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Sunnyside Baptist Church Michael Dirrim
God being our Father, before we start talking about how the Christian family relates. Keeping our focus on Christ. Now, verse 18 says, Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter towards them.
Verse 20, Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh.
Not with eye service as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you'll receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ.
But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a master in heaven. So, after talking about what true spiritual life is, what true holiness is, as a renewal into the image of the invisible God who is Jesus Christ, it is not keeping your box of do-nots, it is not getting into strange things like angel worship or mysticism and so on, but it is keeping our focus upon Christ who is at the right hand, and that this renewal is putting off the old man, but putting on the new man in Christ.
Therefore, here's what it looks like in the church, and here's what it looks like in the household. And a household, at this time, would consist of husband and wife, parents and children, and slaves. It's a very common structure for a household.
The Greek word for household is oikonomos, where we get our word economy from. Any idea of the economy or business was all completely encapsulated in the household. What is it that the man does? Is he a blacksmith?
Is he a farmer? What does he do? Does he make tents? What is his trade? He is not only teaching that to his sons, but he is incorporating the work of the slaves for the betterment of the business, you see.
Now, everything going on in the home, between husband and wife, and parents and children, and master and slaves, every single one of those relationships, every which way you count it, all six ways, all six directions, has to be done in light of the primary relationship that we read about in verse 17, doing all in the name of the Lord Jesus.
Oh, so there's seven relationships. How fitting. Every single time, it's our relationship to Christ that matters, that puts into perspective our relationship to everyone else, whether in the church or in the household.
And in particular, thinking about the wisdom and the rightness, the godliness of honoring father and mother, we see. Children, obey your parents. In all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Having that trajectory is something that parents are to teach their children what obedience looks like.
What is honoring father and mother look like? It's not simply trying to figure out the letter, not trying to figure out the letter of the law, trying to figure out what is sufficient, what's enough, but teaching them to aim past mom and dad's eyeballs, mom and dad's preferences, mom and dad's attention.
The honor would be ultimately unto Christ, because one day, these children are no longer going to be in your home. So teaching them to honor Christ through their obedience to you is latching them on to someone greater than you, someone who will be their shepherd providentially by God's grace in the future.
This is very much what echoes out of Ephesians 6. As you're reminded that this is right, this is good, that children obey their parents. Christ, who is the image of the invisible God, obviously honored his father, he honored his earthly parents.
He is the definition of what godliness is. Anything that is in the image of God is also what is godly. You think of what godliness is, what does that mean? It means being conformed to the image of God.
That's what is right, that is what is fitting. Christ himself is the standard as the fulfillment of the law, as the end of the law unto righteousness for all who believe. Now, by way of contrast, after hearing that how right it is that children honor their parents, that children obey their parents, let's consider something of a contrast.
Remember that the way that worked in the Old Covenant is if children did not honor their parents in the Old Covenant, well, in extreme cases, they could be put to death. But in terms of the covenant, it meant that it would not go well for the nation.
It would not go well for them, and they would have to end up forfeiting the land in which they lived. It's that knew not God, who would worship idols and so forth, and that God's covenant curses would assuredly come upon the nation, and that they would eventually lose their land.
So that would be the consequences of it. Now, let's think about the wisdom of that. So let's look over in Romans chapter 1. In Romans chapter 1, verses 18 through 32, we read about the wrath of God. And we know it's about the wrath of God, because that's how verse 18 starts.
For the wrath of God is revealed. The wrath of God is made manifest, shows up and is made clear in the following way, against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness.
And what truth did they suppress? The worthiness and the glory of God. Rather than worshiping the creator, they worship the creation, they become idolaters, they're wise in their own eyes, but yet they are fools.
And then what happens? How is the wrath of God manifested? How is the wrath of God shown? Where do we see the wrath of God upon those who suppress the truth, who deny their creator, and rather become infatuated and worship the creatures and the creation?
What happens?
Verse 24. Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness in the lust of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves. He gave them up to the uncleanness. You see, the uncleanness was there.
The desires for sin were there. In these depraved hearts, there is the desire to go after all manner of uncleanness, and perversion, and abomination, and apparently God, in His grace, restrains and restrains.
In His mercy, He restrains. But then in judgment, He removes the restraint. So that that which they were never able to indulge in and go after, suddenly the restraint is gone, and they plunge towards more sin.
That is an expression of the wrath of God. This is not a unique passage, as often God's judgment upon His own people of Israel was to give them that which they were clamoring for. A king like the other nations, that was a judgment upon them.
Or so much quail that it came out their nose. Whatever it was. Now look in verse 26. An echo of the expression in verse 24. For this reason God gave them up to vile passions, and then you see that these vile passions are described as sexual perversions.
But notice in the passions first, in the body second, both are the expression of the wrath of God that He would give them over to it. To give them over to it. Meaning that there's no more restraint against it, there's no more fight against it, but an embracing of it and an owning of it.
And then verse 28. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over. So you hear the pattern. God gave them up, God gave them up, God gave them over to a debased mind to do those things which are not fitting.
And a whole big long list follows. So there's all kinds of things which are not fitting. All kinds of things that are not in accordance to God's design for those made in His image. To love Him supremely and love each other rightly and steward the creation responsibly.
Here's a list that goes against that design. That which is not fit with God's design. Being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness.
They are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventor of evil things. What's the next thing? Disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful, who knowing the righteous judgment of God that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same, but also approve of those who practice them.
When was it that we began to see, in the expressions of our culture, in the arts and media and so on, a grand celebration of rebellion to parents? When was that like, oh, the hero is a rebel to authority?
Yeah.
Comes in cycles, doesn't it? You see expressions of it in the 20s, you see expressions of it in the 60s. What do we have in the 20s? We have the feminist revolution in the 60s, the sexual revolution. Every single time there's a need to press forward into more abomination.
What accompanies it is rebellion to parents, rebellion to parents, rebellion to parents.
Right?
And rebellion to parents is something that is, it's a heartbreak every time you hear about it, but it's almost something as, it's ubiquitous as divorce. Oh, it's just normal, right? But that's not normal to God.
He says that's not fitting. That's not fitting. So when we think about how it worked in the Old Covenant, that if you were, if you didn't honor father and mother, what would happen to the land, what would happen to the blessings and so on, we see that the wisdom of that is clear in every culture.
When I just read that whole list of things, how long will that kind of a culture proceed, survive, continue? You know, wildfires make an impact, but they go out eventually. No more. And what do they leave behind?
Not much.
So we see the importance of teaching our children to obey. Oh, that's hard work. That's hard work.
But,.
One more passage over encyclopedia. 2 Timothy 3 in verse 2.
Just real quickly.
It's the same thing as in Romans 1. Verse 2 says, Men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money. 2 Timothy 3, chapter 3, verse 2. Men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure, rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness, but denying its power, and from such people turn away.
So,.
Disobedient to parents is in the grocery cart of all kinds of cultural decay, all kinds of disaster for humanity. The snares of sin. So contrast there. When you read the blessings of Christ our King at the right hand of God, and having our attention upon him, and being delivered from the old man, being put on the new man, a renewal in Christ, in which there is no distinction, because we're all in Christ, and what it looks like, the life, the vibrant life and love that is present within the church family, and then present within the regular family, and then you contrast that to these lists.
It's just completely two different worlds. And obedience to parents, and honoring parents belongs definitively to one, and not to the other.
Now,.
Parents, if you teach your children to honor their father and mother, and you teach them to honor father and mother, honor father and mother, honor father and mother, and let's say by God's grace, this lesson takes hold, succeeds.
You know what they might end up doing later on in life? They might honor father and mother. What does that look like? Let's look over in Mark chapter 7, verses 9 through 13.
All right.
Jesus had just quoted Isaiah, saying that these people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. So, they say, well, we're following the regulations here. He's like, I don't want your regulations.
I want your heart. And so what does he give an example as? One of the examples he gives is in verse 9. He said to them, all too well you reject the commandment of God that you may keep your tradition.
For Moses said, honor your father and your mother, and he who curses father and mother, let him be put to death. But you say, if a man says to his father or mother, whatever prophet you might have received from me is Corban, that is a gift of God, then you no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother, making the word of God of no effect through your tradition, which you have handed down and many such things you do.
Jesus is pointing out at the first point that the Pharisees and the scribes who are claiming to be the followers of Moses, the defenders of the law, that they're the ones who are setting the example and Jesus himself is the one who is aberrant,.
You know,.
And people need to reject him because we really have a law understood. We really follow it. Jesus is pointing out that for all of their claims of following the law, of course, they don't. And they have found workarounds and ways to make it look like they're following the law, but they're actually not.
So Jesus is pointing out, you're saying you're doing the right thing, but you're not. Okay, and one of the things he brings up is a tradition wherein they're saying,.
Well,.
Honoring God is primary to honoring father and mother. So if the money I had set aside to take care of my parents in their time of need, in their old age,.
If I had,.
If I have dedicated that to God,.
God is more important than father and mother. Who could possibly complain about that truth? Therefore, I don't have that anymore to take care of father and mother. And Jesus uses this as an example of how they are actually not following the law.
When we think about the wisdom of what goes on here, the example of Christ on the cross, shedding his blood for the new covenant, he points to John, make sure that he's going to take care of Mary. We have all this example.
You know, if you teach your children to honor father and mother, when they get to, when you, later on in your life, they may will try to honor father and mother. Don't be surprised. What does that look like?
I think it looks like children taking care of parents all the more directly and thoroughly and fully as parents get older and cannot provide for themselves. That's what I think it looks like. And I think that this is something that we have not done a lot of good thinking about.
I think it's good examples in our church, but I think I'm talking about Christians in general. I think there has been a lot of teaching and discipleship lost in generations about this very fact. We're going to look at other pathogens.
First Timothy 5 in a moment.
What did it,.
What did it look like? What does it look like for for children to honor their parents in their time of need? Well, Jesus directly speaks against trying to spiritualize matters. To say,.
Well, I'm,.
I'm serving the Lord, so I can't really help you out. Jesus doesn't like that at all. And another parallel passage in another gospel, it says he was indignant, means he got angry. Okay, he got angry when they refused to bring the little children to him and got angry when children take care of their parents.
He also got angry when they defile the temple. So you can kind of see what makes Jesus angry. It's interesting, isn't it? What does it look like? Let me tell you what I'm doing, Beck and I are doing, okay?
We are trying to teach our children, generationally. We would, we would like to see our children's children, our grandchildren taking care of our children. You following? Now that's going to look different for each family in each situation.
But I do know the closer that the generations are together the better. Every time I hear of children taking care of their parents, I rejoice. That is, that is, that is honoring to God. Now, what does that look like?
It may look a little different from family to family. But you know, somehow because of economics, somehow because of the, because of the state economy, not the family economy, but the state economy, we have gotten the idea that a wise man takes his inheritance and he uses it for himself.
And his children's children will do the same.
I'm thankful that my grandfather didn't believe that. You know, he knew that a wise man leaves an inheritance to his children's children.
Wow.
So my brother and I and our cousin Emily are greatly blessed because of that. You know, and what does that mean? Okay, now I get to use this for me.
Nope.
Guess what? In God's grace, I'm going to have children's children. How am I living now for their good? How am I thinking generationally?
Because.
I want to be wise and I want to make sure to do whatever I can so that my children will be able to prosper and thrive as parents do. But then at some point, I'm not going to be able to provide for myself or I may be gone in heaven and Becca won't be able to provide for herself.
So what's the biblical wisdom there? The parents are to honor their, that the children are to honor their parents.
See?
But what if I'm old and I'm infirm? What if I can't do very much?
I guess I may have to humble myself. You know, I'm gonna have to humble myself, live in somebody else's house perhaps, go according to somebody else's schedule and turn my life into whatever I can do for my children and my children's children.
You know, it's just an example, but hopefully this lesson will land home for some of us. How does a wise man know how to help his children's children? What would be a really interesting thing to happen?
What if he was in the same home with his children's children for a little while or close by? I get to know exactly who they are and how to help them, right? What I'm trying to say is some of the things we read about in the Bible about how families supposed to work together, we've kind of just said, oh, well, that was back then.
Now we've got a modern economy. The Bible has not stopped being the Word of God,.
And by the way, just so we're clear, the things that the Lord was telling us through his apostles in the scriptures about the family, about how husbands and wives relate, that was not the way that culture worked.
Husbands barely looked at their wives. Very often, they're just going to give me an heir and then I'm going to get my thrills with other people elsewhere.
Okay?
Parents did not spend time with children and raise them up in the fear and the admonition of the Lord. They let the slaves do that.
Children did not honor their father and mother. They rebelled against them and scorned them. Generational conflict. This generation and that generation never got along. Sound familiar?
And.
So what we read in the Bible, this is not culturally bound ancient old-fashioned ways. This was as foreign to their culture as it often is to ours. So we need to think about how to apply it. There's been a lot of discussion, I think a lot of helps in how husband and wife are to relate together in Christ.
We've seen a couple of generations of teaching and discipleship and strengthening about what is a good Christian marriage look like and I praise the Lord for that. I've been a beneficiary of that. But thinking about generationally, what does that look like?
I'm going to give you an example and I just want to let you, I'm just going to read this passage to you and I want you to think about just how strange what I'm about to read to you sounds. How absolutely strange this is going to sound to you.
First Timothy chapter 5. After talking about how to relate to older men and older women. Verse 3. First Timothy 5 verse 3. Honor widows who are really widows. Paul is writing to Timothy as he's doing pastoral ministry in the city of Ephesus.
How is the church going to help widows? You recall that was an issue of concern back in Acts chapter 6. How does the church help widows?
Okay.
Verse 4. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents for this is good and acceptable before God. What just happened? Did you hear that?
If any widow, singular, has plural children, plural grandchildren, let them, there's the plural, first learn to show piety at home. And to repay their parents for this is good and acceptable before God.
So what is Timothy to do? Not only is there something where he's not going to put a widow who has children and grandchildren who could support her. He's not going to put her on the church's support. Okay, but rather what is he going to do?
He is going to exhort the children and even the grandchildren to support this mother or grandmother. But look, they must first learn. Are they going to have it all together? No, they're going to learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents.
Why?
Because this is good and acceptable before God. You see that? What has to happen there? What if the widow doesn't want to let her grandchildren or her children learn piety and care for her? Well, your argument is with God.
Because he says that's good and acceptable to him. That children and even grandchildren would learn to take care of a widow. That is good and acceptable to God. So are we going to get in the way of God?
Verse 5,. Now she who is really a widow and left alone, truly a widow, and this is true, perhaps she's been left alone because her children deny the faith and won't do anything to help her. Maybe they're like the Jews, the religious Jews in Jerusalem, and they say, Oh, it's Corbin.
We've already given it all the way to God. And she's abandoned and no one's there to help her. She who is really a widow and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications, prayers, day and night.
So she's godly. She loves the Lord. But she who lives in indulgence or pleasure is dead while she lives. The one who lives for the Lord and the one who lives for her own pleasure. Do you see the contrast?
Now part of this is strange because we're talking about sins and concerns that just never ever get talked about today. That's why it feels so strange, right? Verse 7,. And these things command that they may be blameless.
Now this blameless is not sinless. Okay, we're talking about reputation. We're talking about the testimony of the widows and the testimony of the church. How do the widows live and how do the children take care of their parents?
That's part of the testimony of the church. Interesting, isn't it? Now follow along verse 8,. But if anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he is denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Now verse 8 is more familiar. This gets brought up all the time when men abandon their families. You know, church discipline, this verse gets brought up. But do you see the context?
What's the context?
Yes, of course, a man must provide for his household, do all he can to provide for his wife and his children. But what's the context? What about the widow? She's part of the household, part of the oikonomos, part of the life of the family because her godly influence, think of Timothy, Timothy whose mother and grandmother, oh, his grandmother was there.
Oh, look at there, Eunice and Lois helped to minister to Timothy and disciple him.
Because Eunice was in the home,.
You see.
He brings this up again to Timothy. Verse 9, Do not let a widow under 60 years old be taken into the number and not unless she has been the wife of one man, well-reported for good works, if she has brought up children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed the saints feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work.
This is talking about who will the church support when the family does not. Okay, this comes back to the reputation of the church, the character of the church. Verse 11, But refuse the younger widows for when they have begun to grow wanton against Christ, they desire to marry, having condemnation because they have cast off their first faith.
Now, notice this is in contrast to a godly woman. This is somebody else, an ungodly person. And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house and not only idle, but also gossips and busybodies saying things which they ought not.
Now, what's the problem here? Well, one problem is this passage does not get talked about. Because in modern evangelicalism, women don't sin.
That's right.
And you just can't talk about women sinning because if you did that, you might not be pastor next week.
Now, what's the concern though? What's the pastoral concern? What's wrong with this example? It's that this younger widow, she doesn't know where she's supposed to be. She's not where she's supposed to be.
And so all of her energy is going all over the place. But where is the energy supposed to be? It's supposed to be aimed at a household where she does her maximum good, where she's maximally a blessing.
She's not in her own household. She's in that one and that one and that one and that one. It's easier today. We have social media. Verse 14. Therefore, I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
There needs to be provision for the widows lest we not be blameless. And then for the younger to be in the household so that the adversary cannot speak reproachfully. For some have already turned aside after Satan.
If any believing man or woman has widows, let them relieve them and do not let the church be burdened that it may relieve those who are truly widows. Now, notice verse 16. If any believing man or woman, so, husband or wife, if anyone has a widow, let them relieve them and honor their mother or their grandmother and seek to care for them.
See,.
This is honoring father and mother.
If you teach your children to honor father and mother, they might just do that because that is well pleasing to God. Now, what does that look like? It doesn't look like exactly the same way in each family, but there needs to be a clear laboring for honoring father and mother in these situations.
Isn't that a weird passage? Have not really looked at that passage a lot, have we? It's not a very commonly taught passage, but there is a lot here where it says this is well pleasing to God. Just like we read, children, honor your father and mother for this is well pleasing to God.
This is also well pleasing to God. And there's a lot of good, a lot of blessings, a lot of potential here. I've seen a lot of good examples of this, but we probably need to spend a little bit more time and attention at it.
Any questions or thoughts? Yeah, there could be a good model there. Again, it's going to be varied from household to household. The question is how close are things? How close are things? Children who are prideful tend to do what?
To separate themselves from their parents, whether they're being homeschooled or being sent to Christian school or whatever. Prideful children are going to be distant. I don't need you. I don't need you.
Well, that doesn't honor the Lord, does it?
What do prideful parents do when it's time for their children to honor them? I don't need you. I don't need you.
So prideful children push away their parents. Prideful parents push away their children. Neither one pleases the Lord. And there is a time, Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a time and a season for everything.
And who's in charge of every time and season? God is.
So there's a time and a season for those things, and we need to be ready to accept those and to embrace those arrangements.
Yes.
Well, money is going to be a big role, whether it's now or it's during the Bible. Jesus specifically gave instructions about the issues about money. But, of course, it's not simply writing a check. Honoring father and mother means, like, parenting is more than writing a check, right?
That's not really child support, is it? And honoring parents is more than just money. That's a good observation. I think it's worth evaluating things that we've taken for granted. What are our expectations of how things are going to go?
The closer parents are to their children, the better they can parent them, right? You know, we think about, you know, what a difficult thing it is for a man to go off to war. And be far distant from his children, though he tries to communicate with them and encourage them and so on and so forth.
It's just not the same, is it?
So even if he's trying to provide for them, being there with them is just irreplaceable. And the same thing with children trying to honor their parents. The more distant you are, the more exponentially difficult it is and the less honoring it is.
We've got to give that some thought. How close do we want to draw to our newborn infant? Because when it comes close to death, you know, you've been there at the bedside. There is nothing more like a newborn infant as an elderly saint about to go home.
How close do we want to be? It's worth some thought. How do we honor mother and father? All right, we'll leave it there. Let's go ahead and sing.
