Phil Howard Marriage Session 1 (Part 2)

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Today is part two, Pastor Phil Howard in the first session on marriage held at Bethlehem Bible Church in May of 2024.

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And here he's saying the Spirit -filled life makes you sing, makes you thankful, and then he says, and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

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Does that include men? And be subject to one another.

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I think it does. He's writing to the congregation. Everybody ought to be submitting to one another, preferring one another, just the way the family operates.

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Now, specifically, he's going to go and say, ah, wives, submit to your own husbands because they told you to.

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And all the men said, amen. I could just feel it when

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I came in the room. Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the

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Lord. And you know, if I was a wife, I want to say, but he's a louse and the

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Lord is wonderful. Or he's not perfect, but you understand what

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I said, wife. You do this, make your motive as to the

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Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife. Well, it's saying a lot.

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As Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the Savior of the body.

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But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

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I think that is the most absurd thing in the world.

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Impossible unless you were under the Spirit's control. I don't think you were, unless you were a beat -down slave girl with an

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IQ of zero, that you would embrace that. Oh, this is what

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I've been looking for, an imperfect man to submit to. You know, it's just not like,

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I have three daughters and they'd all be pastors if I let them.

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They're all intelligent. They're all, this isn't being recorded, is it?

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They're all as smart or smarter than the men they marry. I'm sorry.

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They can't match them and yet submit. I think that is a tough assignment.

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I think that without Spirit controlling, no woman could be submissive.

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And here's the thing. Hear me well, men. It seems to be she's submissive not because you're always right.

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She's submissive because of the work of the Lord in her heart. Her submission is ultimately, you get the results of her submitting to the

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Lord. And I think we men need to be sure to give her that credit. Don't make like, if you know it's good for you, you better submit.

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Oh, man. I've never, I never see my dad ever physically hit my mother, but I've seen her hit him because she was

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Irish, full -blooded man. And he just squeezed her so she couldn't hit him anymore.

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You know, no way. I mean, seven children later, lots of pain and suffering.

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No, no, don't. You could never boss her into submission. Women, if you are submissive,

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I assume two things. You love Jesus Christ. And his spirit is filling you.

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And the evidence of it is those things. And I reap the benefit of it.

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And I've done that in my marriage. Jesus does an incredible, remarkable job in the hearts of women who love him.

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Can you trust Christ is the issue. Can you trust Christ? Because it's not easy to be married to men that may not be treating you right, maybe even leading you.

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It's often, I say the line, it's often hard to follow a parked truck. And a lot of women are married to parked trucks.

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The poor guy hadn't led, can't hardly feed the cat. You know, are you leading the home?

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Are you leading her? Or bossing her? Don't boss her.

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Because she has something called a sin nature. And the sin nature in male and female resents being bossed.

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We just get terrible results with it. Don't we? Do you guys ever say amen in church?

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At least notify your face if you're happy. I appreciate that.

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It takes some of the grim out. And then we keep going here.

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If Carolyn tries to leave the room, just grab her. Husbands, love your wives.

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Good. We're going to make love tonight. No, there's not one verse in here about making love tonight.

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There's not one word here that indicates it's physical, biological, sexual.

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It's all because he's talking about Christ and his church. He doesn't have sex with his church.

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He loves his church. And he sacrifices and all like that because males, normal males biologically don't need a command.

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You need to make love. But they're mixed up on lust and love. They're pretty, they're really.

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C .S. Lewis said a philandering man doesn't want a woman. He wants an event.

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He's in pursuit of sex. He doesn't care what her name is.

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Because he's biologically driven. He's not emotionally gripped. That's why sex for sale appeals to men all over the world.

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They don't want a relationship. They don't have the time for a relationship. They're too lazy to be a lover in a marriage.

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So, they'll pay for it. They just want the event, but not a relationship.

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But he says to this guy, to the man that we assume is under the spirit's control, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

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It's a love that will sacrifice for the object of the love. And Christ, I mean, we've never had this happen in history.

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He didn't tell Abraham, love Sarah like Christ. He never told David, love your wife, your twelve wives in the harem like Christ will love his church.

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No standard has any been higher than what he gave Gentile pagan believers and Jewish believers than right here.

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Love your wife like Christ has loved you and he found you at your worst.

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And then all of a sudden, we go into marriage with standards, legalism, judging one another, pride, and just beat the daylights out of each other and call it a

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Christian marriage. Are you kidding? Anathema. Even the pagans can treat each other better than that.

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The standard then is to have your selfishness so conquered that I begin to treat her like Christ has treated me and I fall short constantly.

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But there's the ideal, there's the standard, and you can't pull it off.

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No man can apart from the Spirit's filling ministry. We were born selfish.

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We were born self -centered. But Christ is other -centered and he must sacrifice, sacrifice for the object of his love.

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And here's the standard. Women love the Savior enough that you can trust him to protect you even with an imperfect husband.

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Even like Sarah could trust Abraham who sells her out twice, we know, and God rescues her every time.

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Every time. God is your defender. God will rescue you.

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And husband, marry someone you're willing to sacrifice.

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My daughter and her husband are engaged in a very popular ministry called

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Re -Engage down in Greenville, South Carolina. And they have a standard thing.

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They will not counsel any couple who do not, first of all, convince them that they come with goodwill towards each other, husband towards wife, wife towards husband.

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Can you come together with goodwill in order to counsel, to solve the problems?

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And she gave me something that I wanted to read to you. It's a, I won't read it all, it's a long list.

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And they, one side of it is called proud people. The other is broken people.

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Listen to some of the things. Proud people are quick to blame others.

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Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they are wrong in a situation.

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Too proud people, nobody can ever admit to being wrong. Nobody can ever apologize.

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Because when you're always right. Unapproachable, proud people are unapproachable or defensive when criticized.

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Broken people receive criticism with a humble spirit. Oh, here's one.

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This one was tough in my marriage. When I first married

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Carolyn, she could never say she was sorry because she was always right.

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Like fun. But this is what it says. They have a hard time saying

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I was wrong. Will you please forgive me? Do you ever ask for forgiveness in your marriage?

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The broken people are quick to admit failure and to seek forgiveness when necessary.

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And I'm amazed in some marriages, have you ever asked for forgiveness? No. Do you ever say you love her?

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I said that 20 years ago at the altar and it stands on revote.

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You probably heard about the guy that having trouble in the marriage and went to the counselor and they're there and after they counseled for a while, finally the counselor got up and he went over and he kissed the wife and she just lit up and just wow, just was transformed.

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And the husband said, what in the world did you do? He said, you see? I just simply kissed her.

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He said, she needs that probably, probably three times a week at least.

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He said, well, I could only bring her in two days a week. You know, get a clue.

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And some of you guys, if you would just apologize and put a lip lock on her once in a while, it'd be a miracle.

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Yeah, I can only get her in twice a week. Well, I think because we're about out of time.

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We've got 10 minutes. Keep going. I told you never speak during that.

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In our church, I cannot tell you how many, when I started church, all

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God gave me was a bunch of hippies and they didn't have a clue about anything.

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You know, the 60s are winding up, 71, and poor

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Carolyn, I had to use her for everything, for illustration, because girls didn't know how to dress.

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You know, they knew how to smoke pot and knew how to have sex and that was about it.

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And we had a teacher, what it looked like to be a Christian. What a joy it was.

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He goes on through here to talk about the husband, if he can love the wife as much as he loves his body, for to love her is like loving his body.

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And then I forget the couple's name. It's a hard last name. They wrote the book on love and respect that the woman wants to be loved and the man wants to be respected because he ends this section with, nevertheless, let each individual,

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I brought this family Bible because I want bigger print. Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife, even as himself, and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.

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And that seems to be the tension. The man will feel disrespected and that goes down and then he withholds love, the battle.

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And it's always who's going to break the gridlock first, who's going to make the first move.

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The smartest will make the first move. My dad used to tell us kids, the smartest one of you will be quiet first.

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And most of us remained imbeciles. So the

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Christian marriage is furnished with divine power, is furnished with a divine example,

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Christ. You know, when you bring

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Christ into a marriage, and when he becomes the umpire, the goal is no longer to conquer, it's to emulate.

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It's never been the goal of my marriage to conquer my wife. I don't,

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I can't conquer something that God had already conquered. The Savior came first.

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And the goal of all of our lives ought to be to humble ourself and say, I'm nothing like what's described there.

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I'm not necessarily a submissive person. I could be a nag, an arguer, all that.

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What are you like? What is there about you that your wife and your children could say, that reminds me of Christ?

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I have to tell you, it's tough being a pastor, and for me, raising three daughters.

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Because you see, I could win all arguments with my wife. I could not talk my wife ten to one, because she's a quieter, introvertish type by nature.

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And I'm a talker, and like to win arguments.

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But, you know what I found? It's having to live it out, so that my daughters wouldn't throw up the

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Christianity they were seeing on display in the kitchen, not in the pulpit. The hardest place,

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I went to an alumni meeting at Dallas Seminary, where Chuck Swindoll was teaching, and he had nine things he was telling us alumni guys we needed to do to stay effective in ministry.

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And guess what he said? He said, the number one battle in your life will be your home, and not your pulpit.

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Because, you know what? I don't care if the church wants me, if you vote me out, as long as those three girls vote for me.

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And they say, dad's real. Dad treats mom right. Dad isn't the bully.

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Daddy is not Mr. Moses dictating. And so I had to apologize the most in the home.

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I had to apologize to daughters, because I was quick to spank. I grew up with spankings.

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I'm pre -Spock. My daddy couldn't spell Spock, but he sure could spell a bell.

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Boom. Five boys, two girls. He didn't grow up.

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Proverbs spoke louder than Spock. But I would be quick, especially my oldest girl.

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I wanted her to be just so -so. And my wife, one day she said, you know what?

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She said, how much money do we give Deborah for allowance? Five dollars then. She's eight or nine years old.

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She said, do you know what she does every week? I said, no.

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She said, every week she spends two and a half dollars to buy your sermon tape.

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And she has to come home and face your harshness. I wouldn't spend a dime on your tape, because I don't know if she's seen

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Christ or if she's seen an angry father. You ought to become pastors.

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And you ought to have a house full of kids, so that when they're 20, you say, you know your father was the epitome of Ephesians 5.

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You saw me sacrifice. Ask yourself, men, how many sacrifices have you made for your wife?

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Is it a way of life? I've read this at times and said, I can't remember a sacrifice in my life.

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No sacrifice to feed her. You know, I bring home the bacon. What would you eat if you weren't married?

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I think you would. Don't blame it that she could eat twice as much as you.

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Just keep working. Time out. We've got four minutes. You take a break.

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Well, that wraps up Marriage Seminar, part two of the session number one.

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Can you figure that out? Pastor Phil Howard, we've got coming up his second marriage session, Q &As as well.

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You can write me, info at NoCompromiseRadio .com. Or Spencer, you can write Mike at NoCompromiseRadio .com.