counsel, such a practical example, and commands of living in Your Word

that seem so small, but that are really life -changing.

That this is a blessed manner of living that we're talking about this

evening.

That we can not only do these things for our own good in resolving issues, but for the good of our neighbor,

whoever that may be.

That You've given us clear, practical instructions for how to

love our neighbor as ourself, to build each other up and not tear each other down

in our conversation or in our conflicts.

To not give aid, not give a place to the devil in our relationships.

Lord, we pray that You would give us more of the Spirit, that You would continue to give us more of Your mind, to

renew our minds, give us more of Your heart on these matters, where we may

live in a way that is not only good for ourselves and good for others, but glorifying to

You.

And our relationships and any conflicts that we may have, that they may be seasoned with

Your grace, that we may build up and impart grace to others.

Help us to do that through these principles.

From Your Word.

Help us to do that.

In our conversations, in our relationships with our spouses, in our relationships with our

siblings, our brothers and sisters, and in our relationships

within the church, Lord, that we may not give place to the devil in our churches.

We may not give a place there for him to sow any discord, but that we might be built up

to the manner or the full stature of Jesus Christ.

It's in His name we pray, Amen.