Does a Marriage Require Consummation to Be Valid?

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Alright Tim, the question for today's episode is, does a marriage require consummation to be valid?

Yeah, I mean, pretty much. Tim, this is what

I love about you. You take the questions that most people would feel like need long -winded explanations, and you give the shortest answer possible.

And, you know, I think this is probably one of those questions where most people are going to disagree with you, and they're going to be pretty upset that you disagree with them, and they're going to respond in an emotional way.

So, why don't we talk first about why people might be so upset over your response, and then move into talking about why your response is actually yes.

See, so I asked this question online in a way that was trying to provoke people's, you know, mama bear impulses.

I was setting them up to fail, essentially, when I asked it. So, I asked it in this way.

I mean, I basically said, does God consider reunions where physical disability prevents consummation as valid marriages?

So, I was trying to tug on their, like, protect the disabled people kind of sensibilities when

I asked it, to basically say, you know, if there is a disabled person who is unable to consummate a union, does

God consider that a valid marriage? And I mean, 78 % said that God would consider that a valid marriage.

So, 78 % of them were wrong. I like that.

I like that. 78 % of you are wrong. I mean, they were totally wrong. They were, like, horribly wrong. Like, they were, like, laughably wrong.

Like, embarrassingly wrong on that. And I mean, it just goes to show that just because the majority think, like, are operating in an emotional way, that doesn't mean it's true.

But, no, I mean, so when you ask it that way, people definitely are triggered to think about things from an emotional perspective in general, because, like, we have these impulses in our society, particularly when you live in a victim society, these impulses seem to get exacerbated.

But we have these impulses to protect the victim, not to shame the victim, not to blame the victim. And so, whoever is put in these victim categories, then what you have to do is you have to make, like, special allowances for their situation, or else you're being, like, rude or, you know, hateful.

Basically, just, you're punching down, right? So any category that can be seen as a victim class, you're basically not allowed to state the obvious, okay?

And so the same thing, I mean, the same kind of game is happening as it relates to sodomites and things like that, sexual deviant categories, to where once you view them as a victim, then once they're put in that category, then you have to fundamentally redefine the nature of marriage in order for them to feel included, right?

So when you think about what marriage is, marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Like, God's designed it to be a union between a man and a woman, a lifelong union.

And fundamentally what it is, is it's a sexual union. That's what it is by definition. And so then when you think about something like sodomite marriage, that's, like, whatever's happening there, that's not sex, right?

That's just two dudes parodying sex, right?

Like, it's a parody. It's not, like, the real thing. And so once you view them as a victim, then at that point you have to fundamentally redefine the project.

That's what you have to do. Now, the same thing happens when we're, you know, as I'm talking about our disabled people.

Like, are those unions where two disabled people want to get married, but they're not able to consummate the marriage because of their disability?

Is that a marriage? I'm asking that question. And the reason why I'm asking it is not to pick on disabled people who are in that situation, which,

I mean, functionally, like, you know, what are we talking about? Like 0 .000001 % of marriages in the

United States or something like that? We're not talking about, like, some massive category of people, but people who are trained to respond in an emotional way.

But then the reason why I'm asking it, as I said, I'm not trying to pick on that kind of person, you know, that rare person, people who fit that category.

I'm trying to ask something fundamental about the nature of marriage itself, because you're living in a society right now that doesn't seem to know what marriage is anymore.

And so our impulses, as we're trying to answer these kind of questions, are not triggering in the right kind of way. So we've lost the sense of what marriage is, and now we basically view marriage as this optional thing that, you know, people might do if they want to, right?

Right. But then there's people in different camps that are basically pushing against the necessity of marriage in general.

So, I mean, you have all the, you know, the red -pilled, manosphere types who are basically saying, hey, man's going to get short end of the stick on this one, so don't even step into this project, right?

It's just a doomed enterprise to begin with. Like, who needs marriage anymore? Like, protect yourself, don't get married, just, you know, have an informal commitment you make to someone that's not governed under marriage or whatever.

So you have attacks on marriage that way, you have attacks on marriage on the left, which are basically just saying, hey, it's outdated, it can be whatever we want it to be.

It's, like, ever -expanding to include anyone and everyone. I mean, it can include, like, a woman and her puppy, if you want it to include that.

Right, a guy and his car. A guy and his car. I mean, it's meaningless, right? So you have attacks, like, trying to redefine it, basically say, hey, it's worthless, or say, hey, it's a liability, or whatever else.

But we've basically lost the sense of what it actually is at that point. And so what's happening is people are offended at this notion because they don't know what it is anymore.

And then they're trying to, and then particularly, like, if you're trying to come up with some scenario where the fundamental nature of marriage is prevented in certain ways, they're going to respond through the lens of trying to protect and shelter people who are vulnerable.

And in the case of someone with a disability, I mean, unless it was self -inflicted or something like that, I mean, they are legitimately victims of something, right?

So in that kind of case, basically, they're just predisposed to recoil.

I mean, basically, we've just lost the meaning of marriage. We don't even know what it is anymore. Petey So why then is your answer to that title question, does a marriage require consummation to be valid?

Why is your answer, yes, it does require consummation? Jared Well, I mean, that was the answer. So it may sound like I'm saying something shocking here, but that was the answer of most

Christians throughout church history because they understood, I mean, most believers throughout history, like, you know, if you take like 6 ,000 years of human history, everyone agrees with me.

I mean, the vast majority of people alive who've ever existed agree with me. Like, I'm not saying anything shocking here.

Petey In other words, you're not the one on the wrong side of history here, right? Jared Oh, no, no, no.

I mean, literally everyone agrees with me. God agrees with me. Heaven agrees with me. The Bible agrees with me.

I mean, I'm right, like on this, you know, pat myself on the back. No, I mean, the issue is, like, this is not like a complicated subject.

Pete You're right on this subject because God has revealed His wisdom to us through His word, right?

Jared That's right. I mean, this is not rocket science, you know? This is what everyone has understood throughout the history of the world.

So, I mean, when you think about what marriage is, God gives a definition of marriage in the Bible, right? So it's not good for men to be alone, right?

So God's going to make a helper fit for him. And then, you know, Genesis 2, 24 says,

For this reason, man will leave his father and mother. So man will leave father and mother. He'll hold fast to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, right?

And then Jesus, when He's commenting on marriage in the New Testament, He points to that passage because that's the foundation of marriage.

The foundation of marriage is man leaving father and mother, holding fast to his wife, two becoming one. So Jesus comments on that, and He says,

What, therefore, God has joined together, let no man separate. Because in the beginning,

He made them male and female, right? And then He goes into that quote.

And so, like, the issue is, like, you think about what was just said there. For this reason, man will leave father and mother, hold fast to his wife, two will become one.

What does that mean? Okay? Like, what does that mean about the nature of what marriage is?

That's, like, it's obviously, like, a physical, anatomical picture of what marriage is.

Like, two become one flesh. Like, you know, I shouldn't have to explain what that means to an entire generation of people.

Like, to the 80 % of the people who don't even know what marriage means anymore. What do you think two become one means?

Okay? It's not, wait, you mean it's not just join your bank accounts together?

That's not what it means. Okay? And so, and that's why, as you read through the Bible, what you're going to see is that, you know, they go, you basically have

Abraham and Sarah sending off for a wife. Sarah, at that point, had basically died.

And so Abraham's sending off a wife for his son Isaac. They find, the servant finds Rebecca. Rebecca comes home.

What happens? Like, how do they make that a marriage? Well, Isaac and Rebecca go into the tent, consummate the union, and then

Genesis tells us that, you know, therefore Isaac was comforted after the death of his mother, right?

So she went into the tent. She became his wife. That's the way it works. You know, because why? Because, therefore, man shall leave his father, mother, hold fast to his wife.

Two will become one flesh. That's what marriage is. Like, that's the thing that distinguishes marriage from just an opposite -sex, bestie -friendship kind of thing.

I mean, that's what we're talking about. So, like, you're not really talking about something that's fundamentally complicated. So God basically creates men and women.

He says it's not good for man to be alone. He tells them to be fruitful and multiply, and then he tells them the only way you're going to be able to be fruitful and multiply is in the context of marriage.

And so what marriage is is, you know, man and woman come together in the context of marriage in order to produce offspring.

That's what marriage is. Like, it's just one of the most obvious biological realities in the world. It's one of the most obvious biblical realities in the world.

That's what it is, okay? And so, like... And, I mean, you know, like, there's a certain kind of bonding that happens there that doesn't happen anywhere else, right?

Right! I mean, yeah. I mean, I guess we could go into great detail about why that actually is the case, but,

I mean, like, God obviously has designed, you know, sexual intercourse to be something that obviously does bond two people to each other, and that's why it's described as a unique category of sin, meaning, like, it's a category of sin that is a sin against the body itself, like you're joining yourself to a prostitute, like that in the language of 1

Corinthians. But, I mean, this is just an overwhelming, obvious category. So when Jesus is actually talking about divorce being a permanent thing, the disciples look at Him and say,

Hey, isn't it better not to get married, right? So their instantaneous reaction is to say, Hey, if it's that permanent, if you can't just divorce a woman for burning the toast or whatever, if that's not allowed.

Petey Laugh A totally normal, reasonable response to burnt toast, of course, yeah.

Jared That's right. So there's a, I guess it's better not to marry than, and He looks at them and He says, Hey, that's only, like, not everyone can receive that saying, but only to those who it's been given, okay?

And so then He goes on to say, Hey, there's, yeah, so who has it been given that it's better not to marry, right?

Like, who are the ones who are able to receive that? And He goes on to list, like, these categories of, like, physical disability, right?

So He says, for, you know, there's been eunuchs who were made eunuchs from birth, right?

Pete Yeah. Jared So He says, like, so He's telling them who is able to receive this, who has been given, like, who is this not made for, right?

Who is marriage not made for? The eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by birth. Well, why? Why would they be made, not made for marriage?

Well, because they don't have the ability to do the fundamental thing that makes marriage marriage.

I mean, can you imagine how selfish it is to be a dude who's a eunuch, and he forces some girl to marry him and, like, deny all of her desires, like the

Bible says, a barren womb is never satisfied. So you're forcing a woman to be permanently covenantally attached to you in this thing you're calling marriage.

You're forcing her to do that and basically taking away any ability she ever has to have kids of her own in that way.

And you're denying, like, this fundamental thing that makes marriage marriage, right? So He says eunuchs, like, who can receive the saying it's better not to marry?

Eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by birth. There's been eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, right? So both of those categories, you have eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by birth, eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men.

Marriage is not for them because they can't, two become one, can't happen, man. It's not the way it works.

So, like, whatever you're doing in that kind of situation, like, if you're those kind of people, is you're just being an opposite -sex roommate, you know?

You're just a friend. Like, that's all you are. You're not husband and wife. And everyone throughout church history has known that.

I mean, this is not a controversial thing. So this is just something that's just very obvious right on the pages of Scripture.

Jesus addresses it very directly. And people need to do a little more reading on this one.

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