If TV Dads were Churches

Your Calvinist

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00:00

I don't object to fun.

00:13

I love fun. In fact, I'm the grand funk master of fun. But I don't need to take a drink to have a good time.

00:21

And neither do you. Alright girls, we've decided to have mercy. Say you're sorry.

00:27

And I love you. And hug it out. Festivus begins with the airing of grievances.

00:35

I got a lot of problems with you people. Now, you're gonna hear about it. Without our government, you'd be stuck in Siberia now.

00:44

Sucking the juice from a rotten commie potato. School, you got your degree?

00:50

Humble Brothers, please. Penn State. My brother. Good school. I was thinking of going there if my scholarship to Princeton, Yale, Wharton, and Talladega Tech had fallen through.

01:00

This is how we testify. Raise him! Can't you see you're not making

01:07

Christianity better? You're just making rock and roll worse. I now call to order this meeting of no ma 'am.

01:13

National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood. So let's celebrate. Put on your

01:19

Sunday best, kids. We're going to Sears. See Beaver, some of the homeliest people in the world have done the greatest things.

01:29

I'm not just some trophy wife. You're a trophy wife? What contest in hell did

01:37

I win? If the U .S. government decides to stick a tracking device up your a**, you say thank you and God bless