May 2024 Singles' Dinner

Silicon Valley Reformed Baptist Church iconSilicon Valley Reformed Baptist Church

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I put this bullet point in the wrong spot here. So I kind of alluded to what I actually meant to quote here.
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But, oh yeah, very nice verse. Bless those who curse you. Bless those who do not curse you. Rejoice with those who rejoice.
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Weep with those who weep. So we're encouraged by scripture to not only mourn our own losses, but also to mourn with other people their losses.
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So mourning is good. The shortest verse in the Bible is what Jesus himself said, okay?
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Jesus is one who mourned it. Okay, so mourning is good.
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So God has given us what it means. The desires that we mourn, the things that should be mourned. But this all needs to be guided by hope and self -control.
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First Thessalonians 4 .13 says, we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep.
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We do not grieve as others do and have no hope. Okay, so the world grieves as people who have no hope.
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They have no hope of resurrection. There's nothing off in the future that's going to correct this.
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There's no chance for either the person that they have lost to come back from the dead or themselves to come back from the dead.
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Okay, there's only gloomy despair. But the Christian, even if you've lost someone who didn't have that hope, you know that you will be together with Christ, together with all that.
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And it's just not becoming for a Christian to go. All right, consider, imagine if you met one of the
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CEOs of one of these big tech companies around here and you saw him and he was dressed like a homeless man and had behind his lens, you know, you would say, this is not very becoming of one of the world's wealthiest people, right?
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This is not becoming of a wealthy man. This is what it looks like when a Christian goes on boarding indefinitely. This is not becoming of a
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Christian. This is not becoming of someone who has the greatest hope in the world. Just like a wealthy person who has more money than almost anybody shouldn't live in a state of squandering for a man, it's not reasonable for someone who has the greatest hope in the world to live with someone who has no hope.
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And so consider what the Bible says about our duty toward contentment for excessive periods of time.
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And we'll talk about what excessive periods looks like in a minute. But one of the reasons why people mourn for excessive periods of time is because they believe that something else would be better.
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You know, God is sovereign. He has determined all things. The world is made for me. And we work all things together through good, good, and love.
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But a lot of people think often that they know better. And this trial is not actually good, but bad.
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The Bible says that you can try everything. James 1 .17, in the context of trials, says that every good and perfect gift from above coming from above is changing.
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Right, so God is one who isn't changing. He is one who is always good. And that includes even when we experience these differences, right?
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They're not experiences, differences to God. He's constantly unchanging. When we are experiencing a changing world, it's not heaven's changing.
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It's not his goodness in the gifts he's given us. If he gives us something that everyone can recognize as a blessing one minute and he gives us trial next, that doesn't mean that he's any less good or that what he's giving is any less good.
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But the reason why people mourn indefinitely is often because they struggle to realize that all his gifts are good, including trials.
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Job, his children, what does he end up saying?
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The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, the less he remains the Lord. He understands that everything from God's hand is good.
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Sovereignty keeps the power of grace from him. And then,
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Laura, you know I talked about self -control. God has given us a spirit. By the spirit,
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Bible talks about the fruit of the spirit being love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness.
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I think I missed the next thing. Faithfulness. Faithfulness. Faithfulness, gentleness, self -control.
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Yes. So God has given us self -control and there's no reason to be uncontrollable in the way that we grieve or mourn.
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So what does a healthy man that's been grieving for his life actually have this many days?
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But it does give us a few examples in Scripture and I think it's worth looking at those examples. Now, a lot of people would say, are those supposed to be prescriptive for us or are they just descriptive of what happens?
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A little of both, okay? There's that aren't necessarily telling us what's right and wrong.
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You know, you see Solomon have 1 ,000 wives. You know, does that mean that we should have 1 ,000 wives? Okay, that's not necessarily how you should be reading
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Scripture at the same time. First Corinthians 10 tells us that it was given as an example for us, right?
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That all the stories of the Old Testament were given as examples for us. So we are supposed to be reading these in ways that are guiding and instructing us.
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So if you see sets of periods of time that the Bible is describing as formative, putting in formative situations, then maybe it should, you know, direct us to think, well, maybe this can form or maybe the first one we'll look at is with Jacob.
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So this is the longest period of mourning we've seen in Scripture when Jacob died. It says, this is
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Genesis 50. Then Joseph fell on his father's face, his father being
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Jacob, and wept over him and kissed him. And Joseph commanded his servants, the physicians, to embalm his father.
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So the physicians embalmed Israel, Israel being another name for Jacob. 40 days were required for it.
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For that is how many are required for embalming. And the Egyptians wept over him 70 days.
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So this is extreme mourning. This is, you know, this is not just a king in Israel. This is
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Israel himself. And this is the longest period of mourning. So you have the Egyptians who all were very blessed by Joseph and his work there in Egypt mourning over Jacob for 70 days.
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Now the next length of time we have in Scripture is in Numbers 20 at the very end. We see
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Aaron's death. And when all the congregation saw that Aaron had perished, all the house of Israel wept for Aaron 30 days.
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Okay, so 30 days long. And then at the end of Deuteronomy, Moses dies.
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It says, and the people of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab 30 days. And the days of weeping and mourning for Moses were ended.
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And then the last one that I would like to read here is about Saul and his sons.
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It says, and they took their bones and buried them under the Tammarus tree in Jabesh and fasted seven days.
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So you have 70 days for Jacob. You have 30 days for Moses and Aaron.
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And then you have seven days for Saul. So what should this tell us about the length of time of mourning?
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Is 10 years a reasonable time of mourning? I think those would all tell us no.
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Is a year a reasonable time to be mourning such that it's crippled you and you're not able to go about your normal tasks?
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Now, I'm not saying that sadness won't continue, but you won't have fond memories that you wish you could be with whoever it is.
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But should these things keep you from being able to go about the tasks that you are supposed to go about for a year?
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I'd say no. Then we could ask about three months. Without three months, that's something where a lot of people would say, well, three months is totally reasonable.
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You look at these periods in Scripture, and this isn't keeping them from doing the things that they need to do for that long.
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70 days is the absolute longest time to have a year. And so I would encourage you to not think just culturally about how you see people mourned in a world where we kind of have the luxury to be unproductive for large periods of time, or not necessarily, we live in a world that's very soft right now, right?
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It wants to affirm, there's a lot of affirmation that's going around, very little desire to say harder things to people that might need to be said.
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So consider that as you're, as you consider what Scripture says about periods of time to mourn as you think, you know, while I may be sad for a long period of time, is it right for this to cripple me for so long?
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And it doesn't have to have that power in it, if you have the spirit, you have self -control. If you're in Christ, you do.
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And if you're in Christ, you have a perfect hope that shatters the hopelessness that would oppress someone in this world.
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What is the cure for all this? What is the cure for all this? Well, one of the cures, the
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Bible says, believe it or not, is marriage. One of the losses that we have in Genesis is the loss of Sarah, Abraham's wife.
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And at the end of this, you know, Isaac is very upset about this. At the end of all this, it says in Genesis 24, 67, that Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah, his mother.
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This is talking about Rebekah, his wife, that he's married her. Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah, his mother, and took
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Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
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Now, a lot of people are trying to comfort themselves by avoiding the pursuit of marriage, right?
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For long, long periods of time, that's how they're trying to comfort themselves. What's the comfort we see in Scripture? It's actually the pursuit of marriage.
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It's the exact opposite. People have turned it on its head. So what should you do if you want to be one?
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Actually, before I start going through that, let me just say that there is a time and season for everything.
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Ecclesiastes 3 .1 says, for everything, there is a season, and a time for every matter is a season.
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In verse four of Ecclesiastes 3, it says, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn. And how do you know what time it is?
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You need to be sensible to the Word of God and His Spirit, so you know what time it is. When is it a time to be stuck in the past?
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Ecclesiastes later on in chapter seven, verse 10 says, say not the time of the former days that are to be, for it is not the wisdom that you ask of me.
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Okay, so a lot of people want to linger in the past, but that's not wise to do so.
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So how do you move on? How do you move on from some kind of loss that is crippling you, that is keeping you from doing the tasks you need to do?
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The first one is that you need to develop that sense of hope and alert in your eyes based upon what is good, what you have in store for you in Jesus Christ, rather than what you have lost.
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So if you spend time in prayer in the Word of God, these things are helpful, not as magic houseman or anything like that, but because God has determined that the way we encourage is by continually reminding ourselves of the truth that is his hope, that turns us away from hope.
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Now also, he's given us various ways to, various things to do in our lives, various tasks in order to avoid the world around us.
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Ecclesiastes talks about this too, about how it's good for man to work and enjoy the fruit of his labor. So the tasks that God has given you, once again, if you want to avoid those in order to comfort yourselves, if you actually want to engage in the work of Jesus.
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Ephesians says, the reason
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I read that verse is because it gives us this dynamic between stopping to do something and then starting to do something else.
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And this is something you see throughout scripture. It talks about putting off the old man, putting, right?
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So putting off the old man is to stop excessive mourning. What do you mean to put on, and what do you do instead of excessive mourning?
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Well, the thief is supposed to not steal and is supposed to replace that activity with something else, right? Not just not steal, he's supposed to work hard so he's able to share with others.
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What should the excessive mourner do? Perhaps they should be thinking of ways to make them bring joy into people's lives.
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Maybe they should be thinking about how they could increase the joy of others as well as their own joy.
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And so, you know, if you find yourself stuck in a pit like that, do consider how you can not just dwell in your own, this is what council players will prescribe for people to focus on themselves, right?
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They're just overwhelmed by anxiety, they're overwhelmed by sorrow, they're overwhelmed by whatever it is. Once they stop thinking about themselves so much, a lot of that stuff clears up very nicely.
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This is the way that God has ordered it. As we look outside of ourselves, as we seek first the kingdom of God, all these other things are out to us.
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This is something worth, this is something worth pursuing. You know, whoever finds light finds a good thing.
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It is worth it to pursue. And consider also, the joy comes from Jesus Christ.
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And John 15, 11 says, these things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you.
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Jesus has spoken to us, he has given us his word. He has given us the ways of abiding in the world and we must uphold the shape of his ministry.
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What's the first miracle he does? He turns water into wine at a wedding, right?
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Because he is the joyful briber, the one who brings joy. The master of the feast ends up talking to the groom.
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Because this is the groom's responsibility. He says, you've saved us for last. So Jesus is positioning himself as the bridegroom.
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And then how does he provide joy to the church? New Testament, it is five, nine, two, nine, eight come together and that's what we long for.
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It comes from the ultimate marriage. And if that's the shape of the New Testament, Ephesians five tells us that we should understand marriage in light of the marriage between Christ and the church.
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How much more does that apply to our pursuits of marriage in this world? That joy is thinking rightly about marriage, thinking rightly about hope and in pursuing good things in God.
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So dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this people, thank you for the great joy that you've given us in Jesus Christ and we do long for that day.
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We pray that you would hasten the day that Christ returns and we ask that you would help us think rightly in this world about grief, about sorrow, about mourning and about marriage.
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In Jesus' name. Amen. So we've got some discussion questions as per usual.