23 - Lesson 12: The Christian Home, Part 2

Well, welcome to the

Striving for Eternity Academy's School of Discipleship. This is our class on an

Introduction to Discipling. We have been going through a book called Growing in Grace, which is about 12 lessons long.

As we look at those lessons, we notice that there are 12 of them and this is class number 23, which means

I've kind of been going at two classes per lesson. I don't know how I managed that, but we've been going through each of these lessons with the goal of teaching how to disciple someone.

That's been the goal. We've been using this book, Growing in Grace, just to facilitate the means of discipling.

This is just an introductory class. This is something you can purchase from our store at store .strivingforeternity

.org if you want to get that. If you're interested in enrolling as a student in the

Striving for Eternity Academy, you can do that at strivingforeternity .org. We welcome all of you who are viewing this, maybe for the first time, and you're going, well, gee,

I'm in lesson 23, the last lesson of the class, well, maybe you should start back at the beginning, just saying.

It's usually good to start things at the beginning and not the end. My encouragement to you is go back to lesson one, just maybe.

We've been going through this and discussing the issue of discipling, how to go about it, how to encourage one another to do just that.

As we've been going through this book, you notice the first half of the book was kind of more theoretical, discussing things like how to read the

Bible, what salvation is, prayer, church membership, baptism, just general theoretical type of things.

Then we got into a little bit more practical, where the rubber meets the road and we're doing more counseling with the person we're discipling.

We're talking about holy living and obedience, that one hurts,

I don't want to talk about that one, temptations and trials. We've talked about things like that.

Now this week, we are finishing up our lesson, lesson number 12, the

Christian home, which we're calling a legacy for our

Lord. We went over guidelines for Christian families. We looked at that last lesson.

We also, last lesson, looked at the institution of marriage. We looked at the husband's role and the wife's role.

We talked about all of those things and how we have the marriages set up by God.

He gets to define it, just saying. I know that there's some that say, wait a minute, I'm not married.

Why would I need a lesson on the Christian home? Hold on, we're going to get there.

My encouragement, even though you may say, I'm not a husband or a wife, but do you plan to be one day?

Then you should review that last lesson because if you want to be somebody that someone is going to look to marry, someone would want to marry you, well then, you're going to want to be that type of person that we looked at there, that type of person who is going to be a godly husband, is going to be a godly wife, so that whoever you go to marry, they're going to look for those characteristics.

That's what you should be looking for in a spouse. Look at the characteristics that God says is a godly husband or a godly wife and look for someone that has those characteristics.

That's what you should be looking for. That's why that lesson, even if you say, well, I'm not married, those lessons are still important because that helps you to know what to look for.

Just a little side note, long before I was married, I had the privilege of being very close with my pastor.

I would go to his home every Sunday night after evening service. I'd get to spend evening with the family, got to know the family very well.

It became a thing where I really learned what to look for in a godly wife by looking at my pastor and his wife and their relationship together.

I learned what I should be as a godly husband from watching them interact.

Now I say that for two reasons. One, if you are a married couple, may I encourage you to bring singles into your home so they have a godly example to what to look for.

You go, maybe you're not a godly couple. Well then work on that first and still invite them into the home so they know what not to look for.

But if you're single, look for godly couples whose lives you can be part of and watch the example of them so you can learn from their example.

So that you don't have to make mistakes that you can learn from others how to avoid them.

So that's just some encouragement. This week we're going to deal with, we dealt with the husbands and the wives, so this week we're going to deal with children.

Oh yes, you know those little bundles of sin that you bring into your home.

They are. They're little sinners. I know. We're supposed to say, they're so innocent, they're so cute.

They are cute. You know why children are cute? I think God gives us a love for little, adorable little children so we don't rip their heads off.

They're a viper in a diaper. I mean, if they could, if they were big enough and strong enough, that infant would rip your head off.

It's a little selfish sinner. You don't believe me? Don't give it some milk and see what happens.

They start crying, that's all they know is selfishness and you hope they grow out of it after 20, 30 years.

But this is something that God has given children. He's decided that in the way of reproducing the human race,

He would do it through children growing up within a home, which means God instituted the family for the specific reason of not just the husband -wife relationship, but also the parent -child relationship.

Now, let me give a warning. Parent -child relationship does not supersede husband -wife relationship.

Your children will move out of the house one day. Your spouse never should. And there's too many people who focus on the parent -child relationship because there's an urgency to that.

There's a kind of a squeaky wheel type of thing gets the oil. You know, if you have a squeaky hinge or a squeaky wheel, all the wheels may need the oil but it's the one that's making the noise that you give the oil to because it's the one that's annoying you or getting your attention.

It's kind of similar with children sometimes. The children get the attention and the spouses sometimes don't.

If you're going to be discipling people, you're going to see people that are in bad relationships in the home a lot of times.

Bad marriage relationships, parenting child issues,

I mean, and you're going to have to deal with those things, okay? That's part of discipling.

You need to come alongside and help them. And there may be situations that are just very, very hard.

Some people have really difficult family situations, family dynamics. Some of it because of sin, some of it because it's just this is how it's developed over time and they didn't know any better.

And so, let us take a look at the children. We're going to start with the responsibilities, the responsibilities, okay?

And you may be a child watching this. We do have many homeschoolers and children who watch these classes and we are encouraged by you.

I've gotten some emails from young, young Christians, 12, 13 -year -old

Christians who watch these programs and are encouraged by them. So maybe you're a child and this may be more specific to you on what you could be doing as the responsibilities you have as a child.

So let's look at those responsibilities. First is that children are to obey their parents.

Obey is your blank there. They are to obey their parents. In Ephesians 6, 1, we read, children, obey your parents in the

Lord for this is right. It says after that this is the first commandment with promise.

I knew of a, or heard of a family who the parent had so drilled this into his children that he had a company over, an unsaved man that came over and every time the children would act up, the father would say, children,

Ephesians 6, 1, and the children would stop what they're doing, yes daddy, and they would behave.

And this guy was like, by the end of the evening he was like, what is Ephesians 6, 1, what does

Ephesians 6, 1 mean because I got to use this, this is great and you just say that and the kids get in line.

And the father said, well, it's not so much saying it, but living it.

And what it was was that he explained what the verse meant and that he had to as a father explain the meaning of this to his children that obeying your parents are not really for your parents' sake, but for God's.

It glorifies God when children obey their parents and that's kind of like at any age.

This is the idea of honor and we should always be honoring our parents, even as adults, yikes, yes, even as adults we should be honoring our parents.

Now, maybe not in the same way, you don't live in their home anymore, but you also have the case where maybe you have parents that are not believers, like in my case, my parents are not believers, and there's certain things that they do not appreciate about me being a

Christian. There's certain things that I will honor when I'm in their home and there's certain things that I will do in my home that they will respect me enough that they will, for example, where in my home, we pray before a meal together.

Might be the reason they always want to go out to eat. When I am in their home, we pray as a family individually.

We do not pray aloud, we each pray privately because we want to pray, but at the same time it's something that my parents,

I don't want to shove it in their face and they don't like that. And so, it's a way of,

I'm still honoring God, but I'm still showing honor to them without disobeying.

Now, if they tell me I can't pray at all, well, that would be different. I could still pray. But you know, some of the things that we sometimes in the family make big deals over, for example, in my family, in my house, if you stay in my home, you come to church with us.

My parents don't like that rule, so they don't stay in my home, okay? They want to get a hotel room, that's their choice.

But these are the rules for my home and we still show honor in that way, okay?

So there are things we can do, but even as adults, we honor our father and mother. We also see the same thing in Colossians 3, 320, it says, for children are to obey in all things.

Look at what this one says, children, obey your parents in everything. For this is pleasing to the

Lord. Now, that doesn't say parents or children, obey your parents in some things.

What does that say? Obey your parents in all things. Now this doesn't mean, and I'm going to leave that up for a split second because this gets into the thing.

What if my parents are not believers? Do I obey them if they ask me to sin? Well, of course you don't.

But it does mean that we are to be looking to obey them in everything that we can, okay?

Obey your parents in all things. It is also where this, we get this from, when in Ephesians 6, 2 and 3 where it says, this is the first command with promise, that goes back to the

Old Testament. In Exodus 20, verse 12, honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land that the

Lord your God has given you. So children are to honor, that's your next blank, honor their father and mother.

And this is the thing, this is a lost thing nowadays, unfortunately, but parents are often training their children for behavioral modification, not honor.

And there's a big difference between the two. Behavioral modification is where you teach your children to behave because they better or they're going to get a spanking or something or there's just, they're behaving a certain way, but they really aren't believing or doing it because they want to, they're doing it out of fear.

They don't want to be grounded, they don't want to have the consequences. That's different than a child who obeys out of honor, okay?

And this is the thing, we want to train children to honor their parents.

So in other words, they'll be obedient because they respect their parents, not because they're afraid of their parents.

And there's a big difference between the two, all right? So that's the responsibility of the children. Let's take a look at their instruction.

What is to be their instruction? Well, we see that a child can know the

Holy Scriptures when they are young. Where do we know that from? Well, Timothy. In 2

Timothy 3 .16, Paul said to Timothy, and how from your childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred things which are able to make you wise for salvation through Christ Jesus.

So you see there that the blank there is that a child can know the Holy Scriptures, even when they're young.

We should be training the children at a young age. This is why with my children who were young,

I went through these books, these growing grace books with them, teaching them the Word. I want to get them knowing the

Word. We did family devotions and we tried to teach them. And we want them to understand from a young age.

Now, with this, I say this because people get into this, how do I do family devotions when

I have a one or two year old? Well, what I would say is you train them by starting at the level they're at.

Now, if you have a one or two year old and then you have a maybe eight year old, it's going to be a little bit more of a challenge.

So with the one or two year old, you just want them learning to sit still. They're not really understanding, but you want to talk at a level they understand.

Keep it short. Add more time. One of the things that I've been encouraging people in recent times,

I didn't think of doing this when my children were young enough, but is to have the children, there's a time for the children's family devotion and then there's mommy daddy time or adult time, big people time.

And the children, maybe it's you put them to bed and look, you can't get out of bed because now it's time for the adult time of family devotions.

And when you're older, you can stay up later and you can be part of the bigger adult time. So when they're young, they get used to just sitting still and sitting quiet, but it gives them a longing for wanting to be part of adult

Bible study, right? The adult family time. And so you just, as they get older, you get a little deeper in explaining things to them and you extend the time a little bit more.

But it isn't so much that you want to be entertaining them as much as teaching them. When they get older and they can comprehend,

I really found helpful is to ask questions with my children. One of the things that I found very helpful is to ask them, you know, what do you think?

So you see in the storm here, you have the disciples, they're in a storm and Jesus is sleeping.

What were they going through? I mean, were they used to being on a boat? Oh, yeah, daddy. They were, they were fishermen.

Some of them were fishermen. So they were used to being on a boat. Yeah, they would have been. So they know what a storm is like on a boat. Don't you think?

Well, yes. If they were scared, could this have been a big storm? Oh, yeah. Maybe it was. Get them thinking through putting themselves in the position of the events that are going on and thinking through what was going through people's minds.

Helps them to grasp and retain the scriptures. OK. Letter B there is whose responsibility is it to bring the children up in the nurture and admonition of the

Lord? Yeah, this one's going to hurt some people. I'm just saying. But let's look what Ephesians 6, 4 says.

Fathers, that's your blank there. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the

Lord. It's not mom's job to train the children in the ways of the

Lord. Dads, it's time to stand up. I know you're tired from working all day.

I understand that. It's your job. And it's more important than the job you're doing eight hours a day.

Take the time. Spend maybe an hour of time studying to prepare to train your children.

It'll be the most valuable time of your day and your children will appreciate it. And it is time you can never take back.

And when your children grow older and you see them training their children and discipling their children, then you'll know you did a good job.

All right. That's how you know the next generation. But fathers, it is our job to train up our children.

Parents are to teach the Word of God diligently. That's your blank there. Diligently to our children.

This is from what's called the Shema. One of the most well -known passages of the Old Testament to a

Jewish person is what is wrapped in a scroll and put on the door post on a

Jewish door. It's what's called a mezuzah. But this is what it says. Speaking of your children, teach them diligently.

Sorry. You'll teach them these teachings of God. You'll teach them diligently to your children.

And you shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

So that's basically all day long. As you go about your day, throughout your day, in everything you do, it should be seasoned with Scripture.

It should be seasoned with the instruction from the Lord. That's what we should be about doing.

Throughout our whole day, when we're with our children, we should be instructing them on the ways of the Lord. That's actually what discipleship really is as well.

I mean, throughout our day we should be discipling people, teaching them the things of the Lord. So here's some practical ideas that we have in your

Growing in Grace book for family Bible study. Okay? Family devotions. One, set aside a set time each day.

Whether it be after dinner, before bedtime. Some people I know do it during breakfast because that's the time their family is together.

Whatever time it is, try to have a set time. I know some people, they do it three times a week.

Well, if that's what you do, then three times a week. But make it a commitment and make sure nothing interrupts. I encourage people, if you have company over, they're just part of the family devotions.

That's all. I have done that with my family. My parents didn't really like it so much, but I involve them in family devotions.

If you're in my home during a time when we're doing family devotions, you're doing family devotions with us. That would be a way of doing it because you want to make sure that time is set aside and kind of sacred.

Kind of something that doesn't get rescheduled because it's very easy to get out of that schedule.

Schedule a time and keep it. The children will come to expect it. Number two, depending on the age of your children, read portions of the

Bible, a children's Bible, or have them read if they're able. We would take portions.

We'd go around reading a verse at a time or sometimes two verses. We'd each read a chapter, maybe a full chapter, sometimes up half a chapter or whatever, and then we'd discuss it.

If we kept going, we'd go around reading, but we'd want to read. You could sing songs depending on your ages of your kids, but getting them used to singing some good songs, you could do that.

My family really isn't into singing so much, so we never really did that much, but some people really enjoy that as part of it.

Have each child that is able to pray. Give them something specific to pray for sometimes.

We would have a time after devotions where we would share prayer requests within our family, and then we'd take turns praying for one another.

We would do that differently. Sometimes we'd pray on a different day. We'd have different people praying sometimes.

We'd just kind of mix it up. Those are some practical guidelines.

That's the instruction with parenting. Let's go to the correction. I know some children,

I never needed it clearly, but some children actually need correction. No, that's not exactly true.

You could ask my parents, but don't. They could tell you stories about how much correction I needed.

My wife may tell you I still need, but let's take a look. We already looked at this in Ephesians 6 .4.

Fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath. That's your blanks there.

Not to provoke their children to wrath. Dads, do you know you can provoke your children?

I think John MacArthur has a great sermon on this text,

Ephesians 4 .6. He goes through all the ways that as a father you could provoke your children to wrath.

Just nag them. Be on top of them for every little thing, and you'll get an angry child.

Criticize them at every point, every step. You'll get an angry child. Don't trust them with anything.

Treat them like they're incompetent in every area. You'll get an angry child.

Be overbearing with them. Be overprotective. Don't give them any freedoms whatsoever.

You'll have an angry child. There's so many ways that we're not even aware because we make a vital mistake.

Someone said this to me recently, and this is really a great thing. The children that are in your home are not your property or your possession.

They're God's. They're your stewardship. You are responsible to God with how you raise them, but they don't belong to you.

And that is a crucial thing to understand because that helps us to know that these children that we're raising, we're raising for God and not to obey us but to obey

God. And so we've got to be sensitive to what they're thinking and what they're going through.

I know I've been guilty of that a lot where I've made mistakes as a father and not trained them well in that area.

But we've got to be careful, okay? Also there is, why should a father not provoke his children?

Well, Colossians 3 .21 has the answer. Fathers, do not provoke your children unless they become discouraged.

So they don't become discouraged. We don't want them to be discouraged. They tune you out.

Now, I deal with parents that are like, one day my child just woke up and doesn't listen to me.

No, they've been trying to tune you out for a long time. It's just now they feel old enough that they feel empowered to do it, okay?

It's been building up. And that's the thing. Often when parents suddenly recognize that their children are discouraged, it's when their children are finally showing outward signs of what's been going on inwardly for years.

You've got to be watching for those little tiny signs and you've got to be careful not to discourage them. Don't provoke your children, okay?

Parents are, however, commanded to not, that's your blank there, not withhold correction.

Proverbs 23 .13 says, Do not withhold discipline from a child.

If you strike him with a rod, he will not die. Wow. Now, I'm not saying that spanking is always the right punishment in all circumstances, but correction is needed.

You should not be avoiding, and that's the point there. I understand that there are times where we just don't, there's some people that they don't want to correct their children because they want friends.

They want their children to be their friend. Your child won't be your friend if you don't correct them. In fact, children respond better to consistent correction.

Children do not respond well when the correction is inconsistent. In other words, sometimes you get a correction, sometimes you don't.

They don't know where the limits are. And what they end up doing is testing those limits more often. And so, it's better to be consistent.

Don't make everything punishable, okay? Make those willful acts of disobedience punishable, but not everything.

Everything doesn't deserve the same exact punishment either. If a parent loves the child, they will discipline them promptly.

Proverbs 13, 24, and Proverbs speaks a lot on correction in children. Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but whoever loves him is diligent to discipline him.

So, you should be disciplining your children diligently. You should not be withholding that correction if you love them.

You actually hate the children. If you train up a child in the way he will go, in other words, don't discipline him.

Let him be selfish. Spoil the child. Give him everything he wants. He's never going to change from that selfish mindset, okay?

He's always going to be selfish if you've trained him that way. Most people understand that passage incorrectly.

I mean, the reverse is true. If you train him in the ways of the Lord, he's going to know the ways of the Lord, but it doesn't mean it's not a promise that he's going to return to the faith because you've taught him that at a young age.

No, you teach him the ways of the Lord to break him of his selfishness so that he recognizes that he should be honoring

God, not self. And it is an act of love to discipline.

If you're disciplining out of anger, you're producing an angry child, okay? We discipline while there is hope.

Discipline your son for there is hope. Do not set your heart on putting him to death.

What does it mean to put him to death? Well, the idea of putting him to death is the fact that you put him on a path of selfish living.

Of living selfishly, he's going to be on a path of death and destruction, all right?

What is God's method for disciplining? Well, we already saw it, but Ephesians, Proverbs 23, 14, if you strike the child with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.

So it is the rod, it is a spanking. Now, the rod is a switch, it's a stick of a kind which stings without injuring.

That's a major thing. Spanking should never be done in anger. So in other words, you've got to make sure your heart is right before you give the spanking.

And sometimes you say, you know what, little Johnny, you deserve a spanking, but Daddy's very upset right now.

Daddy needs to deal with between him and the Lord first, and then you and I need to deal with you, okay?

Rather, it is only to be done for acts of attitudes of clear disobedience and only enough to correct the problem.

It shouldn't be done for foolishness, and that's your next one. Foolishness, Proverbs 22, folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

And that's the point. You're blank there. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, and the rod of correction will drive it from him.

Children will be foolish. They will do foolish things. Now note that foolishness is not childishness, but knowing right from wrong and not doing it, okay?

So we have to know the difference when a child is just doing something because they don't understand right from wrong, and they're just being children, versus knowing it's wrong and doing it purposely.

Okay, that's the difference there. You spank when they know it's right and wrong, and they're doing it purposely, okay?

So next, let a child, well, let a child, let me try and redo that.

A child left to themselves without correction will bring shame on his mother.

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

This is what I was saying already. If you train up a child in the way they will go, you leave them to themselves, put that back up for one second, a child left to himself, notice that, left to himself will bring shame to his mother.

That's the idea. If you let the child have his way all the time, you'll raise them to be selfish children, and they'll bring a shame on you, all right?

Last one is a child who is loving and consistently corrected gives parents rest and delight for their soul.

That's your blanks, rest and delight for their soul. Discipline your son, and he will give you rest, and he will give delight to your heart.

And so that's the thing. Now, we should not be doing this instruction so that we get the rest.

That's the side benefit. We do it because we want to honor God. And when you're discipling somebody, you're going to realize that some people have children already, and this is tough.

I mean, they've already got angry children, and now they've got a lot of work to do. It is never too late to start.

And one thing I'd encourage you, if you have someone and they say, look, I already have children. They hate me. We've been fighting.

It's been horrible. Then maybe you encourage them. Sit down with your children and say, look, Mommy and Daddy parented very badly.

We were bad. We did wrong. And we now are Christians.

And as Christians, we're going to try to do what's right. And it's going to be hard for all of us. You are not going to trust that Mommy and Daddy have your best interests in mind, but we're really going to try to do what's best for you and train you upright.

And there's going to be part of you that you just won't like it, and we understand that. But we're going to try to do this together.

All right? So that's parent -child relationships. Let's move on to singleness, guidelines for Christian singles.

And let me be clear. Christian singles are not some sort of second -class citizen in the church.

They shouldn't be. I understand that some churches make them feel that way, but it shouldn't be.

All right? But let's give a perspective of singleness. All right? First off, it is good, that's your blank there, good if an unmarried or a widow person remains single.

We know that from 1 Corinthians 7 -8. To the unmarried and to the widows, I say it is good for them to remain single as I am.

So you see, Paul's saying it's good to be single. As a single person, you have more time on your hands.

Now, that's not the case if you're a single mother or a single father and you have young children in the home.

Suddenly, you've got a lot more work. I mean, it's like, oh, never resting.

Okay? I understand that. And some of us who are married or maybe have the time, you know, if you have single parents in your church, give them a break sometimes.

I mean, just take the children off their hands so that they can get a night out, a night of rest.

You know, one of the things is that for single mothers, single fathers, they've got very little chance to ever remarry because they don't have time to date because who's going to take care of the children?

You know, they don't have time to meet somebody and they feel drained. I mean, they come home, they've got to go work.

They work all day. They've got to rush home, get dinner ready, get the kids' homework done, get the kids to bed.

I need to sleep so I can start all over again. I mean, you could usually tell who it is that's a single parent in the home, in the church.

You know why? They come to church and they're just like... You know, because that's sometimes the only hour they have where they can rest.

That shouldn't be the case. Church. It's our job to act like the church and help one another.

All right? If being single is God's calling for you at this time, you must recognize that it's what's best.

You know, most people I knew, especially when I was single when I was younger, they really weren't content being single.

I wasn't. I was looking to get married, and I was trying to find that right person because I really wanted to get married.

And you know, it wasn't until I finally said, You know what, Lord? I think I need to learn to be content. And it wasn't until I got to a point where I was actually content and I started saying,

Lord, if I'm going to be single, then I'll be single. And that's when I finally met somebody. But I think we need to learn that, to be content with this situation that we're in.

I know way too many people that rush into bad situations because they want to be married, and they marry someone, and they haven't thought it through.

A lot of times, people marry someone because they just want to be married, and they want someone to share their life with, and they marry someone that professes to be a

Christian, and that person's professing to be a Christian because they want to be married, too.

And they're willing to say, Whatever it takes to marry you, maybe I'll be a Christian. That's a real issue for many people.

The benefits of singleness. What? There's benefits to being single? Yeah, there are. Let's go through them.

Paul recommends singleness would be good because of the present distress.

He says there, I think that in view of the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is.

Your blank there is distress. But you know what's funny? Paul didn't live in this day and age, and we can go, There's a lot of distress now.

What was Paul talking about? That's always the case. There's always going to be distress. As a parent, you always have things that you're just like,

Boy, what are my kids going to go through? There's a whole bunch more you have to think about as a parent. In 1

Corinthians 7, he also says this, I want you to be free from anxieties.

Wow. Did you ever think about that? Being unmarried helps you. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the

Lord and how to please Him. He goes on to say, If you're married, you have to be anxious about the things of your family.

You have to be thinking about your wife. Same for the wife. If she's single, she thinks about the

Lord. But if she's married, she's got to think about her husband. So a person who is unmarried can care for the things of the

Lord, that's your blank, and how they may please Him. You have more time to spend serving

God if you are not married. That is a blessing. That's a benefit. The person who is bound, that's your blank there, bound, and that's the way it describes it in 1

Corinthians. Paul describes it that way. Bound by the law. The person who is bound by the law as long as his spouse lives is because of this truth that a single should not rush into marriage.

In other words, because marriage is for life, you're bound by the law of God to remain in that marriage.

You shouldn't rush it. Do not make a mistake. It is a decision you're going to make for the rest of your life.

Okay? It is the most important decision after salvation that you can make because this is a very special institution that God has created.

So do not rush into marriage. It is the number one problem that I see with singles rushing into a relationship.

There are also dangers with singleness. All right? Dangers with singleness.

Let us look at... We looked at the benefits. Let's look at the dangers.

First, immorality. Yikes. But if they cannot exercise self -control, they should marry.

This is speaking of people who are widows whose husbands have passed away and it says, but if they cannot exercise self -control, it is better for them, they should marry.

It is better to marry than to burn with passion. In other words, this is speaking of the idea of some people that have been widows and they're being encouraged, hey, you're single.

You have more time to devote to the Lord. What's the remedy for someone who is unable to control their sexual desire?

Marriage. Marriage. Now that doesn't mean... Now granted, this was in a different time when there was arranged marriages and things like that, but God's solution to sexual desires is marriage.

But again, don't rush into it just so you can have sex. I've seen that happen. Sex is not all that it's cracked up to be if you're in a bad marriage.

Okay? Because quite frankly, you end up in a marriage where you have a bad marriage and you don't have sex.

So, wait upon God. Okay? If He is not giving you a gift of singleness, an ability to deal with that, maybe it's that He needs you to learn to curb that before He's going to bring someone in your life.

And then next is wrong decisions. Wrong decisions. What is the limitation on whom

God has for you to marry? This is a major one. Let's look at 1 Corinthians 7 .39.

And this limitation and so many people make this mistake. A white...

That's not the right verse. Which one did I say? I said... Either I put the wrong verse up there or...

Okay. So... Okay. This is that they should only marry believers.

They should only marry believers. And so I'll have to look at that.

I must have put the wrong verse there. Sorry. But...

We are to marry believers only as Christians. And this is something...

I know so many people that they get into dating evangelism. There's no other thing to call it.

They date someone hoping that they'll get saved. But they're such a good person and they don't mind that I'm a

Christian. Now, after a couple years of marriage, yeah, you'll see those things work out in ways that people just don't expect.

And they think that it's... In your dating mindset, you think everything will work out.

Well, let me give you the instruction. This is some instruction I have for every couple that comes to pre -marriage counseling.

When they're wanting to think about marriage, I ask them to do this. I want you to find the worst character that you can find in this person you're looking at as a future husband or wife.

Multiply it by 10 and ask if you can live with that. You say, well, why is that? Because most people, when they're dating, they only look at the positive things of the person.

They never want to think of the negative. They ignore the negative, thinking that that somehow is going to go away after marriage.

No, no, no, no. The person that you're looking at is putting on the same facade that you're putting on, trying to only show the best part of you and not show what you really like when you let your guard down.

And after a couple years of marriage, you start letting your guard down and you see what someone's really like.

Because they were putting on a facade just like you were. And now you realize, oh,

I'm stuck in this relationship and this person is not what I expected. No, they weren't what you expected because you overlooked it.

Don't overlook it. Okay? And people do that. God gives very clear instructions about dating or marrying an unbeliever.

So don't even date someone that's not a believer because it shouldn't go anywhere. I tell people you shouldn't be recreationally dating.

That's when you date with no goal of marriage. I like what someone put on Facebook recently. Dating someone without marrying them, without having a plan for marriage, is like going to the grocery store without money.

You're going to walk away with one of two things. Very, very dissatisfied or stealing something that doesn't belong to you.

Something to think about. Recreational dating, I think, is bad. So here's some practical suggestions for you.

And this is a list from John MacArthur's Guides for Singleness, pages 52 and 53.

So eight things for singles. Eight guidelines. One, channel your energy through physical work and spiritual ministry.

Channel your energy. Focus on the things of the Lord. Two, do not seek to be married for the sake of being married.

I knew someone that, oh, she wanted to get married awful bad. She was dating a guy for eight years and he was afraid to marry her because he knew she just wanted to get married.

She didn't really care who, just wanted to get married. He finally broke it off, which he should have done long ago, but he broke it off and she ran off and married some guy she met on the internet and was divorced in about six weeks.

She just wanted to get married. And once she was married, oh, wait, what did I get into?

Yeah. Do not marry just for the sake of being married. Number three, let go of the sex -mad adulterous world.

I mean, just stop looking at the things that are going to make you desire sex so you can avoid that immorality.

Okay, I don't understand these people that are single and they want to try to live Christian lives and then they watch lots of pornography.

That is not going to help. And do not use the excuse that because you're single, you have nobody to help you in this area.

I'm sorry, but pornography is never a solution to that. Okay? Contentment with God is.

Number four, program your mind with the Word of God. Start taking the extra time you have, study the

Word of God. That's where I got most of my study in. I did the bulk of my study when I was single. I mean,

I was just reading all the time and studying day and night. Use that time. Number five, count on divine enablement to live without sexual fulfillment.

In other words, pray. I mean, trust the Lord. Find that contentment in Him. Number six, avoid potential tempting situations.

In other words, guys, girls, don't be in a situation where you could be tempted. Don't be alone with one another. When my wife and I were courting, we'd go to the mall because it's public.

Yes, we could sit and talk, but we weren't going to do things we shouldn't. The most we might do is hold hands, okay?

Because we were in a public place. Avoid those things. Praise and thank

God. Praise and thank God in the midst of your singleness. I mean, do you thank

God for being single? Or do you complain to God because you're single? That's not to think about. Change the mindset.

Have a mindset where you're praising God and thanking Him for being single. Be accountable to close friends of the same sex about the struggles that you have, all right?

So those are eight things. Now, for your homework, I'm giving different homework for a different group.

If you're a husband, memorize Ephesians 5 .25.

If you're a wife, Ephesians 5 .22. Children, Ephesians 6 .1.

Singles, 1 Corinthians 7 .24. Those are the passages to read.

Now, let's throw up... Well, let's not throw up. Sorry, let me rephrase that. Let's put up our book here on...

last of our studies here on these PowerPoints that a friend of ours here put together on the family just so we could review.

But this is basically the review that he has here. And he's kind of gone through all the lessons, put it in a visual way, which is nice to have there.

So just, again, that's something for you to have. If you have any questions throughout any of this, you can always email us at academyatstrivingforeternity .org,

academyatstrivingforeternity .org. I do want to mention we are not going to have class for the next,

I think it's two or three weeks, right? Basically what's going to be happening is

I will be away... Let's see. Next class will be on March 16th.

March 16th is the next class, all right? March 16th, that gives you time to go to the website, to the store, and purchase this.

This is the book three of our Systematic Theology. We're going to start for the live class, returning to our

Systematic Theology. We'll be looking at God Speaks to the World, the Doctrine of the Church. We're going to look at the doctrines of Revelation, Inspiration, Illumination, and Authority, Preservation and the

Canon, the Apocrypha, those books the Catholics have. We'll look at the

Preservation of a Translation, Comparison of Translations. Then we're going to do a quick lesson on Dispensationalism and Harmoneutics.

So you can pick those up at the store. We are redoing the website, so I don't know if they're up yet. But if you want to get your copy and you don't see it, they're $25.

Just email us at academyatstrivingforeturning .org, and we'll make sure that you get a copy of that.

Again, no class, no live class for the next couple of weeks, next two weeks, just so you know that, all right?

Also, I want to say Ohio Fire registration's open. We'll be doing Ohio Fire, this in 2015, the second weekend in April.

You can go to ohiofire .org, get all the information there. What you're going to see there is that we're going to be working with CARM, Matt Slick, Ken Cook from CARM, myself will be the speakers.

We're teaming up. We're going to be doing a lot of ministry together. Really excited. We're going to be talking about discipleship.

I will be going through, between Ohio, Jersey, and NorCal Fire, I'm going to be doing a set of teachings that are going to be thematic through the characteristics of a disciple and the characteristics of a discipler.

So that's what I will be covering. And this week, as a person to encourage, and since we're going to have three weeks off, we're going to give you a couple people to encourage.

For some of you, it's going to be a couple, but your pastors. Every week, we want you to encourage different people.

If you have multiple pastors in your church, then over the next couple weeks, encourage each of your pastors.

If not, just use all three weeks to encourage your pastor. Pastors need encouragement.

If your pastor is faithfully proclaiming the Word of God to you, encourage him.

I don't know who your pastor is, but on the Facebook page, many of us do like to encourage the people publicly.

So what I'm going to encourage you to do is, if your pastor is on Facebook, then tag him on the Facebook group, the

Striving Fraternity Facebook group, and encourage him publicly if that's what you want to do. But encourage him in many different forms throughout the weeks until we have the next class.

Until the next class, we want to encourage you to strive to make today an eternal day for the glory of God.