TLP 71: Parents Who Reflect | Peaceful Parenting, Part 3

I don't know about you, but these discussions are really exciting me, because I'm being reminded how amazing life can be when you just do things God's way.

The Ministry Purpose of Truth. Love. Parent

Welcome to Truth. Love. Parent. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, A .M. Brewster.

Welcome back to our series on how to have vibrant, contagious peace in your parenting. I'm your host, A .M. Brewster, and I'm also the lead counselor at Victory Academy for Boys, a boarding home for at-risk teens.

I mention this so you can imagine a slice of what my parenting looks like. And I say parenting on purpose. Every year, up to eight families entrust me to parent their sons for ten months. In many ways, I'm pretty much a professional parent.

Sounds weird to say it, but I think it's true. But don't forget that none of these boys want to be here in my house. They're coming to my home because their parents have no influence in their lives, and they're asking me to have that influence that they can't have at the moment.

And you can imagine it's not a very peaceful experience. And to be honest, I struggle multiple times throughout the year holding on to that peace. I often have eight guys who at various times are working against everything I'm trying to do.

But God is good. And when I trust and obey Him, I experience a level of soul rest I cannot completely explain. But I only experience that, and you will only experience that, when we live the way God's commanded.

One more reminder before we get started, we're going to go look at a lot of Scripture today. I love doing that, and I don't want to overwhelm you, so just remember you can find all the verses I'm going to use today on our episode notes at truthloveparent .com.

Joy in God as the First Peace Prerequisite

Okay, last time we saw that the first peace prerequisite is to have joy that's founded in nothing but God. I encourage you to listen to that episode if you haven't heard it yet, because it's so easy to say that God is the desire of your heart and for Him not to be.

Remember, joy in God in itself is a struggle because we're just so selfish. But we must always start there. It's the real-life application of the first command to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, and strength.

And just like the second greatest command to love our neighbors as ourselves grows from the first, the second peace prerequisite also grows from the first. Let me read the verse from the KJV. Philippians 4 -5 says, "...let your moderation be known unto all men.

The Lord is at hand.". Now, unfortunately, this verse has been misunderstood by many Christians throughout the years. I grew up using the King James Version. I love the language and the feel of the text.

But in Philippians 4 -5, we encounter the word moderation, and I think many modern readers have been confused by that. How does one make his moderation known to all men? Do I wear a shirt that says I only eat chocolate on Thursdays?

Do I vote for the Green Party? I mean, what does that look like? Well, so I tried a different translation, and the ESV doesn't really help too much. The ESV renders the word as reasonableness. Let your reasonableness be made known to all men.

But I really like the way the New American Standard Bible translates this verse. "...let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.". The Greek word in question that is translated gentle in the NASB is used five times in the New Testament, but this is the only time it's used as a noun.

The NASB translates the adjectival form as gentle and adds the word spirit to the noun in Philippians for clarification. Here are a couple Brewster renderings of this verse. "...be gracious to all men.

The Lord is near.". And another may be, "...be fair to all men. The Lord is near.". This little verse with this simple word is so incredibly packed with power, the implications of which can revolutionize our parenting if we take it seriously.

But since this Greek word is only used five times, it may be helpful to check out the other places it's used in order to better understand the word itself. 1 Timothy 3, 2 -3 says, "...an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent, but gentle," there's our word, "...not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.".

Titus 3, 1 -2 instructs us to "...remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling," here's our word, "...to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.".

James 3 -17 teaches us that "...wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy, and good fruits, impartial and sincere.". And 1 Peter 2 -18 says, "...servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the unjust.".

Wow, we could camp out here for weeks. Instead, let's just quickly sketch out the kind of person who lets his gentle spirit be known to all men. But before we do, we must remember that when we encounter lists like these in the Bible, I like to call them sanctification lists, they are not trail mix passages where you can pick out what you like and leave the rest.

I have a friend who refers to trail mix as M &Ms and disappointment, but that's not what we see here. It's not, oh, I like this, and I like that, and the rest doesn't really intrigue me. Everything in each of these lists is extremely important.

Every item, in fact, is a necessity in a spirit-filled life. So, what is a gentle parent going to look like? Well, parents who are gentle are going to be the following things to their family. They're going to be above reproach, faithful to their spouses, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, a good teacher, submissive, obedient, ready for every good work, positive, courteous, wise, pure, peaceable, reasonable, merciful, righteous, impartial, and sincere.

And gentle parents will not be drunkards, violent, quarrelsome, or lovers of money. Can you picture in your sanctified imagination the type of parent who can be categorized as gentle? I mean, really, think about this for a moment.

No, no, no, seriously, for a longer moment. How do you think most children would approach this type of parent? How might this parent be treated? What types of relationships would she have? What kind of mom would she be?

Who would possibly dislike her? Who would argue with him? Are we getting this? Really? The conversations and actions of a gentle parent are vibrantly and dynamically beautiful. Because this parent makes God their greatest joy, they deliberately choose to make His precepts the foundation of their every word and deed.

Because of the relationship they have with God, they choose to have right relationships with everyone God brings into their life. I find myself drawn back to Matthew 22, 37 through 40. Jesus said to him, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. This is why the title of today's episode is Parents Who Reflect. When Moses was overcome by the awesomeness of God, his face shone to all the children of Israel.

It's our joy in God that will reflect outward to our families through our gentleness, our moderation. And I find it hard to believe that this type of parent wouldn't constantly be at peace. Not only would it be difficult for their children to hate them, but when one of their kids decides to act like a terrorist, the parent's response would provide a spiritual barrier between them and the effect of the hatred, and peace would reign.

Christ's Imminence and the Call to Gentleness

But it's important to acknowledge that we're not simply left with a command to be gentle. Paul adds the second concept of divine imminence. Beyond the intentionally sanctified life choices the word gentle implies, we need to make sense of the last part of the verse, the Lord is at hand.

Last time we saw our responsibility to God, but even our responsibility toward man is rooted in our responsibility to God. I cannot be a biblically gentle father outside of a saving relationship with God, and one of the main motivations for my gentleness toward others is the fact that Jesus and His return are imminent.

There are two important concepts involved in Christ's imminence. The first is this, Jesus Himself is spiritually near. We know that God is spiritually present in all places due to His omnipresence. We also know that as believers, God indwells us in a dynamic way that He does not indwell any other part of creation, including unsaved people.

This truth reminds me that my Lord sees all I do and hears all I say in a unique way. He even knows my thoughts and ambitions in a special way. It also brings to mind the special injunction to avoid sin because our bodies have been consecrated to God as a place of worship and service.

1 Corinthians 6, 19 -20 tells us, "...or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price.

Therefore glorify God in your body.". The second reality buried in this concept of Christ's imminence is this, Jesus' return is at hand. The Lord's return to collect His children is imminent. No man knows the hour of His return.

The Gospels are filled with parables concerning the nature of His return and the responsibilities of His people in His absence. Mark 13 provides us a short version,. "...but of that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.

Take heed, keep on the alert, for you do not know when the appointed time will come. It is like a man away on a journey who, upon leaving his house and putting his slaves in charge, assigning to each one his task, also commanded the doorkeeper to stay on the alert.

Therefore be on the alert, for you do not know when the master of the house is coming, whether in the evening, at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or in the morning, in case he should come suddenly and find you asleep.

What I say to you I say to all, be on the alert.". Because we don't know when Jesus will be back to claim His own, and because the Spirit indwells us with His presence and power, we are repeatedly admonished to be faithfully working for the glory of God in this world, so that when He returns, He may bestow on us rewards for our love and loyalty and perseverance.

Gentleness Toward All People, Including Family

Now, before we finish today's study on peace, please take note again of the second divine generality used in this passage. Just as we were admonished to rejoice in God all of the time, so we are commanded to be gentle with all men.

This includes not only our loving spouses and obedient children, but also our selfish spouses and hateful children. Let us look again at the words of our Lord Jesus Christ from Matthew 5, 43 -48. You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.

But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For He causes His Son to rise on the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

Therefore you are to be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect. We have no right to withhold our gentle spirit from anybody. No excuse on the planet is strong enough to undo this all-binding decree of God.

Do your children hate you? Love them. Do your children ignore you? Treat them beautifully. Do your children aggravate and annoy you? Be gentle toward them. Do your children stab you in the back? Forgive and be peaceable.

As staggering as the requirement to be gentle to all men seems, we must believe that it is accessible through the power of God in our lives. Because if it's not doable, then two things become true. First, we are impotent to obey most of the commands in Scripture, and two, we cannot have real peace.

But the Christian knows both of those statements are lies because at the end of our Philippians 4 passage is the famous assertion that we can do all things through Christ, which strengthens us. In addition, the very beginning of 2 Peter informs us that the Holy Spirit who indwells us has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness.

What an amazing promise. Remember, peace is only attainable when we find our deepest sense of fulfillment in God and His plans for our lives. Peace is only attainable when we allow the plan of God to be worked out through our lives and allow our joy in Him to be reflected to our families.

If we do not do this, we will not have the unimaginable soul rest that God has promised us in our parenting. Let me give you a glimpse into how I try to live out my gentle spirit in my parenting. First, I must always speak truth in love.

This means I must speak God's Word and all of God's Word patiently, humbly, kindly, honestly, and optimistically. Second, I try to esteem my children above myself and outdo them in honor. These concepts are seen in Philippians 2, 3 and Romans 12, 10.

This means that I look for ways to serve them and I put their needs above my own. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm a doormat parent. Serving my children by doing what's best for them may mean taking the time to teach them how to make their beds or remake their beds and fix a sloppy second try, then counsel the bad attitude that came from not wanting to make the bed a third time, and then finally assist them in making an acceptable bed.

And thirdly, I continually try to keep before me that not only is my Lord soon returning, but He's right here right now, and He has expectations for my life, and He gives me the power to accomplish it.

Parenting takes a lot of prayer, and my most common prayer nearly every morning is, Dear Lord, help me do what I know is right. I look forward to studying the third piece prerequisite on our next episode and encourage you to subscribe to our podcast so that you don't miss the whole series.

I don't know about you, but these discussions are really exciting to me because I'm being reminded myself from my own parenting how amazing life can be when we just do things God's way. See you next.

Time.

Truth. Love. Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional, premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.