Raising Children to Do Right - Part 2 (Eph. 6:1-4)

Raising Children to Do Right in a World That Does Wrong

Well open your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 6 Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1 through 4 this morning Ephesians 6 1 through 4 and let's pray and ask the Lord's Enablement for us this morning our great God and father how?

Thankful we are to be your children. To realize that Christ has paid it all for us. That there remains no sin debt hanging over us. We are justified by union with Christ and we Have the blessing of knowing that you are at peace with us and thus we can be at peace with you.

And yet our father here in our justified state. We remain in a in a struggle a hand-to-hand conflict with the flesh. And it is a battle that we can never take a holiday from that we can never relax.

The reality that unless we are killing sin sin is killing us and. So our father we pray for your spirits help this morning as we conduct this battle battle for the mind for the heart for the affections.

Now you enable us to hear the word. To receive it with faith and to apply it where needed for each of us. Our father your spirit delights in this and is our aid and enablement in it. And so we are so very very grateful for the gift of the Spirit.

For he brings glory to Christ in whose name we pray. Amen. All right, so the sixth chapter of Ephesians Ephesians chapter 6 and Verses 1 through 4 and we're returning to the text for a second time this morning under the title of raising children to do right raising children to do right.

And you know parenting classes and parenting seminars are kind of a perennial favorite in the evangelical Church. It's a pretty much a staple for most and I suspect that one of the reasons for that is the reality that Children don't come home from the hospital with any instructions on the box.

I Can remember when our oldest was born and we brought her home and I remember turning her over and looking, you know, not nothing. No instructions here at all and so It can be challenging it can be challenging.

I think additionally there's just the the reality of the Societal breakdown that washes over us and with regard to families and we've lost a fair amount of intergenerational wisdom. We just don't generally speaking as a culture have the advantages that Were there several generations ago when homes were more intact and people lived closer and more intergenerationally with each other and so there was the Opportunity to pass wisdom down in that way that for many is just not a reality for them.

And so that contributes as well. But this section here in Ephesians, I think contains some really important Parenting information and it's not just for young moms and dads. Although it is that for sure.

But it's for all generations. For all the generations and the reason it's for all the generations is because we are inextricably Connected to one another we are Jim. We are generationally connected. We are in relationship intergenerationally and that means that even simultaneously we are often parents children and grandparents and we're mixed into this and and the responsibilities and Obligations and opportunities that that come to us because of that.

We can find great help here in this text. Now this is this is obviously not an exhaustive text on on raising children or far from it but there's some very important things here for us and if we can hear them and receive them and Seek to implement them as we walk for the spirit.

Then we can make progress. We can make good progress in these things. So, let's read the text beginning in verse 1 of chapter 6 Where Paul says children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.

Honor your father and mother. Which is the first commandment for the promise? So that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger. But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Last time as we came to this text, we said we're going to approach it on a threefold basis. So there we have a threefold approach the Paul gives here for raising children to do right in a world that does wrong.

Helping Children Recognize Their Obligation

Raising children to do right in a world that does wrong and last time we looked at just the first one and it was this. In verses 1 and 2 the first part of this approach was to help them help your children to recognize their obligation.

Help your children to recognize their obligation. Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise. We noted last time that the children that Paul refers to here are Those who are still young enough to be in his home in the home of their fathers and under their father's authority.

And protection and provision and yet old enough to hear Paul's Admonition directly to them that they would live. And walk by the Spirit because it still all falls under that rubric of back in 518 to be filled by the Spirit this is another outgrowth of this and so they are old enough and Then spiritually alert enough or at least Paul's assuming this for them to hear this command and obey it.

Obey it so they are not babies. But the words broad tech nights, it's a broad term for children. So they are being brought up notice verse 4 brought up by their fathers. Specifically mentioned here the idea that they're receiving his discipline.

They're receiving his instruction. And we noted again here in this first Approach and they there is given a twofold command. It's two overlapping but not identical commands. The first was this to obey.

It was the command to obey simply verse one children obey your parents where this is, right? Who Pacool was the the Greek verb there? It means to to do what you're told. That's just fundamentally what it means to do what you're told the children are to be to do what they're told without Qualification without limitation and we explored that last week some of the applications of that.

And the reason that Paul gives to do it notice is that it is right. Do it because it is right. It is right in the sight of God. It is right in the sight of God children. Obey your parents without qualification without limitation because it is right.

The idea that obedience to parents is is very much woven into the law of Moses. And it expresses the mind of God and because it expresses the mind of God it is right the chaos right or righteous. In other words, it pleases God this pleases God children.

You want to know how to please God obey your parents? It's really simple. It's really simple. In Colossians chapter 3 in verse 20 that sister epistle Paul explains it there. He says children be obedient to your parents in all things.

Same idea obedience all things no qualifications and then he says for this is well-pleasing to God. So here he says it's right here over in Colossians. It's well-pleasing to God kind of scoops up the idea Obey your parents.

That's the first command. The second command is to honor them. It's to honor them and we see that in verse to honor your father and mother. Which is the first commandment with a promise? And we noted again last time that the command to honor your parents incorporates.

For those children who are home the command to obey in other words you honor. Through obedience honor your parents if you're at home if you're under their authority or under their protection under their provision.

Obey them and by obeying them you will honor them and that is pleasing to God. But eventually in the vast majority of cases a Man leaves his father and his mother right and he is joined to his wife and they become one flesh in other words a new Family unit is created and in that case the command to obey that duty to obey.

Transitions from the childhood expression of honor, which is obedience and it gives way to the more mature obligation to honor. Which is what lasts a lifetime? So to honor your father and mother is never time limited its expression may change with circumstance but the reality of the command to honor mom and dad your mother and father is a Requirement for a believer that lasts a lifetime.

It lasts a lifetime in This commandment Paul notes contains a promise you see it in verse 2, which is the first commandment with a promise and the promise that it contains is for a long and Prosperous life for those who obey a long and prosperous life.

So our first approach here to raising children to do right in a world that does wrong is to teach them To do right things to obey and to honor. Second second is to encourage them to see the connection.

Encourage them to see the connection verse 3. So that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. So that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. We need to help our children to see this connection that Paul is making.

Now this original sixth commandment to Israel. Was that by honoring their parents the children of the covenant would enjoy the benefits of the covenant. Which was a long and prosperous Living or land or life in the promised land.

For example He says in Deuteronomy chapter 5 and verse 16. Honor your father and your mother as the Lord your God has commanded you. That your days may be prolonged and that you may and that it may go well with you on the land Which the Lord your God gives you.

Now this.

Deuteronomy is given by Moses there To the on the plains of Moab to the east of the Jordan River when they're about ready to enter into the land. So it's the second giving of the law. And so here he gives again the sixth commandment and he says you were to honor your father and mother and as you do that.

You as children will be partakers of the covenant and receive the blessings of the covenant. We were to have the time we would go to The end of the book of Deuteronomy so you can do it on your own but if you would go to chapters 27 and 28 You'll remember there where the blessings and curses of the covenant are laid out.

Remember they cut the nation in half six tribes six tribes. They climb up on the two mountains Ebal and and Gerizim and they yell back and forth to each other. It's kind of like a gigantic football crowd, you know, and they they call out the the the current well first the blessings of obedience and then the cursings of disobedience and is that whole Ceremony a ritual was designed to enforce this reality.

There is tremendous blessing associated with obedience to God and That principle I think we can just summarize it like this Obedience brings blessing. Disobedience brings cursing. Obedience brings blessing.

Disobedience brings cursing and that Reality was what underlines the book of Proverbs as you work through the book of Proverbs. That's what's running underneath the surface there as well.

So.

Moses direct words to the nation of Israel, but why did Paul Include this promise in a letter written to Gentiles. Why didn't he cut it off with just saying honor your father and mother? Why does he include this is the first commandment with a promise so that it may be well with you and that you may live Long on the earth.

Why does he do that? He's writing the Gentiles. They are not the recipients of of God's covenant with the nation of Israel. So so what's going on here? Well some commentators Try to answer this question by spiritualizing Paul's words as a reference to eternal life and what they say is that what Paul is is bringing to to light here for the Gentile believers in Ephesus is that as you Honor your mother and father it will you will be blessed with eternal life.

It will be an outworking an expression of your faith the faith which will bless you with eternal life. But I don't think it works. I don't think it works. I think if Paul were trying to tie the promise of Eternal life into the honoring of fathers and mothers here He would use the expression for eternal life the Greek expression for eternal life, but he doesn't he doesn't he uses a term That means live long.

Not eternal life and there's a big difference between living long and eternal life. Some of you have lived long. But you're you know, not in this not in this body. You're not getting eternal life. Beyond that notice That the fulfillment of the promise comes on the earth.

You see it verse 3 comes on the earth. It's not it doesn't say it's coming in heaven. So the idea that this is somehow just a spiritual promise of life everlasting. I don't think works. I don't think it works.

I Think what Paul is doing. I think he's reminding the believers of the wisdom of God the wisdom of God that has been baked into the creation and In this wisdom of God baked into the creation clearly ties obedience and material blessing together.

They're tied together. The fact that they don't operate perfectly. It's not a it's not a mathematical equation if I do this I get this right. That's the that's the fallacy and nonsense of the prosperity movement.

But it still runs under the Proverbs for sure. I Think the fact that it doesn't perfectly correlate in this life is the purpose of the book of Ecclesiastes. It explains how come it doesn't work every time.

How is it that the righteous suffer? Well, how is it that the wicked prosper? Well, there is an answer to a certain extent which is finally This is hidden in God in it's beyond you.

But here.

Back to the point as parents as parents we are to encourage our children to understand the reality of the connection of obedience and blessing. There's a connection. There's a correlation between obedience and Blessing and how do we do that?

How do we help our children our believing children even to understand the correlation between obedience and blessing? Well, we can do this by reading the Old Testament to them by reading the Old Testament to them and pointing out the connection Between obedience and the way of blessing as we encounter it there in the Old Testament, and it's certainly replete and I think we can further instruct them in this by graciously and humbly making observations about the events of life.

Both its failures and its successes and that includes ours and Others and our children's. Everywhere we look Everywhere we look we see these kinds of connections. For example, how do we do this? Well go to Proverbs 24.

I'm just give you one illustration here Proverbs 24 How do I how do I go about? Making these observations to my children in a humble way in a gracious way of The reality that obedience brings blessing and disobedience brings cursing.

Well in in Proverbs chapter 24 beginning in verse 30 to the end of the chapter I think it's a perfect one.

We're here.

The writer says I passed by the field of the sluggard and by the vineyard of the man lacking sense and Behold it was completely overgrown with thistles. Its surface was covered with nettles and its stone wall was broken down.

This place is run down. He's walking by and he sees a piece of property that is completely run down it is it is lacking care from one end to the other. Verse 32. And I saw I Reflected upon it. I didn't just observe it.

I stopped and I thought about this a little bit. What can I learn from walking by a ramshackle house. Looked and I received instruction a.

Little sleep a.

Little slumber a little folding of the hands to rest and. Your poverty will come as a robber. In other words unexpectedly upon you and your wants like an armed man. He will overpower you. Can you learn something about obedience and blessing and disobedience and cursing from walking by a broken-down piece of property.

Yeah, you absolutely can. You absolutely can and should and as a father as a mother is a parent. We need to be alert. To observe what's going on and then take the time to make application to our children.

Hey, son. Look, this is what happens. When when you when you're not diligent when you don't apply yourself to the task at hand. This is what you will reap. You'll reap a life that looks like this Ramshackle house all broken down.

That's what's in store for you. Proverbs 13 15 it says good understanding produces favor. But the way of the treacherous is hard the way of the treacherous is hard. Teach your children to make the connection the correlation between obedience and blessing and disobedience and The cursings that come to it and that leads us to our third approach our third approach.

Showing the Gospel by Example

The third approach in teaching children to do right in a world that does wrong and here it is verse 4. Show them the gospel by your example. Show them the gospel by your example. If we were to only make the connection we would run a danger of moralism of Only trying to treat surface behaviors.

We need to we need to do that, but we need to press through it and beyond it to the gospel itself. And that's what Paul is instructing here in verse 4 fathers. Do not provoke your children to anger. But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Now we might Assume that Paul would just continue his instruction to the children and tell the children don't provoke your parents. We kind of Be logical, right? I mean, there's not a parent here who hasn't been provoked.

But he doesn't do that. He doesn't do that. He ends his instruction to them with obedience and honor and now he Transitions just like all the other relationships first of the the instruction goes to the to the party.

That is that is under the submission and then he turns to the party in authority and it begins to address them and he addresses them in a very Strong way or instructive way just like he does fathers with with wives, right?

We saw that we have 14 for the father 7 for the women same for the children here children. You have one task. It's pretty simple. Fathers. Others why fathers Notice he says obey your parents verse 1. Why did he turn to fathers verse 4?

Why didn't they say parents do not provoke your children to anger? Well, I think there's a couple of possibilities here one I think strongly and that is that the father bears the primary spiritual responsibility for his home.

And so in dressing him he is addressing his wife as well. They're one flesh and thus addressing the leadership of the home. I think that is not particularly Arguable. It's also possible That fathers are more likely to provoke their children to anger than wives.

Okay, that's my supposition. I don't have any strong like oh this verse says that and that verse says that that's just my observation of life. My observation of life in first this I'll go ahead and turn their first deaths chapter 2 Paul references a father's involvement With their children and he uses it interestingly uses it as a as a metaphor.

For his care for the Thessalonian believers first this chapter 2 verses 10 through 12 Paul says you're my witnesses. He's writing to these believers here in Thessalonica. You're my witnesses and so is God how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers just as you know how we were exhorting and Encouraging and imploring each of you as a father would his own children.

So that you would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into his own kingdom and glory. So all appeals to common knowledge about a father's interaction with his children and uses it as the metaphor to speak about his shepherding of this fledgling church in Thessalonica.

But here back in chapter 6 of Ephesians and verse 4 we have a direct command to the fathers and The direct command is that they demonstrate the gospel to their children and that they do so in a twofold way.

Fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This is a command to them To share the gospel with their children by example first being avoid your own ungodly behavior.

All right, do not provoke them to anger. That's just a that's a that's a rubric. That's a place marker, but do not Exhibit or set another way avoid your own ungodly examples and behavior and then secondly Engage yourself in the shepherding of your children's hearts.

So control yourself and Then shepherd them this is how you bring the gospel to bear dads. Don't provoke them. Don't provoke them again. The sister epistle Colossians 321 father. Do not exasperate your children.

So that they will not lose heart here. Don't provoke them to anger there. Don't exasperate them so that they become discouraged so that they lose heart. Okay, sounds simple enough. Well, let's ask the question Dad, how?

Do we provoke our children to anger? What do we do that provokes our children to anger or what do we do that exasperates them and and discourages them causes them to Lose heart what kinds of things? Might we do and and perhaps do without even realizing it maybe because our father did it with us.

And so we just think it's normal and we pass the pathology on here's some ideas for you. Okay, simply ideas. I think we provoke our children to anger dad and I can say mom. I'll say dad, but it's dad.

Emma. When we operate by a double standard for sin in our home. When we operate by a double standard for sin in our home. In other words, we have one standard for ourselves and another for them. One for us one for them and it's not the same.

It's not the same. Or we're just inconsistent in addressing their sin. One week it seems like dad's not all that exercised about this and then two weeks later a Thermal nuclear device goes off. What in the world is going on?

We need consistency. What's right is right. What's wrong is wrong. It's always wrong. It's always right. I'll live by it. You live by it. To fail to do that. It's run the risk of exasperating them. It's a run the risk of making them angry and This by the way dad's Will confront us in our own laziness.

It will confront us in our own laziness. In other words, you probably have to get up off the couch and do something. And you know, the laser pointer is not sufficient. But hey, you're tired. I get it.

I get it. It's easier to just let it go. Maybe it'll maybe if I just ignore it'll go away, you know, I won't go away. It won't go away actually a compound. So we operate by a double standard that's one way to anger.

That's one way to provoke our children anger. Another one is to exercise a critical spirit. So that whatever our children do it's not good enough. You know good job son, but. As soon as you say but and start to spill this stuff out the whole good job son part like disappears.

You vacated it of its value. Can't you just be happy to say good job son period but how many times do we find ourselves doing this? How many times? We have a critical spirit when we approach our children or.

Another way is to give them no freedom to fail. To give them no freedom to fail. We we constantly Rescue them from their failures now. We've heard about this, right? We have the we have the. Or they call the bubble wrap moms.

Isn't that what they call them or something like that or you know, they kind of hover over them. Can't let junior ever fail, you know, everybody gets a participation trophy kind of a mindset. It produces a generation of what we call them now snowflakes.

I think something like that. Right, we just failure is so important in growth. We grow way more by our failures than our successes and yet as parents. Often we're we're we're quick to enter in and Relieve our children of their own failure.

Let them fail. Let them fail be there to come along and help. Don't you know don't grind them with it.

But let him fail.

Let him fail we.

Provoke our children to anger when we mock their shortcomings and their failures. When we mock their shortcomings and their failures We need to beware of the sarcastic tongue. For you can bite very deeply it can bite very deeply.

So don't mock them. We can provoke our children to anger or exasperate and discourage them by inappropriate teasing. Inappropriate teasing but every every family Has a measure of teasing and I think it is healthy.

We need to be able to laugh at ourselves because hey, you know what? We're all we all do really funny stuff. But teasing can quickly descend from good-natured to hurtful and Usually the last one to know when it has happened is the one doing the teasing.

So just be careful. Beware teasing can go too far and it can go too far pretty quick the inappropriate teasing another way. Oh. Behavior or performance. Unreasonable demands in terms of their behavior or their performance.

In other words grow up son. You're the man.

Yes, dad.

How many years old? Be a man. I was a man. Sometimes we fail to adequately teach or model the skill we demand. We fail to take the time to adequately teach it to them or model it for them before we require it of them.

Clean your room. Son clean your room. We've never showed him how to clean a room. We've never really shown him how to do it. We've never taken the time to explain to them the benefits that come from having a clean room.

It's just a command. We bark out clean your room. But what if we were to take the time to show them? How to do it. Stuffing it in the closet is not the best approach. Son. Why do we clean the room. Dad.

Well we clean it because we don't want to trip over stuff. We clean it because that way stuff doesn't get lost or broken or stolen. We clean it so that we can readily access our toys and clothes and so forth when we need them or when we desire them.

We.

By by keeping the room clean then then your possessions son are not so easily abused by you by our guests and visitors. They don't just come in and trash your stuff. Let's put away. These are just like simple benefits of cleaning your room and but do we ever tell our children that or we just demand them to clean.

The room.

Never explain it. Listen dad. If your workbench is constantly a disaster. Or mom if your kitchen is a perpetual mess. Then it rings kind of hollow to insist your children clean their rooms. If we can't do it.

We haven't got it figured out yet and yet to hold them to that standard is to exasperate them it is to provoke them. Oh another way it can happen is to make no provision for a child to appeal your decision.

To make no provision for appeal. Hey, it's my word. Like the law that means in a person saying, you know, once it's said so let it be written. So let it be done. The lack an appeal process for a child Is to frustrate them because guess what?

You don't always have all the facts. You don't always make the right answer. All right decisions there needs to be a way for them to respectfully come to you and say Dad could could I appeal this decision?

Got it. Can we just talk about it a little more? Maybe there's some things that maybe you weren't aware of. It's an attitude of humility as an attitude of obedience, it's just saying hey, can we just talk a little more?

I'll abide by your decision, but there may be some things you don't know. We provoke our children to anger by making comparisons to the other siblings. Or to their friends. Why can't you be more like your sister?

She's so smart. She always gets A's in school and look at you. Are you dumb? No, actually, I'm a boy and The educational system of this country is built for girls. Sit still color in the lines be quiet do what you're told and you'll get an A.

But I'm a boy. I like to break stuff. We provoke our children to anger when we tie the closeness of our relationship to them to the level of their performance.

Right.

We're close to them when they're doing what they're supposed to do. When they fail we withdraw. We withdraw or we make them afraid to come to us and admit their failures to admit their sins or their spiritual doubts.

There's no there's no safety in that. That leaves them no place to go. Well one more here and then we're all sufficiently beat up. We provoke our children to anger when we tie our pride and our ego to their external performance as good Christian children.

Be a good Christian child, it's church. Do not embarrass me. You will exasperate them with that approach. So show them the gospel by your Example don't provoke them deal with your own sin. Second half of that is to nourish them.

See it. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In contrast they're provoking them to anger. The Christian father is to nurture them. Trefo same word used over in verse 29 where it's it says that The husband is to nourish cherish his wife like Christ does the church same same verb so we Nurture our children in the sphere and influence of the Lord.

In other words in the gospel Sphere and influence of the Lord, which is another way to just say the gospel the gospel. The process of doing that notice it here. It's described by two words discipline and instruction.

The first word discipline pedia. It's it's related to the word Paul uses over in Galatians 325 where the pedagogos, which is the teacher or the tutor. Okay, so it carries that idea of teaching tutoring.

Instructing is here in this word discipline and the other word instruction.

Nuthesia.

We it's it's also connected to the verb new Nuta fetto new that tech. Oh, sorry. Which is translated as a monish. So it's the idea of admonishing or or calling attention to something and so we have these two words and they're close in their meaning.

But but there is a difference I think I think the difference is this that discipline speaks of educational activity educational activity and disciplines and instruction emphasizes the verbal aspect of Admonishment reproof and encouragement.

In other words, we there's a two-fold process. They're close. They're related they overlap. But it is that the training of children in the things of the Lord has both an educational component. The idea of discipline and it has as well an encouragement slash admonishment component where we deal with a particular.

Behavior the.

Educational component we would say is Bible teaching it. Just say it that way teach your children the Bible. Teach your children the Bible. That's what it means to bring them up in the discipline of the Lord teach them the Bible.

But as well as that is you need to be prepared to reprove them or to admonish them when they don't prove them or admonish them or instruct them when they don't. Now again, let me just suggest to you a possible approach.

Okay, so that's what the text says now. Let's just kind of talk about what's a possible approach to this. How could I do this? I think one way to approach the admonishment portion Is to ask your children in the moment.

What lie was sin telling you when you acted in such-and-such a way. What lie was your sin telling you at this moment when you did this. Okay that takes it away from the behavior just dealing with the behavior and it takes it to the root underneath the behavior.

There's a lie going on here. There's a lie going on and what is it? What lie is your sin telling you when you act in such-and-such a way in other words You want to help your children to see the deceitfulness of sin?

There is deceit going on here in your own heart son for example. Son, what lie was your sin telling you when you chose to look at pornography? Son. What lie was your sin telling you in that moment when you chose? to look at pornography and then listen to what they might say and.

Depending what they say you can begin to coach them to see it. For example son. Your sin was lying to you when it told you that a woman is not a person made in the image of God. But it's a thing to be used.

Your sin is lying to you in that. Your sin is lying to you in the moment when the temporal sexual thrill is a greater appeal to you than the fellowship of Christ. Your sin is lying to you. Your sin is lying to you son when and when it tells you that that this is there's only one time.

This is just like one time it only one time. Because what lies behind that is the sin that that sin doesn't enslave and it does it does.

Son.

It's enslaving your sin lies to you when it tells you this image will not remain in your head forever.

Forever.

Your sin is lying to you when it tells you that the future guilt Is a fair trade for the temporal pleasure. Your sin is lying to you. Hebrews 11 25 Calls it the passing pleasures of sin. That's what Moses turned from in Egypt.

We should acknowledge there's pleasure in sin for a season, but your sin is lying to you. If it's telling you that that's a fair trade at momentary pleasure for the long-term consequence. That brings the discussion back to the deceitful nature of sin and its appeal to the flesh.

This is gospel work and. Then we can follow up that line of questioning with with a dialogue something like this. You know, what would have been the believing response son to this particular temptation?

What would have been a believing response? We see now you see how sin has lied to you. But what would a believing response to be in? Light of the temptation. Well, it would be to recognize that sin is first and foremost against God.

It's against God back to earlier comments about ways you read the Old Testament. Go to Genesis 39. Where we have Joseph? In Egypt, right. And his master's wife is continually trying to seduce him. She's hunting for him verse 9 Where he says there is no one greater in this house than I and he has withheld nothing from me except you.