Godly Discipline

Godly Discipline and the Need to Hear Scripture on Parenting

All right, good to see now. Do you all have the notes? The notes have a little circle at the bottom or an Oval if you don't have an oval you got the wrong notes. They're the ones that are sitting on the chair right there as you walk in and you almost trip over it.

There's where you'll find the notes. Yeah. All right. Well, let's get started. Let me pray and then we'll dive in. Okay. Thanks father for Just the opportunity you've given us to gather together freely to learn together.

We were thankful that your word Is sufficient. We're thankful that your word tells us through example and precept How we ought to raise our kids and so now I pray that you would give us enlightened minds That will accept what your word says.

Father part of the battle is that we don't believe your word is enough. So help us here To believe that the Bible does tell us how we ought to do these things and we'll thank you in Jesus name. Amen. I can remember as a dad when I had to get the paddle out.

And I'd walk toward my boy with the paddle and he'd look at me and he'd say Dad, what's that as if he'd never seen anything like a paddle in my hand before or worse? You're walking up to your daughter and she looks at you with those great big blue eyes.

You can see the tears welling up in her eyes and she says to you daddy. I Love you. You know that that's hard. But you know, you got to do what you have to do, but then maybe there's some here tonight or Some of you who are listening or watching this right now.

That the idea of actually using physical punishment with your children is an incredibly repulsive idea to you as if that's the last thing you want to do that the thought of spanking a child and if that is your attitude then you need to hear what the scriptures say tonight because they give us a great deal of instruction when it comes to the use of Physical or corporal punishment and I'd plead with you to hear this out.

Because you may be surprised at what the Bible actually says too often. What people hear is a caricature of scripture and not what scripture actually says. So one of the first truths you need to hear is that the rod is not The only means of raising your children.

Okay. Now, what do I mean by that? Well, let's look at Ephesians 6 4.

Okay.

Fathers, Discipline, and Instruction in the Lord

Ephesians 6 4 this has been our foundational verse as we've Looked at what it means to raise our children and it says fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and Instruction of the Lord now.

Note the basic plan that God gives us number one. He lays the burden on the fathers not on moms, although they're part of it the burden falls on dad. It says don't raise them in such a way that they become angry people either explosive anger or this perpetual resentment quiet kind of anger and then you're to bring them up how in the discipline and Instruction of the Lord now.

The first thing to note is that discipline or spanking is not the only means God gives us for raising Our children it has to be connected with teaching with communication. It doesn't stand alone. All right.

Now this is not an appeal tonight for parents to become strict disciplinarians. But rather this is an appeal that you do not ignore. One of the means that God has given for raising our children now. I grew up in the 60s in the 70s the 60s was the revolution of which we're bearing the fruits now, but it was a very anti authoritarian anti-authority kind of a.

Culture.

It began this really anti-authority way of looking at life and One of the ways that the Christian community Responded to that was to just swing the pendulum Over to you're permissive with your child.

You've got to really spank the living daylights out of them and there's a tendency For Christians to not look at what the scripture says but to just react.

To.

The prevailing culture and and so I'm asking you to listen carefully to what the scriptures have to say about this important issue. Not that you're conformed to the culture, but neither are you reacting to it?

But looking at the Bible and developing a philosophy developing a means that God has given us in terms of using. Discipline. Now I believe that if you're going to discipline in the godly way you have to have some convictions in mind.

You have to be convinced of certain truths. And I want to give you some truths. I think you need to be convinced of if you are going to Obey God in the use of the rod. All right, the rod that is discipline.

Why God Commands the Rod and Respects Authority

You have to be convinced that God commands you to use the rod. God commands you to use the rod. Proverbs 19 18 says discipline your son for in that there is hope. Do not be a willing party to his death there.

It's commanded discipline your son for in that there is hope in Proverbs 23 13 do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish him with the rod. He will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.

The Bible here in Ephesians 6 4 actually Uses the word discipline which has the idea of painful training. Okay, and you have to use it whether or not the latest experts tell you to use it. Most of which will tell you not to you must use it whether you think it's necessary or not.

You must use it because God commands it and you believe that his ways are better than the ways that fallen human wisdom comes up with. So it's important to see right off that God commands the use of it.

This isn't something that that we you know. That somebody came up with God is the one who commands it. You have to be convinced that authority is good and.

Inappropriate.

Now again since the 60s our culture has an animosity towards authority, but God does not. In fact, it's almost part of our American DNA that you live to stick it to the man. You know the heroes are the ones that go against authority and.

We've imbibed that a great deal, but God loves authority and he hates rebellion and we need to keep that in mind. Second Kings chapter 2 23 and 24 you know what. That's a story of story of Elisha going into a city and a bunch of teenagers start Mocking him and calling saying to him go up you bald head just mocking him because of his lack of hair and.

So the scripture says that Elisha Cursed them in the name of the Lord. Put a curse on him. And out of the woods came two female bears that tore apart 42 of those teenagers that should give you some idea of what God thinks about mocking authority.

He says that rebellion against authority is rebellion against God. Proverbs 30 verse 17 listen to this proverb the eye that mocks a father. How do you mock your father with your eyes? How do you think that happens?

You roll your eyes. Listen to what this proverb says. The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother Will be picked out by the Ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures. All right, you know what.

This is a side light. I remember I.

I.

Remember preaching on Mother's Day and I used that proverb and there was a little boy and I remember his name. And I'm not gonna tell it to you. Not one of mine. There was a little boy sitting right there and when I Read that he just started doing this.

It was really funny. But I think he got the message that day. But it also tells you what God says. You mock your father with your eyes you don't listen to your mother your your your eyes should be pecked out.

That's what God says about obeying your parents. And so if you tolerate child rebellion you mock God's authority. You're mocking God's authority and you expose your children to God's judgment. Keep that in mind.

You expose your children to God's judgment. If you love them you will teach them to submit to Authority. If you love your children, you will teach them to submit to authority. You have to be convinced if you're going to discipline that authority is good and appropriate.

You have to be can as well. You know how we also know that is because the Trinity is an inherently authoritative in hierarchical. The Trinity is the original community and God created humanity to glorify the beauty of that transcendent community.

The members of the Trinity are equal in value. All three members of the Trinity are God not the Jesus and the Spirit are not any less God than God the Father and They relate to one another in an ordered hierarchy and they delight to have it this way.

Someone read for us 1st Corinthians chapter 11 verse 3. 1st Corinthians 11 verse 3. All right now. There's a hierarchy there the son submits to the father. We read in in John chapter 16 that the spirit submits to the to the father and the son.

There is a hierarchy. There is an authority that's inherent in the in the Trinity and God's authority is inherently good virtuous and beautiful. William Farley in His book gospel powered parenting says this one of the lessons of the Trinity is that God loves what we despise.

Namely God loves and embraces rightful authority submission relationships. He also he also wrote this listen to what he says here. I Recently witnessed this exchange. Mom asked her grade school aged daughter to help set the table.

Why should I set the table. The daughter answered resentfully? I'm tired of doing your work set the table yourself. None of my friends have to set the table. Why should I be different? Now he says how should love respond.

It would call this mother to discipline her child in love. Why the eternal and temporal consequences of this rebellion are deeply disturbing? Someday every knee will bow and every tongue confessed that Jesus Christ is Lord.

The day will come when we will go out and look on the dead bodies of the men who have rebelled against God for their Worms shall not die their fire shall not be quenched and they shall be abhorred in the abhorrence to all flesh.

Isaiah 66 24. It is impossible to believe this. Love your children and not discipline them. So it's important that We discipline them because they need to know that authority is good and appropriate and eternity is at stake.

Discipline, Life, and Love

You have to be convinced that discipline leads to a life. That is good Ephesians 6 1 through 3. When it talks about raising children, it says children obey your parents in the Lord for this is.

What?

This is this is right. And then he goes on to say and if you do what?

What's that?

You have a long life. All right, you'll have a long life. You'll have a good and a long life. Life will be good and it'll be longer For you. This discipline leads to life. That is good. Proverbs 1918 discipline your son for in that there is hope do not be a willing party to his death and again Proverbs 23 13 and 14 don't withhold discipline from a child if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.

Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. Isn't it. I Don't know about you when I read those Proverbs in our culture today. They sound incredibly radical. Right punish your son with the rod.

He will not die. Right, we live in a culture that says if you use your rod on a child, he'll certainly die. That's abuse. That's not what the Bible says. Discipline leads to life. That is good. Now I love what Ted Tripp says in his book shepherding a child's heart.

I think this is really good and that is the use of the rod then is a rescue mission if Discipline brings about if obedience to to parents comes about if you obey your parents and that comes about through discipline and That leads to a good and a long life.

Then that means that the use of the rod is a rescue mission. When our children are disobeying they're in danger and As Ted Ted Tripp says we want to we want to get them back into the circle of safety.

Right honor your parents obey your parents and you have a long and good life. The rod helps rescue the child from spiritual death because rebellion left unchallenged in the heart. Brings death and judgment.

All right. And so the use of the rod helps my child return to that circle of safety helps them to see it exposes their heart and It helps them to see that they need a Savior and Failure to obey dad or mom is a failure to obey God.

And so you want to get them back into that circle of safety honor. Honoring and obeying your parents is the safe place to be. You also have to be convinced that discipline is an expression of.

Love.

Discipline is an expression of love. Proverbs 13 24. He who spares the rod hates his son. But he who loves him is careful to discipline him in Hebrews chapter 12. The Hebrews are going through all kinds of difficulties and he says look.

Have you forgotten the word of encouragement that addresses you as sons and then he quotes from the Proverbs, right? The Lord disciplines those he loves quoting straight from the Proverbs Revelation chapter 3 verse 19.

Jesus says he whom I love I rebuke. I discipline. So the question is why don't you spank your child? Could it be that you don't want to upset him? You're afraid that if you spank him, he'll hate you. You're afraid that if you do spank a child that terrible things are gonna have who you thinking of you're thinking about you.

It's all about you. Discipline is an act of love because you don't want to be a willing party to the death of your child. It's an expression of love because the cross proclaims God's infinite passion for justice.

You ever think about the fact that that God crushed his own son? That that God crushed his own son for our sin, that's how that's how just God is and That anybody who is not in Christ is going to face the unadulterated justice of God in terms of his wrath.

The stakes are high when you think about it in that way. The stakes are high. The cross reveals that God hates sin and it provokes his wrath. So you can't be passive about your children's sin and then claim that you love them.

You know one of the reasons why we discipline is that they know Experientially God's hatred of sin. They get it. All right now I think the next one is real important. You have to really be convinced of this and that is the use of the rods and expression of faith.

This is one that this is a truth that deeply affected Beck and I in our Younger days as parents God has mandated the use of the rod and You obey not because you perfectly understand how it works, but because God's commanded it it is an expression of confidence in God's wisdom and the Excellence of his counsel.

Discipline is an expression of faith. You're believing God in what he says, even though you don't know how it works. You don't you you Hesitate it's an expression of faith in what God has said.

Wisdom, Correction, and the Fear of God

Okay.

Discipline imparts wisdom. Discipline imparts wisdom. Proverbs 29 15 the rod of correction imparts wisdom. But a child left to himself disgraces his mother the rod imparts wisdom. Now again. The way would the Proverbs talks talk about?

Okay, and the wisdom literature of the Old Testament. It's called wisdom literature because it's it's given in order to make us prudent and wise so that we can live good lives in a God-created world and Folly.

Foolishness is the opposite of wisdom and when you read the wisdom literature such as Proverbs. You see that it always says that folly leads to death wisdom leads to life. It's important to see that when you read in the Proverbs about foolishness.

It's not talking about silliness. It's talking about the fool the fool who tries to live life in a God-created world as if there's no God and That leads to death and to judgment. Children are not morally neutral, right?

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child that way of going your own way is bound up in the heart they're born with that a Child not submitting to parental authority is acting foolishly. Which means he's on the road to death?

The fool lives by his lusts and his wants he lives out of the immediacy of his cravings his Expectations his hopes his fears. He is driven by his wants and his passions and If that's not curved it leads to death and so we want to use the rod to impart wisdom and Wisdom is equated with the fear of God and it leads to life.

So spanking drives the foolishness from the from the heart and it imparts wisdom. Okay, it imparts wisdom now. It's really important for us to see. The rod will often in Most often will impart wisdom much better than a sound argument to a five or a six year old.

Okay, now one of my favorite stories is the story of a boy who grew up in this church and He grew up in the day when they would have Half-day kindergarten, so he went through kindergarten half day. Then he got to first grade the next year and it was for the whole day for the whole week.

He didn't care for that. And so one day he said to his teacher. I have to go to the bathroom and she said, okay. And so he over here where the school was.

He.

Left school and went home. He just walked out of the school and went home. This is in the days when they didn't lock doors. He just went home. Well, his mom just tried to convince him that that wasn't the right thing to do.

It was foolish to do that. The next day he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom and.

She said.

Okay.

And he went home and his mom tried to convince him through the best arguments. You can think of that that was a foolish thing to do. Don't do that. It didn't work his dad Dealt with him. Guess what? He got wise real fast.

He didn't leave school ever again.

Okay.

He didn't leave school ever again now. And and listen you see what the world proposes they said. Give them timeouts. That doesn't impart wisdom. The rod imparts wisdom. Children get wise.

Quickly.

When you use the rod you have to be convinced. That discipline should be corrective not Punitive. This is a key concept here. When we read how the Lord disciplines us it says he disciplines us so that we share in his holiness and that we become righteous and experience peace because of righteousness ruling.

So in other words when God disciplines us He's not doing it to get us. He's doing it to correct our path so that we go in a different direction. It is corrective. It's not punitive and so when you discipline your children it can never be.

I am fed up with this. You've made my life miserable now. I'm gonna make your life miserable. Okay, I'm gonna make you pay for the fact that you've just made my life inconvenient. That's not the attitude.

The attitude ought to be. You need to be going there. And I'm going to apply the rod so to correct your trajectory. So you end up going in the right direction. It can never be punitive and by the way Children can can figure out when it's punitive and when it's and when it's corrective.

When you just haul off an uncontrolled anger and just wail the living daylights out of them. They know the difference between that and correction. So it ought to be corrective. If it is punitive you're gonna reap some bad fruits from that.

Okay, so discipline is not punitive. It's corrective. You have to be convinced that discipline expresses the fear of God. Okay, the fear of God makes us willing to discipline. It makes us willing if I fear God I will discipline.

It motivates us to persist in discipline. The fear of God reminds us that failure to discipline has Consequences. Now when you open up the book of 1st Samuel you read the story of Eli and his two sons.

Eli had a habit of not correcting his sons and they were the ones that were in charge of the worship at the tabernacle and If you know the story, you know that his sons were stealing from the people when they brought their sacrifices.

They were stealing from them. They were literally having sexual relations with women at the tabernacle. That's how corrupt they were and it was because Eli never corrected them. Do you remember what happened?

Both those boys died that was God's consequences and.

Worse.

He removed Anyone from Eli's family from ever being in the priesthood ever again. Because Eli did not fear God like he should have and there were some horrible consequences. Again, Harvey in his book gospel-powered parenting, which I would suggest to you.

It's a great book once observed a mother who spanked her toddler because the girl looked at mom turned around and walked away and So he says to her that was impressive. What motivated you. And here's what here's what the young mom responded.

The fear of God. I Looked at the cross and saw God's verdict about my child's rebellion. To most this sin is a small thing. But I know God doesn't see it that way. My daughter's self-will caused Christ's crucifixion.

I thought of the price Jesus paid and then the price my precious daughter would pay if I did not teach her the Humility that produces obedience. So I spanked her. Now again, that's the mindset that we need.

You had.

It equips parents to overcome the fear of their children. Any parent who says he's not afraid of his children is either deluded or lying. We all all of us are afraid in some way. That we'll do something wrong.

We'll make them hate us. That will disappoint our children. Okay, the fear of God tells me I need to be a God fear and not a man fear. Right. I fear man and not God. I'd rather rather disappoint my children.

Then then disappoint God and so parents who lack that kind of confidence. Live in fear of their children and they don't bring discipline to bear. All right. Next question. When should you exercise discipline?

When should I do so? Well, when should I do it? Okay, and again. The answer really is not complicated it's whenever what they're doing their attitude or actions or the. The attitude of your child would keep him from reaching God's goal.

We looked at this last week. Three clauses. It's not that hard to memorize. I want Independent godly disciples. Who love and serve God and love and serve others and who can handle life by handling God's Word?

Okay.

Three clauses. Godly independent disciples. Who obey the two the two great commandments which are right? Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself. And then lastly they're able to use the Word of God to deal with the issues in their lives.

That's the goal for my children. And if they're doing something or their attitudes show That are wrong that'll keep them from reaching that goal. That's when you exercise discipline. You've got to sort it out.

Do you get all over your child because he put his shoes on the wrong feet? Because he forgot to put away the wash rag. Because he dropped the phone. But then you let him get away with sulking and that quiet passive rebellion.

Right. Why do you discipline? This is what helped me the most I think. Should I discipline them right now or not? Are they doing something? Are they exhibiting an attitude that will keep them from reaching the goal?

That helped me sort out when I was just you know cranky. That's not a good enough reason. So keeping God's goal in mind helps you sort those questions out. So memorize that goal memorize it. And use it.

Okay.

You should exercise discipline whenever disobedience occurs. Do not beg cajole bribe and all those other things. Do not. Okay, this is what I call. Here's here's what I have called the dit philosophy of discipline.

It's called discipline by idle threat. Don't do that. You know what discipline by idle threat is.

Okay.

You're in the store, and you see this woman. She goes stop doing that starts yelling at her kids if you do that We're not gonna go to McDonald's. Well that child knows and mom knows they're gonna go to McDonald's because she wants to go to McDonald's.

I'll never forget the time Calvin was about four. And I was really mad at him and we had to go to the store. And I said to him look if you don't Start acting right. We're not gonna take you to the store with us you know what.

His response was fine. I'll stay home.

Well.

That wasn't gonna happen right. You don't discipline by idle threat. Don't do that. You got to remember. What's at stake? He's disobeyed. He's moved out of the circle of safety and Remember. You train you teach by what you do.

Okay.

Okay. Now you know what I told you one.

Two.

Two and a half. Right. What have you just taught your child? You taught him how to count to three. Yeah. You've also taught him this. You've disobeyed here, but you've got a little bit extra more time to disobey right.

I'm warning you. Right. I don't have to obey without a warning. You teach by what you do. You you discipline whenever disobedience occurs you should exercise discipline. Immediately when you tell your something should tell your child to do something, and he doesn't do it.

Don't hesitate. Don't start trying to convince him of the fairness of your directive. Don't try to show him just how Stupid he is not to do what you're telling him. I don't know if you've noticed this but children are incredible attorneys.

Okay.

When you try to convince them of the rightness of your position they can always punch holes in it and then you have to argue further and then they come up with counter arguments, and then you argue more and You're trying to convince them how right you are don't do that, okay?

Now don't you go out that door don't you go out that door and he walks over and he Puts his hand on the doorknob, and he looks at you say now. Don't you do it. Don't you do it. He turns the doorknob right.

Don't do that. Discipline immediately or he will bring disgrace to you. Now here's something that I think is real important, and I'm seeing some of this really needs to be incorporated into the generation the younger generation sitting here the Andrews and the Levi's and Elaine and All you young parents here, okay?

I've seen this in your I've seen this in in your generation. I'm not picking on you particular people. But your generation is really struggling with this whole idea of discipline. Really struggling with this they just don't want to do it.

And so what happens so a lot of times they okay the Bible says we ought to do it. But you know When you do it There's a danger of turning them into some monster and all this sort of thing and so what they do is they use?

Spanking as a last resort. We'll try everything we can and we'll use spanking as a last resort. Don't do that. Do you believe what God says or not? Okay, do you believe that the rod imparts wisdom if you do you're not going to use it as a last resort.

Okay, you're not going to use it as a last resort and That's where a lot of young Families are today. It's the we'll put it off and put it off. Maybe this will work. Maybe that'll work. Maybe that'll work.

Well, nothing worked. I guess we'll have to spank him. That's not what the Bible says, okay? So it's important it's important to to remember that you know some kids Are really good at manipulation, right?

When I was going through my fundamentals course in Lafayette many many many years ago pastor good who is. The pastor at Faith Baptist in Lafayette who was teaching us. He was one of my mentors in counseling he told the story of counseling this couple and they had a little girl who had some heart problems and This little girl caught on to it.

Right and she would say to her parents if you spank me I might die right if you spank me I might die and then you'll be sorry and Pastor good said to them. Well, you need to tell her but if we don't you'll live and we'll all be sorry.

So The rod imparts wisdom the rod don't be a willing party to his death by not spanking you need to. You need to see that God says this is important. But then someone says yes, but what if. What are some of the common?

Objections to the rod. This is what some folks say. I love my children too much to spank them. Well, we've already talked about that Proverbs 13 24.

He who he who.

Does.

Not spank does not love his son. If you do not discipline, you do not love your son. According to Proverbs 13 24 hatred is what will keep me from spanking my child. Love will force me to do it. If I Really do love my children.

I will do it. And listen, I know what it's like. I don't remember what it was like the kids would be upstairs. We'd put him to bed and Finally get sit down to talk to my wife and relax and pretty soon the the light in the entry room is starting to It's starting to sway because There are some children upstairs jumping from bed to bed and All kinds of stuff and it's like I don't want to get up get up out of my chair.

I just you know, so what do we do then what happens then? There it is. You start yelling. You start yelling. Okay. You know why it's not because you love your kids just because you love yourself. You don't want to be inconvenienced.

You'd want to give up. You want to give up the time the comfort whatever.

Okay.

I'm afraid it will make him rebellious and angry. Proverbs 29 17 says discipline your son and he will give you peace. He will bring delight to your soul by the way. Can my discipline make my son rebellious and angry?

Yeah, if I don't do it the way God says, all right, we'll come to that in a second. Here's another objection and I've heard this Millions of times. Well with my son it just doesn't work. I Have heard that over and over and over again.

Okay. Now let's think about that one. Essentially when you say it doesn't work. You're saying God. I know you're omniscient and Infinitely wise, you know us inside and out and how we are made but I think this is a bad idea.

It doesn't work God. Okay, it just doesn't work. I've got a better idea God because this just doesn't work. Think about that. It doesn't work. Well, what are you saying to God then who says do it? And when it doesn't work or When it appears not to work, that's when you have to say I have to believe what God says.

Not what I'm seeing right faith is believing what God says. Here's one reason why it doesn't work an inconsistent use of discipline the child never knows what's going to elicit a spanking because it you may get a spanking for one thing one day and You do the same thing the next day and nothing happens All right, or they'll do something just little one day and that they're they they're they get their their their hide tanned and then they'll do something big the next day and nothing happens or I'll spank you for this and then you do it two times again.

And then the third time I'll spank you Inconsistent use just not being consistent not being consistent All right. Sometimes there's a failure to persist. Many parents think that this is going to change the child overnight and they just give up All right.

I spanked them three times and They're still doing it stick with it then stay with it All right, you a child is does anybody change overnight. No, and this is why you always have to say to yourself. I'm in it for the long haul.

From the moment they're born to the moment. They leave the house To go out on their own. We're in it for the long haul. Okay, there's a lot of parents who don't persist because they think well, I I spanked them three times.

And.

That reminds me. No, I won't go. Failure to be effective. Does the child even know he was spanked? Okay. Do they even feel it? Tap tap don't do that again, right. You tell them don't do that tap tap. You know, they have to feel it now again.

I Hate it that I have to always add these qualifiers. It doesn't mean you beat them until they got welts on their rear end, right? Doesn't mean that. Just means they need to know That it's happened, okay, by the way.