Wholly Holy At Home - [1 Peter 3:1-7]

Years ago when my wife and I were still in Los Angeles, in fact, when we were still attending

Pastor Mike's Bible study, we adopted a young woman who attended, and I say adopted in the generic, general sense.

She would come home with us on Sunday afternoon, spend time at our home, and my wife spent countless hours with her.

And she began dating a young man who was also attending the Bible study. And after a short period of time, and Mike had left after this time, but they wanted to get married.

And our pastor called Janet and I and said, Would you be willing to come in and sit in on a counseling session

I'm having with this young couple? I was more than happy to do that.

And I remember it vividly. We urged this young woman, we begged and pleaded with her not to marry this man.

Because we could see virtually no evidence that he was a Christian. And it was not clear, or it was absolutely clear, that even if he was a

Christian, he was not ready to be a spiritual leader, her spiritual leader. Now predictably, because the process had gone too far, they were too involved, they ignored our counsel, they ignored the counsel of our pastor, they went to Las Vegas, they got married, and then they just sort of faded away.

She wound up, I'm confident, although we've lost contact with her, with a husband that, if he loved

Christ, was kind of neutral in most things. Going to church was never going to be a priority.

Studying the Word of God was never going to be a priority. And she wound up very, as we would say, unequally yoked.

And the sad truth in the Christian church is that situations like this are all too common.

Believers marry unbelievers. How do they do that? Well, they convince themselves that the other person is either a

Christian, will be a Christian, they're close to being a Christian, they're almost a

Christian, they're mostly a Christian, however it is. What else happens in the

Christian church? Two unbelievers get married. One gets saved and the other one doesn't.

One man, one woman, one flesh, one

God -ordained union, but no unity in their response to the gospel.

No unity in their love for the Lord Jesus Christ. No unity in their love for the truth.

Now, last week, we looked as Peter instructed us on how to shut the mouths of those who bring allegations against the gospel or against Christians themselves.

He said the key was submitting to the God -given authority over you, whether it was the government or your boss, knowing that this pleases

God because you're ultimately submitting to God. Who has put that person in authority over you?

We learned it doesn't matter if this authority is kind and gentle, respectful of your feelings or oppressive and disrespectful.

In our passage this morning, please open to 1 Peter 3. We're going to be looking at verses 1 to 7, 1

Peter 3. And in our passage, Peter addresses marriage, specifically if we, and we will see this, we look at the context.

This is marriage to an unbeliever. He addresses wives of unbelieving spouses and husbands with unbelieving spouses.

But the principles, the principles he gives husbands and wives, wives and husbands actually in this case, are to live a life separated to God for his purposes.

In other words, a holy life, a life that is lived in submission to God and honoring to the

Lord Jesus Christ. Now I get requests sometimes, people are having marital problems and they want me to send them to a counselor.

Why? Because they don't understand. And this morning, if you get nothing else out of anything else

I say, I want you to understand one thing, that the Bible is sufficient. The Bible gives us everything,

Peter would later say, pertaining to life and godliness. We don't go to outside therapists and clinical psychologists and psychiatrists for problems with our marriages because the

Bible tells us what to do. It's not related to birth order or to whether or not our mothers give us enough hugs when we're children, none of that matters.

We don't need any kind of therapist, we don't need to watch Oprah, we don't need to listen to Dr.

Laura to solve our marriage issues. We have God's perfect plan, his instruction manual as it were, for how to live a life that is pleasing to him in marriage and in our homes.

1 Peter 3, verse 1. But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

For in this way, in former times, the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed

Abraham, calling him Lord, and you have become her children, if you do what is right, without being frightened by any fear.

You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

This morning, I want you to see six maxims of marriage, six rules for a happy marriage, drawn from our text, so that you will live for the glory of God, for the glory of the

Lord, pleasing him in your marriage, putting him first, and not your own satisfaction. I'm going to show you six biblical commands, so that you will be set apart wholly, fit for the master's use, within the walls of your own home.

By the way, if you're not married, you don't have to leave. These very principles are what we should all be striving for, the things that we should seek to live out in our own daily lives.

If you're young, you should say, this is how I want to live my life, and this is the kind of woman or man

I should be looking for. First, maximum of marriage.

And again, these first three are going to be directed to the wives. The second three are for the husbands. It won't be exactly equal time, because we've got six verses for the wives, and only one verse for the husband, but I'll do what

I can for you ladies. First, attract your husband with your actions.

Attract your husband with your actions. First, notice that Peter writes in verse 1, in the same way.

Well, what is the same way? Peter has been stressing the need for Christians to submit, having gone through the need to submit to government in 2, 13, and 14.

Chapter 2, verses 13 and 14. The need for slaves and workers to submit to their own bosses, in chapter 2, verse 18.

And at the end of chapter 2, the command to imitate Christ, who submitted to more persecution than we will ever face.

And when we think about it, when we talked about it, he didn't have to do those things, but it was

God's will. It was the Father's will, and he did what the Father wanted. He submitted to the will of the

Father. And it's in that same way, to imitate Christ and to honor

God, that wives are to submit to their husbands.

Second, notice, Peter commands submission. Submission. In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands.

Now, that's pretty controversial. There was a great big brouhaha on the Southern Baptist Convention years ago.

It's very controversial in America today. Not controversial in countries where Muslim reigns or Islam reigns, and women are treated as less than cattle.

And in fact, I would argue that the New Testament is revolutionary. Revolutionary.

Why? Well ahead of its time in equal rights. Galatians 3, verse 28,

Paul writes this, There is neither Jew nor Greek. There is neither slave nor free man.

There is neither male nor female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.

The ground at the foot of the cross is equal. Absolutely equal. Jesus, in John 4, broke many taboos when he talked to that woman of the well.

Cultural taboos, not biblical taboos. The New Testament is revolutionary in that men, women, everyone, created in the image of God, is treated as an equal.

So he's not, Peter is not teaching the inferiority of women, but he is stressing the roles each is assigned by God.

The husband, as we will see, is to lovingly lead, and the woman is to lovingly submit to his leadership.

You may say, why? That's not fair. My husband's a horrible leader. Why should I do that? Well, Paul, 1

Timothy 2, relates it to the fall. He says, listen, Eve was first deceived. And if we went back and we looked at Genesis 3, we'd see what?

That she was, in fact, first deceived, and that God told Eve that her desire henceforth, and as her children, as her descendants, ladies today, have a desire to rule over their husband.

That's the curse. But Adam was given the role of leader, not because he was the best leader, but because she took what was not right.

She was to be a helper, right? And that does not change. The facts of the fall, the order of the fall does not change.

It doesn't matter what the culture says. There are different roles for men and women.

Think about the Trinity. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit.

Co -equal. Which one's stronger? Which one's better? It's a false question.

The son submits to the father. Why? Different roles. The spirit was sent by the son and by the father.

Why? Different roles. Equal. Different. It's the same for a husband and a wife.

Okay, but some of you ladies might be saying, well, what does this have to do with unbelievers? How do we know this pertains to an unbelieving husband?

Fair enough. Good question. Maybe you have an unbelieving husband. Why should you submit to him?

Well, let's consider the culture, the history. Pretty important to understand the world in which

Paul writes. What was it like to be a woman, a wife in the first century? Well, first, her position was insignificant culturally.

She was considered very insignificant. Her security or economic well -being, everything was based on her husband.

Her social life was based on her husband. There were no coffee clutches, no ladies' Bible study on Tuesday morning,

Tuesday night. There was no social world for her to attach herself to.

No soap operas to watch. Her life was centered completely around her husband.

It was presumed... I mean, talk about lack of choice. It was presumed that she would adopt whatever religion her husband had.

To not do so would be completely embarrassing to whom? The husband. It would be an indication to others that he was not managing his house well.

And it is about that world in which Peter writes. Getting back to our text, the

Greek command that wives should be submissive to means that they should submit with an involvement of the recognition of an ordered structure.

In other words, they submit knowing that there is a construct, there is an organization that God has ordained.

A Christian wife knows that there is an ordered structure to her home. Her husband is to lead and she is to submit to his leadership.

Now, some of you might say, aren't there exceptions? We're always looking for a trapdoor when there's a command. Is there some way out of this?

Yeah. If your husband commands you to sin, if he commands you to break the word of God by commission or omission, then there may be an exception.

But other than that, well, what if he's not reasonable? What if he yells at me? What if, what if, what if? All I can say is this is a command.

Be submissive to your husband. We'll get to some of the practical implications of this later.

Third, notice submission is not conditioned by the husband's faithfulness or sinlessness.

And I say, thankfully for the husband. Again, verse 1.

So that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, and the Greek verb are disobedient indicates the disobedience is always toward God, God's ordinances or God's revelation.

So who would we say that is habitually, present tense, disobedient to God, disobedient to God's revelation?

That would be a believer, an unbeliever, an unbeliever. Habitually disobedient to God and his word.

And Peter writes that they are disobedient. He writes it right in there, to the word. And this is shorthand for God's revelation, the gospel, the truth of God's word.

And they aren't neutral toward it. They aren't somehow ignorant toward it.

They are antagonistic toward it. They don't like it. They directly, they know what it says.

They've heard the gospel. They've heard the Bible. They don't want anything to do with it. And those are the men to whom

Peter says, submit. Fourth, notice, submission to an unbelieving spouse may result in his salvation.

There's hope. There's hope. Again, verse one. So that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.

So that, when you see that, you should always wonder what the word is and think it's probably hinnah.

It's a purpose. And in any case, the reasoning, so that even if they are disobedient, they may be won without a word.

Now, does this guarantee salvation? Is this some kind of promise that you should grab hold of and say, look, I'm going to submit.

Maybe I'll submit for a month, two months, six months, and then God's going to save them. No. But what is the opposite of submission?

Rebellion. And really, you could even think of it as something worse.

And what could be worse than rebellion? I would argue that nagging is worse than rebellion. Because that's the picture, right?

Without a word, they might be saved. And so if you use a lot of words, we would call that nagging.

Proverbs 21 .9 says what? It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman, a woman of strife, quarrel, one who knows better than her husband and is intent on proving it.

Is that submission? What Peter wants us to understand is that this is exactly the wrong way to go about things.

Even if you are married to an unbeliever, you can't nag him into the kingdom. It doesn't work.

It's not the biblical... Worse than not working, it's not the biblical command. You are disobedient, you are in sin, if this is how you think you need to treat your unbelieving husband.

Now, let me kind of just turn this around a little bit. Imagine, wives, that you had a nagging husband.

Maybe some of you do. Would that work? Would that motivate you? How can you possibly think that quarreling, belittling, arguing, or contending with your husband will have a positive result?

Now, clearly an unbeliever has to hear what to be saved? The gospel. So it's not like they can be one without a word, they can never hear the truth, and that's not the picture here.

It's without a word from the wife. God commands believing wives to submit to unbelieving husbands so that the gospel will not be discredited.

Again, it's this idea of silencing the mouths of fools. Unbelieving husband already has his mind made up about the gospel.

He doesn't want to hear it. He's antagonistic toward it. You submit to him so that he can see the power of the gospel in your life.

May I also say, ladies, maybe you just say, well, this is just the way I am, and I have to speak my mind, or however you phrase it.

May I just say that if you are a Christian, as we said about the unbelieving husbands, there is no such thing as a habitually rebellious

Christian. There's no such thing as a wife who says, well, I know I'm supposed to submit, but I can't,

I won't, and that's the end of that story. It is a sin. To disobey

God is a sin. Fifth, I want you to notice, at the end of verse 1 and verse 2, notice why submission is attractive.

What is it about submission that makes it attractive? They may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they, talking about the husbands, observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

Chaste and respectful behavior. They see how you honor

God with your life, how you restrain your tongue, how you don't fight with them, how you give them respect, even though sometimes they know they don't deserve it.

They observe you much like we saw the unbelievers observing believers last week. They watch.

It's a long period of time, and they watch your life to discover whether or not it is a genuine trend in your life.

But again, note that it is without a word from their wives that these husbands are saved. They will not be dragged kicking into the kingdom against their will because of the way the wives are constantly nagging them.

What happens is they go, you know, there might be something to this Christianity, and instead of being antagonistic toward the truth, they now are interested.

So that's the first maxim of marriage.

Secondly, attract your husband, second maxim of marriage, attract your husband with your attitude, not your attire.

Attract your husband with your attitude, not your attire. Verse 3, your adornment must not be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses.

Now, if we watch the Oscars, watch some big award show, we think, hey, they really go overboard.

They're wearing all this jewelry, and look at all their hair and all that stuff. But in the Roman culture, this wasn't unknown either.

It was not uncommon, or it was common, for women to spend a great deal of money and time having their hair done, piling it up higher and higher, having blonde hair weaved in and all kinds of jewelry and gold and stuff weaved into their hair.

I mean, I get the idea that it would make some kind of cartoonish bride of Frankenstein, three feet high, look pretty conservative.

It was big, big hair. Going back to the 80s, big hair.

And that's kind of what they focused on. A lot of women did. But it's interesting also to note that he's not saying, look, be unattractive.

Don't worry about those things. Roll out of bed, put your robe on, and just go to the store.

Go to church like that. That's not what he's saying. He doesn't condemn any of those things.

He says that your adornment, your external appearance, how much time you spend on the external, that shouldn't be the only thing you do.

He says merely external. So the external's okay, but that's not where you stop.

By the way, I found this fascinating. The word adornment is, of course, cosmos. And the most typical way to interpret cosmos is world.

And that's also the word from which we get cosmetics. And it made me, you know, I don't want to say that you put the world on your face, but, you know, it's kind of, the idea is, the idea that this is a different meaning, but it just made me laugh.

But it's this idea of adornment, it's makeup, it's just looking good. That's the whole idea.

So making yourself externally attractive is not the issue for Peter. He's not saying be plain.

It's okay to look good. But that's not where the focus is. Verse 4.

But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

Now, the word but there, there are a few different words that can be translated but, and this indicates a strong contrast.

In other words, don't focus on external beauty instead, and he's going to contrast it.

And he says, the focus, your focus, the wise focus, should instead be on the hidden person of the heart.

Commentator Kistemacher says, whereas hairstyles, jewelry, and expensive clothes are meant for display so that everybody can see you, the inner self is hidden from view.

A person might be very attractive on the outside, cold to the things of God on the inside, and vice versa.

Somebody who's rather plain might be beautiful. Peter notes that a submissive wife will have something that is not obvious.

He calls it something you can't see from the outside, but notice he calls it imperishable.

Imperishable. I love that word. Why? It's the same word he used back in 1

Peter 1 .4 to talk about our inheritance. He says it is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you.

It means it's impervious to corruption and death, something that cannot be taken away. When Peter was talking earlier about our eternal reward in chapter 1, he compared it to silver and gold.

He said, look, all those things are going to go away. Those are the things of this world, but you have an imperishable inheritance.

And here he says, look, you can have that external beauty, including gold and clothing and jewelry and all those things, but you know what?

Those are going away too. Here's something that cannot be taken away from you. It's what's inside.

A gentle and quiet spirit. Gentle and quiet spirit.

Now, I know when I was a teenager and we used to talk about a girl being a real sweet spirit, that wasn't a good thing.

It is a good thing, biblically, to have a gentle and quiet spirit.

That should be the goal of every Christian woman. Wayne Grudem says that gentle appears only three other times in the

New Testament as an adjective, and I found this interesting. Two of them as a description of the

Lord by Himself, about Himself. Gentle. And it means not insistent on one's own rights, not demanding one's own way.

A wife, especially a believer with an unbelieving husband, may well believe she is right on a given issue.

She could be right, but if it is not a contradiction of Scripture, and sometimes even if it is, depends on the issue.

And I don't have time to go through all the what -ifs, but her first reflex needs to be to submit to her husband gently and quietly.

Why? Because ultimately her trust is in God. God will do what's right.

Number three, maximum number three. Attract your husband, ladies, the old -fashioned way.

Attract your husband the old -fashioned way. I couldn't say this about the husbands, because that would mean knock him over the head and drag him off to the cave.

But that's number five, or verse five. For in this way, in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands.

Again, see what the faithful women in the Old Testament, that's what former times is, did to make themselves winsome.

Remember we talked about that? You have to be winsome to win some. You have to be attractive. You have to not be repellent to your husband.

What did they do to make themselves attractive? They submitted to them. It was their adornment. It was their decoration.

It is an attractive quality. As an example, Peter cites Sarah. Just as Sarah obeyed

Abraham, calling him Lord. Interesting, because certainly

Abraham was a sinner. One of the great things, just as an aside, one of the great things I love about the

Bible is if you read through the Bible, it is not the men who are featured, the men who even wrote it, who are the stars, it's always

God. The men are always sinful, and Abraham was no exception. But she called him

Lord. Genesis 18, 12, she referred to him as Lord, and that was the custom.

At the time, Lord or Master, same word as Adonai, same word that the

Hebrews would, or even now will substitute for the word God when they're reading the text, it indicates reverence.

She had a reverence for him. Why? Because it was the right thing to do. And look at this.

Believing women can become daughters of Sarah. Now we talk about being children of Abraham, children of the promise.

Look at verse six again. And you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

Now I don't know if we often talk about that concept. Are you a daughter of Sarah?

But here, wives are said to have become her spiritual children if they submit to their husbands as she did to Abraham.

Now I'm not suggesting that ladies call their husbands Lord. Lord Steve, your dinner is ready.

I'm not talking about that. But it is that respect, it is that respect that will win, and that deference to him that will win your husband's affection.

Now, let's think about, for a moment, just kind of summarize what we talked about with regard to wives.

They are first to attract your husbands with your actions. Secondly, attract your husband with your attitude.

Thirdly, attract your husband the old -fashioned way, just like Sarah did, submit to him. Listen, unbelieving husbands who are antagonistic to the gospel may be one, that is, they may have their hearts changed toward the gospel because of the way you behave, the way you carry yourself, the way you submit, even though they know they're not always right.

Let's move on to the men. Our fourth maximum of marriage, leading by submitting.

Leading by submitting. Verse 7,

You husbands in the same way. Now, wait a second. Are you saying men are to submit to their husbands?

Sorry, scratch that. Men are to submit to their wives? No. No.

This is not mutual submission, and in fact, the Bible never talks about mutual submission within the context of a marriage.

There is a structure to it, different roles. And this is not mutual submission in any other way other than a husband and a wife both needing to submit to God, to honor

Christ with their lives, to live a life that is holy and pleasing to God. So again, we see the use of in the same way.

Men whose desire it is to please God with their lives will love their wives like Christ loved the church.

Heard it many times, Ephesians 5 .25. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.

And you say, well, she's an unbeliever. Okay, love your wives like Christ loved the church.

The Lord was not subject to the church, but he sacrificed himself for her, not because she was perfect, but because she needed that.

You are to love your wife like Christ loved the church. Your call is to love your wife, to care for her sacrificially.

Believe me, I love my wife, and I'm not saying anything about her, so let's just strike that from the record right now.

But this is not easy in this sense. It is not our natural inclination as men.

If it was easy, it wouldn't be a commandment. God doesn't give us things that we naturally do anyway.

He doesn't say, hey, eat double doubles and French fries.

We would do that anyway for you who haven't been to California. It doesn't matter. But he doesn't give us commandments that would be easy, that would be simple, that would be our nature.

He doesn't command us to do things that go against, or he does command us to do things that are against our nature.

And can I just say that men, you know, I know there are a lot of young men here. Maybe you've just gotten married, or maybe you're thinking about marriage.

And men are great at this, at loving sacrificially, until they've been married somewhere between six months and a year.

And then it usually takes a little while longer for the wives to figure out that something is really wrong. And so, you know,

I would always talk to people that have been recently married, find out how it's going. I like to do that.

And what you'll find is if there are going to be problems, it usually starts somewhere in that 18 -month or so period, because it takes a while for things to just fall apart, because people aren't really doing this.

Men, you have to lead with the idea of pleasing

God, of honoring Christ with your life, of loving her because God wants you to, because God commands you to.

You are one flesh, that is not an option. Fifth maxim, lead with intelligence.

Lead with intelligence. I say that again, lead with intelligence. Husbands, lead with intelligence.

Live with your wives. Look at the text again. Verse 7, live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker, since she is a woman.

Now, that last part, you just kind of go, duh. But, you know, of course, these days in Massachusetts, maybe it's not so obvious.

The wives are women. That's important. But again,

Peter is addressing husbands of unbelieving wives. May I just say to those who are blessed to be married to believing wives, the principles still apply.

They still apply. How do you live with your wife in an understanding way? Well, literally, the word means comprehension or intellectual grasp of something, knowledge.

In other words, Peter says, get a clue. This wife, this woman that you live with is not like you.

Show some wisdom. You know what? We should be thankful that she's not like us. It's great.

She has to be a helper, a helpmeet. That's why God created women, different from us. And she is weaker.

She is physically weaker. And that's what the term implies, she's physically weaker.

Look, it doesn't take a rocket scientist. Unless you're married to an Amazon, you're probably stronger than she is.

That doesn't mean you get to lord it over her. I mean, there are all kinds of implications here in terms of how a husband should be sacrificial because he is stronger physically.

And it's not just that she is weaker physically, though. I think there's more implied, certainly.

I mean, that's obvious to us that she's weaker physically, but there's more to knowledge than that.

If that's all you've learned about your wife, then you're hurting. Women are, I mean, when you think about it,

I mean, they do unbelievable things. I used to say, how can you do X, Y, or Z to my wife? And she'd go, because I'm a mom, and I believe that.

I think there's like some kind of supernatural process that goes on in childbirth because they gain superhuman strength.

Childbirth is amazing. And after childbirth, the miracle doesn't stop. I mean, look,

I've had kids, and I could hold one on my arm, and I used to work out a little bit.

I could hold one on my arm for about 10 minutes, and I'm done. They carry those babies around all day, and they get to be 2, 3, 4, 5, and they're still carrying them around.

How do they do that? But if they get a 20 -pound sack of flour, you've got to carry that in.

But those kids, they can carry those things around all day long. But it's true.

Women, in some ways, amazingly strong. I mean, my wife, when she gets sick, you don't even know it.

When I get sick, it's 9 -1 -1. But what says...

Talking about weaker, when you say something cutting, insulting to your wife, how much does it hurt her?

How long does she remember that? How long do you have to go in trying to make up for that?

Now, if you reverse that, if she says something to you, you know what? I'm not going to say it bounces off of you. But I will tell you this, that in my experience, if you have a disagreement, it's a lot easier for the husband to get over it than the wife.

Women are far more apt to be crushed by what their husbands say than vice versa.

But knowledge or understanding may also apply to how you view your wife, whether she's saved or not.

You cannot save her. God saves. But you can set before her a picture of Christ that is an attractive one.

You do that by how you lead. Just as we talked about, or I talked about a wife being attractive to her husband in her submission.

And you can be attractive or unattractive to your husband in how you lead, or to your wife in how you lead.

You can chase her away from the gospel by how you behave toward her.

Now, practically speaking, how do you get more knowledge about your wife? Well, can I just give you guys a couple of hints?

Because I know men, and typically if I give a guy five things to do, and I check with him the next day, you know what he's done?

He did the first one, and he's like, was I supposed to do something else? Two sources for knowledge.

First, the Word of God. You read the Word of God, you see what it says about your wife, how you need to behave toward her.

Secondly, a really good source of information for you guys is your wives. Talk to them.

You're going to find out that there are things that they like and don't like. It's true. Marriage maxim number six.

For the men, again, lead without insisting on winning. Lead without insisting on winning.

Again, look at verse seven. And show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.

To show your wife honor is to grant her that which is appropriate in a marriage, to not withhold what she deserves or is due.

Your wife is a fellow heir or a co -inheritor with you of the grace of life.

She is of no less status than you. She has a different role, but she is your equal.

And this grace of life does not refer to salvation, but common grace, the joys of everyday life.

Life is a vapor. It is also a blessing. It is a grace from God. And in particular, what do you guys have?

Grace in you have a spouse, whether that's a believing spouse or an unbelieving spouse.

God has blessed you with a spouse. Now, what do

I mean when I say lead without insisting on winning? That's how I want you to show her honor.

But men are to be the leaders in the home. That's clear. But leading does not mean having to have your own way all the time.

It does not mean winning every disagreement. You can lose by winning.

Or as is often said, there are hills not worth dying on. Choose your battles carefully.

And I would also argue that there are times when you are better off actually losing. Now for the men,

Peter concludes, like he did with the wives, what seemed to be, it almost seems like a promise, but it is just an implication that you may win your husband.

Your husband may be saved by your behavior. But here in verse 7, he doesn't even give us any kind of real hope here.

He gives a warning. At the end of verse 7, he says, so that, talking about the husbands, talking about how they need to behave toward their wives, and he says, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

So if you're not doing things, if you're not behaving correctly toward your wife, the implication is your prayers will be hindered.

Now some think this applies only to a husband and wife praying together. I read plenty of commentaries that said that.

However, I think given the context of dealing with the persecution of unbelievers, that's the bigger context, chapter 2, beginning of verse, or chapter 3, this is a direct warning to believing husbands.

And in fact, that verb that's translated hinder means to make progress slow or difficult, to thwart two applications quickly.

If you do not treat your wife properly, your prayers for her salvation, presuming she's an unbeliever, are hindered by your own behavior.

You're your own stumbling block. You want her to get saved, and you're behaving in a way that's making it, humanly speaking, more difficult to get saved.

She's not attracted to the gospel because she's not attracted to you. And secondly, to not treat her in an understanding way, to not give her the honor that is due her, to not treat her as the weaker vessel, is sin.

And what claim do you have on God, on His power, if you're in sin?

None. That will hinder your prayer life. Let me just give you a few practical tips here.

Again, these principles apply whether your spouse is saved or not. But they are critical, critical, if they are not because you can literally chase your husband or wife away from Christ.

Wives, when you submit, it is because you love God and are imitating Christ, not because your husband is always right.

Husbands, go out of your way to demonstrate your love for your wife.

Talk well of her. When you're among friends, speak well of your wife.

Praise her. Your family, your mother. Shock your mother by saying nice things about your wife.

Talk nicely to her. May I also suggest dating her.

People say, I don't have time. You do. Trust me. There's always time for something.

Spend time with her. Get to know what she likes and dislikes. For my wife, it's corn dogs, malts, and quilt shops.

More practical. Nothing on TV. Let me repeat that. Nothing on TV is more important than your wife or your kids or anybody in your home.

Sometimes we act like it is. Husbands and wives, whether or not your spouse is saved, express your thankfulness for your spouse to your spouse.

Kind of a corollary with that. Control your tongue. Don't have time to get into it, but James says, you know what?

The things that you say start a forest fire. Jesus says it's not what you take into your mouth, it's what comes out of your mouth that defile you.

When you unleash the tongue on your spouse, you are damaging your marriage, you are dishonoring

God, and you are in sin. Now, you're sitting here this morning, maybe you're not married.

Can I just make this real easy? You should look for someone of the opposite sex who's a

Christian, first of all. Don't date unbelievers. Just do not do that. But you look, when you start deciding whom you want to potentially consider for marriage, you look for these characteristics in them.

You look for wives who understand what it means to be gentle, quiet, submissive. You look for husbands who know how to lead, but to lead in a loving way, who love the

Lord and submit to Him. As I said in the beginning, there are few situations in life that are more difficult than to be married to someone who does not love

Christ. It is heartbreaking to counsel with folks like that. And I've said weeks ago, life is not easy.

Life is not easy, but it can be easier than we make it sometimes. Trust in the

Lord. He designed us. He designed our mates. He brought our mates into our lives.

He's promised us that our mate is exactly the person for us. How do we know that?

Because we married them. Romans 8 .28 says, He works all things for good, and even our choices, be they good or bad.

He's told us how marriage is supposed to work. Will you trust Him sufficiently to obey what

He says? Is there sin in your life? If you are married, is there something wrong with the way you behave toward your spouse?

If you're not married, isn't this just another great example of how differently you are commanded to behave and to think about things than the world is?

Holy living begins at home. If your marriage relationship, your

God -given one -flesh relationship, is not one that is submitted to God for His purposes, how can anything else in your life be?

If you've got an unsaved spouse this morning, thank God for him or her. You are married again to exactly the right person, and God is using him or her to mold and shape you.

Pray that you will be the one God uses to open their ears to the gospel by the way you live.

Wives, submit to your husbands. Husbands, lead your wives in an understanding, honoring way.

Let's pray. Father, it is a great encouragement to know that you are in control of everything.

Father, that you have given us a revelation of yourself and a revelation of how you want us to live, even in our homes and in our marriages.

Lord, would you so work in the hearts of those who are here this morning who love you, who are called according to your purposes, that they would seek to live out your principles for marriage.

Father, would you save the unsaved spouses of those who are here? Would you save even the unsaved children of the couples here as they see the husbands treating their wives as you have commanded and the wives submitting to their husbands as you have commanded.

Father, bless every home here, that it would be holy, that it would be indeed the starting point for holiness.