WORSE than Last Time! #TikTok ADVICE for Men | Pastor Reacts

The Danger of Self-Focused Dating Advice

Focus on yourself until the focus is on you.

If you make the focus on yourself in marriage, guess what? You'll absolutely get divorced.

When a man likes a woman more than she likes him, he becomes emasculated.

So let me get this straight. Is the lesson here that men should not like women all that much?

Keep working hard. Increase your value as a man. Wait till you are the man and she's just now some chick. Then you win. That's the only way to get revenge.

That's some manby pamby first grader on the playground toddler kind of logic. You pinch me so I'll pull your pigtails, right?

You have to get obsessed with leveling up, obsessed with getting stronger, getting leaner, looking better.

It's as if they went to the same bro convention and came out with the same talking points. Who knew that TikTok advice for men was such a big thing? I guess I'm late to the game on this one, but man, is there a bunch of junk out there passing off as sage advice?

Christ at the Center of Marriage and Human Purpose

Is TikTok advice for men truly going to set them up to be fully satisfied? Or is this just more of the same garbage that ultimately leads straight to hell? We're about to find out. First, welcome the wise disciple.

My name is Nate and I am a man helping you become the effective Christian that you were meant to be. That includes understanding what the Bible has to say about being a man, especially right now in today's kind of culture.

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Weak men focus on women. Women focus on strong men. Strong men focus on their mission. So focus on yourself until the focus is on you.

It sounded good. It started off well, and then he lost me in the last couple of seconds, right? Let's see that one more time.

Weak men focus on women. Women focus on strong men. Strong men focus on their mission. So focus on yourself until the focus is on you.

Yeah, it's like a cheeseburger where you bite into it and you realize that the meat is actually tofu. Look, what should men focus on? If you're a Christian, or you're starting to realize that Christianity is the truth, by the way, I'm glad you're here.

This means that everything should be interpreted within that framework.

Amen.

But what does that look like for men who want to get out there and date and eventually get married? By the way, I used to get this question a lot as a young adults pastor. I did that for a number of years, and a lot of the young men were looking for wives.

They had love to give, and they wanted to give it to the right woman. How do you navigate that as a Christian man in today's culture, right? This TikToker starts off well. If I'm understanding what he's saying, you know, he starts off well.

He doesn't explain fully like what he means, right? Like, you know, putting the focus on women there at the very beginning. But here's how a Christian can agree with what he just said, okay? A Christian could say, don't make your ultimate focus about the person you want to date and marry.

Put the focus on what marriage is really supposed to be, which is Christ. This is Ephesians 5 .25. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Paul goes on to draw very clear parallels between the relationship of a husband and a wife to the relationship of Christ and the church.

Why is there this parallel? Well, because marriages at base are designed to help you fulfill the whole reason that you exist. By the way, I'm not saying that everyone has to get married, okay? You can fulfill your purpose, whether you get married or not.

Why?

Well, because the whole reason that you exist is to know God in relationship. And out of the overflow of this intimate relationship with God, everything else follows. That's why I've said many times on this channel, marriage speaks theology.

There is a much deeper purpose behind two people getting together and deciding to covenant with each other for life. So when you date someone to be a potential spouse, what you should be focusing on is whether or not they know and love God.

Whether or not God is at the center of their life and whether or not they understand and appreciate that in marriage, God still must be at the core, still must be at the center.

Why?

Well, because that's what marriage is really about. When two people decide to get married, what they're saying is, I want to love God with you. You know, I want to walk alongside you and I want to do that together while we both love God.

And out of the overflow of our love for God, we will love each other the way that we're supposed to. And out of the overflow of our love for each other, children will come. And out of that overflow, our family will bless other peoples and other families.

All of it is an outworking of what is supposed to be fundamental at the very core of marriage, which is God. By the way, that's why people get divorced so much. It's because they don't understand what marriage is.

So, you know, this guy starts off well. Don't make the ultimate focus about the woman or the man, right? Make it about the Lord. But then he ends with, make the focus on yourself.

Oops.

Satisfaction in God Alone

If you make the focus on yourself in marriage, guess what? You'll absolutely get divorced.

When a man likes a woman more than she likes him, he becomes emasculated. He loses his masculinity to pleaser. He becomes a people pleaser. He'll bend over backwards. And in his desperate attempt to keep her, he loses the attraction even more so.

So when it's that way around, gone are the days where girls will appreciate that. Instead, they will actually use that as like, they use that man as a punching bag.

So let me get this straight. Is the lesson here that men should not like women all that much? That actually when a man likes a woman too much, by the way, how much is too much, right? She says more than the woman likes him back.

Okay, well, how are you supposed to know that? We don't know, right? That wasn't defined. Is it when a man writes a thoughtful card, expressing his gratitude and his feelings towards the person that he cares about?

Is there a limit to how many times a man should do that in a year? Is it when he pays for things? Is there too many things to pay for? Where's the line for that? Is it something else? Like, what does it mean to like a woman more than she likes him?

If what this woman means is something similar to the first video, which is basically don't put the ultimate focus on the person you're dating, then I think she's actually onto something, but then what's the solution?

Is there a solution to put the focus on God or is there a solution to merely stop liking so much? Because those two things are drastically different. The first solution opens up your heart to be fully satisfied in God and to live your life the way that you were meant to.

And again, I mean, that can be achieved whether you're single or you're married. By the way, let me say that again to the back row, okay? Because I think somebody needs to hear this. You can be fully satisfied in your life as a single person as long as you are fully satisfied in God.

As a matter of fact, that's what God wants for you in the first place.

Look at this.

Psalm 107 .9 says this, For God satisfies the longing soul. And the hungry soul he fills with good things. By the way, I pulled up my trusty Logos Bible software to read the Bible on YouTube. Logos is such a wonderful tool for the serious student of God's word.

It's what I use every single morning when I study the Bible. I highly recommend Logos to you. Logos has actually partnered with me and are offering some great discounts and raises for you. You should go check them out.

Logos .com forward slash wise disciple for more. But look at this. God satisfies the longing soul. And the hungry soul he fills with good things. Notice the soul is fully satisfied by God. But wait a second.

What does God satisfy the human soul with? This is Psalm 16 verse 11. You make known to me the path of life. In your presence, there is fullness of joy. In your presence, there is fullness of joy. At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

The answer to the question is himself. The soul is fully satisfied by God because God and God alone is able to give our souls full satisfaction. The problem is when we believe the lie that other things beside God will give us the satisfaction that we're looking for.

Other things or other people. Nothing else can do this, friends. This is why the Apostle Paul says this Philippians 4. Not that I am speaking of being a need. I have learned in whatever situation I am in to be content.

I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound in any and every circumstance. I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through who? The Lord.

Who strengthens me. You can be content as a single person. You can be fully satisfied already. As someone who desires to, you know, get out there and do something great and make big moves in this life.

As someone who desires to give your love to someone else and have someone love you back in some kind of relationship. Even as someone who desires to make your body healthy, lift weights, get stronger than last time, right?

Whatever the things are that these TikTokers are talking about. All of those things are good things, by the way. So don't misunderstand me. But when you think that they are the ultimate things that will satisfy the longing of your heart, that's when you set yourself up for further disappointment.

Only God can do that. As a matter of fact, imagine being someone who is already fully satisfied in God. And then you go to date and then you go to get married. Do you see how a lot of these potential issues that these TikTokers are trying to solve wouldn't even exist if that were the case?

And a man likes a woman more than she likes him. He becomes emasculated. He loses his masculinity to please her. He becomes a people pleaser. He'll bend over backwards. And in his desperate attempt to keep her, he loses the attraction even more so.

So when it's that way around, gone are the days where girls will appreciate that. Instead, they will actually use that as like they use that man as a punching bag.

So the right girls will be attracted to the type of man who puts God first and seeks to obey him and him alone. The right girls will be attracted to the type of man who knows what God's calling is on his life and is seeking to go after it.

This kind of man will set boundaries around dating probably without even noticing or thinking.

Why?

Because he loves and respects the Lord first and foremost. And because he loves God, all of these other wonderful things are going to happen. That means that he also will love and respect not only his potential wife, but her family as well.

That's what's going to attract the right kind of girls. So what does that mean? Well, it means number one, know God and delight in him. Young men, middle-aged men, old men, married, not married. I'm talking to all of you.

Psalm 37 says, delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. In other words, you will be fully satisfied if you number one, know God and delight in him. That's God's promise to you.

And number two, know what God wants you to do and how you, how will that happen? How will you know that? Read his word, read what God is telling you in his word, understand his desire for you. And you'll start figuring out what you're supposed to do uniquely in this life.

If you do these two things alone, although don't get me wrong, there's a lot more to say about all of this. You will already be the best potential husband and father that you could ever be for a woman.

See, I hope you can appreciate this, but the answer to like multiple types of questions is the same in God's eyes for the question about what it looks like to be a man. It's the same answer for what it looks like to fulfill your purpose as a human being.

Know God, fulfill your calling, do everything else out of the overflow of those two things. And you end up fulfilling multiple roles.

Forgiveness, Slavery, and the Snare of Revenge

Every time I've heard anyone say, oh, my ex broke up with me. She cheated on me. I need revenge. I need revenge. That's, that's, that's sick minded. That's, that's incel level. The only kind of revenge that you can get on a woman is this ever say goodbye.

Politely keep working hard, increase your value as a man. Wait three years, four years, six years, 11 years. And you know, this story, the 11 year story and wait till you are the man. And she's just now some chick, 28, 29.

And she's like, Tristan, you know, it should have always been you. Then you can either tell her no or break her heart again. Then you win. That's the only way to get revenge.

Oh my gosh. Do you see what I'm saying, friends? Do you see how ultimately all of this just puts the focus on you? I said this in the previous video. Look at how the values of these people are revealed in what they say.

God is nowhere to be found in this kind of advice. But it's the same type of advice that all the other TikTokers are giving, right? Level up, build your own kingdom, build your own reputation, make money, hit the gym, right?

Only this time do it so that you can go back to the woman who broke your heart and break her heart now. What's that? I mean, that's, that's some mamby pamby first grader on the playground toddler kind of logic.

You pinched me, so I'll pull your pigtails, right? Meanwhile, no thought is given to what unforgiveness like that does to your heart and to your soul, how it eats away at you and becomes a poison inside of you.

And don't miss this. No thought is given to the fact that unforgiveness is slavery, actually.

Look at this.

This is John 8, 34. Jesus answered them. Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. Everyone who practices sin is a slave. The Bible teaches that unforgiveness is not only a sin, it's an opportunity for the devil.

Look at this.

2 Corinthians 2, verse 10. Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, so that, here it is, we would not be outwitted by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his design.

In other words, unforgiveness is an opportunity for Satan to manipulate and to enslave you. That's what this man's advice will do. It will make you a slave. And everyone who knows what it truly means to forgive a person, right, I'm talking about this, you know, like, forgiveness the way that God commands it, you know what I'm saying here.

There is freedom in forgiveness. There is freedom in letting go of that burden, right, of unforgiveness. There is freedom in obeying the Lord. All the rest of this stuff leads to further slavery.

If a guy goes through a breakup, and I get these questions a lot, oh my God, I got broken up with, I'm crushed. Well, I kind of tell them, like, here's a few things to do, okay. Like, if the girl broke up with you, she does not want to be with you anymore, then one, you need to cut off attention, okay.

You got to withdraw your attention. Because as long as you're giving her attention when she doesn't want you, your value drops in the chance of ever getting back with her, if that's when you want. Maybe you don't want to, doesn't matter.

But your value is dropping like a sack of potatoes. So one, you have to withdraw attention. Secondly, you have to get obsessed with leveling up, obsessed with getting stronger, getting leaner, looking better.

They all have the same talking points. It's amazing. It's as if they went to the same bro convention and came out with the same talking points.

Obsessed with improving yourself socially, improving yourself from a professional standpoint, with your business, your career. Get obsessed, dressing better, improving your offer. And then, you know, if you do those two things, oftentimes that girl that broke up with you will start, you know, she'll start like hitting you up.

This is the same thing as the previous video, right? Become obsessed with all the things that cannot truly satisfy you. And that's how you're going to heal, guys. But wait a second, all of these obsessions, if they do not go the right way, right?

They will cause you to spin out into further and further heartache. Everything that he just said is a roll of the dice. I should know because I used to deal cards on the strip, on the Las Vegas strip.

I know a little bit about it. What happens though, for example, when, what did he say? Leveling up doesn't work, right? What happens if you can't lose the weight and get stronger? What happens if you take a risk on an investment and it doesn't pan out?

What happens if the business starts to fail and then continues to fail to the point of no return? And here's the worst part that nobody tells you. What if the other side of it becomes true for you? Like what happens when you do achieve everything you went after and you still feel just as empty as you did before?

This is not the way friends. If you want to truly heal, you need to return to the purpose for why you exist. It's an existential issue. That's why you feel the way you do. This is not a dating issue. As a matter of fact, the reason that you are in pain is because you have strayed from your purpose.

Your purpose, hear me again, friends, is to know the one who created you. Your purpose is to spend time with God where the focus is on God and let him take priority over everything else in your life. This is the source of satisfaction, of joy and of peace.

It's the Lord. Isaiah 26 says this, verse 3, you keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is what? Stayed on you. Because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever. For the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

The Lord is the source of your satisfaction and your peace. If you keep your mind focused on him, not on dating, not on marriage, not on money, not on your looks, not on leveling up. When those things become your God, you'll never be satisfied.

I promise you. And some of you watching already know this because you've tried going down this path. You've listened to some of these people before and you are not satisfied. Know God, my friends. Delight in God.

Get into his word. Read his word every single day. Surround yourself with brothers and sisters who can help you know God's word on a deeper level. Make these pursuits your first priority. And not only will you be fully satisfied, all of the other things that you need will be added to you.

That's not my promise. That's Jesus' promise to you. And you can take it straight to the bank.

Amen.

Look,.

Final Exhortation to Seek Christ Above Success

These successful TikTokers, they need Jesus just as much as anyone else. So let's also take a moment for them. Let's pray for them. They too can be truly satisfied if they forsake all to follow after Jesus.

So let's not forget about them in our prayers. All right, now it's your turn to weigh in. What do you think about this kind of TikTok advice? Is it enough to simply look good and be successful? Or is all of this just a recipe for further disappointment?

Let me know in the comments below. I'd love to get your thoughts on this. Hey, you should definitely join the Patreon community. You can read the Bible with me. You can watch these videos before they make it to YouTube.

I actually make these videos based on your support. So I'm truly grateful for all of the people who have jumped over to the Patreon and have done that very thing. But hey, part of that comes with some perks.

You can join me for exclusive live streams, get exclusive trainings, chat with me one-on-one. The link for the Patreon is below. I will return soon with more videos. And in the meantime, I'll say bye for now.