God Centered Leadership in Marriage

Grace Fellowship Church

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This sermon is from Grace Fellowship Church in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. To access other sermons, or to learn more about us, please visit our website at graceedmonton .ca.

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Well, for those of you who have been to a number of the weddings this summer, you'll know that I have a challenging task ahead of me, because in some ways

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I feel like I have preached a great deal to husbands and about husbands, and it left me wondering what

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I'm going to come to today with, and how

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I'm going to bring this truth to bear that we've already heard preached on a couple of occasions.

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Now, not all of you have been there, and so at least I'm home free in that regard, but today

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I want to bring to you an exhortation to the husbands in our congregation, and to the, as I've prayed, the soon -to -be husbands and the would -be husbands, to be the men of God that our

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Lord has designed you to be in relationship to your wife. And I want to start by quoting a brother from the 19th century, a

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Presbyterian minister, a man named Thomas DeWitt Talmadge. He once commented on the wonder of being a husband.

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And, husbands, it is a wonder. He said this, he said, If a man, and hopefully you can see through the 19th century language here, if a man during all his life accomplishes nothing else except to win the love and help and companionship of a good woman, he is the garlanded victor, and ought to have the hand of all people between here and the grave stretched out to him in congratulations.

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If you want to form a receiving line at the end of the service today, we can congratulate all of the married men as they leave the room.

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You are the garlanded victor, having found a faithful wife. There are few privileges as great as the honor and privilege of being the husband of a loving and faithful wife.

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And though the wonder of this gift has been increasingly lost in our culture today, we have seen that with our own eyes, it is an unspeakable blessing from God to find yourself the husband of a faithful wife.

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Our good God in the wise counsel of his word has laid this out for us again and again, that we would be reminded of the high and privileged calling of the

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Christian husband. I'm going to pick just from one book. Jerry, pick a few verses. From the book of Proverbs, in chapter 18, in verse 22, we read this.

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Husbands, would -be husbands, hear these words. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the

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Lord. Wives, you can nudge your husbands and remind them of this.

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Similarly, in Proverbs 12, in verse 4, we're told an excellent wife is the crown of her husband.

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Or in Proverbs chapter 31, in verses 10 through 12, we read these famous words.

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An excellent wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

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She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. Men of our church, if you find yourself in such a privileged position to be married, and to be married to such a wife, you are truly blessed of God.

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From God's perspective, it is better to win for yourself a wife than it is to win the lottery.

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It is far better to secure the love of a faithful Christian woman in the covenant of marriage than it is to secure all of the wealth in the world.

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And as Christians, who are rightly instructed in the joys of marriage, we should look on the world with pity.

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As they trade the covenant blessings of marriage for the fleeting pleasures of wealth and career advancement and leisure and serial promiscuity.

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Men, to be a married man is to be a garlanded victor.

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Do you believe it? And does your life reflect it? To be a husband is one of the very highest callings in life.

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It is to be a faithful and godly husband to one's wife is a man's first ministry.

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It must be his chief priority after following the Lord Jesus. And today as we approach

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Paul's words in Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 25 through 33, Paul instructs us as husbands on how we must carry this ministry out.

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The privilege of this calling. You might be wondering, why am I saying this? Is it to puff up the minds of our wives?

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It's not to do that. Not to puff them up with pride. But it is for us to understand this.

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That the privilege of this calling requires that we pursue excellence with the utmost diligence.

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It is a blessed calling that requires our highest commitment.

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Our usefulness in this life. If we are married men, depends on our husbanding.

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The physical and spiritual welfare of our families demands it. And even the promotion of godliness in the world beyond the walls of the church hinges on it.

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As we heard last week, the husband is the head of his household.

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This is not something that he aspires to. It is something that he is already. Whether he likes it or not.

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He is the head by God's design. Where he goes, the family goes. And as such, as his wife's calling is to submit to him as head under Christ, the husband's calling is to lead.

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And today Paul shows us how we are to exercise gospel -centered leadership in our marriages.

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Our brother Sam brought to us last week gospel -centered submission. And if we were to preach that, we would only be telling you half the story.

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Here we see gospel -centered leadership in marriage. He shows us how.

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And this is my desire for this church. How to establish a heritage of godliness and of gospel centrality in our marriages and in our church life.

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How we preach Christ and him crucified not only with our words but with our actions.

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How we commend Christ to our wives and to our children and to the church and to the world.

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And so, we see Paul's words in Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 25. And with our

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Bibles turned there, let's read those verses together. Paul writes, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

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Why? Verse 26. That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

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In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

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For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

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Because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

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This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

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However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

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This afternoon, what I want to take us through are four marks of a

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Christ -like husband and leader. Our brother last week could count to three,

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I'm going to do one better, and I can count to four. Four marks of a Christ -like leader, and we're going to start with this.

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To be a Christ -like husband, to be a Christ -like leader, is first of all to be a student of Christ.

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Now, where am I getting that in the text? As Paul begins his instruction to husbands in verse 25, he does not immediately point us, you'll see, to ten points of practical application.

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He doesn't give us five love languages that he commends to us in service of our wives.

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But he points us instead to a body of knowledge. In the section that addresses husbands, we find that it is at least three times longer than the instruction given to wives.

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And of these verses that he speaks to husbands, one third of these verses are given to this, to an exposition of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

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See it with me in verse 25, how Paul begins with these words, Husband, love your wives, and then for the next three verses says nothing else about husbands, but instead majors on the person and work of Jesus Christ.

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Brothers, men, if we are to be Christ -like, faithful, loving, effective, capable husbands, we must be first of all students in the school of Christ.

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We must be students of the gospel. Men who desire to be faithful husbands, you must know the gospel inside and out.

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It must be the lifeblood coursing through your very veins. We must master the gospel and we must be mastered by it.

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Brothers and sisters, I invite you to study this gospel with me. In verse 25 we read,

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The husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

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Here we see the work of Christ in all of its perfection, in all of its glory, in all of its wonder.

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John in his first epistle, he says, Let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth.

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Here Christ shows us what this love looks like. Did Christ love in word only?

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Just a few verses earlier in 1 John 3 and verse 16, we read this, By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

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And here we see, in this verse, the beauty and the truth of particular redemption.

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That Christ did not die, as some suppose, for a mass of nameless people, potentially.

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But that Christ died for his church specifically, particularly, definitely.

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And this is one of the most beautiful truths in all of the world. We've talked about this in times past, how we might defend the doctrines of grace.

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And speak on particular items in that TULIP acronym.

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And most people arrive at that L in the acronym. That idea of limited atonement.

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A word that I don't actually prefer. I prefer the term definite atonement or particular redemption.

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But TULIP or TULIP doesn't quite have the same ring to it. But here we see

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Paul teaching this idea of particular redemption. Of an atonement made specifically for his people.

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That as Christ went to the cross, he went, dear brothers and sisters, if you are in Christ, he went to that cross for you in particular.

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For you specifically. Our brother read from John chapter 10 just a few moments ago.

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John chapter 10 verse 15. We read there, For just as the

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Father knows me, our Lord said, and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for who?

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But I lay down my life for the sheep. The good shepherd was not engaged in some form of reckless love.

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Dying on every hill to accomplish a potential salvation for a potential church.

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But when the Lord Jesus Christ went to the cross, he went to die for his people in particular.

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John chapter 17 verse 19. You might remember our

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Lord's high priestly prayer in the garden. In verse 19 he says, But for the world's sake

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I consecrate myself. No, he says for their sake I consecrate myself.

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Speaking of his consecration leading up to the cross. That they also may be sanctified in truth.

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So when the Lord went to the cross, and we read about it in John chapter 19. Here we are bunny hopping through John's gospel.

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When he said, it is finished. And bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

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It was not a potential atonement. Potentially finished for a potential people.

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But it was a true atonement. Definite and particular for his bride, the church.

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And verse 26 tells us why our Lord gave himself up for his church.

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He says that he might sanctify her. Having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word.

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So that he might present the church to himself in splendor. Without spot or wrinkle or any such thing.

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That she might be holy and without blemish. The purpose that the Lord went to the cross particularly.

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Is that he might sanctify us. By the washing of the word and to present us blameless to himself.

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Now when theologians have looked at verse 26. They've seen those words sanctify.

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And having washed her by the water of the word. And there's been some debate over what that means. John Calvin for instance.

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He said that that washing of the word perhaps referenced baptism. And the waters of baptism.

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Other theologians have stormed in and argued absolutely not. But how are we to interpret it?

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The Lord Jesus Christ. At the exact moment. At the exact time that the father had appointed went to the cross.

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That he might sanctify us. You could say in reality.

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Physically. Progressively in him. And two that he might justify us.

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And present us to himself in splendor. Without spot or wrinkle. In Titus 2 .14

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we read. That Christ himself gave himself for us. To redeem us from all lawlessness.

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And to purify for himself a people for his own possession. Who are zealous for good works.

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And that he might wash us. There's a close relationship here between washing and the word.

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For instance in John chapter 15 in verse 3 we read. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.

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Or in John chapter 17 in verse 17. Sanctify them in truth for your word is truth.

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The Lord Jesus Christ went to the cross. That he might save us from the very wrath of God.

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That he might present us without blot. Spot or blemish. Imperfection without spot or wrinkle.

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Or any such thing that we would be holy and without blemish. And that he might sanctify us through the ministry of his word.

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Through the work of the spirit and the ministry of the word. We might be both justified and sanctified.

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And we see at the end of verse 27 that glory of double imputation.

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That she might be holy and without blemish. That the Lord Jesus Christ went to the cross.

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That he might be able to save us. As we read in the song of Solomon in chapter 4 in verse 7.

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You are altogether beautiful my love. There is no flaw in you. Brothers if you are to be a faithful husband.

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You must be well versed in this gospel. That we are great sinners.

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And that Christ is a greater savior. And he came to die for his people. And in dying for his people.

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He came both to justify us and to sanctify us. We must be students of this gospel and of Christ.

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I encourage you brothers to read marriage books. There are many good marriage books. I don't normally do this as you know.

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But I will commend a couple. The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott. Read good marriage books.

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Get your wife the excellent wife. Read them together and discuss them. How you might be better husbands and wives.

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Or would be husbands. If I can commend to you an even better marriage book. Read the book of Romans.

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Read the book of Ephesians. Read the gospels of our Lord Jesus Christ. And meditate.

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Stew yourself in the truths of what Christ has done for us. And then having read everything that the word has to say about Christ.

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Then go to books on the gospel. For every one marriage book like this that you read.

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Read three books about Christ and his cross. Here are a couple if you are taking notes.

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When your wife and your children find you reading. And they ask you,

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Dad. Honey, what are you reading? You can tell them, I am reading a marriage book.

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Really, what is the title? It's the cross of Christ by John Stott. It's the cross he bore by Frederick Leahy.

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It's the death of death and the death of Christ by John Owen. Brothers, saturate yourselves in the gospel.

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And men, you've never probably thought about it this way. But being students of Christ. Be students.

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One of the greatest things that you can give your wife and your children. Is to be a studious man.

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Who seeks to refresh his mind. And to develop his mind. And to build up his thoughts and his esteem of Christ.

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Albert Mohler speaking on this topic. He says this. A close look at many churches will reveal.

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That a central problem. Is a lack of biblical maturity among the men.

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In the congregation. And a lack of biblical knowledge that leaves men ill equipped.

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And completely unprepared to exercise spiritual leadership. So what does he give as the remedy?

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He says boys must be taught how to know. To treasure. To honor.

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And to understand the Bible. They must know their way around the biblical text.

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To feel at home in the study of God's word. They must be taught how to read with care.

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To rightly divide the word of truth. And they must learn how to apply the eternal truths of God's word.

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To the challenges of modern manhood. Brothers we must be about Christ.

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If we are to be faithful husbands. The Puritans used to say our souls first marriage is with Christ.

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Brothers pursue health in that marriage first. Be full of the gospel.

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And then Paul goes on. In verse 28. The second mark of a Christ like husband and leader is this.

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He is an imitator of Christ's love. An imitator of Christ's love.

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In verse 28 we read this. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

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He who loves his wife loves himself. Now I was saying to our brother

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Sam before today's service. That this text in many ways is not that technically challenging.

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It could be the kind of text that a brother could come up and read the text. Say one sec we'll read it again.

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Amen. We're dismissed brothers go do it. Sisters pray for the men. But I want us to see here for a moment.

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That there is some aspect of technicality here. There is some explanation that needs doing.

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And it's to understand just how counter cultural these instructions were to husbands.

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The Greco -Roman philosophers of Paul's day taught that it was good and right for a husband to love his wife.

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But they would always use that love philo. Which if we remember what philo love is.

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It is a brotherly affection. It's kind of a chummy love. It's you know we're partners.

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We'll get along. A happy wife is a happy life kind of love. Paul is not commending that kind of love.

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He does not reason with the stoic philosophers and thinkers of his day. But in verse 25 and then again in verse 28.

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When he says in the same way. In the same way as Christ. When husbands should love their wives.

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What love does he use? Agape love. The fullest love.

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A self -sacrificial love. A Christ -like love. A love that lays down one's life for his wife.

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It's a love that takes the authority that God has given us. To serve the wife that he has put before us.

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Our authority serves an important role. We heard our brother speak about that last week. It's to bring order to marriage.

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It's to bring order to the family life. It is to protect the family from chaos and confusion and disorder.

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But brothers we must love our wives in a biblical manner.

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Stuart Scott says we should not love to rule. But we should rule to love. And brothers if love is to characterize our marriages.

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We must be as we are students of Christ. Students of love. There's a story about Samuel Rutherford.

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Some of you will know who that man is. If you've ever been in my study. There is a frame on my wall with a quote from Samuel Rutherford.

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About how faithful and diligent he was in the study of scripture. And the shepherding of the flock that was entrusted to him.

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And one day he went to a man named James Durham's house. James Durham was a

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Puritan preacher in his day as well. And he went on a Saturday evening to hear him preach the following day.

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And because Samuel Rutherford was a well -known Puritan. He decided he didn't want to receive praise.

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He didn't want to get glory. So he dressed down and dressed in his most beggarly clothes. And went and arrived at James Durham's house on the

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Saturday evening. And James Durham because where should you find a preacher on a

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Saturday evening? Probably in their study. James Durham was in his study.

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And so his wife welcomed Samuel Rutherford to the door. And seeing that he was in beggar's clothing. She brought him into the home.

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Brought him to a room. And seating him in the room began to catechize him. Asking him questions to ascertain what his knowledge of the scriptures was.

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And she asked Samuel Rutherford. She said, how many commandments are there? And Rutherford replied, there are eleven commandments.

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And James Durham's wife thought, oh boy. He knows nothing at all.

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This man is completely uneducated. And so she instructed him on the ten commandments.

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And the following day when her husband James Durham was preaching. Samuel Rutherford in his beggar's clothes came and listened to the preached word.

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And there was fellowship. And because this is a church that we aim to be like at some point. They had an afternoon service.

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An evening service as well. And during the evening service. To her shock and dismay.

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The beggar ascended to the pulpit and began preaching. And she thought, how can this uninstructed beggar begin preaching.

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When he thinks that there are eleven commandments. She wondered to herself, what is my husband doing?

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Why would he allow this? And then Rutherford ascended to the pulpit.

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And he read from John chapter 13 in verse 34. A new commandment

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I give you. That you love one another. As I have loved you.

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You also are to love one another. And then Samuel Rutherford standing in front of the congregation said.

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This is the eleventh commandment. And it is really the first commandment.

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And it is the sum of them all. Husbands. In a way that is completely counter cultural.

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In a way that breaks the mold. In a way that puts every beta male to shame.

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Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. We are called to excel at this love.

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Especially toward our wives. Our marriage is to serve as the research and development department of our every expression of Christian love.

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Before our love is expressed in the world. It is perfected in the home and directed at our wives.

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We are to love with a Christian love. A first Corinthians 13 kind of love. Where our love is patient.

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And our love is kind. And our love does not envy. And it does not boast. Where our love is not arrogant.

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Brothers. Where our love is not rude to our wives. Where our love does not insist on its own way.

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Where it is not irritable or resentful. Where it does not rejoice at wrong doing. Even when your wife is wrong.

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But it rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things. Love believes all things.

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Love hopes all things. Love endures all things. Brothers.

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Brother husbands. Brother would be husbands. This is characteristic of our reformed heritage.

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This is characteristic of biblical spirituality. To be men of love.

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And to be men of love that expresses itself in sweetness towards your wife.

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You should speak so sweetly to your wife. That she should never again for a moment question your commitment to her.

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One historical commentator says that Calvin's wedding sermons are imbued with the word sweetness.

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That one of the things that he used to commend most to the husbands. And some of you know what this is like when I stood between you and addressed you husbands and you wives.

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One of the words that came out of his mouth the most was this. Sweetness.

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To be sweet to your wife. To be kind to her. To treat her as the delicate flower that she is.

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Another historical commentator says that Reformation time was a feeling religion.

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It was an intellectual religion. But see this here. It was an intellectual religion.

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But they felt it. And they believed in the need to embrace with affection the truths they professed.

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Brothers, think of the sweetness that you showed your wives. Your wife. Before you were married.

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In the early days of your relationship. How much sweeter should your relationship be now?

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Should your marriage be now that you have covenanted to love and cherish her all the days of your life?

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How much sweeter now that you are much further along, we hope, we pray, in growth, in grace, and in godliness.

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In the grace and knowledge of our Savior Jesus. Brothers, we are to love our wives.

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And we are to love them skillfully. Joel Beeky said,

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Blessed is the marriage when your eyes are half shut to your partner's faults and wide open to your own.

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And with eyes wide open, loving your wife. In our marriage, this should be the order of our priorities.

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God first. Wife second. And then self third. Or if you have children, you can put self fourth.

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I said it at the onset that I want us in this church to establish a

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Christian heritage of godly families. Imagine that for a moment.

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A church where husband and wife and children sing hymns of praise to God.

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Where the family is led to the throne of God every day in family worship.

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Where the children are memorizing verses and catechism questions so that they can recite deep gospel truths.

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Gatherings where when unbelievers come, they ask themselves, what in the world has gotten into these people?

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I've never seen wives so happy. Husbands so capable. And children so well behaved and pleased to do so.

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Where does that start? It starts with this. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

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And some of you, you might think to yourself, well my wife is not all that lovely. Instead of being gentle and quiet and sweet and submissive.

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She is rude and she is boisterous and she is obstinate and she is self willed.

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Surely, I am not to love that wife in the same, am I? How am

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I to relate to this kind of wife? Let me ask you. What was the condition of Christ's bride when he came to die for her?

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She was dead in her trespasses and sins. Following the course of this world.

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Following the prince of the power of the air. Following the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience.

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And what did Christ do? But he loved her unto death. Richard Baxter, who is well known for his work in the

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Reformed Pastor. He wrote another book called the Christian Directory. And he said this. Do you have an obstinate wife?

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Do you have a wife who isn't what you think she needs to be? Who knows that even though your eyes are half shut to her faults and wide open to your own.

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You see that she has many difficulties. Richard Baxter says this.

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Overcome them with love. And then, whatever they are in themselves, they will be loving to you.

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And consequently, lovely. Love will cause love as fire kindles fire.

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A good husband is the best means to make a good and loving wife.

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And I've learned that to be true in my own life. That when I desire more for my wife,

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I need to demonstrate more for myself first. That if I long for my wife to be in a certain place,

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I need to get there first before her. And then to bring her there with me.

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One brother says, every true hearted husband should seek to be worthy of the wife that he has already won.

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For her sake, he should reach out after the noblest achievements. And strive to attain the loftiest heights of character.

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To her, he is the ideal of all that is manly. And he should seek to become, every day, more worthy of the homage that she pays to him.

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Every possibility in his soul should be developed. Every latent power and energy of his life should be brought out.

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His hand should be trained under love's inspiration to do its most skillful work.

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Every fault in his character should be eradicated. Every evil habit conquered.

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And every hidden beauty of soul should burst into fragrant bloom for her sake.

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One Puritan, Henry Smith, said before, man had any other calling.

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He was called to be husband. And brother, your calling as husband is to love your wife.

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The third mark of a Christ -like husband and leader is this. He is to have, or he has, an aim to nourish and to cherish.

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An aim to nourish and to cherish. In the mystical, sweet communion that we have with God.

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We have become partakers of his body. We are in union with Christ.

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In his life, in his death, in his burial, and in his resurrection. We will spend,

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I know and I trust, an eternity of eternities reflecting on that fact.

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And in a way that mirrors the church's relationship to Christ, the husband and the wife have become one flesh.

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The husband and wife are no longer two people, but one person in place of the two.

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Therefore, when a husband neglects his wife, he neglects himself.

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And when a husband nourishes and cherishes her, he is caring even for himself.

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In verse 29, Paul says, For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

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Because we are members of his body. MacArthur, as he comments on this verse and the surrounding verses, he says,

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Here is one of the most poignant and compelling descriptions of the oneness that should characterize

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Christian marriage. A Christian husband is to care for his wife with the same devotion that he naturally manifests as he cares for himself.

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To nourish and to cherish is to give to your wife a tender affection, a comfort, a security.

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Men who, a couple of years ago, you might recall, we studied the book, The Masculine Mandate.

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To nourish and to cherish is to fulfill the masculine mandate to provide and to protect.

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To bring order and love and goodness into the marriage and into the family.

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And this was a turn of phrase that may have been familiar to Paul's Ephesian audience. There was a similar statement that was made about 200 years before Paul wrote this letter.

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By a man whose name was, I might be mispronouncing this, but Agelius. Who was urging

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King Philip V of Macedon. So maybe for the knowledgeable, you know we have those friends who can recite quotes from a couple hundred years ago, 500 years ago, a thousand years ago in history.

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Maybe the knowledgeable people in Ephesus would recall this. But he said to the king, he said, take thought of the

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Greeks as for your own body. Now whether Paul was aware of this and borrowing from the language of the

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Greco -Roman world or not, we don't know. But here what he is doing is he's calling husbands to the same.

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To express tenderness in their care, in his care of his wife. And as I said just a moment ago, this stood in stark contrast to the culture.

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If you are a Jew in Paul's day, in the Jewish Talmud, there was a list of civil and ceremonial laws.

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And among them there were provisions for divorce. And men were enabled according to the

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Talmud to divorce their wives for a list of trivial defects. Of trivial physical defects.

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And so if you were a husband and married to a wife and you found one of these trivial defects, you could put them aside.

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And some of the defects included this. If your wife had an unsightly mole. If she had bad breath.

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Or if she demonstrated excessive perspiration. For something so mild as a sweaty wife, you could put her away.

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Paul is countering that fully in this instruction.

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In the Greco -Roman world, it was similarly the case. Husbands in the ancient world often entered into marriage with teenage girls.

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Some who were decades younger than them. And it was sometimes the case, imagine this, those of you who were married this year.

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Met their spouse at the altar. That was the first meeting they had. They were to bear, as one person says it, wives were to bear legitimate children and to be faithful guardians.

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Concubines were for the daily care of our persons. You can imagine what that might entail.

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And mistresses for the sake of pleasure. This was the Greco -Roman view of marriage.

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And there's a recorded conversation between the Greek philosopher Socrates. You might recognize that name.

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And one of his friends, Cretobulus. Socrates asked his friend one day, he said,

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Is there anyone else to whom you entrust more serious matters than your wife?

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To which Cretobulus said, no one. And then Socrates asked, is there anyone with whom you speak less than your wife?

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And Cretobulus said, there are few or none, I confess. That his wife had the most important role in the administration of his daily duties.

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And that there were few people in the world that he spoke to less than his own wife. Paul is calling us, men, husbands, to something that is altogether counter -cultural in his day and in ours.

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We are to cherish our wives. We are to nourish our wives.

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We are to care for them as even for our own bodies. And Peter gives us instruction on how we might do this wisely.

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In 1 Peter 3 and verse 7. In 1 Peter 3 and verse 7, we read this last week.

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Peter says, likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

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What does it mean to live with your wife in an understanding way? To show honor to her as the weaker vessel?

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Now, some women are going to read this text. And they're going to grit their teeth and become angry.

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How dare Peter refer to me as the weaker vessel? I don't need to be lived with in an understanding way.

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What does Peter have in mind? Well, to live with your wife in an understanding way.

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You could say is to live knowledgably with them. In our institute studies, we listen to one brother,

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John Street, who gives an excellent lecture, series of lectures, on biblical manhood and womanhood.

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This is my little advertisement. Man, you want to study the gospel? Come join the institute. And study the gospel with us.

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And he says there, you must study your wife. Spend time with her. What does it mean to live knowledgably with her?

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Get to know her. Get to know her gifts, her talents, her interests, her unique combination of abilities.

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Understand your wife's load. Meaning her struggles, her temptations, her sins.

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Many men think that they know their wife when they marry them. Let me just say you don't.

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I've only been married 17 years next Sunday. And I'm telling you, I'm learning things about my wife every single day.

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And the journey's only started for us, Lord willing. Many men think that they know their wife when they marry.

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They must study their wives to live with them in a knowledgeable way.

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Man, you must be students of Christ. You must be students of love and how you are to love your wife well.

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And then you must be students of your wife. Get to know them. What makes them tick?

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What irritates them? What excites them? What propels them Christward?

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And then in treating them as the weaker vessel. Sisters, this does not mean that you are weaker in your intellect.

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It does not mean that you are subject to some measure of futility that your husbands are not.

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But what Paul means, this reference was sometimes used in reference to how one would handle a clay pot.

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You're dealing with something that is delicate. You should treat your wife as the delicate object that she is.

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The delicate object of your love. You must treat her with special care.

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As I said in my first point, my second point maybe it was. You must speak sweetly to her.

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Speak kindly to her. Put on your white gloves and deal gently with your wife.

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Even in the face of sin. Deal with the log in your own eye before you deal with the speck in hers.

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And then, with your white gloves, come and deal with the speck. It means spending time with your wife.

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Giving her the best time of your day after you've given, or maybe I should say the second best time of your day after you've given your best time to the

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Lord. There's a story about a man named Thomas Carlyle, who was an accomplished essayist.

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He was a historian, he was a philosopher in Scotland. He was an accomplished man.

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He's been called one of the most enduring monuments of literature. Thomas Carlyle. And yet chief amongst his accomplishments is this.

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He is credited for having written, as some have said, the saddest sentence in English literature.

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Carlyle was married to his wife Jane for 40 years. And he was so busy putting words on paper.

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And my wife is not here, but I would say this if she were here as well. That one of the things that my wife hears me say far too often is, one more sentence dear,

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I just need to write one more sentence. And this story rebuked me to no end.

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He was so busy putting words on paper, that he had very little time or energy left to speak to his wife.

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Jane lived in a state of constant neglect by her husband. He was full of words, but rarely spoke to her.

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And after 40 years of marriage, Jane died ahead of him, just shy of her 65th birthday.

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And as Carlyle reflected on her death after she was gone, he had only his pen and his paper to communicate with.

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And in his journal, he wrote what has been called the saddest sentence in English literature.

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He said, Oh, that I had you yet by my side for just five minutes more, that I might tell you all, that I might speak sweetly to you, that I might love you and cherish you and nourish you as my own body.

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And he wrote later, he said, cherish what is dearest while you still have it.

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Brothers, if your wife is married, sorry, if your wife is alive, I hope your wife is married.

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Good, I have your attention. If your wife is alive, nourish and cherish her now while you have the opportunity.

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That she might know the love that Christ has for her. That you might know the love that Christ has for you.

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That your children might know the love that Christ has for them. That the church might see what the gospel truly looks like.

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The Lord does not tell us to do this as an exercise in and of itself. But he communicates this to us so that we would see how much

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Christ loves us. And nourishes and cherishes us. Even when we don't care to receive it.

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Even when we spurn him. Even when we turn away and neglect to seek him in prayer.

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And decline to read his word. Show the world.

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Show your wife. Show everyone who can see it. Just how much Christ loves us.

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By nourishing and cherishing your wife. And the fourth mark of a

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Christ -like husband and leader is this. He has an eye to God's design.

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In verse 31. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.

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And the two shall become one flesh. Paul quotes this from Genesis 2 .24. Interestingly, from the

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Septuagint. Which is the Greek translation of the Old Testament. As a

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Greek language learner, I find that fascinating. That we have such a wealth of the scriptures.

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Such a wealth of collection. Wealth in our collection of the scriptures. Quotes from Genesis 2 .24.

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And then he says, this mystery, verse 32, is profound. And I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

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However, let each one of you love his wife as himself. And let the wife see that she respects her husband.

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I want us to see a couple things here. What Paul is bringing us back to is this.

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That our knowledge of marriage and our practice of marriage is not rooted in culture.

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We cannot read this text in Ephesians 5. As some egalitarian friends of ours do.

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And say, this doesn't apply. This was Paul's culture. You have to remember, wives were abused.

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And husbands, they were the big and mighty ones. And yada, yada, yada. No, what

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Paul is doing is he's saying that this here is rooted in the very wisdom of God.

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From the foundation of the world. And then from before the foundation of the world. That a husband is going to leave his father and mother.

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He's going to cleave to his wife. And then in unity, as a one flesh union, they're to carry on into the sunset.

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Husbands, if you were to have God's design for marriage in mind. See this idea of leave and cleave.

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Some of you need to leave your moms. And cleave to your wives.

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Some of you need to leave your hobbies. And your childish way of life. Your kidult mentality.

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And cleave to your wife. That she gets your very best. And this idea of cleave could be translated as to be glued or cemented.

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There's a permanence there. Young men who are not married. Choose well.

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Because once you've chosen. Once you go to that altar. Once you make that wife, that woman, your wife by covenant.

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She is yours forever. It's like stepping foot in drying cement.

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And standing there until it hardens. You are there for the long haul. She is yours.

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I was reading so many quotes from the Puritans this week. Just trying to find fresh perspectives on marriage.

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And I'm not going to quote this one verbatim. I had no intention of doing it. But these Puritans speaking in a time where abuse among wives was a common thing.

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They said, one Puritan said, If you married a woman who is so stubborn and obstinate.

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That you are tempted to beat her. Then you should turn that beating on yourself. Because you're the one that chose her.

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What an image. Choose well. Because once you've chosen.

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You're glued there. You're cemented there. You are permanently there. And then in verse 32.

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The mystery. Paul's theme throughout Ephesians has been mystery.

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Mystery, mystery, mystery. This is the sixth mention of mystery. And we need to know what this mystery is and what this mystery isn't.

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This is not a mystery hidden from God's people. But this is a mystery hidden for God's people.

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Revealed now to you. That when you love your wife well.

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When you nourish and cherish her. When the world sees how important she is to you.

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When you give her your all. When you lay down your life for her. To the extent that you do that well.

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The world is not seeing your marriage. They're seeing the union between Christ and His church.

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This is one of the most important jobs that you will ever have in this life.

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Is to image Christ's love. His sacrificial, all -encompassing life for His bride, the church.

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Brothers, we should take this role deadly serious. Our wives, sorry, our children.

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Should look at our marriage with our wife. And they should glorify

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God. That this is how much Christ loves sinners. The church should see husband's love for wives.

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And it should propel them to praise God more fully when we come together to sing.

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To pay attention more carefully when the word is preached. And in verse 33,

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Paul wraps it all up and summarizes it. The purpose of submission to the husband, wife.

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Is not ultimately to honor the husband. It is to honor Christ. And men, the purpose of loving, nourishing, cherishing and leading your wife.

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Is not to pamper her. But it is to magnify the sacrificial love of the

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Lord Jesus Christ. In the early church, John Chrysostom said.

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Would you have your wife obedient to you as the church is to Christ?

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Then take yourself, take then yourself the same providential care as Christ takes for His church.

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Yea, even if she shall be needful for you to give your life for her. If it means being cut into pieces 10 ,000 times.

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And to endure any suffering whatever. Refuse it not.

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Christ laid at His feet His bride who turned her back on Him. Not by threats, nor by violence, nor by terror.

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But by His unwearied affection. Brothers, let us love our wives in this way.

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Let's pray. Thank you for listening to another sermon from Grace Fellowship Church.

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If you would like to keep up with us. You can find us at Facebook at Grace Fellowship Church. Or our

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Instagram at Grace Church Y -E -G all one word. Finally, you can visit us at our website graceedmonton .ca