Funky Church Names

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If you thought you have heard it all when it comes to dumb church names, you will be surprised as you listen to this show. Consumerism’s end game should not be shocking. Welcome to the 'Nest of Love'?!  

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Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry coming to you from Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.
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No Compromise Radio is a program dedicated to the ongoing proclamation of Jesus Christ, based on the theme in Galatians 2, verse 5, where the
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Apostle Paul said, But we did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour, so that the truth of the gospel would remain with you.
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In short, if you like smooth, watered -down words to make you simply feel good, this show isn't for you.
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By purpose, we are first biblical, but we can also be controversial. Stay tuned for the next 25 minutes as we're called by the divine trumpet to summon the troops for the honor and glory of her
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King. Here's our host, Pastor Mike Abendroth. Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry.
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My name is Mike Abendroth, and I still can't talk. What is going on? That is amazing. How do you talk if you are a radio host and can't seem to get the frog out of your proverbial throat?
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I think what I want to say first of all is, happy birthday to Tuesday guy. I think you ought to go to his
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Facebook page, or does he do Twitter more, or Facebook? Anyway, we are in, not downtown
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Burbank today, but we're in West Boylston. I'm looking outside. It seems, I don't know, it's supposed to be warmer than I thought it was supposed to be today.
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But anyway, I've been working through Hebrews and Jesus being the high priest, and my friend
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Steve Prue sent me this statement from Reverend John A.
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O 'Brien, and it says he was one of America's most influential priest slash writers, born in 1893, ordained chaplain.
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He is the author of 45 books, including a classic in the field of theological study and apologetics entitled
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The Faith of Millions. So he's a Roman Catholic man, and he wrote this.
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This is why it's important to understand Jesus as a high priest, because if he's not good enough, you're going to find things like this.
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Are you ready? It's going to be shocking for those three viewers right now. When the priest announces the tremendous work of consecration, he's talking about the
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Roman Catholic priest. He reaches up into the heavens, brings Christ down from his throne.
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I mean, I don't have to go any further, do I? And places him upon our altar to be offered up again as the victim for the sins of man.
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It is a power greater than that of saints and angels, greater than that of seraphim and cherubim.
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So we're talking about mass, we're talking about the Roman Catholic Sunday or Saturday or any other day of the week offering.
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This is all in light of Hebrews 7 .27, once for all, Hebrews 9, once for all,
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Hebrews 10, once for all, Jesus on the cross, it is finished. The writer goes on to say, indeed it is a greater even than the power of the
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Virgin Mary. While the blessed Virgin was the human agency by which Christ became incarnate a single time.
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See where this is going? The priest brings Christ down from heaven and renders him present on our altar as the eternal victim, capital
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V, at least they've given that, excuse me, for the sins of man not once, but a thousand times.
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The priest speaks and lo Christ, the eternal and omnipotent God bows his head in humble obedience to the priest's command.
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I wanted to go on a diet today, so this might help me. Of what sublime dignity is the office of the
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Christian priest who is thus privileged to act as the ambassador and the vice regent of Christ on earth.
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He continues the essential ministry of Christ. He teaches the faithful with the authority of Christ.
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He pardons the penitent sinner with the power of Christ. He offers up again the same sacrifice of adoration and atonement, which
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Christ offered on Calvary. No wonder that the name which spiritual writers are especially fond of applying to the priest is that of alter
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Christus for the priest is and should be another
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Christ. I think Paul had something to say about other Christ in Galatians chapter one.
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Did he not? Well, my name is Mike Abenroth. This is No Compromise Radio Ministry. I don't know why I say that.
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This demonstrative pronoun, I am no compromise. If you follow us on Twitter or Facebook, I think once in a while,
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Spencer might put some things up for shows. Once in a while, Ben might put some things up for media.
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But most of the time I'm the culprit. So if you're mad at somebody, no compromise radio, you can be mad at me.
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Pastor Steve, Tuesday guy, I don't think he does many things that are mad worthy. I'm not a big
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Tears for Fears fan, but I remember that song. It's a mad world. I was preaching through Hebrews when we started the book several years ago, and it's got all the
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Jesus is greater than angels stuff. And so somebody came up to me afterwards and gave me a little angel that I keep.
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And so there's the special angel. I don't know why angels tend to look like ladies that are,
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I don't know, what were those love is characters? Remember that love is, and it showed some kind of, I don't know, weird faced,
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I don't know. They weren't demonic looking, but they were, I don't know, they were awful.
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Years ago, our church changed its name from Bethlehem Baptist Church to Bethlehem Bible Church.
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I want to say the year was about 1999, so 20 years ago, we changed our name.
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The church started as Bethlehem Baptist Church. I don't think it had anything to do with Piper's Church in Minnesota.
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I think it had to do with Baptist General Conference, and of course, Piper is Baptist General Conference, or the church is where he used to be the pastor.
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And Baptist, you know what Baptist means, general, Jesus generally died, he didn't die for anyone in particular.
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It wasn't a definite atonement or particular redemption or limited atonement. It was he died generally, and then church is self -explanatory.
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Well, Baptist General Conference started doing some weird things, psychology, Bill Heiboltz was their poster boy, and women pastors, and so we left in 1999, and then we changed our name to, well, we bought some land a few years ago, and I thought, you know what, if we ever build and move,
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I kind of would like to get away from Bethlehem Bible Church, BBC. People just say
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BBC. I think that's probably better, Bethlehem, no, I think Beth and Lechem, right, house of bread.
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And so if you get bread here and nourishment and sustenance, if you think about the incarnation when you're here,
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I don't mind those. That's fine. But it reminds me of the old St.
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Bethlehem's, the Assane Asylum in London, I want to say 1400s, but I could be wrong in the dates.
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And people who would walk past it would say the activities that the people were doing at St.
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Bethlehem's, they just contracted the word, right? So here in New England, we do the same thing. It looks like Leominster, but we just say
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Lemonster. It looks like Leicester, but we say Leicester. It looks like,
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I don't know, I can't think of any others right now. I know we pronounce the city
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Auburn, A -U -B -U -R -N, we pronounce it A -W -B -I -N,
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Auburn. Anyway, they said what's going on at St. Bethlehem's was like Bedlam.
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So, this is Bedlam Bible Church, and mainly not because of the people, but because of the pastor. So, I'm working through Hebrews, and I'm thinking to myself, you know what, should we change the name of our church?
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It's going to be difficult to change the name of the church for two reasons. One, people would freak out, right?
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How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb, Jade? And number two, what would we change it to?
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Now, Hebrews has been going on and on and on, chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
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Jesus is greater than the prophets. He's better than the angels. He's better than Moses. He's better than Aaron.
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And you just see the refrain, He's better, better, better, better, better. By the way, this is an excellent thing for you to examine if you want five ways sermons.
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If you want six Bible characters to emulate. If you want to read the
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Bible like a theological liberal, this is a good book for you because it's a sermon and it's an epistle. It's an epistle and a sermon.
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And this writer, this preacher, will not let you stop thinking about who Jesus is.
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He wants you to just see, by faith, through these words, the personal work of Jesus because that's what you need.
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He is what you need, the Lord Jesus. And when we talk about gospel -centered ministries, we're talking about ministries that center around Jesus, i .e.
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the root word for Christian, right? So it says in chapter 8, verse 1, now the point in what we are saying is this.
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It's not technically a summary. What he's saying is, this is the point, this is the high point.
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We have, present tense, such a high priest, one who was seated at the right hand of the throne of the majesty in heaven, a minister in the holy places, in the true tent that the
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Lord set up, not man. And therefore, if we are thinking about church names, what about Christ Our High Priest Church?
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The writer of Hebrews, that's what he would name the church. Christ Our Great High Priest Community Baptist Church.
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Okay, I know we probably have some Presbyterians watching, Presbyterians watch, or listen to the show. No Anglicans.
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I don't think we have, there are no Anglicans allowed to listen to this show. Christ Our High Priest Church, doesn't seem to have a flair to it, does it?
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Not the kind of the marketing pizzazz that you might like. Now, there are Christ Our King, right?
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I've never heard of Christ Our Prophet, and I've never heard of Christ Our Preach Church. I've never heard of Christ Our Priest Church, Christ The Lord Church, Christ Our Lord Church.
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I've heard of those. Christ Church might be the most biblical, because that's what we are, is Christ Church.
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I pulled up an article by Shane Morris, and he writes for The Federalist, and he makes fun of church names, and he categorizes all the church names.
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And so, I was thinking about this today, the next two shows I'm going to do are from the Bible. This is just, this is just no compromise radio.
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I'm just thinking about this main point here. Such a high priest we have, present tense, seated, all his work of atonement is done.
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Christian, you can just rest in the finished work of Christ. You can be motivated by the finished work of Christ. You can rejoice in the finished work of Christ.
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And Shane Morris of The Federalist said some churches, they just have random words for their titles.
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Reality Church, Intersect Church, Destiny City Church, Intersect Church, Compass Church.
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And he said, some names make me wonder if a deacon's kid selected them while looking out the window during a road trip.
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Among them, these are real church names, Red Door, The Branch, The Harbor, The House.
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What if your church was named The House? That sounds like some kind of T .D.
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Jakes thing, doesn't it? Potter's House, is that what it's called? I think so. Journey.
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Of course, you know, we could talk about that. The Orchard, The Painted Door, and The River. Where are you going today?
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I'll come to the church, The River. Now, I will say on a side note, as I'm going to make fun of a lot of these church names.
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If your church has a dumb name, Bethlehem, but they preach
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Christ Jesus there, they preach the gospel, then I'm fine with it.
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If you've got a dumb name and you do dumb things, then it's doubly dumb, right? But if you have a church that has a name that's kind of crazy, but really, there's gospel ministry that goes on there, right preaching of the gospel and the word, and the preaching through the books of the
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Bible, talking about Jesus in his atonement, talking about Christ, our high priest. And they rightly administer the sacraments, call them ordinances if you'd like.
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And there's church discipline, I'm fine. But if you don't do those things, the name adds to the hilarity.
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Mike just said, consider wisely what you need your children to. And then he said, amen.
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Did you, Mike, name your child, amen? And then what do you name the second one?
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Amen, amen. The third one, truly, truly. Fourth one, verily, verily.
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How about this category of church names by Shane? Grocery store romance novel.
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And so what we have here is Burning Hearts. How would you like to be a man?
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And you're inviting your buddy, you're down at the gun range together, skeet shooting. And you've got your 12 -gauge
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Mossberg there. And Paul, hey, by the way, I don't know what you're doing this
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Saturday. Sunday, rather. They probably have Saturday services. But you want to come to church with us?
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And the guy takes a drag on a cigar. Yeah, sure. What's the name of it? Burning Hearts.
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I hope he'd have enough sense to say, I don't go to some John Eldredge church. Door of Hope, Epiphany Station.
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Wow. Liberating Spirit. That sounds like some kind of demonic thing out of Acts chapter 19.
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Mercy Road. That sounds like a country song to me. New Horizons. Second Chance Church.
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I don't know about you, but I need about 5 ,000 chances. So I'd be out of the
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Second Chance Church. Shepherd of the Prairie. Think Michael Landon.
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Stephen's online. He says we have Audacity Church. I mean, that takes a lot of guts to go there.
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Anthem Church. Church on the Move. Some of these church names, I think to myself, what if I know deep down and what if it's true that I'm weak and sinful and self -righteous and have all kinds of problems and I have to go to a church called
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Excel? I mean, I guess if they're saying Jesus is the one that excels, therefore rest in him.
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But I don't think they're saying that to those type of church names. What about my all -time de -favorite?
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The Nest of Love. Now see, how can
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I be serious with all this stuff? Senior Pastor. Wordy Work.
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The Nest of Love. I think that's like the honeymoon suite down in Jamaica at some hotel.
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Come on. This is crazy. Now, the point in what we are saying is this.
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We have such a high priest, one who is seated at the right hand of the throne of the majesty in heaven.
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There are also churches here that Shane says are like gated communities. Cross Bridge, Life Point, The Bridge.
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He said some sound like nightclubs, Dwell, Elevate, Epic. See, that would be hard again because I know people who are like that.
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Deep Down How Bad I Am, Eustace et Peccator, Simultaneously Just and Sinful.
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How about Ignite, Lighthouse, Oasis, Submerge.
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I don't know, but that's like some kind of charismatic thing. We have to submerge in the oil of the spirit.
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The Alley. That's interesting. I think I used to go to a bar when I was an unbeliever in Omaha called
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The Alley. The Encounter, The Experience. Have you ever been experienced?
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The Pursuit, The Spot. The Spot sounds like, I don't know, some kind of spy. What are those two spies?
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The black cartoon spy and the white cartoon spy?
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Spy versus spy? Is that what it is? I spy, spy versus spy. The Verge, Vida Explosiva.
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That's the kind of church that they... I bet you that they use the message in Vida Explosiva.
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What's it say in Romans, Hebrews 8 for that? In essence, we have just such a high priest.
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Authoritative, right alongside God, conducting worship in the one true sanctuary built by God.
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He starts off okay and then goes crazy conducting worship. The assigned task of a high priest is to offer both gifts and sacrifices, and it's no different with the priesthood of Jesus.
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If he were limited to earth, he wouldn't even be a priest. We wouldn't need him since there are plenty of priests to offer the gifts designated in the law.
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What does that mean? That's not true. These priests provide only a hint of what goes on in the true sanctuary of heaven.
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That part's true, which Moses caught a glimpse of as he was about to set up the tent shrine.
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He loves dashes, hyphenations. It was then that God said, be careful to do it exactly as you saw it on the mountain.
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So, I have a new church name. How about The Mountain? I bet you it exists. I critiqued a seminary student at Master's Seminary for the doctoral program, and his church is named...
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I hope he doesn't want to show. His church is named Cool Community. C -O -O -L.
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I was thinking of Cool Hand Luke, and I thought, how would you name your church Cool Community? Nothing ruffles your feathers.
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Everything's cool. Anyway, it's in the town of Cool, Northern California. So, I guess if your city is named weirdly, it's okay to have a weird church name, because if it's
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Doing Life Church, and you're in the city of Doing Life, then it might work.
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Shane at The Federalist said some churches are named after gyms, he thinks. Champion Life Church, Action Church, Church on the
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Move, Potential Church, V Life Church, and Shane said, which actually sounds more like a protein shake, but oh well.
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He said some sound like internet startups. Catalyst, Engage, Gateway, Genesis, Legacy.
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How about SX, 286SX, 386DX.
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Perimeter, Quest, Rethink Life Church. All right, see, I think they're onto something.
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Some sound like the spa, or as we say here in New England, the spar. Renovate, Radiate, Cool Water, H2O Church.
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This is maybe the dumbest. Sandals. You have to take them off.
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I just was rereading Exodus, and God shows himself right in the burning bush, and Moses has to take off his sandals, and then you see that replayed in Joshua, and same thing that's happening there.
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Sandals. Maybe, you know, I went to a wedding a while ago, and on the dance floor, at the reception,
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I walked over, and I saw the dance floor, and I thought, what are all those flip -flops there for?
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Said, ladies, flip -flop. Mike said, 24 -hour fitness Bible Church.
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It just has a key. Everybody's a member. They'll be staffing just two hours a day.
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Anyway, the flip -flops were for the ladies that didn't want to dance in their heels. Okay, Embrace Church, Enjoy Church, Dream Church, Happy Corner Church, Rejoice, Relevant, Relevant Life, here's one,
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Fun Church. Hey, most churches these days, they bill themselves as the fun church, even though it doesn't say that.
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And then he's got the huh category, H -U -H, question mark.
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Cowboy Church, Caleb's Foot. Now, the point in what we are saying is this.
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We have such a high priest, one who is seated at the right hand of the throne of the majesty in heaven. Welcome to Caleb's Foot.
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Come on. You've probably heard of Scum of the Earth Church. I have heard of them.
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Fishnet Worship Center. Do they have a dress code? Rich Valley Church.
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That fits in Rich Valley. Okay. Rock City, trademark, Westside Jesus Church.
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And he basically says, Shane does, we're afraid of who we are, right?
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That's at the bottom line of all this stuff. And if you get the right marketing, you get the right branding, you get the right rebranding, get the right consultants, you get the right consumeristic thing, what do people want?
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Then we give them what they want. And then he says, and by the way, it's not working. These secret sensitive churches, and that's essentially what they are, they don't work because you can't sustain that.
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How do you motivate people for the long term? Anyone can motivate people short term. You can motivate people by greed.
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Give and you'll get. You can motivate people by fear. Don't give or else.
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Attend or don't. Don't forget to duck. There's ways to motivate people.
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But long -term motivation is presenting again to the people with nothing new, nothing innovative, but back to the same old story about Jesus and his love and his person and his work and what the
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Bible says about him for true obedience and how he died for your sins and he paid for the penalty of sins and the power of your sins because of your union with Christ has been broken and ultimately the presence of sin in the new heavens, right?
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And when you see God face to face, it'll all be taken care of. And it's the Heidelberg Catechism, guilt, grace, gratitude.
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That's how you motivate people, anything less. I mean, 95 % of these churches, I'm sure, have the model of motivating people with how to's and fear and the steps and everything else.
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If motivation is anything less than Jesus and union with Christ, then what happens?
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Then you either become prideful or you despair. Prideful because you think you actually obey the law as God expects.
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Or you despair because you really realize, you know what? I'm not who I think I am. And I might put on a good front to other people, but I know deep down inside what
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I am like and who I am, and therefore you have to be very careful. I don't think we'll change the church name to Christ Our Great High Priest Church, but that's what they should be.
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That's what every church should be. That's what this church should be conveying. Jesus Christ, every single week, prophet, priest, and king.
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What's your church's marketing strategy? I don't have a marketing strategy. I'm not supposed to market.
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I'm not supposed to talk about the four piece of marketing and price and product and place and promotion. I'm supposed to talk about who
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Jesus is, Him we proclaim, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom so that we might present people perfect or complete in Christ Jesus, or mature in Christ Jesus, right?
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And that's why we strive, and Paul labors for this purpose, and so do we, that we might strive according to his power, which works mightily within us.
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That's what we're after. And as Mike said there, I have no other argument. I have no other plea. And that's what we're after. We'll see the
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Facebook folks in about five minutes. God bless you. No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Abendroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.
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Bethlehem Bible Church is a Bible teaching church firmly committed to unleashing the life transforming power of God's word through verse by verse exposition of the sacred text.
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Please come and join us. Our service times are Sunday morning at 1015 and in the evening at six. We're right on route 110 in West Boylston.
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You can check us out online at bbchurch .org or by phone at 508 -835 -3400.