Is It Loving to Rebuke My Wife?

and you're not allowed to hold women to a standard that the Bible has set, which is why it feels weird for so many people who typically do agree with us to say, rebuke for some reason feels strange.

Alright, Tim, the question for today's episode is, is it loving to rebuke my wife?

Yeah, this is one of those questions that we're doing based on a couple of Twitter polls that I did, and it was somewhat surprising to me to think that many people, in response to one of the

Twitter polls I did, there was a repeated idea that was happening over and over and over again, and that people were uncomfortable with the idea of rebuking a woman.

So I think the poll that I did had something to do with, should a husband rebuke his obese wife, or something along those lines.

And there was a variety of different responses to this, from people that I thought wouldn't go there with it.

I would think that most of our followers are basically accustomed to the idea of telling women they're wrong in general.

I think something about this topic was uniquely distressing to them. But over and over and over again, there was reactions to the idea of rebuking a woman in general, and it was a little bit surprising from our audience, our following, that that was coming up.

But it's not surprising in general. We're living in a world where you obviously can't tell a woman she's wrong in any way.

You're living in a world right now where pastors have failed to go there for years.

One of the biggest sins that men are committing, and pastors in general, is that they refuse to correct women, particularly with women's sins, and fail to speak to those.

But I just thought our audience would be a little bit different than what they actually were at that point.

And this was even from people who were generally agreeing with the actual question being proposed.

Right, right. So yes, you should encourage them, but rebuke is too strong of a word. What was strange about it is, this is such a foreign concept to me in general, that I just don't know how you married to a woman unless rebuke is a normal part of marriage.

I'm so accustomed to the idea of rebuke in general that this kind of thought process to me, it's just utterly incomprehensible.

I don't even know how to be married if rebuke is not a part of it. So you can imagine that question being asked in a different way.

Should a wife rebuke her drunk husband, right?

And there would have been no scandal and shock and awe, or, no, you shouldn't rebuke him, you should only encourage him, right?

And show him the way, by example, and all that. But there wouldn't have been any of that.

So we all have a category for rebuking men, but I think the idea of rebuking a woman, for some people, just seems way off the rails.

But as I'm saying, it's profoundly confusing, and I don't really know what to make of it, particularly with our group.

Well, you see that even with, if you think about Mother's Day sermons versus Father's Day sermons.

Right, right. It's always men, or women, you know, you got, you are...

Praised and wonderful, can't do anything wrong. Who knows where we would be without you? And obviously that's true.

We'd all still be sucking our thumb, throwing up in a ball. Yeah, I mean, I think it's overdone.

But then there is a truth to the statement that we need women, right?

Right, right. And so, and the Bible says there is a type of woman who is worthy of praise, right?

But then the Father's Day sermons are, hey, we've got to be better, and we've got to step up.

Man up. And I think there is a part of that that is, you know, in our culture, fatherhood has basically become, the bar has been lowered extremely low.

Sure. That's not the greatest way to say that, but the bar has been set pretty low, and so it's easy to pick on guys.

But then I think, honestly, the bar has been set pretty low for women, too. Oh, it has been.

But then you're not allowed to say that it has, and you're not allowed to hold women to a standard that the

Bible has set, which is why it feels weird for so many people who typically do agree with us to say, rebuke for some reason feels strange.

I would rather encourage, you know, it's like, well, you would never, if you're not going to talk about the guy that way, well, number one, like,

I mean, is there any sort of, like, just change it to, like, let's not even talk about guy and girl categories.

Let's talk about anything else. And, you know, if you're okay with rebuke and that other scenario, then why aren't you for women or wives?

So I think what's happening is that a lot of people haven't really spent a lot of time in looking at what the

Bible is saying about rebuke in general, and I don't think they have enough categories in their mind to work with. So rebuke kind of becomes the all -purpose, like, harsh word.

And I mean, I think there's a reality that you speak to men more harshly than you speak to women.

And I think that... You say that meaning, like, you should speak to men harder than women.

I think, you know, men and women are different, and men respond differently to harsh speaking than women do.

And, you know, like, I think drill sergeant kind of stuff, coaches kind of stuff, men are used to it, and we don't just curl up in a ball and get offended.

You know, we're not as sensitive, we're not as delicate and refined in our nature, and so I think we're tough, we're made to be tough, and we speak toughly.

I get all that, but then, like, the point, though, is just to say the Bible has other words for... Like, rebuke is not that word.

Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah. So the Bible says admonish the unruly, encourage the faint -hearted, help the weak, be patient with all.

If you want to know the word biblically for a strong rebuke, that would be admonishment, okay?

So admonish the unruly. Like, that would be your strong rebuke kind of thing.

But rebuke in of itself, I mean, there's just so many verses in the Bible about rebukes, and rebuke is just a normal part of life, so better is open rebuke than hidden love, right?

Like, rebuke is just a word where all a rebuke is is just telling someone you need to repent.

And you can either say it, like, directly, you need to repent, or you can say it indirectly. So Nathan the prophet, when he was confronting

David, he rebuked him, but he didn't even say, you need to repent. He just said, you're the man, right?

Yeah. He told him a story, he said, you're a man. That was a rebuke that was done from someone who's a subordinate to someone who's their authority, right?

Yeah. And so, like, the idea of rebuke is you need to repent. And there's nice ways to say it, and there's mean ways to say it.

Like, you can do a sharp rebuke, or you can do a mild rebuke, or you can do an indirect rebuke. There's all sorts of rebukes.

Rebuke is just not the word that people should be reacting to. Does that make sense? Like, so yes,

I mean, I think that, you know, if whatever the sin your wife is committing, your go -to move shouldn't be yelling and screaming and hollering and all that, right?

You shouldn't turn into the military drill sergeant with your wife. You shouldn't be harsh with her, right?

I think you should. But just, like, the idea of rebuke itself is just a big nothing burger.

You get what I mean? It's just a part of life. It's just like, honey, like, precious love angel,

I love you. Precious love angel. But you can't talk to me that way, right? Like, honey, like, you know, like, can't talk that way.

I'm not going to respond when you talk that way. That's a rebuke, right? Like, but what is mean about that? What is loving about that?

Like, honey, I, you know, I asked you to do that, and you didn't do it. And, like, you need to ask forgiveness for that because that was wrong.

Like, that's a rebuke. Like, is that mean? That's not mean. That's just normal, calm, direct. You know, love of my life.

I love you. Care about you. I want you to honor the Lord. And that isn't the way to do it, right?

I mean, and that's just a normal part of, hey, you know, you got to repent.

You got to repent of this, okay? All right. You can't just sit there and give me the cold shoulder because I said something you didn't like.

We got to be reconciled, right? Yeah. Give me a hug. Come on. Right?

Give me a hug. Yeah. Give me a hug. Pretend like you mean it, you know?

But I mean, there's all sorts of ways that you can rebuke someone that are not just tyrannical, out of control, crazy.

But I mean, if that's not just a natural, normal part of your life, honey, you need to repent, you know? That did not honor the

Lord. I'm willing to forgive you if you ask. Like, I just don't know what you're doing in marriage if that's not a part of it.

You get what I'm saying? Yeah. And that's definitely more direct than simply saying, hey,

I'm going to try to encourage them or I'm going to indirectly, you know, I'm going to set the example by the way

I lead, right? Honey, you haven't done the dishes in a week, you know, so I'm not going to bring it up in a direct way to you because then you're going to lose your mind and emote on me.

So what I'm going to do is like I'm going to, you know, basically drop hints around, you know, and try to motivate you in a passive way.

And it's just like, I think if that's what people think leadership is in the home, it's just like, no, I mean, there's like, you have to, your wife's a sinner.

You have to confront her. And just because you, and I think maybe for a lot of people, they just have no category for calmly, intentionally correcting your wife and encouraging her to repent, encouraging her to like, you know, you need to ask the

Lord to forgive you. I'm willing to forgive you. You need to ask the kids to forgive you. We're, you know, like we need to make this right.

Can't go to bed like this, right? With all of this, we need to reconcile.

We need to be restored. Like, I don't, you know, I love you. I care about you.

I want our relationship to be fixed. Can't shelf this. It's only going to get worse. And that's just a normal part of life.

And I don't understand, like, I don't understand what you're doing as a husband if that's not a part of it.

Yeah. And, you know, both ways, you know, same thing happens both ways. You know, she should be doing the same kind of things to you.

Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. This has been another episode of Bible Bashed.

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