March 8, 2021 Show with Vince Hinders on “Ministering to Those Who Have Aborted Their Babies”

The Program Introduction and the Theme of Ministering to Those Who Have Aborted Their Babies

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I'm so thrilled to have back on the program a returning guest, Vince Henders, executive pastor at Redeeming Grace Church of Fairfax, Virginia. And today we are going to be addressing a theme that we have never addressed, at least as a full subject of discussion during the entire program, ministering to those who have aborted their babies.

In fact, we're going to be even focusing more on an even more rarely discussed subject, the men involved in these tragic, horrific, and sinful decisions. But it's my honor and privilege to welcome you back to Iron Sharpens Iron Radio, Vince Henders.

Thank you, Chris. Thanks for having me.

To introduce you to people who have never heard from you before and to refresh the memories of those who have heard you on the program before, tell us about Redeeming Grace Church of Fairfax, Virginia.

We're located in Fairfax, Virginia, a suburb of Washington, D .C. We're about one mile from George Mason University, the largest...

Amen. Well, if anybody wants to find out more about Redeeming Grace Church of Fairfax, Virginia, go to rgcfairfax .org. R-G-C for Redeeming Grace Church. Fairfax, F-A-I-R-F-A-X dot org. Well, this is quite a difficult subject to handle because there are a couple of things that Christians have to keep in balance when ministering to those who have committed such a heinous sin as aborting their children or a child.

On the one hand, the very fact that you're ministering to them is because they are acknowledging that they have done something tragically wrong. They are harboring guilt. They are filled with depression.

And I'm speaking of the specific people today whom are requesting help in this matter, obviously if people are flippant over this or even celebratory over committing these heinous acts, they're not going to be seeking forgiveness from God.

They're not going to be trying to alleviate their guilt, etc. because they have no felt guilt. But those that are, especially those in the body of Christ, who have committed these sins, we have to treat them with compassion, love, and sensitivity without, on the other hand, undermining the severity of what they have done, even if it is, of course, a past act.

We can't undermine the seriousness of it. We can't sweep it under the rug. And, of course, there are going to be different ways when subjects like these are treated because sometimes you may have an actual member of a church who has already professed Christ, who reveals this to you, something that they have done after perhaps joining the church and becoming a member because they have made a credible profession of faith, been baptized, etc.

So, obviously, that's going to be a different situation than somebody who has done this in their past, before their rebirth, before their baptism, etc. But tell us about your own personal experience with this subject.

Sure.

Amen. Well, thank God that he did do that. Now, going back to something that I mentioned when introducing the subject, there is a unique severity. Even though all sin that is not covered by the blood of Christ will send a lost person to hell.

And they could be, in our minds, very trivial sins. They could be what have been defined as white lies, minor thefts. We could go on and on with the things that we typically will undermine their seriousness, but they're still sins that will send us to hell.

But even having said that, there is something uniquely severe, obviously, about the sin of murder. And while ministering to people who have committed murder, both the man and the woman involved in making the decision to have an abortion, which is the murder of a child, and, of course, the men are not always involved in these decisions.

Sometimes they don't even know about the decision the mother is making. And then, of course, even on top of that, sometimes you have a young girl who is being pressured by her parents to do this because they don't want to experience the embarrassment or even just the inconvenience of raising a grandchild or something to that effect.

But don't we always have to keep in mind when we're reaching out to someone with the love of Christ, with the compassion of Christ, that this, indeed, was a very serious crime in the eyes of God?

Yeah, absolutely. But even people who were not raised in Christianity, because of the way the Spirit wasn't too much about it, people are so typically ashamed of what they've done. They don't typically volunteer.

Part of the burden that I have, even in speaking with you here today, and yet if we think that abortions haven't been perpetrated by a lot of Christians and a lot of people in churches, and yet if we ask ourselves, hey, when did anybody ever talk about or confess that sin?

Wow. Now, how do we know that there are many Christians, and I'm talking about genuine, regenerate people, who have been involved in this sin? Because I would think, I guess I could be wrong, but when any kind of a survey like this might be taken, even if it's a secretive one, I'd be surprised that there would be honesty involved in this.

But tell us, how do we know that there are a considerable number of Christians who have had abortions while they are Christians?

Yeah, I've had the privilege of doing a mental, but there definitely are some.

What are, in your experience, the unique ways that men may grieve over this, as opposed to women? And perhaps they're very similar, I don't know. Perhaps they are very different. Yeah, if you could just give us some insight into that.

I think there are a kind of failure, so I think a lot of times that's...

What would be some of the mistakes that you believe Christians may make, they may even commonly make them, when trying to minister people in this situation, those that have murdered their children through abortion, or a child, and perhaps some things that are not necessarily mistakes, but things that are overlooked when seeking to restore a person to fellowship, or to just comfort anybody who grieves over their sin, as long as we know that they are repentant.

Obviously, all of us are sinners, and many of us have committed horrible atrocities before our regeneration, that we have to put into perspective as being paid for by the blood of Jesus. We are not, as Christians, to remain with a huge load of guilt hanging over our heads and hanging off of our necks for the entirety of our lives.

If we are truly convinced that Christ has paid for these sins, and as I said before, at the same time, we don't want to undermine the seriousness of what we or others have done either. So, tell us about some mistakes perhaps that are often made, and things that are overlooked when trying to reach out to this unique group of people.

Yeah, I think often in experiencing the obstacles that they're facing in their relationship, one mistake is going too fast with people. A more significant mistake, a mistake that I've made, is to not always give the hope of the gospel.

They need to be reminded regularly about the hope that they have in Christ, because that's one of the first things that they're tempted to disregard because they're already feeling guilty. I'd be speaking about people that are Christians with the condemnation aspect of it, but how can God love me still if I've done something that's important and that can be a big mistake?

Things that get overlooked, things that can be developed, and fellowship that can be experienced for a long time. And so I think sometimes we overlook the length of time it's going to need to take to walk with somebody so that they really experience completely a foundation in their soul for what's happened.

Now, obviously, a few things involve cookie-cutter answers, cookie-cutter responses, rehearsed scripts that we use when we minister to people. We obviously want to try to avoid that kind of approach.

But at the same time, do you have specific things, specific wording, that people listening can use perhaps as a template where they obviously, just getting some basic facts underneath them, will customize and use what you're saying to approach unique people with their own unique reaction to the sin that they've committed?

What would be a good approach of things or perhaps specific things to say in specific situations because not all of the actions of abortion have resulted for the same reasons, obviously.

Right.

There are different reasons why people have done this. None of them are justifiable. The only time you could possibly justify a young child getting an abortion is if she's absolutely being forced to by her parents.

But I don't even know the legality involved in that kind of a thing. But tell us about some examples of how, with specific wording, people can be approached with this.

Yes, so I think I frame a lot of my counseling. So that frame, how can I build this relationship so that it can be at work? And so I'll ask sometimes a very straightforward question like, what are they actually struggling with right now?

And get kind of a picture of where does it hurt now? And again, this might have been something that happened a year ago. It might have been a group that we had with men. There was a guy that was in there and he had never confessed it to anyone.

I'll typically ask them specific words from the midst of this journey.

The Need for Compassion, Honesty, and the Hope of the Gospel

Well, we have to go to our first break right now. If anybody wants to join us on the air with a question of your own, our email address is ChrisArnzen at gmail .com. C-H-R-I-S-A-R-N-Z-E-N at gmail .com.

Please give us your first name at least, your city and state of residence, and your country of residence if you live outside the USA. Please only remain anonymous if your question involves a personal and private matter.

And obviously, a subject like this may lend itself, certainly, to people wanting to remain anonymous when they ask questions or even perhaps share a part of their story because it is so painful. They are guilt-ridden over it and it's so intimately private, obviously.

Others may have it as a part of their ministries and it's already an openly known public part of their lives. But for any reason that it is a personal and private area or it's an area that involves somebody close to you, we would understand that you'd want to remain anonymous.

But if it's just a general question, please give us your first name, city and state, and country of residence. And our email address again is chrisarnson at gmail dot com. Chrisarnson at gmail dot com.

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The Hope of the Gospel, the Length of Counseling, and Avoiding Cookie-Cutter Responses

We are now back with our guest today, Vince Henders, executive pastor at Redeeming Grace Church in Fairfax, Virginia. We are discussing ministering to those who have aborted their babies, and our email address, if you have questions, is chrisarnsen at gmail .com c-h-r-i-s-a-r-n-z-e-n at gmail .com.

As always, give us your first name at least, your city and state of residence, and your country of residence if you live outside the USA. We have an anonymous listener, Pastor Vince, who wants to know, in keeping with the understanding that babies who have been aborted are indeed real babies, would you suggest that it is completely acceptable for parents going through the grief process of having their baby aborted to even give it a name and to even pray that they will one day be reunited in glory with this child and other reasons why this may be effective in them going through the grief process in recognition of the fact that this was indeed their child?

That's a great question. Now, just out of.

A theological, a biblical question. I don't know if the Bible is this clear on this question, and I actually don't think it is this clear. But are we certain that we are going to meet those whom we love, and in this case, in regard to an aborted child, somebody that we never met, but love as a child now that it is recognized the wickedness that had been done against the child, are we guaranteed that we will meet those that we desire meeting in glory?

I don't think that the Scriptures are very clear about that, but I know that people very often find comfort in the notion of I know that, for instance, I am very much looking forward, when I am in glory, to seeing my late wife, to seeing my mother, to seeing others that I know are there waiting for me.

I know that they are there experiencing indescribable joy with Christ for eternity. And I have that hope and expectation to see them, but I don't know if that is a guarantee that even if I, and I believe I will be in heaven, even if I am there, I don't know if considering the situation that there will be billions there, an uncountable number of people there, I don't know if I will see these specific people.

But what do you have to say about that? Well, thank you, Anonymous listener, and if you are a first-time questioner, send me another email giving me your full name and mailing address because our first-time questioners always win a free New American Standard Bible, so obviously this information will not be disclosed on the air because you requested to be anonymous, so you don't have to worry about that.

Thank you for the excellent question. How, in your experience, how uniquely is this sin because, going back to what I said earlier, it is murder, and you may have very unique ways of Christians coping with this heinous sin that they have committed, just as if they might even be on death row for murdering somebody, or they may just be in prison for murdering somebody, or they may have gotten out of the penalty for such a crime due to a technicality, whatever the case may be, but people who are Christians who have committed murder, and this indeed is murder, what would be some of the unique ways that they are harboring on to grief and guilt, in ways that they can legitimately have victory over this without perhaps erasing it completely from their minds and hearts, but have victory where they are not enslaved to the nightmare of what has happened.

A lot of times when people get to this situation, one is, if they're not a Christian, but for those who had at least some profession of faith going into it, it's typically we under earth that they really had to get their arms around the God's goodness to those who are in misery and distress.

All of a sudden, this starts to become larger and larger in our conversations, so that...

Amen. We have B .B. in Cumberland County, Pennsylvania, who says, Would you advise that people in order to find ways of having victory of this enslavement to grief that they may be experiencing over a serious sin like this, that they be involved in a ministry to others who have committed the same sin?

I have found this to be helpful in different ways in my life when I know that I am ministering to others who have repented of sins that they have committed, and even lost people who have not yet repented of sins that they have committed that are similar to my own.

I think something that I would recommend because those who have been through the trauma of abortion and the guilt and the shame, and we haven't even talked about those with regards to men, who maybe their baby was aborted and they didn't know it.

That's a whole different type of pain and suffering that goes on.

Why don't you delve into that right now? In fact, let me first quickly add for our listener, B .B., that I was a drunk. I not only was a drunk before coming to Christ in my mid-twenties, but I was a drunk even more tragically after backsliding back into it after 18 years of sobriety as a born-again believer and became a drunk again, perhaps even in a more scandalous and publicly known way, and a far less expected way since I had a profession of being a Christian.

But I am haunted by that on occasion. I always have to remember that the blood of Christ has covered this, that I have repented of it. But I have always made it a point to let people know that I am aware of a wonderful Christian rehabilitation ministry for addicts in Boone, North Carolina, Hebron Colony Ministries.

And I have so far directed at least three people to that wonderful ministry, both that ministry and their sister organization in South Carolina for women, Grace Home. And all of those folks who I have referred to these ministries have successfully completed the program and are currently sober, and I'm praising God for that.

So I know that it has helped me personally enormously. And just to remind our listeners, because I never stop singing the praises of this wonderful ministry, you can go to hebroncolony .org hebroncolony .org and pass that information on to everyone you know, especially if you are aware that they are either themselves struggling and battling with this addiction, this sin, or if they have someone in their family, somebody they know, somebody in their church.

Many pastors have asked me for this information. But it's hebroncolony .org and I hope that that helps those listening once again. But I think that I, instead of interrupting you mid-sentence, I'm going to go to our midway break right now, and when we return, you can go specifically into the tragedy, the shock, the horror that many men may be experiencing because they have found out after the fact that the biological mother of their children or their child has murdered the child.

So we'll have you pick up right on that when we return. If anybody else would like to ask a question or even give a part of their own personal story, whether they do so by identifying themselves or if they do it anonymously, that is fine.

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We'll be right back after these messages with more of Vince Henders and our discussion on ministering to those who have aborted their babies. Don't go away.

Ministering to Men Who Discover Their Child Was Aborted Without Their Consent

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PTLBibleRebinding .com PTLBibleRebinding .com. We are excited to announce another new member of the Iron Sharpens Iron Radio advertising family. Banu Gadi, owner of three New York pharmacies, Lee's Drugs of Floral Park, Long Beach Chemists, and Prescription Center of Long Island in Hempstead.

Banu Gadi earned a doctorate in pharmacy degree and is very knowledgeable on the current coronavirus pandemic. Please contact Dr. Gadi so he and his expert staff can give you proper guidance amid all the contradictory confusion we are all hearing in the media.

To find the pharmacy nearest you, call 516 -354 -2000. Call 516 -354 -2000. That's 516 -354 -2000 or order online at leesdrugsrx .com at leesdrugsrx .com. That's leesdrugsrx .com. That's leesdrugsrx .com.

Don't forget to ask about their discount generic drug program.