TLP 595: Where Do You Aim the Arrow?

I believe an incorrect understanding of the imagery has been the foundation on which our modern families have grown so incredibly distant. It's not the only factor that's to blame, but it plays a huge part.

Parenting isn't about us. In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth, Love, Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give God the preeminence in their parenting.

It is so wonderful to be back with you today. This is Aaron Brewster speaking, your host and friend, here to walk beside you as you seek to worship God in your parenting. I am a biblical counselor in Brevard, North Carolina, but the Lord has been gracious in allowing me to counsel individuals all over the world.

I do this while I travel and speak, but I also counsel virtually. So I have ministered to and served families on every continent, well, except Antarctica. My passion is to see the Lord glorified in the homes of those who profess to follow Him.

Not only does He receive the worship He so amazingly deserves, but when we're unified as a family in and around Christ, it benefits our family in ways we cannot even begin to imagine until we actually experience it ourselves.

And that's why nearly all of our episodes include free episode notes, a transcript, and related resources that will help you better understand and apply the topic of the show as well as expand your study.

So let's begin. The foundational passage for today is Psalm 127. And I'd like to start by reading all five verses. Unless Yahweh builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless Yahweh watches the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain.

It is in vain that you rise up early, that you sit out late, O you who eat the bread of painful labors, for in this manner he gives sleep to his beloved. Behold, children are an inheritance of Yahweh.

The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. They will not be ashamed when they speak with the enemies in the gate.

In the first section of this psalm, we are meant to understand that unless a city or home is founded on and built up by God, there is no security. There is no true success. Sure, you may stay awake all night and toil in painful labors or wake early every morning trying to find security and gain success for your family.

But if God is not at the center of your home, all of your labor is in vain. A Hebrew word which here refers to emptiness and futility. And then the second part of the psalm focuses on the blessing of children.

We learn that they are an inheritance, a reward, and it appears also a weapon. And those who have many children will not be ashamed. But there's a lot in this psalm that is not within the scope of today's discussion.

I do plan to do a short series of episodes in the future walking through this passage to mine the deep realities and blessings God has in store for a family that roots themselves in Him. But for now, we're going to focus on the well-known simile that is children being likened to arrows.

And we're going to consider how that simile has shaped so many parenting choices. But we're also going to consider whether we've understood and applied this passage correctly. And I'll say here at the outset that I believe we have not applied it correctly in one key area.

And I believe that perhaps many families have been hurt by this poor application. But before we go any further, I want to tell you that I will be in Levittown, Pennsylvania from September 12th to the 14th at Oxford Valley Chapel doing a conference on what really matters.

We're going to talk about how to live with purpose in a broken world. And in addition to individual and corporate Q &A times, I'll be seeking to answer some of the following questions. Is there a purpose outside of my own plans and desires?

Does community really matter? And what should it look like in my life? Can one life really make a difference in this broken world? And how can I strengthen the relationships in my life that matter most?

We're going to tackle these questions and more as we open God's word to apply it to God's people of every age and stage of maturity. And I hope that you will plan to join us on September 12th and 13th for this conference.

If you're a listener of the show, I hope that you'll let me know that we know that when we meet. And if you can stick around until Sunday, the 14th, I'll be preaching at Oxford Valley Chapel in the morning service.

It should be a wonderful three days of God-focused fellowship and sanctification. So please visit OxfordValleyChapel .org to learn more and register for this free conference. I hope to see you there.

Now, let's think about this. If children are like arrows, where are we to shoot them? I don't know about you, but the children being like arrows seems to always be talked about when we're discussing, quote unquote, sending them off or talking about, quote unquote, shooting them out into the world.

I've heard this passage used to justify sending our kids to the public schools because, you know, they're supposed to be like arrows that are shot out into the world. But is that the purpose of the simile?

Is that how it should be understood? Is it possible that understanding the imagery that way may be leading us to think incorrectly about the blessing that is children? And is it possible that God didn't want us to think that way about it at all?

So let's start with number one, the simile itself. When Jesus told the parable of the soils, a parable I reference often on the show and about which I did a short series called the four children, you can find linked in the description.

When Jesus told that parable, his disciples had to ask him later what it meant. In fact, this was neither the first nor the last time Jesus' disciples would misunderstand one of his parables. And Jesus tells us why.

In Mark 4, 10 through 12, we read,. And when he was alone, his followers, along with the twelve, began asking him about the parables. And he was saying to them, To you has been given the mystery of the kingdom of God.

But to those who are outside, everything comes in parables. So that while seeing, they may see and not perceive. And while hearing, they may hear and not understand, lest they return and be forgiven. And this is really important, but it's also desperately important to recognize that the disciples themselves, even though it was given to them, the mystery of the kingdom of God, they still didn't always just understand inherently the metaphorical language that Jesus was using.

So Jesus' parables were purposely created to require the illumination of the spirit or the explanation of Jesus in order to truly understand. Now, I'm not suggesting that all metaphors and similes in Scripture were designed that.

Way.

However, what I am saying is that figurative language can always be easy to misunderstand. And in order to truly understand anything in the Bible, we absolutely need the illuminating work of the Holy Spirit.

So we need to approach clearly figurative portions of the Scripture carefully in order to be certain we're not twisting the imagery or reading into it something that's not there. Therefore, as we look to the imagery used in Psalm 127, we'll notice that the picture includes only three facets.

Letter A, an item. Children are likened to arrows in the hand of a warrior. Letter B, a volume. Now, notice that I didn't say a number. Here's why. Verse 5 clearly states that someone is happy who has a quiver full of children.

A quiver is a sheath that holds arrows. Now, quivers come in all sizes, ranging from 5 to 30 arrows in the ancient world. I tried to do some online research to determine if there were an average ancient Jewish quiver size, but I wasn't able to find anything definitive.

If you have information about this topic, I would love for you to send me your findings at TeamTLP at TruthLoveParent .com. Either way, it's important to recognize that there isn't a specific number prescribed in the passage.

Instead, we're given the picture of someone filling his quiver with arrows. This led a former professor of mine to explain different people have different sized quivers. It would be inappropriate to expect everyone to have the same number of kids.

I believe there's wisdom here, as nowhere in Scripture are we given any idea that we should strive to have a certain number. Various people all throughout the Bible are shown to have had no children, one child, multiple children, and even very large families that were the result of sinful choices on the part of its parents.

Therefore, it's important that we don't assume that more blessing comes from more children. On the contrary, more blessing comes from the right amount of children. Financial status, health concerns, and many other biblical considerations could very easily be wisely applied and therefore end up with a smaller family.

And that, to the glory of God, is a good thing. So, we have an item, an arrow, and we have a volume, a full quiver. But we also see a ramification of these two items. Let us see a position. A man with a full quiver is said to be blessed, and that he will not be ashamed when he speaks with enemies in the gate.

Here are some important facets in order to appreciate what's being communicated here. First, the word blessed can also be translated happy. But please understand it doesn't mean, generally speaking, what the word means to most Americans who say happy.

The word ashamed means exactly what you would assume. It refers to being put to shame. By the way, we have a wonderful series on children and shame. You should check that out because not all shame is bad shame.

Yes, you want to help your kids avoid bad shame, but you also need to introduce them to good shame. When will this individual not be ashamed, however? When will he be blessed or happy? Well, he won't be ashamed when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Now, it would be very easy for us in our modern context to imagine an invading horde trying to break through the gate in our city's walls. Of course, we are on the wall shooting our arrows at the would-be assailants.

However, that is not the imagery here. In fact, if you imagine something similar where people are invading and I'm throwing my children out at them, that metaphor just breaks down terribly. The gate of ancient cities was the place where commerce occurred, where debates took place, where legal disputes were judged, and where individuals met to make deals, have conversations, and even teach.

So, how does this imagery make sense? Well, we have to appreciate the fact that the metaphor ends with the idea of a quiver. From there, the rest of the statement should be understood to refer simply to children and not metaphorical arrows.

When a man would stand in the gate before those who were hostile to him, the presence of his children, namely his sons, was not only a show of solidarity, but the more sons one had, it was also a sign of might.

They represented a large family, presumably with resources both in monetary wealth and manpower. When a righteous man stood before those who would seek to do him physical or financial or relational harm, he could stand strong knowing his family was there to support him.

There was no reason for him to be ashamed. Now, I have to admit that many of the cultural overtones of this passage are lost on us because we have a very different view of family than people have had for thousands of years.

And to be honest, that different view of family has contributed to the misapplication of this word picture. So, now that we better understand the three facets of this simile, let's talk about number two, the application.

We're going to look at the three facets in reverse order to understand how we should apply this information and how it's been misapplied. Letter A, a position. For the most part, I think people have generally understood this because words like blessed and phrases like will not be ashamed are relatively straightforward.

However, the main issue is how we choose to interpret those two words. There's a lot of misunderstanding out there about what it means to be blessed. And there's also a lot of people who look at the difficulty that is parenting and the heartache that comes from parenting in a cursed world who very much doubt the veracity of this passage.

They think their children are anything but a blessing. In fact, their children have caused a lot of shame. So, how are we to understand the position in which we parents stand? First, it's desperately important for us to allow the totality of Scripture to interpret any individual passage for us.

When we pull back, we see the destructiveness of sin. We see that God does not promise us health and wealth simply because we're born again. There were many children in the Bible who were heartache to their parents.

In fact, the Proverbs tell us about the personality and character of kids who bring shame to their parents. Proverbs 19 .26 says, He who assaults his father and causes his mother to flee is a son who brings shame and humiliation.

Proverbs 29 .15 reveals, The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. So, it is foolish for us to walk into parenting assuming that it's impossible for heartache and pain to come, especially from our children.

So, when the Scriptures make a claim like this, it's important to understand that the author is functioning with some unstated realities in mind. No father is going to stand in the gates and not be ashamed if his sons are siding with his enemy.

And that happens all too often. Any time there's a school shooting or a young person gets arrested for some heinous crime, my heart often breaks for the parents. Yes, they, the parents, likely, whether by commission or omission, have a weight to bear on the decisions their kids made.

But that doesn't change the fact that the vast majority of them wouldn't have wanted their child to do what they did. And now, not only is the child's life forever changed, but the parent's life is forever changed as well.

There's no escaping the stigma and shame of what their child did. And sure, they could move to a new state, but technology has made it nearly impossible for people to escape their shame no matter where they go.

With these tragic realities in mind, what other realities is the author assuming? Well, the author in this passage is assuming that the parents and the children were children of Israel who were pursuing their Creator and submitting to His will for their lives.

Most of the blessings of God on the children of Israel were contingent upon their obedience. And many, if not most, of the promises in the New Testament are conditional as well. All things work together for good only if we love God and are working toward His purposes is a perfect example.

In Philippians, we are told that we will experience incomprehensible peace only when we are living as God would have us live. So yes, in a family where the parents and the children are pursuing the glory of God, children are a blessing.

This means that there's work to be done. Yes, parents, having a little one can be such a happy time regardless of the pain and sleepless nights and new schedules. For most people who are not utterly wicked, the presence of an infant is delightful in many ways.

And I believe the reality of God's common grace in store-gay love is part of this process. If you want to learn more about store-gay love, please check out our Family Love series. But if we want that happiness and joy to continue, then all of the other expectations in the Bible that God has for us will need to be pursued.

The Scriptures promise a curse and tragedy and pain for those who run from and attack God. How can we think that our homes will be blessed simply because we have a lot of kids when each of those children are pursuing their own self-worship day in and day out?

We can't. It's imperative that we recognize the biblical conditions in which this glorious proclamation of blessedness and shamelessness lies. Letter B, A Volume. I believe every generation comes to this passage with a preconceived notion.

Previous generations easily interpreted this passage to suggest that it was better to have more kids. I have talked with individuals who, though they were low-income families, had significant health issues and were ill-prepared to rear their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, who just kept having kids because they were certain they would be blessed if they had more.

They would argue that God blesses us when we have a lot of kids, but they jettisoned wisdom, discretion, and discernment from the family-making process. On the other hand, nowadays, there is an extremist swing in the other direction.

Selfishness and foolishness have convinced a generation to either have no children or only one or two, even if they could or should have had more. Of course, many people can't have children, or many children.

That was the case with our family. Though we talked of having 10 kids, we found it was physically detrimental for my wife to continue bearing children, and we are very blessed with the two we have. We apparently found out that our quiver only fit two arrows.

So, the key for us is to recognize that we are blessed when we have all the children we should have. But as is the case with every decision we make, you and I don't get to be the ones to dictate what should happen.

We need to exercise the principles of biblical decision-making in order to identify what course of action would glorify the Lord. If you have specific questions about how to do that, how to make those decisions, how to know, I would be honored to meet with you in person or virtually to better understand how the Lord would have us know and implement His will.

And finally, after 17 minutes, the moment for which I have been waiting, let us see an item. Alright, here's where I believe the simile has been the most abused. As was mentioned earlier, I've heard the arrow analogy used to justify various parenting choices that involve quote-unquote shooting our children out into the world.

But I also believe a wrong understanding of the imagery has been the foundation on which our modern families have grown so incredibly distant. It's not the only factor that's to blame, but I believe it plays a huge part.

So, let's start by asking why God chose to use the imagery of a weapon, and specifically an arrow. Well, I believe the imagery of a weapon is clear in that part of the blessing of having children, as it was communicated in Psalm 120 to the children of Israel, was in light of meeting an enemy.

The children were a form of security, and there are other passages that present children as security for their parents, especially as they age. So, why not a sword or a spear? Why an arrow? I think it's clear that of all the choices of ancient Hebrew weaponry, it wouldn't have made sense to say a sword because most people are only ever going to carry one or maybe.

Two.

The same is true of a spear, and even a shield. But families were a lot bigger back then, and with good reason. It was economically valuable to have large families. The larger the family, the more hands you had to work the family business, and the more security you had.

It wouldn't have been a good simile to compare children to a sword, especially if the imagery definitely included having multiple of them. Therefore, an arrow makes much more sense. I suppose Solomon could have said, like stones in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth.

How blessed is the man who fills his pouch with them. The imagery of another ranged weapon, the sling, is just as feasible, though clearly not as intuitive to understand. My point is that I believe God used the imagery of an arrow to make two main observations.

First, God wanted to compare the blessings of children to a weapon of war. And second, God wanted to visualize a weapon of war that it made sense to have many on your person. And I don't believe the Lord chose this imagery for any other reason.

I believe the imagery breaks down if you take the next step to say something like, all parents need to let their children go one day, like an archer releases an arrow. I don't believe the arrow's point, construction, fletching, the bow or the string, or the fact that the arrow is a ranged weapon has anything to do with the discussion concerning children, and especially is not intended to inform our parenting decisions.

Today's episode is entitled, Where Do You Aim the Arrow? Because I believe that's a perfect example of a question we shouldn't be asking. I don't believe it's hermeneutically wise to see this as an extension of the leave and cleave passages.

I don't think it's always best for parents to just assume that their children will need to move far away when they get married. For thousands of years of human history, extended families lived and worked together.

They ate together and spent time together. Children knew their extended family members, their grandparents and great-grandparents. People weren't usually moving far away from their family unit. Yes, it happened, but it was neither the norm nor was it the expectation.

So, whether my children get married and move across the globe, down the street, or down the hall, I should not consider the analogy of an arrow when responding to that scenario. I shouldn't dissuade them from living near us and coming over for meals and even living in the same home as us simply because God compared them to arrows.

And by the way, if when I say things like your family living with you in the same home after they're married, you start to cringe, I'm going to suggest that you're cringing for two reasons. One, either you and your children don't really have a very good relationship, thus living together would be full of strife, or two, you've given into the cultural expectation that it would be weird for that to happen.

But neither of those are very good situations. Listen, God wasn't comparing them to arrows because He wanted to communicate that I needed to thrust them out when the time came. And He definitely wasn't communicating anything about whether they should be sent into the public schools, a missionary, enter the secular workforce, or be a missionary somewhere in some other nation.

And He definitely wasn't giving the impression that I'm supposed to somehow throw them at my enemies. If someone uses this imagery to argue, support, or illustrate the idea that kids get married and move away from their parents, I don't believe they're being honest with the passage.

With history, or most importantly, God's will for the family. Now, none of this is to say that our children should get married and live on the family homestead, but this passage also isn't intended to communicate that they shouldn't.

And that's the main truth I want us to plant in our minds today. Children are an amazing blessing when we all submit to the Lord and pursue His glory. They are security for us, and much of that security comes from doing life together in close proximity.

My wife and children and I have been living with my parents for the past six years, and it has been one of the sweetest experiences of my adult life. And we would have never have appreciated the joys and blessings of doing so had we leaned into our cultural ideas about grown children.

As we end though today, I don't want to accidentally go too far in the other direction. Just because the Arrow Simile doesn't have anything to do with launching our kids into the world doesn't mean we need to assume it's holier or better to have them close.

What we all need to do is allow God to lead in what is best. Just like how many children we have, we need to pursue Christ-honoring choices that are formed by the scriptural commands and principles as an act of worship to Him and not the pursuit of our own ambitions.

Please share this episode so that other dads and moms can better understand Psalm 127, and never hesitate to email us at counselor at truthloveparent .com or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894 if our biblical counselors concern you.

On our next episode, we are going to ask the question, what does having a prodigal say about our parenting? A lot of conclusions are drawn when there's a prodigal in the family, but what conclusions should we be drawing?

I'll see you next time. Truth Love Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship God through your parenting. So join us next time as we study God's Word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness.

And remember that TLP is a listener-supported ministry. You can visit truthloveparent .com forward slash donate to learn more.