Book of Ephesians - Ch. 5, Vs. 25-33 (09/02/2001)

The Husband as Head and the Church as Christ’s Body

Ephesians chapter 5, and since we sat for the singing, we'll stand during the entire message. Well, that's the way the Jews did it, wasn't it? They stood all day and heard the Word preached, and then they started weeping.

Their feet were hurting. Ephesians chapter 5, and I believe we finished verse 22, didn't we? Let's see. Where's, oh, I've got down to verse 24. We finished 24, right? That's where I put my little mark.

Okay. Well, as Brother Otis mentioned when he taught verse 22, the submit, the wives submit to the husband part, he said that's a lot easier to do if you if you have verse 25 operating. So verse 25 is what we're covering today.

So let's pray together. Father, thank you so much for our time together today. And Lord, we know that when we come together, we're encouraged by our mutual faith and we thank you for the fellowship time and the food and the sweet spirit that's among this church body as we spend time together.

And Lord, now we come back to a time where we want to break the the true bread together and fill our hearts with your glory and also teach us what we must learn today. We ask it in Jesus name. Amen. Let's look at verse, we got to start with verse 23, really.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands and everything.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. Now, it almost seems like here as we read through the next few verses that we're going to change the metaphor. But I contend that we really don't.

And let's read through it and I'll show you what I mean. Verse 26, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it this bride to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. Now, there's where the metaphor seems to change. But it's really not. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord did the church.

So we see here that the Lord loved the church as his own body, as his own self. He loved the church and cared for it as much as he did his own person. And so this is simply instructing the husbands to love their wives in this fashion, just as Christ did the church.

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. And it's kind of like the marriage in the physical sense pictures the unity of becoming one flesh. This is speaking of the unity that we have with the Savior being his bride.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall join unto his wife and the two shall be one flesh. And I'm going to go back and we're going to discuss verse 25, but I wanted to cover this so we can finish.

We'll actually cover this chapter. I want to focus on verse 25, but let's mention this because this is an often, it's not really a misused verse, but it's a partially used verse. And the part of the verse that people like to use is the part, the last part, where it says, and the two shall be joined unto his wife and the twain shall be one flesh.

And people like to talk about that, preach about it, teach about it. And when young people are thinking about getting married, that's the important part. But we sometimes don't realize that all of the Bible is important.

And God put the first part of the verse in and it's very, very important in creating a blissful young marriage of a young couple. So you young people that are contemplating marriage someday, think about this part.

It says, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother. Now, that's not easy for the father and the mother. And we have not experienced this yet, but we have experienced taking the older daughter to college last year and then again last week, and it is terrible.

It's an awful thing. It's like a severance almost, although she calls every day and wants to talk to mom and dad and sister and baby brothers and big brother and everybody, but it is still something to get used to.

And so just a few days ago, I did perform the wedding of one of the sons of some friends of ours. In fact, these people were our first Sunday school teachers when Charlotte and I first got saved. They had a young couples class, Frank and Patty Ford, and they were our teachers when we first got saved and became, they, disciples became friends and we were very close friends and still are through the years, even though they moved to Arlington.

But one of their little boys that we babysat when he was this big and and just loved it. In fact, it made us want to have children. These boys were so neat to babysit and I did the wedding. So I got to watch.

This was their first one to be married out of their siblings and got to kind of be a part of it and watch and see how they reacted and so forth and just made me think forward to this time. But it's difficult for the parents to realize that there is a cutting of the apron strings and there must be.

Many marriages have problems the first couple of years because the parents of one of the two interfere with the marriage and that cannot be. It's just a disastrous thing. In fact, it is a breaking of God's Word when that happens because just as important as the union is where it talks about the joining and the two becoming one flesh is this severance that takes place where it says the man will leave the father and the mother.

Now, it doesn't mean, Paul, that you have to go 10 ,000 miles, though. No, it probably, it just simply means that the young man needs to be able to get away from the dad so that he can become a man and not under the complete shadow.

Now, I remember when Charlotte and I were married, I think we stayed in Waco for a couple, two years and and then we moved to Mahea and then my grandparents both passed away within a month of each other and so we moved out to the place and we've lived within walking distance of my parents since that time.

But they've been remarkable in that they've never won. Charlotte and I were talking about this the other day because we were doing this wedding with this young couple and just talking about things like this and she said, you know, there's never been one time in 25 years of marriage where they've ever interfered with anything in our life.

And that's true, but that's unusual. But the thing is the first two years of our marriage, we didn't live right next to them either. And so young people, you need to remind your parents of that. When you get married, you need to cut those apron strings and that is a something that God said to do.

It's not easy for the parents. It's really tough, but it needs to be done. Okay, it doesn't mean that you don't still honor your mother and father. However, it just means you don't live in the same house necessarily for a while.

Marriage as a Picture of Christ and the Church

Okay now verse 32 kind of concludes this whole passage. It says this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence the husband.

So he concludes by bringing the two together. Now marriage to me is one of the greatest types ever given in the whole Bible. And you think about the types in the Old Testament, so many of them that are fulfilled in the New Testament.

I can think of a couple of places in the Old Testament where God got absolutely wrathful because someone destroyed a type. For example, Moses was told to smite the rock the first time and it gave forth water for the children of Israel.

And later they went on about their way and they came to another time when they needed water again. And God very clearly told Moses to speak to the rock. And what did Moses do? He was upset. I don't remember exactly what he was upset about.

Probably the people were griping and complaining again and he went out and in anger what did he do? Smote the rock, didn't he? And you know that God told him, you know, I told you not to do that and you did it.

So you'll never see the promised land. Isn't that sad to think about that? He was the great leader. He never set foot in it. Why is that so? Well because he broke a type. The type was supposed to show that Jesus Christ is smitten once and only once for the sins of his people and that after you're saved when you sin again, you don't have to go back and re-crucify him.

Hebrews chapter 6 talks about that and says it's blasphemous to think that. We have some people in different denominations that teach that you can lose your salvation and then get re-saved again. Well in order for that to happen, you'd have to re-crucify.

You'd have to smite the rock again, which is not to be so. What the Bible does teach is we are to 1st John 1 9, which means to speak to the rock, confess our sins, he's faithful and just, forgive us and he cleanses from all unrighteousness.

And that's what Moses was supposed to picture and he blew it. And he was punished for it. There is the sowing and reaping concept in the world and it took part there as well. Now you think about this, I try to instruct young people this way.

If I'm going to be the one that does the service, then they need to go through a little bit of counseling and answer some questions and go through some Bible studies that I've prepared for this. And one of the things that I try to teach them is that their marriage is a type.

It is, it is the most beautiful picture of how salvation works that God ever put in the Word of God. And he uses the physical union of the marriage and the unity and the oneness that is supposed to be there to teach the spiritual unity of a born-again child of God between his spirit and the Holy Spirit within us.

So there is a union that takes place and this is what is meant by spirit-filled is that your spirit and his spirit become one, one spirit. There is such a union that it's like there's one spirit and a marriage is a picture of this relationship.

And that's why you see at the end of this passage in 32, this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church, but now he comes back and he teaches about physical marriage and he's using the two to picture one another.

And so the physical marriage between man and woman on this earth is designed by God to be a beautiful type or a picture of the relationship that the church has with Jesus Christ, the bridegroom. So let's be careful not to break that type, young people.

It's very important that we not break that type. Now, let's go back to verse 25. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. Part of the definition for this kind of love is the word gave, gave himself for it.

And then as it goes on down through the passage and it talks about that you love the wife as you love your own body or you could say your own self, you realize that when the two become one, then it is one body in a sense just like Christ and the church are one.

And so he loves us just like he loves his own person and we're to love the wives in that same way. Now I can find no greater definition for this kind of love than first Corinthians chapter 13. So let's go there and we'll, what I want you to do as we look at this love, gentlemen, rather than focusing on the wife reverencing us, and on the wife obeying and submitting to us, let's focus on what we're supposed to do first.

The Meaning of Agape Love in Marriage

God has made woman where she is the responder and that's why the church is the responder. You don't go out seeking Christ. You see these bumper stickers that I found Christ. You weren't even looking for him.

He was the groom. We are the bride. We did not even notice him. He noticed us from eons ago and he put his eye upon us and he said, you're mine. And then when you were born into this world and you got to the place where you could understand things, he began to pursue you.

And he began to woo you to himself and to show you in a million ways his love. Just like the young man brings the flowers to the young ladies and the candy later on as he gets a better job, the diamonds and the jewel that God made and put in the earth.

Only reason those things are there, ladies and gentlemen, is so that we men can have something to give to our brides. Unless you want to put them on the end of a drill bit and drill for oil. That's about the only other thing they're good for.

So God has pictured this through and through and through and as he began to pursue you and to woo you to himself, there came a day where you saw that love so strong for you that you responded and loved him back and that was the day of your earthly salvation.

And so he gave you the capacity to love him. You did not have it to start with. And the young men, when they're pursuing the one that they've selected and said, this has to be the one, there's a similar thing going on.

There is a wooing and a pursuing and a gift-giving and a loving from a heart, from the heart that goes on. It's pictures, this relationship. So let's look and see what kind of love this is that the husband must have for the wife long before we ever look at her response of love and reverence and submission, which is a response, by the way.

It is also an obedience to the Word of God. I'm not saying it's not, but I'm just saying the way the nature of it is, it happens in real life as God designed this world and the way things work as a response.

And it's a response to this kind of godly love that the man is supposed to have for the wife. Now, let's look at it in chapter 13. What I want us to do, gentlemen, is to, as we begin to look at these, starting with verse 4, everywhere you see the word charity, that's agape, so that's love.

Instead of reading it like it's written, charity suffereth long. I want you to read every one of these this way. If I love my wife like Christ loved the church, then my love for her suffers long. Okay, that's how we're gonna read every one of these.

It takes a little longer to read it that way, but this is the way it is because the Lord, as he wrote this, he personified love. He acted as if love is a living being that is doing these things to the object of its love.

Are you with me? So, for the husband, the object of this love is your wife. And so, this is personified and this is what true love will do to the wife, gentlemen, if you have it. And if you don't have this and you don't display this, don't expect submission, don't expect referencing, don't expect anything.

Don't expect anything at all from the wife other than what she would do as unto the Lord just out of obedience, but that's not really what you want in your marriage, is it? You want her to have times with you just out of obedience or out of warm affection.

So, let's look at this. Love suffereth long. If I love my wife like Christ loved the church, then I am patient and not just patient, but long patient. I have long lasting patience with her. If she does have little things that get on my nerves, I'm not even aware of them.

I'm patient. If Satan tries to come and put in my mind something that she's doing that's irritating, I cast it out of my mind immediately. And I say, Lord, that's not from you, it's not from me. So where'd it come from?

I reject it. Lord, give me the mind of Christ. Let me think like Jesus would think right now and it'll go. So that's part of what love is. Love is patient so that anything that the wife would do does not irritate you.

Cannot. Because you don't love her because of what she does or doesn't do. This is a God type of love. That love has nothing to do with the object of the love. It has to do with the one who's the lover.

And the great title to this part of this chapter in Ephesians is the man, the husband, is the lover. The lover. So it's not so important the object of the love as it is the lover and that's the man's role.

So next it goes and it says if I love my wife like Christ loved the church, I am kind to her. Now the Greek word for kind means, carries the connotation of I do whatever it takes to help her. To help her, to build her.

That's what kindness really is. So it doesn't always, kindness is not always in a little sweet voice to be a man pleaser type thing. It's to be a helper, a genuine helper of the person. But it does carry the connotation even in the meaning of the word that it does have a tone of kindness and not a tone of rebuke.

Now it took me a long number of years since Charlotte and I were childhood sweethearts. She was 14 when we met. So I raised her. And we carried that into the marriage and there came a day, and I don't know how old she was when this day came and she said I don't need a daddy.

I just need a husband. And I said, hmm, what does that mean? And I contemplated that for days and hours out in my car alone out on the couch by myself. No, I'm kidding. I don't need a daddy. I got one of those.

I need a husband. What does that mean? Does that mean maybe she's learned how to live in the world now? And I can even remember times when we'd be crossing the street and I'd say, stop! Right there, car coming.

She'd look at me like, you know, I saw the car. It wasn't that she didn't like me being a gentleman. She just didn't need a daddy. Now that was last week and I have turned aside because I got into this scripture as I studied and the Lord burdened my heart.

And so Charlotte, I'm not gonna be your daddy anymore. So there's a tendency in marriages, you young ladies listen to me now, if you do marry a young man that you meet when you're fairly young so that the two of you maybe even if you get married at a young age, there will be a tendency for your husband to do that.

It really means he loves you, Charlotte. It's really what it meant back in those days. But it can be somewhat irritating and this passage doesn't say that the woman has to be patient with the man. So kindness is important now.

So here's what I'm saying. A lot of times the tone that the man will use with the wife is like it. Well, I'm really getting all over myself. It's like a teaching tone. Look at you. Amen. Yes. Don't you wish, don't you see, you wish I was sitting by you so I could go amen, but I wouldn't.

Okay, amen. It needs to be in kindness, a kind tone. Oh my goodness. All right, next. Let's move on. What do you say gentlemen? It ain't getting any better though. Okay. If I love my wife like Christ loved the church, then I don't envy her.

Have you ever had a situation where the woman was the bigger breadwinner in the family? Do you know that some men can't handle that? Their pride will not let them handle that. You know why? They envy that.

But in a healthy marriage, the man will do the smart thing. He'll say, let me help you. How can I help you? You know, but I don't know why I picked that example. There are a thousand examples where the wife can meet success and if the man loves her like Christ loved the church, he's happy.

He's happy that she meets that success. Now I'll have to say that this particular definition for love has its place in the marriage, but it also probably has a far better place in the church among brothers and sisters as we look at one another.

Not to envy, because it's seldom that in the marriage that you envy the spouse. Would you agree with that? I mean, this one's kind of easy. I'm getting by pretty good on this one. I don't think I've ever envied Charlotte, except for her.

Wait a minute. I did think of some things. She has a great immune system and never gets sick. I envy that. But you know what I'm saying? So this is not the best fit in the marriage, but it is true and it should be there.

And I'm sure there are situations in marriages where there is envy and it's not to be allowed. And it's the man's responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen. He is the lover. And if he loves her like Christ loved the church, he does not envy what the Lord brings to her in her life.

And the next one, if the man loves the wife like Christ loved the church, he is not prideful and puffed up. And he doesn't bought himself as if he is the little rooster in the old family hen house. That's an attitude thing.

The man does not have to go around announcing that he's the leader of the household very often. There are times when he will have to announce that. Gentlemen, if it seems to be unclear, sometimes. But the attitude should be one of love, not one of vaunting, saying, uh-huh, I get to be the leader.

You don't get to because God made me the leader. You're the server. You know, it's not that attitude. Not if you love her. Puffed up falls into the same category as vaunting not the self. Puffed up in pride.

I am the man. I am the all-wise one of how the things of the world to go and you will listen. That'll only last so long, gentlemen, and most of you already know that, but some of you younger guys, that attitude only lasts so long and God will have straightened that out in the marriage.

Verse 5, if you love your wife like Christ loved the church, you don't behave yourself unseemly towards the wife. Have you ever been in a situation where you saw a man tell a joke and the wife was the butt of the joke?

Don't you feel very uncomfortable when they do that because you're saying, you blew it, fella. You just messed up. And oh boy, that's a bad thing to see. That's just one example, but if you love the wife, that is a no-no.

You just don't do that. When we teach these things in the marriage counseling, of course, it goes both ways. The wife should never do that to the husband either, but specifically this is talking to the husband.

Nothing that's unseemly or that's not beautiful and clean and righteous. If you love her, then that's what you'll bring. It's the clean, righteous, beautiful things. Okay, what about the next one? Husbands, if you love the wife like Christ loved the church, then you don't seek your own things.

You don't seek your own things. You're not selfish. Now what's interesting about it is that as God made things to be from the very beginning when he said that the role of the wife, as we discussed in Ephesians last week, is to submit and to reverence the husband.

And you go all the way back to Genesis. It says she is created as the help-meet, which implies very clearly that though she has gifts and God makes her fit to do certain services and ministries, that her main ministry is to help the husband to meet his ministry the most successfully that he can.

She is the help-meet. She is the helper of his ministry. That's a huge part of the life of the wife. And that never ends. It's always a part or the larger part of your role. You also have other things and gifts and duties and ministries that God will put within that realm.

If you don't believe that, then read the Proverbs 31, woman, in the last chapter of Proverbs, and you'll see all the things that she was able to do. But the predominantly underlying all of that is she is doing it to create the situation in the home that is right, so that everything works right.

As the husband is the breadwinner and goes out into the world, as the Bible language puts it, he goes out and he comes in and he goes out and he comes in. When he comes in, the home is right. It's managed well.

It's in proper order and in good shape and so forth. So in that in that respect, this is what God would teach the ladies. But it's interesting as God comes back to teach the men, he doesn't teach it to the men that way.

What he teaches the men is he says, don't put your own things first. Isn't that interesting? Now, what if Jesus had put in the, if he had the ability to have his fleshly desires come before his own apostles and disciples and in all of us as he could see the future and see us and all that.

What if he just put his own fleshly desires, had he had any, first? That would not be the Christ that we know, would it? He did not demonstrate his love in that fashion because that would defy the very definition of love as God has given it.

Because the definition of love says if I love the church, I, Jesus Christ, will not seek my own life. I will give my life. So as we think of this gentleman in our own lives, even though it's true that she's the help meat, we don't think of it as if our selfish needs and desires and goals in life are the only thing and that she shouldn't have some of her own.

It balances that. Do you see? All of this, all of this balances the submission aspect that was taught. Earlier in Ephesians. Okay. What about the next one? If I love my wife like Christ loved the church, I will not be easily provoked.

Have y 'all noticed that in a lot of marriages and even, maybe I would notice this more being a being a pastor and counseling and dealing with pre, you know, marriage counseling, even with young people that aren't married yet, just in their date life, that they argue a lot.

Have y 'all ever had friends that did that or I know none of you've done it, but I mean, have you had friends? Now, that's okay to argue as long as you don't let the sun set on your anger. So you have to kiss and make up and that's the fun part.

So you do that before the sun goes down. It's okay. But I'm talking about where it's just like the predominant relationship is to disagree. Not supposed to be that way. And gentlemen, guess whose responsibility it is to make sure it's not.

As you know, it takes two to tango. It's not a good thing to say in a Baptist church. Let me rephrase that. It takes two to fight. It takes two, not just one. So if the man understands that if he loves her like Christ loved the church, she cannot provoke him.

At least not easily, it says. Maybe it leaves room there for us as men. Christ was not provoked by his own. He was provoked by the Pharisees, Satan's seed, and so forth, but not by his own. And we are not supposed to be provoked by the wife.

She's not supposed to be able to bring us easily to anger. Why? Is that a reflection on her or on us? Remember, love has not to do with the object, but the lover. And you as the men are the lovers. Your example is Christ, and the love you have in your heart, he put there, and it's his love.

Just like our faith is his faith, I believe. Our love is his love as well. However, you can tell when you get in the flesh if you're easily provoked. It's fairly easy as a man in a marriage to know if you're walking in the spirit of the flesh.

It's real easy for the wife to know if you are because if she can provoke you, you're in the flesh. Because in the spirit you will have the love of Christ for your wife, and it is not easily provoked.

And then look at the next one. If I love my wife like Christ loved the church, I don't think evil of her. Satan can put a thought in my mind, but it won't stay there because I'll reject it and ask the Lord to remove it, and I'll see it for what it is.

The Bible says to test the spirits. I will see that it did not come from me. It did not come from the Lord, and therefore I reject it and ask the Lord to let me think like Jesus thinks towards my wife.

Give me the mind of Christ, and I reject this thought, and it'll be gone immediately. But now if a man is in the flesh, he's not walking with the Lord. He does not have the love of God for his wife. Then Satan can put thoughts in his mind about her inadequacies, her weaknesses, and he will think about them.

He'll roll them over in his mind. It'll go on for days. It'll turn to bitterness. And 60 they say of the marriages today and then divorce. How does that happen? Well, there's the division that's created.

Who is the one who brings division in churches and families and husband-wife relations among siblings? Satan is the great divider. Even Jesus told on him when he said, you know, he wants to divide and conquer.

So, if you have the love of Christ for your wife, you don't allow evil thoughts in your mind towards her. And by that, a better English word today would be like just negative thoughts. Because you're not thinking, we think of evil, we're thinking about you got a hatchet or something.

That's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about just negative thoughts, the little things. The little things. Thinking negative. That's not of God and it's not from God and it's not the love of God.

Okay? Now, the next one, if I love Charlotte like Jesus loved the church, then I will not rejoice in iniquity. If she has sin in her life, I won't be happy about that. So gentlemen, that to me would be an exhortation that it's part of our responsibility as the husbands to watch over our wives in this world, as Ephesians chapter 6 says, to watch always in prayer.

Because Satan roams to and fro seeking whom he may devour. And let me ask you gentlemen this, in the Garden of Eden, who did he choose? Why? Why didn't he choose Adam? We not, well, let's don't use the word weaker, brother.

I certainly won't use that as the preacher of the ladies and the men, the pastor. But I know what you mean. You, what you meant is, let me help you out here, brother. Here's what he meant, Marianne. I know, I know, I know he did not mean weaker.

Okay, did you mean weaker? All right, that's what I thought you meant. That's why you ain't a pastor too. Okay. Built different, how about that? She has a tendency to think with her heart, and the man was not deceived.

He sinned willfully. All right, so we're supposed to watch over the wives. We don't rejoice when sin enters in. Now, if I love my wife like Jesus loved the church, I do rejoice in the truth. If I love my wife like Jesus loved the church, I can bear all things, I can believe all things, I can hope all things, which requires some discussion, and I can endure all things, and that love never goes away.

No matter what she does. She cannot affect that love. Her actions, her deeds, her misdeeds do not change that love if it's from God. Now, gentlemen, that kind of love will elicit a response from the wife of reverence, a response of submission, and a response of love.

So, what does it mean when it says it bears all things? That's kind of clear. There's not anything she can do that you can't bear up under if you love her. All right. It believes all things. If she tells you that this is the way my heart is, then you believe it.

Because to doubt it might be to believe some demon that's putting a thought in your mind that's not even real. So, if you have love for her, then you believe her when she looks you in the eyes and says this is the truth.

If you hope all things, if this love for her causes you to hope all things, remember the word hope doesn't mean like it does today in English. It doesn't mean, well, I hope it will, but it probably won't.

That's kind of what the word means now. What it means is a joyful expectation of a certain fact that's going to take place. And so, when you, if you love your wife, you hope all things. It just implies that you know that all things are going to work out well.

In the marriage and with the wife and that you have trust and you honor her and you have a joyful expectation of her growth in the Lord and so forth. And when it says endureth all things, that's clear.

This kind of love holds up under any stress the wife can put on you, gentlemen. If she's going through some time for whatever reason, she may even be in the flesh and be carnal as the devil and you can bear up under it.

In fact, that very love that you have of enduring and bearing up under it is what will cause her to come back both to the Lord and to you. Love never fails. Never can stop if it was ever real in the first place.

Isn't that amazing? So, young people, you might think about this when you start trying to figure out which one's the right one. Have you ever asked your parents, how do I know when it's the right one?

And you know what their answer always is, you'll know. Does that sound like an answer? Not really, but that's the answer. But I'll tell you one way you can think of it, young people, is say to yourself, is this a person that I can never imagine myself ever being away from again?

Or I'll love them so much that my love will never fail for them, no matter what happens in life. That's a good question to ask. If the answer is no, then it doesn't matter how much affection you seem to have or how much you like them, they're not the one to marry.

Okay? So that's what I think the Bible teaches about this kind of love that the man is supposed to have for the wife. And it's something that's impossible to do in the flesh, by the way. Not in a lasting way.