Love And Marriage - [Matthew 5:30-31]

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If it wasn't for the fact that we go verse by verse through the Bible, I would never preach on today's topic.
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When you think about what you get to preach on, I would preach on something about the sovereignty of God and salvation, something about God's electing love, something about Christ's love for us, the church.
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But if I had to pick, I would never preach a sermon on marriage, divorce, and remarriage.
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But I'm not like Jesus, and he thought it was very practical, very relevant, and very important.
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And I believe we should preach the Bible verse by verse by verse, every subject, every topic.
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And so today, if you'll open your Bibles to Matthew chapter 5, we will bring up a topic that maybe is very hurtful to many, painful to some, but instructive to all, what the
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Bible says about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Matthew chapter 5.
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E. Lawson said, 50 years ago, parents were apt to have a lot of kids. Nowadays, kids are apt to have a lot of parents.
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He was on my father's deathbed in 1989, where he said to me, anything, son, that you want to talk about, and this is your last trip to Omaha, and I just popped into my mind, dad, why did you and mom never celebrate your anniversary?
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He looked at me, and he said, which one? I said, which one? And I found out when
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I was 29 years old, that my mother and father were married, divorced, sometime later in the year, they saw each other at a party,
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I was conceived, and then they were remarried within a year, until he died in 1989.
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One million marriages per year in the United States end in divorce. And most everyone, people say, have been affected by divorce and remarriage.
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Some say up to 80 % of all the people in America have been affected in some way, shape, or form.
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Matter of fact, if you've been affected by a divorce in your life, not your own divorce, maybe your own divorce, your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, family members, would you just raise your hand, just to get an idea?
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Many, many people have been affected. And it is good for us to see what God says about this topic, what
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Jesus said, because it was a crazy thing going on. In Paul's day, the males would be divorced about six times in their lives.
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And I want to know what God says about things. It's fine to hear what Bill O 'Reilly might say, or whoever your favorite pundit is on the other side, but I want to know what
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God says. And when people are celebrating divorce, is that our attitude? Should that be our attitude? John Adams and Nancy Williamson said, your marriage can wear out.
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People change their values and lifestyles. People want to experience new things. Change is part of life.
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Change and personal growth are traits for you to be proud of, indicative of a vital searching mind.
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You must accept the reality that in today's multifaceted world, it is especially easy for two persons to grow apart.
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Letting go of your marriage is no longer fulfilling. If it's no longer fulfilling, it can be the most successful thing you have ever done.
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Getting a divorce can be a positive, problem -solving, growth -oriented step. It can be a personal triumph.
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I have no words for that. I just know that the Bible teaches in a day of wholeness, God wants holiness.
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In a day of happiness, God wants proper biblical thinking. And today we'll answer the questions, is divorce biblical?
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Can God forgive us for an unbiblical divorce? Are all divorces unbiblical? Can people remarry after divorce?
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How permanent is marriage? And Jesus tells us right here in Matthew chapter 5 and in other passages.
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But before we dive into chapter 5 verse 31 and 32, we have to set up the context. It's been many weeks since we've been on the
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Sermon on the Mount. And we want to make sure we understand why Jesus said this and why he said it where he said it.
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And so if you go to Matthew chapter 5, you'll remember that it starts off with a Sermon on the Mount, beginning with the
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Beatitudes, chapter 5, 1 through 12. Then he talks about salt and light, verses 13 through 16.
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And then he talks about his relationship to the law and prophets, Christ's relationship to Moses.
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And it says in verse 17, do not think I have come to abolish the law. See, they thought he did come to abolish it.
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I did not come to abolish but fulfill. For truly I say to you, unless heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the law until all is accomplished.
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In verse 20, he says, for I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the
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Scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. And Jesus is saying the law comes to fulfillment through him.
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That Mosaic law is no longer the immediate direction for the people of God.
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He's bringing in a covenant that is not like the covenant made with their forefathers.
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And he gives six antithetical statements in verses 21 through 48 that show if you have the righteousness of Christ imputed to your account, if you're godly, it will show.
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I'm going to lose my voice is what I'm going to do. When I drink a lot of water, the front row has to watch out because it is sprinkling baptism coming.
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I knew I didn't want to preach this passage, but I didn't know how bad that was. Jesus is saying in these six statements in verses 21 through 48, the
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Pharisees have this external righteousness. They try to show it this way, but let me tell you the real internal righteous way.
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It should be manifest in someone who says they're a follower of Christ and it first antithesis is in verses 21 and following and it is basically the passage that we went over several weeks ago.
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Anger in the heart and you see verse 21 and it's the same thing every time you have heard it said, but I tell you and so he says in verse 21, you have heard that the ancients were told you shall not commit murder and whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.
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But I say to you that everyone who's angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court and whoever says to his brother you good for nothing shall be guilty before the
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Supreme Court and whoever says you fool shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. Jesus comes along and says here's the mosaic law.
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It was great for a people who were temporarily redeemed out of Egypt, but now for people who are spiritually redeemed out of their sin, there's a different standard and that standard is not just external, but it is external and internal.
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Of course God wanted internal obedience then, but it was hard for some of the physically redeemed people who are not regenerate, who are not physically spiritually believers to obey these things and now
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Jesus is pressing his kingdom commands for those who can believe, for those who do believe and those who can obey and he says the second antithesis is when it comes to our mind and it's not just external adultery.
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He says in verse 27 thou shall not commit adultery. You heard it said that way and that was true, but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart, which leads us up to our passage today.
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The third antithesis divorce and remarriage number three out of these six.
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We're going to look at number three today. Verse 31 and 32. It was said whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce, but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except for the reason of unchastity makes her commit adultery and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
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Now one thing right away that is happening here is there's a word that you can't see in your English text, but it's the word and and it's a little bit different because it's linking this third antithesis to the second antithesis.
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That is to say it's almost a carrying out of this argument further. You commit adultery in your mind verses 27 and 28, but there's another way you can force someone to commit adultery and that's unbiblical marriage.
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So he's unbiblical divorce. Now, how do you go about approaching a passage like this?
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I mean, it's kind of stark. It's kind of just there. It may be harder for us to understand because we're not in the original audience.
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So I thought the way I would do it today is to give you seven or eight affirmations if you're taking outline notes of what we believe at this church.
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Seven affirmations, eight affirmations for healthy biblical Christianity having a proper view of marriage, divorce and remarriage.
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Almost we believe statements. We believe and we'll give you many of those. Affirmation number one, that God's original plan for marriage was to be lifelong.
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We believe at this church, the leadership, that lifelong marriage was God's plan. People today,
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I have irreconcilable differences. We're not compatible. I don't love her anymore. I need some more zing. I have no feelings of love for her anymore.
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I don't love him. Marriage is not meant to be this hard. Well, marriage from God's perspective was to be lifelong.
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Do you remember these verses? Then the Lord said, It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.
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Out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky and brought them to a man to see what he would call them.
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And whatever the man called the living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle and to the birds of the sky and to every beast of the field.
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But for Adam, there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and he slept.
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He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which he had taken from the man and brought her to the man.
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This is now bone of my bones, the man said, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.
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In God's arrangements, it is to be for life, permanent. Our spouses are a gift from God.
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But God is not just imposing his standard because he realizes that there's sin in the world. And in his mercy and in his kindness, he has made accommodation for sin in marriage.
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And that accommodation is called divorce. And you can see in your passage in Matthew 5 .31,
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there's some kind of quotation there in capitals. It was said, there's a biblical principle that certainly the
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Pharisees were saying, oh yeah, that's good. But why don't we turn our Bibles to Matthew chapter 10 and see a little confrontation between Jesus and the
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Pharisees that gives us a little more context than just 5 .31 of Matthew and 5 .32.
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Mark chapter 10, Mark chapter 10. Yes, Mark.
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I'm not feeling well today, but Mark is Mark today. All right. By the way, we're gonna be going a lot from Matthew 5,
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Mark 10 and Deuteronomy 24. We're gonna be looking at those three passages. So if you have three fingers to slip in there, that would be great.
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Martin Luther said, when you look at your hand, there are four slots, one, two, three, four. And that is so money and people can quickly slide through them.
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You also can use this for Deuteronomy 24, Matthew 5 and Mark 10. All right?
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God help me. One of the great things about preaching the
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Bible is it is the Bible that is the word of God that is powerful, living and active.
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The last time I preached on divorce and remarriage several years ago, somebody from our own church came to me and said, all this week
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I thought about divorcing my husband and I made a decision to divorce my husband.
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But because of what God says in his word, I've changed my mind. And so the word is powerful, whether the person is powerful preaching or not, our weakness manifests the greatness of God.
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And in Mark chapter 10, you see the setup here, getting up, he went from there to a region of Judea and beyond the
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Jordan, crowds gathered around him again. And according to his custom, he once more began to teach them.
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That was just our Lord's ministry, teaching. Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, key words note, testing him and began to question him, whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife.
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You see, there was two schools back then, the real rigorous school and the real lack school.
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I can't divorce my wife for hardly anything and I can divorce my wife for everything. Jesus, this is a big word game for us.
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And maybe we can pin you down better. Which school do you belong to? And Jesus says in verse three, what did
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Moses command you? They're trying to think it's fun to debate. They wanna use something against Jesus.
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And Jesus says right away, you're taking this as a command. Moses never commanded divorce.
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He permitted it, but your approach is all wrong. God has spoken, he's spoken with clarity. And they're taking some verses in the
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Old Testament and they were just twisting them for their power. And their prestige. I told you we're gonna look at three main passages,
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Matthew 5, Mark 10. We're gonna go right back to Mark 10, but flip back to Deuteronomy 24, so you can see the passages that they were debating.
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I don't believe we should go to 1 ,000 passages on a Sunday morning. We call that preaching with audibles.
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24 -1, 5 -31, 10 -1. And, you know, off you go and you think,
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I don't know how the pastor got there, but it seemed like it was through the Bible. But in this particular one, we need to, because in Matthew's account, we just get a little information.
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Mark's account's the big bit of information. And then we see from where Mark draws his Bible verse, and that's right from Deuteronomy, the only place in the
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Old Testament that really dealt with divorce. What are the reasons why someone should get divorced?
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Now, put this into context. If someone committed adultery, it's not gonna be dealt with, why?
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Because they would be dead. They would be stoned. So if someone commits adultery, it would be worthy of the death penalty because it's going against God's permanency in marriage in the
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Old Testament. And so we're gonna deal with how to divorce someone, but it has nothing to do with adultery. How can you put your wife away?
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By the way, it was all husbands. How do you put your wives away? Because women back in those days were basically owned, as it were.
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And a husband could put his wife away, but the wife could never put the husband away. And Deuteronomy chapter 24, it says, and this is the passage under debate, when a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because, here's the key, he has found some indecency in her.
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That's what they were arguing. What is indecency? And he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out from his house.
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She leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife. Of course you would have to do that, beloved, because if you can't work and if you have to be supported by a man, you're either gonna get remarried or you're gonna be a prostitute.
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Support yourself. Verse 3 of Deuteronomy 24, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand and sends her out of the house, or if the latter husband dies, who took her to be his wife, and then the former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the
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Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives you as an inheritance. Now that was the passage of debate.
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Jesus, what do you think? We all know Deuteronomy 24 is in the Bible, and why should someone get divorced?
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And again, we've got the two schools, the rigorous school, following a
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Rabbi Shammai who said it's only for sexual sin, and the lax school. Which one do you think was more popular?
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Which would be more popular today? When it comes to rigorousness, or laxity in the Christian faith, what is the predominant view?
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Of course, it was the lax one. And so, back in the day, these Pharisees would say, here's what indecent means.
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It means anything we want it to mean. I no longer think my wife is beautiful.
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It's okay to divorce. She burnt my toast. That was one. I mean, it is a marital pink slip for any and all occasions.
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She disrespected me. She yells too loud, and my next door neighbor can hear it.
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One Rabbi said, if any man saw a woman handsomer than his own wife, he might put his wife away, because it is said in the law, if she does not find favor in his eyes.
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Josephus, when he divorced his wife, he said, at this time,
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I put away my wife, who had born me three children, not being pleased with her manners. Elbows on the table.
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If she spoke to other men in the streets, you could divorce her. If she said one wrong word about your mother, you could divorce your wife.
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The Talmud said, a bad wife is like leprosy to her husband. What is the remedy? Let him divorce her and be cured of his leprosy.
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And the gall of one leader on this side said, if a man has a bad wife, it is his religious duty to divorce her.
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The Targum Jonathan said, God hates divorce? Yes. But I hate you. You're divorced. Well, what is this indecent thing?
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What is this unclean thing? And that's what they were debating. Jesus says, first of all, it's not commanded.
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But second of all, you guys are going about it the wrong way. It's an exceptional thing. Whatever indecent means, and we don't know, the word indecent is only used one other time in all the
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Bible, and that's in chapter 23 of Deuteronomy, where it is really an indecent thing.
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And it's talking about something that is very indecent. But it is an exception.
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So if you go back to Mark chapter 10, let's take a look at it a little bit more. What is this indecent thing? And you just go around divorcing people for whatever cause.
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Jesus is approached by these Pharisees. They're testing him, and they want to know what school. Are you the lax school or the rigorous school?
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And of course, Jesus turns everything upside down for them. Mark chapter 10, verse 4, and they said,
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Moses permitted. Okay, you got us, Jesus. It's not commanded, but Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.
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God, in his mercy, accommodates divorce, and he says, I've got to protect the woman.
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Here we are having this civil arrangement, and I've got to protect the woman because she would have no rights. She would have to fend for herself, and she would be on the streets.
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So there's some time involved. You've got to sign this certificate of divorce. You've got to give it to her.
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You've got to have witnesses there, and it would say something like this, an old one that we found. It says, let this be from my writ and divorce and letter of dismissal and deed of liberation that thou may merriest whosoever thou shall.
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And so basically, without this piece of paper, the woman would be an outcast, and maybe she would even be stoned because they think he divorced her because she's an adulterer, and she would be able to present this to the new husband and say,
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I have this proper bit of information. It's God's mercy of accommodation, and Jesus says that in verse five in Mark 10.
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But Jesus said to them, because of your hardness of heart, he wrote you this commandment. Your hearts are hard and rebellious.
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Something got in between one man and one woman in the garden, and that was called sin in the fall.
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This is an accommodation to human weakness. Actually hard hearted. Tell me if you know, understand these two
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Greek words for hard hearted. Sclerosis and cardia. Hard hearted arterial sclerosis.
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Same word. It's permissive to divorce your wife for something exceptional, but not imperative.
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If you jump down to verse nine, back to my original point, that is one man and one woman forever.
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That's God's perfect design. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.
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You need someone greater than God to separate these two people. A greater authority. There's no right to just push that under the table.
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God made the helper for Adam. God brought Eve to Adam. God established his marriage. Marriage is supposed to be permanent.
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Don't separate. Don't cut off, put away, release, dismiss. God designs this union.
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God brings this union together. And even for unbelievers, it is something ordained by God. And that is marriage.
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And that is why God hates divorce. Luther said, excuse me, I have such hatred of divorce that I prefer bigamy to divorce.
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Let's just stop here for a second. It is marriage for life is God's best.
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If you are married, you must have the attitude that you're in it for life.
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Till death do us part. When I married the bureaus, we had them repeat after the vows, this is my what?
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Solemn vow. Yes, the wedding is a time of rejoicing and everything else, but you are saying these vows before God.
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This is my solemn vow. People get divorced for all kinds of reasons.
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D .A. Carson, it just fillets the idea of selfish divorce. And he says, love has become a mixture of physical desire and vague sentimentality.
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Marriage has become a provisional sexual union to be terminated when this pathetic pygmy love dissolves.
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And instead of backing out of the relationship when things get tough, the commitment of companionship and the covenant of we are together forever needs to be kicked into place.
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We have a rule in our house. We don't talk about divorce. It's not an option. We don't talk about it. We have vowed before God till death do us part.
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A determined commitment. It's not a feeling necessarily. It is a determined commitment. That's why
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I about want to throw up when I read about this company called Freedom Rings. Jewelry for the divorced.
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Founded by a jeweler and a divorcee, Lynn Peters, the company makes jewelry out of wedding rings.
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They pay a fee and it's a ring smashing ceremony complete with champagne and music. The MC says, we will now release any remaining ties to your past by transforming your ring, which represents the past, into a token of your new beginning.
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Now take the hammer. Stop for a moment to consider the transformation that is about to begin with your new life.
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Ready? Then let this Freedom Ring swing. Four pounds sledgehammer to smash your wedding ring into a shapeless piece of metal.
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It's not cause for a party. We'll find out that there's forgiveness, yes, but it's God's best for lifelong marriage.
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To the same woman as Henry Ford said at his 50th wedding anniversary, how can you survive being married for 50 years?
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Can there be any bliss? Can there be any longevity for me? He said, it's just the same as the automobile business.
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Stick to one model. I like that. And see when God designs marriage, he's not restricting our freedom.
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He's giving us the area of blessing. This is the arena of God's best marriage.
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Number two, we believe, number one, that God's plan for marriage was to be lifelong.
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That's his best plan. But we also believe, number two, and I could ask you if you believe it, God's original plan was for marriage to be between male and female.
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Now, this has nothing to do with the text directly, but indirectly, we live in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
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If you look at Mark chapter 10 verse 6, but from the beginning of creation, God made them what? Male and female.
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There is no such thing as a homosexual marriage in God's eyes. It does not exist. God made them male.
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It's the word for male and female. Genesis 127 is quoted in Mark 10 verse 6.
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You see the capitals there in some of your Bibles. God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created them, male and female.
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He created them, and then he brought those two together. I find it interesting that Jesus doesn't say, oh yeah, let me quote you that allegory, that fable
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Genesis. You know that story? No, he goes to Genesis to make his point.
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One man, one woman for life, since the beginning of creation, before the fall.
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He created only two humans, not two groups, not two men, not two women. God's standard against the bell curve of society.
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Which side are you on? I think we need to love homosexual people, and I want to do that. I think
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God has let me do that. But my theology cannot permit this.
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As long as no one gets hurt, it's okay by me. There's no such thing as gay marriage.
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It is one man and one woman for life. Number three, third affirmation. Not only is
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God's best marriage lifelong, not only is God's best man and woman, but number three, we believe that God's original plan gave the marriage preeminence over all other relationships.
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That is to say, you have children, you have parents, you have friends, you have co -workers.
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Once you say, I do with your spouse, that is the preeminent relationship of your life.
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Look at verse 7, and you can see this found in Mark chapter 10. For this cause, a man shall leave his father and his mother.
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And again, he's quoting the Old Testament. We could find this in Ephesians 5 as well.
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And leave just means to forsake, to leave behind. You think about your relationships, and should you love your mother still?
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Of course. Should you be a mama's boy? You know, your wife thinks this should happen, and your mom thinks this should happen, and just thumb in your mouth and back to your mom?
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Of course not. To leave behind. It's interesting,
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Adam and Eve. Leave and cleave. Did Adam and Eve have anybody to leave?
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He's telling Adam and Eve to leave their parents, and they didn't even have them. Did God not know that? Well, of course He knew that.
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But here's the pattern. The pattern is leave and then cleave. God in His goodness solves the loneliness problem and gives
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Adam a wife. Preeminence and precedent over every other human relationship.
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Priority over parents, priority over children. And by the way, back in those days, and our
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Eastern friends would know this, if you forsook the house of your father, it was more meaningful in those days.
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What do you mean I have to leave and to forsake as the preeminent relationship I have in my life? He was my father.
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He's the leader of the clan. He's the leader of my family. And the dads ruled everything back then.
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And then God says, you know what? Of course, respect your father. Of course, love your father. But when it comes to the preeminence of relationships, it is no longer your father anymore.
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It's your wife. I could ask you the question.
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In all your relationships that you have, mother's is your relationship with your children taking priority over your husband's relationship with you?
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I could ask the dads, when you go to work, the priority of work over the priority of my wife?
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We believe that God's original plan gives marriage preeminence. Number four, the fourth affirmation.
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We believe that God's original plan for marriage involved deep intimacy between husband and wife. It was to be lifelong, number one.
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Number two is to be male and female. Number three, it should have preeminence over all other relationships. And number four, deep intimacy should be involved in the marriage.
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And Jesus says in Mark chapter 10, verse eight, and the two shall become one flesh. Consequently, they are no longer two flesh, excuse me, no longer two, but one flesh.
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A one flesh unit is what he's saying. No longer two, but one. If you take two trees and plant them really close together and kind of weave them together, what happens?
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Same kind of thing. Molded into one. Jesus said in Matthew 19, it shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.
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A gluing together, a cementing together. Adhesive, indivisible, inseparable.
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Like Ruth clinging to Naomi. Clinging, cementing. The closest illustration
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I could find was a dated one, so kids won't have any idea what I'm talking about. Remember the old football cornerback for the
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Oakland Raiders, Lester Hayes? What did he have on his hands all the time? Just gooped on his hand, what did he have?
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Stick them to catch the football and everything. This is the closest human bond.
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It should transcend everything. Charles Feinberg said, in this verse it means that once parents are forsaken, the man will not soon return to them.
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He will stay with his wife and direct his affection and attention to her. She will do the same to him.
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When the ideas of forsaking and clinging are taken together, it becomes clear that marriage amounts to each partner committing his or her life to the other.
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It is a pledge, let me repeat that, it is a pledge to emphasize one's mate as paramount beyond all other relations, forsaking, and to remain faithful to him or her, clinging.
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It is a commitment, it is a covenant. Paul said the same thing in Ephesians chapter five, shall cleave to his wife, one flesh, bone of our bone, flesh of our flesh, permanently, no matter what, no matter what trouble comes up.
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Is this how you see your marriage? Number five, fifth affirmation, as time is zooming by,
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God's primary purpose for marriage was to point to the relationship of Christ and his church. God's primary purpose of marriage was to point to the relationship of Christ and the church.
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Relating this to divorce, I could say something for 50 minutes about this, but I'll make it short. Christ loved the bride, the church.
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And that is an example of our marriages today. And we believe that the Bible teaches that saints persevere to the end, that we are preserved by God, that there's a perseverance of the saints, eternal security.
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And what happens to a man and a woman who are married, Christian people who then divorce, what does that tell the world, the children, themselves about how long
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Christ loves the church? In other words, that is to say, if you believe in eternal security, then your marriage should reflect that as well.
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Because if you divorce your spouse, you're saying Jesus doesn't love the church to the end. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.
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God didn't say, well, let me create marriage first, and then, oh, that's a great idea for how
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Jesus loves the church. In eternity past, here's the relationship that God says is between the church and Christ Jesus.
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And now let's make that manifest by having marriage on earth. And you and your wife, you and your husband, never stop talking about Christ and the church.
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If you're married, everybody's looking at you, and your relationship keeps preaching all the time.
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If you don't love your wife, you're saying Jesus doesn't love the church. If you desert your wife, you're saying that's what
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Jesus does, he deserts his church. If you're harsh with your wife, you're saying Jesus is harsh with the church.
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If you sleep with another woman, you're saying Christ is an adulterer. And I love what
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James Boyce said. He said, In our salvation we were married to Jesus. It was he who took the vows first of all.
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I, Jesus, take thee, sinner, to be my bride. And I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses to be thy loving and faithful Savior and Bridegroom in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in faithfulness and in waywardness, for time and for eternity.
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And then we look to Jesus and said by his grace, I, sinner, take thee, Jesus, to be my
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Savior and my Lord. I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses to be thy loving and faithful Bride in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, for time and eternity.
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Your marriage always is preaching. Affirmation number six. There are consequences to anything less than God's best.
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We believe there are consequences to anything less than God's best. Let's go back to Mark chapter 10.
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I think we're there. I don't know why we like to follow rock stars but we like to follow
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Christian rock stars as well. And in 1998, a very famous Christian didn't want to be married anymore and in August said, quote,
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I believe and trust that I've been released from this marriage and I say that knowing that even the
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Bible says the heart is deceitful. She said it was God's will for her to be divorced. Quote, to the very best of my level of peace,
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I have had a very settled unshakable feeling about the path that I'm going to follow. The counselor was not very wise either and the counselor said, quote,
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God made marriage for people. He didn't make people for marriage. He provided this so that people could enjoy each other to the fullest.
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I, the counselor, say that if you have two people who are not thriving in a healthy relationship,
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I say remove the marriage. And hence that CCM artist was divorced.
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There are consequences to unbiblical divorce and sometimes those consequences are worse than the actual troubled marriage.
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Do you see in Mark chapter 10 verse 11 some of the words that are echoed in Jesus' Sermon on the
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Mount? And He said to them, Mark 10, 11, whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.
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And if she divorces her husband, by the way, that's still wild because women aren't supposed to be able to divorce their husband in that culture, but Jesus elevates the standard of women to equality.
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In Christ we are equal. And marries another man, she is committing adultery. Remarriage after an unbiblical divorce proliferates adultery because in the eyes of God there's still the bond and then the remarriage means that basically
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God's not seeing that remarriage as a real marriage and then it's adultery because what's happening?
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One man said, how can a man be divorcing his wife, make or commit adultery? One must understand that in the culture women were not career persons and had very few rights and options, either politically, economically or even socially.
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Thus the assumption was that the divorced woman would seek remarriage, to marry a second man without proper justification for dissolution of the previous marriage was to commit adultery.
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Jesus said it elsewhere, Luke 16, everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.
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Remember, adultery took care of the unfaithful spouse in Mosaic law, but there's problems.
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Now I'm going to get into what if we have been divorced and has it been biblical or not in just a minute, but I would say this again, if you are ever considering divorce, do not consider divorce.
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I could tell you like Danny Akin did about how your children will drop out of school more, suffer depression more, have other mental problems more, have more sexual intimacy, everything else, there are consequences.
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That's why on a lighter note, a man who celebrated 50 years of marriage was asked by reporters, have you ever considered divorce?
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Never, he said. Murder many times, but never divorce. You think it's bad where you are,
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I'm just telling you the Bible teaches there are consequences for unbiblical divorce. You say, I'm not even married today,
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Pastor, and here I have to listen to this? Well, then I want to say what Paul would say to 1 Corinthians 7, then choose your spouse carefully.
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Affirmation number 7, there are only two biblical ways for divorce. There are only two righteous ways to divorce.
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Let's go back to Matthew chapter 5, and I want you to see it actually in the Sermon on the Mount, please, Matthew chapter 5. There are only two ways for biblical divorce.
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Affirmation 1, marriage is lifelong. Affirmation 2, it's between a man and a woman. Affirmation number 3, preeminent over all other relationships is the marriage.
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Affirmation number 4, there should be deep intimacy besides physical. Affirmation number 5, your marriage preaches about Christ and the
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Church. Affirmation 6, there are consequences to anything less than God's best. And number 7, two biblical ways to divorce.
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Jesus said, Contra, verse 31, in the Pharisees' interpretation,
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I say to you, he's going to be restricting Mosaic law further for the spiritually redeemed people that follow
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Christ, but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
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There's one exception clause in this verse, and that exception clause is for what? It says right there, unchastity, unlawful sexual behavior, adultery, unfaithfulness, sexual immorality.
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It's a broad word that covers all kinds of things, homosexuality and other kinds of deviations.
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Bad toast is not one of them. I'm not in love anymore is not one of them. She gets on my nerves, it's not one of them.
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He doesn't throw the socks in the hamper, it's not one of them. I've met someone new, it's not one of them.
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My spouse is no longer attractive to my eyes, it's not one of them. After Jesus said this in Matthew 19, verse 10, the disciples said to him, if the relationship of a man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.
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The binding nature of marriage. There's only one way out that Jesus gives here.
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And that is adultery. Because think about it logically. In the
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Old Testament, adultery is committed, they're stoned, and they're dead. And when someone is dead, you're no longer in a covenant with them.
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Now there's going to be no stoning of adulterers and adulteresses. So now when they commit adultery, the one who is the innocent party, quote -unquote, can now say,
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I'll either forgive and accept them back, or I can terminate the marriage. Jesus gives the exception clause.
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Now if we turn to 1 Corinthians 7, we're going to look at the second way for biblical divorce. You say, well, this is a pretty restrictive deal.
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Yes it is. And this is what we believe at the church, because it is so clearly taught in the Bible. There are only two ways to biblically divorce, hence there are only two ways to biblically remarry.
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If you've unbiblically divorced, then there can be no biblical remarriage. But if you've biblically divorced, there can be biblical remarriage.
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The context here is in marriage. You can see that in verses 1 through 5, even talking about physical intimacy in verse 5, that you would be together, except for a time of prayer.
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And then in verses 10 and 11, you hear Paul repeat what Jesus has said. But to the marriage, 1
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Corinthians 7, 10, I give instructions, not I, but the Lord. He's heard it from Jesus, that the wife should not leave her husband.
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It should be permanent. If she does leave, let her husband remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband, and that the husband should not send his wife away.
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There's separation, there should be reconciliation. Now there's something that Jesus didn't tell
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Paul, and Jesus didn't say, but is just as inspired in verses 12 and following.
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Paul learned this from the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, not Jesus, the second person of the
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Trinity, but both are from God. But I say to the rest, not the
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Lord, didn't learn it from Jesus, learned it from the Spirit of God, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away.
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Okay, so do you get the picture? Two people are married. One person's a Christian, the other person is not. And the person that's not a
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Christian says, I still want to be married. I still love you and care for you, and I don't want to get divorced.
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I want to be with you. Maybe for the kid's sake, maybe for her own sake. Many reasons. The believer and the unbeliever are together, and the unbeliever says, you know,
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I want to stay with you. She consents to live with him, let him not send her away.
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The believer's not to say, you're an unbeliever and we're unequally yoked. Verse 13, and a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away.
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In other words, if you're married to an unbeliever, you're not defiled. You're not somehow hurt in your sanctification, and somehow
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God is just going to ostracize you. God can be gracious to the person who's married to an unbeliever.
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You just don't say, well, that's my biggest problem in life. No, that's not your biggest problem in life. God is there.
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He's Emmanuel. And if your spouse is an unbeliever, and your spouse says, I still want to be married to you, you may not seek a divorce.
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Verse 14, for the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband.
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Otherwise, your children are unclean, but now they're holy. I could say it this way, if I have to be brief. If you are married to an unbelieving spouse, do you pray for that spouse?
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I bet you do. Do you have Bible things around the house? I bet you do. Do you put tracts in a sandwich?
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I hope you don't. But there is influence on the home because one's a
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Christian and God's blessing that woman at home, or God's blessing that man at home, and they're just spilled over benefits.
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It doesn't mean they become Christians. Not that kind of sanctification, but they're set apart because God is dumping out
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His Gatorade -like blessings on that house because there is one Christian there. How would you like to then just divorce your spouse because they're not a
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Christian? Now the kids go off with the unbeliever, and how much do they receive the things of God that you could give them?
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Not as much. Verse 15, yet if the unbelieving one leaves, listen, let him leave.
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You may not say, you know what, I'm a Christian, my spouse wants to leave because I'm a
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Christian and they're not, and I will do everything I can to say no. Fine if you say,
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I'll do everything I can to keep the marriage together, but at the end of the day, you are to let them go.
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Why? Verse 15, the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
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If you've been married to an unbeliever, you know it's anything less than peace. And here we have when divorce is actually required.
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Why? Verse 16, for how do you know, O wife, whether you'll save your husband? If I just stay long enough, they're going to get saved.
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You don't know that. If they want to leave, then they can leave. Or how do you know, O husband, whether you'll save your wife?
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You don't know. Only as the Lord has assigned to each one, as He has called each, in this manner let him walk, and thus
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I direct all the churches. There are two ways to get divorced biblically.
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One is immorality. You can forgive and keep the marriage together, or you can say,
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I'm going to seek a divorce. It's a biblical divorce, therefore you could biblically remarry. The other option is, you're married to an unbeliever, and that unbeliever says,
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I despise everything about Christianity and you, and you're not the same person I married, and everything else, and you become this
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Jesus freak, and I'm out of here. You shouldn't say to yourself, it's unbiblical for me to sign those papers, because it's okay to sign those papers.
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You say, well, what if we do anything less here at the church? There's a church called North Point, and we would enforce exactly what
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North Point does, and I tell people this when I marry them. I say, if you divorce your spouse for anything less, we will church discipline you in love, because we care for you, and we care for the marriage, and we care for Christ.
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We will kick you out of the church. And I told that to the bureaus. If you divorce each other for anything less than one of these two reasons, then we will kick you out of fellowship.
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And Mrs. Bureau, to be smiled, is like, right on. We're in it for life. If any member of North Point Baptist Church initiates an unlawful divorce, it is the responsibility of the church to attempt to bring that member to repentance.
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If the attempt proves unsuccessful, and the member persists in sinful pursuit of unlawful divorce, then the church is obligated to exclude that member from the fellowship of the church.
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Because we're mean? No. The last church discipline we had at this church, that's step four, where we had to excommunicate someone, is because they left their husband for unbiblical reasons.
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Number eight. Affirmation. You say, I want to read more. J. Adams has a great book called
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Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage. Affirmation number eight. There can be forgiveness and restoration for those who have committed sin in marriage.
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Isn't that good? If someone commits adultery, you're not required to divorce them.
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God is a forgiving God, and if God has forgiven you two billion sins, or you think you might have it in your heart to forgive your spouse,
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Matthew 18 would say. God is a forgiving God. He majors on forgiveness. Psalm 32 says,
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I acknowledge my sin to thee, and my iniquity I did not hide. And thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.
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We can forgive our spouses. As a matter of fact, Hosea learned a lesson, didn't he? Here's a prostitute.
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I want you to go marry him. Marry him. Seems like that could happen today, doesn't it?
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I want you to go marry this woman, and by the way, she's going to cheat on you, and she's going to still be a prostitute, but I want you to do it because I want to show you how
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I love my people. And I think it is wonderful when people can forgive each other and stay married.
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God focuses on forgiveness, and so should you. By the way, if your spouse has ever committed adultery against you, and you've decided to keep them, and they have asked for forgiveness, then would you please do the best by the
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Spirit's power to forgive as God does, and that is, as far as the East is from the West, they're gone.
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If they've asked for your forgiveness, you are never allowed to bring it up again. You're never allowed to hold it against them. You are forgiven, and you are to forgive like you are forgiven.
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So much more to say. We need to move on. You probably have some questions. You say, well, what about this, or what about that?
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Let me give you just a few questions, and then answers, so I can refine some of the things
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I've talked about. Because sadly, sin muddies everything up, doesn't it? You get a clean beaker of water right here, and just put some mud in it, and shake it, and what happens?
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It's hard to unscrew all that stuff. What if you say this, because I know we have some divorced people here.
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If I was divorced, and then remarried before I was saved, what about that? Well, if you were divorced and remarried before you were a
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Christian, guess what? It was before you were a Christian. You acted just like who you are, who you were.
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You were divorced, and remarried, and did all these other things, and you're a Christian now.
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And I don't care if you did it 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, or 50 years ago, or a year ago, but if you became a
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Christian after that, that's all in the rear view mirror. That's why if you've committed a divorce, and you want to be a deacon or a pastor,
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I don't think that rules out being a pastor, because if you have a divorce before you were a Christian, then you are under what?
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The blood and forgiveness. I could never figure out. People say, well, if somebody's been divorced, they can never be a pastor.
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So you can murder somebody, and then get saved and be a pastor, but you can't divorce someone when you were an unbeliever, and then be a pastor.
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So if you've been divorced and remarried, after you've been saved, it's one issue we'll get to in a second, but if it was before you were saved, then rejoice that God's a good
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God, forgiving God. You're a new creature in Christ. What about separation?
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Question number two. Separation is not for the Christian. It is not divorce, marriage, separation.
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If your husband abuses you physically, then you need to call 911. There will be a separation, and that separation is, that fool should be in jail.
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That is a biblical separation. If I punch you, you're going to duck, aren't you?
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God has put a mechanism that you are going to try to defend yourself from abuse. But you may not divorce over a physically abusive husband, verbal abusive husband, emotionally abusive husband, but you can seek refuge, of course.
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But what happens in separation, outside some of these abuse issues, is people say, well, you know what?
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We need a cooling off period, and we need to just kind of face issues, kind of alone, and think about them.
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Friends, here should be your cooling off period. Honey, we disagree. We're really fighting.
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I don't understand you, and you don't understand me. I'm sinful, and you're sinful, and I'll be back in two hours.
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I'm going to Gold's Gym. Why don't you go shop for a while? Why don't you go do this or that? We'll separate for an agreed amount of time.
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We'll see you later. Something like that, I mean, I understand. Something like that,
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I've done. Past tense, of course, now that I'm very mature.
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You can't separate and expect God's blessing. 1 Corinthians 7 says, even physical intimacy must go on all the time, except for a time of just prayer, so you can come back to each other to say, well, let
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Satan come in and tempt you. So if you think your marriage is bad now, how about physically separate from each other and just say, open up the door,
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Satan, come right on in. It's only going to get worse. Now the one everyone's asking about, question three, what about unbiblical divorce and unbiblical remarriage?
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What if I was a Christian and got divorced, not because my spouse cheated on me, and not because my spouse was an unbeliever and just left?
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What am I to do? The text says I'm committing adultery, and I don't want to commit adultery. Do I stay?
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Do I remarry? Do I leave my current spouse? 1 Corinthians 7 gives us some insight, and let me just show you from chapter 7 of 1
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Corinthians that what you should do is confess those sins to God and to the people that you've committed them against and stay where you are.
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You are not to get divorced now again. I can't unscramble all the eggs, but you can certainly ask for forgiveness, and you see the pattern here in 1
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Corinthians 7 verse 20? Let each man remain in that condition in which he was called.
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Do you see it in verse 24? Brethren, let each man remain with God in that condition in which he was called.
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Verse 27 of 1 Corinthians 7. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. No matter what the sins we're getting there, if you're married now, stay married.
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Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. In whatever condition you're in now, live for the glory of God.
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And that may include, you know what, I unbiblically divorced my spouse as a believer, and now
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I'm remarried to someone else, then I need to make confession to God and say, God, please forgive me, and from here on out,
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I will live for your glory. North Point Baptist says this in their statement of faith, as for those persons who have unlawfully divorced and remarried, the scripture gives us no clear direction.
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It is our belief that such persons should remain married to their present spouses until death parts them.
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Maybe you have to pay some money, for child support, or for marriage support, or somehow seeking restoration and forgiveness from all parties, your children, relatives, former wife, and then you live where you are.
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Let each one remain. One other category here, what if you're a
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Christian, and you have unbiblically divorced, and you're now single? There are only two options, remain single, or get remarried to the person who, those are the only two options.
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Question number four, and I close with this, shouldn't all this discussion about divorce and remarriage make me want to be thankful for my spouse, and really love them, and treat them as the gift that they are from God?
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I love my wife. I don't deserve my wife. I have to deal with people whose lives are falling apart because of sin, and divorce, and everything else, and friends,
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I want my marriage to preach Christ Jesus, that Christ loves his wife. I don't know if you ever say thank you to your spouse, thank you to God for your spouse, divorce is horrible, it's devastating, yet God is greater than divorce, and Jesus knows we need to talk about it, and therefore, he puts it right in the middle of the
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Sermon on the Mount. I think the one thing that could help our church more than anything else when we think about being evangelistic, some people want programs, you know, does your church evangelize much?
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I think it could transform a society more than a discipleship evangelism, evangelism explosion,
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Ray Comfort's Way of the Master. If husbands and wives at our church, sullied by sins of our past, treat each other like Christ and the church,
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I think it would really change New England. And let's ask
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God to help us do that. Father, thank you for our day -to -day. Lord, a difficult topic, yet you are a forgiving
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God, and we are thankful that we are forgiven, and that we are your bride, and that you'll never leave us nor forsake us, even though we sin.
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Father, help our church not to leave each other because of the sin of their spouse, help them to overlook, help them to be like your son, forgiving, and help us to live marriages that are wonderful and beautiful.
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Lord, I would ask today that you would take the worst marriage in this building, and you would transform it by your grace into something that is wonderful so all would look and see.
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Jesus Christ not only saves from sins, penalty, but he saves from the sins power, and that marriage might be wonderful.
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Father, for those marriages that are struggling, and there are differences, and arguments, and debates, and stresses,
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Lord, I just pray, especially for the husbands, that they would be men, they would be godly men, that they would be leaders of the family, and that they would love their wives with a servant kind of love.
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And I pray for the wives, Lord, that you would help them to respond to that love in a way that would be so pleasing to you, and that the children might see, the children might see