Should Husbands Get Their Wives Vacuum Cleaners for Christmas?

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Welcome to Bible Bash, where we aim to equip the saints for the works of ministry by answering the questions you're not allowed to ask.

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We're your hosts, Harrison Kerrig and Pastor Tim Mullett, and today we'll answer the age -old question, should husbands get their wives vacuum cleaners for Christmas?

01:48

Now, as we kick this episode off, Tim, what Bible verse could you have possibly found about husbands getting their wives vacuum cleaners?

01:58

Surely there's nothing that addresses this area of life, right? Absolutely nothing, yeah.

02:03

So Acts 20 -35, Paul says, In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way, we must help the weak, and remember the words of the

02:13

Lord Jesus, how he himself said, It's more blessed to give than to receive. So this is your proof text then for the heated debate around husbands getting their wives vacuum cleaners for Christmas.

02:31

Sure. I mean, it's one relevant thought that needs to enter into the discussion, but then there's obviously other relevant thoughts too.

02:40

Okay, so is this one of those topics that, when you bring up this kind of topic, what's generally the pushback?

02:50

Are people saying, no, you cannot get your wife a vacuum cleaner for Christmas?

02:56

Yeah, so there's a lot of things happening with a question like this, and it's hard to really nail down specifically all the things that are going on at one time.

03:07

So yeah, as you're trying to ask me what kind of pushback I'm getting or what kind of pushback is related to this topic in general, there's several different directions people go with this kind of thing.

03:18

So in general, I mean, I think it's just blatantly obvious that ceteris paribus, all other things being equal, women generally are much better gift givers than men.

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So that just seems to be true. Men generally are, not only are women better gift givers than men, women are typically more thoughtful than men as it relates to gifts on average.

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And so there is part of this discussion that's related to that, meaning that men can be much more practical than women when it relates to things along these lines.

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And I mean, the stereotypical guy at Christmas gets a new pair of socks every

04:00

Christmas or something like that or likes to have a new underwear or something, and he's perfectly content and happy.

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So part of it's related to just men are just a little bit more practical than women in general. Some of it's related to women are just more thoughtful than men, particularly as it relates to gifts.

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And then gifts are often a lot more meaningful to women, too. But then there's an extra level to this discussion as well, that women in general have been trained since probably the foundation of the world to be irritated at gifts that remind them of their domestic duties, essentially.

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So when you're talking about stuff like a vacuum cleaner, this is the ultimate poke in the eye to your standard feminist lady, essentially.

04:50

So they've basically just been trained from an early age to think that this is a catastrophic joke in general, too, because it reminds them that there are roles, right?

05:00

So I mean, one of the most frequent things that people would say if you ask a question along these lines is, well, why does the vacuum cleaner have to be for the woman?

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I mean, that's kind of the standard sarcastic, like I'm predisposed to be offended by this topic kind of response that you're getting.

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So some of it just reduces to that, too. So there's a lot of things going on, but some of it's like that.

05:22

Yeah, you know, once you start reminding women that they must be chained and kept barefoot in the kitchen making sandwiches all day long, for some reason they get upset, right?

05:34

I mean, the standard kind of pushback to that is, hey, you might as well just buy them a sandwich maker or something.

05:43

Have you seen the joke that some people have? I've seen this joke made online by some people.

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You have a picture of a husband and a wife, and the wife's talking to the husband and saying, hey, we need to get a new dishwasher.

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The one we have right now is broken. And then he'll be like, what's wrong with you?

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You're perfectly fine. Why do I need to replace you? Two perfectly good arms right there, right?

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I don't see anything wrong with you. Why do I need to replace you? But, you know, I think that does, that makes a lot of sense because our society is so,

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I mean, you know, I think a lot of the people that are listening to us who agree with us,

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I think sometimes we forget just how offensive the things that we read in the

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Bible that we perceive as just totally normal, like we've just accepted these things, but then when you mention them out loud to the rest of the world, we forget just how upsetting these things are.

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So even the fact that you and I are joking about replacing the dishwasher thing,

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I can see a lot of people who hate listening to us, which we know happens.

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I can see them just ripping their hair out right now, hearing these jokes that we're making.

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And so it's understandable to think at the same time that this time of the year that's very centered around gift -giving and honestly in a lot of ways has become extremely materialistic.

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Using that as a time to give a woman something that would help her fulfill the role that God intended for her seems like that would be taken as the ultimate just spit in your eye or something.

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Hey, this is such a great time of the year, and all I got was this thing that's going to help me do my job.

07:58

This job that you keep saying is supposed to be mine better. Yeah, so if you have a lady who's pretty supposed to take offense at the nature of husband -and -wife roles, that there are any kind of domestic duties that more heavily fall on her at the very least,

08:14

I think there's a lot of that that's happening in this discussion. I'm not saying that that's all that's happening in this discussion, but there's a lot of that that is happening in this discussion to where if you were to buy a man a set of tools for Christmas.

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We love that stuff. We're always happy. No, a lot of it is just men are a lot easier to please than women.

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We just have simpler taste on average than women. So a lot of it's that, but then the idea of having something that's useful, that works, part of what's happening is that men and women often have different sets of priorities, and some of that's related to the role that a man has as a provider too.

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So when you think about a man's role as a provider, there is this aspect of bearing the weight of the responsibility for your family's survival that changes the nature of your priorities, even as it relates to Christmas and the holiday schedule or whatever else.

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I know that during the early days of me and my wife's marriage, there's been plenty of times where you get money from family members,

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I get money from family members, and my wife takes that money that she gets from everyone.

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And this is not anything negative on her at all. During the early days of our marriage,

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I didn't make a whole lot of money. So I'm just getting out of seminary with no marketable skills and everything else.

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I don't have some high -paying job that is able to provide for anything. But the shopping budget that I should be providing for her, and I'm utterly failing to provide a sufficient budget to shop for all the things that we need, she would take her holiday money and use it towards the things that we needed that I wasn't really able to give to her like I wanted to.

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But then on the other end of things, I would take money from people, and I would take it and I'd pay bills with it or something like that.

10:18

Yeah. And I was perfectly happy to pay bills because when you're a provider and the money's tight, you're doing the best you can.

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You say, hey, my priorities are rapidly changing here. Yeah, you really don't even give it a second thought.

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Yeah, you don't even think about it. It's just like, hey, the lights have to go on, we've got to bill, whatever else. I don't need anything,

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I'm fine, I'm happy, I'm content, whatever else. And that's just kind of the way it goes. And so I think some of this is related to those kind of priorities.

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You had different comments along those lines where you like to say that, hey, a vacuum cleaner, that's not really a gift -gift, that's just kind of like a necessity, so that shouldn't factor into this kind of equation.

11:04

It's like, well, yeah, I mean, I guess it just kind of depends on what financial situation you're in, right?

11:10

Right. So if money's tighter, then there isn't this luxury idea of this has to be the biggest, most thoughtful, everything else kind of thing.

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Like this is just money's tight. If money's tight, money's tight. You do what it takes to survive. So part of it is like that kind of discussion.

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And then part of it, as I said, it really is like feminists have been trained to just be insane with anger.

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And one of the things I've noticed as you listen to ladies online interact with this kind of thing that the ladies who actually excel at their jobs, they don't care as much, right?

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What do you mean? So the ladies who have good husbands who don't just let them emote and have learned emotional self -control and everything else, they don't typically have the same kind of reaction to this kind of topic.

12:02

So if you have a lady who excels at being a homemaker and then you buy her some nice pots and pans or whatever else, or you buy her a nice vacuum that she's been wanting or whatever else, generally speaking, the ladies who love their job and take it seriously, they're not so predisposed to be out of their mind offended about this topic in general.

12:29

And a lot of that is just related to how they've been led as a wife, meaning they haven't been led to be the kind of person who just gets their feelings hurt so often and blows everything way out of proportion and is so predisposed to take offense at almost everything imaginable, right?

12:47

So there's part of it that's related to that. Now, I mean, I want to say all that, but then I also want to say that a lot of times guys can kind of run roughshod over just the way that women generally are in a way that's entirely unnecessary, meaning just because you're a man, just because you're practical, just because you're thinking about providing and everything else, that doesn't mean that you have to basically be the

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Grinch or something. Like Christmas is canceled. We don't need to give gifts. This is just a man -made celebration, whatever else.

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Who said we ever had to celebrate birthdays, right? Show me the

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Bible verse where it says I've got to celebrate birthday. Yeah, like if I buy you a birthday present, you're going to be –

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I'm just encouraging you towards your innate materialism or whatever else. Who knows where this is going to end up?

13:45

So there is a kind of guy like that that is going to take the practical stuff and just use it as a club to basically bash his wife's sensibilities over the head.

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Really, what ladies often want with gifts is not necessarily – there's some ladies who are obviously just very, very materialistic, but then a lot of ladies, they just want something thoughtful.

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They want something thoughtful that comes from the heart, that is meaningful in some way, and a lot of it points to some aspect of their relationship that you value or something like that or that's meaningful.

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And so I think a lot of guys could do a lot better at what they're doing, and you don't have to actually spend a whole lot of money to do that.

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But then there is a kind of, you know, the Leach has two daughters, give and give. There is a kind of lady who's just never going to be satisfied, and you're always just going to have to outdo your previous gift every

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Christmas. And then we had a lot of ladies who responded to the vacuum cleaner idea with kind of a funny pushback because it was like, yeah, you can get me a vacuum cleaner if I ask for one, but I would never ask for one, so you can't get me one.

15:01

But then, I mean, you think about the kind of mindset that's behind that, and there's something off about that.

15:09

Yeah, that definitely feels weird. Like if my kid was to say that, that would be like a, what are you talking about?

15:20

Well, that's where it's more blessed to give than receive, you know, shows up. And then the nature of gifts in the

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Bible in general, gifts are not the kind of things that are demanded, okay? And so you can develop the kind of personality that says you have some very specific thing in your mind that you're hinting around that you want, and that's the thing that you want in order to be happy.

15:40

And the only thing that's going to make you happy at holidays is for this list that you have. And it's even worse if that's kind of like a mental list that's floating around your head that's not communicated.

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But then, I mean, I don't know that it's any better when you just say, here's what you're allowed to buy me for Christmas, you know? Yeah, imagine saying something like that to God.

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You know, God's thinking like, hey, I'm going to give you the gift of my son. He's going to lay down his life for you.

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You're going to be reconciled through the shedding of his blood on the cross and share in his resurrection once you put your faith in Christ.

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And then we're just like, yeah, but I just didn't ask for that.

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So I don't want that. I want this instead. I want an Xbox instead.

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But the thing about that is we do that almost every day with His providence, in general.

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What do you mean? Well, I mean, everything that happens to us is like God has given us everything we need for life and godliness.

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God works all things together for the good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose.

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So when you think about His providence, His sovereignty, He hasn't withheld anything that we need, right? Paul's convinced that my

16:58

God will supply all of your needs in Christ Jesus. And so everything that God gives is filtered through His providence, which is coming to you as a gift, right?

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It's a gift. And that's why you should count it all joy when you fall into various trials because the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and all that.

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So the idea is that God's sovereignty, God in His sovereignty, He's arranging every single thing that happens to you in such a way to benefit you, to make you more like Him, and ultimately to glorify

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Himself, right? So when you think about it that kind of way, man's fundamental problem is a lack of gratitude for sure, okay?

17:32

I mean the Israelites, the story of the Israelites in the wilderness is a story of God destroying them in the wilderness based on their grumbling and complaining, whether causing the ground to open up and swallow them or sending fiery serpents to bite them or sending literal fire to consume them or whatever else.

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They complain nonstop, and that's man's fundamental problem, that we did not glorify

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Him or give thanks, right? So when you think about gifts, you do have to be a thankful person.

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And the more thankful you are, the more grateful you are, the less this moment becomes about some idea that you have in your mind about what you need to have in order to be okay.

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So the more content two people are, the less it really matters. And the more realistic you actually are, and the less pressure you feel, like we have to open up a credit card and go into $3 ,000 worth of debt in order to celebrate

18:31

Christmas or something like that, because we have to keep up. By the way, if you're doing that, don't.

18:37

Stop. It's utterly stupid, yeah. I mean there is a lot of materialism, there is a lot of ingratitude that are present in these kind of discussions.

18:47

And so I think all that's true, and the more thankful a person is, the more that they embrace their roles.

18:56

This moment really is about giving and not just receiving. The better it all is in general, right?

19:02

So the more it's all like that. Now, you say all that and then say, hey, yeah, guys should probably make an effort to do the best they can to figure out how to give thoughtful gifts to their wife.

19:16

That should happen in some sort of context that is not filled with demands, right?

19:24

Yeah. Like it shouldn't be happening in the kind of context where you're trying to find a gift for a black hole of dissatisfaction or something like that.

19:35

So this should be done in the context of two people who know it's more blessed to give than to receive that aren't so wound tight, that don't have this picture of the perfect gift that they want in their mind that they're hinting at and everything else.

19:49

So I'll get rid of all that and then, yeah, I'm going to be thoughtful for sure. And you don't have to spend a whole lot of money to be thoughtful, but then gift -giving time can be a real miserable time if you have two self -centered people who are just making it all about what they want for sure.

20:06

Well, and the Bible even says, you know, I mean, this is more talking about fathers with their children, but the

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Bible says a good father gives good gifts to his children, right? Sure. I'm sure we can assume that the same is true for husbands.

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A good husband is going to give good gifts to his wife, right? He's not going to purposely give bad gifts.

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He wouldn't want to receive bad gifts. Obviously, all of this is in the context of to the best of your ability.

20:42

Money doesn't always allow for the most amazing gift anyone has ever received. But, I mean, can we think the same way, or is that just like, hey, this

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Bible verse is only directly speaking in terms of fathers towards their children, so we need to keep it there?

21:00

Oh, no. I mean, I think that there's obviously categories in the

21:06

Bible for God. God does the same to us. You know, God's a giver of good gifts. He rewards us, like we're going to, you know, not to lay out for ourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust grow up and thieves break and steal, but lay for ourselves treasures in heaven.

21:21

So God, you know, God obviously gives, he delights in giving us good gifts. We should be gift givers. I mean, even under the old covenant economy,

21:30

I mean, it's pretty interesting. So under the old covenant economy, they were told to save 10 % of their income for the yearly feast, you know, where they would take 10 % of their goods, and if they're too far away to bring it all, they would exchange it for money, and they'd go to Jerusalem for the feast and buy whatever they want, kind of thing, right?

21:49

So, I mean, even within the old covenant economy, there is this idea of celebration and feasting and, you know, gift giving and everything else.

21:59

I mean, that's just part of the deal. So there is a kind of person who is kind of a miser and is stingy and is kind of greedy and is going to turn, and many men are like that where they'll take it, and, you know, they're just governed so much by being practical to the point where, like, hey, you don't have a category for, you know, feasting.

22:22

You don't have a category for lavishing gifts upon your family. Now, I mean, obviously, you shouldn't go into debt, you know, to do that.

22:29

Right. It has to be within your, you know, realistically within your means, right? But, I mean, you can, you know, there is a kind of person who doesn't have any means because they spent all year long wasting all their money on fast food, and then when

22:42

Christmas comes, it's like a miserable, you know, Christmas because they've squandered away all their wealth, you know, and so, and that could, you know, both husband and wife at that point could be contributing to that kind of thing, too, for sure.

22:56

But, yeah, there is definitely a category for, hey, yeah, it's very biblical to have times where you spend significant amounts of money on things like that, too, you know.

23:08

Yeah, and so another thing I wanted to ask you along the lines of, you know, receiving gifts and especially gifts that relate to our specific gender roles as husbands and as wives, you know, is there anything that's sinful or at least, you know, problematic in some way if when we receive these gifts we're thinking about, you know, how this gift is going to make my life so much easier and make my job so much easier as opposed to thinking about, hey, you know, this took thought, this took, you know, effort to go get, this took, obviously, resources and a lot of times,

24:01

I mean, when you're talking about things like vacuum cleaners and tool sets, I mean, those aren't small amounts of money that you're spending, right?

24:09

And so you're talking about spending significant resources. And so the question is, is there anything wrong with focusing the primary focus, you know, when you're thinking about a gift that you've just received that will help you fulfill your role as a husband or as a wife is mostly just thinking about how this is going to make your life easier as opposed to thinking about what it took for the other person to get it for you?

24:37

Does that make sense what I'm asking you? Yeah, that makes sense. I wouldn't know why you would need to set those two things in opposition to each other in that kind of way.

24:47

Well, just thinking, like, is there a way to, is there like a point at which you're just thinking selfishly when you receive a gift like that?

25:01

Yeah, I mean, I think the nature of gift giving is that, you know, there's some kind of enjoyment to be found in it.

25:07

Like, meaning if someone just gives you something that you really have no place for whatsoever, no use for, it's something that you would, you know, like if you were to buy your wife something that she would literally never wear in her life because it makes her look hideous or something like that.

25:25

Yeah. I mean, it may be a real, like, you know, test at that point just to say, hey, you know, this is so nice, but.

25:33

Wow, thank you for this hazmat suit. I'm not quite sure what to do with it, right?

25:40

I'm not quite sure. Right. You had something in mind for this? I'm not quite sure why you gave it to me.

25:48

So, I mean, I think, yeah, I mean, I think there is a distortion that can happen there where you're just thinking, well, yeah,

25:58

I hate that you wasted so much money on this piece of garbage that I'm never going to use. But I think, as the

26:06

Bible says, Lord Jesus says, it's more blessed to give than receive. I think you should be trying to cultivate the kind of character that is just going to be thankful for whatever you got.

26:14

But then the reality is, hey, there may be, like, gifts that you receive that you just have no idea what to do with at times and you know that you're pretty sanctified when you don't get all bent out of shape about it and turn it into a nightmare kind of moment or whatever else.

26:30

But then I do think, like, a good gift, like, a good gift, a fitting gift, you know, it's easier, you know, you're just making it easier for everyone to be thankful for a gift that makes sense to some degree.

26:46

So, you know, I mean, if you want to get, like, the world's worst gift possible, you can, you know, and then you're just, and yeah, should they be thankful for it?

26:56

Sure, you know, but then I do think, you know, if you do give someone something that, like, fits who they are, fits, you know, situations they find themselves in, there is such a thing as a good gift and there is such a thing as a poor gift and, you know, it doesn't just reduce to, it doesn't just simply reduce to, like, hey, like, whatever you gave me is good, you know.

27:19

Now, with God, like, God delights to give us good gifts, so there's a category for that. But then the issue with God is everything he does is good, but we're not

27:28

God, so just, like, we can give bad gifts or two. But then, you know, yes,

27:34

I mean, like, the sanctified person will gracefully receive the bad gift and the good gift, okay?

27:40

So, essentially, I mean, we're free to, you know, look at something that's a gift that we've gotten that is actually going to be useful for us in some way and think, hey, this is going to make my life easier.

27:53

I'm thankful that I'm getting something that's going to make my life easier, right? Yeah, and I would say that that's not the only, you know, axis of, like, what makes a gift a good gift, too.

28:03

You know, so guys might be more predisposed to think, hey, if this makes my life easier, it's a good gift, whereas, like, a lady might more be predisposed to think, hey, you know, if this shows thoughtfulness, right?

28:16

Like, I don't know how, like, like, let's say that you were to give your wife a framed picture of, you know, the place you went to when you met her for the first time, right?

28:26

Right. Maybe she'd like that. I don't know. Maybe she wouldn't like that. But, like, the issue is that wouldn't, that wouldn't necessarily be making her life better or making, like, making her job easier or something like that.

28:39

You get what I'm saying? Yeah. But then, you know, so gifts can serve different purposes, obviously, different functions, but I don't think you should feel deeply ashamed by thinking, hey, like, you bought me something that's actually very useful for me, and I'm thankful for it.

28:53

You know, you did a good job. Okay. Okay.

28:59

Well, I think that's a good place for us to wrap up the conversation then. And, you know, obviously, this is probably a helpful, a helpful topic given that we're entering the month of December.

29:11

And, you know, like we said, towards the beginning, Christmas is oftentimes an extremely materialistic time of the year for most people,

29:21

I would say, especially in First World countries. But then that obviously doesn't mean that gifts are inherently a bad thing.

29:29

And, I mean, you know, a large part of the Christian faith in general is the fact that we're receiving gifts from God all the time.

29:36

And not only salvation, but, I mean, everything that we receive from God is ultimately a gift from Him, even the next breath that we take, because we know that we don't deserve it.

29:47

We know that we deserve death for our sin. And so, you know, obviously gifts are a good thing.

29:52

God delights in giving us good gifts because He's a good Father, and He tells us that's what good fathers do.

29:59

So it's helpful to be able to think through some of these things and think, how do I, you know, how do

30:05

I become the person who receives gifts well and with joy and with thankfulness for the people who are giving them for me, even if they're not always the best gift.

30:16

You know, sometimes I think we can receive gifts that, you know, had thought put into them but then aren't necessarily the most fine -tuned to us,

30:29

I get, as an individual, right? They might not meet your specific needs or your, you know, likes or your hobbies or whatever, but then that doesn't inherently mean they're coming from a bad or a selfish place all the time.

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So how do we receive those things well and with joy too, right?

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