Raising Children to Do Right - Part 2 (Eph. 6:1-4)

Well open your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 6 Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1 through 4 this morning

Ephesians 6 1 through 4 and let's pray and ask the

Lord's enablement for us this morning our great

God and father how Thankful we are to be your children

To realize that Christ has paid it all for us that there remains no sin debt hanging over us.

We are justified by union with Christ and we

Have the blessing of knowing that you are at peace with us and thus we can be at peace with you and yet our father here in our justified state we remain in a in a struggle a hand -to -hand conflict with the flesh

And it is a battle that we can never take a holiday from that we can never relax

The reality that unless we are killing sin sin is killing us and So our father we pray for your spirits help this morning as we conduct this battle battle for the mind for the heart for the affections

May you enable us to hear the word To receive it with faith and to apply it where needed for each of us

Our father your spirit delights in this and is our aid and enablement in it

And so we are so very very grateful for the gift of the Spirit For he brings glory to Christ in whose name we pray.

Amen All right, so the sixth chapter of Ephesians Ephesians chapter 6 and Verses 1 through 4 and we're returning to the text for a second time this morning under the title of raising children to do right raising children to do right

And you know parenting classes and parenting seminars are kind of a perennial favorite in the evangelical

Church It's a pretty much a staple for most and I suspect that one of the reasons for that is the reality that Children don't come home from the hospital with any instructions on the box.

I Can remember when our oldest was born and we brought her home and I remember turning her over and looking, you know, not nothing

No instructions here at all and so It can be challenging it can be challenging

I think additionally there's just the the reality of the Societal breakdown that washes over us and with regard to families and we've lost a fair amount of intergenerational wisdom

We just don't generally speaking as a culture have the advantages that Were there several generations ago when homes were more intact and people lived closer and more intergenerationally with each other and so there was the

Opportunity to pass wisdom down in that way that for many is just not a reality for them.

And so that contributes as well But this section here in Ephesians, I think contains some really important Parenting information and it's not just for young moms and dads.

Although it is that for sure But it's for all generations For all the generations and the reason it's for all the generations is because we are inextricably

Connected to one another we are Jim. We are generationally connected. We are in relationship intergenerationally and that means that even simultaneously we are often parents children and grandparents and we're mixed into this and and the responsibilities and Obligations and opportunities that that come to us because of that We can find great help here in this text

Now this is this is obviously not an exhaustive text on on raising children far from it but there's some very important things here for us and and if we can hear them and receive them and Seek to implement them as we walk for the spirit then we can make progress

We can make good progress in these things So, let's read the text beginning in verse 1 of chapter 6

Where Paul says children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right Honor your father and mother

Which is the first commandment for the promise? So that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth

Fathers do not provoke your children to anger But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the

Lord Last time as we came to this text, we said we're going to approach it on a threefold basis

So there we have a threefold approach the Paul gives here for raising children to do right in a world that does wrong

Raising children to do right in a world that does wrong and last time we looked at just the first one and it was this

In verses 1 and 2 the first part of this approach was to help them help your children to recognize their obligation

Help your children to recognize their obligation Children obey your parents in the

Lord for this is right Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise

We noted last time that the children that Paul refers to here are

Those who are still young enough to be in his home in the home of their fathers and under their father's authority

And protection and provision and yet old enough to hear Paul's Admonition directly to them that they would live

And walk by the Spirit because it still all falls under that rubric of back in 518 to be filled by the

Spirit this is another outgrowth of this and so they are old enough and Then spiritually alert enough or at least

Paul's assuming this for them to hear this command and obey it Obey it so they are not babies

But the words broad tech nights, it's a broad term for children So they are being brought up notice verse 4 brought up by their fathers

Specifically mentioned here the idea that they're receiving his discipline. They're receiving his instruction

And we noted again here in this first Approach and they there is given a twofold command

It's two overlapping but not identical commands. The first was this to obey It was the command to obey simply verse one children obey your parents where this is, right?

Who Pacool was the the Greek verb there? It means to to do what you're told That's just fundamentally what it means to do what you're told the children are to be to do what they're told without Qualification without limitation and we explored that last week some of the applications of that and The reason that Paul gives to do it notice is that it is right

Do it because it is right. It is right in the sight of God It is right in the sight of God children.

Obey your parents without qualification without limitation because it is right

The idea that obedience to parents is is very much woven into the law of Moses And it expresses the mind of God and because it expresses the mind of God it is right the chaos right or righteous

In other words, it pleases God this pleases God children. You want to know how to please

God obey your parents? It's really simple. It's really simple in Colossians chapter 3 in verse 20 that sister epistle

Paul explains it there He says children be obedient to your parents in all things.

So you same idea obedience all things no qualifications And then he says for this is well pleasing to God So here he says it's right here over in Colossians.

It's well pleasing to God kind of scoops up the idea Obey your parents. That's the first command

The second command is to honor them. It's to honor them and we see that in verse 2 honor your father and mother

Which is the first commandment with a promise? And we noted again last time that the command to honor your parents

Incorporates for those children who are home that command to obey in other words you honor

Through obedience honor your parents if you're at home if you're under their authority or under their protection under their provision

Obey them and by obeying them you will honor them and that is pleasing to God but eventually

In the vast majority of cases a man leaves his father and his mother right and he is joined to his wife and they become

One flesh in other words a new family unit is created and in that case the command to obey that duty to obey

Transitions from the childhood expression of honor, which is obedience and it gives way to the more mature obligation to honor

Which is what lasts a lifetime? So to honor your father and mother is never time limited its expression may change with circumstance but the reality of the command to honor mom and dad your mother and father is a

Requirement for a believer that lasts a lifetime It lasts a lifetime in this commandment.

Paul notes contains a promise you see it verse 2, which is the first commandment with a promise and the promise that it contains is for a long and Prosperous life for those who obey a long and prosperous life

So our first approach here to raising children to do right in a world that does wrong is to teach them

To do right things to obey and to honor Second second is to encourage them to see the connection

Encourage them to see the connection verse 3 So that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth

So that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth We need to help our children to see this connection that Paul is making

Now this original sixth commandment to Israel Was that by honoring their parents the children of the

Covenant would enjoy the benefits of the Covenant Which was a long and prosperous

Living or land or life in the promised land For example

He says in Deuteronomy chapter 5 and verse 16 honor your father and your mother as the

Lord Your God has commanded you that your days may be prolonged and that you may and that it may go well with you on The land which the

Lord your God gives you now this Deuteronomy is given by Moses there

To the on the plains of Moab to the east of the Jordan River when they're about ready to enter into the land

So it's the second giving of the law and so here he gives again the sixth commandment

And he says you were to honor your father and mother and as you do that you as children will be partakers of the

Covenant and receive the blessings of the Covenant We were to have the time we would go to The end of the book of Deuteronomy so you can do it on your own

But if you would go to chapters 27 and 28 You'll remember there where the blessings and curses of the

Covenant are laid out Remember they cut the nation in half six tribes six tribes They climb up on the two mountains Ebal and and Gerizim and they yell back and forth to each other

It's kind of like a gigantic football crowd, you know and they they call out the the the current well first the blessings of obedience and then the cursings of disobedience and is that whole

Ceremony a ritual was designed to enforce this reality. There is tremendous blessing

Associated with obedience to God and That principle

I think we can just summarize it like this obedience brings blessing disobedience brings cursing

Obedience brings blessing disobedience brings cursing and that Reality was what underlines the book of Proverbs as you work through the book of Proverbs.

That's what's running underneath the surface There as well so Moses direct words to the nation of Israel But why did

Paul include this promise in a letter written to Gentiles? Why didn't he cut it off with just saying honor your father and mother?

Why does he include this is the first commandment with a promise so that it may be well with you and that you may live Long on the earth.

Why does he do that? He's writing the Gentiles they are not the recipients of of God's covenant with the nation of Israel So so what's going on here?

well some commentators try to answer this question by spiritualizing

Paul's words as a reference to eternal life and what they say is that what

Paul is is bringing to to light here for the Gentile believers in Ephesus is that as you

Honor your mother and father it will you will be blessed with eternal life

It will be an outworking an expression of your faith the faith which will bless you with eternal life

But I don't think it works I don't think it works I think if Paul were trying to tie the promise of Eternal life into the honoring of fathers and mothers here

He would use the expression for eternal life the Greek expression for eternal life, but he doesn't he doesn't he?

Uses a term that means live long Not eternal life and there's a big difference between living long and eternal life.

Some of you have lived long But you're you know, not in this not in this body.

You're not getting eternal life Beyond that notice

That the fulfillment of the promise comes on the earth. You see it verse 3 comes on the earth

It's not it doesn't say it's coming in heaven So the idea that this is somehow just a spiritual promise of life everlasting

I don't think works. I don't think it works. I Think what Paul is doing?

I think he's reminding the believers of the wisdom of God the wisdom of God that has been baked into the creation and In this wisdom of God baked into the creation clearly ties obedience and material blessing together

They're tied together The fact that they don't operate perfectly. It's not a not a mathematical equation if I do this

I get this right That's the that's the fallacy and nonsense of the prosperity movement But it still runs under the

Proverbs for sure. I Think the fact that it doesn't perfectly correlate in this life is the purpose of the book of Ecclesiastes It explains how come it doesn't work every time.

How is it that the righteous suffer? Well, how is it that the wicked prosper? Well, there is an answer to a certain extent, which is finally

This is hidden in God and it's beyond you But here back to the point as parents as parents we are to encourage our children to understand the reality of the connection of obedience and blessing there's a connection there's a correlation between obedience and Blessing and how do we do that?

How do we help our children our believing children even to understand the correlation between obedience and blessing?

Well, we can do this by reading the Old Testament to them By reading the Old Testament to them and pointing out the connection

Between obedience and the way of blessing as we encounter it there in the Old Testament, and it's certainly replete

And I think we can further instruct them in this by graciously and humbly making observations about the events of life both its failures and its successes and that includes ours and Others and our children's

Everywhere we look everywhere we look we see these kinds of connections

For example, how do we do this? Well go to Proverbs 24. I'm just gonna give you one illustration here

Proverbs 24 How do I how do I go about? making these observations to my children in a humble way in a gracious way of The reality that obedience brings blessing and disobedience brings cursing

Well in Proverbs chapter 24 beginning in verse 30 to the end of the chapter. I think it's a perfect one

We're here the writer says I passed by the field of the sluggard and by the vineyard of the man lacking sense

And behold it was completely overgrown with thistles Its surface was covered with nettles and its stone wall was broken down.

This place is run down He's walking by and he sees a piece of property that is completely run down It is lacking care from one end to the other there's 32 and I saw

I Reflected upon it. I didn't just observe it. I stopped and I thought about this a little bit

But but what can I learn from walking by a ramshackle house?

Looked and I received instruction a little sleep a Little slumber a little folding of the hands to rest and your poverty will come as a robber in other words

Unexpectedly upon you and your wants like an armed man. He will overpower you

Can you learn something about obedience and blessing and disobedience and cursing from walking by a broken -down piece of property

Yeah, you absolutely can You absolutely can and should and as a father as a mother as a parent.

We need to be alert To observe what's going on and then take the time to make application to our children

Hey, son Look, this is what happens When when you when you're not diligent when you don't apply yourself to the task at hand.

This is what you will reap You'll reap a life that looks like this ramshackle house all broken down.

That's what's in store for you Proverbs 13 15. It says good understanding produces favor

But the way of the treacherous is hard the way of the treacherous is hard teach your children to make the connection the correlation between obedience and blessing and disobedience and The cursings that come to it and that leads us to our third approach our third approach

The third approach in teaching children to do right in a world that does wrong and here it is verse 4

Show them the gospel by your example Show them the gospel by your example if we were to only make the connection we would run a danger of moralism of Only trying to treat surface behaviors

We need to we need to do that, but we need to press through it and beyond it to the gospel itself

And that's what Paul is instructing here in verse 4 fathers

Do not provoke your children to anger But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the

Lord now we might Assume that Paul would just continue his instruction to the children and tell the children don't provoke your parents

We kind of be logical right? I mean there's not a parent here who hasn't been provoked

But he doesn't do that He doesn't do that. He ends his instruction to them with obedience and honor and now he

Transitions just like all the other relationships first to the the instruction goes to the to the party

That is that is under the submission and then he turns to the party in authority and it begins to address them and he addresses them in a very

Strong way or instructive way just like he does fathers with with wives, right? We saw that we have 14 for the father 7 for the same for the children here children.

You have one task. It's pretty simple Fathers Others why fathers

Notice he says obey your parents verse 1. Why did he turn to fathers verse 4? Why didn't they say parents do not provoke your children to anger?

Well, I think there's a couple of possibilities here one I think strongly and that is that the father bears the primary spiritual

Responsibility for his home and so in dressing him he is addressing his wife as well

They're one flesh and thus addressing the leadership of the home. I think that is not particularly arguable

It's also possible That fathers are more likely to provoke their children to anger than wives

Okay, that's my supposition. I don't have any strong like oh this verse says that and that verse says that that's just my observation of life

My observation of life in first deaths. I'll go ahead and turn their first deaths chapter 2

Paul references a father's involvement With their children and he uses it interestingly he uses it as a as a metaphor

For his care for the Thessalonian believers first that's chapter 2 verses 10 through 12

Paul says you're my witnesses. He's writing to these believers here. That's what I could you're my witnesses And so is

God how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers

Just as you know how we were exhorting and Encouraging and imploring each of you as a father would his own children so that you would walk in a manner worthy of the

God who calls you into his own kingdom and glory, so all appeals to common knowledge about a father's interaction with his children and uses it as the metaphor to speak about his

Shepherding of this fledgling Church in Thessalonica here back in chapter 6 of Ephesians and verse 4 we have a direct command to the fathers and The direct command is that they demonstrate the gospel to their children and that they do so in a twofold way

Fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord This is a command to them to share the gospel with their children by example first being avoid your own ungodly behavior

I Do not provoke them to anger. That's just a that's a there's a rubric. That's a place marker for do not

Exhibit or or said another way avoid your own ungodly examples and behavior and then secondly

Engage yourself in the shepherding of your children's hearts So control yourself and Then shepherd them

This is how you bring the gospel to bear dads Don't provoke them Don't provoke them again the sister epistle

Colossians 321 father. Do not exasperate your children So that they will not lose heart here.

Don't provoke them to anger They're don't exasperate them so that they become discouraged so that they lose heart

Okay sounds simple enough well, let's ask the question dad how

Do we provoke our children to anger? What do we do that provokes our children to anger or what do we do that exasperates them and and discourages them causes them to Lose heart what kinds of things?

Might we do and and perhaps do without even realizing it Maybe because our father did it with us.

And so we just think it's normal And we pass the pathology on here's some ideas for you.

Okay, simply ideas I think we provoke our children to anger dad and I can say mom

I'll say dad, but it's dad Emma When we operate by a double standard for sin in our home

When we operate by a double standard for sin in our home In other words, we have one standard for ourselves and another for them

One for us one for them and it's not the same it's not the same or We're just inconsistent in addressing their sin

One week it seems like dad's not all that exercised about this and then two weeks later a

Thermal nuclear device goes off what in the world is going on? We need consistency what's right is right what's wrong is wrong.

It's always wrong. It's always right. I'll live by it. You live by it Okay to fail to do that It's run the risk of exasperating them.

It's around the risk of making them angry and this by the way dads

Will confront us in our own laziness It will confront us in our own laziness.

In other words, you probably have to get up off the couch and do something You know, the laser pointer is not sufficient

But hey, you're tired. I get it. I get it. It's easier to just let it go Maybe it'll maybe if I just ignore it'll go away.

Yeah, I won't go away It won't go away actually a compound So we operate by a double standard that's one way to anger

What's one way to provoke our children anger? Another one is to exercise a critical spirit So that whatever our children do it's not good enough

You know good job son, but As soon as you say but and start to spill this stuff out the whole good job son part like disappears

You vacated it of its value Can't you just be happy to say good job son period but how many times do we find ourselves doing this?

How many times? we have a critical spirit when we approach our children or Another way is to give them no freedom to fail

To give them no freedom to fail we we constantly Rescue them from their failures.

Now. We've heard about this, right? We have the we have the What do they call the bubble wrap moms?

Isn't that what they call them or something like that or you know, they kind of hover over them Can't let junior ever fail, you know, everybody gets a participation trophy kind of a mindset

It produces a generation and what we call them now snowflakes I think something like that Right, we just failure is so important and gross

We grow way more by our failures than our successes and yet as parents often we're we're we're quick to enter in and Relieve our children of their own failure.

Let them fail Let them fail be there to come along and help Don't you know don't grind them with it

But let him fail Let him fail we

Provoke our children to anger when we mock their shortcomings and their failures When we mock their shortcomings and their failures

We need to beware of the sarcastic tongue For you can bite very deeply it can bite very deeply

So don't mock them. We can provoke our children to anger or exasperate and discourage them by inappropriate teasing

In appropriate teasing But every every family Has a measure of teasing and I think it is healthy

We need to be able to laugh at ourselves because hey, you know what? We're all we all do really funny stuff But teasing can quickly descend from good -natured to hurtful and Usually the last one to know when it has happened is the one doing the teasing.

So just be careful Beware teasing can go too far and it can go too far pretty quick the inappropriate teasing another way.

Oh Here's another one for you making unreasonable demands upon them in terms of their behavior or performance

Unreasonable demands in terms of their behavior or their performance. In other words, go up son. You're the man Yes, dad

How many years old? Be a man. I was a man Sometimes we fail to adequately teach or model the skill we demand

We fail to take the time to adequately teach it to them or model it for them before we require it of them

Clean your room Son clean your room We've never showed him how to clean a room

We've never really shown him how to do it We've never taken the time to explain to them the benefits that come from having a clean room

It's just a command we bark out clean your room But what if we were to take the time to show them how to do it stuff in it in the closet is not the best approach son

Why do we clean the room dad well we clean it because we don't want to trip over stuff We clean it because that way stuff doesn't get lost or broken or stolen

We clean it so that we can readily Access our toys and clothes and so forth when we need them or when we desire them we

By keeping the room clean then then your possessions son are not so easily abused by you by our guests and visitors

They don't just come in and trash your stuff. Let's put away These are just like simple benefits of cleaning your room and but do we ever tell our children that or we just demand them to clean the room

Never explain it Listen dad if your workbench is constantly a disaster

Or mom if your kitchen is a perpetual mess Then it rings kind of hollow to insist your children clean their rooms

If we can't do it We haven't got it figured out yet and yet to hold them to that standard is to exasperate them

It is to provoke them, oh another way it can happen is to make no provision for a child to appeal your decision

To make no provision for appeal Hey, it's my word Like the law of the means and the

Persians and you know once it's said so let it be written. So let it be done to lack an appeal process for a child

Is to frustrate them because guess what you don't always have all the facts. You don't always make the right answer

All right decisions. There needs to be a way for them to respectfully come to you and say

Dad could could I appeal this decision? Can I can we just talk about it a little more? Maybe there's some things that maybe you weren't aware of it's an attitude of humility as an attitude of obedience

It's just saying hey, can we just talk a little more? I'll abide by your decision, but there may be some things you don't know

We provoke our children to anger by making comparisons to the other siblings Or to their friends.

Why can't you be more like your sister? She's so smart. She always gets A's in school and look at you

Are you dumb? No, actually, I'm a boy and Educational system of this country is built for girls

Sit still color in the lines be quiet do what you're told and you'll get an A But I'm a boy.

I Like to break stuff We provoke our children to anger when we tie the closeness of our relationship to them to the level of their performance, right?

We're close to them when they're doing what they're supposed to do when they fail we withdraw

We withdraw or we make them afraid to come to us and admit their failures to admit their sins or their spiritual doubts

There's no there's no safety in that That leaves them no place to go.

Well one more here and then we're all sufficiently beat up We provoke our children to anger when we tie our pride and our ego to their external performance as good

Christian children Be a good Christian child.

It's church Do not embarrass me You will exasperate them with that approach

So show them The gospel by your example

Don't provoke them deal with your own sin second half of that is to nourish them see it bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the

Lord a Contrast of provoking them to anger. The Christian father is to nurture them a

Trefo same word used over in verse 29 where it's it says that The husband is to nourish cherish his wife like Christ does the church same same verb so we

Nurture our children in the sphere and influence of the Lord. In other words in the gospel in the sphere and influence of the

Lord, which is another way to just say the gospel the gospel the process of doing that notice it here

It's described by two words discipline and instruction the first word discipline pedia

It's it's related to the word Paul uses over in Galatians on 325 where the

Pedagogos, which is the teacher or the tutor. Okay, so it carries that idea of teaching tutoring

Instructing is here in this word discipline and the other word instruction

Nuthesia We it's it's also connected to the verb new new the fetto new the tech.

Oh, sorry Now which is translated as a monish So it's the idea of admonishing or or calling attention to something and so we have these two words and they're close in their meaning

But but there is a difference. I think I think the difference is this that discipline speaks of educational activity

Educational activity and disciplines and instruction emphasizes the verbal aspect of admonishment reproof and encouragement

In other words, we there's a twofold process. They're close. They're related they overlap

But it is that the training of children in the things of the Lord has both an educational component the idea of discipline and it has as well an encouragement slash

Admonishment component where we deal with a particular Behavior the educational component we would say is

Bible teaching It just say it that way teach your children the Bible teach your children the

Bible That's what it means to bring them up in the discipline of the Lord teach them the Bible But as well as that is you need to be prepared to reprove them or to admonish them when they don't

Prove them or admonish them or instruct them when they don't now

Again, let me just suggest to you a possible approach Okay, so that's what the text is.

Now. Let's just kind of talk about what's a possible approach to this How could I do this? I think one way to approach the admonishment portion

Is to ask your children in the moment What lie was sin telling you when you acted in such -and -such a way

What lie was your sin telling you at this moment when you did this?

Okay that takes it away from the behavior just dealing with the behavior and it takes it to the root underneath the behavior

There's a lie going on here. There's a lie going on and what is it? What lie is your sin telling you when you act in such -and -such a way in other words?

You want to help your children to see the deceitfulness of sin? There is deceit going on here in your own heart son for example

Son, what lie was your sin telling you when you chose to look at pornography?

Son What lie was your sin telling you in that moment when you chose?

to look at pornography and then

Listen to what they might say and Depending what they say you can begin to coach them to see it

For example son Your sin was lying to you when it told you that a woman is not a person made in the image of God But it's a thing to be used

Your sin is lying to you in that Your sin is lying to you in the moment when the temporal sexual thrill is a greater appeal to you than the fellowship of Christ Your sin is lying to you

Your sin is lying to you son when and when it tells you that that this is there's only one time This is just like one time it only one time

Because what lies behind that is the sin that that sin doesn't enslave and it does it does

Son, it's enslaving. Your sin lies to you when it tells you this image will not remain in your head forever

Forever your sin is lying to you when it tells you that the future guilt

Is a fair trade for the temporal pleasure Your sin is lying to you

Hebrews 11 25 Calls it the passing pleasures of sin.

That's what Moses turned from in Egypt We should acknowledge there's pleasure in sin for a season, but your sin is lying to you

If it's telling you that that's a fair trade that momentary pleasure for the long -term consequence

That brings the discussion back to the deceitful nature of sin and its appeal to the flesh this is gospel work and Then we can follow up that line of questioning with with a dialogue something like this

You know, what would have been the believing response son to this particular temptation? What would have been a believing response?

We see now you see how sin has lied to you But what would a believing response to be in?

Light of the temptation. Well, it would be to recognize that sin is first and foremost against God It's against God Back to earlier comments about as you read the

Old Testament Go to Genesis 39 Where we have

Joseph In Egypt, right and his master's wife is continually trying to seduce him

She's hunting for him verse 9 Where he says there is no one greater in this house than I and he has withheld nothing from me except you

Because you are his wife How then could I do this great evil and sin against God?

Joseph understands that that sin would be first and foremost against God So that that's that's a believing response is because when you begin to understand that it will provide

Strength for you and then flee its seduction verse 12

She caught him by his garment saying lie with me and he left his garment in her hand and fled and went outside He ran

Flee youthful loss run Run away Run away or Proverbs 9

Proverbs chapter 9 Where we're instructed son to avoid the path of temptation

Avoid the path of temptation Recognize that the temptress is hunting for you

You are the prey 913 the woman of folly is boisterous.

She's naive and knows nothing She sits at the doorway of her house on a seat by the high places of the city

Calling to those who pass by who are making their paths straight It's her call

Whoever is naive let him turn in here and to him who lacks understanding.

She says Stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.

There is pleasure in sin for a season. That's her appeal But he does not know that the dead are there and her guests are in the depths of Sheol it will kill you son

That's a gospel response. This will kill me So I must guard my eyes chapter 5

Verses 7 and 9 I must guard my eyes so that they don't go where they don't belong

Now that my sons listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house or you will give your vigor to others in Your years to the cruel one and strangers will be filled with their strength and your hard -earned goods will go to the house of an alien

Guard your eyes do not go near it But I can handle it right it's just a movie

It's not real. Oh, yeah, it's real The damage it does is real and then a believing response son is to praise

God for the gift of marital intimacy It is a wonderful thing is a beautiful thing

It has been designed by God as a good gift to his children But there's a time and a place to open the gift and it's not now

It is not now So recognize it's there

Recognize its goodness and Then strengthen yourself in the Lord and wait and wait and then get married so you don't burn

You married? This has been assuming you're your child's believer

What a child not a believer But they're young still not believers or what if they're older and still not believers then what?

But they don't have the resources of the indwelling spirit to combat sin. The approach is still the same what?

Lie was your sin telling you in this moment son Because now it is to bring the law to bear as it were and to help them recognize that that sin

Entraps them. They are dead. They are helpless and Then point to the gospel as their only source of delivery

The technique is essentially the same in either case It is sin that snares you it is the gospel that will deliver you

And you must help them to see that You must help them to see it Now this kind of soul work takes time.

It takes time and Time is probably gentlemen our most precious commodity.

Is it not? it is probably our most precious commodity and Therefore it is easier to focus on child rearing external behavior than to do the soul work

Necessary the truth be told

The heat of the moment in our own sinful response to their sin We just want it to stop

We just want it to stop We're tired We do not want to be inconvenienced.

We do not want to be embarrassed We do not want our lives to continually be made difficult by the sin of our children.

And so To enter into the kind of soul work necessary means you got to drop whatever you're doing and that requires self -control on our part a bigger picture

We got to be up behind the behavior to the motive of the heart As the ultimate focus of our training behind the behavior to the motive of the heart we've got to do heart surgery

What we're talking about is disciple making really we are talking about disciple making

Applying the truth of the Word of God closely and carefully in the various situations of life

This is what disciple making is Couple of helpful books for both

Carol and I as we were raising our children were as follows one by Ted trip called shepherding a child's heart

Shepherding a child's heart we found it helpful Another one was by a man by the name of Lou Priolo.

He's gone to be with the Lord now But he wrote a book called the heart of anger Heart of anger. So we found those two books shepherding a child's heart and the heart of anger to be helpful to us 20 whatever many years ago.

It was as her children grow. It should be our desire to see them mature

Hmm from a mere and raw obedience To a spirit -led life in which they do what they do out of a love for Christ and a desire for his glory

That's what we want for ourselves. Isn't that what we want for our children? And so we have to make the investment and like any worthwhile investment

There is a sowing season and then a harvest and sometimes there's a lengthy period of time between the sowing and the harvest and that's when we weed and water and That's what raising children is all about Let's pray my father it is a sobering reality that sons and daughters of Adam with feet of clay are called

Commanded and empowered To make disciples of the next generation.

Oh Lord. It is a it is a sobering reality And then the thick of it it can be often very discouraging

Hard to see are we making any progress here? It's an act of faith on our part to do these things and trust you

But father what a blessing it is when we begin to see the fruit in our lives as we grow in godliness and in the lives of our children as John says there is no greater joy than in hearing your children walk in faith and that is so true

May you help us to? Pursue it with a passion We pray for the glory of Christ and his church.