TLP S00-E7: Stop Being the Leader! | how God expects parents to "lead" their family

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But the biggest lesson here, did you catch it? Leadership is over -glorified.

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See, we're told that we all need to be leaders, but that would be really ineffective. Welcome to Truth.

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Love. Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. Thank you for joining me today. I greatly appreciate you spending this time with me.

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And I'm thankful for all of you who subscribe and share and partner with us as we apply God's truth to the human experience.

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I encourage you to check out evermindministries .com for more ways to partner with us. You can also visit us on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.

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And while you're on Twitter, swing by and say hi at ambrewster. Today's topic is a little counterintuitive.

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Today's show is called Stop Being the Leader. That's right, mom and dad, you need to stop being the leader in your home.

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Nearly every parenting issue stems from mom and or dad being too good of a leader.

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And I know this is hard to hear because Christian parents, especially dads, can't wake up or spill their coffee without hearing about leadership.

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But we really need to understand what leadership is because I think the more we learn about it, the easier it will be to accept that neither parent should try to be the leader in the home.

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A number of years ago, I was introduced to Leadership Lessons from Dancing Guy by Derek Sivers and it completely revolutionized my understanding of leadership.

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I have no reason to believe that Mr. Sivers is a Christian and though nothing he said in this video was a quote from the

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Bible, he still made some extremely biblical observations about leadership that I'd like to borrow and apply directly to us as parents.

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To start though, let's find a good definition of leader. I always like to turn to Merriam -Webster and that particular dictionary says that a leader is a person who has commanding authority or influence.

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I think we'd all agree with that definition. The leader is usually where the buck stops. The big dog, the head honcho, the big cheese.

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The leader is the popular personality people flock to. The leader is the big thinker. The leader has lots of followers and parents are encouraged to be that guy.

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Make a difference. Don't be a follower of the world, but a mover and a shaker for right in your home.

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But is it possible that that admonition to leadership couldn't be more wrong? We saw what it means to be a leader.

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Let's also consider the definition of a follower. Merriam -Webster told me that a follower is one in the service of another, one that follows the opinions or teachings of another, one that imitates another.

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And I think you're sharp enough to see where we might be going with this. But wait, you say, we have to be a light, salt, and a bold testimony in this world which leads people to the

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Savior. We can't do that if we're simply following. We can't do that unless we're stepping out there and making a difference and being a leader.

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Well, before we continue, I want to take the next three minutes just to listen to a very insightful lesson from a follower of the

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Shirtless Dancing Guy. What you're about to hear is the audio from Derek Seiver's first follower,

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Leadership Lessons from Dancing Guy. He presented this at the beginning of a TED Talk, if I'm not mistaken.

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I will include a link to the video in the description if you'd like to watch it later. Honestly, some of you may not want to watch it based solely on the title, but either way,

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I believe you'll understand exactly what's going on after I set the stage. This video was shot on someone's low -res video camera.

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The person taking the video is at some kind of concert. Though the video never actually shows who's performing, you can hear the music in the background.

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What undoubtedly caught the recorder's eye was this shirtless guy on the lawn dancing.

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You can't see my fingers right now, but I'm making those quote fingers. And I say quote -unquote dancing because he's moving his body in a rhythmic sort of way, but I don't think anyone else has seen this kind of dancing before.

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It's silly. It's just crazy. And as Derek points out, the shirtless dancing guy might actually be considered by most of the people there on the lawn as a lone nut.

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All right, so with that and your amazing imagination, let's listen. If you've learned a lot about leadership and making a movement, then let's watch a movement happen start to finish in under three minutes and dissect some lessons.

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First, of course, a leader needs the guts to stand alone and look ridiculous, but what he's doing is so simple, it's almost instructional.

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This is key. You must be easy to follow. Now here comes the first follower with a crucial role.

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He publicly shows everyone else how to follow. Notice how the leader embraces him as an equal.

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So it's not about the leader anymore. It's about them, plural. Notice how he's calling to his friends to join in.

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So he takes guts to be a first follower. You stand out and you brave ridicule yourself. Being a first follower is an underappreciated form of leadership.

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The first follower transforms a lone nut into a leader. If the leader is the flint, the first follower is the spark that really makes the fire.

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Now here's the second follower. This is a turning point. It's proof the first has done well. Now it's not a lone nut and it's not two nuts.

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Three is a crowd and a crowd is news. A movement must be public. Make sure outsiders see more than just the leader.

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Everyone needs to see the followers because new followers emulate followers, not the leader. Now here come two more people, then three more immediately.

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Now we've got momentum. This is the tipping point and now we have a movement. As more people jump in, it's no longer risky.

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If they were on the fence before, there's no reason not to join in now. They won't stand out, they won't be ridiculed, and they will be part of the in crowd if they hurry.

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And over the next minute you'll see the rest who prefer to stay part of the crowd because eventually they'd be ridiculed for not joining.

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And ladies and gentlemen, that is how a movement is made. So let's recap what we've learned. If you are a version of the shirtless dancing guy all alone, remember the importance of nurturing your first few followers as equals, making everything clearly about the movement, not you.

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Be public, be easy to follow. But the biggest lesson here, did you catch it?

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Leadership is over glorified. Yes, it started with the shirtless guy and he'll get all the credit, but you saw what really happened.

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It was the first follower that transformed a lone nut into a leader. There's no movement without the first follower.

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See, we're told that we all need to be leaders, but that would be really ineffective. The best way to make a movement, if you really care, is to courageously follow and show others how to follow.

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When you find a lone nut doing something great, have the guts to be the first person to stand up and join in.

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Now, what you couldn't see was that by the time the video ended, nearly everybody on the lawn, everyone within the scope of the video camera's lens, was there and they had joined the shirtless dancing guy in this huge, strangely dancing crowd.

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And you know, it is a crazy video. I would kind of encourage you to check it out. But the key thing is that I love

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Mr. Seiver's first follower concept. This is exactly what we're called to do in this life.

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And no, I'm not suggesting we be the shirtless dancing guy's first follower. What is it

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Jesus did when he came to this earth? Everything he said and did was an obedience to the

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Father's will. Jesus was a follower. In fact, he was the perfect first follower.

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And we're called to be the first follower of Christ. Do you remember what the definition of follower is?

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And I quote, one in the service of another. Yeah, that's us.

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It goes on to say, one that follows the opinions or teachings of another. Yep, that's us again.

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And lastly, it said, one that imitates another. I think we've got it.

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Now, some may accuse me of playing word games. Is it possible I'm playing with semantics? I don't think so.

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I believe the practical definition of leadership that's pervading our culture as one with a leader is the end -all.

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If we look back at the dictionary definition, we see a person with authority. But really, what's our authority?

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It's not in us. Our authority is not our own. It's vested in our true leader. And I believe our calling is much higher and more important than merely being a leader.

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We are to be servants and followers of Christ. Is it true that our calling includes being salt and light to our family?

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Well, definitely. Is it true that we need to be a fisher of men every day? But we must remember while we're doing what we're doing, we're encouraging others to follow our example, not because we're so great, but because our leader is.

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We need to be God's first follower to our spouses and children. We need to model a lifestyle that invites them to follow him with you.

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Paul did this same thing in 1 Corinthians 11. He said, be imitators of me. That sounds awful lot like a leader saying, follow me.

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But he continues and says, just as I also am of Christ. You imitate me just as I imitate

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Christ. Intentional premeditated parents know who the real leader is, and they do everything they can to follow him and bring as many people along with them as possible.

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So what does being a first follower look like at home? I'm just going to give you five quick considerations.

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Number one, make God a big deal in your home. And let's be honest, this has got to be more than just praying before a meal or praying before bed.

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If God is going to be a big deal in your home, what's that going to look like? Well, think about the other big deals in your home.

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Maybe the Super Bowl is a big deal in your home. Yeah, well, that happens once a year and you know the prep time and the preparation that goes into that.

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Do you put that same time and preparation into making God a big deal in your home? Because if I truly am following God, then

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I need to be preoccupied with what he wants for my life today. Number two, make God a deal outside of your home.

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It's not just in the house, in the four walls of our home, God's a big deal. It has to be outside.

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Because if I'm truly following Christ, it's not just going to affect me when I'm at home, when no one else can see me.

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It's going to affect me when I go out shopping. It's going to affect me when I'm driving down the road. That's such a tough one for me, because I tell you,

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I don't lose my sanctification faster as when I'm driving a car. Because when I'm behind the wheel of a car, it's not about God anymore.

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It's about me. And that guy's keeping me from getting where I want to go. That guy's being a hazard.

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That guy's going too slow. And it becomes about me. It doesn't become about God. So if I want to be a good first follower to my family,

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I need to make God a big deal inside my home and outside of my home. Now, more specifically, I need to, number three, tie my commands back to God's commands.

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And this is hard. I think as you go through your parenting and you go through the things in your life that you've asked your children to do, you're going to realize that a lot of your commands are just that.

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They're yours. They might be good commands. They might be commands that God himself would actually support, but the reason you've commanded them is for you and not for God.

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So what does this look like? If God is such a big deal, and I'm trying to follow him in all things, then when

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I have my children keep their rooms clean, I should be able to explain why it is that pleases the

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Lord. It's not just about me not wanting your room to be dirty.

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If I put a limit on the amount of time my children can play on electronic devices, I've got to be able to tie that back to God's truth.

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We're limiting our time on devices because we want to glorify God. And I need to not just be able to say that to my children,

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I need to be able to show it because God's a big deal. So I need to tie all my commands back to God's commands.

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And if I find that I have a command that isn't God's command or that I can't tie back to God's command, so for example,

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I get home from work and I just want you to leave me alone because I'm tired.

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Go play, go someplace else. That's going to be kind of hard to justify that type of behavior every single day.

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Definitely not from God's word. And what I'm going to find is as I look at my commands that I put onto my family,

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I'm going to realize that one's motivated by me because in that instant I wanted to be the leader.

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It was about my authority and that's not being a first follower. So we want to make

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God a big deal in the home and outside of the home. We can do that by tying our commands back to God. We can also do that by pointing our discipline back to God.

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You know, in those times when the commands aren't followed, our kids have got to know that they're not being disciplined because they got in our way.

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They're not being disciplined because they didn't worship us. They're not being disciplined because even to a degree they didn't obey us.

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I mean, yes, that's true. They didn't obey us. But ultimately, like Joseph said, their sin goes back to their sin against God.

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So what does this look like? Well, I always try to remind my children anytime I have to meet out a consequence that the reason this consequence is coming into our lives is that God wants them to understand that sin hurts.

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Sin always hurts. It destroys. It is a cancer that eats away at everything it touches.

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And you never just hurt yourself. You always hurt those around you as well. So I try without fail to tie that consequence back to the reality that God wants us to know that there's a penalty for our sin and sin is always going to hurt.

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This keeps me really focused on the truth in the moment and the truth being that this is about God.

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This is about your relationship with Him and the fact that you have sinned against Him. It's not about the fact that you've annoyed me or that you've bothered me or you've done something that stepped on the toes of my authority.

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I'm following Christ. You should be following Christ with me. Let me help you do that. And so lastly, the great way that we can be first followers in the home is to surround our fun with God.

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This is a huge deal because I think it's really actually very sad. God becomes this very stern, somber, serious thing in our house.

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We pray before meals. Everyone be quiet. We have our family devotion times, which are great. Everyone be quiet.

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There's a time that we're talking about God after you've gotten in trouble and you need to be quiet. But when it comes to having fun, the whole concept of God goes out the window.

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But if we truly are God's first follower, if we truly are here to be about our Father's business, then there is going to be a lot of fun that is going to be had relationally.

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There are a lot of great things that are gonna be done, vacations that are gonna be taken, all to the glory of God.

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And if I really want to be a first follower, if I want my children to see my life and imitate me as I imitate Christ, and so therefore themselves become imitators of Christ, I'm gonna have to make sure

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I'm consistent in that, that whether I'm having a good time with my kids playing a game, or I'm mowing the lawn, or I'm heading off to work in the morning and saying goodbye to their mother, regardless of what it is,

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I am following Christ. I'm doing that for Him and not for me because I am not the ultimate authority.

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So, if you'd like more specific help for learning how to be the first follower in your home, please send us an email to counselor at evermindministries .com.

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I want to thank you for clicking play today. I'll see you next time as we all search God's truth in order to become more intentional premeditated parents.

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Truth. Love. Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's word for the truth your family needs today.