Husband’s/Father’s Responsibility of Family Instruction Part 2

Silicon Valley Reformed Baptist Church

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We're using the same handout we used last week, and we're going to be spending the bulk of our time on the back of the handout so you can

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I Suppose you can ignore the front Because we do that last week but if you do have any questions related to either either side of this feel free to ask and We can deal with those too but let's start our time here today with Ephesians 6 4 and And that will set the tone of what we're going to be talking about today, which is the father's primary responsibility for his children's instruction so Ephesians 6 4 says this

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Fathers do not provoke your children to anger But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the

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Lord Now when you think about Ephesians 6 4 this is one of those remarkable passages which

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Really isn't very egalitarian in its orientation what

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I mean by that is we are in the section of Ephesians, which is devoted to the household codes and When you think about what's happening related to this these sections of instruction you are

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God is giving by virtue of Paul specific instructions for how homes should be run and What you would expect you know living in an egalitarian world which tries to minimize the differences between men and women you would expect

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Ephesians 6 4 to be more directed towards the mother Along those lines and really when you think about the fact that the mother's instruction is not mentioned

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This is a significant absence in that way now there are entailments to that absence and I haven't

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Spelled out what those entailments are yet at this point. I'm simply noticing the absence and So we have to make some kind of sense of that absence is my point here today so the fact that fathers are put forward as Given specific instructions relating to the raising of the children in a way that the mothers are not

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I'm simply suggesting at this point that that's a significant Detail and it reflects a

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Significant omission and I understand that arguments of silence are typically weak arguments

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So I'm noticing that there is a missing mother's instruction here That may have some theological relevance or theological significance.

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I understand that that is An argument from silence, but at the same time

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Arguments from silence are not always poor Arguments if There is an expectation of thunderous noise and I would suggest that in this section.

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There is an expectation of thunderous noise Like meanings this is significant. This is a detail that's mentioned

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So if you think about the way in which the household codes or structures structured they start out

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Ephesians 5 22 with wives submitting to their own husbands as to the Lord For the husband's they have the wife even as Christ is the head of a church his body and is himself its

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Savior then Then verse 25. It says husbands love your wife. So you're defining certain roles within the family

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So roles are first wife submit to your own husband as to Lord Verse 25 husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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With the washing of the water of words, so he might present the church to himself without spot or wrinkle or any such thing

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So you have this husband's responsibility to instruct his wife as Christ does for the church to love his wife to give himself up for her and Give her what she needs including the teaching of the

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Bible when you get to chapter 6 You're gonna have children are responsible to obey their parents in the

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Lord for this is right So notice this is grounded on the commandment honor your father and mother

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Which is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and the land and then we're told That specifically as it relates to parenting.

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This is all we have here, right? So related to household codes all we have related to parenting is children

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Obey your parents which includes father and mother and then fathers don't provoke your children anger But bring them up in the discipline instruction of the

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Lord. There is a responsibility For bringing children up in the discipline and instruction of the

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Lord that is placed firmly on the husband's Shoulders and because this passage is fairly comprehensive about household roles.

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I Would say that that omission the fact that that responsibility is not placed in the same way on the mother's shoulders is somewhat

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Significant so you go out from there you describe other human relationships. So in verse 5 bond servants are told to obey their earthly masters with fear and trembling and then masters are told to Do the same to them and stop their threatening knowing that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven

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So there's no partiality with him My point here is just to suggest that these household codes are intended to be fairly

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Comprehensive in their structure and their ordering and so this is a fairly Significant thing that there is instruction given to the father's at this point.

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That's not the same instruction given to the mother now What are we to make of these things that's the question that we should

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Seek to answer today. What are we to make of these things? Well, I think what we should make of these things.

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Is that a father bears the primary responsibility for his children's

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Instruction now that doesn't mean that a mother bears no responsibility for their children's instruction

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In fact as you read through the book of Proverbs, you're going to see that children are told to in Proverbs 1 8

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Hear my son your father's instruction and forsake not your mother's teaching for they are graceful garland for your head and pendants to your neck

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There are several Points in Proverbs where children are told to not forsake their mother's teaching in their mother's teaching

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You should understand that to be something that's fairly different than their father's teaching like meaning

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She has her own unique wisdom to impart to her sons Also that comes from her and her life experience

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And so there is such a thing as a mother's instruction but I do think that the fact that fathers are singled out here is significant and that is

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Going to give some indication of his primary responsibility for the instruction of his children now

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How does a father fulfill this responsibility? Well, he fulfills the responsibility one

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By not provoking his children to anger but bring them up in the dis bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the

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Lord This is a This is a statement the first part of this the not provoking your children to anger this is a statement that Early on in my

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Christian in the Christian life. I was tempted to view as if it were Just a normal observation about the general temperament and orientation of fathers, so if you have observed fathers with their children for any length of time you might notice that fathers have a great capacity to tease their children and in fact you know many fathers seem to think that the whole of their fatherly duty is fulfilled by Mercilessly teasing their children from start to finish and while I think this passage may have some

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Relevance to that in some way. I don't really think that that's the primary point of starting out this household code instruction on parenting with Fathers not provoking your children to anger

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There are many many different ways in which a father can provoke their children to anger

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That thoughtful people should be aware of I hope at some point to do a class on this because I do think that It's very helpful to think through some of the ways in which fathers can provoke their children to anger

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But I think there's many ways that I could just mention in a cursory way right now that fathers do this

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In contrast to what they should be doing okay, so For example like a father who is overly distracted

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That's going to be a significant source of frustration for their children the father who's too busy Father is a workaholic who's not available.

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He's going to be a significant source of provocation to His children father who you know fails to actually do the latter to bring their children up in the discipline instruction of Lord He's going to be provoking that child to anger because folly is bound up in the heart of a child

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The rod of correction is going to drive it far from them so a father who refuses to Engage in what's called corrective discipline or even formative discipline is going to be a source of provocation

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For his children father who is proud who is arrogant who refuses to acknowledge that he's done anything wrong that will be a father who?

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has a capacity to Provoke his children to anger a father who is overly harsh who is overly critical who set standards that are impossible to meet who his

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Almost the soul of his interactions with his children are going to be negative Those are fathers who are going to provoke his their children to anger.

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I could I Needless to say I can go on and on and on about the many ways in which this can happen

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And I don't really think the point here is just to say I don't really think that this responsibility centers on The impermissibility of some good -natured

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Teasing I don't think that's really the point although that can obviously be overdone but There are natural temptations that a father has that can lead a children and his children into anger

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And I think it's pretty surprising that that's put forward in your one verse in the household codes on parenting, right?

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So I mean of all the things that you wish that maybe Paul would elaborate on a little more than what he did

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It would be this verse on parenting that we see here in Ephesians 6 4 and really you don't have a whole lot here in terms of content and You may be discouraged by that Because you may wish that there was a bit more but Let me encourage you right let me encourage you that that really isn't something to be discouraged about That's just something that says that the nature of parenting is really not meant to be difficult

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It's not really meant to be hard like in terms of conceptually Parenting really isn't supposed to be this impossible task that no one can figure out what to do

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It really is fathers not provoking your children to anger, but bringing them up in the discipline instruction of the

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Lord There's a lot in each one of those categories ways in which parents can provoke and Then what does it mean to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of Lord?

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There's a lot in there to that and if you just do the basics, well, you have figured out the task to great measure.

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So So there's a lot there in the provoking part because we're going to be dealing with the instruction part today

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I'm going to Talk about that to greater length than what

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I've done with the provoking part here today But yes

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Look forward to maybe something on that in the future where we can spend a little bit more time on that So what have we said so far a father bears primary responsibility for his children's instruction

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He fulfills that responsibility by what by one not provoking his children to anger but by bringing them up in the discipline instruction of Lord, and so it may be helpful to think through some of what we're talking about in this

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Discipline and structure in instruction of the Lord. So let's think about the nature of this instruction The word there in Greek is the word new thesia

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There was an entire biblical counseling movement that was called new thetic counseling that was built upon this word

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An understanding of what this word actually is. I mean the biblical counseling movement wasn't just an extrapolation of one word

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I'm just trying to say that they took their their impulse in naming The counseling movement from that word right and that word new thesia

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Now that word new thesia new thesia is counsel about avoidance or cessation of an improper course of conduct admonition or instruction so the nature of the instruction here is

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The It's found in this word counsel, that's what it is When fathers are told you're not to provoke their children anger, but bring them up in the discipline instruction of Lord They're told to provide counsel for their child and there's obviously two forms of counsel.

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So when you think about The way in which you even understand counsel, there's the counsel of God that we find in his word

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So there is the instruction of the the Lord and then there's the instruction of the enemy You see these two forms of counsel in the garden

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Where the tempter tempts Eve to? reject God's counsel He tempts

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Eve to think that God is a stingy God who is overly restrictive Who isn't out for her good who has withheld something for her that's needful

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So you see these two forms of counsel you see that God's counsel to them Do not eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge good and evil because in the day you eat of it dying you will

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See the enemy's counsel which is in opposition to that and that's a

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Framework which you should use to view the world itself. So when you think about the nature of what you're doing as a parent

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You think about the nature of a father's primary job and instructing their children his children

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He he it is his job to guard the counsel of God and to give that counsel to the child

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Knowing that that child is living in a world that is trying to counsel him in opposition to everything that God says

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So here's the thing. I mean, there's there's many people who are clamoring for influence for your children and They're being discipled by someone, you know, we we seem to think as Christians with the sensitive conscience at times that we

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Need to be careful and how we impose our counsel upon others We need to kind of give them a wide berth maybe only give counsel when they ask right and that's kind of our orientation when we think about counsel in general is

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Hey, I'm here to help you if you want me to help you, but I don't need to insert myself into your situation

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I don't need to be too direct too direct So we think that way because we've largely been trained to be polite

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Even though the Bible basically tells us that we're supposed to be our brother's keeper We're supposed to admonish one another exhort one another correct one another rebuke one another if you see someone wandering from the truth

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You're supposed to go after him, right? You see a sheep wandering you leave the 99 you go after the other

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We're we're told to have responsibilities towards one another and we generally tried to shy away from those

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Here's the thing like you're living in a world that doesn't shy away from these things at all They pretend like they do they pretend like they do

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But they're constantly trying to mold you into their image And you can't even watch

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TV You can't what if you have any kind of discernment or awareness you watch

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TV shows you'll realize like They're trying to mold me into their image there and there and there and there and there

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You know they're not neutral what they're saying is not neutral They have counsel they have suggestions they have wisdom they're trying to brainwash you and You know often as Christians.

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We see the main things we see the big things, but then we're more Hoodwinked by some of the more subtle lies, but here's the point the nature of this instruction is counsel and Fathers are to give their sons

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The counsel of God in contrast to the counsel of the world so this is counsel

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It is the counsel about the avoidance or cessation of improper course of conduct. It's admonition.

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It's instruction. This is The Bible is saying fathers like you don't provoke your children to anger but you bear this primary responsibility to ensure that they have the counsel of God and Not simply the counsel of the world okay

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That's the nature of the instruction. It's counsel. What about the content of the instruction? You notice what

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Deuteronomy 6 7 is saying here. You shall teach them diligently to your children What are they what is the father to teach diligently to his children?

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This is another? verse aiming this Making the same point where fathers are primarily charged with teaching

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God's commandments right God's commandments to your children You should talk about them when you sit in your house, and you walk on the way when you lie down when you rise

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This is life lifestyle counseling, but what is the content is the content of God's Word his commandments his

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Expectations and it often in the Bible it takes the form of wisdom, okay? Think about what the

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Proverbs are what are the Proverbs? the Proverbs are basically Solomon applying

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Deuteronomy 6 to his child. That's what it is right the Proverbs are Solomon Doing Deuteronomy 6 and and in an anachronistic way

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Obeying Ephesians 6 4 you understand. That's what it is That's what the Proverbs are have you ever thought about that?

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Go to the opening book opening of Proverbs for a minute, and we can read a little bit of that And I can show you what

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I mean often

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I mean when you read Proverbs this is a collection of wisdom sayings

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It's not heavily structured Proverbs are not heavily structured In the way that many books are heavily structured, but they're but they are not falling prey to no discernible structure whatsoever

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Okay, so when you read the book of Proverbs You see at the very beginning the purpose of these

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Proverbs so the Proverbs of the Solomon son of David king of Israel To know wisdom instruction to understand words of insight to receive instruction and wise dealing and righteous justice and equity

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To give prudence to the simple knowledge to the discretion to the youth let the wise hear and increase in learning let the one who understands obtain a guidance to obtain a proverb and saying the words of the wise and the real so got so Solomon is saying right here that their purpose is

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To give knowledge and discretion to the youth their purpose is not limited to that It's also to give prudence to the simple as well so everyone can benefit from the

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Proverbs But in the first instance these are a father telling his son right Proverbs of Solomon son of David king of Israel passing on wisdom, so how did what form do they take well look look at verse 8

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Here my son your father's instruction forsake not your mother's teaching for they are graceful garland on your head

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Impendence upon your neck my son if sinners entice you do not consent If they say come let us lie wait for blood let us ambush the innocent without reason like shale

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Let us swallow them up alive and and whole as those who go down to the pit what you find is a

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Father passing on his instruction to his son telling him not to forsake his instruction also the instruction of his mother as I said

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Mother is also rich responsible for providing instruction to the children Verse 2 our chapter 2 you see the same kind of thing my son if you receive my words and treasure of my commandments with you

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Making your son your ear attended to wisdom and climbing your heart to understanding Yes If you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding if you seek it like silver and search for it like hidden treasures

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Then you understand the fear of the Lord find the knowledge of God so Point here is just to say these kind of statements go on and on and on primarily

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This is the son father trying to pass on his wisdom to his son and telling him about the nature of what wisdom is and what?

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Does it look like and then what you find is what this? Same thing in chapter 3 verse 1 you it just goes on that same thing okay, the point here is just to say that wisdom comes in these in the form of Statements of general truth about the way that life works.

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Okay, so that like this Proverbs like the book of Proverbs is a father

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Trying to obey Deuteronomy 6 Book of Proverbs is a father and agonistically trying to pay

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Ephesians 6 4 now I say that ironically, but Ephesians 6 4 is basically just telling you what the

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Old Testament already told you Do you understand it's not really anything new. This isn't like new

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New Testament teaching it's basically just a short one -sentence summary of The responsibility for these things already laid out in the

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Old Testament. So what is the content of Proverbs? I'm just going to give you a quick a few quick Words on this this just meant to be a summary of Proverbs that is not comprehensive

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It's definitely not exhaustive It's probably not comprehensive, but it's you know, giving you a general feel for the main things that you're going to find there

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Okay, so what you know, what what does the content of this instruction in terms of wisdom look like well pursue wisdom and understanding?

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So a father should teach his son to pursue wisdom and understanding to value wisdom and understanding above all else

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That wisdom is the principal thing therefore to get it avoid wicked people and paths

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So as you look through the problems, you're going to see this theme happening over and over again avoid wicked people and path, right?

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Wicked people and path so avoid the path of wicked people do not walk in the way of evil men Stay away from the foolish man for there.

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You will not find Knowledge on his lips like the Proverbs in general are designed to help a young man

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Keep him from the forbidden woman who's going to forsake the companion of youth. So The the

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Proverbs are designed to help like for a thought from her father to teach a young man Like who to avoid right?

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Who to not have close friendships with because your friendships will influence you so avoid wicked people wicked paths

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Beware of immorality and adultery. I mean, I hope as you Think about that as a summary many many

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Bible verses come to mind in Proverbs that are Pointing you to that very thing.

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So you're the son is told to avoid the adulterous woman Go don't go near the door of her house

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You have that dramatic picture of the young man Going into the wrong place at the wrong time being greeted by the wrong kind of woman

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Wearing the wrong kind of clothes with the wrong kind of attitude, right? That he is described as and like an ox going into a slaughter because he's rejected wisdom at that point

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So avoid the adulterous woman don't go near the doors the door of her house But then over and over again, the young man is told to rejoice in the wife of his youth in contrast to that So you're not just trying to kill those desires

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What you're trying to do is channel them to the right direction not the wrong one, right? That's his point so beware of immorality and adultery

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Guard your heart To guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life

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That doesn't mean to turn yourself into a stoic monk who has no passions whatsoever and has no desires and has achieved smutty

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That's not the point, right? That's not what it's talking about when it says to guard your heart what he's talking about when he's saying to guard your heart is you definitely don't just Give your love and affection to everyone.

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Do you don't just give your You need to be careful that you are thinking clearly about the situations that you find yourself in so that's not going to be just found in some kind of Stoic posture towards life where you're unfeeling

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But at the same time you need to be careful that you do not give all your affections to the adulterous woman and Allow all of your affections to be bound up into something that won't be good for you

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You should be seeking to honor the Lord first watch your words. So Keep your mouth free from perversity

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Keep corrupt talk far from your lips. That's Proverbs 424 over and over again the tongue has power of life and death like You know apples of gold and settings of silver is a word fitly spoken there's many many many many

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Proverbs that are related to the importance of Your lips like being slow to speak not giving an answer before you hear because that's folly and shame

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Watch your words, right? That's a summary Embrace discipline fathers are called by God to help their children to embrace embrace discipline

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So notice what it says in Ephesians 4 6 fathers do not provoke your children anger But bring them up in the discipline instruction of the

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Lord that discipline has two forms Okay, so there's there's formative discipline and there's correction corrective discipline formative discipline would be

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Helping your children to adopt Practices which are going to help them to honor the

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Lord. So example formative discipline could be family worship Discipline to family worship. I mean formative discipline can include many different things that may not be specifically spiritual

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Like formative discipline could be teaching them Postures of reconciliation

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It could even be teaching them to exercise Things so I mean there's any number of good habits that you teach

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That are related to this topic of discipline that all of which are not just Practice the spiritual discipline, although reading your

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Bible praying that's formative discipline corrective discipline is what happens when? When the child rejects the right course of action and you want to steer them towards the proper course

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So formative discipline is helping them to adopt the the practices necessary to be faithful to God in all areas of life corrective discipline is what happens when

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The child embraces folly and sinfulness in that way, but notice embrace discipline

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Do not despise the Lord's discipline nor be wary of his reproof Heed instruction and discipline in order to be wise

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There's many many proverbs on that so embrace discipline Avoid laziness and embrace diligent diligence.

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So go to the aunt you sluggard consider his ways be wise avoid laziness The hand of the diligent make makes rich Practice righteousness and justice so notice

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There are many proverbs related to this as well to do justice to do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the

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Lord than Sacrifice seek justice correct oppression Keep good company that's similar to the avoid wicked people and paths at that point keep good company

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So that the avoiding the bad company is one part of that the keeping good company

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Like pursuing good company to keep is The the opposite of that right so he who walks with the wise men will be wise but the companion that fools will suffer harm

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Manage your finances wisely so do not do not be one who shakes hands in the pledge or puts up security for debt debts

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Under the Lord with your wealth and the firstfruits of all your produce So manage your finances wisely the

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Bible the prophets have a lot to say about that Fathers should be teaching their children to manage their finances.

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Well. They shouldn't just be You know Raising them up having them never thought about money before in their life, and then just say all right go figure it out

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You know figure out how to pay all your bills Figure out what to do this the first time you have money now you have a lot more money than what you think so We blow it all on a bunch of stuff that you

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Don't need because you've never learned what to do with money before right so manage finances wisely

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I speak truth and avoid lies Lying lips are an abomination of the Lord, but those who act faithfully are at his delight

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Exercise self -control so a person without self -control is like a city broken into and left without walls

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What a what a sobering thought right It's amazing. Yeah when I grew up I Think like any child.

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I probably was more critical of my parents than I should be and Yeah, so I think

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I when I grew up because I'm a sinner. You know I'm a sinner. I have a sinful heart My sinful heart and gravitates towards all the things that they're doing wrong right like all the things that are doing wrong

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And and then you don't really see all the good that they did as parents You see all the bad stuff that they did wrong, but I remember when

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I studied Proverbs Early on in my life as a Christian as after I got out of the house

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And I went through this list of things And it was it was very sobering to me to look at that list of things and think oh, man

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My dad did almost all that Right I thought he I thought he could have done a lot better job as a parent growing up You know dad if you're listening to this

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I was a sinner forgive me No, but I you look at this and you think man like He did almost all that and I benefited from that and I don't deserve to benefit from that and I was in great

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I was ungrateful about it But I am very thankful That I received many of these things and I know that not everyone has so And I wasn't expecting to get emotional about that some don't tell me one

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But here's the point there is a nature of the instruction is counsel There is the content of the instruction, and I've given you kind of a brief overview

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Of what that looks like and then you see the timing of the instruction, and I think this is fairly significant

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So Deuteronomy 11 19 says you shall teach them diligently to your children talking about them when you're sitting in your house, and when you're walking on your way, and when you lie down and When you arise so when you think about the timing of this instruction this

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Much of this Father bring your don't provoke your children to anger But bring them up and discipline instruction of Lord much of this is not really meant to be

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Formal I think we put a lot of pressure on ourself in general as parents to We To make all the entirety of all of this like feel like it needs to be slotted into some

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Like unique events or something like that And I don't really think that that's the nature of what parenting really looks like is meant to look like so Parenting is not really meant to look like Like a classroom from start to finish.

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That's not what it's meant to look like we have other things that were called to do Don't we?

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So God has put us on the earth. He's given us responsibility, so we're told to be fruitful and multiple

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I feel the earth and subdue it Like we're given vocation. We're given jobs to do we're giving jobs to perform and What parenting is supposed to look like is bringing your children along In all of your affairs and teaching them how to think about the world as you go along I mean we used to have a concept of this with the

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TV dad right I mean the TV dad's kind of gone at this point He doesn't exist anymore

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But remember sitcoms the TV get dad where you have the story going along and then there was the moment where the dad gives the life lesson

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Like we we don't have that concept anymore of the life lesson You know where the camera stops and like the third wall is broken and the father is talking to you

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You know we don't have that kind of concept anymore But that is what it means to be a dad is to like you're as you're going along with your your children on the way

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You're saying hey Here's how you should think about that And it's not

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I mean it's not just continual and every you know every moment is a TV dad moment But it should be probably a lot more than what we have right

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Like that's that's the good stuff of parenting is those kind of things right and so I do think

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The timing of the instruction there's there should be just a natural as you're living your life teaching your kid your kids

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How to think about the world what the dangers of the world Actually are helping them to see those dangers.

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You know and I see I Haven't been a perfect dad in those ways and in some ways.

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I I feel like My dad was a much better dad to me you know even though I was critical at times

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But you know it is neat to see my kids Having the reverse of that moments with me where they're seeing the things

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I've taught them and identifying it in the real world And then we're having Conversations about that to where that's a reciprocal kind of thing you understand so that's them

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The timing timing is largely meant to be informal and at the same time like and at the same time there are regular

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Practices that a family can engage upon that give life to the family

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So regular family devotions is one way in which you can formalize

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What we're talking about And I don't really think they have to be overly complicated

35:08

They don't you don't have to be a Bible scholar to do family worship with your family it doesn't have to be all that hard We've tried different things with our kids, and there's no perfect way to do this, but one of the things that we do is we try to get our children to sit down and We'll read through a chapter of the

35:30

Bible, and then I'll ask them all to tell me what they learned and Then I expect that they all be able to give me an answer about something that they learned from what we read and That's something that's very easy to do it doesn't require any hardly any work

35:47

I mean you you should as a I mean you can make it better or worse based on your own preparation as a father

35:53

But you don't have to turn it into a sermon like an hour -long sermon or something like that you can Simply read through a chapter of the

35:59

Bible and tell ask everyone to tell it tell Tell you what they what they remembered, and then you can comment on it and try to help reinforce it

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And so that's one of the things I try to do with our kids We try to do a variety of different things

36:14

Related to this, but that's just like a very easy thing to do and if you make that just a regular pattern in your life

36:19

Then what you're gonna find is you're gonna be slowly going through the Bible with their kids And then what you're going to be doing is teaching your kids as you walk along the way as well, right?

36:28

So you have the formal things you have you have one formal mechanism that you're trying to be faithful to You know what we could be a lot more faithful to these things than what we are for sure

36:39

We can make more of our life devoted to teaching our kids in a formal way than what we do

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But just there's no substitute for starting out with the basics now when I've done that with my kids they went through a

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You know a long time where they hit you read the chapter, and they didn't get anything out of it

36:59

And that's okay. They didn't get anything out of it So what do you say you say hey? You need to make sure you're paying attention next time and then when they do get something out of it

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You really encourage that right like there's a training process But there's a lot of good things that happen from that when you do that at home.

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They learn to sit still They learn basic reading like listening comprehension skills There's no way to learn anything about the

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Bible if you haven't been trained to listen You're like you can think about family devotions in that way as training grounds for what happens in the service if you can teach them to listen to a chapter and Get something out of it even though.

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It's a large chapter They're going to learn to sit still they're going to learn to be quiet They're going to learn to pay attention to some degree

37:45

They're going to grow in that as they get older my kids who are older now They have a lot of things they learn from the passage

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So I try to start out with the youngest first and then get to the older ones my youngest ones will

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Often latch on to the last word. I said They learn and then if they fail at doing anything.

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They'll just say Jesus right God you know Moses you know whatever

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But you know they'll get they'll latch on to something and then I try to really encourage that and not be a tyrant who's you

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Know and disapproval over them. I want to try to encourage they got something out of it But then my older kids have to like listen to all the things the younger kids said and then come up with something different You know and so I expect them to be able to Not just learn one thing but be able to get something that Something new that the other ones didn't get and then

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I even include Elizabeth in that too because I feel like it's my responsibility related to Watching my wife with the water of the word.

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I don't believe that's treating her like a child I believe that's treating her like a husband just saying hey your last honey and She does a wonderful job at all that too

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But you know like my older kids After doing that and getting used to that they can tell me a bunch of different things

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I have to tell them to stop telling me things because Because they may take away opportunities from other people

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To come up with things if they if they say too many things right so But no, that's just a simple thing

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That's a point here is just to say as a parent you don't have to make as father You don't have to make this over how overly hard you may have no experience with this you have no practice with this

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It may be intimidating family worship sounds so formal whatever you may it may seem very intimidating

39:37

But this there's very simple easy ways just to be faithful Like the point is to be faithful the point is not to be a perfectionist and feel like it's your job to You know teach them

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The entirety of the Bible day one or something like that you most of what you're doing is training habits If nothing else you're teaching your kids that God is the most important reality in the universe

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And if you don't get much out of this you realize that this is really important to us And you know you may be surprised at the things that Stick that you don't realize stick even though you thought that not much was happening

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But the timing of this is is meant to be largely organic is as you go along your way

40:17

You're as a as a dad you go along your way. You're supposed to be Looking out for the dangers and trying to warn your children of all the dangers

40:28

Not taking for granted that they're just competent capable You know young people who see the world the way you see it

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They don't see the world the way you see it's your job to help them to see Where the pitfalls are and I mean you think about this as a parent.

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I mean my goodness I've made so many stupid mistakes

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Yet every parent like you think this way I got made so if I could just spare my kids some of them Yeah, I just want to spare them some of them.

40:56

You know like some of the dumb things that I've done It's funny. My younger brother is probably my greatest disciple in the world and I Large it's amazing.

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I did life in a lot of ways the hard way and He would come to me for advice, and I would give

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I would tell him what like I would give him advice based on you Know here's don't do this.

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This is the wrong way to and he listened to me He listened to me on all this and his life has been like remarkably easy compared to mine so his life has been like Very very very easy compared to mine because he wasn't a fool

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Right he wasn't a fool man who loves discipline loves knowledge a man who makes correction. He is stupid. He wasn't a fool

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He came to me and said hey give me some advice, and I did and so then he listened, and it's like man

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If only I knew that when I was younger you know but God's sovereign and there is no plan B And God uses it all for his glory, but at the same time certainly you want to spare your kids of Some of these dangers, so you should teach them to your children

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Talk about them when you're sitting in your house when you're walking by the way when you lie down when you rise This this instruction is largely meant to be informal

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So how does a father bear primary responsibility for children's one by not provoking his children anger bring them up in the discipline instruction world

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To by picking a godly submissive wife who will reinforce his wisdom in a part her own So Proverbs 1 8 here my son your father's instruction forsake not your mother's teaching

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For they are graceful garland to your head and pendants on your neck so if a husband is primary responsible to Wash his wife with the water of the word if he's responsible for his sanctification if he is

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Meant to be a source of instruction for her And you pick a wife who will follow you that wife is going to be like her basic orientation should be

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To be to reinforce your teaching to to the children that should be your primary posture is reinforced your teaching

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Which is not coming directly from you, but from God right so God is teaching you you're

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Trying to wash your wife with the water of the word she is taking your leadership your direction And she's trying to enforce it with the children

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And that should be her primary posture I'm not saying that's her exclusive posture, but her primary posture should be to Because she's under your authority under your teaching submissive to you like Her primary posture should be to be passing on the things that are important to You because they're important to God on to their children in that way, right?

43:38

So you're bearing that primary responsibility by picking a wife who is not just going to be pushing the children in the opposite way

43:45

She's a whole entire time And then you have a tug -of -war that's happening in your home because you're trying to lead one way and your wife is trying to lead

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Another way and she spends the whole time Undermining everything that you're teaching them to do to your children, right?

43:59

So a godly wife is not going to be spending the whole time undermining everything you're trying like the direction you're trying to go

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Be an obstacle in the way of where you think God wants you to go be constantly pushing against that and then

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Taking the kids in a different direction if you can pick a godly submissive wife

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It'll be easier right she's gonna make your job of leading a joy and not groaning right

44:23

It's not going to be a groaning because what's going to happen is you're going to be trying to follow God And in telling your family what that means and she's going to be reinforcing that and supporting that and then she's also going to be imparting wisdom of her own

44:37

That comes from being a female Right that comes from being a female so children need both kinds of parents.

44:46

I mean, it's remarkable if you It's remarkable to observe

44:53

Children that are just raised by a father the difference between those kind of children and To observe children that are just raised by a mother and the differences between those two children are

45:06

Very discernible and very obvious. Okay, so you're living in a world right now where So many children are being raised solely by mothers

45:16

To their father's shame right to the because the fathers are out of the picture for a variety of reasons

45:23

That you can see the product of that You can see the product of that men today don't have the courage that they should have

45:33

They don't they don't have the courage that they should have they're overly fearful overly afraid overly emotional

45:43

Prioritize their feelings in a way, they shouldn't like make their feelings decisive in terms of their identity I mean, but the opposite is true, too.

45:50

If you see a child that's raised just by a father and not a mother There are obvious temptations that happen on the other side.

46:00

I mean, uh, Orson Scott Card, he wrote some books about this

46:10

He's a Mormon don't Listen to But I'm just trying to say that even the pagans understand what happens when a father just raises a child by itself that child could be

46:21

Rigid that child could be stoic a child could lack sensitivity lack compassion, right can at times to be prone to Recklessness and insensitivity, right all those things.

46:33

So there's There is like a son needs both You know daughters need both influences and then

46:41

God in his wisdom is designed that the father play a primary role right in the formation of The direction they're going but then the woman plays that necessary and supportive role

46:53

That is not intended just to be a clash forever but is intent is intent in attempted to impart additional wisdom of her own that is

47:06

Necessary So, I often think it's pretty interesting to hear

47:12

Elizabeth's observations about situations Where I pick up on certain details and she picks up on completely different Kinds of details and has completely different kinds of insight, you know, whatever

47:24

I've counseled with her with other people I've benefited from hearing her perspective on things because she sees things that I Am not as Prone to see to So picking

47:42

God Lali's submissive wife will who are reinforces Reinforces wisdom part around and then three placing his children under the teaching of qualified elders who teach some doctrine

47:52

For the purpose of our time, whatever time we have left And I haven't stopped to ask for questions, so maybe that was a good point

48:02

We can do that if there are any feel free to raise your hands. Oh, oh,

48:20

I'm sorry No, no No, it's something Smotty S -m -a -h -d -i.

48:36

I don't know. I can't spell them but it's it's like Enlightenment Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay

48:55

Placing his children as teaching qualified elders who teach sound doctrine, you know Like I think if you think about these things as it relates to the church.

49:03

I do want to think about these things related to the formal church structure because we are doing a class on the church and I do think a father bears primary responsibility for the instruction of his children and there are some remarkable passages that I've mentioned that place that responsibility firmly on his shoulder

49:20

I'm thinking about Deuteronomy Ephesians Deuteronomy 6 Ephesians 6

49:26

Joshua right as for me and my house will serve the Lord There is a responsibility that father has towards the instruction of his children and one of the things that's very noticeable when you read through the

49:36

New Testament is that the New Testament really When when you think about a doctrine of the church in the

49:42

New Testament You're not going to find that the New Testament is actively placing upon a church

49:50

Many of the expectations that we have for churches today in the 21st century so you think about the

50:00

The nature of what the church is called to do The church like formally is not really called to create

50:12

Specific formal teaching ministries for every conceivable gender demographic age group life stage

50:26

Everything else like I think I'm trying to say something fairly obvious here that everyone should agree upon as an observation as an observation as an observation if you look at what churches in America do and you try to Substantiate it from the scripture in terms of finding specific instruction directed towards it that what you're going to find is like Just complete absence of any real teaching in the

50:56

Bible that is positively directing us to do certain things, right? so you go into your standard megachurch you go into your standard medic megachurch today, and you're gonna see that your standard megachurch today has

51:10

Specific teaching occasions for almost every demographic Imaginable.

51:16

I mean you even have churches that are devoted towards particular like niche identities like your cowboy church or something like that, right you so you think about the

51:26

American church is very Fragmented in the way that they think about these things and the assumption that undergirds that project is the assumption that in order to feel safe Feel community you have to surround yourself by people who are like you who are in the same life stage that you're in right?

51:45

That's kind of the the thing so like you have churches that have divorced women's ministries, right?

51:51

So you have churches that you have your cowboy churches right now you think all right? Well, that's these are extreme examples.

51:58

I'm using these examples just to illustrate a principle, and then I'm going to ask you to Evaluate that principle is the principle taught right so the principle being that the church has a unique responsibility to form like special teaching

52:15

Opportunities for unique kinds of people at different kinds of stages of life, right?

52:21

So you think about your standard church you have all the children's ministries That churches have the more that people embrace like as churches the idea that you need age -specific instruction for children the more classes you create so you can have a bare minimum view of that or you can have a

52:41

Maximum view of that right to where you take that logic, and you run with it but So you have all the children thing which typically there's there's pressure to model it after the public school system age divisions

52:54

Okay, so you have that related to children you have that related to men and women like where you need very specific a bunch of men's formal teaching a bunch of women's formal teaching that Is trying to cover the same kind of territory?

53:10

You have you have to do that for singles, so you have singles things You have to do that for young married couples because they have their own unique challenges, then you have to do that for Old married couples right who are past the age of childbearing

53:25

So then what you end up having is a bunch of groups that you create Related to all these things and then

53:35

I mean I I would presume that I Would presume that everyone here would agree that a lot of the ethnic

53:46

Segregation is bad That would be bad wouldn't it we would agree with that, but you you do think about There are voices within the

53:56

Evangelical Church today that are advocating positively for safe spaces for African -american people like in the church

54:05

To where they need their own Events their own conferences their own teaching instruction that's safe.

54:10

You know for them that so they won't be triggered in the wake of You know some social issues, and so you think about all that you think man like well

54:20

How do we go to the Bible and establish any of this? How do we do it that would be a question that you ask like where do you where does this come from because when?

54:29

You read the Bible you see that the whole church gathers together In one place okay, so the church's comes together as a body

54:38

Frequently when you read through first Corinthians you're gonna find the whole church gathers together right so in The front of the handout you're gonna see this in church language right the women should keep silent in churches language in churches means

54:50

The gathering like the gathering of the Saints like there are gatherings of the Saints that are commanded

54:56

And it's all a unified gathering and so one of the amazing things about what Jesus has done is Jesus has come to earth

55:02

And he unified a bunch of diverse people. That's what he did He unified a bunch of diverse people

55:09

So he took a tax collector. He took a zealot right He You know he took a bunch of fishermen right so he took people of low economic standing people of high economic standing

55:20

Yeah, you know people who are politically revolutionary People who are politically compromised right and part of the oppressor groups

55:31

He put them all together, and then you know what he added Gentiles in there, too And he made a church and what unified them was their shared relationship to Christ What unified them was not their own particular perspectives and outlook and stage of life and Everything else like that's not really what you know what unified them was their shared commitment of Christ And when you think about what the church is the church really is meant to be a fairly simple thing where believers gathered together

55:59

To worship the Lord under the teaching of the elders and so if you just ask basic questions about what is a church?

56:06

Well, it's a bunch of people who have like diverse kind of people who have been redeemed by Jesus Who have been incorporated into one body?

56:18

That that everyone think about the language of first Corinthians here about the body everyone is a member of the body my kids you know

56:26

Who believe they're members of a body right like the issue is like you think about that language of?

56:32

Membership like there were all members of one body they all Did we all have different gifts those gifts are respond help are required to help us minister to each other

56:45

In love like we're supposed to build each other up So this is what I'm trying to say is everyone who is a member is a picture of a unity

56:54

That's what I'm trying to say okay. There's a picture of unity. That's what the church says and so then if you were think well

57:01

What is a father's primary responsibility well? I think he has primary responsibility to teach his kids and Then he's going to do that personally through formal instruction.

57:12

He's going to do that personally through corrective discipline He's going to do that through by means of his wife.

57:18

He's going to put them under the qualified teaching of the elders They're going to faithfully attend the regular gatherings of the church the elders seem necessary for the life of the body

57:26

Like there are spiritual authorities above him. Oh, I'm trying to say is the picture of the New Testament Church is fairly simple

57:33

It's fairly simple. That's what I'm trying to say. It's fairly simple and There isn't really this

57:40

As you look at the church there really is no imperative to divide it all up by age interest

57:51

Race Life stage Like that that all that all those divisions are not naturally arising out of the out of the text is what

58:01

I'm trying to say They're not naturally arising out of the text and so that would tell me That the New Testament authors didn't see all those divisions as something that were necessary Because if they were all necessary then we would be taught in the

58:15

Bible to make all those kind of visions But because we are not recalled in the Bible to make all those divisions

58:21

Then I would just say that I don't think that God really intended it to work that way

58:26

So this is this is basically an argument from silence I'm making in the sense of if we're gonna say that We need a lot of these things

58:37

Then we need to show from the Bible where the Bible teaches these kind of divisions

58:42

And how does that affect our doctrine of the church? That's what we need to do. Do we have a doctrine of a church?

58:48

How do all these different things affect that? Because you have a plan that's plate put put forward in the

58:54

Bible that's fairly unified and specific So I can teach I can stand before the

59:00

Lord and say an elder like a husband a father should Take his children and place them under the teaching of elders, right?

59:10

I can say that beyond that. I don't I don't know that I can make a formal case that There's more needed from the church like like a church is required to Create schools for the training of children or things like that.

59:26

I don't see that really as Something that is naturally arising out of the text now you can say hey, well could it be beneficial maybe?

59:35

And then you would have value if you say hey, all right, the Bible doesn't command it. Maybe it's beneficial

59:41

Let me make you a case for why it's beneficial Okay, but then like you definitely don't want to teach that as something that thus says the

59:50

Lord This is an imperative churches are failing to do these things In fact, I mean the more that a father does his job in the home the less

01:00:01

I feel like you know what there's this imperative to Create more things, you know on the side that are

01:00:14

Absolutely Necessary for the health of The family so and I I would at the very least want to say that We do need to be raising up a generation of parents who take this

01:00:30

These things that we've taught way more seriously than what we do And it's it's fairly obvious that you're living in church culture and society right now where a lot of these things are not being done

01:00:40

To Hardly at all at home and then there's an expectation that the church is going to just do the almost the entirety

01:00:49

Or other educators are going to do almost the entirety of this job for the parents and that certainly is a problem

01:00:56

But if you think about what like how is he bear responsibility for his children's instruction? Well, I do think he's placing his children

01:01:03

Teaching of qualified elders who are going to teach sound doctrine, but any questions along these lines before we wrap up for time here today

01:01:17

Comments requests for clarity.

01:01:31

I hope One closing. I do hope that we can Encourage a generation of young people to take on these responsibilities more fully and that's something that I'm very concerned about I'm very concerned about because I do know like personally

01:01:53

I Feel like I was I had a good father who was taught me what it means to be a

01:02:03

Christian who taught me what it means to be a man and I look around I say that I see that we don't have a

01:02:08

Lot of those things and I don't think that the answer Did that problem? It's going to be found and just completely short -circuiting that responsibility for parents

01:02:20

I think the way we're going to fulfill that is by encouraging parents to step into those roles more than they're used to in general and that is

01:02:30

These are you guys to understand these are observations that are coming from someone who has not been here very long

01:02:37

I'm giving you observations from what I've seen in church where I'm at.

01:02:43

I'm not looking at you guys and saying Here's what you're doing wrong and here's how to fix it.

01:02:49

I'm just telling you that these are broad societal trends that we need to be aware of but Let's pray

01:02:58

Lord, we do. Thank you for what you've done. Thank you for sending Jesus to die on the cross for us.

01:03:04

We know that Without him we are lost We have no hope of earning merit or favor before you

01:03:13

We desperately need you we need your word which is a lamp unto our feet and a light to our path

01:03:20

Lord we need To honor you with our ways and we know that your your plan is right and your purposes

01:03:27

Will stand and the grass withers and the flower fades, but your word will stand forever

01:03:33

We we know that in obeying you that is the path to blessing and you've given us everything

01:03:38

We need in your word for life and godliness. I pray that we trust in your word And in your means in order to accomplish your purposes in your sons.