Husband’s/Father’s Responsibility of Family Instruction Part 2

Ephesians 6:4 and the Father's Primary Responsibility

We're using the same handout we used last week, and we're going to be Spending the bulk of our time on the back of the handout so you can I suppose you can ignore the front Because we do that last week, but if you do have any questions related to either either side of this feel free to ask.

And we can deal with those too, but let's start our time here today with Ephesians 6 4 and That will set the tone of what we're going to be talking about today, which is the father's Primary responsibility for his children's instruction so Ephesians 6 4 says this Fathers do not provoke your children to anger But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Now when you think about Ephesians 6 4 this is one of those remarkable passages which Really isn't very egalitarian in its orientation what I mean by that is we are in the section of Ephesians, which is devoted to the household codes and When you think about what's happening related to this these sections of instruction you are God is giving by virtue of Paul specific instructions for how homes should be run and What you would expect you know living in an egalitarian world which tries to minimize the differences between men and women you would expect Ephesians 6 4 to be more directed towards the mother Along those lines and really when you think about the fact that the mother's instruction is not mentioned This is a significant absence in that way.

Now there are entailments to that absence and I haven't Spelled out what those entailments are yet at this point. I'm simply noticing the absence and So we have to make some kind of sense of that absence is my point here today so the fact that fathers are put forward as Given specific instructions relating to the raising of the children in a way that the mothers are not.

I'm simply suggesting at this point that that's a significant detail and it reflects a Significant omission and I understand that arguments of silence are typically weak arguments. So I'm noticing that there is a missing mother's instruction here.

That may have some theological relevance or theological significance. I understand that that is an argument from silence, but at the same time Arguments from silence are not always poor arguments if There is an expectation of thunderous noise and I would suggest that in this section.

There is an expectation of thunderous noise. Like meanings this is significant. This is a detail that's mentioned. So if you think about the way in which the household codes or structures structured they start out Ephesians 5 22 with wives submitting to their own husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband's they have the wife even as Christ is the head of a church his body and is himself its Savior. Then chapter and then verse 25. It says husbands love your wife. So you're defining certain roles within the family.

So roles are first wife submit to your own husband as to Lord. Verse 25 husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her With the washing of the water of words, so he might present the church to himself without spot or wrinkle or any such thing.

So you have this husband's responsibility to instruct his wife as Christ does for the church to love his wife to give himself up for her and Give her what she needs including the teaching of the Bible when you get to chapter 6 You're going to have children are responsible to obey their parents in the Lord for this is right.

So notice this is grounded on the commandment honor your father and mother. Which is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and the land and then we're told That specifically as it relates to parenting.

This is all we have here, right? So related to the household codes all we have related to parenting is children Obey your parents which includes father and mother and then fathers don't provoke your children anger.

But bring them up in the discipline instruction of the Lord. There is a responsibility For bringing children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord that is placed firmly on the husband's Shoulders and because this passage is fairly comprehensive about household roles.

I Would say that that omission the fact that that responsibility is not placed in the same way on the mother's shoulders is somewhat Significant so you go out from there you describe other human relationships.

So in verse 5 bond servants are told to obey their earthly masters with fear and trembling and then masters are told to Do the same to them and stop their threatening knowing that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven.

So there's no partiality with him. My point here is just to suggest that these household codes are intended to be fairly Comprehensive in their structure and their ordering and so this is a fairly Significant thing that there is instruction given to the father's at this point.

That's not the same instruction given to the mother now. What are we to make of these things that's the question that we should Seek to answer today. What are we to make of these things? Well, I think what we should make of these things is that a father bears the primary responsibility for his children's Instruction now that doesn't mean that a mother bears no responsibility for their children's instruction.

In fact as you read through the book of Proverbs, you're going to see that children are told to in Proverbs 1 8 Hear my son your father's instruction and forsake not your mother's teaching for they are graceful garland for your head and pendants to your neck.

There are several Points in Proverbs where children are told to not forsake their mother's teaching in their mother's teaching. You should understand that to be something that's fairly different than their father's teaching like meaning She has her own unique wisdom to impart to her sons Also that comes from her and her life experience.

And so there is such a thing as a mother's instruction but I do think that the fact that fathers are singled out here is significant and that is Going to give some indication of his primary responsibility for the instruction of his children now.

How does a father fulfill this responsibility? Well, he fulfills the responsibility one By not provoking his children to anger but bring them up in the dis bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

This is a This is a statement the first part of this the not provoking your children to anger. This is a statement that Early on in my Christian in the Christian life. I was tempted to view as if it were Just a normal observation about the general temperament and orientation of fathers, so if you have Observed fathers with their children for any length of time you might notice that fathers have a great capacity to tease their children and in fact you know many fathers seem to think that the whole of their fatherly duty is fulfilled by Mercilessly teasing their children from start to finish and while I think this passage may have some Relevance to that in some way.

I don't really think that that's the primary point of starting out this household code instruction on parenting with Fathers not provoking your children to anger. There are many many different ways in which a father can provoke their children to anger.

That thoughtful people should be aware of. I hope at some point to do a class on this because I do think that It's very helpful to think through some of the ways in which fathers can provoke their children to anger.

But I think there's many ways that I can just mention in a cursory way right now that fathers do this In contrast to what they should be doing okay, so For example like a father who is overly distracted.

That's going to be a significant source of frustration for their children. The father who's too busy father is a workaholic Who's not available? He's going to be a significant source of provocation to His children.

A father who you know fails to actually do the latter to bring their children up in the discipline instruction of Lord. He's going to be provoking that child to anger because folly is bound up in the heart of a child.

The rod of correction is going to drive it far from them. So a father who refuses to Engage in what's called corrective discipline or even formative discipline is going to be a source of provocation. For his children.

Father who is proud who is arrogant who refuses to acknowledge that he's done anything wrong that will be a father who has a capacity to Provoke his children to anger. A father who is overly harsh who is overly critical who set standards that are impossible to meet.

Who His the almost the soul of his interactions with his children are going to be negative. Those are fathers who are going to provoke his their children to anger. I could Needless to say I can go on and on and on about the many ways in which this can happen.

And I don't really think the point here is just to say I don't really think that this responsibility centers on The impermissibility of some good-natured Teasing. I don't think that's really the point although that can obviously be overdone but There are natural temptations that a father has that can lead a children and his children into anger and and I think it's pretty surprising that that's Put forward in your one verse in the household codes on parenting, right?

So I mean of all the things that you wish that maybe Paul would elaborate on a little more than what he did. It would be this verse on parenting that we see here in Ephesians 6 4 and really you don't have a whole lot here in terms of content and You may be discouraged by that.

Because you may wish that there was a bit more but Let me encourage you right? Let me encourage you that that really isn't something to be discouraged about. That's just something that says that the nature of parenting is really not meant to be difficult.

It's not really meant to be hard like in terms of conceptually. Parenting really isn't supposed to be this impossible task that no one can figure out what to do. It really is fathers not provoking your children to anger but bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

There's a lot in each one of those categories ways in which parents can provoke and then what does it mean to bring them up? In the discipline and instruction of Lord. There's a lot in there to that and if you just do the basics.

Well, you have figured out the task to great measure. So So there's a lot there in the provoking part because we're going to be dealing with the instruction part today. I'm going to Talk about that to greater length than what I've done with the provoking part here today.

But yes. Look forward to maybe something on that in the future where we can spend a little bit more time on that. So what have we said so far a father bears primary responsibility for his children's instruction.

He fulfills that responsibility by what by one not provoking his children to anger. But by bringing them up in the discipline instruction of Lord, and so it may be helpful to think through some of what we're talking about in this Discipline and structure in instruction of the Lord.

So let's think about the nature of this instruction. The word there in Greek is the word new thesia. There was an entire biblical counseling movement that was called new thetic counseling that was built upon this word.

And understanding of what this word actually is. I mean the biblical counseling movement wasn't just an extrapolation of one word. I'm just trying to say that they took their their impulse in naming The counseling movement from that word right in that word new thesia.

Now that word new thesia new thesia is counsel about avoidance or cessation of an improper course of conduct admonition or instruction so the nature of the instruction here is that the It's found in this word counsel, that's what it is.

When fathers are told to not provoke their children anger, but bring them up in the discipline instruction of Lord. They're told to provide counsel for their child and there's obviously two forms of counsel.

So when you think about The way in which you even understand counsel, there's the counsel of God that we find in his word. So there is the instruction of the the Lord and then there's the instruction of the enemy.

You see these two forms of counsel in the garden. Where the tempter tempts Eve? to reject God's counsel. He tempts Eve to think that God is a stingy God who is overly restrictive who isn't out for her good who?

Has withheld something for her that's needful. So you see these two forms of counsel you see that God's counsel to them do not eat of the fruit of the tree of Knowledge good and evil because in the day you eat of it dying you will die.

You see the enemy's counsel, which is in opposition to that and that's a Framework which you should use to view the world itself. So when you think about the nature of what you're doing as a parent. You think about the nature of a father's primary job and instructing their children his children.

He he it is his job to guard the counsel of God and to give that counsel to the child. Knowing that that child is living in a world that is trying to counsel him in opposition to everything that God says.

So here's the thing, I mean, there's there's many people who are clamoring for influence for your children and They're being discipled by someone, you know, we we seem to think as Christians with the sensitive conscience at times that we Need to be careful and how we impose our counsel upon others.

We need to kind of give them a wide berth maybe only give counsel when they ask right and that's kind of our orientation when we think about counsel in general is Hey, I'm here to help you if you want me to help you, but I don't need to insert myself into your situation.

I don't need to be too direct to direct. So we think that way because we've largely been trained to be polite. Even though the Bible basically tells us that we're supposed to be our brother's keeper. We're supposed to admonish one another exhort one another correct one another rebuke one another if you see someone wandering from the truth.

You're supposed to go after him, right? You see a sheep wandering you leave the 99 you go after the other. We're we're told to have responsibilities towards one another and we generally try to shy away from those.

Here's the thing like you're living in a world that doesn't shy away from these things at all. They pretend like they do they pretend like they do but they're constantly trying to mold you into their image.

And you can't even watch TV show. You can't what if you have any kind of discernment or awareness that you watch TV shows. You'll realize like They're trying to mold me into their image there and there and there and there and there, you know, they're not neutral.

What they're saying is not neutral. They have counsel they have suggestions. They have wisdom. They're trying to brainwash you and You know often as Christians we see the main things we see the big things, but then we're more Hoodwink by some of the more subtle lies, but here's the point the nature of this instruction is counsel and Fathers are to give their sons.

The counsel of God in contrast to the counsel of the world. So this is counsel is the counsel about the avoidance or cessation of improper course of conduct. It's admonition. It's instruction. This is The Bible is saying fathers like you don't provoke your children to anger but you bear this primary responsibility to ensure that they have the counsel of God and Not simply the counsel of the world.

Okay? That's the nature of the instruction. It's counsel. What about the content of the instruction? You notice what Deuteronomy 6 7 is saying here. You shall teach them diligently to your children. What is the father to teach diligently to his children this is another verse.

Aiming this say making the same point where fathers are primarily charged with teaching God's commandments, right? God's commandments to your children. You should talk about them when you sit in your house and you walk on the way when you lie down when you rise.

This is life lifestyle counseling. But what is the content is the content of God's word his commandments his expectations? And it often in the Bible it takes the form of wisdom. Okay? Think about what the Proverbs are.

What are the Proverbs? The Proverbs are basically Solomon applying Deuteronomy 6 to his child. That's what it is, right? The Proverbs are Solomon doing Deuteronomy 6 and in an anachronistic way Obeying Ephesians 6 4 you understand that's what it is.

That's what the Proverbs are. Have you ever thought about that? Go to the opening book Opening of Proverbs for a minute and we can read a little bit of that and I can show you what I mean often, I mean when you read Proverbs this is a collection of wisdom sayings.

It's not heavily structured. Proverbs are not heavily structured. In the way that many books are heavily structured, but they're but they're not falling prey to no discernible structure whatsoever. Okay, so when you read the book of Proverbs You see at the very beginning the purpose of these Proverbs.

So the Proverbs of the Solomon son of David king of Israel. To know wisdom and instruction to understand words of insight to receive instruction of wise dealing and righteous justice and equity. To give prudence to the simple knowledge to the discretion to the youth.

Let the wise hear and increase in learning and let the one who understands obtain a guidance to obtain a proverb in saying the words of the wise and the real so got so Solomon is saying right here that their purpose is To give knowledge and discretion to the youth their purpose is not limited to that.

It's also to give prudence to the simple as well. So everyone can benefit from the Proverbs, but in the first instance, these are a father telling his son, right? Proverbs of Solomon son of David king of Israel passing on wisdom.

So how did what form do they take? Well, look look at verse 8. Here my son my son your father's instruction forsake not your mother's teaching for they are graceful garland on your head. Impendence upon your your neck my son if sinners entice you do not consent.

If they say come let us lie wait for blood. Let us ambush the innocent without reason like shale. Let us swallow them up alive and and whole as those who go down to the pit. What you find is a Father passing on his instruction to his son telling him not to forsake his instruction also the instruction of his mother as I said Mother is also responsible for providing instruction to the children.

Verse 2 art chapter 2 you see the same kind of thing my son if you receive my words and treasure of my commandments with You making your son your ear attended to wisdom and climbing your heart to understanding.

Yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding if you seek it like silver and search for it like hidden Treasures, then you understand the fear of the Lord find the knowledge of God so Point here is just to say these kind of statements go on and on and on primarily.

This is the son our father trying to pass on his wisdom to his son and telling him about the nature of what wisdom is and what does it look like and then what you find is what this. Same thing in chapter 3 verse 1 you it just goes on that same thing.

Okay, the point here is just to say that wisdom comes in these in the form of Statements of general truth about the way that life works. Okay, so that like this Proverbs like the book of Proverbs is a father.

Trying to obey Deuteronomy 6 Book of Proverbs is a father and agonistically trying to obey Ephesians 6 4 now I say that ironically, but Ephesians 6 4 is basically just telling you what the Old Testament already told you.

Do you understand? It's not really anything new. This isn't like new New Testament teaching it's basically just a short one-sentence summary of The responsibility for these things already laid out in the Old Testament.

So what is the content of? Proverbs. I'm just going to give you a quick a few quick words on this this just meant to be a summary of Proverbs that is Not comprehensive. It's definitely not exhaustive.

It's probably not comprehensive, but it's you know, giving you a general feel for the main things that you're gonna find there. Okay, so what you know, what what does the content of this instruction in terms of wisdom look like?

Well pursue wisdom and understanding. So a father should teach his son to pursue wisdom and understanding to value wisdom and understanding above all else. That wisdom is the principal thing therefore to get it avoid wicked people and paths so as you Look through the problems.

You're gonna see this theme happening over and over again avoid wicked people and path, right? Wicked people and path so avoid the path of wicked people do not walk in the way of evil men. Stay away from the foolish man for there.

You will not find Knowledge on his lips like the Proverbs in general are designed to help a young man. Keep him from the forbidden woman who's going to forsake the companion of youth. So The the Proverbs are designed to help like for a fought from her father to teach a young man.

Like who to avoid right? Who to not have close friendships with because your friendships will influence you so avoid wicked people wicked paths. Beware of immorality and adultery. I mean, I hope as you Think about that as a summary many many Bible verses come to mind in Proverbs that are Pointing you to that very thing.

So you're the son is told to avoid the adulterous woman. Go don't go near the door of her house. You have that dramatic picture of the young man. Going into the wrong place at the wrong time being greeted by the wrong kind of woman.

Wearing the wrong kind of clothes with the wrong kind of attitude, right? That he is described as and like an ox going into a slaughter because he's rejected wisdom at that point. So avoid the adulterous woman don't go near the doors the door of her house.

But then over and over again, the young man is told to rejoice in the wife of his youth in contrast to that. So you're not just trying to kill those desires. What you're trying to do is channel them to the right direction.

Not the wrong one, right? That's his point. So beware of immorality and adultery. Guard your heart. To guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life. That doesn't mean to turn yourself into a stoic monk who has no passions whatsoever and has no desires and has achieved smarty.

That's not the point, right? That's not what it's talking about when it says to guard your heart. What he's talking about when he's saying to guard your heart is you definitely don't just Give your love and affection to everyone.

Do you don't just give your you need to be careful that you are thinking clearly about the situations that you find yourself in so that's not going to be just found in some kind of Stoic posture towards life where you're unfeeling but at the same time you need to be careful that you do not give all your affections to the adulterous woman and Allow all of your affections to be bound up into something that won't be good for you.

You should be seeking to honor the Lord first. Watch your words. So Keep your mouth free from perversity. Keep corrupt talk far from your lips. That's Proverbs 4 24 over and over again, the tongue has power of life and death like You know apples of gold and settings of silver is a word fitly spoken.

There's many many many many proverbs that are related to the importance of your lips. Like being slow to speak not giving an answer before you hear because that's folly and shame. Watch your words, right?

That's a summary embrace discipline. Fathers are called by God to help their children to embrace embrace discipline. So notice what it says in Ephesians 4 6 fathers do not provoke your children anger.

But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That discipline has two forms. Right. Okay, so there's there's formative discipline and there's correction corrective discipline. Formative discipline would be Helping your children to adopt Practices which are going to help them to honor the Lord.

So example formative discipline could be family worship. Discipline to family worship. I mean formative discipline can include many different things that may not be specifically spiritual. Like formative discipline could be teaching them Postures of reconciliation.

It could even be teaching them to exercise Things so I mean there's any number of good habits that you teach That are related to this topic of discipline that all of which are not just Practice the spiritual discipline, although reading your Bible praying that's formative discipline.

Corrective discipline is what happens when? When the child rejects the right course of action and you want to steer them towards the proper course so formative discipline is helping them to adopt the The practices necessary to be faithful to God in all areas of life.

Corrective discipline is what happens when? The child embraces folly and sinfulness in that way, but notice embrace discipline. Do not despise the Lord's discipline nor be wary of his reproof. Heed instruction and discipline in order to be wise.

There's many many proverbs on that so embrace discipline. Avoid laziness and embrace diligent diligence. So go to the aunt you sluggard consider his ways be wise avoid laziness. The hand of the diligent make makes rich.

Practice righteousness and justice so notice. There are many proverbs related to this as well to do justice to do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice. Seek justice correct oppression.

Keep good company that's similar to the avoid wicked people and paths at that point keep good company. So that the avoiding the bad company is one part of that the keeping good company. Like pursuing good company to keep is The the opposite of that right so he who walks with wise men will be wise but the companion that fools will suffer harm.

Manage your finances wisely so do not do not be one who shakes hands in the pledge or puts up security for debt debts. Under the Lord with your wealth and the firstfruits of all your produce. So manage your finances wisely.

The Bible the prophets have a lot to say about that. Fathers should be teaching their children to manage their finances. Well. They shouldn't just be. You know Raising them up having them never thought about money before in their life, and then just say all right.

Go figure it out. You know figure out how to pay all your bills. Figure out what to do. This is the first time you have money now you have a lot more money than what you think. So we blow it all on a bunch of stuff that you Don't need because you've never learned what to do with money before right.

So manage finances wisely. Speak truth and avoid lies. Lying lips are an abomination of the Lord, but those who act faithfully are at his delight. Exercise self-control so a person without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

What a what a sobering thought right. It's amazing. Yeah when I grew up I Think like any child. I probably was more critical of my parents than I should be and Yeah, so I think I when I grew up because I'm a sinner.

You know I'm a sinner. I have a sinful heart. My sinful heart and gravitates towards all the things that they're doing wrong right like all the things that they're doing wrong. And and then you don't really see all the good that they did as parents.

You see all the bad stuff that they did wrong, but I remember when I studied Proverbs. Early on in my life as a Christian as after I got out of the house, and I went through this list of things. And it was it was very sobering to me to look at that list of things and think oh, man.

My dad did almost all that. Right I thought he I thought he could have done a lot better job as a parent growing up. You know dad if you're listening to this I was a sinner. Forgive me. No, but I you look at this and you think man like He did almost all that and I benefited from that and I don't deserve to benefit from that and I was in great.

Yeah, I was ungrateful about it. But I am very thankful That I received many of these things and I know that not everyone has so I Wasn't expecting to get emotional about that some don't tell me one. But here's the point there is a nature of the instruction is counsel.

There is the content of the instruction, and I've given you kind of a brief overview Of what that looks like and then you see the timing of the instruction, and I think this is fairly significant. So Deuteronomy 11 19 says you shall teach them diligently to your children.

Talking about them when you're sitting in your house. And when you're walking on your way, and when you lie down and when you arise. So when you think about the timing of this instruction this Much of this Father bring your don't provoke your children to anger.

But bring them up and discipline instruction of Lord much of this is not really meant to be formal. I Think we put a lot of pressure on ourself in general as parents to We. To make all the entirety of all of this like feel like it needs to be slotted into some.

Like unique events or something like that. And I don't really think that that's the nature of what parenting really looks like is meant to look like so. Parenting is not really meant to look like Like a classroom from start to finish.

That's not what it's it's meant to look like we have other things that were called to do don't we? So God has put us on the earth. He's given us responsibility, so we're told to be fruitful and multiple.

I feel the earth and subdue it. Like we're given vocation. We're given jobs to do we're giving jobs to perform and What parenting is supposed to look like is bringing your children along? In all of your affairs and teaching them how to think about the world as you go along.

I mean we used to have a concept of this with the TV dad right. I mean the TV dad's kind of gone at this point. He doesn't exist anymore. But remember sitcoms the TV get dad where you have the story going along and then there was the moment where the dad gives the life lesson.

Like we we don't have that concept anymore of the light life lesson. You know where the camera stops and like the third wall is broken and the father is talking to you. You know we don't have that kind of concept anymore.

But that is what it means to be a dad is to like you're as you're going along with your your children on the way. You're saying hey. Here's how you should think about that. And it's not I mean it's not just continual and every you know every moment is a TV dad moment.

But it should be probably a lot more than what we have right. Like that's that's the good stuff of parenting is those kind of things right and so I do think. The timing of the instruction there's there should be just a natural as you're living your life teaching your kid your kids How to think about the world what the dangers of the world Actually are helping them to see those dangers.

You know and I see I Haven't been a perfect dad in those ways and in some ways. I feel like My dad was a much better dad to me. You know even though. I was critical at times. But you know it is neat to see my kids Having the reverse of that moments with me where they're seeing the things I've taught them and identifying it in the real world and then We're having Conversations about that to where that's a reciprocal kind of thing you understand so that's them.

The timing timing is largely meant to be informal and at the same time. And at the same time there are regular practices that a family can engage upon that give life to the family. So regular family devotions is one way in which you can formalize What we're talking about and I don't really think they have to be overly complicated.

They don't you don't have to be a Bible scholar to do family worship with your family it doesn't have to be all that hard. We've tried different things with our kids, and there's no perfect way to do this, but one of the things that we do is we try to Get our children to sit down and we'll read through a chapter of the Bible, and then I'll ask them all to tell me what they learned and Then I expect that they all be able to give me an answer about something that they learned from what we read.

And that's something that's very easy to do it doesn't require any hardly any work. I mean you you should as a I mean you can make it better or worse based on your own preparation as a father. But you don't have to turn it into a sermon like an hour-long sermon or something like that.

You can simply read through a chapter of the Bible and tell ask everyone to tell it tell. Tell you what they what they remembered and then you can comment on it and try to help reinforce it. And so that's one of the things I try to do with our kids.

We try to do a variety of different things Related to this, but that's just like a very easy thing to do and if you make that just a regular pattern in your life. Then what you're gonna find is you're gonna be slowly going through the Bible with their kids.

And then what you're gonna be doing is teaching your kids as you walk along the way as well, right? So you have the formal things you have one formal mechanism that you're trying to be faithful to. You know what we could be a lot more faithful to these things than what we are for sure.

We could make more of our life devoted to teaching our kids in a formal way than what we do. But just there's no substitute for starting out with the basics now when I've done that with my kids they went through a You know a long time where they hit you read the chapter, and they didn't get anything out of it, and that's okay.

They didn't get anything out of it. So what do you say you say hey you need to make sure you're paying attention next time and then. When they do get something out of it you really encourage that right like there's a training process.

But there's a lot of good things that happen from that when you do that at home. They learn to sit still. They learn basic reading like listening comprehension skills. There's no way to learn anything about the Bible if you haven't been trained to listen.