Colossians 3:18-21 King of Your House

You are listening to the podcast of recast Church in Matawan, Michigan. Good morning recast

Church I'm Don Felsick. I'm the lead pastor here and I just want to welcome you all to this worship gathering this morning

I'm glad you're here. I hope you come with some anticipation of worshiping God together and hearing from his word this morning

Here at recast the T in our name stands for truth and it informs We believe that the word of God is truth and that it informs the fundamental layers of real life as we're gonna be looking at In our text this morning as we've been marching through the book of Colossians here together

It's apparent that Paul Wanted the ancient church to recognize that to recognize that their faith their lives and their worship were all to Revolve around one particular character and that is

Jesus Christ himself You see throughout this text so far the the letter of Colossians We've seen that in him all things were made in him all things exist

He is the head of the church He is the one with whom we have died to our old way of life and in him

We have been raised to a new life together He is the victor over the forces of darkness according to Colossians He bore our debt and and it was nailed to his cross and by his death

He has made sacrifice for anyone who would come to him by faith. So really deep and rich words about Jesus Christ in the book of Colossians Paul has made a really big deal about Jesus and I hope that that's been a

Resounding gong in your ears as we've been walking through this letter. Just hearing about Jesus Jesus Jesus It's all about him.

It all centers on him and in the last two weeks Colossians has been all about how we should live then as followers of Christ if Christ is indeed the center of our lives

Then what should we look like? What does it mean to keep him at the center once we've received Jesus Christ as our

Lord and Savior so remember that the book of Colossians is written to Christians and what we talked about this morning is going to be talked about from the from the premise that Paul is speaking to Followers of Jesus Christ and Paul spoke a couple weeks ago.

We saw a few weeks ago Paul spoke in terms of taking off some attitudes and behaviors through this book

He said we need to take off things like sexual immorality malice greed slander

And then last week he dovetailed with that taking those things off and spoke about putting some attitudes and behaviors on Put some things on your life and I hope that you've

Been moved a little bit even in this last week to put put on some things to put some behaviors on your life like compassion kindness humility meekness

Patience and other challenging words like that Those are pretty challenging things when you think about it when it really when it comes up against Monday morning

Those are the kinds of things that are pretty easy to sit in these chairs and hear about her to talk about her to think

About but compassion kindness humility meekness and patience man. That's the stuff of the Christian life

Those are fundamentals that are very difficult to apply I recognize that it but it's it's part and parcel of what it means to be growing in Christ to be putting those things on Our lives and so that's where we've been and now

Paul is gonna make a pretty stark shift It's like and you can hear the brakes screech and there's smoke rolling off the tires

And then he launches into a discussion about the family in our text And it seems like it seems like a screeching change of direction, but it's really not

Paul is saying real Relationships matter. Well, what were we talking about just now?

We were talking about things like compassion kindness humility meekness and patience putting those kinds of things on our lives

And then he's gonna talk about the family anybody think that those things might apply in your household Do those things apply in the relationships that you encounter day in and day out?

I hope they do and so he's really kind of carrying forward that thought of taking off evil things and putting on good things

And by the way a fundamental place to start with this kind of thing is in the family You see the reality is relationships in the family in the family unit

Matter to God and That's why he is gonna launch into this this morning You see

Jesus isn't just to be Lord of our heart as if we are the sole reason he came was just to save me

But there's more to it than that Also, it's not just that you can mine down deep into the personal which is true.

Did he come to save you? Yeah, that's a glorious truth But also we see through the book of Colossians a big cosmic picture that he's

Lord of the universe so we can I would suggest to you that we can get caught somewhere in between in this process of thinking him of him is

So glorious and distant or so personal and so close that we neglect to recognize that he has created us in Relationship and that our lives with him are lived out together with others

It's not just huge cosmic Lord of the universe or just personal to me But he has something to do with us us together and in our families and in our relationships in our households

He has to be Lord of your household. He's to be Lord of your work. He has to be the Lord of your relationships

And so the stark commands issued to the family structure in Colossians 3 18 through 21 are gonna fit well within this context of talking about how to live as a follower of Christ and What he has to say to all of us in these verses.

It's been really hotly contested in our culture This is a a passage if there's a passage where I've heard

Born -again believers followers of Jesus Christ actually say, but I don't know if I agree with that No, that's a big deal to take the pages of Scripture Right for somebody who believes that this is truth and coming from God and I've heard people who actually

Believe that this is truth kind of go well, but on this one I'm not so sure and so as we dive in we're gonna see that this is a controversial subject in our culture that I think

It's pretty straightforward in Scripture But it takes some understanding and take some knowledge and so that's where we're gonna go in and dive into this

So let's jump in and read this often misunderstood text about family relationships So if you open up to Colossians 3 verses 18 through 21

Colossians 3, I'm actually Not that I say matters to you, but just kind of interesting

I was originally gonna preach eight verses this week and I only ended up preaching four because there was so much content here and I Always work to try to cut things out and it just got to the point where I was like I'm gonna be preaching for an hour and a half if I don't cut this down So we're gonna be kind of slowing things down a little bit in Colossians.

We're only taking four verses this morning so it's Colossians 3 18 to 21 and Follow along in your

Bible there But recast this is God's Word. This is what he desires for us to hear this morning

Wives Submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them

Children obey your parents and everything for this pleases the Lord fathers

Do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged a

Short text that has a lot to do with us. Let's pray as the band comes to lead us in worship this morning

Father I thank you so much that you Have demonstrated your care and your concern all throughout this letter of Colossians father you are glorious your majestic and you are

I'm so high and lofty and your son has indeed is indeed Lord of the Universe and we rejoice in that and we see the big picture woven throughout scripture that it is really all about Jesus and And then we can personalize that and recognize that That you have loved us through your son and have sent him to die for us and give us new life

And so we can rejoice and cherish that inner peace that we can experience And yet father you don't leave it there

But you draw us deeper into an understanding that we are not saved only for ourselves But we are saved for relationship saved for a connection that we are indeed

Relational beings because you indeed are relational as well and have revealed yourself that way and so father

I pray that you would be superintending this message and this service father that as we get an opportunity to Worship and song right now father that it would be a carryover from our week that it would not just be all of a sudden

We're gonna just jump in and sing some songs real quick and kind of move about and go out to the rest of our week

But father that we would be a worshipful people Monday through Saturday and that we're gathering together Sunday would just be a culmination of that worship.

We've been offering to you all week long father You are worth it. You are worthy. You are glorious You are majestic and you are worth all of our attention and all of our effort fill our vision this morning as we sing to You in Jesus name.

Amen Amen Thanks a lot to the band for leading us I'm just very grateful for the gifts and talents that God has given to them and that they're willing to use those in our in Serving the body of Christ here.

So just just very thankful for them Encourage you to get comfortable like normal If you need to get up and get any more coffee or juice or doughnuts while supplies last take advantage of those and Again if you need to get up and stretch out in the back,

I know those chairs get uncomfortable. So Whatever it takes to keep our focus on Colossians 3 we're gonna be looking at Colossians 3 18 through 21 if you weren't here when

I read it earlier But have your Bibles open to that so that you can see that the things that I'm talking about are coming from the word

This morning and just thinking in terms of this text as I kind of introduced relationships matter

The only thing think about it in these terms the only thing in all of creation that bears the image of the

Creator is Humanity It's the only thing that bears the image is ever declared to bear the image of the

Creator And there's something about that image that reflects the relational nature of the triune

God you ever notice that you're a relational person now some of us are we vary in degrees of relationship, right?

We vary in degrees of how much we're introverted versus extroverted But how many of you know that you have to have relationships?

Have you identified that? Four of us Most of us I hope

I mean you recognize that you need relationships So the way that we relate to other humans around us is tied closely

Very closely to God's purposes for our lives Think about it this way when

Jesus was asked what are the two greatest commandments? He said what is the greatest commandment rather? That's the question that was posed to him.

He couldn't answer it with just one he said really two of them interrelated said love the Lord your God with all your heart soul mind and strength and Love your neighbor as yourself

Relationship Vertical relationship Horizontal relationships, that's what we are created for.

That's that's something to do with why you exist has to do with relationship to God and relationship to others

So in verse 18 God begins with this these five words five

Well with these five words I get to preach on Wives submit to your

Husbands wives submit to your husbands. I have to tell you honestly I didn't lack for material in researching and studying those five words this week.

There is a lot of ink that has been spilled Explaining these five words or maybe even attempting to explain away these five words

But one thing needs to be stated at the outset I think it's very it's clear as you're studying it and as you're reading it and you're understanding it

It's a historical context, but not so clear right off the bat coming at we come at this text only from our era going backwards

We don't identify some of the important things that Paul is doing from the outset here, but right out of the gate

Paul challenges his cultural context his cultural setting would have been challenged by these opening words in a way that we won't we don't conceive of because We recognize we live in a different era in a different time

But the fact the very fact that Paul to the church is writing to the wives

Present there in Colossae would have been a huge deal to that original audience

That would have been big and here's why in Greek and in Roman culture There are lists similar to these instructions in secular manuscripts non -christian manuscripts in all kinds of ancient documents that we have

Recorded on parchment and different things and scrolls that talk about the role of a husband philosophers talked about these kinds of things philosophers talked about how to manage and run a household they all saw the family unit is the fundamental basis of society and therefore they were talking about this when they're talking about the

Political state and all of these kinds of things in ancient Greece. They talked about the family and all of them in this era

Issue instructions about how to run a household and who do they address? They all talked to the husbands

Not a single one of them addresses The wives none of them addressed the children none of them addressed the servant

But rather they talked to the husband to tell him what how to how to manage his household But here in our text

Paul speaks directly to wives. He speaks directly to children next week We're gonna look at the part where he speaks directly to the servants

And some commentaries that I read get so carried away by that very reality which is a big deal in that culture and understanding this text, but they

Neglected to ever get back to the content of what Paul is telling the wives to do what he's explaining to them

What's he what he wants to communicate so they don't get back to the content, but they they kind of Exalted in this dignity that's given to women here, which is great

But at the neglect of explaining what it means to submit and so the very first commentary that I read this week

I'm really highlighted that and never got down to the word submit and never really clarified that But as I read on throughout the week

I found some that were willing to actually address and tackle the content of what Paul was talking about Now I want to set some ground rules here

So some of the baseline stuff that is very very fundamental to our understanding what it means when we talk about wives

Submitting to their husbands. I hope it's clear that male and female Together bear the image of God that's fundamental to the book of Genesis right from the beginning

He made them male and female. He created them in his image. He made them it's clear that men and women are both inheritors of the kingdom of God in the

New Testament equal in Standing within the church as far as their their inheritance in the kingdom of God a beautiful thing

And I hope that it's clear just from the fundamentals of what it means to be human that we need each other

Male and female all the genders need each other. We have a radical and clear fundamental interdependence on one another

None of us would be here without male and female investment in our existence, right?

Okay. Yeah, I mean so you can ask yourself ask the question this way Which is more which is more vital to your existence mom or dad?

Okay. Well mom might have had the more difficult assignment But you wouldn't be here without dad either and I'm not just saying that to kind of creep us out because I know that just kind of gets creepy but but I'm just saying this to show that our very nature shows us that male and female are both equal in Dignity both essential and what it means to be human and fundamentally what

I want to set as a ground Level, which I believe is absolutely True is that God does not have a favorite gender

He does not have a favorite and some people will speak of this in terms that he does

Some when they read that text wives submit to your husband's immediately your mind jumps to oh What am

I then or I am that then or whatever and wherever you stand on this?

I mean people have a lot of different thoughts that run to their run through their mind when they hear this But God does not have a favorite gender but the genders are different and It is

I don't know if you guys are a little bit creeped out by the direction in the the angle and the trajectory of Our culture right now, but it is not popular to say that there's a difference between male and female

Which just boggles my mind anybody else a little bit confused by that anybody else blown away by the notion that we live in a

Culture that's literally dumbing down and watering down the distinctions between male and female To the point where I would suggest to you that many of us in this room are confused by what it means to be male

Confused in this room about what it means to be female. What is masculinity? What is femininity and how many of you think that might be part and parcel to our identity a bit?

Like is that a part of who we are and we can find ourselves Wandering in a sea floating around not quite sure what we were made to be not quite sure what we were made to do

We're not even sure if it's okay to suggest that we were made for a purpose That we have some function or some role to accomplish in our household in our roles with others and all around And so this is fundamental stuff

Both genders are different And they encompass different hear me carefully. They encompass different God ordained roles

God given functions God given roles and out of all of the things that God could say

How many of you could think of some different things that he could? You know tell wives to do here Could you think of some different things that he could he could spell out for them some different things?

He could hold up for them Out of all the things that God could say that he wants of wives in verse 18 in order

He says to reflect. What is fitting in Christ? What is appropriate in Jesus? He says wives are to submit to their husbands

Submit here in our text a little little Greek geek here I mean, it's it's in the middle voice and so in the middle voice.

It simply means that it's an act of the person's will He is asking them to enact their will to do something

It's not coercive or arm -twisting in the in the way that it's constructed in Greek where it's it's it certainly is a

Command that he desires of them But he is acknowledging that wives you are going to have to act your will on this part if you're going to accomplish this

This is something he's asking you to come under Now it might sound coercive in English But it's not so in Greek and what that does is it dignifies every single woman every single wife rather with a choice

Paul doesn't say you exist wives under the thumb of your husband. He doesn't say wives obey your husband

That's a different word altogether and that word appears in this very context He could have said that but he says that to children.

He says children obey your parents He says servants obey your masters, but he doesn't say wives obey.

That's a different a different type of word But he tells them to enact their will in the matter and to accept and adopt a submissive attitude towards their husbands an attitude a heart

Submission is by the way a heart an attitude of the will by which an individual recognizes the authority of another and willingly

Willingly lines up under the one in authority now we practice this on a regular basis, right?

We recognize that your boss The people that are in charge of your workplace have some authority and have some right and you have to willingly line up now

Could you could you go against what your boss has to say? Yeah, of course you could right and so there's a submissive attitude that comes in with that where we recognize what submission means

Actually in Greek this word is used all over the place primarily in the context of military structure in the

Greek in Greek this this this particular word submit was used Primarily as a military term it has in it a genuine unavoidable air of authority, which some people will try to dismiss

Well, this is just there's no authority in this. You're just co -equal your co -partners You're egalitarian is the theological term for it.

You're just equal to 50 -50 marriage that kind of thing And and so they will talk in those terms, but there is indeed a component of authority that's here in this text

Paul doesn't straight it stated directly here in this context But he says in other parts of the

New Testament things like the husband is the head of the wife So the husband does indeed possess authority in the household

You're gonna encounter all kinds of arguments against this text and some of you are already kind of boiling a little bit inside You're kind of like where is this going?

And and how does this work and what kind of church have I fallen into and that kind of thing? but Some will say that this was

Paul just giving into his culture His culture subjugated women and we there have been abuses down through the centuries without question.

There have been abuses and it's terrible But some would say Paul just gave into that culture

They subjugated women so he talks about it here and therefore it doesn't apply to us today because we're more enlightened

We're more intelligent than this whatever But notice the rationale he gives for wives to do this

He says do this because it is fitting in the Lord That is it is appropriate in Christ.

It is within the realm of Christ It is a good thing this phrase exists to show that in the Lord things should be done this way

He doesn't appeal to a cultural standard but he appeals to a

New spiritual culture of what it means to be in the Lord in the Lord is a New Testament theological concept that is talking about the new kingdom and He says in the

Lord it is fitting. It is good. It is right that things are done this way Which also implies that by the way anything that a husband might require or ask of his wife that is not in the

Lord Is not to be submitted to there's a sphere of in Christ And and by the way,

I don't even have the time to get into the details of where the rubber meets the road on this How many know that I mean we could talk we talk forever

Well, what if my husband does this then this what if she does this then this and we could we could spend conferences

We could spend weeks talking about this kind of thing That's why I had to break it down into just four verses because there was no way I could cover all the basis

So I I fear that some of you may walk out of this message with more questions and answers But at least we're we're gonna talk about the fundamentals of what this text means

But um, you know, there are all kinds how many of you would admit that your mind often goes immediately to the exception?

I think it's a very American thing. I think it's a very Scientific thing. It's a very logical thing.

Well, what about this? What about that and we can all of a sudden come up with all of these nitty -gritty details that can we can lose the the forest for the trees

Or really look at the forest and not the trees either way, so But Paul is writing and this is fundamental

Paul's writing to church families He is telling wives to line up under the

God -given authority of their own Husbands He's not telling some people have missed since misunderstood this they've misinterpreted to say that women are to submit to men in general

That's not what the text says. I don't say women submit to men Because that is that what it says?

Those wives submit to your husband He's not telling women here that they are less important than men

And also he's not telling women that they are to mindlessly obey whatever their husband tells them to do

But he is suggesting that there is a hierarchy and structure that exists within the plan of Christ By which men are created to be leaders and protectors and women are created to be submissive nurturers

Now we know that that gets broken pretty quick, doesn't it? Some men refuse to lead some women refuse to follow some women are very eager to lead some men are very eager to follow and So we have a brokenness that's in this what

God is setting up as a standard a desire a right practice What is fitting in the Lord?

It's hard to apply in a broken world. Anybody anybody agree with that difficult to apply There's an excellent

Bible study that many women in our church are currently going through it one one study just started I think was it last

Thursday and then one is starting this Wednesday, and I don't think it's too late to jump on board I talked with my wife.

She's leading the one this Wednesday. It's called true women 201 They are working through the biblical concepts of femininity some of these very fundamental things that we're talking about here even about the the practice of it and the applying of it and the working of it working it

Out for women is is going to be covered in that book I think we have a couple of those workbooks available out here

If anybody wants to check those out, you can buy one out there They're for sale and you it's not too late to join one of those studies, but it's a great opportunity to To involve yourself with other ladies and and talk through this and work through it together

It is really such a countercultural concept that I think it's been become quite confusing to try to figure out what it means to be male and female male or female

People would say you could be male and female I guess I don't know but but I found that the Bible is increasingly the only place the only place that I can find that we can turn to to make sense of what we see is the obvious differences between male and female masculine and feminine the

Bible is starting to stand out more and more as one of the only places we can turn to in the church should be one of the places we can turn to to see

The the roles being played out and worked out in our midst But I need to highlight an interesting

Observe another interesting observation about the word submit here and now I'm going to speak a little bit more to the men for just a moment

The only time that this word is ever used of someone performing it as an action on another in other words

Whenever this word is used to make another submit it is used of God In other words

God is the one who can make someone else Submit now any of you ever watch wrestling you ever watch

UFC you ever watch that stuff You know the submission holds and all that stuff Well, some people can get another person to submit armbar or whatever and you can do different things

But but really when we're talking about submitting in the heart level How many of you know that that person that's in the armbar doesn't want to be in the armbar and we get out of the

Armbar if they could get out of the armbar. Do you know what I'm talking about? They're not submitting They're just not wanting their arm to be torn out, you know, so it's like that's kind of the gist of that So submission in their heart.

No way they would fight they keep fighting if they could right? So submitting in that sense making somebody else submit in their heart

God's the only one that can do that. And so my word to men husbands quit it

Stop it. Do not Be harsh to your wife by using or abusing this text

My goodness guys do not command your wife to submit to you Do not that's that's asking for obedience where he's at where God is asking for their submission

They're willing desire to submit to you their willingness to obey God by coming under your authority

How many you know, there's a difference I mean if you you tell her to oh you tell her to Submit to you now.

You're asking for something. God hasn't asked for that is obedience. You get what I'm saying in that God is the only one who can make your wife

Willingly desirously submit to the authority that he has given to you. So stop trying to get

No scripture ever gives you a license to demand that your wife submit to you What it tells you rather here in just a moment is to love her

And stop being harsh with her and I would suggest that it's pretty harsh for you to demand that your wife submit to you

I would also suggest to you that according to the usage of this word Consistently in Greek that when you tell her to submit to you you are trying to play

God in her life You're not to do that Instead in verse 19 husbands are told this

Love your wives love your wives The word here is one of caring for her well -being

Now it's it's not necessarily a feeling of strong affection or sappy emotionalism that doesn't come very naturally to most of us as men

But I want to suggest to you that there are there are three Three primary Greek words for love where we have one in English now

We can talk about liking tacos loving tacos loving our wives liking our wives Although I mean, we don't have a lot of variety in the

English language for love Greek had a distinction and it's a beneficial distinction.

So we have these words eros agape philia Eros is the strong kind of sexual attraction kind of love.

It's kind of racy it's kind of hot and and Impressed and you know when you feel it agape is kind of the run -of -the -mill

Kind of love philia is brotherly love like hanging with my bros at the pub talking, you know that kind of thing

It's it's like Just just that that feeling that you get when you're with a close friend that knows you that's known you for life in that kind Of thing so there's these different words and the word that is used here is the is the word agape it's

It's not necessarily the feeling of strong affection and sappy emotionalism. As I said, it's not the sexual love of the

Greek word eros here It's the run -of -the -mill Greek word agape and how many of you ever heard that word?

Are you familiar with that word? You've heard the word agape used in messages and sermons and stuff And you know, it's it's kind of there's even a church in the community named agape

Agape Christian Fellowship comes from this word, which by the way has the notion of an Unconditional kind of love the majority of the times in the

New Testament that God is said to love us It is this word that he uses so it's it's that that that routine kind of Unconditional love

But I've heard it mentioned many times as the highest of loves It's this glorious beautiful thing because it's the way that God loves us

But as I have studied over the years this word does not have a lot of luster to it What you are being commanded to do husbands wives what your husbands are being commanded to do isn't that?

Spicy isn't that amazing isn't that glorious? It's hard to apply But it's the kind of love that provides for the needs of another it's

It's the minivan of love Where Eros the

Lamborghini Philia I'd call maybe the Chevy Silverado or something, you know But this is the the copy is just there chugging out the mileage

Shuttling the kids and and being faithful to the routine taxi runs of middle -aged life Like that's the picture of the love that husbands are being called to Then it's kind of funny

It's kind of bland It's kind of mundane It's kind of routine and I think to be quite honest we can get tired of it

It's it's something that wears wears down over time if you don't have a little bit of a Lamborghini in there, right you don't have a little bit of a

Hanging out and and being friends and stuff you need all that But the command here is fundamentally to care for the needs of your wife husbands

As I was studying this week, I was struck by the possibility that our culture has become so enamored with the

Lamborghini So enamored with Eros the sexually hot passionate fun flirty love or even become so enamored with Philia The hang out with my best friends entertaining chillin and join a good conversation eating pizza kind of love

That we might not really recognize Or even be willing to give credit when agape is being lavished on us

It might not even recognize you might love you

And you're going what about this and what about that and he's doing the best that he can to care for your needs now men do we need to step it up in other areas and and and be friends with our wives and we're gonna talk about that here in a moment not being harsh and some of those things but Agape is stable

Agape pays the bills Agape makes a way for a wife to have a girl's night out from time to time agape helps out around the house

I got they listens and is concerned enough. Are you ready for this ladies? It listens, but it but it wants to solve the problems

When what you want is the Philia you're looking for him to jump in the truck and just listen but but there is something noble and there is something beneficial about When you share a problem with your husband and he wants to fix it and that aggravates you but that's what agape does

That's the kind of response is I want things to go better for you. I want to help you

Now I'm not saying guys that guys we need to take on the reality and listen to our wives and recognize that there's times They'll just listen

Anybody been up against any of you guys been up against that the time to listen time to not answer But but there's a noble thing and I'm just suggesting to you that there's a noble thing in agape that says

I want to help I want to fix it. I want to make it better for you. That's a good thing I think we need to kind of come to some common ground here and recognize that I'm Saying all of this to suggest that for some it may be possible

That some husbands are doing what scripture is saying and it just might not feel like enough in a society That holds out a standard of love.

That's exciting Enthusiastic energetic every day is like a honeymoon. The command is clear here guys.

It's very clear Love your wife Sacrifice for her consider her well -being in all of your decisions

Consult with her as any wise person would do when someone who has been given to you to share life with Seek to understand her and According to this text do not be harsh with her

It's kind of funny and kind of sad that God has to say to husbands two things

Love her sacrifice for her want what's best for her and By the way, don't be harsh with her

Well, you might be tempted to think Paul you're being redundant If you if you love her, then you wouldn't be harsh with her, right?

Oh, that's that's the way it always goes, right? Not so Unfortunately, not so one of the nastiest parts about the human condition is something

I can relate to in my own heart and it is the ability to Segment my heart in genuine ways not just even self -deception

But just ultimately to have two different wills two different desires two different Competing feelings and emotions and actions simultaneously anybody relate to that Love her and be harsh with her at the same time.

Could you really do that? Yeah, and as as broken humans as sinners we can do it all the time

Right. Oh out of the goodness of my heart when my wife is driving. I might be harsh once in a while, right?

I'm just trying to China trying to teach her trying to help her trying to what how's that gonna work, right?

Don't be harsh with her. It's a nasty habit for us.

I can love my wife Want what's best for her and yell at her at the same time?

True story We can be harsh with someone we love, right? You've been that way

So Paul doubles down for us as husbands says lover Be sure you don't be harsh with her something for all of us as husbands in the room to take on I Notice that out of all the things that God could hold us to in marriage

He addresses here in our text what I believe are the fundamentals in marriage that require us to exert significant effort

Wives are gonna be tempted to bulk at submission. Some of you are already in your heart stealing yourself You're like no.

No, no, not not my husband though. You don't understand. He's not a strong leader. He's not godly enough He's not this he's not that or whatever.

You might be thinking in your mind. And so you're beginning to bulk even right now Because our thought our fallen nature values

Autonomy, we like to be self -directed right all of us Men are gonna bulk itself sacrifice because our hearts long for Autonomy It's the same problem different manifestations

Both of these commands declare a facet of our dependence on the other our neediness towards the other

And I would suggest to you that both equally require trust and risk

Both require trust and risk for a wife to submit to her husband. Is that risky?

That's very risky For a husband to sacrifice for his wife. Is that risky?

It's very risky and Anything that is truly called love requires

Risk if it is not open to abuse if it is not open to the possibility that you could be taken for granted in this

Then it's not love Where do we see love first, where is it most exposed in the cosmos at the cross?

At the cross and and it was a sacrifice for us risk you better believe risk

Always a risk You cannot have love without putting your neck out on the block and handing the other the sword and saying

I trust you with whatever this is It's a sacrifice. Love is a sacrifice

Whether it's love or submission equally I would suggest to you. I think people have been so So focused on that opening verse that it's not very often talked about that Both are called to sacrifice both are called to risk in this thing called marriage

By the way, it has to be said Not into a whole lot of caveats here And like I said, I can't get into the nuances

But there's one fundamental thing that I have to say as I conclude this part and that is wives Do not submit to abuse or sin has to be said unfortunately

Submit as is fitting in the Lord the text says Christ is to be the king of your household.

He is the king of your household Even if your husband is not a believer Christ is still your king

So you do not submit to things that are inconsistent with Christ Again, that opens a can of worms.

I recognize it, but it has to be said if you're enduring any abuse And I'd suggest to you even if you say well, it's just a little bit

Don Maybe that's all the more reason that you need to get help Come and talk with me If you don't trust me and go and contact a counsel

I can give you some numbers and some names of people that I trust in the community that do counseling But you need help and certainly if you are in danger

Leave we'll find someplace for you to stay. We'll get you some help. We'll get you out of there But if you're in danger, don't be there.

It is not what God desires of you. It's a terrible horrible thought to me

That anyone would endure abuse thinking that they were obeying this text that anybody would endure or Involve themselves in sin because they're trying to fulfill this commandment to submit

Submitting to abuse or engaging in sin is never fitting in the Lord That is not what he desires of you

No, it's such a tragedy Think about this the very purpose of masculinity and femininity are often turned upside down in a sin -cursed world, aren't they?

Men down through the ages have often used the power given to them. Why were they given power? It's protectors the power given to protect has been turned on its head and used to abuse women and Many men then have in turn logically turned from submission to controlling

You can kind of understand how it would go in that direction But within the kingdom of God What do you know that in the family when it goes well, it looks beautiful It's a glorious thing.

How many of you know when it goes bad? It looks really ugly and really bad like where we have the the centerpiece of what

God has designed us for is the place where things can be elevated to the most Beautiful place or to the most tragic downfall but within the kingdom of God when men are putting the needs of their wives first and Wives are submitting their husbands out of reverence for God Marriage becomes a beautiful picture of Jesus and his church

And our families here at Recast can become an opportunity to demonstrate the gospel of Jesus Christ by living this text out

The second fundamental relationship that is addressed now in our text moving on from husbands and wives is to parents and children

This is obviously more universal and that every person here has parents every person here has been a child

Not everyone, of course has a spouse and so that first part you could be thinking Well, how does that apply to me if I'm single or if I'm not married or if I'm in high school or whatever?

But here's something that Paul brings out for all of us within the family in the kingdom of God Children are told to obey their parents in everything

The very fact that this is a Christian family That's being addressed here requires that we once again temper that everything to acknowledge that Paul certainly has godly

Christ oriented parents in mind here That's evident by his reminder to children that ultimately the goal in all of this is pleasing the

Lord pleasing God when they obey their parents Certainly, it doesn't please the

Lord if parents tell their kids to go rob a bank and they go do it, right? That's not pleasing to the Lord and the goal the endgame in all of this is pleasing the

Lord kids So another way to explain this command is to say children obey your parents in everything with a mindset of pleasing

God It's basically a restatement of the fifth of the Ten Commandments that says children are to honor their father and mother

But the word obey is stronger than the word that we saw earlier for submit obedience is dependent upon the will of the one issuing the commands

Submitting is to willingly accept the authority of another so obedient obedience is the actual actions that result from Following through on the commands of an authority a person who submits may may indeed be called upon to obey

But obedience is an action While submitting is an attitude are you getting that?

Submission is a hard attitude Obedience is an action and the children here are being called to action to do something

One significant observation on this front for those of us with children because I know there's not a lot of children in the room

Most of them are out of the program So talking to them would kind of be pointless because then you could just pass it on to them Whatever but to us we ought to consider what this command to children means for us those of you in the room who are indeed

Parents, we have to consider carefully what rules we lay down for our children I mean the reality is we can burden our children with heavy

Detailed obscure all different kinds of thoughtless rules that are really ultimately Binding on them because we as parents have issued them

Once you tell them that they must eat their broccoli You've now created a standard.

They are held to by this verse Do you realize that? When you tell them to do something you are now issuing something in the

Lord that they are According to this verse to please God by following through on so we need to think through carefully

What we are asking of them their obedience to you is an act of submission to the Lord because in eating their broccoli

They are pleasing God do you hear that? so What if you don't ask them to eat their broccoli?

Are they displeasing to the Lord if they don't eat it? No so you have that kind of authority in the life of your children and That's something that we ought to all give pause to think about As parents we need to be clear as clear as possible what we expect from our children, right?

Have you heard that before clarity is really important in raising kids. Absolutely. Also another

C word Consistency with your children is fundamental. That's that's important and we need to seriously consider why we have the rules that we have

Why I have these rules any of you raised with some rules that you still can't explain you still don't know

Why what about the anybody have the rule no singing at the table if you have that in your house Could you come and explain that one to me?

I don't really know what that one was about But that was one of the rules in my household growing up and I was just like I still I mean

Maybe it's something your mouth is I don't know Is it because your mouth is open at food or something? I don't I don't really know But that was a rule in my household always confused me

But I'm sure you have some obscure rules that you had in your household growing up that you still to this day

Just they're kind of like I don't really know what that was about But those of you in this room who live under the authority of your parents some of you are here

You are to obey your parents Which results in the delight of Jesus There's a cool thing

Those of you that are teens here in the room. You can please God You can please

God by you can make him smile By doing your homework when your parents ask you to that makes

God smile Like it's one thing to think of it in terms of a relationship between you and your parents and sometimes that's up and sometimes that's down What about doing it for God?

And on the flip side of this command We come to verse 21 Paul the Apostle who is shipwrecked

Beaten and left for dead traveled the Roman Empire planning churches who wrote a lot of the New Testament is

Going to give fathers a quick tip. He's gonna deal with Us as fathers So fathers listen up.

He says do not provoke your children Interesting thing is that to everyone else

Paul has given something that they should proactively do To love to submit but to fathers he gives them something not to do

It's as if in one sense. He's saying hey fathers. Guess what? You've got something going for you already

You already have something there, but let me just suggest to you something that you don't do to screw it up.

Okay, great Maybe we can do that Provoking by the way, he says do not provoke them

Provoking is not a strictly bad word in Greek. As a matter of fact, it's used in some good context It simply means to incite or to stir up the emotion of another and it could be for good

It could be for bad and it's used both ways in the Bible It could be used as a pep rally intended to get a school all stoked up towards school pride

Or it could be used to the taunts of the UFC fighters about to jump into the octagon together You know as taunts to rile each other up or whatever

We'd usually expect provoke to have a direct object provoked to something riled up stirred up to Something provoked to anger provoke to work harder.

That would be a good one But so as a father allowed to provoke his children to increase to Blessing to benefit to you provoke stir up your kids towards the gospel.

Would that be a bad thing? Is he saying don't just don't don't do anything that produces emotion in your kids.

Is that what he's getting at? No, look at the context look at what comes later provoked towards Discouragement is the point fathers.

Do not provoke your children lest they become Discouraged Whatever you might stir up in them that would discourage them is not to be there

Fathers have the power by the way to provoke their children toward discouragement. Have you identified that? And they are not to do this.

We are not to do this Out of all the things Paul could tell fathers to do he is suggesting that this is both

God honoring and significant Do not provoke your children to lose heart

It's another way to translate that word discouragement. Don't provoke your children to lose heart. I Believe that a lot of issues rest in the way a father treats his children

There's a lot of issues that come out of this father's words have the have the power to provoke discouragement in our identity

Has the power to provoke discouragement in our confidence in our self -control in our hope for the future in our sense of belonging and There are many other ways that a father's words can discourage us, right?

There's a whole host of daddy issues and you can look at all the psychology that goes into that and some of us would identify

Maybe even use that word. We've got some daddy issues But when you consider that the opposite of not provoking children to discouragement is it's not apathy

It's not not disengagement or disinvolvement, but the opposite of it is provoking them toward Encouragement do not provoke your children towards discouragement the opposite of that would be encouraging them

That might give us a better handle on what we are to do fathers What you say to your kids fathers is

Defining their character. Sometimes we think we're describing our kids. We're not describing our kids.

We are defining them We are helping them to formulate who they are by our very words if you reserve your praise for home runs and soccer goals

Your children will define themselves by their exploits on the field That's not rocket science right

If you refuse to honor their efforts in anything, but but have quick criticism when they do wrong

They will believe that they do nothing right because you've modeled that for them.

You've instilled that in them. I Think it's appropriate by the way for moms to listen in as well.

I mean moms can be on the encouraging discouraging spectrum as well I believe that men struggle more often with provoking our children toward discouragement

That's a little bit more in our character and a little bit more our Failure and a little bit more our sin bent, but women can struggle with this as well and yet one of the greatest things a father can offer to his sons and daughters is courage and confidence in Christ Good words that don't just describe our children now

But have the power to make them into what God desires them to be so thinking about these relationships husband wife parents children fathers

In terms of who's king of your family Who's the Lord of your household

Jesus is not just king of the universe King here in the church, but he has some claims on what happens between the members of a family your family

And he has a way that he wants things to go He wants to see wives submitting to loving and kind not harsh husbands

He wants to see children obeying father and mother and fathers who do not discourage their children And so this morning as we come to communion, we need to recognize that even for this

Jesus came to die Even for a restoration and a resetting of the direction that we had in our families

Our most fundamental relationships horizontally can be healed at the cross He didn't just begin to repair our broken vertical relationship with God But he set the process in motion for fixing and fixing our relationships into here and now

So if you're a follower of Christ, and you've asked him to save you And I encourage you to take a moment this morning before you come and take communion and consider where you're where you're at in your

Relationships where you had in your family Think through those things consider and ask

God to show you where you need to mend things where you need to improve things and Pray giving that over to the work of God in you and then come joyfully to remember the sacrifice of Jesus Christ The sacrifice that is now making all things new

Let's pray Father I thank you

Thank you for this word that minds down into the relationships of family and I recognize that Talking about marriage is hard for some people there are some people in the room who are not currently married and Look forward to that or want that and don't have that and so father

I pray that you would press on their hearts the reality of your love for them Even in the midst of a text that is directly addressing husbands and wives

Father for some in the room who would love to be parenting children and have not been able to father I pray that you would calm and give peace and and even give joy in the midst of the difficulty that some are facing

But father I pray that we would all come to this table together as your people Recognizing that we come from a variety of backgrounds a variety of families a variety of households

But we have one Lord one Savior one sacrifice that has been made for us It's a beautiful thing to come together in communion together to around this table and and think in terms of the blood that was shed for us not just me, but us the body that was broken for us and Father that we are united together in a family that you have brought together for your glory and for your

Manifestation of love in this community father. I pray that you would make strong marriages here I thank you for the marriage conference that's coming up this next week father for the studies that the wives and the women are doing here father that you would continue to strengthen and give

Give power to the families here that they might reflect the gospel of Jesus and it's in his name that I pray.