Love Your Wives

Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry coming to you from Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.

No Compromise Radio is a program dedicated to the ongoing proclamation of Jesus Christ, based on the theme in Galatians 2, verse 5, where the

Apostle Paul said, But we did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour, so that the truth of the gospel would remain with you.

In short, if you like smooth, watered -down words to make you simply feel good, this show isn't for you.

By purpose, we are first biblical, but we can also be controversial. Stay tuned for the next 25 minutes as we're called by the

Divine Trumpet to summon the troops for the honor and glory of her King. Here's our host, Pastor Mike Abendroth.

Welcome to No Compromise Radio ministry. Today is, how do you say Tuesday in Espanol? Huevos or something?

Huevos. Huevos. Huevos. Huevos.

Huevos. Huevos. Huevos.

Huevos. Huevos. Huevos. We did Maundy Thursday, and that was communion service because Passover.

Then Friday we had the Good Friday service, which is fine to have. Our particular

Lutheran church, Steve, they had a big black kind of curtain -y kind of thing, veil.

And then at the very end, after they talked about the death of Jesus on Good Friday— They dropped the veil. And you had to walk out of church mournfully.

Austin Duncan said that Good Friday services at Grace Community Church are his favorite service.

Wow. Favorite. Is it okay to have a favorite service that's not a Lord's Day service? I don't know.

Anyway, we could have another. My kids said, Dad, why don't we have a Good Friday service? I said, we have in the past. We could again.

It's abiblical. It's not non -biblical. I mean, it's not anti -biblical. You can have a service every day of the week if you wanted, but make sure you have them on the

Lord's Day. Yeah. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I mean. But anyway, just before I forget, then on Sunday, the pastor would go over and he had some scissors because I had to sit up front sometimes because I was an acolyte.

I lit the candles. And I could see that. Does that mean troublemaker? I could see the fishing line, you know, that was all up there.

And then if he cut a couple of the fishing, you know, the test line just rightly, then it would fall down.

The veil, black veil would, and he would say, he is risen. And we'd all say he is risen indeed. Christos anasti, or whatever they say in Greek.

Did he ever mess it up? You know, cut the curtain. See, here's what would happen to me.

I'd cut the curtain and it would fall on me. I mean, I had the black veil, right? All right.

Yeah. Well, maybe there's a good illustration there, imputed righteousness or something. Maybe the white veil would fall on you.

That'd be good. And I'd be still trying to disentangle myself and tell people to leave quietly.

They'd be laughing. So that's at the ELC, LCA, Lutheran, fairly liberal church.

What did you do for Easter Resurrection Sunday in the Mormon church? I don't even remember.

Do they even celebrate it or that's verboten? Oh, no, we celebrate it. I mean, you know, I can remember

I would get candy when I was a kid. Mom would get these special kind of speckled jelly beans and different things.

So yeah. Okay. I remember that. Did you get those at church? No, no. At home. Instead of communion?

Do they have communion at Mormon church? Yeah. Every week it's called sacrament. Yeah. Okay. And you get bread and juice?

Water. Seriously? Yeah. Water. I did not know that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I used to prepare the communion.

Yeah. Because that's what teachers do. I mean, don't even ask, but teachers, 14 years old, 14 and 15, would prepare the communion, which is to say that they would put the bread and we would have like regular white bread that they would shred.

Do they have shredders? No, we do it by hand. Okay. Because you can't cut it. You have to be...

I don't know why. That's just what we did. And then the priest, 16, 17, 18, would kneel and read.

There's a specific prayer that we would pray. To consecrate the bread. Yeah. And then they would pass it around and then we would do the same thing with the water.

And if you got one word wrong, maybe if you like hesitate or something, one word, maybe you can get away with it.

But if you started making a hash of it, you'd look over at the bishop and he'd go, and you'd have to do it again.

Sometimes it could take three or four times to get it right. What you couldn't see on radio was Steve shaking his head in disgust as he played the bishop.

They'd give you the like, come on, man. Just because you'd hate to have the communion water not blessed properly.

That's right. And if a visitor came and I wanted to put my hand out for the communion water, would they give me some water?

Electroshock. Oh, nice. I didn't know that. Well, you know, it was for, here's an odd thing too, because it was for members.

So you could have kids, but sometimes parents would let their little ones have it.

But generally speaking, it was for members and we wouldn't wait on one another. It was just be like, the tray would come and you just eat it or you drink the water and put it in there.

It was kind of do it yourself. Okay. Grab and run or something. Ring and run. Yeah. Dine and dash.

Well, it's interesting to me, I'm sure there are churches that don't have this, but when I'm at a Roman Catholic church and they have mass,

I regularly see, I think every single time I see, let's say a funeral mass or a regular mass.

People go up to receive the host and after they receive it, so they walk down the middle, right?

And then they go up to the altar, they kneel, et cetera, put their hands out. The priest gives it, you know, based on the authority vested in me and I promise you since forgiven go in peace, serve the

Lord, whatever they say. And then they walk out around the side and they keep walking. They just walk right out to the car because in my mind,

I'm thinking they got what they needed and that is the most important thing was the sacrament. And so why do I need to stick around for the last dirge?

After that they're done, right? I know. So that's kind of almost Mormon like, except I did not know about the water.

I told you I had to use Diet Coke one time for a wedding communion wine because I couldn't find any juice around here and I not planned like, you're going to be doing a wedding here soon.

Yeah. And you've done enough weddings now where you just have it kind of down. What do I need? I need to have the wedding certificate.

I need to have my Bible, my notes, et cetera, the right tie matching, you know, I've had my smile on, shaved, shine shoes, you know,

I'm going to be up there officiating. But you don't usually think, oh, is there any wine around or juice? No.

So I said to the couple, you know what? I don't have this, but when you taste it, the only thing

I had in the refrigerator that was dark colored, because I wasn't a Mormon and could only use, I could have used water that would have been nice, was

Diet Coke. So we put the Diet Coke in there and nobody knew but them. And ever since then,

I wouldn't let them do communion by themselves anyway, because communion is for the whole church. That was dumb. That served me

Diet Coke right. Diet right. It served me Diet Coke right. Do you drink

Diet Coke anymore? Well, you know what, I must confess, oh,

I got some for that meeting that we were at, that building meeting here. Yeah. And you liked it. Yeah. That cherry Diet Coke.

Yeah. It was pretty good. I usually, if I'm going to have a Diet Soda, I don't drink as much soda as I used to, but if I'm going to have a

Diet Soda, I try to make it Coke Zero, because I really like Coke Zero. How about Diet Mountain Dew?

I haven't had one of those in years. You know, when I was in seminary, man, anything with caffeine.

So Diet Mountain Dew was big time, because I mean, I was struggling to stay awake, you know, so.

I remember that. Steve, if you had to preach this passage, what would the machinations in your mind be the prior week?

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Colossians chapter three, verse 19.

What would be the machinations in my mind? In other words, you know, we have to get up and preach and you know, you get to Ephesians five and you realize husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church.

And then you realize how far we fall short. How do you preach that?

Well, this harsh thing, I just saw a video. This is funny that you mentioned this. I just saw a video posted by somebody for other means, but it was a

Muslim and he was teaching and he had a young man in front of him, but he was like, he was teaching people or demonstrating how you could beat your wife in Islam.

As long as you didn't strike her in the face or the nose or, you know, he had all these rules about, you know, it'd be perfectly fine to sock her in the shoulder or, you know, as you said last week, creamer, cream somebody.

Yeah, it'd be perfectly fine. But it wouldn't be okay to strike her in the face or the head or, you know, he had all these and refinements.

He goes, it's actually very loving to do these things and I'm watching, so I might use that as an illustration.

You know. What not to do. Yeah. He goes, you know, talking about being harsh with your wife, so, you know, do not be harsh.

Well, what does that really mean? And I'd say we're to live with our wives in an understanding way and we're to live understanding that they're the weaker vessel.

I talk about all those things, you know, what does it mean that she's the weaker vessel? You know, there might be some wives who can do more pushups than their husbands, you know, that kind of thing.

But that's not what the passage is talking about physically weak. It has to do with how they tend to be, and this isn't true of all people, but they tend to be more emotional, more prone to having their feelings hurt, that kind of thing.

So I would go through all that sort of thing as I thought about what it means to be harsh, how we should not be harsh.

And what's the flip side of that, you know, I think is the Ephesians 5, be loving.

In NAS, because I read to you the ESV, now the NAS Colossians 3, 19 says, husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

And you know, of course, if you've got someone who's under your authority and they don't do what you want or they're sinful in what they do do, then it's easy to become embittered toward them.

And when it comes to wives, they're told to respect their husbands, and it's hard to respect someone who's a leader, who's not perfect.

But what I was after, Steve, is this. If I got up to preach that, I'd be thinking to myself, how many times

I don't love my wife? How many times I am selfish? How can

I get up there and tell the congregation, husbands love your wives, when that's something

I regularly think to myself, I'd like to be better at that. How do you do that? Well, you know, that's something that goes on all week, right?

As you prepare and as you read things and you just go, okay, I don't do this.

I need to do this better. Or you even find yourself talking to your wife during the week and just kind of going, okay, how can

I talk to her that way or think about talking to her that way? And then I'm going to get up in the pulpit, you know, on Sunday morning and say, don't do this, guys.

Out of any time that I would fall on the sword at the beginning of a sermon, which you know me,

I don't really do that that often because I think we're heralds and we proclaim. And as you rightly said in the study all week, the

Lord has his proverbial finger on your sternum saying, you know what, you don't measure up and we flee for forgiveness and repent and we want to do the right thing and ask

God to cleanse us. So I don't like to get up there and say, well, you know, we all fall short in this.

We all are doped with this and I'm just like you and, you know, we're supposed to evangelize and I have a hard time too and pride, but I don't like to do that.

I don't think that's preaching really. I think that's like therapy. But I probably would fall on the sword on this one.

A congregation, how would you like to be me today and get up and with your wife on the front row say, husbands, love your wives and don't be embittered toward them?

And have to say that. How could it be possible? Well, Christian, here's the good news.

The Lord Jesus, he loved his wife, he loved his bride and he has forgiven me for those times that I have not loved

Kim and he sees me as a son and a brother and I'm here to tell you that I fall short in these areas and I've asked him even this week, honey, thank you for being patient with me.

Thank you for forgiving me. Please forgive me for these issues and those issues and I just have to get up and be faithful to this text and preach it because that's what

I'm called to do. And if I have to be perfect in order to preach it, then there's no preacher ever for this passage.

Does that make sense? Yeah, I agree. And, you know, part of like that particular one about being harsh,

I think one of the reasons, you know, probably sinfully that it would be easier for me than other passages because I just think, okay, compared to how

I used to be, right, if I set myself as a standard, which is always a problem. Dun, dun, dun, dun.

I'm a lot less harsh than I ever was, you know, and in fact, I'll laugh sometimes because Janet will say jokingly, you know, you're always yelling at me because she knows

I never yell at her, you know. Remember we had some people in the office here and later they said

I yelled at them and my wife knew it wasn't true because when I get mad,

I don't yell. I get really quiet when I get mad. So anyway. Yes, it's more like,

I am now going to crush you. Do you see the skull on my desk?

That was from the last person who talked like you did. Well, here's why

I'm leading this conversation. I met someone in Portland a while ago at a conference and they, he and his wife were getting recruited by some of the leaders of the church to do some, you know, marriage counseling and some helping married couples with life on life stuff.

And he, this particular man who's become my friend, was reticent because he wanted his marriage to be better in order for him to minister to other couples.

And I said, I don't really know what's going on behind the scenes between you and your wife, but if the leaders of your church are asking you to do this, they must see something that they like, even though we all have our problems behind the scenes and we say things we wish we wouldn't have, et cetera.

But I said, I think, I think you've been married for 30 years and probably have some wisdom to offer these young couples, even if that wisdom is, here's what

I regularly do. Don't be stupid and do that. Yeah. Or like, you know what I mean?

Because we meet with couples that have been married less than us, less amount of time than us all the time.

And you know, sometimes it's, you listen to him and you go, yeah, I remember those days, you know, and you, and you can just kind of say, well, okay, when

I felt that way, when I thought that way, here's how I did. And some of the things

I did weren't so smart. So let me just tell you some of the things that I've learned along the way. It reminds me,

Steve, of, excuse me, the pastoral epistles and qualifications for the role of elder.

Paul knew how to say sinless, right? Because he talks about Jesus as sinless and blameless and Peter knew how to say that.

And James knew how to say that, but Paul writes instead above reproach and above reproach can't mean never sin.

Above reproach can't mean, uh, you know, Keswick sinless perfection.

So how does that factor into this? Because it just says, you know, that you have to know how to run your household well.

You know, your children have to be under control, et cetera, et cetera. And I think there's a sense not in which you ever, here's what

I would say for an elder. It's not that you never sin against your wife. It's that when you do, you recognize that and you make it right.

You know, it's the man who can keep short accounts with his wife and you know, who does go out of his way.

I mean, I was telling you earlier, I read a story a couple of days ago about a friend of mine who was an atheist and did something really wonderful and thoughtful and really took a lot of planning and effort and everything for his wife.

And I just thought, I can't get guys to do that. Christian men. Yes. And I'm like, how is it that he understands that, you know, and I just think it frustrates me sometimes, you know, the, uh, how selfish,

I mean, recognizing that I've been selfish in my own way. I mean, listen, world record selfish, especially before I got saved, but it is incumbent upon us as husbands to not be selfish.

It takes effort and work. And you know, so when it's talking about live with your wives in an understanding way and love your wives and do all these kinds of things, that means not emoting.

It means working. It means getting to know them. I think back to seminary, you know, um, plan the perfect date for your wife.

Right. Right. And there were some guys who were just like, I have no idea.

Well, if you've never talked to your wife, if you've never drawn her out and found out what she likes and doesn't like, well, no wonder, but shame on you.

Steve, I've done so many dumb things as a husband. I can think of one in particular that was really crystallizing in my mind.

You know, I like to work out and I probably say six to seven days a week. I try to do some type of exercise.

And usually when I do that exercise, like last night I went to the gym and then I try to get some work done, read a little thing, blah, blah, blah.

And I like to work out. Then I thought to myself, you know what, I'm saying to my wife, honey, but I have to go work out and I really need this for my mental, you know,

I got to wake up a little bit and I have to go study. I learned Greek and Hebrew and other things at the gym at Gold's Gym in California.

I have to go work out. I have to go work out. And then she's like, well, you know, I like to go work out too.

For me to have the dawning where, you know what, what do I like? I like to be able to go work out regularly.

Would my wife ever like that? Is that important for her? We've got the three little kids in the house and does she want to get out and have some exercise and this, that, and the other?

And that was a, it was a good moment, but it was a humbling moment. Like duh. Oh, that was a real

Mike, you're stupid moment. Duh. You ever think about asking your wife, would you like to go to the gym?

Honey, you know, I know that's important to you too, you know, or even as you said earlier, is that important to you?

Would you like to do that? I remember what Danny Aikman once said, you know, I like to say to my wife, how can I serve you today? I like to say that to Kim.

Is there anything I can do for you today? Right. How can I serve you today? And she's just like, oh, you're just saying that to say it.

Well, which is better than, she didn't say that, maybe she thinks that it's better than not saying it.

That's true. Just because I'm too prideful to say, well, somebody taught me that. That's true. Right. All right.

Well, Mike Abendroth here with Steve Cooley on No Compromise Radio, talking about just how do you get up and preach things that you haven't mastered, maybe is a good way to put it.

How about this, Steve? If you had to do a conference on the

Holy Spirit or a conference on marriage, what would you rather do as the conference speaker?

Holy Spirit. So true. Because, you know, if I do one on marriage, they're going to think

I have everything wired. I know. So, all right, let's keep going. Because I have one on the Holy Spirit coming up soon in New Zealand, and I have one on marriage coming up later in Burbank this summer.

How about would you rather do one on eschatology or marriage? Marriage.

That's not true. It is true. No, no, this does not fit my narrative.

No, I would, sorry, I would have to disagree there. Oh man. So I'm already fretting this thing.

You know, I do things, you know, sovereignty of God, Calvinism, preaching.

But here's what makes a marriage thing easy, right? Is you could just give all kinds of negative examples, right?

Just really horrific negative examples, and you go, don't do that. Well, it's only about 20 ,000 words in, and I stopped writing it about six years ago.

But I began to write a book on parenting, and I hated writing a book on parenting because my kids weren't even out of the house, and they hadn't even all professed

Christ. And I always dog people who wrote books on parenting when their kids were little, yiddle.

But here was my take, and maybe I even told you about it. All the chapters are there, all the data's there, it's half written, a third written.

Common parenting mistakes, and kind of subplot of how Christ and His righteousness, you know, can apply, and how the gospel makes this, you know, livable.

But I said at the very beginning, you know, you need to be an expert on your subject before you write a book, and I'm an expert in the subject of making parenting mistakes.

Well, let's see, you could use that at the marriage conference. You know what? I'm writing that down right now. You're welcome.

Common marriage mistakes. That is a great idea. And you know why?

Because everybody in the room will be like nodding, you know, at least half the people in the room. I'm giving the wives a special gift at the door as they come in.

I've cleared this with the pastor there. They all get elbow pads, so when they rib their husband, it doesn't hurt quite as much.

See, I told you. So, you're officiating a wedding here soon, right?

Yes, I am. You have all that stuff ready and everything? I'm working on it. I mean, you know, it's interesting, you know, when you meet with the guy for the second time and you're like finding out that, oh, the wedding isn't being held at the church.

Just little things like that. That's good. That's why you meet ahead of time. Can you imagine if you're going to meet at the rehearsal and you go to the church and it's not at the church?

That would be sad. No. Sad times. You do whatever you want because you're in charge of the wedding. I don't let them write their own vows.

Do you let people write their own vows? And I was very explicit about that and why, you know. Yeah. Do you,

I've been reading the bands lately, the B -A -N -N -E -S, you know, does anybody here know anything? I'll speak now for everyone.

Oh, yeah. Do you do the bands? Uh, you know, I haven't before, so I probably won't.

In the old days, they would post that marriage, soon to be marriage on the, you know, hallway or whatever.

And then they'd read the bands. And I don't know. I just kind of, I put in as much like old school, um,

I'm trying to remember the guy's name who did the, uh, Anglican kind of prayer book stuff, common, common prayer book.

I don't know. He's got a name. It's not Thomas Hooker, but it's somebody like that. Yeah. I don't know. Who, who was the, who was the

Anglican? I think it was Joe Hooker. Oh, wait, wait. He was a general.

One day, one day, Steve, I got up and I was quoting people and, you know, quoting the, quoting the

Puritan, Thomas Watson, quoting the Puritan, you know, at least who I thought was a Puritan at the time, Richard Baxter, uh, quoting the

Puritan, uh, Shepherd. And I got up there and I said, quoting the Puritan Hooker, what do you mean the

Puritan Hooker? Things that seem incongruous. Uh huh. Mike Abendroth here with Steve Cooley. Steve, I'm glad to see you again for the

Tuesday show and we'll see you on the YouTube channel, No Compromise Radio, where you've got your

YouTube up. Yeah. Millions of hits. No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Abendroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.

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