The Good Gift of Marriage (Part 2)

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No Compromise Radio Thanks for tuning in to No Compromise Radio with pastor and author,

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Dr. Mike Abendroth. Today on No Compromise Radio, we'll be hearing Pastor Mike open the

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Word of God in a recent message he preached at Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston, Massachusetts.

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Now let's join Pastor Mike in progress as he preaches through the Scriptures, verse by verse with no compromise.

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I read about a professor of politics at Princeton several years ago and it says that this particular person said, both men and women who divorce are more likely to succumb to substance abuse.

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Kids who are separated or divorced are 4 .5 times more likely to become alcohol dependent than comparable married persons.

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The divorce escalated mortality and illness rates are not just an American phenomenon. Taiwan, Sweden, Canada, and Germany, divorce men had the highest death rates, higher even than unmarried single widowed men.

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Children over divorce have an increased likelihood of dropping out of school, having emotional problems, engaging in precocious sexuality, getting hooked on alcohol or drugs, procreating out of wedlock, slipping economically below the poverty line, committing suicide, and last but not least, getting divorced.

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And that's from a secular writer, let alone having the glory of God displayed in a husband loving a wife destroyed.

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I like Kleinbell's advice a lot better. When a man that he heard overheard say this when asked by a reporter, you've been married 50 years, did you ever consider divorce?

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Never divorce. Murder many times, but never divorce. Somebody else had heard that.

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Let's go back to 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Jesus said that this is

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God's institution. Now soon we're going to come up to a passage in the same passage here that if you've got an unbelieving spouse and they leave, you let them leave.

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For right now we're just working through the text and now he deals with four directives here in verse 10 and 11.

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He says three of these to the ladies and one to the man. And I think addressing the women first, they were the ones having a hard time keeping their married

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Christian spouse who had immoral background. And so he says in chapter 7 verse 10 to the marriage,

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I give this charge, I bet the Lord, here's the first directive, the wife should not separate from her husband.

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This is a synonym for divorce. This is not separate. I'm going to live down the street. This is divorce, leaving, divorcing.

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In the Roman Greco culture, it's the exact same thing. Divorce by separation, very, very common.

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Matter of fact, it was uncommon to have the opposite. One scholar said uncommon are marriages which last so long, brought to an end by death, not broken apart by divorce, for it was our happy lot that it should be prolonged to the 41st year without estrangement.

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That scholar was quoting someone in the first century that said, we've made it to the 41st year, we're different than most people by the grace of God.

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Leaving, separating, divorce, it's all the same. He gives another directive.

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Do you see it there as we continue? But if she in fact leaves, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.

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So first if she does, she should remain unmarried. So two Christian people, there's going to be a divorce.

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Divorce, her first option is to remain unmarried, shouldn't have serial adultery going on through the sacrament of divorce, and then he gives a third directive, or else be reconciled to her husband.

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Whatever motivation you have, ladies at Corinth and maybe in Bethlehem Bible Church, you shouldn't use the motivation for divorce to get hooked up with somebody else.

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In other words, you say, well I don't really like this guy, I would like to be married, and so I'm going to drive this thing to divorce so then

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I can be with the other person. Paul says no. Or be reconciled, that's wonderful when couples can be reconciled.

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It's the grace of God even in unbelievers' lives. My father was 29, I was 29 years old, he was 55, laying on his deathbed and I began to just talk to him about life and I said to my,

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I said, dad, why didn't you and mom ever have an anniversary? He's months away from his death and he looked at me and he said, which one?

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And I began to think, no wonder my mom's mom, grandma, didn't like dad.

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Because dad married my mom and then divorced my mom and then they saw each other at a party and then

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I was conceived and then they got remarried again. And I can look at that common grace in the life of two people who weren't even born again.

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So there's grace. But here Paul gives these directives and look at he says the same thing to the husband.

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And let not the husband divorce the wife. Why? Why stay married? One, God says so.

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God says so. Henry Ford, 50th wedding anniversary, how do you have marital bliss?

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Henry Ford, just the same as in the automobile, stick to one model. That's good to stay married because God says so, but that's not the best.

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It's good to stay married because of your vows. There's a reason by the way, when you give your vows and you say for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

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Before everybody here, till death do us part. There's a reason why you say that and so you should keep your vows.

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That's a reason to stay married, but that's not the main reason. Just stay married for your kid's sake, that's important, but that's not the main reason.

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The main reason you stay married is for the glory of Christ Jesus. Turn to Ephesians chapter 5 if you would.

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The glory of Christ Jesus. If God isn't glorified, I don't care if you're happy.

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I want you to glorify God and then have holiness and then have as a result happiness.

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But here's what Paul does. By the way, if your marriage is struggling, let me give you some advice. Here's the marriage advice you need.

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You need the doctrine of the atonement. You need the cross. When Paul says you've got a struggling couple in marriage, here's what you need.

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You don't need a romantic getaway, although I like romantic getaways. You don't need that primarily. You don't need to figure out your wife's love language.

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I think that's a bunch of malarkey. And Kim used to tell me, my love language is receiving gifts. I said, yeah, figures.

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Figures. Why couldn't you get the inexpensive one? No, it's not all that.

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It's not the love language issue. It's what about the cross? Because here's the thing

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Paul's going to say in Ephesians 5. God didn't say, well, here's the cross.

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And you know what? That kind of reminds me of marriage. Paul said this.

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In the eternal foreordination of God's plan, when Jesus was going to be crucified, God knew that in eternity past, and he first had the priority of Jesus loving the church.

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And then he said, you know what would be a good representation of that on earth? Christ loving the church on earth is going to be a husband who loves his wife.

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And if you get divorced, here's the doctrine you're telling everybody, including yourself. If you're the husband getting divorced, sinful divorce, we're going to get to biblical divorces in a minute.

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A sinful divorce is going to be, I'm the husband, I don't love the church.

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That's the wrong view of the atonement. And if you're the wife sinfully divorcing the husband, you're saying this,

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I do not believe in the P of TULIP. I do not believe in the perseverance of the saints.

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I do not believe in eternal security. I don't believe in once saved, always saved. As long as I'm getting my need meter worked on and I'm getting my felt needs met, then we're fine.

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And so look at here in Ephesians chapter 5. If you need help in your marriage, you need to go back to the cross.

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I read about feminists calling marriage is domestic captivity. No, marriage is a picture of the cross.

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Lloyd -Jones says, how many of us have realized that we are always to think of the married state in terms of the doctrine of the atonement?

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Is that our customary way of thinking of marriage? Where do we find the books that have to say that about marriage?

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John Gerstner said, this passage, Ephesians 5, suggests not merely that God uses marriage as an excellent illustration of the union between Christ and the church.

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More than that, it suggests that God created the marriage institution especially to be illustrated of the

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Christian mystery. Look at chapter 5, verse 25 of Ephesians, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

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Husbands who divorce unbiblically are denying substitutionary atonement, that he might sanctify her, verse 26, having cleansed her by the washing of water by the word, that he might present the church to himself in all splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and blameless.

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What's he talking about? Verse 28, in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

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He loves his wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, tied back in again, just as Christ does the church.

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And if there's an unbiblical divorce, the megaphone to the world is Jesus doesn't love the church,

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Jesus doesn't nourish the church, Jesus doesn't cherish the church. Verse 31, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.

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Two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

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However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

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Brian Chappell said, he has a little wall hanging in the house where each lives for the other and all live for God.

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Westminster Catechism, what's the chief end of man? Glorify God and enjoy Him forever. What's the chief end of marriage?

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Happiness, fulfillment. The chief end of marriage is to glorify

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God and to enjoy Him forever. Wilson said, the reason we are miserable in our marriage is because we have idolized them.

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But the glory of God is more important than our domestic happiness. When a husband seeks to glorify God at his home, he will be equipped to love his wife as he has commanded.

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If he loves his wife as commanded, the aroma of his home will be pleasant indeed. Dare I say we don't need more how -to books on marriage?

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How to have a fulfilled marriage? How about how can our marriage bring glory to God?

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And it's going to bring no glory to God if we split up as a

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Christian family. Listen to what

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Deffenbaugh said, the marriage manuals seem to equate loving your wife with making her happy. We should seek to please our mate,

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Romans 15 .1, but our ultimate goal is to contribute to her purity and godliness. This may require decisions and actions which are not welcomed and are certainly not warm and fuzzy.

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Back to 1 Corinthians, the second strand of rebar. The first strand was if you're a Christian and you're married, stay married.

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Why? For the glory of Christ Jesus, the one who bought you. Secondly, if we see what

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Paul says, if you're a Christian and married to an unbeliever, don't divorce your spouse if they want to stay married to you, verses 12 to 14.

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Don't divorce your spouse if they want to stay married to you. And by the way, number three is going to be if you're a Christian and your unbelieving spouse wants out, let them go.

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It's a command. But right now, let's focus in on 12 to 14. If you're a Christian, number one, married to a

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Christian, no divorce. If you're a Christian married to an unbeliever, I want you to not get divorced if they want to stay.

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If they want to stay. Let's read verses 12 to 14. To the rest, I say,

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I, not the Lord. In other words, Jesus didn't say anything about this. We have no scriptures about this.

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It's still God's word. It's still apostolic authority. Jesus is still the sent out one.

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But these aren't the red letter words, as it were. These aren't Jesus's quotes. Paul says,

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I, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.

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If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

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For the unbelieving husband is, NAS is better here, sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through the believing husband.

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For otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

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The pagans would say, Christians, you get involved in dabbling in Christianity and it destroys the fabric of a marriage.

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It destroys marriages because what happens is, then one becomes a Christian and it tears down society because of their faith.

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Paul says, you know, if you've got an unbelieving spouse, they want to live with you as a married couple, then you ought not to divorce.

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People are saying, you know what, if my husband is unbeliever, could he be defiling me?

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I'm a Christian. I ought not to be unequally yoked.

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Is there a problem there? And here's what Paul is going to say, that your godliness more influences him than his ungodliness influences you.

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And you better believe it because then Paul is going to take the knife out for the coup de grace and say, that's exactly what happens with your kids.

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If you've got an unbelieving husband and you're the believing wife, what about your kids?

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Are they unholy too? And Paul's going to say, of course they're not unholy. Nobody would say your kids are unholy.

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And then Paul's going to say, but by the way, isn't the marriage bed even a closer relationship than parents to children?

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So let's take a look at this a little bit. Very interesting. If you're a Christian person today here and you're married to an unbeliever and they want to stay with you, you may not divorce them.

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You must not divorce them. What's he say? If a brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, she consents to live with him, he should not to divorce them.

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Now you shouldn't marry an unbeliever, but this is a person who is an unbeliever, married to an unbeliever, then one gets saved.

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It's a mixed marriage. The couple should stay together. Listen to Plutarch, advice to the bride and groom,

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A .D. 140. A wife ought not to make friends of her own, but to enjoy her husband's friends in common with him.

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The gods are the first and most important friends, wherefore it is becoming for a wife to worship and to know only the gods that her husband believes in, and to shut the front door tight upon all queer rituals and outlandish superstitions.

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For with no god do stealthy and secret rites performed by the woman find any favor. In other words, if you're married back in those days and your husband, the unbeliever, worships these weird queer gods, you were supposed to worship them too.

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You were the wife, you worship them. You move to Moab and you say, well,

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I have to worship the Moab god. But here we have only one god, the God of Israel, and so what do you do?

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You're not supposed to worship them, but he says, you know what, you're still a great lady and you're a

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Christian, you don't have to worship my gods, but I still want to keep you around, then stay. Any woman has verse 13, a husband who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, she should not divorce him.

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It's mutuality. This is equal rights. This is both, these are both image bearers.

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I will say now, and I'll say it in a few minutes, I think, if you're married to an unbeliever, I think it is mandated for you to be such a wife or such a husband that your spouse would never want to divorce you for any reason except for your

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Christian faith. Christians should be better husbands, better wives, better supporters, better friends.

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But there is that one elephant in the room for Christianity that you cannot deny. But before I talk about that, back to verse 14, what about the kids?

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If my unbelieving spouse is defiled before God, are my kids defiled too? No. The unbelieving husband is made holy.

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What does that mean? He's a Christian? So here's the new dating strategy. Find an unbeliever, get married to him, and he's made holy.

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Mission accomplished. No, what does he mean? What does Paul mean? He doesn't mean that. He doesn't mean if you marry an unbeliever, they're a

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Christian. But he does mean that there is a, not guilt by association, but a good love by association, spillover blessings, prayers, goodness of God coming into that household because of that one woman or that one husband, and God blessing and blessing.

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Does God bless Christians? He blesses them abundantly beyond what we could ask or think, and sometimes there's a spillover benefit to that unbelieving person and the kids.

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Doesn't mean salvation. Otherwise, look, the spouse wouldn't be called the unbelieving husband.

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What's verse 14 says? For the unbelieving husband. If the unbelieving husband is made, saved by the believing wife, then he wouldn't be saying the unbelieving husband here, would he?

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He'd be saying, no, the believing husband is made holy because of her marriage. It's a spillover influence.

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Calvin said, for the godliness of one does more to sanctify the marriage than the ungodliness of the other to make it unclean.

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That's wonderful. If you're married to an unbeliever, that is good news. Grace greater than all my spouse's sins.

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How about that for a soul? Holy by association. You don't get dirty from an unsafe spouse.

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They have an influence. They have common grace that you receive love grace.

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You receive a special elect love grace, and they receive the spillover of common grace. True or false?

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When Jesus touched unclean people, he became unclean. False. When he touched a leper, they became clean.

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The clean takes priority over the dirty. Now, you can't use this for I'm going to marry an unbeliever.

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This is in the context of marriage, a God -ordained thing. You say, well, I'm going to sleep with a prostitute and make them clean.

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No, that's not a divinely decreed institution or organization or anything.

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That's sinful. That's sinful thinking. But in the divinely created thing called marriage, the clean wins out over the unclean to influence, to help, to sanctify, to set them apart.

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Otherwise, look at the text, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

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Here's a syllogism. Holy children are produced by holy marriages. Mixed marriages produce holy children.

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Mixed marriages are therefore holy marriages. Holy marriages should be maintained. Mixed marriages are holy marriages.

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Mixed marriages therefore should be maintained. And then lastly, number three, found in verses 15 and 16, if you're a

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Christian or married to an unbeliever, do not stop your spouse from divorcing you if they won out because of your faith.

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Third strand of rebar. If you're a Christian and you're married to an unbeliever, do not stop your spouse from divorcing you if they won out because of your faith.

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If they won out because you're a louse, because you're sinful, because you're all kinds of other things, that's not what

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Paul is talking about here. This is the only time that I can think of in the New Testament church where, in the

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New Testament churches, marriage is commanded, excuse me, divorce is commanded. There are two reasons for divorce, immorality that's not discussed here, and an unbelieving spouse leaves.

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Let's read the verses. Verse 15, but if the unbelieving partner separates, divorces, this is not geographic, this is a divorce.

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Let it be so. In such cases, a brother or sister is not enslaved, God has called you to peace.

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For how do you know, wife, whether you'll save your husband? How do you know you'll be the instrument of salvation?

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You don't. God's sovereign, not you. How do you know, husband, whether you'll save your wife?

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So now here it is, the lady or the man is married to an unbeliever, the unbeliever says, I like everything about you, but this whole

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Christianity thing, I can't go for, and you say, don't go, don't go, don't go, maybe you say don't go because of the kids, fine, don't go because God hates divorce, fine, but don't go because I think if I keep you around long enough,

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I'll preach the gospel to you and you'll get saved. Paul says, this lies beyond your control.

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You're called to peace, not discord, you have a believer and an unbeliever in the household and they fight about the faith, there's not peace in the house, there's not conquered in the house.

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The Pillar of Commentary says, unfortunately, new converts also need to be warned about the subconscious temptation to start a life over and find a believing spouse by locking out their unbelieving spouse and completely immersing themselves in their new

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Christian world to the point that their spouse feels completely abandoned and estranged from them, finally gives up and divorces a believer.

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The unbelieving spouse of a Christian ought to find in them a model of self -sacrificing love that is even more committed to the health of the marriage and to blessing their spouse than ever before, such that only a radical prejudice against Christianity could explain their unwillingness to continue in the marriage.

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Paul said to the Romans, if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at what? Peace with everyone.

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You're not God, I'm not God, we're not under obligation to stop them, because if we were, then we might be tempted to say we're going to give up our faith, we're going to give up following Christ, it's impossible to lose your salvation, but you could be tempted,

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I love this person so much, don't leave him, and I'll even give up Christianity. Don't have marriage exist only for evangelism.

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The only other reason that you could get divorced biblically would be because of sexual immorality on the behalf of your spouse.

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And mark it well, here's an easy algebraic equation. If you've been divorced biblically, a spouse leaves you that's an unbeliever because of your faith, or because of immorality, a biblical divorce means you can get remarried again biblically.

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That is to say to a believer, if you have an unbiblical divorce, no remarriage.

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Biblical divorce, wife leaves because of my faith, or because of her adultery,

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I may get married. Now, right now you're probably saying, yeah, but what about all this stuff before I got saved?

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All these divorces and remarriages and everything else, what do I do about that? You come back next week is what you do.

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I am so glad God is a forgiving God. He majors on forgiveness. I acknowledge my sin to thee and my iniquity

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I did not hide. I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and you did forgive me the guilt of my sin.

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Lord, you're good and ready to forgive and abundant in loving kindness to all who call upon thee.

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If you've had a sinful divorce, if you've had a sinful marriage, if you've had sinful remarriage, we'll talk next week and I want to remind you that God is a forgiving good

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God. No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Abendroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.

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Bethlehem Bible Church is a Bible teaching church firmly committed to unleashing the life -transforming power of God's Word through verse -by -verse exposition of the sacred text.

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Please come and join us. Our service times are Sunday morning at 1015 and in the evening at 6. We're right on Route 110 in West Boylston.

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You can check us out online at bbchurch .org or by phone at 508 -835 -3400.

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The thoughts and opinions expressed on No Compromise Radio do not necessarily reflect those of WVNE, its staff or management.