The Twin Pillars of a Godly Marriage - “The Role of a Husband” (Part 2)

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The Role of a Husband (Part 3) | Adult Sunday School

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Good morning Merry Christmas Was I the first one to say

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Merry Christmas to you? Yeah, it's good. I know a guy he's gone to be with the

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Lord now But he was so discouraged with the lack of people wishing Merry Christmas. This was

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I don't know maybe Ten fifteen years ago that he would every Christmas. He would go to the bank and he would draw out

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Several hundred dollars in five dollar bills And he would walk around with them in his pocket and anybody who would wish him a

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Merry Christmas He'd give him a five dollar bill. He wouldn't tell him ahead of time They had to volunteer

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Merry Christmas, and then he would reach in and give him a five dollar bill You want one did you say Merry Christmas?

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When you see him in glory because that's where he is you can remind him

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You can remind him Well, let's pray and we'll get started our father.

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We are very grateful as we remember the gift of the Lord Jesus Christ each and every day

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That as a Demonstration of your love and your mercy and your grace

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That you and the person of your son reached out to us And Sent him that he might bear our sin that he might live the life that there were commanded he yet can never live and That because of his righteousness

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He was raised from the dead And by the sending of your spirit you unite us with him in that death burial and resurrection

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That where he is we may someday be also As we wait for his return or our departure to meet him

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We pray our father that we would grow in his likeness surely steadily incrementally

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Day by day as we seek to conform to the image of Christ through his word For his glory alone.

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Amen Well It is the

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Christmas season and with it comes All kinds of festivities and activities and not the least of which is

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Christmas dinner I think I know Christmas dinner is always a highlight in our home We're a prime rib

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Christmas dinner kind of family So we endure turkey on Thanksgiving that we might look forward to prime rib on Christmas Amen exactly

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But it has been my observation over time that the vast majority of people like to eat

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But few like to cook and clean up Most like to eat but very few like to cook and and clean up and you know marriage is a bit like that Marriage is a bit like that marriage is a good gift from God and it is designed by God to be one of life's greatest blessings

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We read in the words of Solomon and Proverbs 18 and verse 22 that he who finds a wife finds a good thing

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And obtains favor from the Lord But like eating a delicious meal someone has to do the hard work of preparation and cleanup

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Somebody has to do it We have spent considerable time addressing the role of the wife it's considerable time and now we return again to the whole topic of Biblical submission and authority for our second session with the husbands

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So we are we have concluded our time with the wives and now we are launching into the husbands and we come here for our second message in Husbands men

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God has sovereignly placed us in a position of great authority and thus great influence over our wives and our children and And from that position of authority we are commanded by the

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New Testament to act in a manner consistent with servant leadership

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Servant leadership that which is most perfectly displayed in the person of the

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Lord Jesus Christ himself Now a leadership position is nonetheless a position of authority as we've said before we'll continue to emphasize through this whole time together that There is no leadership without Authority, there is no leadership without authority.

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They are joined at the hip Our outline is 14 characteristics 14 characteristics of a husband's authority

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So that we might understand Appreciate and exercise it in a Christ honoring fashion in our both homes and marriages

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That's the big outline 14 characteristics We looked at the first of them last week you can find your way to Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 23 we looked at the first of them last week and We'll just review it here quickly to Catch us up to speed

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Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church

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He himself being the Savior of the body And we noted last time that our first characteristic is simply this that a husband's authority is unavoidable husband's authority is unavoidable and we noted that that unavoidable nature of a husband's authority is demonstrated in a number of ways and here in this text in the verse 23 of Chapter 5 we noted that it is inherent in the meaning of the word head.

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We've looked at that a bunch of times We'll probably continue to hammer it home because it's such a foundational idea

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But it is inherent in the concept of the word head kephala the Greek word that means

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Authority over or ruler it means authority over a ruler. That's what the word head means in the

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Greek This Paul uses it here We noted as well that the the unavoidable nature of the husband's authority is demonstrated in the events of creation

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We looked at the events of creation and we noted a number of aspects there

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We noted for example that Adams priority in creation Genesis 2 of 7 that he was created first He was created first thus placed in a position of priority

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He was created first and Paul picks up on that very same truth and employs it himself in 1st

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Corinthians chapter 11 in verse 8 where he is there speaking about Authority and submission and so forth where he says verse 8 of chapter 11 1st

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Corinthians man does not originate from woman but woman from man So Adams priority he was created first Beyond that we noted partnership

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Partnership that Eve was made or the woman was made to be his helpmate to be his partner in life to be one who corresponds to him

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Genesis 2 18 And again, Paul reaches back into Genesis picks that up and brings it into Into to bear on his arguments there in 1st

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Corinthians 11 in verse 9 Man was not created for the woman's sake but woman for the man's sake

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Okay, so we have the partnership that she is a helpmate We also noted the

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Dominion mandate Demonstrates the unavoidable nature of the husband's leadership and authority and that is that the

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Dominion man shape mandate was given to Adam first It was given first to him She was created to share with him in that mandate, but the mandate was given first to him

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Genesis 2 15 Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it

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God gave him the Dominion mandate and then culpability

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Culpability God calls to Adam after the fall in Genesis 3 9

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God seeks out Adam and says, where are you? You know, what have you done?

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He says later in the chapter and Paul again understanding that the deep foundational truths of these things enlisted in his argument in Romans chapter 5 and Verse 12 where he writes therefore just as through one man sin entered into the world and death through sin

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And so death spread to all men because all sin sin entered into the world through one man

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Adam because he was Ultimately culpable. He was ultimately culpable

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We also noted here in Ephesians chapter 5 in verse 23 the grammatical construction

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We looked at the difference between the indicative in the imperative Recognize that the indicative verb where it says here

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The husband is the indicative verb is the head of the wife is a statement of reality Not a command to be obeyed

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Statement of reality not a command to be obeyed husbands are never Commanded to become their wives heads that is never found in the scripture

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That happened when they wed When they exchanged vows in a modern context it happened it occurred.

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He became her head Finally last week we noted that the unavoidable nature of the husband's authority

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Produces an inescapable leadership within the home the unavoidable nature creates an inescapable leadership role

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Because the man the husband is the head he's the one who carries the authority in the husband -wife relationship

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As we noted from one writer, we cannot as men successfully refuse to lead

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We cannot successfully Refuse to lead it is our lot

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Gentlemen when we read so that's all by way of review. That's all last week condensed down for you second second characteristic, this is where the information becomes new second characteristic a husband's authority is covenantal a husband's authority is

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Covenantal now every culture in every place in Every time has a discernible way of designating who is and who is not married every culture in every place in every time has a discernible way of determining who are married and who are not and That is essential

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To the survival of the culture, it's absolutely essential destroy marriage

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You will destroy the family if you destroy the family you will destroy the society if you destroy the society you will destroy the nation and This by the way is the demonic agenda behind so much of what we see going on around us

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The attack on the family is ultimately an attack on humanity itself now

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The marriage ceremony itself as I say every culture every place every time some discernible means and mechanism to determine this

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It can be simple For example Isaac and Rebecca in Genesis 24 is a very simple

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Ceremony, you know, he sees her he comes out he meets her he takes her and he places her in his mother's tent the the woman's tent and the scripture very very delicately basically says, you know that they

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Knew one another and they were married. All right, so it's a very simple Ceremony it can be very elaborate

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It can be very elaborate for example in the song of Solomon chapter 3 verses 6 and following where we see

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Solomon's wedding to his Shulamite bride and it is very elaborate very ornate and and Would rival any royal wedding that we have ever seen or read about?

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Okay, so it can be very very elaborate or it can be very simple be very simple so it's not that it's not the elaborateness of does of the marital ceremony that creates its

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It's what am I looking for? The essential nature of it. Okay, it'd be a very very simple very simple

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But whether simple or elaborate Some type of legal and social arrangement is required to establish a marriage

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Some kind of legal social arrangement is needed in order to establish a marriage in the

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Old Testament Marriage is referred to as a covenant between man and woman between a man and a woman.

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It is called a covenant It's called a covenant for example in Proverbs chapter 2 verse 17

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Where we read the adulteress leaves the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her

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God She forgets the covenant of her God in Malachi chapter 2 and verse 14

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Where there Malachi is addressing the unfaithful? Among Israel and he says to them who are leaving their wives for foreign women

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Divorce that's in the same chapter. He says God hates divorce, right because they are divorcing their their

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Israelite wives and taking foreign women He says she that is your Israelite bride is your companion and your wife by covenant

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She is your companion and your wife by covenant. So the Old Testament refers to marriage as a

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Covenant and that is a very important idea to recognize because it speaks about how

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God Views the marriage relationship how he views the marriage relationship.

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In other words, it's not just a social arrangement Not just a social arrangement. It is actually a covenant

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Bruce Walkie in his very fine to volume commentary on Proverbs and and making commentary on Proverbs 217 he writes the following God is the witness to and Guarantor and author of marriage obligations

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God is the witness to and guarantor and author of marriage obligations so Marriage is a covenant that Necessitates the question.

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What is a covenant? What is a covenant we can look to for example?

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The the book called biblical doctrines by MacArthur and Mayhew another book

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I would recommend you add to your library where they write a covenant is a formal agreement or treaty between two parties with obligations and regulations a formal agreement or treaty between two parties with obligations and regulations

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This agreement binds the two parties together legally or socially or Religiously and theologically or some combination of all of them now

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When did marriage as a covenantal relationship first begin?

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When did it happen? When can we observe its first occurrence in Scripture? You know the answer don't you?

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That's right. We want to turn all the way back to the beginning Why are the early chapters of Genesis always under attack by scoffers and unbelievers, huh?

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What do you think? Could it have something to do with it lays the foundation for everything else

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All the truths from there forward are laid in those first 11 chapters So here we are in chapter 2

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Where we find the first? Covenantal relationship called marriage Now question for you

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What were Adams first words? What were Adams first words

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Well, we don't know We don't know But his first recorded words or something like this

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Wow Wow verse 23

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The man said This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh

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She shall be called woman Because she was taken out of man

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Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh She shall be called woman Because she was taken out of man

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Now unless you think I'm just being dramatic for for effect

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Let me suggest to you that the animation in Adams voice is Textually supported by the threefold use of the demonstrative adjective this one this one

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Literally, this one is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh

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This one shall be called woman because this one was taken out of man the most complete

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Physical Correspondence to this new person is found in her

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As he looks at her he says This one I've had mr.

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And mrs. Dog. I've had mr. And mrs. Cow. I've had mr. And mrs. Chicken and there's no like mrs.

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Me Now there is Now there is and this one

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Right dogs not a man's best friend Not at all this one

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She and he are made out of the same stuff the same stuff and That's he gives expression for that reality, right?

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The bone if he is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she corresponds identically with me now

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There's more to this than that statement, okay, it's not less than that It's not less than that that that amazing declaration that he now has someone like him

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But there's more There's more. I think there's at least two other

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Significant realities that are expressed here by Adam in his first recorded words

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And the first one is this that Adam is making a pledge covenant loyalty to her

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He is making a pledge of covenant loyalty to her in these words

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Let me explain The Old Testament sometimes uses the word flesh by itself to speak of a close relationship close relationships

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For example, Genesis 37 verse 27 Joseph is our brother our own flesh

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That's just speaking about close familial relationships right there brothers six times six times

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In the Old Testament the expression bone in flesh is used and it is used in the context of relationships

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So six times used in the context of relationships bone and flesh It's kind of an unusual way to speak is and we would normally think of flesh and bones

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But it's bones and flesh. Oh Since we're in Genesis, I'll just let's just sample one of them for example 29 14 29 14.

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Well, maybe we'll pick up in 30 29 30. So when Laban heard the news of Jacob's of Jacob his sister's son

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Jacob his sister's son. Okay, so your son that makes him a nephew Right. He ran to meet him and he embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his house

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Then he related to Laban all these things and Laban said to him surely you are my bone and my flesh

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He stayed with him a month. So he it is a statement of familial connection You share the same family blood and that is predominantly how it is used however, however

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Two times and actually the same incident reported in two separate Old Testament accounts

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Seem to speak of covenant loyalty Seem to speak of covenant loyalty. So 2nd

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Samuel 5 1 1st Chronicles 11 1 are the same event reported twice

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So you can look over to 2nd Samuel 5 1 2nd

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Samuel 5 1 Then all the tribes of Israel came to David at Hebron and said behold.

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We are your bone and your flesh Previously when

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Saul was king over us You were the one who led Israel out and in and the Lord said to you you will shepherd my people

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Israel and you will Be ruler over Israel. Same is reported in 2nd

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Chronicles 1st Chronicles 11 1 so What's this all about they come to David at Hebron Saul has been killed by the

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Philistines in battle and it has erupted into a civil war There's been an ongoing civil war for almost seven years finally, the house of Saul grew weak and the house of David prevailed and the

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Northern tribes recognized this reality and they were suing for peace They wanted peace to come to the nation.

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And so they come to David and they say To him that you behold we are your bone and your flesh now.

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They are not saying we have the same roots They're not saying we're we're we share blood here

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But Instead I believe what they are doing is pledging their loyalty to him They are pledging their loyalty to him.

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In other words, we will support you through all kinds of circumstances You be our king.

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You're the rightful king. You be the one we will support you. That's a that's a pledge of covenant loyalty.

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I Think the idea of flesh and bone speaks of weakness and strength weakness and strength so We are your bone and your flesh in strength and weakness we commit ourselves to you

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Now if That's correct If that's correct understanding, I think it is

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Otherwise, I would tell you if that is a correct understanding and then we go back to Genesis 2 23

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Then what we see here by Adam is More than just a statement about the woman's physical

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Correspondence to him, but beyond that I believe what we are seeing is his covenantal pledge to her

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His covenantal pledge to her in other words that she is bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh

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He is committing himself to her in strength and weakness By the way, we see that don't we in a modern marriage?

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Ceremony don't we see that kind of covenantal pledge in Weakness and in strength in sickness and in hell till death do us part

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Isn't that what we recite to one another those kinds of ideas? And I think that's what

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Adam is doing here. He is basically saying in circumstances either good or bad My loyalty and commitment to you will not be altered

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Doesn't take very long till it does does it? And as all of you who have exchanged wedding vows, no, it doesn't take long for you either

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It doesn't take long for you either so I think there's a statement of covenantal loyalty here secondly,

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I Think Adam is making a statement about identity her identity

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Notice she shall be called woman. She shall be called woman

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To Call in the creation context is to establish both its name and its identity

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Both its name and its identity. So for example chapter 1 verse 5

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God called the light day and the darkness he called night He called the light day and the darkness he called night.

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He names it and he establishes its identity of light and dark Day 2 in verse 8 he called the expanse heavens

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He called the expanse heavens day 3 in verse 10 He calls the dry land earth and the gathering of the waters.

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He calls seas. He names them and he identifies them They are from there on out known as light and darkness heaven

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Pardon me earth and sea Even to this day even to this day now here in 223

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He calls her woman He names her a shot

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He names her a shot For she was taken out of ish

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He names her a shot woman because she was taken out of ish man

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She is a partaker of his nature and a bearer of his name a taker of his nature and a bearer of his name and he calls her and Identifies her from that point forward all the way to this day ladies, right?

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You are a shot because you were taken from ish

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Now it's interesting we spoke of this last time again, he doesn't use two different words He doesn't use the words male and female

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He uses the name that will forever by its sound remind them of their solidarity together she and he

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She is a woman She is a woman We are in solidarity together.

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We see further in chapter 5 and verse 2 I'll pick it up in verse 1

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This is the book of the generations of Adam in the day when God created man

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He made him in the likeness of God. He created them male and female, right? So the words exist and He blessed them and named them

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Adam In the day when they were created he named them

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Adam They are collectively Adam They are collectively called

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Adam together. They are Adam The woman is not called

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Adam individually. She is only called Adam in conjunction with her husband

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Only in conjunction with her husband. They are in conjunction in in union with them with one another called

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Adam or man This is why

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A woman takes her husband's last name This is why ladies you took your husband's last name when you wed

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Because it denotes the establishment of the covenant by which you now are identified with him

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Such silliness by the way, huh? When a woman refuses to take her husband's last name and instead prefers to hold her father's last name think about it

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She won't take this man's last name and instead she wants to hang on to this man's last name

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All women all women bear a man's last name They bear a man's last name

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When they wed they exchanged the last name of their birth to the new last name of the covenant now how

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How is the covenant established? And what are some of the implications of it for marriage?

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We noted a number of times in our discussion of the roles of wives

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And that a man is not in authority over all women generally, but one woman specifically not all women generally, but one woman specifically and This relationship of authority and submission is entered into through the covenant of marriage entered into through the covenant of marriage

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The covenant is established by the exchanging of vows

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In our culture the covenant is established by the exchange of vows and the exchanging of those vows

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Bind the man and the woman together theologically legally and socially

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We exchange vows Now I've had the privilege of conducting dozens of wedding ceremonies through the years

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And I am I think reasonably flexible in how the wedding ceremony will be organized

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Except for one thing. I have one non negotiable and my non negotiable is

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Is that I am insistent on a thorough and biblically accurate set of vows that's my one requirement a

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Theologically and and biblically accurate set of vows Without that I'm not interested in doing anybody's wedding

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Beyond that it has been my experience that young people generally have not thought

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Very deeply about what is involved in marriage and are thus unqualified to craft their own vows

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Again this is this is sort of the nonsense of the of the permissive parenting generation.

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No, we'll just craft your own vows You'll make some sappy promises to one another Okay, this is nonsense

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This is nonsense There there is a covenant being created here and it has to it has to be a good one.

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So Public service announcement if you want me to do your wedding, it's my vows or the highway.

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Okay, just the way it is Beyond that I think it's noteworthy by the way that the groom vows first The groom vows first and the what and the bride responds in other words he initiates and she responds

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News alert right? That's how marriage works. We're supposed to So he vows to her his commitment and she then responds the hers back to him now implications in the time we have some implications of marriage as a covenant

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I Would say that these are kind of wisdom principles

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I'm not ready to shatter a pulpit over them but I think

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I have the Spirit of the Lord and so I'd say these are wisdom principles.

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So let me give you a few to think about not every couple belongs together

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Not every couple belongs together because not just any man

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Can effectively be any woman's head not just any man

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Can be just any woman's head gentlemen

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Some women are clearly are better Some women are clearly are better They are are better intellectually

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They are better intellectually Just like athleticism and beauty

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God does not distribute intelligence in an egalitarian fashion in other words

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There are some women that are really really intelligent and there are some men that are not

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And there are some men that are not and they really probably don't belong together if one loves to read

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Shakespeare and The other has never read anything longer than the box score of the ball game

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It may not be wise to marry It may not be wise to marry not just any man can lead any woman spiritually

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Not just any man can lead any woman Spiritually a woman who has invested her single years in a passionate pursuit of Christ needs a man who is equally committed and Competent to lead her spiritually not just any man and any woman are well -suited

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There's one for you. How about socially? Socially men if your mother never taught you which fork to use and Where the glass of water glass goes on the table?

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And you don't care to learn You do not know and you don't care to learn

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Then it's probably not a good idea to marry a socialite it's probably not a good idea

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It's gonna make the family gatherings really really awkward when you drink out of the water glass of the guy next to you and It's your future father -in -law

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There is a proper place for these things not everybody knows it not everybody cares but if someone does

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And you don't probably not a good match competently

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Competently some women are men's superior in terms of competence

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Men, it's hard to lead a wife who not only think she's always right, but actually is but actually is

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Makes it difficult. It makes it difficult. So not every woman and every man

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Wisdom says belong together ladies

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Another implication of all of this covenantal talk ladies don't play dumb just to attract a man don't play dumb just to attract a man and Men don't overestimate your abilities and seek to date above your station in life

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Don't listen. You are not Don Juan Do not overestimate what you're bringing to the table and seek

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Above your station in life. I know that sounds so Primitive backwards and non egalitarian.

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Yep. That's right. It is Listen when you make a covenant you got to make the best of it

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When you exchange vows and make a covenant you must make the best of it because you are married and he now is your

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Head ladies and men you are her head. You are her leader You do have authority in the relationship

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You may have made it more difficult for yourself because of various selection criteria that you didn't know about or didn't care about But the reality exists you are married he is your head ladies you must submit to his leadership

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And praise the Lord right that the grace of the gospel Available to all of us because no one is mature when they get married.

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It's it's amazing We enter into the most serious decision of life next to You know repenting and believing on the

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Lord Jesus Christ and we enter in Typically in the least prepared way. I mean most men get married with the advice of salt of Samson She looks good get her for me.

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It's about the depth of the thought and Yet and yet the grace of God Can prevail it does prevail we are growing in the likeness of Christ Someone once said if you want to be like Jesus don't get married

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If you really want to be like Jesus get married if you really want to be like Jesus get married

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It will refine you It will refine you Christ on aging honoring marriages can be built

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In the power of the gospel through the indwelling presence of the Spirit of God in any situation

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In any situation if we will but lean into it third implication here of Marriage as a covenant is that all marriage problems are in my opinion ultimately the husband's responsibility that all marital problems are ultimately the husband's responsibility

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Let me develop this for you Because of the covenantal union there is no longer a he and a she

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There's no longer he and she As one writer said living as permanent roommates with certain sexual privileges included there is only a we

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There's no he and she anymore. It's we we are in the words of Genesis 2 and verse 31

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Which would be a problem because there's not 31 verses in chapter 2 So it's on verse 24 231 huh?

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That's what you call a typo in 224 it is called one flesh, right?

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For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh

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That is the covenant relationship. It is no longer he and she it is us one flesh

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It is we It is we we contradict that covenantal relationship of marriage when we assume an adversarial stance

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You have your problems. I have mine You've got your problems. I got my problems.

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No We have problems We have a problem.

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You don't go to a marriage counselor to split the difference Let's put the difference Don't go to a marriage counselor in order to arbitrate and and to find your rights now

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This idea that a marriage problem is ultimately the husband's responsibility Does not negate does not negate

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The reality that each of them are accountable to God for their own sin

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Each are accountable to God for their own sin But rather what

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I am saying is that the state of the marriage is the man's responsibility He is the leader.

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He is the head the state of his marriage is his ultimately his responsibility

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Ultimately his responsibility and as he emulates

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Christ He emulates he who is head of the church by covenant Ephesians 5 23 again for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church.

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He himself being the Savior of the body Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her chapter 5 verse 25

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When we get married men, we undertake a great covenantal responsibility called marriage

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We undertake a great covenantal responsibility called marriage and Thus we are responsible for the state of that marriage because Caroline I believe this so passionately whenever we are approached for marital counseling

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Our focus is always first and foremost to try to work with the husband to understand

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To accept and begin to employ rightfully his responsibility within his marriage and his home

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We're not trying to arbitrate who did what to whom? We are seeking to point the husband to Christ And as he pursues

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Christ his wife who has called alongside him and is naturally inclined To follow his leadership

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She will follow him into Christ Now there is very very encouraging news, let me just kind of end with this there is very very encouraging news in all of this

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God honors those who honor his word. That's the encouragement God honors those who in honor his word and And as a man as a husband when we honor the

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Word of God By working hard at our marriage. God will honor that And it will be remarkable the transformation that will occur as we begin to love as Christ loves and begin to serve as Christ serves and begin to wash our brides

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With the word I'm always reminded of the words of Joshua in 24 15 where he says as for me and my house

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We shall serve the Lord we shall serve the Lord let's pray

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Our father the covenantal responsibilities of marriage are very very weighty and we

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Live in a day in an age where it is rejected

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It has been rejected by the unbelieving world forever But it is even now so often rejected within the professing

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Church We have we have drunk so deeply of our culture we are so committed to to individualism and to into Self -actualization, but you're just fancy words for sin and self gratification a

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Lord have mercy on us your people Help us to think seriously about what marriage really is and in particular for us as husbands

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To not only think seriously, but but make whatever changes we need to make

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To begin to bring our leadership in line with the scriptures We're given the role model of Christ Time spent in the

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Gospels reading and meditating on Christ would would serve us. Well What does it mean to serve?

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and lead What does it mean to die to self and live for another?

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What does it mean To be out front in leadership of our wife and our children my father the answers are here

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You've made them available to us And as a body of believing people we

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We exist in fellowship with one another to encourage one another in these pursuits. No one has it wired

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No one is immune to struggle in these things Whether it be newlywed or those married for for half a century.

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We are all sinners Struggling to walk by grace in faith

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Our father may you this week do your good work Through your indwelling spirit.