Church Soup Ep.07 (Doug Wilson, California, Chinese Bears, World Cup Soccer and more!)

Welcome back to Church Soup, the greatest evangelical news show in the history of the Internet. I'm your host Keith Foskey, or as some of you know me, the Harbor Freight version of Doug Wilson. Speaking of Doug Wilson, I recently challenged the famous Muscovite to a debate over our positions on the Millennium, and he has accepted.

I challenge you to a formal, yet hilarious, debate.

Something tells me that this is not going to be all that formal. But I accept.

Porsche, the Cristo Rey, and the Second Commandment

So be on the lookout for that, as the date will be announced soon. Moving on to our top story, luxury car brand Porsche, or is it Porsche? Doesn't matter. Porsche is facing criticism after the company released an advertisement celebrating 60 years of their 911 series, which apparently edited out the Cristo Rey, a statue of Jesus Christ with his arms outstretched, which overlooks the city of Lisbon, Portugal.

After the controversy erupted over the advertisement online, the company released a version of the video with the statue returned. Now, Reformed Baptists and Presbyterians are banding together to boycott the new ad because they argue the statue of Jesus is a Second Commandment violation.

In the opinion of this newsman, the real ungodliness of this entire story is that the price of a 2024 Porsche 911 comes in at a staggering $290 ,000. In the world of Big Eva, Life Church in Colorado recently hosted a Star Wars themed church service where their entire campus was decorated with giant replicas of Star Wars vehicles, including an X-Wing fighter, an AT-ST walker, and the Millennium Falcon, which for some reason Harrison Ford calls Fulcon.

Han Solo, I'm captain of the Millennium Falcon. You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon? Dude, it's Falcon with an A. Listen, I love Star Wars. I have Star Wars posters within reach of me right now.

And before you can say, the reason he says Falcon instead is because Falcon is American and Fulcon is the British pronunciation. Listen, I don't even want you to try to come at me with your Star Wars knowledge.

I know more than you.

Hey there, is there a project you're working on? I know more than you.

All right. But in all seriousness, when did corporate worship become VBS for adults? Like at Saddleback Church, who also jumped into the summer movie theme when their Mr. And Mrs. Pastor team led worship dressed as characters Bo Peep and Woody from Pixar's Toy Story.

Movie-Themed Worship and Biblical Truth

Now according to proponents of this, the purpose is to use popular movies to illustrate biblical truths. But wouldn't it be really cool if maybe next they illustrated truth from some important literary source?

Like the Bible. In international news, a zoo in China is denying allegations that its star sun bear attraction is actually a man dressed in a bear costume. The Hangzhou Zoo located in Zhejiang, Hangzhou, China issued the following statement.

If you get someone to wear such thick fur in this summer heat, they won't last more than a few minutes before they need to lie down. We are a government-operated zoo. There will never be situations like that.

So their entire argument for the authenticity of their bear attraction is that the government of China would never allow for human rights violations. When pictures of the bears began to surface online, it seems a natural mistake made by onlookers, as the sun bears in question do have very human-like movements.

And apparently the entire issue was raised because one woman announced to a crowd of people at the zoo, these bears are not real. And more on the international front, Russia is considering a plan to build a village for conservative Americans who are tired of liberal ideology in the United States.

The village, slated for construction in the suburbs of Moscow, is meant for conservative families who want to immigrate for ideological reasons. According to the immigration lawyer, whose name I cannot pronounce, there are over 200 families that have already shown interest.

Listen, for those of you who are expressing interest in moving to Russia for more freedom, here's a simple message for you. It's a trap! Also, if you're looking for a haven of conservative values in a place called Moscow, may I provide a different suggestion?

The Women's World Cup Loss and Megan Rapinoe's Final Game

In sports news, the United States has been eliminated from the Women's World Cup after a heartbreaking loss to Sweden. The Americans bid to win an unprecedented third consecutive title ended in the earliest exit in tournament history for the United States.

This has also ended the international career of United States star Megan Rapinoe, who said this would be her last World Cup. An article by CBS News says of Rapinoe,. She came on an extra time against Sweden and in her final game and few minutes of action, she failed to control a ball played in deep, whiffed on a rebound, hit the side of the net with a corner, and then missed the penalty that would have won the game for the United States.

End quote. Now listen, I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds pretty bad. However, it's not nearly as bad as what Donald Trump wrote on his social media platform, saying quote, end quote. When asked their thoughts regarding the loss of the Women's World Cup, the average American responded with, we have a soccer team?

California Crime, Air Horns, and Florida Gun Culture

In national news, crime continues to rise in the state of California. CNN reported that in Oakland, police have advised residents to use air horns to alert their neighbors to intruders, as well as adding security bars to their doors and windows.

Residents of Florida were asked their thoughts about the use of air horns, and they said they were fine with the idea, but they were unsure if they would be able to attach them to their AR -15s. As for putting bars on the windows, Florida residents said, that's fine.

It'll make it harder for the criminals to get away. I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with me. In wildlife news, a Texas woman was cutting her lawn recently when a venomous snake fell from the sky and began to wrap around her arm and strike at her face.

Apparently the serpent was dropped by a hawk, which was descending upon the woman and began fighting to retrieve its lost dinner.

He wrapped his self around me as I was slinging my arm and wouldn't come off. And as this is going on, there's a hawk coming down trying to get him and as I'm trying to sling the snake off, the snake is striking me in my eyes.

He's striking my face, striking my face. Yes, future nightmares on the way?

Yep. Yep. You can hold off for a while. Yeah, I'm going to be stocked up for quite a while. Let me be totally honest with you. This is very much my worst case scenario in life. I am extremely aphidiophobic, which means I have a severe, some would say irrational, fear of snakes.

But for those of you who don't get it, just understand this. I know. I've read it in the Bible. Snakes are the devil. On a positive note, John Deere is considering a new snake-proof tractor, which may roll out next spring.

The Lottery Jackpot, Baptist Panic, and the Outro

Finally, in local news, a winning lottery ticket with a value of $1 .58 billion. Yes, that's billion with a B, was apparently sold at a Publix grocery store in Neptune Beach, Florida, ending a winless streak that has lasted since April and created the largest jackpot in Mega Millions history.

So far, no one has come forward claiming ownership of the ticket, which probably means there's an excited yet very nervous Baptist somewhere in Neptune Beach trying to tactfully plan how they are going to explain this to their pastor.

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